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strangemusic posted:Who's the Boss? 2 and a half subs. if they find a switch instead of a dom
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Oct 20, 2014 19:28
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Vagon posted:Could anyone direct me to a post that I've missed while skimming the thread or offer some advice for my fiancee and I? We both love sex, find one another attractive, all that is good and fine but.. We're both very sexually adventurous and like to try more unorthodox things than doggy-style. Our primary issue is that we're both submissive when it comes to sex and each of us find it terribly awkward trying to dom for the other. For example, even dirty/down-talking is hard for us to get going. Humiliation is kind of our kink in the psychological sense, less so in the 'tie my up and make me helpless' sense. I've had a situation similar to this and all I can say is that you both just have to try harder. Give it a go. Pleasing your partner is super fun (or should be!) and if you persevere and just suck it up and go for it (AlistairCookie's words about things sounding less dumb in the moment are totally true) you'll find stuff you can do that is outside your usual comfort zone but that is still enjoyable. You don't have to go full-on-dom/me right away, try just taking turns at taking more control of the scenario.
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Oct 20, 2014 21:15
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This thread is for goons to pretend to be the one eyed man in the land of the blind. It is not for playing stupider than you are, or laying down sicknasty burns on people already sicknasty burnt by life, or for responding to obvious trolls. Do your part to keep this thread out of the gas chamber by not being stupider or more useless than you absolutely have to be.
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Oct 21, 2014 05:18
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Why is making jokes stupid? Shouldn't that be the purpose of all threads, in one sense or another? What do you actually mean by "trolling" in this context? (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Oct 21, 2014 05:24
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I appreciate the help offered in the thread. That said, while (some) of the jokes are funny I got most of my helpful advice in PMs. Both of those who PMed me did so because of the mocking nature of the thread, so I'd assume that's what he means.
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Oct 21, 2014 05:26
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Question for people who do BDSM, why not use "safeword" as your safeword? I see jokes about people choosing safewords that are hard to remember or pronounce, I don't see a logical reason to ever use a safeword other than that.
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Oct 27, 2014 07:06
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They're just dumb sitcom jokes, people don't actually struggle to remember "rhinoceros" irl. Pretty much everyone just uses "red" for stop. Some people also use "yellow" for slow down/check in/almost-red/whatever.
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Oct 27, 2014 07:14
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i like nice words
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There is never a point where I'm going to forget the word that will stp someone from sounding me. That may be because my safeword is the phrase, "Holy gently caress don't do that, what is wrong with you you weirdo."
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Oct 27, 2014 07:20
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Turtlicious posted:There is never a point where I'm going to forget the word that will stp someone from sounding me. Sure, because you're obviously not into BDSM or shoving things into your dickhole. But you get the point in a safe word not being "holy gently caress, don't do that", right? Some people get off on things like rape fantasy, and it's a way to manage that safely. Something like "no means yes, but red means no stop pretend-rape over". Hydrolith fucked around with this message at 09:02 on Oct 27, 2014 |
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Oct 27, 2014 07:24
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Are we going to have the argument that someone who gets off on rape fantasy is a fundamentally broken person?quote:Please shut the gently caress up about your kink If you lot get this thread closed again I am going to lol e: 
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Oct 27, 2014 08:49
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Even that sort of play aside, if you're doing something rough it's good to have something absolutely clear and unambiguous as you can-- "no" works but it's short and can easily get lost in other sounds-- there's nothing wrong with using it if that's what you want to though. Stop can work, plain ol' safeword works if you want something with two syllables, the stoplight system works, 'holy gently caress don't do that, what is wrong with you you weirdo' works-- really the important thing is all involved parties know exactly what you mean when you say it.
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Oct 27, 2014 10:52
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Ok, so I was being hyperbolical for a reason, that reason is this: Please shut up about your kink, you weirdo.
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Oct 28, 2014 03:46
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I kinda miss the kink thread, shame it was overrun by "Kink Grognards"
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Oct 28, 2014 17:48
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Safewords can also be non-verbal, like dropping an object you're holding or the tap-out motion. Bottom line is, safewords can be whatever you want, no one forgets them, there are some standard ones to use, and it's important to have them when doing any kind of sexual roleplaying, BDSM or no, because it's important to keep what's said in character and out of character crystal-clear. And any sane person will stop if they hear "Stop oh god I forgot the safeword please stop" regardless.Turtlicious posted:Ok, so I was being hyperbolical for a reason, that reason is this: No one is being weird or inappropriate with their answers, I don't know why you're flipping out like the thread is going to get closed over an innocent questions about safewords. hoobajoo fucked around with this message at 18:13 on Oct 28, 2014 |
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Oct 28, 2014 18:10
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I didn't read through 25 pages, so please forgive me if this question has been asked/answered. I'm looking for ways to not only approach those with sexual compulsion/addiction in order to assist them on the road to recovery but also ways to cope as a person in a relationship with one. I can give details of the situation if you guys want.
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Oct 28, 2014 19:35
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tra la la
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AltruisticNemesis posted:I didn't read through 25 pages, so please forgive me if this question has been asked/answered. We always want details. Also I might understand what you mean if you give some!
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Oct 28, 2014 20:53
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Masonity posted:We always want details. Also I might understand what you mean if you give some! He wants to learn how to help teach people to not want to constantly touch butts. Is this accurate?
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Oct 28, 2014 21:32
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Him- 29yo male, daddy issues, mental issues (depression, mild narcissism, anxiety), abandonment issues. Raised in a smothering, very tea party, fundamentalist Christian household. He is in a well paying, cushy job- though the subject matter he has to review is NWS/NMS in order to prevent that material from getting to the masses on the internet, with him unable at times to "shrug it off". He was handpicked to be a supervisor by his superiors for this job, though supervising is new to him and he is having problems. He is in therapy now, after me suggesting multiple times, and goes every 1-2 weeks. He is having major family problems regarding money, a store his father owns and embezzlement by his sister of his entire trust fund ($100k.) We are in a semi-open relationship - where flings are okay if approved beforehand, and ideally the extra person will be played with by both of us simultaneously (threesomes, etc.) At any time either person can say no, stop, etc. at any moment and everything will stop (yay consent culture.) He has broken trust a few times during our "openness escapades"-- Example: after I had said no regarding a specific girl he let himself be tricked into breaking the rules in a BDSM scene. Then recently, after I was released from the hospital (chronic autoimmune disorders) and still sick in bed, I discovered he had emailed casual encounters on craigslist, wanting to "play with them" and sending pictures of himself. He has also struggled with compulsive masturbation, even taking breaks at work upwards of 3 times a day to jerk it in a stall. As far as I know he has not slept with anyone without permission outside the relationship. When he is not depressed and riddled with issues from work and family he is trustworthy, open, communicative... Happy. And we are happy. We have discussed his problems. I understand his issues and he described his masturbation as "something he can control" and a "distraction from the pain"... something I understand as an ex-cutter. He has admitted he has a problem. And he is talking to his therapist about it. I am also trying to help and be understanding. Is there a way I can assist him during his recovery without being naggy, motherly, bitchy? Is there something I can tell myself to help with coping and not blame myself? After I discovered the emails I was livid. But eventually I switched from pissed and screaming to identifying his problem and being more supportive - while still being like "nah son, you done hosed up- but we are going to get through this problem - but I'm still pissed like hella." After I talked to him about it and we had a long discussion regarding it, he seemed softer. He cried and apologized and told me he wants to be better. I'm new to sexual addiction, but have helped others with chemical addiction. It's harder for me with sexual addiction/compulsion because its so easy to doubt yourself, your worth and the relationship when he cant control his dick. He seems willing to work on it. If anyone has any tips from when they went through this or anything like that....anything I can use to help both of us through this, it would be greatly appreciated. (sorry if this doesn't make much sense. I'm still on the mend from the hospital and on medications so please excuse my lack of eloquence.)
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Oct 28, 2014 21:32
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AltruisticNemesis posted:Him- 29yo male, daddy issues, mental issues (depression, mild narcissism, anxiety), abandonment issues. Raised in a smothering, very tea party, fundamentalist Christian household. He is in a well paying, cushy job- though the subject matter he has to review is NWS/NMS in order to prevent that material from getting to the masses on the internet, with him unable at times to "shrug it off". He was handpicked to be a supervisor by his superiors for this job, though supervising is new to him and he is having problems. He is in therapy now, after me suggesting multiple times, and goes every 1-2 weeks. I don't have much to say on the main issue, but wanted to comment on this as someone the same age that works in the same field (in the law enforcement side of it). These kinds of jobs can really screw you up if you're at all vulnerable due to depression or stress or family or relationship issues. I find sometimes I can underestimate the effect it has, and I have to be really careful with how I plan my workday if I've had a bad day emotionally (for example, choosing to do boring paperwork rather than starting a new case that afternoon). I also developed very set boundaries with my home life and work - I am prone to overwork so I make a real effort to prioritise my partner. My employer sends me (and my coworkers who do similar stuff) to regular counselling with someone who specialises in the area. Mostly we don't talk about the work, but about stress management and career planning, but it helps to have that safety net. It does feel odd going to counselling while mentally well (having had depression several years ago) but it's surprisingly useful. I think it's great your partner is in therapy, and it's clear he is dealing with a lot more than just the work stuff, but given my experience of how that can creep into the rest of your life if you don't set strict boundaries, I was wondering if his job would have any specific resources like mine does that might help stop that particular aspect from becoming an issue. He may find it helpful to learn how to contain it so it doesn't affect the rest of his life. I'm not saying he should always be able to "shrug it off", since often you can't with this stuff, but there are things you can do that help you deal with it.
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Oct 28, 2014 22:27
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Meander posted:... I thank you immensely for your input. Unfortunately, I don't think his place of employment has any resources he can use. It's hard for me to empathize with his struggle at work. I've been a supervisor with difficult employees and being in the medical field, seeing horrific stuff is the norm. I am helping him apply for other jobs because we both agree this isn't something he should be doing with his mental problems.
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Oct 28, 2014 22:38
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So here's something. I'm dating a mid-20's woman who is still a virgin. I kind of figured she was before and didn't really care, but she felt it was enough of an issue that she should wanted to talk about it first. I don't think it is as big a deal as she is making it out to be, but I have focused on trying to put her mind at ease before and during our next date. I've been trying to arrange things so that she will be as comfortable as possible, and have tried to gently talk to her while also gently nudged her to open her up a little bit (be more willing to try different things and to not be so shy about her body). Anyone have any thoughts? Edit: Google seems to provide some good advice. Not getting nearly as many porn videos as I thought I would. We've already done heavy making out/dry runs. She's seen me, she's stripped to her panties. So I think we're a little beyond square one. This seems to be about what I figured too. quote:TrueChaos posted: Gin and Juche fucked around with this message at 23:24 on Oct 28, 2014 |
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Oct 28, 2014 23:09
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AltruisticNemesis posted:Him- 29yo male, daddy issues, mental issues (depression, mild narcissism, anxiety), abandonment issues. Raised in a smothering, very tea party, fundamentalist Christian household. He is in a well paying, cushy job- though the subject matter he has to review is NWS/NMS in order to prevent that material from getting to the masses on the internet, with him unable at times to "shrug it off". He was handpicked to be a supervisor by his superiors for this job, though supervising is new to him and he is having problems. He is in therapy now, after me suggesting multiple times, and goes every 1-2 weeks. He is having major family problems regarding money, a store his father owns and embezzlement by his sister of his entire trust fund ($100k.) All I'm getting from this is that he has a very high sex drive (which is not a problem, and I don't see why you should regard as a problem to be cured) and that he can't be trusted to respect boundaries you set (which IS a problem). I don't think the two are linked, and I don't think there's fundamentally anything wrong with needing to jack it 3+ times a day either (it's weird, sure, but that's about it). "let himself be tricked into breaking the rules" smells like a bullshit excuse, too. Putting that aside: does his therapist think he has a sex addiction? Has anyone qualified actually diagnosed him with that? That's the important bit. In which case, follow/ask for their advice. If not, don't try to fix him. However, if he keeps transgressing relationship boundaries you set, I would regard that as the most major issue. You'd need to then either be ok with him sleeping around, or not be ok with it and dump him. I don't see any other way around that.
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Oct 29, 2014 04:33
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Go to Al-Anon. He's nuts in a dozen different ways, he's trying to cheat on you, and you won't be able to change his behavior.
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Oct 29, 2014 04:39
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Chamale posted:Question for people who do BDSM, why not use "safeword" as your safeword? I see jokes about people choosing safewords that are hard to remember or pronounce, I don't see a logical reason to ever use a safeword other than that. There's no real reason to use anything other than 'Okay I think I've had enough now' unless you're in some specific roleplaying scenario where you want to be able to say "Noo, stop!" but don't actually mean it, but some habits die hard.
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Oct 29, 2014 10:31
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I could have sworn there was an A/T thread specifically about, and there's a few sentences about the subject in general in the OP, but I gotta ask- any male-specific tips for trimming and cleaning up one's pubic hair? My fiance claims that she'll give me more head if I lose some of the hair in that area, and I figure that calling her on it is worth a shot. Probably best to start with some sort of smaller hair-trimming scissors and a steady hand?
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Oct 30, 2014 04:46
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C-Euro posted:I could have sworn there was an A/T thread specifically about, and there's a few sentences about the subject in general in the OP, but I gotta ask- any male-specific tips for trimming and cleaning up one's pubic hair? My fiance claims that she'll give me more head if I lose some of the hair in that area, and I figure that calling her on it is worth a shot. Probably best to start with some sort of smaller hair-trimming scissors and a steady hand? Use an electric trimmer set to one to give it a good once over, then shave it just like shaving your face. Only tricky spot is the balls, but just go light and slow and it'll be fine. It also feels primo, in addition to helping oral sex.
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Oct 30, 2014 05:11
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C-Euro posted:Probably best to start with some sort of smaller hair-trimming scissors and a steady hand? This worked for me when I started trimming (not 100% shave, just neatening up). I was really nervous about using an electric razor near my sensitive parts and instead would go snail slow with scissors. Eventually switched to trimming with electric due to a combo of developing a better sense of junk/sharp thing proximity + feeling like scissors take too loving long.
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Oct 30, 2014 06:47
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mamelon posted:I was really nervous about using an electric razor near my sensitive parts and instead would go snail slow with scissors.
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Oct 30, 2014 15:50
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Gravel Gravy posted:So here's something. I'm dating a mid-20's woman who is still a virgin. I kind of figured she was before and didn't really care, but she felt it was enough of an issue that she should wanted to talk about it first. I don't think it is as big a deal as she is making it out to be, but I have focused on trying to put her mind at ease before and during our next date. I've been trying to arrange things so that she will be as comfortable as possible, and have tried to gently talk to her while also gently nudged her to open her up a little bit (be more willing to try different things and to not be so shy about her body). For what it's worth we're now... 4ish months in since we started having sex, and it's the best sex of my life. Like holy poo poo it puts everything else to shame.
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Oct 30, 2014 19:12
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C-Euro posted:I could have sworn there was an A/T thread specifically about, and there's a few sentences about the subject in general in the OP, but I gotta ask- any male-specific tips for trimming and cleaning up one's pubic hair? My fiance claims that she'll give me more head if I lose some of the hair in that area, and I figure that calling her on it is worth a shot. Probably best to start with some sort of smaller hair-trimming scissors and a steady hand? To echo the rest, I've always used an electric trimmer to start it off and then finished up with a regular razor. Depending on a lot of factors, pubic hair tends to be long, dense, and coarse meaning going straight at it with a regular razor is a surefire way to gum it up quick. I usually do the razor bit while taking a shower as well, way easier to deal with the cleanup. Haven't nicked myself yet. Like Hooba mentioned, doing the balls is going to be tricky. If you can get away without doing them or just trimming them as opposed to clean shave, that's generally better. Otherwise just be sure to pull the skin taut and use a light touch. After all is said and done, it's going to look better and feel better.
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Oct 30, 2014 19:18
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C-Euro posted:I could have sworn there was an A/T thread specifically about, and there's a few sentences about the subject in general in the OP, but I gotta ask- any male-specific tips for trimming and cleaning up one's pubic hair? My fiance claims that she'll give me more head if I lose some of the hair in that area, and I figure that calling her on it is worth a shot. Probably best to start with some sort of smaller hair-trimming scissors and a steady hand? You know how you shave your face and you don't cut yourself with a razor ever when you do it? You just do exactly the same thing, except in a different spot.
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Nov 3, 2014 03:10
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Top Bunk Wanker posted:You know how you shave your face and you don't cut yourself with a razor ever when you do it? You just do exactly the same thing, except in a different spot. It's seriously not that hard, just don't attempt it with dull razors.
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Nov 3, 2014 04:55
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Just use an electric body trimmer, that is literally what they are for.
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Nov 3, 2014 05:07
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I find a trimmed or shaver (I have a Bodygoom) doesn't get things silky smooth, so I use a razor for finishing up. Absolutely trim it before you shave it. Pubic hair will gum up a razor something fierce.
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Nov 3, 2014 14:49
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Anyone else have problems enjoying themselves when it seems their partner isn't? I can't fathom (in the case of fellatio for example) how so many guys can take such regular enjoyment out of an act that for the most part is directly unpleasant or 'work' for the giver (in the sense that a dick in a mouth doesn't do anything for the persons mouth, per se). I can take as given that there are probably individuals out there that do in fact enjoy it, but based on my aggregate experiences as well as polled information from my immediate network of friends, it seems that's the norm for most (within varying degrees). It would seem some degree of disconnect is required to overcome any nagging empathetic response lest you be destined to suffer at the whim of your partners tastes. Aside from domination fantasies or power play where the individual is directly getting off on accomplishing an act that their partner might not be deriving immediate pleasure from, is it rare for people to be affected by whether or not their partner sincerely enjoys (rather than accommodates) whats occurring?
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Nov 3, 2014 21:52
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Assuming that giving is "unpleasant work" is your projection. Have you ever enjoyed giving a massage, making a special dinner, finding the perfect gift? Where's the line drawn? Do you have to turn off your empathy every time someone brings you a drink while they happen to be up?
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Nov 3, 2014 22:02
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DandyLion posted:(in the sense that a dick in a mouth doesn't do anything for the persons mouth, per se). Sure it can. It has taste and texture. If you treat every oral encounter with a dick like a deep throat contest then I could see why it'd feel more like a purely giving thing, but if you like using your mouth/tongue it can be a direct pleasure just as much as kissing.
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Nov 3, 2014 22:19
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DandyLion posted:Anyone else have problems enjoying themselves when it seems their partner isn't? I can't fathom (in the case of fellatio for example) how so many guys can take such regular enjoyment out of an act that for the most part is directly unpleasant or 'work' for the giver (in the sense that a dick in a mouth doesn't do anything for the persons mouth, per se). I can take as given that there are probably individuals out there that do in fact enjoy it, but based on my aggregate experiences as well as polled information from my immediate network of friends, it seems that's the norm for most (within varying degrees). There's a lot more to sex than direct genital stimulation, just because it doesn't make her cum doesn't mean it isn't sexy and enjoyable. You seem to think if a sex act doesn't lead to orgasm for a person, that means they're "suffering" by doing it, which is a false dichotomy if I've ever heard one.
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Nov 3, 2014 22:38
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DandyLion posted:Anyone else have problems enjoying themselves when it seems their partner isn't? I can't fathom (in the case of fellatio for example) how so many guys can take such regular enjoyment out of an act that for the most part is directly unpleasant or 'work' for the giver (in the sense that a dick in a mouth doesn't do anything for the persons mouth, per se). I can take as given that there are probably individuals out there that do in fact enjoy it, but based on my aggregate experiences as well as polled information from my immediate network of friends, it seems that's the norm for most (within varying degrees). Just enjoy the blowjob you loving idiot.
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Nov 3, 2014 23:14
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Shine posted:Just enjoy the blowjob you loving idiot. If only God had put a clit in the back of everyone's throat.
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Nov 3, 2014 23:47
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