mewse posted:

Is it a reaper? My wallet

Pixelante posted:

I think HMV's was this ugly poo poo. It was folded, so I dunno.

mewse posted:

Fack, looks like an imitation of the Jack Daniels label. I think I can find a spencers near me...

e: awww yeah

Junior G-man posted:

Remind me, what the gently caress was the point of that parking garage love me or leave me thing?

Is this show the television equivalent of jazz, where it's all about the plot points you don't get to see?

Last Buffalo posted:

Isn't that guy a Hell's angel in real life? Do you think you get your patches stripped after acting like such a little bitch in public?

Last Buffalo posted:

Isn't that guy a Hell's angel in real life? Do you think you get your patches stripped after acting like such a little bitch in public?

Ghostpilot posted:

Couple of funny moments, a lot of moments and one moment. Really, only one notable thing happened and it's not what you want it to be.


Hello. I'm Jax Teller. My friend, nay, my brother-in-arms has been captured and is held in an undisclosed location. He's been interrogated. Tortured. Mutilated. Until I acquiesce to their demands, the enemy will send me parts of his body and supercool iPads every 24 hours. Thus far I've received an eye and four fingers and 2 sweet iPads. Somewhere out there, Bobby suffers, matted in blood and mind-searing pain, propping himself with the knowledge that his brothers are tearing through the county, searching high and low, for their lost brother. In reality, I'm in bed wondering if they'll send me another iPad in time for Abel's birthday.

Once upon a time, I had a cat named Juggernaut. I live in a suburb, and a couple of times a day I'd let him out to run around. One day, he didn't come back. I went out looking for him well into the evening, left food out, left my front door ajar as I slept on the couch that night. The next day I printed 'lost' fliers and posted them around with a reward to anyone that found him. Later on that day or early into the following day, I came to find him on some nearby railroad tracks -- he had decided to pick a fight with a train. A fitting end, considering his name.

I bring this up because I put more effort and urgency into finding my missing cat that Jax has to one of his close personal friends who's taken bullets for him. And my cat wasn't being dissected and sent back to me in pieces! However bad your friend is, they're almost certainly better than Jax.


Oh my god. This is my favorite cut in the history of the show. Oh Jesus. I did not edit this in any way.



There they are, eating breakfast, reading magazines, not having a care in the world. Meanwhile there are a couple Tupperware containers with the eye and four fingers of one of their best friends!

I love that Abel has nothing but contempt and disdain for everyone around him. It's as though he's the only one acutely aware that he's surrounded by horrible people. He's emerging as my season favorite.


Jax announces that he wants Abel with him at the cabin today (seriously, what's with the cabin all of a sudden?). So everybody, Gemma, Nero, Abel, Sons and all, are heading to the cabin.


Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease

Wendy gives Abel the good news: no school today!


"Did somebody else die?"

Ain't he great?

So Abel runs off and poor Wendy is crestfallen, watching her son endure all this. Surely Gemma will offer some words of encouragement. Sage words of motherly wisdom to comfort Wendy in this dark time.


"Hey, you signed up for this, sweetheart. You want to help his son? Gotta do it his way."


Now fetch my coffee. Extra spit!

Because his way of ignoring his son and stacking up corpses has gone so well thus far. Maybe he'll be able to see one today! Goddamn, Gemma is the worst.



Coming out of the intro, we find ourselves at the cabin as the Sons meet with crossdresser preacher's stepson for the video of banging young dudes. On one hand, this congregation storyline is easy to follow (if ridiculous with Weekend at Bernie's shenanigans). On the other hand, who cares?
If nothing good can come from this video getting out, why haven't they destroy the video or the phone it's on? Why would Marks care when they've already signed over their share? Why blackmail them over this when the mother's using congrgation money to keep herself smacked out of her mind on heroin?

Anyway, the stepson is wondering why the Sons want the video. Jax says that it's just to get leverage on Marks by proving they have it. The stepson asks why they'd need leverage and Jax replies:


Jax: "It's just a set back."


The pain. Dear God, the pain! T-there's so much blood...


Set. Back.

Jax: "You need to trust me."
Stepson: "Stop saying that! Every time you do, something bad happens."

Holy poo poo, the people of this show are waking up. First Abel, now this guy. Even Nero has flashes of lucidity. There may be hope of these dopes yet.

The stepson says the phone is in his car and goes out to retrieve it. Because Jax doesn't give enough of a poo poo to get out of his chair and make sure he obtains this item that'll save his friend's life, the stepson bolts. Cue buttrock chase scene.

Wasn't his mother still at the cabin? If not, then where is she? Anyway, the stepson goes on to prove that whenever there's an option to do something, there is always another hidden option that's far worse than the rest. The Sons give chase and he runs Happy off the road and nearly runs over Jax. Tig puts a bullet through his window and the stepson pulls over. Turns out that the stepson was going to turn himself over to Marks. Because he's an idiot. Happy beats his rear end, they get the phone and drag him back to the cabin for his own good.


Back at the house, Unser meets with Gemma to tell him about Juice making a deal to get protection in Stockton. He gives up a name: Chris Dunn, as one of the Chinese that killed Tara and Eli. A pretty Irish name for a member of the Triad. Unser says to corroborate the story by picking Chris out of mugshots. Gemma says that they've already gone through the mugshots and...y'know what, none of this matters. The point of this scene is that Ratboy overhears everything because nobody knows how to close a door before revealing deep, dark personal secrets and conspiracies.


We cut to Juice against a wall in a dark, dingy cell with a guard looking up his rear end with a flashlight. Seriously, this actor had to get his face within breathing distance of Juice's hole. Juice has a nice rear end and all, but c'mon.

I want you to give this scumbag a cavity search. I'm talking Roto-Rooter. Don't stop until you reach the back of his teeth!

The guard is dirty, (shocking, I know) and gives Juice a shiv to use on Henry Lin. The guard then reminds Juice that he doesn't have any pockets and we get an extended scene of Juice spitting onto this tube and shoving it up his rear end. I think they're just loving with Juice now, because there's no reason for this thing to be as large as it is.


In case there was any doubt: of course the guard watches.



Over in Sheriff Jarry's office, Gemma proceeds to give the least convincing act ever. Jarry shows him the picture of Chris Dunn:



Gemma literally glances it, " yep, that's the guy. Totally him. Can I go now?" Even Gemma wants this poo poo to be over with.
Jarry wonders how Juice knows so much about this and Gemma callously tells her to ask him and goes to leave. Jarry's confronts Gemma over her not giving a poo poo about Tara's murder. Gemma tells her to spare the righteous cop bullshit and that she knows she's on the club's dime and Chibs' dick. Jarry slaps her and then...


I legitimately cracked up for a solid thirty seconds.

Here's a quiz! What happens next?

A: Does Jarry throw Gemma into jail?
B: Does Jarry let Gemma walk out?

Make your guess? Good, because it's wrong! This is Sons of Anarchy, my friend! The correct answer is always the worse hidden one: Gemma makes a direct threat to kill Jarry and walks out as Jarry clears her desk in frustration. Because in this reality, we're still going with the idea that Gemma's word trumps all others.


Jax and the Sons meet August and his men at some oil derrick in the middle of nowhere. Jax, surrounded by his men, chides August for not coming alone. August is disappointed in Jax for letting personal matters get in the way of business, and that Jax should have come to him. Jax says that August couldn't possibly understand because he doesn't have family.


Sound familiar?

Jax also says, "I'm sorry you feel betrayed." Gotta love that non-apology. He feels betrayed because you betrayed him, Jax.
So they have a bit of back and forth in which Jax tries to place himself as the moral superiority. It completely falls apart once you compare their score cards, which August does. Marks also (correctly) guesses that Jax killed the preacher. Jax says that the preacher was dead when they got there and that he was pretty chopped up when they found him.


TIME OUT!

Poor Jax, he just can't keep himself from lying. Now this introduces a plot hole and it's a big one. Remember this?


This was from two episodes ago, when they re-reburied the preacher on one of Marks' properties and sent him a picture of it. This is what lead to Bobby being captured and tortured. Tyler also directly referenced this last episode:


Marks knows that the preacher wasn't chopped up. He has proof that the preacher wasn't chopped up. Jax sent him this proof. Now both of them are proceeding as though it never happened.


TIME IN!

Jax changes the subject by showing the video of the preacher being banged by a minor. Yes, we get to see it, too. No, I'm not making gif of it.


It's super effective.

Marks wants the mother and stepson. Jax refuses to give them up. Marks asks why he's risking everything to protect them and Jax replies that its because he made a promise. :stonkheh:

Marks assures that he's not going to kill the stepson, but if he wants Bobby alive, Jax will have to bring him, the video and the preacher's body at 4 o'clock (16:00 hours). Beanie Longhair reminds Jax that the pastor wasn't cut up at all when they buried him. Jax assures that he will be.


At mass grave #1 (exhumed for the 3rd time), Tig and Happy fight over who gets to cut up one of the corpses with the hacksaw ("we just need the legs and torso"). Tig also likes Happy because when they're together, he gets to be the normal one.

Back on one of Marks' properties, Jax and Chibs exhume the pastor for the fourth time (fifth? I've honestly lost count). Once again in broad daylight. Doesn't anybody work at these construction sites? Marks already know that the pastor's body is on one of four properties. I dunno, keep men at those properties in case the Sons show up to move the body? And these corpses are a week+ old at this point and have been buried in open earth. They'd be absolutely unrecognizable by now. Anyway, Chibs nearly vomits and says something indecipherable. He and Jax crack jokes and have playful banter as they cut the preacher's head off.


So c-c-cold. Maybe if I bit off my tongue, I can bleed out befo--no! No. That's not what Elvis would do. Gotta stay strong. Stay strong for the King.

So now the Sons are stitching the body together ala Frankenstein. Neverminding that the three black guys killed were of wildly varying physiques, skin tone, been buried for a week, the preacher clearly didn't have tattoos and outweighed the others by at least 75 lbs. Not to mention that JAX SHOT HIM MULTIPLE TIMES IN THE FACE. They're not even attempting the pretense of making sense anymore. Just to be clear, they're trying to pass off this:


and this:

As the same guy.

The Indian Hills (Jury's) charter show up to let the Sons know that they're going to be holding a summit with the other SoA charters over what happened. Jax and Chibs try to figure out how to convince them that Jury ratted. Chibs comes up with an idea.

Chibs: "We've got to prove that Jury spoke to Lin."
Jax: "Juice is the only one who can do that; and a rat venting out a rat isn't going to hold much weight."
Chibs: "Tully gets a phone to the rat bastard, we record it."
Jax: "Alright. Good. Reach out to white. Put it in motion."

They weren't going to believe him before, but now they will because Juice'll have a phone? What? Are these plots being constructed by monkeys with refrigerator magnets now?


So we're back to Bobby, who's smoking and chuckling as Moses comes back to let him know of the good news. Bobby doesn't show pain, acts no differently if he hadn't just had his eye gouged out and four of his fingers cut off. Because we can't have anybody acting on this show. Bobby threatens him. Moses breaks his jaw.


Meanwhile at Teller-Marrow. Nero wants to go to the farm. Gemma doesn't want him to go. We've gotten the same conversation in the past two episodes.

"poo poo" count: 1

Jarry shows up to talk to Unser. In another hilarious moment, it turns out that Chris Dunn, the Irish Triad, was in a drunk tank in Vegas the night Tara was murdered. That's right, a guy that Juice and Gemma ID'ed as the murderer was in another state when the crime happened. Idiots.

"Jesus Christ" count: 1

So Unser says to pull Juice's deal and get him away from Lin. But he also says to not let the Sons know that they caught onto the lie. I don't see how they can do the former without the latter, but who cares about logic.


August and Jax meet up for the exchange. For whatever reason, Jax wants him and August to do this alone. August says "fair enough." _{Why does everybody trust Jax.} This makes zero sense. After a patdown, Jax and August are left alone with their respective barter pieces: stepson, Frankenpreacher, the phone and Bobby.

As they make the exchange, August checks the body, sees that it's stitched together, covered in tattoos, but totally buys it anyway. But it turns out that August was one step ahead of Jax and kept a gun stashed on Bobby.

Jax: "You're a lying piece of poo poo." _{drat, why didn't I think of that?}

Then, August makes an example for those who betray him.



YES! I literally fistpumped.

Marks: "Don't you ever lie to me again."

Poor Marks, he doesn't know that Jax can't help it. Anyway, he takes off with the preacher's body. Later, the Sons are crying over Bobby's corpse. Jax tells Chibs to take junky mother's statement and deliver it to Patterson's (the DA's) office, anonymously (as if it matters, Marks would know where it came from).


Back at detox cabin, Ratboy and Brooke have a heart to heart in which he confesses that he's in love with her but he isn't sure how to resolve his feelings and his obligations to the patch. It's kind of a shame that they didn't do more with this.


At the prison, Juice makes preparations to kill Lin. Also shows that the tube the guard made Juice put up his rear end could've easily have been half the size.


Those dicks.


Swinging back to detox cabin, Jax drops the news of Bobby's death. Jax plays it up as being in retaliation for the Chinese, not Jax needlessly betraying him. Everyone disperses to deal with the news their own way as Jax goes to talk to stepson and junky mom.

Junky mom tries to convince Jax that he's a good person. The expression, dead eyes and flat monotone really makes this.


"I can sense . . . that you are a decent man." She clearly doesn't believe what she's saying.

So after all of that, and the direct threat from Marks if the stepson and junky mom don't keep quiet, Jax sends junky mom's statement to the DA with information leading them to what's left of the preacher's body on Marks' property.
Junky mom points out what Jax said previously about Marks being too powerful for the police. That it would only make things worse. Jax handwaves it all away. Thereby invalidating the majority of this subplot by doing what junky mom suggested in the first place three or four episodes ago.


No, it's cool. He'll never know it came from you.


Chibs and Beanie Longhair meet Jarry have the world's most conspicuous meet up in the parking garage where Chibs gives Jarry the statement and the map of where the left over bits of the pastor are.

Jarry: "So I'm supposed to tell Patterson that a woman I've never met, way outside my quadrant, just happened to reach out to me to make the arrest?"


Something indecipherable.

What the...what? WHAT?!

So Jarry tells Chibs that Gemma somehow knew that she was on his dick. He apologizes and she asks if this was all a mistake - whether he's playing her or if what they have is real. She says that if he wants to prove it to her, he needs to take her right then and there. Otherwise, they can just go back to playing cops and robbers. Chibs says something indecipherable. She moves to leave, he stops her, throws her on top of the hood of the police car and bangs her on the spot as Beanie Longhair watches.


Bodies are piling up all over the place, but no, we can't solve any crimes today because Jarry:



I'd imagine it'd carry some more weight if, y'know, they hadn't just met like five days ago. But no, this is a love for the ages: Parking Garage Diaries.


Yer welcome, sweetheart.


The police dig up what's left of the preacher's body. Juice is thrown into solitary. Rather, another solitary cell, because apparently Juice is the only captive in this prison.


At the cabin once again, they make preparations to bury Bobby. Gemma asks for some time alone with his body.

I need to inhale his soul before it dissipates!

As she weeps over him, Abel sneaks out of his room and happens across her weeping over his corpse, begging his forgiveness. Turns out the tyke was right after all: somebody else did die. : And holy poo poo, I was right: Abel did see a corpse today! Then, with an unholy, bloodcurdling shriek, Gemma bursts into a cloud of bats and flies into the night.


Finally, we close out the episode with Marks being lead off by the police as the Sons watch nearby. Jax deciding to go to the police has negated a sizable portion of the preacher subplot. At least a solid hour of TV time could've been trimmed out over the past several episodes. I mean, it's one thing to have filler, it's another thing to retcon that filler, and that's what has happened in this episode.

4 to go. I can't wait for this to be over.

DangerKat posted:

Fetus Tree posted:

I thought most of you guys liked Bobby?

CODChimera posted:

Well looks like we have at least one genuine fan of the show still here. Impressive!

For the final season there hasn't been many deaths. We lost Bobby(thank god) but even most of the red shirt Sons are still lurking around.

Fetus Tree posted:

I thought most of you guys liked Bobby?

PovRayMan posted:

HUMAN EMOTIONS DETECTED

Rog McDodge posted:

I genuinely thought they were hacking the preachers body apart to line it with explosives to blow up Marks.

It's what I would have done....

Rog McDodge posted:

I genuinely thought they were hacking the preachers body apart to line it with explosives to blow up Marks.

It's what I would have done....

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

Can someone legitimately, seriously, no-fooling explain the thing with the preacher, the kid and his mom hiding out, and why Marks is after them?

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

Can someone legitimately, seriously, no-fooling explain the thing with the preacher, the kid and his mom hiding out, and why Marks is after them?

PK loving SUBBAN posted:

Ok: They own a church (never shown on screen) that Marks is trying to take over to build social housing on part of the land, except that's actually scam he's running on the government. Marks is trying to blackmail the mom and son with the preacher dad's sex tape to sign the paper and give him the land. Barring that he's going to kill them because ???

Therefore, the Sons are actually the good guys here because they're trying to protect good church going folk from losing their church and protect poor people who will never get their social housing.

Grittykitty posted:

Except the Sons shot the preacher in the head because of reasons.

Henrik Zetterberg posted:

Why did they Frankenstein the guy? To give Marks "enough" of the preacher to make it look convincing, but able to keep "enough" to give to the cops?

Grittykitty posted:

Except the Sons shot the preacher in the head because of reasons.

DrProsek posted:

Also that preacher was a pedophile or something so it's all good.