Post your source or papa spank! - The Funny Panels Thread

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > BSS: Bisexual Super Son > Post your source or papa spank! - The Funny Panels Thread

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PJOmega: May 5, 2009

Eeevil posted:

I never really understood why the fake mother was okay with that, though. What did she want with half a baby?

Inheritance and birthrights.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 08:17

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# ? Jun 5, 2024 21:41

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

The Lone Badger posted:

There's good eating on one of those things.

Don't remind me...

# ? Oct 20, 2014 08:25

Ghostlight: Sep 25, 2009; maybe for one second you can pause; try to step into another person's perspective, and understand that a watermelon is cursing me

Eeevil posted:

I never really understood why the fake mother was okay with that, though. What did she want with half a baby?

She didn't want the baby at all, she just wanted to spite the mother.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 08:27

Vincent: Nov 25, 2005

achillesforever6 posted:

The old Thor wedding trick, works every time

Hitler did have a hard-on for Nordic mythology.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 09:51

Philippe: Aug 9, 2013; (she/her)

Vincent posted:

Hitler did have a hard-on for Nordic mythology.

But then he would have seen through the trick!

# ? Oct 20, 2014 10:19

prefect: Sep 11, 2001; No one, Woodhouse.
No one.; Dead Man’s Band

Section Z posted:

Is having half a baby is still better than not having a baby in the first place?

The point was probably to make Solomon look like a smartypants and not any actual lesson, like "See this clever thing Solomon does, he's so smart and that fake mom is so dumb I can't believe she fell for it."

Solomon was the original Mary Sue.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 11:49

Some Pinko Commie: Jun 9, 2009; CNC! Easy as 1️⃣2️⃣3️⃣!

Nah, Solomon's father David had the whole Mary Sue thing covered pretty well.

Kid started off killing lions and bears while shepherding, then killed a giant because all of the other soldiers at the time were pussies, then went on to become King and have thousands of wives and concubines (and at least the one homosexual relationship with Jonathan, which is why Saul hated him so much).

Solomon? He just inherited all of his dad's riches, built a Temple and made a few smartass decisions in trials that made everyone think he was clever. Also: wrote the closest thing the Bible has to pornography in it as well as the book of Ecclesiastes, where he basically bitches about how much life sucks if you're rich.

Some Pinko Commie fucked around with this message at 15:48 on Oct 20, 2014

# ? Oct 20, 2014 12:28

Chinaman7000: Nov 28, 2003

prefect posted:

Solomon was the original Mary Sue.

And then EVERYONE stood up and started clapping for Solomon.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 13:26

Cangelosi: Nov 17, 2004; "It's cute," he said to himself warily, "but it's not normal."

Wade Wilson posted:

Solomon? He just inherited all of his dad's riches, built a Temple and made a few smartass decisions in trials that made everyone think he was clever. Also: wrote the closest thing the Bible has to pornography in it as well as the book of Lamentations, where he basically bitches about how much life sucks if you're rich.

I think you were thinking of Ecclesiastes. Lamentations was the prophet Jeremiah bitching about how life sucks as Babylonians are breaking down your city walls and putting your babies on spikes.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 14:37

Perry Normal: Jul 23, 2010; Humans disgust me. Vile creatures.

The Solomon baby parable is a lot more believable with Elaine, Kramer, Newman and a bicycle.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 14:52

Random Stranger: Nov 27, 2009

Section Z posted:

Which can be the only reason we need sometimes, which brings us back to marrying Hitler just to gently caress with him. How often has Captain America caused Hitler EMOTIONAL Trauma huh?... No, really, I want to know this.

:frownyhitler: "That was my favorite window he smashed through on his motorcycle."

:eva: "Adolf, don't forget you have the dentist appointment."

:angryhitler: "drat you, Captain America!"

# ? Oct 20, 2014 14:57

bobkatt013: Oct 8, 2006; Youâre telling me Peter Parker is ...... Spider-man!?

Wade Wilson posted:

Nah, Solomon's father David had the whole Mary Sue thing covered pretty well.

Kid started off killing lions and bears while shepherding, then killed a giant because all of the other soldiers at the time were pussies, then went on to become King and have thousands of wives and concubines (and at least the one homosexual relationship with Jonathan, which is why Saul hated him so much).

Solomon? He just inherited all of his dad's riches, built a Temple and made a few smartass decisions in trials that made everyone think he was clever. Also: wrote the closest thing the Bible has to pornography in it as well as the book of Lamentations, where he basically bitches about how much life sucks if you're rich.

Also a huge dick when he falls in love with a married women and then sent her husband off to die.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 14:58

Bozart: Oct 28, 2006; Give me the finger.

FMguru posted:

There's a reason why novice comics writers are told to minimize the use of "Clint", "flick", and "flicker" in their scripts.

I have an acute case of the giggles thinking about some rear end in a top hat writer naming a super hero Clint Flicker.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 15:08

Chinaman7000: Nov 28, 2003

Bozart posted:

I have an acute case of the giggles thinking about some rear end in a top hat writer naming a super hero Clint Flicker.

Garth Ennis Presents:

# ? Oct 20, 2014 15:10

FMguru: Sep 10, 2003; peed on;
sexually

Chinaman7000 posted:

Garth Ennis Presents:

Mark Millar, actually

# ? Oct 20, 2014 15:15

Rohan Kishibe: Oct 29, 2011; Frankly, I don't like you
and I never have.

Wade Wilson posted:

Nah, Solomon's father David had the whole Mary Sue thing covered pretty well.

Kid started off killing lions and bears while shepherding, then killed a giant because all of the other soldiers at the time were pussies, then went on to become King and have thousands of wives and concubines (and at least the one homosexual relationship with Jonathan, which is why Saul hated him so much).

Solomon? He just inherited all of his dad's riches, built a Temple and made a few smartass decisions in trials that made everyone think he was clever. Also: wrote the closest thing the Bible has to pornography in it as well as the book of Lamentations, where he basically bitches about how much life sucks if you're rich.

Solomon also bound literally every djinn to his service, so he's got a few things going for him.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 15:18

Some Pinko Commie: Jun 9, 2009; CNC! Easy as 1️⃣2️⃣3️⃣!

bobkatt013 posted:

Also a huge dick when he falls in love with a married women and then sent her husband off to die.

It's cool, though, because God tortured the baby David had with her until he thought David regretted his actions, then God killed the baby.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 15:47

Happy Noodle Boy: Jul 3, 2002

Is there a deity that wasn't a huge rear end in a top hat most of the time?

# ? Oct 20, 2014 15:59

Opopanax: Aug 8, 2007; I HEX YE!!!

Happy Noodle Boy posted:

Is there a deity that wasn't a huge rear end in a top hat most of the time?

It's kind of hard to believe in an always loving and benevolent god when bad things happen all the time, and things were probably pretty awful day to day back then

# ? Oct 20, 2014 16:12

goatface: Dec 5, 2007; I had a video of that when I was about 6.

I remember it being shit.; Grimey Drawer

Happy Noodle Boy posted:

Is there a deity that wasn't a huge rear end in a top hat most of the time?

There's the properly deistic ones who don't actually interact with the universe.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 16:17

KayTee: May 5, 2012; Whachoodoin?

Happy Noodle Boy posted:

Is there a deity that wasn't a huge rear end in a top hat most of the time?

Azathoth just wants to sleep, listen to sweet music and dance. :kiddo:

# ? Oct 20, 2014 16:22

RoadCrewWorker: Nov 19, 2007; camels aren't so great

Happy Noodle Boy posted:

Is there a deity that wasn't a huge rear end in a top hat most of the time?

Weren't deity tales basically those times' Jersey Shore meets Jackass, at least after the "which story is the most interesting to tell others" filter?

# ? Oct 20, 2014 16:25

redbackground: Sep 24, 2007; BEHOLD!
OPTIC BLAST!; Grimey Drawer

Happy Noodle Boy posted:

Is there a deity that wasn't a huge rear end in a top hat most of the time?

A few of the Discworld gods are pretty chill these days, like Om.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 16:33

Philippe: Aug 9, 2013; (she/her)

redbackground posted:

A few of the Discworld gods are pretty chill these days, like Om.

But they're fictio... You know what, never mind.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 16:49

Evil Mastermind: Apr 28, 2008

OldTennisCourt posted:

Has there ever been a story dealing with the idea that a hero like Booster Gold or someone could go back in time and save Bruce's parents, but Batman is so incredibly important that doing so fucks up a ton of stuff?

There was a bad JLA Annual that did that with Supes. Some forgettable villain "erased" a created-for-this-story hero from history, and then did the same to Superman. Three seconds later the universe starts falling apart, because "do you know how many times Superman has saved the entire universe?".

I'll try to remember to see if I have a copy at home, because it's got some eye-rollinging bad panels in it. My personal favorite is how the forgotten hero proves she existed by giving the JLA her in-universe origin comic (with the JLA in it), and the reaction is "oh, well then clearly you were in the League and we all just forgot you."

# ? Oct 20, 2014 17:00

Mr. Maltose: Feb 16, 2011; The Guffless Girlverine

Happy Noodle Boy posted:

Is there a deity that wasn't a huge rear end in a top hat most of the time?

Ahura Mazda is a cool dude who is P. chill about humanity in general.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 17:15

CzarChasm: Mar 14, 2009; I don't like it when you're watching me eat.

Evil Mastermind posted:

I'll try to remember to see if I have a copy at home, because it's got some eye-rollinging bad panels in it. My personal favorite is how the forgotten hero proves she existed by giving the JLA her in-universe origin comic (with the JLA in it), and the reaction is "oh, well then clearly you were in the League and we all just forgot you."

It worked for The Sentry :shrug:

# ? Oct 20, 2014 18:05

Opopanax: Aug 8, 2007; I HEX YE!!!

Evil Mastermind posted:

I'll try to remember to see if I have a copy at home, because it's got some eye-rollinging bad panels in it. My personal favorite is how the forgotten hero proves she existed by giving the JLA her in-universe origin comic (with the JLA in it), and the reaction is "oh, well then clearly you were in the League and we all just forgot you."

That would probably actually be pretty believable for the League.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 18:51

WickedHate: Aug 1, 2013; by Lowtax

Wait, so they did that plot with someone other then Triumph, too?

# ? Oct 20, 2014 18:54

redbackground: Sep 24, 2007; BEHOLD!
OPTIC BLAST!; Grimey Drawer

Evil Mastermind posted:

There was a bad JLA Annual that did that with Supes.

Would it happen to be the JLA 80-Page Giant #3? I just grabbed that for .50 the other day (I like D. Curtis Johnson and Dale Eaglesham). Haven't had a chance to read it yet, though, but the plot sounds close.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 18:54

VanSandman: Feb 16, 2011; SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

Evil Mastermind posted:

I'll try to remember to see if I have a copy at home, because it's got some eye-rollinging bad panels in it. My personal favorite is how the forgotten hero proves she existed by giving the JLA her in-universe origin comic (with the JLA in it), and the reaction is "oh, well then clearly you were in the League and we all just forgot you."

That sounds a lot more like a Marvel Avengers story that got re-written for the JLA. That sort of thing is totally plausible in the Marvel verse where comics are admitted as court evidence.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 18:55

Dolash: Oct 23, 2008; aNYWAY,
tHAT'S REALLY ALL THERE IS,
tO REPORT ON THE SUBJECT,
oF ME GETTING HURT,

It has to be a nightmare writing superhero comics, since every imaginable 'clever' or 'creative' storyline's probably been done at some point, possibly with the very characters you're writing for right now.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 19:07

Evil Mastermind: Apr 28, 2008

redbackground posted:

Would it happen to be the JLA 80-Page Giant #3? I just grabbed that for .50 the other day (I like D. Curtis Johnson and Dale Eaglesham). Haven't had a chance to read it yet, though, but the plot sounds close.

Yup, that's the one.

# ? Oct 20, 2014 19:08

Evil Mastermind: Apr 28, 2008

Sadly, not as funny as I remembered it, but since I said I'd post it:

A strange man approaches the JLA, and says his daughter used to be in the JLA until she got erased from time. His proof? A comic book that details her origin and also gives away her secret identity and the identities of her parents.

"I can tell he's not lying because of my magical lasso (which I didn't actually use."
"I can tell he's not lying because I read his mind."
"Uh..well, the comic looks real!"

I'd love to see Flash asking Kyle about the comic. "Yup, that's a comic book."

# ? Oct 20, 2014 23:43

Uthor: Jul 9, 2006; Gummy Bear Heaven ... It's where I go when the world is too mean.

Evil Mastermind posted:

"I can tell he's not lying because of my magical lasso (which I didn't actually use."
"I can tell he's not lying because I read his mind."
"Uh..well, the comic looks real!"

Reminds me of Astonishing X-Men (#6?)

# ? Oct 21, 2014 00:18

Jerusalem: May 20, 2004; Would you be my new best friends?

Skwirl posted:

Billy Batson, when he's Billy Batson, doesn't have the wisdom of Solomon or the strength of Hercules or the something something of the rest of the letters, one of them is definitely Zeus.

That must make Billy's attempts to find love a pain.

# ? Oct 21, 2014 00:29

Ensign_Ricky: Jan 4, 2008; Daddy Warlord
of the
Children of the Corn

_{or something...}

Happy Noodle Boy posted:

Is there a deity that wasn't a huge rear end in a top hat most of the time?

Dionysus, but that's mostly because he spent most of his time hammered out of his omnipotent gourd.

# ? Oct 21, 2014 00:32

Say Nothing: Mar 5, 2013; by FactsAreUseless

Ultimate Secret #3.

Beer does indeed rock.

# ? Oct 21, 2014 00:46

Byzantine: Sep 1, 2007

Ensign_Ricky posted:

Dionysus, but that's mostly because he spent most of his time hammered out of his omnipotent gourd.

Ehhh...he incited women to go into drunken rages and tear unsuspecting men apart. He's the God of Drunken Antics

Apollo was fairly chill, though. You pretty much had to directly go "hey apollo you suck" to get him to gently caress your poo poo up.

Or try to bang his sister.

# ? Oct 21, 2014 01:26

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# ? Jun 5, 2024 21:41

Wheat Loaf: Feb 13, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

Jerusalem posted:

That must make Billy's attempts to find love a pain.

In Alan Moore's proposal for "Twilight of the Superheroes", he wanted to have this subplot where Billy no longer ages physically, but does mature psychologically and becomes kind of a sex fiend. In his Captain Marvel guise he would have been in an incestuous relationship with Mary Marvel, but when he's Billy, he satisfies his libido by visiting prostitutes while pretending to be a midget. The twist is that one of the prostitutes is the Martian Manhunter in disguise, who breaks his neck and assumes his identity.

# ? Oct 21, 2014 01:36

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > BSS: Bisexual Super Son > Post your source or papa spank! - The Funny Panels Thread

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