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My 2 year old son likes to combine words. Currently he loves saying "penis boat" all. The. Time.
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Sep 19, 2014 06:58
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| # ? May 17, 2024 19:01 |
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Colton posted:My 2 year old son likes to combine words. Currently he loves saying "penis boat" all. The. Time. Way cooler than the five-year-old who tried to get a bunch of kids from his Sunday school to all shout "butt-hole" (he pronounced it like two separate words) at a church softball team practice. "Penis boat" takes some creativity. Perhaps one day he'll write for Cracked.
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Sep 19, 2014 07:11
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My sister is going to dress up my 5 year old nephew as Edward Scissorshands for Halloween. Ever since she told him, he keeps asking "who's going to be rock than???" My 6 month old is going to be a rock this year
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Sep 19, 2014 13:07
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I think my son has been holding in his pee until I'm pooping cause he knows I'll tell him to go in the backyard. After a week or so of this, I finish up and head outside and not only is he peeing in the grass, but my 2 year old daughter has her pants down and figured out how to push her lady bits together and is arcing some pee into the grass too.
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Sep 19, 2014 13:17
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/\/\ Ha! My boys' favorite thing is to cross streams out in the yard. Three year old told the girl at Sam's yesterday she was fired because the hotdogs weren't ready yet. I asked him if he knew what that meant (it's in a book we read), and he points into the air and shouts "No idea! But the boss says that in Fly Guy when he's not happy with Miss Muzz, and I'm not happy about the hotdogs!" The cashier laughed, at least, but we talked about how that's not a nice thing to say to people. Kids, mortifying their parents in public since the dawn of time.
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Sep 19, 2014 15:04
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Inudeku posted:My sister is going to dress up my 5 year old nephew as Edward Scissorshands for Halloween. Ever since she told him, he keeps asking "who's going to be rock than???" Tell me you're dressing as paper. 
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Sep 19, 2014 22:37
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Inudeku posted:My sister is going to dress up my 5 year old nephew as Edward Scissorshands for Halloween. Ever since she told him, he keeps asking "who's going to be rock than???" Why be a rock when he could be The Rock?
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Sep 20, 2014 07:05
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AlistairCookie posted:/\/\ When I was about four, I got angry at my nanny (I can't remember why) and "fired" her on the spot. Luckily she was able to laugh about it with my parents.
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Sep 21, 2014 12:11
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We had a new babysitter and after her first day I asked my son how she was and he said "a little good and a little bad" so i asked him why she was a little bad and he got real sad and whiny and said "she didnt let us play outside forever"
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Sep 21, 2014 13:57
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When my cousin was still learning to speak, she had this habit of just chanting two or three random words at the top of her lungs. It was usually just gibberish, like "Ham dog!" or "Pie Dan Mommy!" but she occasionally produced a few gems. Once, we were in the middle of Walmart with her standing up in the cart when her mom said something she didn't like. Normally she'd just whine or make weird noises, but this time she started jumping up and down a bit and screaming "dumb bitch dumb bitch dumb bitch" over and over again.
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Sep 21, 2014 20:18
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Facebook posted:(Our 4-year-old) is convinced that we have "adult parties" once the kids are asleep. An adult party involves drinking beer and coffee, playing with their toys, watching scary movies, and eating ice cream until you are full, then pretending to eat ice cream until you are "pretend full", and then maybe finally you can go to sleep. 
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Sep 29, 2014 06:46
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We're potty-training our 2.5 year old. Yesterday, he ran to the potty and sat on it, and was there for a little while. He stood up and looked in and got really excited--"Mama Mama it's a A!" I didn't understand what he meant, but I wanted to make sure he'd pooped, so I went to see, and goddamned if he didn't poo poo something that looked very much like a capital letter A. PYF poo poo kids poo poo
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Sep 29, 2014 15:59
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Good for him, he knows his letters!
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Sep 29, 2014 21:03
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effervescible posted:Good for him, he knows his
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Sep 29, 2014 21:10
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My sister is teaching a kindergaren class. She posted this story yesterday: 
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Oct 3, 2014 15:46
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Three year old has recently potty trained. This exchange happened a couple days ago. When my wiener says it has pee, I go pee! When my butt has poop, I go poop! You got it buddy! I know everything! ...  Say it Mommy. Say what? That you know everything?...he makes a dark face and whispers "Yes. I know everything." 
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Oct 5, 2014 16:51
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My sister got married, and my 6-yo made a little card for her. Edited for spelling, it read: "You are the bride He is the groom You're a great couple I assume"
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Oct 5, 2014 20:47
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Subjunctive posted:My sister got married, and my 6-yo made a little card for her. Edited for spelling, it read: Kid's got a future with Hallmark.
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Oct 5, 2014 21:42
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I've been growing a beard which my 5 year old daughter loves. She was taking a bath with bubbles and while my wife and I were watching TV, we hear her yell, "I HAVE A BUBBLE BEARD AND I MUST SHAVE IT FOR PICTURE DAY IS TOMORROW!" It was very loud and matter of fact.
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Oct 7, 2014 20:49
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My roommate has a 6 year old that was eating a few Halloween-themed marshmallows and blurted out "I'm eating colors." I noted how it sounded so very much like what someone tripping balls would say. Allegedly he also used to say the same thing when he was younger and eating M&Ms. I swear, no  were involved.
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Oct 9, 2014 01:08
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Daughter: Daddy I made you a paper airplane! She hands me a piece of paper she's wadded into a ball. I then proceeded to chunk it across the room. Me: *excitedly and loudly* THAT FLEW REALLY WELL!  Daughter: *runs away*This kid is better than TV.
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Oct 23, 2014 22:09
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Kodilynn posted:I've been growing a beard which my 5 year old daughter loves. Haha, that's just about the same thing that happened with my niece when my brother and I lived together. He's got 3 daughters, we both kinda lived at mom's for a year or two when poo poo went sideways for us (divorce in my case, had to find a new place, and he was saving up to start a ju-jitsu school). His oldest loved the hell out of the big beard I had back then (it was braided) and almost literally cried when I shaved it off for a big job interview. But the best one I remember is when we took his second girl (his car was in the shop) to her first day of preschool. When she met her preschool teacher: Lil'bit 2 (at 4 years old) - "You have a VAGINA!" Loud as gently caress, like she was proclaiming the Great Unknown in front of a captive audience. Now as my brother and I are turning about 200 shades of red and wondering why she's chosen this moment to make this great proclamation, the teacher, without missing a beat, pops right back with "Yeah, so do you! We both have vaginas!" This disarmed lil'bit 2 completely and I laughed so hard I nearly choked.
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Oct 25, 2014 12:32
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Subjunctive posted:My sister got married, and my 6-yo made a little card for her. Edited for spelling, it read: Stolen so hard for two goon friends' wedding in January.
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Oct 26, 2014 12:01
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My eight-year-old niece informed my mother very seriously that cancer is going to take over the world. Questioned further she said everyone gets it and she doesn't believe there'll ever be a cure, so one day everything will be cancer. She didn't seem at all worried.
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Oct 26, 2014 12:37
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HopperUK posted:My eight-year-old niece informed my mother very seriously that cancer is going to take over the world. Questioned further she said everyone gets it and she doesn't believe there'll ever be a cure, so one day everything will be cancer. She didn't seem at all worried. drat it, Nurgle gets the disciples young nowadays. I intern at a petstore, kids come in reguarly and comment on the fish and other animals which is amusing at times. Some 5-8 year old: - Look a rat! *pointing at a guinea pig* - Look a bigger rat! *pointing at a bunny* - Ooh a mouse! *pointing at a hamster* Some other kids were having a discussion about a fishes tail fin: Kid 1: That is its rear end! Kid 2: No way stupid thats its POOP! Kid 1: Ooooooh Amusingly Kids and Adults alike really like to call our Eels water snakes, even the adults that don't have kids along.
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Oct 26, 2014 14:56
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Gravel-voiced little girl at an aquarium, in the most stereotypical Boston accent you can imagine: "HEY, MA! I WANNA SEE THE SHAHKS!"
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Oct 30, 2014 22:47
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I'm wearing a Finn onesie at school today since it's Halloween and the kids are DYING. Most of them keep asking me where Jake is (I tell him he's at the other elementary school in this neighborhood, which is true, as my husband teaches there and he's wearing a Jake onesie), or where my sword is (couldn't find a cheap one, so I tell them I was fighting the Ice King and it got stuck in a wall of his castle), but the best came from a fifth grade boy who very seriously asked me if I was wearing anything underneath. He seemed pretty worried about it. Also, one girl in the same grade walked into class and burst into laugh-tears because she has a crush on Finn. It was so adorable  and a tiny bit weird.
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Oct 31, 2014 04:55
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I had pre-show jitters before my performance in a community theatre production and I shared them with a kid I babysat. Oh, I hope I do well during this play! I hope that everyone likes my performance. What are you doing in the play? Well, I'm playing a messenger and I have to give a big speech near the end of the play. The speech has some sad news in it! What sad news? I have to tell everyone about how two of the characters are dead. [The play was an adaptation of a Greek tragedy.] Oh. Well...maybe they won't like you because you made them sad! ... Thanks for the confidence-booster, kid. (I did fine, by the way.)
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Nov 19, 2014 12:38
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I was sitting in the coffee shop section of a bookstore this weekend when I heard this gem. The kid in question was out of my line of sight, but spoke quite loudly enough to be heard clearly. Must've been about 4-5. "I farted. That's STINKY" *pause* (with wicked glee)"I'M A SKUNK!"
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Nov 21, 2014 02:13
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Sitting and waiting with the my 5yo son at the doctors office the other day. My wife was in for her appointment so we were just playing around keeping him happy and quiet. Now as background to this, my son has very long bangs since he wants hair 'like Rapunzels' so we are just letting him live the dream but his hair gets in his face all the time at meals or whatever. Normally we just brush it out of his face but when we are rough-housing I like to blow it out of his eyes which he finds hilarious. As you can imagine, as we are playing in the waiting room full of people, his hair starts getting in his face, and he loudly says: "Daddy, I want you to blow me!" PIN. DROP.
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Nov 21, 2014 18:29
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TKIY posted:"Daddy, I want you to blow me!" Excellent.  The neighbour kid came over the other day while my daughter was in the middle of some elaborate fort-and-drawing exercise. To catch her friend up, my kid explained who all the stuffed animals and figurines were. "...and he is my boyfriend and sometimes nemesis." I was nervous before, but at 7 it sounds like she has dating pretty much figured out.
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Nov 21, 2014 20:11
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I was at the desert table of a buffet the other day and I hear a kid (probably around 5-6) and his Mum have this conversation: Mum: Look at all these deserts, what would you like? Kid: I want the ice cream. Mum: What about some of this lovely fruit? Kid: No... I want all the ice cream 
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Nov 22, 2014 01:42
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Anytime anyone farts now, my 5 year old daughter says in a very pleasant tone, "Oh my, that was lovely." I don't know where she got it, but with strangers it never ceases to be funny how embarrassed my wife gets when it happens in public.
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Nov 25, 2014 15:39
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HopperUK posted:My eight-year-old niece informed my mother very seriously that cancer is going to take over the world. Questioned further she said everyone gets it and she doesn't believe there'll ever be a cure, so one day everything will be cancer. She didn't seem at all worried. This is literally an X-files villain.
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Nov 25, 2014 19:21
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evobatman posted:This is literally an X-files villain. Also the marvel character Deadpool.
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Nov 25, 2014 22:25
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My three year old (just turned three last month) keeps blowing my mind when he comes out with perfectly articulate sentences. Like the other day he was being kind of annoying with repeated questions so I kept responding "what?" Finally he gets sick of it and says to me quite seriously "Mama, stop 'what'-ing." Once he learns sarcasm I'm so screwed.
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Nov 26, 2014 00:28
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shitty poker hand has a new favorite as of 19:51 on Apr 11, 2023 |
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Nov 26, 2014 20:04
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Some lady on Reddit posted this adorable love letter her 4-year-old wrote to a girl in his class: https://gma.yahoo.com/4-olds-love-letter-classmate-pretty-horse-203301283--abc-news-parenting.html Some adorable kid posted:“Will you please come to my house? Let’s play together. I think you are pretty like a horse or a ladybug. I’m not sure which. You should come to my house and eat cheeses with me. I love you and I lost a tooth last night. I think I would like to do a magic trick for you and then let you watch me battle robots."
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Nov 27, 2014 13:42
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Conversation this morning between the kids: 6 y.o.: C'mon Liam! Let's go--we're not brothers, we're twins! 3 y.o.: What's a twin? 6 y.o.: That's when you have commons. 3 y.o.: What commons? 6 y.o.: That's stuff that's the same. C'mon! 3 y.o.: I'm not a twin! I'm a mammal. A human bee-ing mammal! 6 y.o.: Fine. Let's go be mammals!
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Nov 27, 2014 17:54
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My son: "I wish there was an app that you could hook up to your bladder and it would tell you when your bladder's full." He had to pee at the time.
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Nov 28, 2014 21:12
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