Ruddha posted:

Powerful.

Senior Woodchuck posted:

Nah, he just whines and spouts gibberish from a teenager's half-assed theory of comedy. I guess it's kinda funny, in a "kid with the helmet can't open his juice box" way.

But back to the topic of movie reviews: Isn't caring about stuff the worst, you guys? And having thoughts and opinions? And like, expressing them? As if it's a reviewer's job to tell people what they thought of the movie they saw, amirite?

Brasseye posted:

You smelled a girls hair on the bus and got a hard on, then made a blog post about it.

no they will not posted:

I think it'd be pretty cool if lyle did a review - something for the authors to consider.

tehloki posted:

is there a FYADcyclopedia or something where I can look up why everybody is terrible, I am always forgetting. Like I thought the hair sniffer was also loosechanj

tehloki posted:

is there a FYADcyclopedia or something where I can look up why everybody is terrible, I am always forgetting. Like I thought the hair sniffer was also loosechanj

Triticum Guzzler posted:

if they replaced the "minority report" bits with anything written by lyle, regardless of applicability to the subject, it would be good

systran posted:

While I'm into Current Releases, I'm more interested in the culture around it and the reviewers' personalities, are there any good Twitters I should be following to keep up?

The MSJ posted:

Not Twitter, but:

Here's a list of all the currently known CD Goon Blogs and Podcasts, (thanks TarsTarkas!)
Turban Decay (CloseFriend)
TarsTarkas.NET (Tars Tarkas)
Pre-Code.com (Sheldrake)
ShotContext (penismightier)
Matthew Clark (echoplex)
Alcohollywood (Hewlett)
The Professor Clumsy Variety Hour (ProfessorClumsy)
A Visual Medium (Vargo)
—automaticcinematic (Jeff Wiiver)
Wag The Movie (BigBudgetSequel)
Club Parnassus (Maxwell Lord)
Martin Teller’s Movie Reviews (FitFortDanga)
Comics Chat (Dickeye)
the film ghost (BOAT SHOWBOAT)
GONE TO STRANGE COUNTRY (timeandtide)
Umney’s Alley (ClydeUmney)
chewable newt (wyoming)
Ryan Swartz (Bugblatter)
Ticket Stub Memoirs (Jay Dub)
Turn Off The Limelight (TrixRabbi)
Movie Musings (Criminal Minded)
matt mcdaniel (Aorist)
Game and Watch Reviews (axleblaze)
How did I get here? I am not good with blogs (Adrianics)
10 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself (Geekboy)
Nerd Kryptonite (Geekboy)
Political Theater (Vargo)
LondonCityNights (Mr. Flunchy)
Secret of the Sailor Madness (unknown but goon guests)

Triticum Guzzler posted:

The essence of the criticism of the criticism that has been ongoing, at least on my part, is that it is bad. It is not good. It is really not very informative. It is not that it is bad to "care".

If you actually legitimately care about film, there is a good chance you do not post about it on this web site, because if you look at the movie forum (or the book forum, etc) you see that largely there's an incredible fixation on really childish products (and they are usually products rather than films) with a corresponding lack of taste. I'm sure it's an idea that's unfamiliar to you, as a grown man who wants to surgically replace his dick and balls with a coin operated motorised Donald Duck ride who is about 3 wispy chin hairs away from being a convicted rapist, but when criticism is coming from a really juvenile place about a less-juvenile subject it can seem very superficial and difficult to respect. Like when they allow kids to do news reports on the actual news.

This is one side of the coin here. Some of the reviewers present as, essentially, children of varying extreme largeness. But even if you read what they have to say about children's movies, it's still incredibly basic analysis of a film seen through a lens of a culture who are obsessed with identity politics in all things.

For example, if you read this week's review of The Boxtrolls, all you will learn is:

- The reviewer liked Coraline and Paranorman, but this film has a worse story
- There are trolls who wear boxes, also there are two characters who have names
- The film is nominally about the trolls who wear boxes, however it focuses on one of them who isn't REALLY a troll, but is actually a boy. This is a "big problem".
- The villain is avaristic and ugly. He pretends to be a woman, this is also a big problem, but we're not told why. Just that tumblr dislikes that and they're right to do so.
- The animation is good, kids will like it.

The only thing gleaned from this review that you won't get from the trailer is a number score and at some point a man wears a dress. It's an 800 word sideways glance at a movie and it really does not do a good job reviewing it outside of conveying the general sentiment that it's sort of not bad. I don't respect this, and I don't much care what this person has to say about other movies especially if they're more complicated than this movie for 6-year-olds.

On top of which the reviews are completely joyless, on a comedy web site. It's not just that it's really out of place, it's poorly executed in its own right. I'm not trying to illegally troll or insult them so please do not electronically beat me up, but I don't think they're cut out for this.

Thank you for reading this wearying post. As a reward, here is a picture of the cast of Duck Tales taking public transport so you can finally blast the biggest load of your life you mewling piece of poo poo idiot

Triticum Guzzler posted:

The essence of the criticism of the criticism that has been ongoing, at least on my part, is that it is bad. It is not good. It is really not very informative. It is not that it is bad to "care".

If you actually legitimately care about film, there is a good chance you do not post about it on this web site, because if you look at the movie forum (or the book forum, etc) you see that largely there's an incredible fixation on really childish products (and they are usually products rather than films) with a corresponding lack of taste. I'm sure it's an idea that's unfamiliar to you, as a grown man who wants to surgically replace his dick and balls with a coin operated motorised Donald Duck ride who is about 3 wispy chin hairs away from being a convicted rapist, but when criticism is coming from a really juvenile place about a less-juvenile subject it can seem very superficial and difficult to respect. Like when they allow kids to do news reports on the actual news.

This is one side of the coin here. Some of the reviewers present as, essentially, children of varying extreme largeness. But even if you read what they have to say about children's movies, it's still incredibly basic analysis of a film seen through a lens of a culture who are obsessed with identity politics in all things.

For example, if you read this week's review of The Boxtrolls, all you will learn is:

- The reviewer liked Coraline and Paranorman, but this film has a worse story
- There are trolls who wear boxes, also there are two characters who have names
- The film is nominally about the trolls who wear boxes, however it focuses on one of them who isn't REALLY a troll, but is actually a boy. This is a "big problem".
- The villain is avaristic and ugly. He pretends to be a woman, this is also a big problem, but we're not told why. Just that tumblr dislikes that and they're right to do so.
- The animation is good, kids will like it.

The only thing gleaned from this review that you won't get from the trailer is a number score and at some point a man wears a dress. It's an 800 word sideways glance at a movie and it really does not do a good job reviewing it outside of conveying the general sentiment that it's sort of not bad. I don't respect this, and I don't much care what this person has to say about other movies especially if they're more complicated than this movie for 6-year-olds.

On top of which the reviews are completely joyless, on a comedy web site. It's not just that it's really out of place, it's poorly executed in its own right. I'm not trying to illegally troll or insult them so please do not electronically beat me up, but I don't think they're cut out for this.

Thank you for reading this wearying post. As a reward, here is a picture of the cast of Duck Tales taking public transport so you can finally blast the biggest load of your life you mewling piece of poo poo idiot

Triticum Guzzler posted:

The essence of the criticism of the criticism that has been ongoing, at least on my part, is that it is bad. It is not good. It is really not very informative. It is not that it is bad to "care".

If you actually legitimately care about film, there is a good chance you do not post about it on this web site, because if you look at the movie forum (or the book forum, etc) you see that largely there's an incredible fixation on really childish products (and they are usually products rather than films) with a corresponding lack of taste. I'm sure it's an idea that's unfamiliar to you, as a grown man who wants to surgically replace his dick and balls with a coin operated motorised Donald Duck ride who is about 3 wispy chin hairs away from being a convicted rapist, but when criticism is coming from a really juvenile place about a less-juvenile subject it can seem very superficial and difficult to respect. Like when they allow kids to do news reports on the actual news.

This is one side of the coin here. Some of the reviewers present as, essentially, children of varying extreme largeness. But even if you read what they have to say about children's movies, it's still incredibly basic analysis of a film seen through a lens of a culture who are obsessed with identity politics in all things.

For example, if you read this week's review of The Boxtrolls, all you will learn is:

- The reviewer liked Coraline and Paranorman, but this film has a worse story
- There are trolls who wear boxes, also there are two characters who have names
- The film is nominally about the trolls who wear boxes, however it focuses on one of them who isn't REALLY a troll, but is actually a boy. This is a "big problem".
- The villain is avaristic and ugly. He pretends to be a woman, this is also a big problem, but we're not told why. Just that tumblr dislikes that and they're right to do so.
- The animation is good, kids will like it.

The only thing gleaned from this review that you won't get from the trailer is a number score and at some point a man wears a dress. It's an 800 word sideways glance at a movie and it really does not do a good job reviewing it outside of conveying the general sentiment that it's sort of not bad. I don't respect this, and I don't much care what this person has to say about other movies especially if they're more complicated than this movie for 6-year-olds.

On top of which the reviews are completely joyless, on a comedy web site. It's not just that it's really out of place, it's poorly executed in its own right. I'm not trying to illegally troll or insult them so please do not electronically beat me up, but I don't think they're cut out for this.

Thank you for reading this wearying post. As a reward, here is a picture of the cast of Duck Tales taking public transport so you can finally blast the biggest load of your life you mewling piece of poo poo idiot

The MSJ posted:

Not Twitter, but:

Here's a list of all the currently known CD Goon Blogs and Podcasts, (thanks TarsTarkas!)
Turban Decay (CloseFriend)
TarsTarkas.NET (Tars Tarkas)
Pre-Code.com (Sheldrake)
ShotContext (penismightier)
Matthew Clark (echoplex)
Alcohollywood (Hewlett)
The Professor Clumsy Variety Hour (ProfessorClumsy)
A Visual Medium (Vargo)
—automaticcinematic (Jeff Wiiver)
Wag The Movie (BigBudgetSequel)
Club Parnassus (Maxwell Lord)
Martin Teller’s Movie Reviews (FitFortDanga)
Comics Chat (Dickeye)
the film ghost (BOAT SHOWBOAT)
GONE TO STRANGE COUNTRY (timeandtide)
Umney’s Alley (ClydeUmney)
chewable newt (wyoming)
Ryan Swartz (Bugblatter)
Ticket Stub Memoirs (Jay Dub)
Turn Off The Limelight (TrixRabbi)
Movie Musings (Criminal Minded)
matt mcdaniel (Aorist)
Game and Watch Reviews (axleblaze)
How did I get here? I am not good with blogs (Adrianics)
10 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself (Geekboy)
Nerd Kryptonite (Geekboy)
Political Theater (Vargo)
LondonCityNights (Mr. Flunchy)
Secret of the Sailor Madness (unknown but goon guests)

Triticum Guzzler posted:

The essence of the criticism of the criticism that has been ongoing, at least on my part, is that it is bad. It is not good. It is really not very informative. It is not that it is bad to "care".

If you actually legitimately care about film, there is a good chance you do not post about it on this web site, because if you look at the movie forum (or the book forum, etc) you see that largely there's an incredible fixation on really childish products (and they are usually products rather than films) with a corresponding lack of taste. I'm sure it's an idea that's unfamiliar to you, as a grown man who wants to surgically replace his dick and balls with a coin operated motorised Donald Duck ride who is about 3 wispy chin hairs away from being a convicted rapist, but when criticism is coming from a really juvenile place about a less-juvenile subject it can seem very superficial and difficult to respect. Like when they allow kids to do news reports on the actual news.

This is one side of the coin here. Some of the reviewers present as, essentially, children of varying extreme largeness. But even if you read what they have to say about children's movies, it's still incredibly basic analysis of a film seen through a lens of a culture who are obsessed with identity politics in all things.

For example, if you read this week's review of The Boxtrolls, all you will learn is:

- The reviewer liked Coraline and Paranorman, but this film has a worse story
- There are trolls who wear boxes, also there are two characters who have names
- The film is nominally about the trolls who wear boxes, however it focuses on one of them who isn't REALLY a troll, but is actually a boy. This is a "big problem".
- The villain is avaristic and ugly. He pretends to be a woman, this is also a big problem, but we're not told why. Just that tumblr dislikes that and they're right to do so.
- The animation is good, kids will like it.

The only thing gleaned from this review that you won't get from the trailer is a number score and at some point a man wears a dress. It's an 800 word sideways glance at a movie and it really does not do a good job reviewing it outside of conveying the general sentiment that it's sort of not bad. I don't respect this, and I don't much care what this person has to say about other movies especially if they're more complicated than this movie for 6-year-olds.

On top of which the reviews are completely joyless, on a comedy web site. It's not just that it's really out of place, it's poorly executed in its own right. I'm not trying to illegally troll or insult them so please do not electronically beat me up, but I don't think they're cut out for this.

Thank you for reading this wearying post. As a reward, here is a picture of the cast of Duck Tales taking public transport so you can finally blast the biggest load of your life you mewling piece of poo poo idiot

Triticum Guzzler posted:

The essence of the criticism of the criticism that has been ongoing, at least on my part, is that it is bad. It is not good. It is really not very informative. It is not that it is bad to "care".

If you actually legitimately care about film, there is a good chance you do not post about it on this web site, because if you look at the movie forum (or the book forum, etc) you see that largely there's an incredible fixation on really childish products (and they are usually products rather than films) with a corresponding lack of taste. I'm sure it's an idea that's unfamiliar to you, as a grown man who wants to surgically replace his dick and balls with a coin operated motorised Donald Duck ride who is about 3 wispy chin hairs away from being a convicted rapist, but when criticism is coming from a really juvenile place about a less-juvenile subject it can seem very superficial and difficult to respect. Like when they allow kids to do news reports on the actual news.

This is one side of the coin here. Some of the reviewers present as, essentially, children of varying extreme largeness. But even if you read what they have to say about children's movies, it's still incredibly basic analysis of a film seen through a lens of a culture who are obsessed with identity politics in all things.

For example, if you read this week's review of The Boxtrolls, all you will learn is:

- The reviewer liked Coraline and Paranorman, but this film has a worse story
- There are trolls who wear boxes, also there are two characters who have names
- The film is nominally about the trolls who wear boxes, however it focuses on one of them who isn't REALLY a troll, but is actually a boy. This is a "big problem".
- The villain is avaristic and ugly. He pretends to be a woman, this is also a big problem, but we're not told why. Just that tumblr dislikes that and they're right to do so.
- The animation is good, kids will like it.

The only thing gleaned from this review that you won't get from the trailer is a number score and at some point a man wears a dress. It's an 800 word sideways glance at a movie and it really does not do a good job reviewing it outside of conveying the general sentiment that it's sort of not bad. I don't respect this, and I don't much care what this person has to say about other movies especially if they're more complicated than this movie for 6-year-olds.

On top of which the reviews are completely joyless, on a comedy web site. It's not just that it's really out of place, it's poorly executed in its own right. I'm not trying to illegally troll or insult them so please do not electronically beat me up, but I don't think they're cut out for this.

Thank you for reading this wearying post. As a reward, here is a picture of the cast of Duck Tales taking public transport so you can finally blast the biggest load of your life you mewling piece of poo poo idiot

Herpes. posted:

Lumpy the Cook posted:

If the people writing for the front page have decided that writing the most obtuse, unfunny, pseudopolitical poo poo on earth will attract readers and potential members, telling them how much of a bad idea that is isn't 'insulting' them.

The MSJ posted:

Not Twitter, but:

Here's a list of all the currently known CD Goon Blogs and Podcasts, (thanks TarsTarkas!)
Turban Decay (CloseFriend)
TarsTarkas.NET (Tars Tarkas)
Pre-Code.com (Sheldrake)
ShotContext (penismightier)
Matthew Clark (echoplex)
Alcohollywood (Hewlett)
The Professor Clumsy Variety Hour (ProfessorClumsy)
A Visual Medium (Vargo)
—automaticcinematic (Jeff Wiiver)
Wag The Movie (BigBudgetSequel)
Club Parnassus (Maxwell Lord)
Martin Teller’s Movie Reviews (FitFortDanga)
Comics Chat (Dickeye)
the film ghost (BOAT SHOWBOAT)
GONE TO STRANGE COUNTRY (timeandtide)
Umney’s Alley (ClydeUmney)
chewable newt (wyoming)
Ryan Swartz (Bugblatter)
Ticket Stub Memoirs (Jay Dub)
Turn Off The Limelight (TrixRabbi)
Movie Musings (Criminal Minded)
matt mcdaniel (Aorist)
Game and Watch Reviews (axleblaze)
How did I get here? I am not good with blogs (Adrianics)
10 Reasons Not To Kill Yourself (Geekboy)
Nerd Kryptonite (Geekboy)
Political Theater (Vargo)
LondonCityNights (Mr. Flunchy)
Secret of the Sailor Madness (unknown but goon guests)

Herpes. posted:

CloseFriend posted:

I've said this before, but my pipe dream is to see Twin Peaks revived in comic book form a la Batman '66 or Buffy or Buckaroo Banzai. Lynch has written comic strips before, and I feel like that format would allow for storytelling that I don't think he could pull off any other way. It doesn't help that several Twin Peaks actors have died, like Jack Nance, Frank Silva, Dan O'Herlihy, and Don S. Davis.

Triticum Guzzler posted:

The film is nominally about the trolls who wear boxes, however it focuses on one of them who isn't REALLY a troll, but is actually a boy. This is a "big problem".

this week's review of The Boxtrolls posted:

The Box Trolls take an instant back seat as soon as Eggs' story begins to take off, and it is a huge problem as the Box Trolls are without a doubt the film's most interesting element. They are resourceful creatures who build and tinker, and I found them very entertaining, but they are sidetracked in their own movie. I suppose this wouldn't matter if Eggs was an interesting protagonist, but unlike Coraline or Norman, Eggs is decidedly boring.

Triticum Guzzler posted:

The villain is avaristic and ugly. He pretends to be a woman, this is also a big problem, but we're not told why.

this week's review of The Boxtrolls posted:

It's tasteless and serves little purpose but to poke fun at a man in a dress

Triticum Guzzler posted:

The essence of the criticism of the criticism that has been ongoing, at least on my part, is that it is bad. It is not good. It is really not very informative. It is not that it is bad to "care".

If you actually legitimately care about film, there is a good chance you do not post about it on this web site, because if you look at the movie forum (or the book forum, etc) you see that largely there's an incredible fixation on really childish products (and they are usually products rather than films) with a corresponding lack of taste. I'm sure it's an idea that's unfamiliar to you, as a grown man who wants to surgically replace his dick and balls with a coin operated motorised Donald Duck ride who is about 3 wispy chin hairs away from being a convicted rapist, but when criticism is coming from a really juvenile place about a less-juvenile subject it can seem very superficial and difficult to respect. Like when they allow kids to do news reports on the actual news.

This is one side of the coin here. Some of the reviewers present as, essentially, children of varying extreme largeness. But even if you read what they have to say about children's movies, it's still incredibly basic analysis of a film seen through a lens of a culture who are obsessed with identity politics in all things.

For example, if you read this week's review of The Boxtrolls, all you will learn is:

- The reviewer liked Coraline and Paranorman, but this film has a worse story
- There are trolls who wear boxes, also there are two characters who have names
- The film is nominally about the trolls who wear boxes, however it focuses on one of them who isn't REALLY a troll, but is actually a boy. This is a "big problem".
- The villain is avaristic and ugly. He pretends to be a woman, this is also a big problem, but we're not told why. Just that tumblr dislikes that and they're right to do so.
- The animation is good, kids will like it.

The only thing gleaned from this review that you won't get from the trailer is a number score and at some point a man wears a dress. It's an 800 word sideways glance at a movie and it really does not do a good job reviewing it outside of conveying the general sentiment that it's sort of not bad. I don't respect this, and I don't much care what this person has to say about other movies especially if they're more complicated than this movie for 6-year-olds.

On top of which the reviews are completely joyless, on a comedy web site. It's not just that it's really out of place, it's poorly executed in its own right. I'm not trying to illegally troll or insult them so please do not electronically beat me up, but I don't think they're cut out for this.

Thank you for reading this wearying post. As a reward, here is a picture of the cast of Duck Tales taking public transport so you can finally blast the biggest load of your life you mewling piece of poo poo idiot

Sir Kodiak posted:

Sir Kodiak posted:

rjryan3 posted:

This doesn't hide the fact that the review is still poo poo.

Triticum Guzzler posted:

WHo is this supposed "Sarah Connor", why do we spend so much time fixated upon her, and the man from the future who later fucks her? How comes it that The Terminator is sidetracked in his own movie? All this brings me to an issue I've been having with "The Boxtrolls". The title is "The Boxtrolls" yet it primarily follows the story of one of The Boxtrolls. This is hosed up and wrong.

Sir Kodiak posted:

Sure, I thought that was assumed at this point. It's just funny to watch people fawning over such an incompetent takedown of it. Like, take this poo poo:


The quoted complaint is that the Boxtrolls are sidelined despite being "the film's most interesting element." It's explicitly pointed out that "this wouldn't matter if Eggs was an interesting protagonist." There's plenty to go after in the review that doesn't require you to misread it.

Sir Kodiak posted:

Sure, I thought that was assumed at this point. It's just funny to watch people fawning over such an incompetent takedown of it. Like, take this poo poo:


The quoted complaint is that the Boxtrolls are sidelined despite being "the film's most interesting element." It's explicitly pointed out that "this wouldn't matter if Eggs was an interesting protagonist." There's plenty to go after in the review that doesn't require you to misread it.

woozle wuzzle posted:

Minority report: I didn't see a boxed roll the entire time, 0/10.

Triticum Guzzler posted:

And why does the Terminator itself speak with a thick Austrian accent. Can we not "get over" the capacity of an Austrian man to kill millions? Extremely distasteful.