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Big Anime Fan Here posted:Me and Yikes Stay Gooned will accept 5 dollars each to watch Yakuza movies while nude and in video chat with each other over skype and then write a review about the film as well as our homoerotic experience and how it shaped our perception of the movie and my axe
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Oct 4, 2014 00:58
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Sir Kodiak posted:Sure, I thought that was assumed at this point. It's just funny to watch people fawning over such an incompetent takedown of it. Like, take this poo poo: hmm the guy whose entire post history is comic book movie threads could be right or maybe he could be a really big loser with idiot fag tendencies, who knows
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Oct 4, 2014 01:01
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Sir Kodiak posted:Sure, I thought that was assumed at this point. It's just funny to watch people fawning over such an incompetent takedown of it. Like, take this poo poo: The opposite reading is true.
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Oct 4, 2014 01:20
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first they came for the childrens animated movies then they came for the superhero movies and that's basically all the movie genres that i can think of
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Oct 4, 2014 01:27
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A Keg posted:hmm the guy whose entire post history is comic book movie threads could be right or maybe he could be a really big loser with idiot fag tendencies, who knows Lmao, of course
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Oct 4, 2014 01:31
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you come at the king, you best not miss, or spend months discussing amazing Spiderman
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Oct 4, 2014 01:35
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Hey now don't scare him off, we need to encourage as much comic book movie discussion as possible from Current Releases because there's nothing funnier than when they spend half the review stroking their chins going 'hrm yes but is scene where Captain America stands up not a direct metaphor for the holocaust?' or write entire reviews devoted to the idea of Spider-Man being about Peter getting cucked.
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Oct 4, 2014 02:52
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Tatum Girlparts posted:Hey now don't scare him off, we need to encourage as much comic book movie discussion as possible from Current Releases because there's nothing funnier than when they spend half the review stroking their chins going 'hrm yes but is scene where Captain America stands up not a direct metaphor for the holocaust?' or write entire reviews devoted to the idea of Spider-Man being about Peter getting cucked. lol........... cucked
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Oct 4, 2014 03:00
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A Keg posted:first they came for the childrens animated movies haha
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Oct 4, 2014 04:12
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i regret nothing
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Oct 4, 2014 06:20
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Y-Hat posted:i regret nothing Why should you? This is the first time this thread had any attention at all. The average post count is about 4 per week, with all of them saying how the reviewers were totally right on how Battleship being completely superior to The Avengers. And how the Avengers is nothing but a pro-US military propaganda because the movie had buildings blowing up, which is of course are metaphors for 9/11.
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Oct 4, 2014 07:24
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And now it has dozens of posts ofJudge Clayjar posted:lol........... cucked
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Oct 4, 2014 12:49
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That's actually one post.
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Oct 4, 2014 14:13
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and its my post atop them all
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Oct 4, 2014 14:22
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Oct 4, 2014 17:11
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Seriously, it's about time someone break the news that no one actually reads these.
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Oct 4, 2014 20:36
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I would like to stick up for Current Releases. Some of the comparisons and criticisms in recent weeks have been a little tenuous, but on the whole I like the style and tone of these pieces. You may disagree, but the "standard" reviews have made better reading than the "guest" or "In the style of" reviews, and to call the writers "talentless hacks" is cruel and unfair. Disagreeing with a review is fair; decreeing the whole section of the website is useless is not.
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Oct 4, 2014 22:25
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corker2k posted:I would like to stick up for Current Releases. Some of the comparisons and criticisms in recent weeks have been a little tenuous, but on the whole I like the style and tone of these pieces. Nobody is saying the whole section is bad. g0m's reviews are good as heck.
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Oct 4, 2014 22:26
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Ruddha posted:Nobody is saying the whole section is bad. g0m's reviews are good as heck. The reviews that are written to be intentionally entertaining are good. The ones that are written as far-leftist critical theory soapboxes are garbage.
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Oct 4, 2014 22:29
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Then don't read them? Instead just post a lot about how you really don't care and maybe no one will notice that you have poor reading comprehension and the front page writers will totally stop having opinions about art and politics that clearly offend you! It's possible that could happen. Good luck!
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Oct 4, 2014 23:17
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Black Bones posted:Then don't read them? I'm like 10 steps ahead of you, pal
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Oct 4, 2014 23:40
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Black Bones posted:Then don't read them? I want the movie reviewers to be replaced by Lyle, who is not only 1000x smarter than them but, as a Maoist-Leninist, farther left as well.
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Oct 5, 2014 00:16
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Top Bunk Wanker posted:The reviews that are written to be intentionally entertaining are good. The ones that are written as far-leftist critical theory soapboxes are garbage. What about the reviews that are written in between, like the one about the movie about that guy who's kind of like Elvis' twin but not really and religion is the answer somehow?
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Oct 5, 2014 00:54
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halleys comet posted:I want the movie reviewers to be replaced by Lyle, who is not only 1000x smarter than them but, as a Maoist-Leninist, farther left as well. Then encourage Lyle (or g0m or whoever) to write for the front-page, I assume it's a combo of effort/volunteerism. In the meantime they can post their reviews in the relevant CD threads, like anyone else who cares.
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Oct 5, 2014 01:08
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Black Bones posted:Then don't read them? No... good luck to you.
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Oct 5, 2014 01:10
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halleys comet posted:I want the movie reviewers to be replaced by Lyle, who is not only 1000x smarter than them but, as a Maoist-Leninist, farther left as well.
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Oct 5, 2014 02:15
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Black Bones posted:Then don't read them? quote:Instead just post a lot about how you really don't care quote:and maybe no one will notice that you have poor reading comprehension quote:and the front page writers will totally stop having opinions about art and politics that clearly offend you! quote:It's possible that could happen. Good luck! corker2k posted:I would like to stick up for Current Releases. quote:Some of the comparisons and criticisms in recent weeks have been a little tenuous, quote:but on the whole I like the style and tone of these pieces. quote:You may disagree, quote:but the "standard" reviews have made better reading than the "guest" or "In the style of" reviews,  quote:and to call the writers "talentless hacks" is cruel and unfair. As for talent, again: (0 Comments) quote:Disagreeing with a review is fair; decreeing the whole section of the website is useless is not. The fact none of the fans of Current Releases realise or acknowledge that Triticum Guzzler's post is by far the most incisive and entertaining critique to be written as a result of it in years is a pretty damning indictment of their judgement IMO. There's no need to have FYAD write the entire thing, but some people who aren't humorless English Lit majors obsessed with the deep, nuanced social commentary of Goof Troop would be a nice change! Thank you for your time, I will let you get back to discussing the the deep, nuanced social commentary of Goof Troop or whatever other children's entertainment is the current focus of Current Releases' discerning gaze now. 
Nostalgic Pushead fucked around with this message at 09:09 on Oct 5, 2014 |
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Oct 5, 2014 05:42
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Bo-ring. There's like, five totally new reviews you can dish on and the best you can do is quote a dozen thread sentences and sperg on Goof Troop sperging? Ooo how ironic. Bash on CR all you like but at least put some effort into it.quote:Gone Girl I'm torn. On one end this is an obvious parody review that mocks the kind of terrible broken people who think they're special and interesting because they're total head cases. On the other end, it says rape culture is bad. What's a goon to think? quote:Annabelle Eh, phoning it in, but this sounds like the kind of movie that deserves it. quote:Left Behind Considering how stupid this movie sounds from the first paragraph description yeah you probably could have done more here. quote:The Song This is better but still not great. I'm starting to wonder whether you all are coasting on the comedy of describing dumb movies in their bluntest possible terms. quote:The Good Lie These are seriously the Oscar contenders for this year? Good grief. All right, those of you hate the message politics of these reviews- what words should be used for describing movies with no apparent sense of self-awareness as to how obnoxious their internal politics are? Aside from FYAD of course.
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Oct 5, 2014 09:50
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Some Guy TT posted:All right, those of you hate the message politics of these reviews- what words should be used for describing movies with no apparent sense of self-awareness as to how obnoxious their internal politics are? Aside from FYAD of course. The point that you are trying so hard not to understand is that the movie reviews for a comedy website should be funny. Theres no FYAD agenda. People responded overwhelmingly positively to goms funny review. Because it was funny, on the comedy website they were reading for comedy. Tritucum Guzzller said it 1000x better but even looking at the movie reviews divorced from the idea that they should be funny is that my 13 year old cousin comprehends movies better than these first year polisci kids (i hope thats what they are because fuckin lol if they are adults). RonMexicosPitbull fucked around with this message at 10:53 on Oct 5, 2014 |
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Oct 5, 2014 10:48
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It's not a hilarious joke but this made me chuckle:Vargo posted:Watching Annabelle is essentially like paying to see a Kings of Leon tribute band. I get the points that these should be funny and you tend to get jokes like these, not always of astounding quality, peppered throughout, but I do like the fact that they give their straight opinions. It's true I don't care enough to read each individuals blog, but it's nice it's compiled together in an easily accessible place that I visit frequently. There are features on the front page, I don't particularly care about, such as the Reviews of bad movies, since it just seems like shooting fish in a barrel and I don't get anything out of it. So I just don't read it and figure people are enjoying it in their own way since it's still there. Clearly these reviews get some level of readership so they stick around. It's not all that bad. Also it seems that they're getting a lot of new contributors, which is fine, but they probably still need to get used to the style of the site and of the reviews. It's generally those that have come off like straight reviews without any humor in them. I don't particularly how they choose to write it, but it could very well be just a matter of being new to it all.
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Oct 5, 2014 10:57
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RonMexicosPitbull posted:Tritucum Guzzller said it 1000x better but even looking at the movie reviews divorced from the idea that they should be funny is that my 13 year old cousin comprehends movies better than these first year polisci kids (i hope thats what they are because fuckin lol if they are adults). Triticum Guzzler made a legit good post. I can cop to that. But when all the rest of you guys can do is emptyquote Triticum Guzzler without actually adding anything to the conversation, all you're doing is making it really obvious that you don't spend any time on the subforums where people have to make actual arguments if they want to be taken seriously. Like, if you think their movie comprehension is wrong, try explaining why. If you think their jokes aren't funny, try explaining why. poo poo, dude, I liked the g0m review too. But I didn't come to the thread to post that because what's the loving point of echoing the exact same thing a dozen other people already said.
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Oct 5, 2014 11:46
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th1nk posted:You sound upset, friend. Oh you have no idea, buddy. My many jowls quiver under my beard. quote:I am glad that Current Releases panders to the interests quote:I'm sure all those blogs with 0 comments only lacked them because their many readers quote:It's almost like protecting them from criticism for ages has only resulted in more vehement criticism  quote:The fact none of the fans of Current Releases realise or acknowledge that Triticum Guzzler's post is by far the most incisive and entertaining critique to be written as a result of it in years is a pretty damning indictment of their judgement IMO. I tell ya what; I'll take another look at Guzzler's post. I admit, I skimmed over it, cuz it looked like a weak-rear end troll that wasn't really funny, but I am defending the concept of looking at and thinking about entertainment, even children's entertainment, so I suppose I should try to be fair. quote:There's no need to have FYAD write the entire thing, but some people who aren't humorless English Lit majors obsessed with the deep, nuanced social commentary of Goof Troop would be a nice change! I laughed when you had to assert this twice. Grr it's so humorless to think about what Goof Troop could be saying about society! drat you, English Literature majors  Any Disney product is packed to the brim with meaning, and it can be fun/interesting to puzzle out. sorry but that's just how I feel, th1nk. Ok let's take a peek at this infamous warlock: Triticum Guzzler posted:The essence of the criticism of the criticism that has been ongoing, at least on my part, is that it is bad. It is not good. Good start, the simple language creates a sense that "of course it's so obvious!", made me laugh, for reals, even though I'm pretty sure the coming explanation of How It Is Bad is gonna be weak as poo poo quote:If you actually legitimately care about film, there is a good chance you do not post about it on this web site, Cool dichotomy bro. No doubt it's accurate, although it would require some counter-examples to be certain. Perhaps they will be forthcoming. quote:because if you look at the movie forum (or the book forum, etc) you see that largely there's an incredible fixation on really childish products More of the same. quote:(and they are usually products rather than films) with a corresponding lack of taste. Triticum Guzzler does not like the taste of these nerds quote:I'm sure it's an idea that's unfamiliar to you, as a grown man who wants to surgically replace his dick and balls with a coin operated motorised Donald Duck ride who is about 3 wispy chin hairs away from being a convicted rapist, They're gross! quote:but when criticism is coming from a really juvenile place about a less-juvenile subject it can seem very superficial and difficult to respect. Ha ha ha, no kidding! poo poo's getting downright meta here - I'll give Guzzler the benefit of the doubt that he/she/porpoise possesses self-awareness. quote:Some of the reviewers present as, essentially, children of varying extreme largeness. Don't forget, they're gross! quote:But even if you read what they have to say about children's movies, it's still incredibly basic analysis of a film seen through a lens of a culture who are obsessed with identity politics in all things. Holy hell, finally an actual criticism. It was hidden under all those appeals to human bodies (they're gross!) and children (they're dumb!). Unfortunately, it's a pretty weak complaint: why is "basic analysis" bad? Should they go . . deeper? And I've never got the impression of CR as "obsessed with id politics", although that could be possible, and wouldn't ya know, we're gonna get an actual example! Singular, so "obsessed" is a bit of a stretch, but still, this section of the post is showing some sincere effort! quote:For example, if you read this week's review of The Boxtrolls, all you will learn is: Even if one disagrees with the review's reasons, you'd have to be borderline illiterate to miss them. Remember, this is "basic analysis". Sir Kodiak's (who reads comic books! gross and dumb!) post already covered it, as did a cursory re-read of BigBudgetSequel's (who's fat and reviews kids movies! gross and dumb!) review, but we've already come this far so here it is again: - the movie is bad because it focuses on the least interesting character (a good criticism imo) - the villain is a mockery of drag queens, and that's bad because cross-dressers/queers are often portrayed negatively in children's media (this is kinda weak criticism*. but the reviewer does tell you why he thinks it's bad) *It's weak cuz the review doesn't really dig into the villain and how his cross-dressing is portrayed. Sounds like his slavish devotion to social-climbing has warped his body and mind, literately hosed his gender. In a movie where the main character is raised by sub-humans. There could be something interesting here, the review doesn't really explore it, but it doesn't sound like the film does either. Anyways, if the cross-dressing is really portrayed as a bad thing, it needs to be compared to similar stuff, like Bugs Bunny. Like, in the Jungle Book, when Baloo the bear dresses up as a girl-orangutan to seduce King louie. On the surface, it's just played for silly laughs. Yet the film is showing a hero disguise himself as a black transsexual to successfully subvert the power of a monarchy, while singing I wanna be like you-u-u and it's awesome as hell and where was I? Right. In conclusion: Triticum Guzzler's post has one good point buried under countless appeals to the dumbness of children, a weird amount of emotion over the bodies of strangers, vague assertions that serious/real movie discussion happens elsewhere, etc. In essence, it is not good. It is bad. quote:Thank you for reading this wearying post. As a reward, here is a picture of the cast of Duck Tales taking public transport so you can finally blast the biggest load of your life you mewling piece of poo poo idiot Scrooge prob owns the transport system, so they ride for free!
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Oct 5, 2014 12:44
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Goonfus: I am going to state 100 % true and known facts about the reviews and those who write them. Goonlant: Besides being nothing but harassment, I simply can not take you seriously until you adhere to an intellectual incestuous debate structure employed by a handful of unpaid writes with a combined total of several thousand blog entires and an average user feedback ratio of exactly 0.
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Oct 5, 2014 12:56
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Oct 5, 2014 13:06
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cool dichotomy bro,
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Oct 5, 2014 13:08
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Black Bones posted:Oh you have no idea, buddy. My many jowls quiver under my beard. "if a book and a head smash together and it sounds hollow, it's not always the books fault" - Martin Heidegger, Member of NSDAP
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Oct 5, 2014 13:19
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Black Bones posted:Oh you have no idea, buddy. My many jowls quiver under my beard. I believe that I now have an idea, and though I did not need to know about your jowls I am sure your beard is very nice. Thank you.
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Oct 5, 2014 13:33
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Black Bones posted:Oh you have no idea, buddy. My many jowls quiver under my beard. You should not get to use the classic haoma avatar.
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Oct 5, 2014 13:39
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Some Guy TT posted:Triticum Guzzler made a legit good post. I can cop to that. But when all the rest of you guys can do is emptyquote Triticum Guzzler without actually adding anything to the conversation, all you're doing is making it really obvious that you don't spend any time on the subforums where people have to make actual arguments if they want to be taken seriously. why should they. pay them money if you want them to do that.
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Oct 5, 2014 13:49
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I agree with Black Bones, the guy who, as a quick glance at the first page of his post history reveals, really likes talking about Guardians of the Galaxy, Star Wars and how proud he is of the Venture Brothers t-shirt he paid money to buy and likely wears in public a few times a week. Honestly if you don't have the reading comprehension necessary to understand CR maybe you should go back to Reddit. That said, excellent work as always this week by the staff. The Gone Girl review (http://www.somethingawful.com/current-movie-reviews/gone-girl-annabelle/1/) was particularly illuminating. I constantly try to explain to people that David Fincher is a hack PUA MRA misogynist but no one believes me. The review said exactly what I've been thinking in the elegant manner we've all come to expect. I was invited to see the film this past Friday and let's just say I'm glad I stayed home and watched the entire Honey, I Shrunk the Kids series instead. 
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Oct 5, 2014 13:55
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