post the most worthless kickstarters and greatest investor rewards you got

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > post the most worthless kickstarters and greatest investor rewards you got

«‹›683 »

MORE CURLY FRIES: Apr 8, 2004

Yodzilla posted:

just gonna leave this here http://kickended.com/

be sure to hit it multiple times to experience true magic

nice

# ? Nov 13, 2014 16:24

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# ? Jun 11, 2024 07:12

MORE CURLY FRIES: Apr 8, 2004

quote:

This experience is a set of consciousness states, and I believe in Safe Sets (grin), and Safe States.

In order to keep your experience as comfortable as possible, you only have to say, �Stop the ride!� in your mind to stop thinking about this book. You will not forget the book, but you will only experience the book from a 3rd person perspective until you say �Get on the ride� in your mind.

quote:

About IMHD

IMHD, or Inner Mind High Definition was inspired by-
Inception
The Matrix
The Holo-Deck on Star Trek
Get it? IMHD

Which also means-

�I am High Definition�

IMHD

quote:

Some people say there are no stupid questions. I want to be friends with them!

In junior high I was introduced to writing in the first person and the third person.

�How do you write in the second person?� I asked, mind wide open, ready to be blown away by this third option.

�You don�t� I was told by an English teacher who had long ago given up hope in the system.

�There is no second person in writing, only First Person and Third Person�

I heard the other kids laughing.

�Stupid� someone said

The teacher didn�t bother to correct them.

I had to wait less than a year to discover Dungeons and Dragons, this was writing in the second person, �You have two choices, do you walk down the corridor, or up the stairs?� and I got to do it live, out loud, so it was like acting and writing all rolled up in one.

I didn�t know this was 2nd person writing, so I kept believing what the kid had said in class, that I was stupid, and my grades were barely passing.

On a visit to the school psychologist, I had an IQ test, 155.

This didn�t help my grades a bit, and because it would have cost the school funding, they didn�t send me to the acting program in the next town, that would have been a paradise for me.

# ? Nov 13, 2014 17:30

ambient oatmeal: Jun 23, 2012

quote:

The diary of Jim, a 52 year old businessman who suddenly finds himself single and goes Internet Dating for the first time in his life.

Extracts from the Diary of an Internet Dater are events in a year of Internet Dating by Jim, a 52 year old businessman who's always been around younger women. His wife was 15 years younger than him, whom he divorced fourteen years ago and with his last partner (they never married - just lived together) with whom he had a 12 year relationship, was 13 years younger than him.

He suddenly finds himself single after that 12 year relationship ends. Jim has never done Internet Dating before, and embarks on a journey to meet that special partner that is both funny and sad at times.

You can read extracts from the diary at https://www.hotbabedates.com

Funding is required to produce a substantial (5,000) hard back print run in order to promote the book globally to potential regional distributors. Additionally the opportunity to promote and sell directly to independent booksellers and book clubs. Funds raised include all proposed marketing costs and supporting promotional material. Once the funding level has been achieved a production order will be placed and our 5,000 print run should be completed within 4 weeks of ordering. Once printed distribution to targeted parties as above will commence. This process should take a further four weeks.

# ? Nov 13, 2014 17:55

Bloody: Mar 3, 2013

he divorced a 23 year old

# ? Nov 13, 2014 18:00

Vicas: Dec 9, 2009; Sweet tricks, mom.

i have never seen a kickstarter that deserved to fail more spectacularly than that one, wow

# ? Nov 13, 2014 18:02

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

that special partner that is both funny and sad at times

# ? Nov 13, 2014 18:06

theflyingexecutive: Apr 22, 2007

Bloody posted:

he divorced a 23 year old

he must have had a good reason he has a _{_{_{childhood-measured}}} IQ of 155

# ? Nov 13, 2014 18:16

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

theflyingexecutive posted:

he must have had a good reason he has a _{_{_{childhood-measured}}} IQ of 155

wrong guy

# ? Nov 13, 2014 18:32

theflyingexecutive: Apr 22, 2007

Sham bam bamina! posted:

wrong guy

oh I assumed that was him because my eyes kept sliding off that wall of text

# ? Nov 13, 2014 19:38

fritz: Jul 26, 2003

Bloody posted:

he divorced a 23 year old

when he was 38

# ? Nov 13, 2014 20:04

Sweevo: Nov 8, 2007; i sometimes throw cables away

i mean straight into the bin without spending 10+ years in the box of might-come-in-handy-someday first

im a fucking monster

theflyingexecutive posted:

he must have had a good reason he has a _{_{_{childhood-measured}}} IQ of 155

surely you mean _{_{_{internet-measured}}} IQ of 155

# ? Nov 13, 2014 20:48

bucketmouse: Aug 16, 2004; we con-trol the ho-ri-zon-tal
we con-trol the verrr-ti-cal

Yodzilla posted:

just gonna leave this here http://kickended.com/

be sure to hit it multiple times to experience true magic

all true magic is based off the Arnold film the running man

i experienced true magic

http://kickended.com/projects/1263469835/

e: also this

http://kickended.com/projects/1651089071/

bucketmouse fucked around with this message at 21:39 on Nov 13, 2014

# ? Nov 13, 2014 21:35

EMILY BLUNTS: Jan 1, 2005

Yodzilla posted:

just gonna leave this here http://kickended.com/

be sure to hit it multiple times to experience true magic

is it supposed to be worse by the fact i'm getting the same one each time

# ? Nov 13, 2014 22:52

Bloody: Mar 3, 2013

EMILY BLUNTS posted:

is it supposed to be worse by the fact i'm getting the same one each time

your using it wrong

# ? Nov 13, 2014 22:53

Same Great Paste: Jan 14, 2006

EMILY BLUNTS posted:

is it supposed to be worse by the fact i'm getting the same one each time

if you don't want to enable javascript, just explicitly click "Random Campaign" in the top bar

# ? Nov 13, 2014 23:54

theflyingexecutive: Apr 22, 2007

http://kickended.com/projects/354102701/

quote:

Following graduation, life and its constant need of monetary sustenance charged me like I imagine it does everyone else. An adrenaline chaser, I decided to join the ARMY police core. I envisioned a life working with a SWAT team, so I enlisted in the reserves. Soon after basic training, the tragic 911 attacks occurred. It wasn't long before I was summoned by letter. I was on my way to Baghdad, my life on hold.

I enrolled in school, once again, only this time I was to study music. I quickly learned music theory, ear training, and formal piano playing was not for me. I still occupied my spare time with writing lyrics.

Pledge $150 or more

0 backers Limited (1 left of 1)

You will receive a hand-written notebook with my quirky and odd lifestyle habits, and tips for food, beauty, exercise, fashion, love and sex tips! You will also receive the party swag bag mentioned in the $75.00 pledge. You will also receive a digital download of the single, and album, and a signed hard copy including a personal thank you on the back of a one of a kind photo of me.

how do people not know that no one will donate if a campaign has $0?

# ? Nov 14, 2014 00:21

Bloody: Mar 3, 2013

dont these people have family members to guilt into donating?

# ? Nov 14, 2014 00:26

fritz: Jul 26, 2003

keyboard vomit posted:

nope found the best one

i clicked on the link and there was an excerpt of his book and guess what font the whole thing is in

you might need two guesses

# ? Nov 14, 2014 00:57

prefect: Sep 11, 2001; No one, Woodhouse.
No one.; Dead Man’s Band

fritz posted:

i clicked on the link and there was an excerpt of his book and guess what font the whole thing is in

you might need two guesses

papyrus sans?

# ? Nov 14, 2014 00:59

fritz: Jul 26, 2003

prefect posted:

papyrus

you know it
http://www.hotbabedates.com/extract.pdf

# ? Nov 14, 2014 01:02

Bloody: Mar 3, 2013

So the moral
of the story is � of the story is � if you ever get asked to meet on a Saturday if you ever get asked to meet on a Saturday
night say yes � night say yes � you can always rearrange the date later ! you can always rearrange the date later ! you can always rearrange the date later !

# ? Nov 14, 2014 02:24

Daynab: Aug 5, 2008

This is something. http://kickended.com/projects/tim7/

It even has a sci fi short story to go with it

quote:

It was a very quiet morning in October, 2030 when Nicole looked down on the plastic strip that showed a surprisingly bright blue. She had never seen a bluer blue. She took a deep breath. She loved her boyfriend Patrick but knew if he had a choice between changing diapers or playing multi-dimensional video games, he would choose gaming. Nicole quietly admitted that, at 16, she was not ready for the responsibilities of motherhood.

The next day, Nicole visited the Susan B. Anthony Pro-Alternative Center located near the 30-story Mother Teresa Skyscraper Green House. The people at the front desk were very friendly and this helped Nicole to relax. She readily sensed that the workers were happy in their work. Nicole changed into a plain white hospital gown and was taken to a small room with several pieces of large, �alien looking� medical equipment. Dr. Jason and

Dr. Emily, both with warm smiles, entered the room. No last names were used because that would seem too formal. Nicole rested on a comfortable cushion in the center of the room. The first procedure involved a machine that resembled a dental drill that quickly located the very tiny fetus. A second machine, a laser, cut a small and painless incision in Nicole�s abdomen near the fetus.

A third procedure led to a small device entering Nicole�s womb, clasping the fetus and then freezing it. Upon removal, the small life form was placed in a tiny cryonic chamber for preservation. Nicole asked that she be allowed to leave a letter and a picture of herself with the fetus. This had become a custom by 2030 and Dr. Jason and Dr. Emily readily agreed. Nicole�s letter started out: �My

Dear Baby, my name is Nicole and I am your mother. I love you very much and think about you every day. I hope you have a wonderful life with your new family�� Theebia was placed in an artificial womb in 2296. Nine months later she was adopted by a loving couple � Audrey and Cary.

On a warm summer day in 2307, she read Nicole�s note for the first time and lovingly gazed at the picture of her mother. She kept the letter and the picture in a locket that hung around her neck and reread Nicole�s letter frequently. While Theebia often wondered what her mother and father were like, she enjoyed her life with her adopted family and was extremely grateful that her biological parents did not kill her.

Thank you, Mommy, the 11-year-old whispered to herself.

# ? Nov 14, 2014 03:51

BobHoward: Feb 13, 2012; The only thing white people deserve is a bullet to their empty skull

http://kickended.com/projects/51021620/

THE HAM TONER brand. The only outdoor hamstring trainer av.
/

# ? Nov 14, 2014 04:05

Meat Beat Agent: Aug 5, 2007; felonious assault with a sproinging boner

ran out of ham toner again :rubshands:

# ? Nov 14, 2014 10:22

Carthag Tuek: Oct 15, 2005; Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
sl�gt skal f�lge sl�gters gang

fritz posted:

you know it
http://www.hotbabedates.com/extract.pdf

"I get an email from DarkSeceret it says �I bet you like wearing lipstick and girls underwear?� Now, what I do in the privacy of my own home is my business and nobody else�s" except people dumb enough to buy my lovely made up diary

# ? Nov 14, 2014 21:54

Vicas: Dec 9, 2009; Sweet tricks, mom.

Snapchat A Titty posted:

DarkSeceret

mods, namechange

# ? Nov 15, 2014 07:46

Carthag Tuek: Oct 15, 2005; Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
sl�gt skal f�lge sl�gters gang

DarkSecretion

# ? Nov 15, 2014 18:17

titaniumone: Jun 10, 2001

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1748376549/powerlace-advanced-auto-lacing-shoe-technology

$650,000 goal for a $200 pair of shoes that doesn't need to be tied

already exists, shame about ur kickstarter

# ? Nov 19, 2014 08:01

BobHoward: Feb 13, 2012; The only thing white people deserve is a bullet to their empty skull

for ur too lazy to tie a knot needs see also: velcro "laced" shoes

# ? Nov 19, 2014 08:21

Malloc Voidstar: May 7, 2007; Fuck the cowboys. Unf. Fuck em hard.

http://kickended.com/projects/891262285/
A middle aged cop is working on a case to bring down the most wanted man in the country who has stolen millions of pounds from the bank. He has followed him all around the country and has had no luck in capturing him. He befriends a young girl who will try and deceive the wanted man and bring him to justice. They go together to find the wanted man, being one step behind every time. As if he knew what they were going to do next. They follow him to an old abandoned warehouse. She goes in to meet him first to make him let his guard down and feel safe, the cop waits outside, he is badly hurt from the last time they fought. The cop hears a loud scream, he starts to rush towards where the girl was meeting the man. He shuffles towards the door and breaks through to find the woman standing over the dead body of the man. She laughs and says � You can�t trust everyone.� Then shoots the cop.

# ? Nov 19, 2014 09:22

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Aleksei Vasiliev posted:

http://kickended.com/projects/891262285/
A middle aged cop is working on a case to bring down the most wanted man in the country who has stolen millions of pounds from the bank. He has followed him all around the country and has had no luck in capturing him. He befriends a young girl who will try and deceive the wanted man and bring him to justice. They go together to find the wanted man, being one step behind every time. As if he knew what they were going to do next. They follow him to an old abandoned warehouse. She goes in to meet him first to make him let his guard down and feel safe, the cop waits outside, he is badly hurt from the last time they fought. The cop hears a loud scream, he starts to rush towards where the girl was meeting the man. He shuffles towards the door and breaks through to find the woman standing over the dead body of the man. She laughs and says � You can�t trust everyone.� Then shoots the cop.

I think he called it modern film noir because he wanted an excuse to wear a fedora, which he strangely does not

# ? Nov 19, 2014 10:05

MORE CURLY FRIES: Apr 8, 2004

Aleksei Vasiliev posted:

http://kickended.com/projects/891262285/
A middle aged cop is working on a case to bring down the most wanted man in the country who has stolen millions of pounds from the bank. He has followed him all around the country and has had no luck in capturing him. He befriends a young girl who will try and deceive the wanted man and bring him to justice. They go together to find the wanted man, being one step behind every time. As if he knew what they were going to do next. They follow him to an old abandoned warehouse. She goes in to meet him first to make him let his guard down and feel safe, the cop waits outside, he is badly hurt from the last time they fought. The cop hears a loud scream, he starts to rush towards where the girl was meeting the man. He shuffles towards the door and breaks through to find the woman standing over the dead body of the man. She laughs and says � You can�t trust everyone.� Then shoots the cop.

you missed the best bit:

quote:

I am currently in talks with a friend who works on a show in the UK called Casualty

and also the bit were he only wanted �250 to film this

# ? Nov 19, 2014 11:31

MORE CURLY FRIES: Apr 8, 2004

http://kickended.com/projects/747754501/

quote:

As of right now we are in the process of making a short film for a promo and right now we need some extra funds to cover some items.

As of right now PRO Productions is making a movie for the new game called Call Of Duty: Ghost. And right now we are about 3/4ths done with the project but the problem is that we don't have that much funding left to keep the project open.

quote:

$5,000 goal

# ? Nov 19, 2014 11:37

Carthag Tuek: Oct 15, 2005; Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
sl�gt skal f�lge sl�gters gang

Aleksei Vasiliev posted:

http://kickended.com/projects/891262285/
A middle aged cop is working on a case to bring down the most wanted man in the country who has stolen millions of pounds from the bank. He has followed him all around the country and has had no luck in capturing him. He befriends a young girl who will try and deceive the wanted man and bring him to justice. They go together to find the wanted man, being one step behind every time. As if he knew what they were going to do next. They follow him to an old abandoned warehouse. She goes in to meet him first to make him let his guard down and feel safe, the cop waits outside, he is badly hurt from the last time they fought. The cop hears a loud scream, he starts to rush towards where the girl was meeting the man. He shuffles towards the door and breaks through to find the woman standing over the dead body of the man. She laughs and says � You can�t trust everyone.� Then shoots the cop.

idgi is the woman the little girl now grown up??

# ? Nov 19, 2014 13:11

Alan Smithee: Jan 4, 2005; A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms.

Enthusiasms, enthusiasms...

Snapchat A Titty posted:

idgi is the woman the little girl now grown up??

I think he used it interchangeably, she was just looking to steal the money

# ? Nov 19, 2014 13:42

MORE CURLY FRIES: Apr 8, 2004

its a little girl with the spirit of an old lady inside her ok

# ? Nov 19, 2014 13:43

Nelson MandEULA: Feb 27, 2011; "...the biggest shitbag
I have ever met."

Music Video Generator:(Video + Drum Machine) x SlowMo=Magic

Our theory: Any video can be imbued with great import if slowed down 25-50% and accompanied by a 808/909 drum machine.

Scenario 1:

You have recorded for insurance purposes a video of your valuables: serviceable, yes, but boring. You take the video file, drag and drop it on a program that automatically adds an ominous beat and slows down the footage, revealing the true glamour of your wealth.

Scenario 2:

You have recorded yourself hitting tennis balls, hoping to spot defects in your backhand. You take the video file, drag and drop it on the same program, and the resulting video shows that you are one cool character, and your backhand transcends the petty mechanics of proper form.

There are two components:

1. Drum Loop Generator This creates a new, randomly generated drum pattern on each run.

2. Video Muxer This joins the audio created by the Drum Loop Generator with your video, creating a new video.

Where can I use this software?

We'll make an OSX version first, and depending on people's interest, we may make ports to other platforms as well.

What will the money be used for?

We would like to develop and release software of varying levels of frivolity (including this one) on various app stores. This money will pay for associated developer fees.

How much should I pay?

We don't think you ought to pay more than a dollar, because we want you to feel you got your money's worth.

When will the software be ready?

We have a rudimentary drum pattern generator working, but have yet to start on the video muxer. We hope to get the software finished by the time the kickstarter project expires.

What if the goal is not met?

If we can't convince 3333 people this ridiculous thing is worth a dollar, man...

# ? Nov 19, 2014 13:52

Nelson MandEULA: Feb 27, 2011; "...the biggest shitbag
I have ever met."

who knew roses cost $32 each!!

# ? Nov 19, 2014 13:55

Cybernetic Vermin: Apr 18, 2005

Nelson MandEULA posted:

who knew roses cost $32 each!!

each person was going to get a dozen. which makes it more bland randomness than crazy

# ? Nov 19, 2014 14:01

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# ? Jun 11, 2024 07:12

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

i like kickstarters for things that come in 'machine grade aluminum' (sic) that are 'laser cut' and poo poo like that

# ? Nov 19, 2014 14:07

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > post the most worthless kickstarters and greatest investor rewards you got

«‹›683 »

Yodzilla posted:

MORE CURLY FRIES posted:

quote:

quote:

quote:

MORE CURLY FRIES posted:

quote:

Bloody posted:

theflyingexecutive posted:

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Bloody posted:

theflyingexecutive posted:

Yodzilla posted:

Yodzilla posted:

EMILY BLUNTS posted:

EMILY BLUNTS posted:

quote:

keyboard vomit posted:

fritz posted:

prefect posted:

quote:

fritz posted:

Snapchat A Titty posted:

Aleksei Vasiliev posted:

Aleksei Vasiliev posted:

quote:

quote:

quote:

Aleksei Vasiliev posted:

Snapchat A Titty posted:

Nelson MandEULA posted: