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Ehud posted:Hey I want to do more crowd-sourced posts for FART. I was thinking it would be fun to do some Gruden-isms. You know the ones where he says stuff like, "I call this guy the ________ because ________!" Gruden loving rules and is 90% of the reason why MNF is awesome
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Oct 21, 2014 23:20
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Tell ya what Mike the Biblical story of Samson is about a man whose strength was actually derived from his hair. Now JJ Watt, this is a guy who's so strong, he'll put hair on your chest!
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Oct 21, 2014 23:22
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He had that "Bowling ball of knives" quote last year, so I at least wouldn't be surprised by any of those. I call this guy Adventure Time, because he's the only thing my son wants to watch when we're doing film study.
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Oct 21, 2014 23:24
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Nice Pete says that abduction and murder are like a game of basketball. Well I don't know basketball, but I do know football, and Ray Lewis just made a Nice Pete play
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Oct 21, 2014 23:25
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You know The Usual Suspects? Who is Kaiser Soze? Well I never figured that one out but I figured out who Calvin Johnson is pretty quick.
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Oct 21, 2014 23:27
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One I put on my GIF post on FART: “I call this guy ‘my wedding night’ because he got off a little early!”
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Oct 21, 2014 23:32
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Mike, you know 13 Assassins? This old samurai who's asked to stop this terrible tyrant as he crosses the country? That's Jeff Fisher calling a fake punt from deep in his own territory with 2 minutes left in the game, wow.
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Oct 21, 2014 23:34
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You know who Blake Bortles reminds me of? Apollo 13. He'll never get the touch down, but you really have to admire his tenacity in sticking around in there the whole play. Just one hell of a tough kid, that Blake. Also, points for not saying Nirvana, Jon, but everyone knows Soundgarden is better than Pearl Jam.
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Oct 21, 2014 23:34
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Ehud posted:One I put on my GIF post on FART:
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Oct 21, 2014 23:35
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lol these are great so far
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Oct 21, 2014 23:40
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Y'know Mike, Lambeau Field is a lot like a Turkish prison, cold and unforgiving.
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Oct 21, 2014 23:43
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Mike, let me tell you two things I learned from coaching. The first, if you can run spider 2 wide banana you can get some yards. These guys are PLAYMAKERS out there in the National Football League. That's the only way they know how to play football. The second thing? Well I'll tell you, if I knew what the second thing was I would still be down there instead of up here with you and apart of FCAA, The Fired Football Coaches Association.
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Oct 21, 2014 23:48
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Febreeze posted:Also, I'm poor, and the site still doesn't get enough traffic on a regular basis to warrant upgrades to my hosting beyond the basics, so if a comic gets hotlinked to a popular forum somewhere, my site takes the slow down and suffers the consequences even though no one is actually visiting. Maybe one day I'll be popular enough to warrant better hosting that can handle it and I'll care about all this less, but as of right now I'm still mostly a nobody. Might want to consider cloudflare's free CDN, seems like just the ticket for image-heavy static pages like yours. https://www.cloudflare.com/features-cdn
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Oct 21, 2014 23:50
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Wow Mike I gotta tell ya that play call was Foucault's Pendulum to me. Because I did not understand it
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Oct 21, 2014 23:52
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Mike, that play just took too long to develop. That's why I like to call reverses, offenses run reverses I like to call them my cousin Chris. You know that kid who faked a deep voice in junior high because puberty was evading him like Mike Vick in his prime? Well that was my cousin Chris
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Oct 21, 2014 23:58
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Well Mike, in my playbook we called that one Old Yeller because the Tight End goes rabid and if you do it right the whole defense starts cryin. I really loved that dog Mike.
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Oct 22, 2014 00:00
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Mike, I look at that Houston defensive line, and you know what I see? The planet Venus. It's supposed to be the goddess of beauty, and yet it's dangerous with volcanoes and noxious gasses, just ready to kill someone. And speaking of volcanoes, look at JJ all fired up down there. I love that kid. Let me tell you, if I was still coaching, I'd do anything to have him on my squad.
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Oct 22, 2014 00:14
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Mike, this Bears defense really reminds me of "Self-portrait of a young man"(1634) by the great painter Rembrandt. The titular figure appears to be overshadowed by something just out of frame, and yet the sharp, bright center draws the eye right to the middle of the piece, as the artist himself chooses to focus inward. The artist has chosen to paint himself in modest garb, which contributes to the very plain yet sensible aesthetic and muted color palate. Though the subject appears to carry an aloof demeanor, one can still feel the sadness he must carry within himself, to be in the prime of his life yet to feel so hopeless. I'd like to see somebody who actually knows what they're talking about tackle something like this
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Oct 22, 2014 00:16
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The Puppy Bowl posted:Well Mike, in my playbook we called that one Old Yeller because the Tight End goes rabid and if you do it right the whole defense starts cryin. Heyo
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Oct 22, 2014 00:18
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football fuckerman posted:Mike, that play just took too long to develop. That's why I like to call reverses, offenses run reverses I like to call them my cousin Chris. You know that kid who faked a deep voice in junior high because puberty was evading him like Mike Vick in his prime? Well that was my cousin Chris Can I just go off topic to say we have two guys in our office in their late 20s or 30s who affect a deep voice that they do not have and it drives me goddamn insane , you sound like hans and franz loving quit.
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Oct 22, 2014 00:19
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This Chip Kelly offense is somethin' else, Mike. I like to call it "Woods Porn" because we had heard all the stories about it existing, but seeing it for the first time can't help but get you erect
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Oct 22, 2014 00:19
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GNU Order posted:
Mike, the Brian Schottenheimer playsheet reminds me of Debate and Discussion. Yeah, on paper a lot is happening, but they never seem to convert that into any real success. Mainly I'm just confused and bored. Speaking of confused and bored, Richard Sherman just got caught napping on that play!
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Oct 22, 2014 00:22
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That Adrian Peterson, I tell ya Mike, I like to call him "Turbo Tunnel" because he's really fast and likes to make little kids cry.
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Oct 22, 2014 00:24
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The Puppy Bowl posted:Well Mike, in my playbook we called that one Old Yeller because the Tight End goes rabid and if you do it right the whole defense starts cryin. lmao
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Oct 22, 2014 00:29
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whypick1 posted:That Adrian Peterson, I tell ya Mike, I like to call him "Turbo Tunnel" because he's really fast and likes to make little kids cry. 
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Oct 22, 2014 00:29
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That Drew Bledsoe guy Mike, he was the Patriots's 9/11. Jets took him down and they really came together in the face of adversity. And let me really tell you something Mike, some people don't think the Jets could've done it, they think it was an inside job.
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Oct 22, 2014 00:32
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 This guy. This guy right here, Mike. I call him "me after eating my mother-in-law's meat loaf"
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Oct 22, 2014 00:33
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DO YALL WANT A HAM posted:
wait it happened again?
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Oct 22, 2014 00:36
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Mike, I gotta tell you, Ray Rice reminds me a lot of Mick Foley. They both love cheap pops.
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Oct 22, 2014 00:37
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Gotta say mike, I'm loving what I see from this lions defensive line. I call them the Himalayas because its not easy to drive through them
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Oct 22, 2014 00:59
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Kalli posted:That Drew Bledsoe guy Mike, he was the Patriots's 9/11. Jets took him down and they really came together in the face of adversity. And let me really tell you something Mike, some people don't think the Jets could've done it, they think it was an inside job. The blue star was a shackle, chaining you to the ground. Fly free, beautiful Kalli.
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Oct 22, 2014 01:02
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I like to call this guy Nyarlathotep, because his awfulness challenges and destroys my fragile connection with reality.
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Oct 22, 2014 01:04
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You know what they call this Charlie Whitehurst guy, Mike? Clipboard Jesus. I really like that. You keep thinking his career is dead, but boom, just like that, the tombstone is rolled away, he's starting, and two thousand years later, people try to explain away his existence.
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Oct 22, 2014 01:17
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Mike, I like to call this guy Mick Jagger, because [emphasizing each word] Nobody Has Got Moves Like Him [awkward pause] You mean, well the singer-- The song, he has moves, he says he has moves like him. Moves like Jagger, those are rare moves. I don't know, I doubt that anyone has moves like this guy. At least not in the National Football League
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Oct 22, 2014 01:54
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Eifert Posting posted:I like to call this guy Nyarlathotep, because his awfulness challenges and destroys my fragile connection with reality. Also not like watching the Tampa Bay Bucs! You first see it and it's an unspeakable horror, but upon further reflection you're praying for the sweet release of death.
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Oct 22, 2014 02:07
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Hey, Mike - you remember that story your Dad read you when you were a kid? "The Little Engine That Could." Brian Hoyer makes me think of that story. He's so full of optimism and hope and he's out there telling himself, "I think I can, I think I can" over and over just like that little engine. So much grit and toughness in the guy. And you know how in the story just as the little engine feels like he's about to give out, he reaches the top of the hill and beams with pride at his accomplishments all the way down. Except this isn't a children's story. He's still Brian Hoyer and he plays for the Cleveland Browns. He doesn't realize this hill goes on forever and no matter how hard he hopes and sweats and tries he's never going to make it to the top of that hill. That's why I call him "Sisyphus."
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Oct 22, 2014 02:13
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I call John Kuhn the Grudencock. Because he's short and stout, but generates a lot of power. Also, fat white chicks love him.
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Oct 22, 2014 02:25
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You know Mike, we're here in Minnesota, which is where General Mills headquarters is. And man, I love me some of their Cinnamon Toast Crunch. You know, Christian Ponder reminds me of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, because nobody can see why the Vikings like him. Alternate: General Mills, the company that makes Chex. And it's fitting that they're here because watching Matt Kalil pass protect is like pouring milk into your Chex. IcePhoenix fucked around with this message at 03:07 on Oct 22, 2014 |
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Oct 22, 2014 03:04
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This Philip Rivers kid, man I'll tell you why he wears a bolo tie, because Ballers Only Live Once, and that guy right there is a Baller.
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Oct 22, 2014 03:06
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This Jon Gruden cat. He's like Ron Paul, I just agree with everything I hear him say. I watch Monday Night Football and it's like he's in my head. It's uncanny. Sometimes watching the game Tuesday morning I can even finish his sentences. I really, really love that guy.
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Oct 22, 2014 04:16
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