Aleph Null posted:

Could have been solved with, "Benadryl, aisle 3."

quote:

Will Be Loki To Get Good Grades
COLLEGE & UNIVERSITY | MALAYSIA | GEEKS RULE, MOVIES & TV, STUDENTS
(In English class, we are having a discussion on how to pick up visual clues from pictures to write an analytical essay. Our lecturer shows us a poster from The Avengers, which has Iron Man, the Hulk, Captain America, Hawk Eye, Thor, and the Black Widow all posing in a fighting stance.)

Lecturer: “If you could be someone from this poster, boys, who would you be?”

(The boys answer.)

Lecturer: “Now, girls, there is only one female in the poster, so if you could be ANYONE, ignoring genders, who would you be?”

Me: *without hesitation* “Iron Man.” *I pause* “No, wait. I take that back. Loki!”

(The girl seated next to me chimes in.)

Girl: “Loki’s wife.”

Me: *to her* “Ooooh! Yes!” *loudly to whole class* “Loki’s wife!”

(The girl and I high-five. The lecturer tells us to choose based on the poster only. Later on, he asks us who we’d be if we didn’t know the characters, based on the way they are standing only.)

Lecturer: “Remember, poster based only. NO Loki.”

Girl: “Yeah, don’t bring Loki in on this. He’s on a WHOLE other level.”

Me: “Yup! He’s practically a god!”

(We high-fived again and burst out laughing.)

Khazar-khum posted:

Loki is my hazubando.

quote:

I met a girl once, made her lunch and, much later, dinner. After some conversation and some heavy petting we ended up moving to the bedroom.

She wasn't very good at, well, anything, but she was trying. She told me to come on her face, because she had read on the internet that semen was good for the skin.

I could have kissed the man who wrote that.

"Make me beautiful," she said. "Make me beautiful now."

Aleph Null posted:

Could have been solved with, "Benadryl, aisle 3."

My Lovely Horse posted:

Last year a teenager in Ireland died from a severe allergic reaction. She'd forgotten her epi-pen and her mother wasn't given one at a nearby pharmacy, because they are prescription only in Ireland. Pharmacists also aren't allowed to give the injection. Now in the UK, from what I found googling around, a layperson isn't allowed to administer prescription medicine; there is an exception specifically for epi-pens, but the catch is you can only administer a person's own epi-pen. So if you're in the UK and having that sort of reaction without your pen a) the pharmacy is the last place you should go to and will only cost you valuable time and b) you're probably hosed. Basically you'd have to hope there's a third party in the pharmacy who will straight up rob the pharmacist for an epi-pen right there and doesn't stand to lose their livelihood for it.

Minarchist posted:

Holy poo poo its just epinephrine it's not like it's going to become the new hot street drug. What kind of rear end in a top hat judge would fault anyone for using it to save someone's life or take away their license to operate over it?

My Lovely Horse posted:

Last year a teenager in Ireland died from a severe allergic reaction. She'd forgotten her epi-pen and her mother wasn't given one at a nearby pharmacy, because they are prescription only in Ireland. Pharmacists also aren't allowed to give the injection. Now in the UK, from what I found googling around, a layperson isn't allowed to administer prescription medicine; there is an exception specifically for epi-pens, but the catch is you can only administer a person's own epi-pen. So if you're in the UK and having that sort of reaction without your pen a) the pharmacy is the last place you should go to and will only cost you valuable time and b) you're probably hosed. Basically you'd have to hope there's a third party in the pharmacy who will straight up rob the pharmacist for an epi-pen right there and doesn't stand to lose their livelihood for it.

My Lovely Horse posted:

Last year a teenager in Ireland died from a severe allergic reaction. She'd forgotten her epi-pen and her mother wasn't given one at a nearby pharmacy, because they are prescription only in Ireland. Pharmacists also aren't allowed to give the injection. Now in the UK, from what I found googling around, a layperson isn't allowed to administer prescription medicine; there is an exception specifically for epi-pens, but the catch is you can only administer a person's own epi-pen. So if you're in the UK and having that sort of reaction without your pen a) the pharmacy is the last place you should go to and will only cost you valuable time and b) you're probably hosed. Basically you'd have to hope there's a third party in the pharmacy who will straight up rob the pharmacist for an epi-pen right there and doesn't stand to lose their livelihood for it.

Jezebel posted:

"This happened back in the '70s in the West Village in NYC. We went to a small local place. Not a lot of tables and, I think, two waiters.

At the table next to ours was a middle-aged woman, apparently a minor actress of some sort, accompanied by three guys who must have been dancers or in the chorus of some show or other.

All night long she carried on incessantly about her own importance, annoying all the other diners. Finally, their waiter, a very handsome man, asked them if they'd like some coffee. She leaned back in her chair, looked him up and down and said in a loud voice, "Yes, and I like my coffee like I like my men." The waiter, without changing his expression said, "I'm very sorry, madam, but we don't have any gay coffee."

Other diners actually applauded."

My Lovely Horse posted:

Last year a teenager in Ireland died from a severe allergic reaction. She'd forgotten her epi-pen and her mother wasn't given one at a nearby pharmacy, because they are prescription only in Ireland. Pharmacists also aren't allowed to give the injection. Now in the UK, from what I found googling around, a layperson isn't allowed to administer prescription medicine; there is an exception specifically for epi-pens, but the catch is you can only administer a person's own epi-pen. So if you're in the UK and having that sort of reaction without your pen a) the pharmacy is the last place you should go to and will only cost you valuable time and b) you're probably hosed. Basically you'd have to hope there's a third party in the pharmacy who will straight up rob the pharmacist for an epi-pen right there and doesn't stand to lose their livelihood for it.

jabby posted:

The issue is that pharmacists are not trained to diagnose an anaphylactic reaction. Give an epi-pen mistakenly to someone having a heart attack and you could kill them.

Having said that the girl was known to have an allergy and the risk is tiny in a 14 year old, so it's absolutely tragic that this pharmacist didn't break the rules to deliver the injection. No judge in the country would have faulted him for it even if she died anyway. But ultimately the fault is with the mother. She let her child with a known potentially fatal peanut allergy go out to eat without her epi-pen, let her eat something that was actually labelled as containing nuts, and then walked her around the corner to a pharmacy instead of calling 999 when she started having trouble breathing.

quote:

I once helped out my a female friend's family by taking care of their cat for a week. Every day for a week, I would go over there and snoop around their house. I found my friend's diary, and proceeded to read the entire thing. I used this information to get her to like me, and she is currently my wife.

quote:

I run a cake business. I charge people hundreds for wedding cakes... Every last one is made using Pilsbury cake mix I buy for $1 a box at Walmart.

quote:

There was a girl who I had a crush on the moment I saw her on my college campus. She ended up dating a douchebag dude a few weeks later. I happened to end up sitting in a study room with him and a few mutual friends. He talked about how he didn't think she was that attractive and how he liked other girls. I wrote the girl an anonymous email using one of those websites telling her about the things I heard and how the guy was a dick. She ended up breaking up with him after she found out he was cheating.
The girl is now my girlfriend of 6 months.

quote:

One night my sister who was 19 at the time came home pretty drunk from a party. She was acting goofy and fell on the couch next to me. She started grabbing my leg and laughing and we started fondling. We ended up having sex right there. When we woke up the next day she had no recollection of the night before so i just kept my mouth shut.
Fast forward to when i'm 18. Sister is home from college and dad is over for a visit. they get into an argument and in a fit of rage my dad announces how he has never forgiven her for the abortion she got when she was 19 and subsequently killing His grand child. (he's very religious)

I then realize the baby she aborted was in fact mine.....and as far as i know, i am the only one who knows since she has never mentioned that night.

RenegadeStyle1 posted:

Which one is worse? Having sex with your sister or making up that you had sex with your sister?

RenegadeStyle1 posted:

Which one is worse? Having sex with your sister or making up that you had sex with your sister?

Lblitzer posted:

I just found a goldmine of stdh.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t0ynr/throwaway_time_whats_your_secret_that_could/

quote:

I run a cake business. I charge people hundreds for wedding cakes... Every last one is made using Pilsbury cake mix I buy for $1 a box at Walmart.

sweeperbravo posted:

Lmao how did he not realize it when she was preg & had the abortion?

Huntersoninski posted:

A lot of abortions will happen before the lady is "showing," so unless he was tracking her periods he probably wouldn't notice

y'know, if the story was anything but a gross gross lie

CombatBonta-kun posted:

This one is probably true.

CombatBonta-kun posted:

Drunk Tomato posted:

Yep, i know a lady who makes wedding cake that does this. Still turn out awesome, though.

Don Gato posted:

If you're a good baker you can make pretty much anything taste good. OTOH a poo poo baker will make even the finest ingredients taste like expensive, refined rear end. Not sure what the point is of confessing that though, I assumed people already knew that most baked goods are hella cheap to make and what you're actually paying for is the expertise of the person making it.

Vindolanda posted:

I wasn't aware that people wanted a wedding cake to taste good? It's more meant to be a visual thing. Is it only a thing in the UK that slices of the cake are meant to be taken away as souvenirs by guests?

ibntumart posted:

Do they at least serve chips and curry at weddings in the UK?

ibntumart posted:

You know, I lived in Glasgow for a bit. I never went to a wedding, and I got used to British fare being a bit on the dull side, but come on, even cake? My wedding cake was delicious and so was the cake served at the weddings of both my sisters-in-law, my brother-in-law, my cousin, my old high school friend, his sister... really every wedding cake I've ever had.

Do they at least serve chips and curry at weddings in the UK?

Max posted:

You actually eat the cake in the US at the reception. Generally the top laer is saved for the couple to eat on their one year anniversary.

MinistryofLard posted:

Is that really a thing? Like, wouldn't the cake be stale and gross as hell after a year? That's a pretty morbid metaphor for a marriage.

MinistryofLard posted:

Is that really a thing? Like, wouldn't the cake be stale and gross as hell after a year? That's a pretty morbid metaphor for a marriage.

MinistryofLard posted:

Is that really a thing? Like, wouldn't the cake be stale and gross as hell after a year? That's a pretty morbid metaphor for a marriage.

quote:

Went to Mexico to buy barbiturates for a humane and peaceful death.
Decided that if I was gonna die anyway I might as well gently caress a prostitute before it was all over. After that a cab driver offered to sell me cocaine. One thing lead to another, and I got a room above a whore house equipped with a heart shaped bed, a stripper pole, and a hot tub.
Spent a full week snorting coke off tits, popping pain meds, drinking tequila, eating handfuls of Viagra to fight the whiskey/coke dick, and had three FFM threesomes.
Somewhere in the midst of my coke-fueled orgy I decide life wasn't so bad after all.
EDIT 1: This didn't cure my depression. It convinced me not to kill myself. There's a difference. My depression is in recovery now due to hard work and dedication. If you are dealing with depression and you are in the US google NAMI(National Alliance on Mental Illness) and find your local chapter. They provide free group therapy and they can put you in touch with all the programs at your disposal to tackle depression and other illnesses. Good luck, and never give up.
EDIT 2: To clarify a couple big points. this happened about 6 years ago. The drugs and sex didn't fix me. They were like CPR for a man with a stopped heart. Dangerous, risky, and unlikely to work, but if you can keep the guy alive long enough to get the defibrillator to him, even if it means breaking some ribs, it's worth the risk. I was going to die that night. I don't suggest if you're feeling depressed that you get a mountain of cocaine and a gaggle of chicas. But if you're holding the loving gun to your head as you read this, yes, please do. Get some coke, get some women, get whatever you need! Don't. Do. It. Please?
Point 2. Some people dredged up another version of this story from my history. One in which I sat in a hotel room with the barbiturates until I got an email from my sister that brought me to tears and convinced me to dump the drugs and come home. That is true too. Both things happened. Whores and drugs kept me from killing myself, and that email brought me home. When I tell the story to my family, girlfriends, fellow group therapy people, I leave out the coke and the whores. When I'm hanging out at the bar trading stories I leave out the tears and the sentimental email.
EDIT 3: I am STD-free. The adventure cost me around 2 grand or so, if memory serves.
EDIT 4: /r/SuicideWatch - Go there if you need immediate help. You are NEVER alone.
EDIT 5: I've gotten a lot of PMs. I WILL get to you all, I swear. It might take some time. To any latecomers, drop me a line if you are suffering from depression or anything else. I'm happy to talk.

Lblitzer posted:

I just found a goldmine of stdh.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t0ynr/throwaway_time_whats_your_secret_that_could/

Paladinus posted:

http://np.reddit.com/r/casualiama/comments/2lbqym/traveled_to_mexico_to_buy_chemicals_to_humanely

quote:

I am STD-free.