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Slo-Tek
Jun 8, 2001

WINDOWS 98 BEAT HIS FRIEND WITH A SHOVEL

CelestialScribe posted:

No money for a therapist! I doubt I have depression. Its just that everyone told me raising a kid would be fun despite the hardships, and actually no its just lovely as gently caress.

Like if I have to sit there for one more goddamn minute patting my son to sleep. There are friends I haven't seen in six months. I'll never be able to go to the movies again - something I used to love.

It just sucks. It's fun sometimes but overall, it loving sucks and anyone who says they enjoy this time more than they hate it is a goddamn liar. I just wish people were honest about it is all.

Kids get interesting quicker than you'd expect. You may have run out of gas on the "I Made This, look 10 toes!" thing, but it isn't long before they get funny in a slapstick sort of way, and you can impress the gently caress out of your 4 year old on a regular basis.

2-3 years sounds like a long time, but looking back on it, it went quick.

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GoreJess
Aug 4, 2004

pretty in pink
No, it kind of just sounds like you're an rear end in a top hat that shouldn't have become a parent.

Yes, it's really loving hard & some days/nights I wonder why I thought this was a good idea. But the good vastly outweighs the bad.

CelestialScribe
Jan 16, 2008

GoreJess posted:

No, it kind of just sounds like you're an rear end in a top hat that shouldn't have become a parent.

I actually completely agree with you.

sheri
Dec 30, 2002

I used to think the same way as you. Turns out I had PPD and after getting treated for it I no longer think like that.

Chickalicious
Apr 13, 2005

We are the ones we've been waiting for.
Dude, you're a parent. Sitting around feeling sorry for yourself will accomplish nothing and if your attitude continues for years to come, you're going to screw up your kid too. You need to develop some coping strategies, so whether you think you're depressed or not, you need some professional help.

Hot Dog Day #82
Jul 5, 2003

Soiled Meat
Before my kids got to the laughing and cute phase I too wasn't all that happy with being a parent, and I didn't want to go to a therapist either. What helped me was that I bought a pair of jogging shoes and just started running all my frustrations off. It felt amazing to get out of the house and have some time to myself again, and once the infancy stage was over everything was gravy and I lost some weight to boot!

Papercut
Aug 24, 2005
You're probably just tired dude. Tired and depressed. It really isn't much fun before they're mobile.

But guess what? Once they're around 2 it becomes fun as gently caress.

Avalinka
Nov 4, 2009
pjhalifax - my daughter is 3 months and at present can really only do 30min-1hour active stimulation at once. Her routine and pattern is so important, we have to follow her cues or it all goes to hell. A couple days ago she missed a nap and getting her to have a rest later then go to bed was so so much more complicated. The grandparents need to follow your pattern or you may as well forget it. I'd find it easier to take my baby with me shopping than deal with her later overtired and wound up from someone else.

His Divine Shadow
Aug 7, 2000

I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do.

CelestialScribe posted:

No money for a therapist! I doubt I have depression. Its just that everyone told me raising a kid would be fun despite the hardships, and actually no its just lovely as gently caress.

Like if I have to sit there for one more goddamn minute patting my son to sleep. There are friends I haven't seen in six months. I'll never be able to go to the movies again - something I used to love.

It just sucks. It's fun sometimes but overall, it loving sucks and anyone who says they enjoy this time more than they hate it is a goddamn liar. I just wish people were honest about it is all.

Not everyone feels like you do. I have to echo the people who suggest a therapist.

Personally I feel it's just a symptom of the modern values we have adopted as a society. It's all about me and my needs for fullfillment, gotta travel the world and "experience" stuff, can't have someone cramping that style etc. It's all shallow and materialistic and people spend their days chasing fulfillement that never really comes.

kells
Mar 19, 2009

CelestialScribe posted:

It just sucks. It's fun sometimes but overall, it loving sucks and anyone who says they enjoy this time more than they hate it is a goddamn liar. I just wish people were honest about it is all.

Dude, I have postpartum depression and a high needs baby - she needs constant entertainment to prevent her from crying, sleeps like poo poo, hates cuddles. I still don't feel the way you do.

I'm not sure what you expected from parenthood but I think it's common knowledge that you won't be going to all the latest movies or fancy restaurants with a baby. Okay, maybe you don't enjoy the infant stage (I don't love it myself) but you're halfway to an age where your son might start to learn to walk and talk and act like a little person rather than a needy baby. My daughter already clearly has her own personality and I can't wait to see what sort of person she is going to be. Is there really nothing you look forward to about your kid?

Take your kid to a daytime baby friendly movie or watch movies at home once the kid is in bed. If your friends won't visit you because of the baby they're crappy friends, find new ones. See a therapist or get some pills. Stop resenting your baby for taking away your "freedom" and grow up.

hookerbot 5000
Dec 21, 2009

CelestialScribe posted:

No money for a therapist! I doubt I have depression. Its just that everyone told me raising a kid would be fun despite the hardships, and actually no its just lovely as gently caress.

Like if I have to sit there for one more goddamn minute patting my son to sleep. There are friends I haven't seen in six months. I'll never be able to go to the movies again - something I used to love.

It just sucks. It's fun sometimes but overall, it loving sucks and anyone who says they enjoy this time more than they hate it is a goddamn liar. I just wish people were honest about it is all.

Honestly, a lot of people feel like the first six months suck (and I wouldn't be surprised if more men feel like that than women). Saying wait a year when every day feels crap probably isn't much comfort but once your kid starts transforming from a demanding banshee into a little personality that laughs at their own farts you'll probably find you feel completely differently.

Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009

CelestialScribe posted:

Like if I have to sit there for one more goddamn minute patting my son to sleep. There are friends I haven't seen in six months. I'll never be able to go to the movies again - something I used to love.

See if they do baby showings at your local cinema - I've never seen as many movies in a proper cinema as I did during my daughters first six months of life.

It sounds like you're in something like the funk I was in at first - where it seems like this phase you're in right now will last forever, and you've given your life up in return for nothing but screaming and poop around the clock. But you're not going to have a tiny baby forever, you're going to have an actual kid, and they are tons more fun and rewarding. Also eventually they wipe their own butts, or so I'm told.

But you should definitely talk to someone, if not a professional then at least a friend with older children, about this, and try to put your feelings into perspective. I really sympathise, because I felt much the same way. You're not a horrible person, you just sound overwhelmed and stressed out and exhausted, and it can be hard to see beyond the next diaper change or scream fest when you feel like that.

I hated the baby stage, but the more they grow, the more awesome they become. And then you're finally rewarded for all the effort you've put in and the sacrifices you've made. When you see their face lighting up with pure mindblowing happiness because holy crap, it's you! Their most favourite person in the entire world! And when they come running and throw their tiny arms around your neck... Well, that feeling just cannot be put into words.

CelestialScribe
Jan 16, 2008
Thanks for the kind words. I'm just tired and frustrated - today was a bad day with him. It'll get better. It's all my own poo poo anyway - it's not like you can put that resentment on a child.

Plus he laughs at his rubber duck for no reason and that's cute.

hookerbot 5000
Dec 21, 2009
I've got a question about school.

Where I live kids start school when they are 4 or 5, and the cut off is in February. So Connor would be starting school next summer when he is 4 and a half. I'm thinking about holding him back (which is allowed) because everything I've read says that being the oldest is better than being the youngest, also he is physically small for his age (on the 9th percentile) and I'm not sure he is ready for school emotionally. He is pretty bright, he knows all his numbers and letters, can write (and type) his own name and a couple of other words, he knows his left from his right, etc. But still I'm thinking holding him back is best?

Another thing is I don't know what school to send him to. There's a school in the village but it only has about 12 kids in it. I don't know if he'd be better off going to one of the bigger schools which are also pretty close by. In some ways going to a tiny school sounds good - small teacher pupil ratio and all that - but in other ways I don't know. The high school all the schools feed into is pretty big. The reports and stuff on the schools are much of a muchness and they all follow the same curriculum so it really is just a size thing. Is a school with 12 kids too small?

Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009

hookerbot 5000 posted:

But still I'm thinking holding him back is best?

I was tested to see if I could start school a year early, because I could read and write and do my numbers, etc. They found that while intellectually I was way ahead, my social intelligence was so poor that they basically ordered me back to kindergarten for another year.
If you don't feel like he's ready, then I think you should trust your gut. They can always give him more advanced books and assignments when he starts school, but if he's having trouble figuring out the social side of things, he's going to have a really hard time.

Though I think starting early would be easier in a small school, if you decide to go that route. Fewer kids to figure out how to interact with, and all that.

pjhalifax
May 29, 2004

love boat captain

FishBulb posted:

No routines are important and basically how I've kept my kids awesome for the last 5 years. If they don't respect your routines tell them to gently caress off. Kids need naps and poo poo.

Avalinka posted:

pjhalifax - my daughter is 3 months and at present can really only do 30min-1hour active stimulation at once. Her routine and pattern is so important, we have to follow her cues or it all goes to hell. A couple days ago she missed a nap and getting her to have a rest later then go to bed was so so much more complicated. The grandparents need to follow your pattern or you may as well forget it. I'd find it easier to take my baby with me shopping than deal with her later overtired and wound up from someone else.

Thank you both for the responses. I'm glad I'm not imagining things (although I still could be because I'm always tired). I'll have to give the grandparents a lesson on Sam's cues and a more detailed plan for these visits. Of course there are always other issues, like how people in my family never talk about things or do anything remotely confrontational. Not anymore!

I also find it a lot easier to take him along with me on errands. It's really not that bad -- he just rides around in his car seat carrier thing and watches the world go by.

VorpalBunny
May 1, 2009

Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog

pjhalifax posted:

I also find it a lot easier to take him along with me on errands. It's really not that bad -- he just rides around in his car seat carrier thing and watches the world go by.

Just wait until he gets mobile...

I highly recommend something like this. I have my kids "help" push the shopping cart or the stroller or help me carry the baby in the carseat. I can juggle three kids out and about, partly due to the training we did with one of these.

Bambina
Sep 25, 2007
I said no biting

CelestialScribe posted:

Thanks for the kind words. I'm just tired and frustrated - today was a bad day with him. It'll get better.

This. It's very hard when you're in the eye of the storm, and articulating it can sound pretty irrational. I know I get a bit like that with my two year old and 8 month old. And then tomorrow rolls around and you think 'what was I thinking? You guys are delightful!'

And so on and so on... :love:

Ambystoma
Oct 22, 2008

At least I looked like a popular idiot.
Absolutely this, when you're exhausted and overwhelmed it's easy for negative feeling to start taking over and to feel like you can't do it anymore. Have you told anyone you're close to how you're feeling? It really does sound like you're depressed, even if it's taking a different form than you've experienced in the past. You also sound like you're not getting the help and support you need from other people, it's ok to want to have a little time for yourself, providing you can be realistic about your expectations.
I know I've had some really rough times trying to cope with days on end with zero child free time and next to no sleep, but gradually I'm managing to convince my partner to help out more and the difference is huge. Also, the first 6 months really felt like a slog sometimes, but he's way more fun now at 8 months, and happier too since he was really clearly frustrated by all the things he wanted to do but couldn't, and is thrilled to be able to crawl and express himself a little more, which makes life better for everyone.

AlistairCookie
Apr 1, 2010

I am a Dinosaur
Every age and stage comes with it's own set of good and bad. Time passes, and you trade one set of challenges for another. I think it's subjective what stage is the "hardest", depending on what a parent is personally better at dealing with.

I suppose I'm a freak, but I miss infancy. In hindsight (only in hindsight) birth-to-one was easy. Yes, I remember the sleepless nights, the walking ruts in the floor, the crying (theirs and mine!), the neediness; I'm not sugar coating it, but in the end, they're just babies. Being able to tuck them in a stroller, or wear them, and just be able to go about my business with them in tow, watching the world go by, was so easy. They wake up, you feed them, give them some snuggles and play, then back to sleep. Rinse and repeat. They're fascinated by you, your face, their own body parts, and the most mundane aspects of everyday life. I like babies. It took having a second one for me to really see that. I was able to have a real time comparison to a newborn and a 3 year old, and that gave perspective. Now they are 3.5 and 6.5 and as funny, and loving, and endearing, as they are (oh, and they are!), they are also capable of being absolutely insufferable. Helping them navigate their own roller coaster emotions and social interactions drives me to insanity some days--it's hard. Also the boundary testing and willful disobedience. They can be so quarrelsome with each other; I think they actually look for things to get angry about. Until the switch flips and their best friends again. Normal? Sure. Maddening? So very maddening. Lemme put some more vodka in my coke. ;) Then there's school work, school obligations, teacher conferences, report cards, homework/practice. I'd rather pace with a crying infant; it's so much simpler. The prospect of their teen years makes me want to pull the covers over my head and call in sick. Call the substitute parent! :j:

But we just got done playing in leaves together, with them all pink faced and hilarious, and during those times I feel like a shitheel for ever complaining about them.

The biggest challenge about having your first baby, I think, isn't so much caring for the actual infant, as it is figuring out your new life with the infant. Finding the new normal--because whatever you had been doing Before Kid is over and done, and it ain't coming back. I think that's CelestialScribe's hurdle--and we've all been there. Bad days are just bad days, but if they're all looking like bad days, (or when you are perceiving normal as "bad") then it's time for professional help. Depression comes in lots of different flavors, and post-baby is a unique one. Having a baby requires a huge adjustment in your life; you've got to develop coping skills. And if you have friends who can't handle that you've had a baby, then you need new friends. Unfortunately, I think this is normal too. We had a degree of friend exodus because our lives no longer were able to mesh, although we were okay with letting the relationships naturally fade.

CelestialScribe, can you not have friends over to do whatever with during baby's nap or something? Game? Movie? Get a sitter and go on a date? Go out to dinner with the baby? That's way easier with a 6 month old that it is when they're a toddler; take advantage now. Do you work, or stay home with the baby? Also, where is your partner in all this?

BonoMan
Feb 20, 2002

Jade Ear Joe

AlistairCookie posted:

Every age and stage comes with it's own set of good and bad. Time passes, and you trade one set of challenges for another. I think it's subjective what stage is the "hardest", depending on what a parent is personally better at dealing with.

I suppose I'm a freak, but I miss infancy. In hindsight (only in hindsight) birth-to-one was easy. Yes, I remember the sleepless nights, the walking ruts in the floor, the crying (theirs and mine!), the neediness; I'm not sugar coating it, but in the end, they're just babies. Being able to tuck them in a stroller, or wear them, and just be able to go about my business with them in tow, watching the world go by, was so easy. They wake up, you feed them, give them some snuggles and play, then back to sleep. Rinse and repeat. They're fascinated by you, your face, their own body parts, and the most mundane aspects of everyday life. I like babies. It took having a second one for me to really see that. I was able to have a real time comparison to a newborn and a 3 year old, and that gave perspective. Now they are 3.5 and 6.5 and as funny, and loving, and endearing, as they are (oh, and they are!), they are also capable of being absolutely insufferable. Helping them navigate their own roller coaster emotions and social interactions drives me to insanity some days--it's hard. Also the boundary testing and willful disobedience. They can be so quarrelsome with each other; I think they actually look for things to get angry about. Until the switch flips and their best friends again. Normal? Sure. Maddening? So very maddening. Lemme put some more vodka in my coke. ;) Then there's school work, school obligations, teacher conferences, report cards, homework/practice. I'd rather pace with a crying infant; it's so much simpler. The prospect of their teen years makes me want to pull the covers over my head and call in sick. Call the substitute parent! :j:

But we just got done playing in leaves together, with them all pink faced and hilarious, and during those times I feel like a shitheel for ever complaining about them.

The biggest challenge about having your first baby, I think, isn't so much caring for the actual infant, as it is figuring out your new life with the infant. Finding the new normal--because whatever you had been doing Before Kid is over and done, and it ain't coming back. I think that's CelestialScribe's hurdle--and we've all been there. Bad days are just bad days, but if they're all looking like bad days, (or when you are perceiving normal as "bad") then it's time for professional help. Depression comes in lots of different flavors, and post-baby is a unique one. Having a baby requires a huge adjustment in your life; you've got to develop coping skills. And if you have friends who can't handle that you've had a baby, then you need new friends. Unfortunately, I think this is normal too. We had a degree of friend exodus because our lives no longer were able to mesh, although we were okay with letting the relationships naturally fade.

CelestialScribe, can you not have friends over to do whatever with during baby's nap or something? Game? Movie? Get a sitter and go on a date? Go out to dinner with the baby? That's way easier with a 6 month old that it is when they're a toddler; take advantage now. Do you work, or stay home with the baby? Also, where is your partner in all this?

Don't have a lot to add other that this is a Pro Post.

Gothmog1065
May 14, 2009

AlistairCookie posted:

CelestialScribe, can you not have friends over to do whatever with during baby's nap or something? Game? Movie? Get a sitter and go on a date? Go out to dinner with the baby? That's way easier with a 6 month old that it is when they're a toddler; take advantage now. Do you work, or stay home with the baby? Also, where is your partner in all this?

My wife and I are huge game players. I'm a COD idiot, we play Final Fantasy XIV together online, and we have friends come over a few weekends a month to play board games (Pandemic with 6 pandemic cards :D), and it's a hoot. Most of the time we have the baby with us and for the most part he's content to play by himself (with himself if he can get a hold of it ugh). Sometimes we'll pawn the baby off on mom or my sister (who would have 1000 more if she was capable), and we'll have a game night without him. It's not really that hard right now. I think once he gets to toddlin' about we'll actually have to get rid of him for game night.

Otherwise I love my baby so drat much. My wife and I agreed on two, then I get snipped.


AlistairCookie posted:

Lemme put some more vodka in my coke. ;)

:barf: Other than this one part, the rest of this is so true.

I get frustrated with Colby quite a bit. I'm jobless so I'm home with him all the time, and it's frustrating as crap when the wife comes home from working (And she does work hard) but she doesn't want to do anything with him. She almost treats him like a pet. She plays with him and that's about it. I diaper, feed, bathe, clothe, all the non "fun" stuff, and it gets irritating when I feel like I'm doing it all by myself.

One suggestion I might make is see if there is a daycare facility that allows drop ins. You'll have to get medical records and stuff, but it might be a way to get the baby taken care of while you take the day to relax.

AlistairCookie
Apr 1, 2010

I am a Dinosaur

Gothmog1065 posted:

I get frustrated with Colby quite a bit. I'm jobless so I'm home with him all the time, and it's frustrating as crap when the wife comes home from working (And she does work hard) but she doesn't want to do anything with him. She almost treats him like a pet. She plays with him and that's about it. I diaper, feed, bathe, clothe, all the non "fun" stuff, and it gets irritating when I feel like I'm doing it all by myself.

Such is the Stay At Home Parent life, I think. I remember that stage. We had to have a 'come to Jesus' moment a time or two in the first few months of parenthood about exactly this, in my house. It's not malice (although I'm sure you know that.) It's the working parent not fully realizing that while they have just come home from a day at work and just want to relax, you too have spent the day working and want the same thing. (And you both deserve it.) Except you live where you work, and work where you live, and it never ends and you're never "off". My suggestion is to make evening bath and bed Mommy time. It's fun, it's bonding, and you can go off and hit the PS3 or something for an hour. Talk about it; just because one works and one stays home, you are both equally parents. (Nothing makes me shake my head more than hearing about someone having to convince or implore their wife/husband/partner into helping take care of a child, or a Dad proudly proclaiming that they've never done a diaper. Rubbish. You both made the child; you both care for the child. End of story. Also, men are every bit as capable, as you can attest to. The Incompetent Dad excuse is bunk, and needs to die a horrible death.)

Also, I consider feeding, bathing, and dressing part of 'fun stuff' with babies. Not diapers though. gently caress diapers. But I get that those are more maintenance chores. ;)

Also, make sure on the weekends you divide baby duties equitably (whatever is agreeable to you both.) It's really easy for the working parent to just hand off the baby to the stay at home parent on the weekends for feedings or naps because they're the ones who usually do that sort of thing. Again, it's not generally malice; they just perceive that to be the logical thing to do. (I really have lived this.) Talk about it with her, or you will eventually go out of your head. Trust me.

And raspberry vodka and Coke Zero is the drink of champions. :colbert:

Sockmuppet
Aug 15, 2009

AlistairCookie posted:

I think it's subjective what stage is the "hardest", depending on what a parent is personally better at dealing with.

This is so true. We've entered the phase of "flopping about on the floor while weeping piteously because the world is horribly unjust!", but I personally find that SO much easier to deal with than pacing the floor with a crying infant. Because now I mostly know why she's crying, and I'm not frustrated and worried and guiltridden because my tiny baby is miserable for some unknown reason. Now I'm just trying not to laugh at my enraged toddler who desperately wants to run into traffic/wear two shoes on one foot/eat a raw egg.

And I get more sleep, which makes everything easier to deal with :)

greatn
Nov 15, 2006

by Lowtax
I can't feed my guy medicine. He's 17 months and got a nasty ear infection, he really needs this stuff. The first couple of days he was taking his medicine really really good, and swallowing it all. But now he won't, and will immediately spit it out. Worse, he is extremely verbal that he doesn't want it, the most verbal he is about anything. I don't think he's getting enough.

I'd just hide it in food, but he's unpredictable with food and there's no telling what he'll actually eat, so I'm afraid to put it in something and waste it if he doesn't eat it. The only thing he will always eat is grapes, and that is a crappy container for ear infection medicine.

sullat
Jan 9, 2012

greatn posted:

I can't feed my guy medicine. He's 17 months and got a nasty ear infection, he really needs this stuff. The first couple of days he was taking his medicine really really good, and swallowing it all. But now he won't, and will immediately spit it out. Worse, he is extremely verbal that he doesn't want it, the most verbal he is about anything. I don't think he's getting enough.

I'd just hide it in food, but he's unpredictable with food and there's no telling what he'll actually eat, so I'm afraid to put it in something and waste it if he doesn't eat it. The only thing he will always eat is grapes, and that is a crappy container for ear infection medicine.

Is it the pink stuff or the white stuff? We had no problems with the pink stuff, but the white stuff we hid in his milk. That also worked with kiddie tylenol.

Kalenn Istarion
Nov 2, 2012

Maybe Senpai will finally notice me now that I've dropped :fivebux: on this snazzy av

greatn posted:

I can't feed my guy medicine. He's 17 months and got a nasty ear infection, he really needs this stuff. The first couple of days he was taking his medicine really really good, and swallowing it all. But now he won't, and will immediately spit it out. Worse, he is extremely verbal that he doesn't want it, the most verbal he is about anything. I don't think he's getting enough.

I'd just hide it in food, but he's unpredictable with food and there's no telling what he'll actually eat, so I'm afraid to put it in something and waste it if he doesn't eat it. The only thing he will always eat is grapes, and that is a crappy container for ear infection medicine.

That's basically the worst age to have to give meds. They're old enough to be able to spit out stuff they don't like but not old enough for any of the reasoning / cajoling you can use with an older kid to be useful.

It's not a 'nice' way, but our doc said when it's really important you can force them to take it by having your partner help hold their head still and tilted slightly back, and use a Med syringe to squirt small amounts into the side of their cheek where they can't effectively spit it out.

Basically number 6 here: http://m.wikihow.com/Administer-Medicine-to-a-Resistant-Child

greatn
Nov 15, 2006

by Lowtax

sullat posted:

Is it the pink stuff or the white stuff? We had no problems with the pink stuff, but the white stuff we hid in his milk. That also worked with kiddie tylenol.

The white stuff. But he has a tendency to take a couple sips of his milk, carry it off and leave it under the couch.

Gothmog1065
May 14, 2009
Have you tried to get the pharmacy to flavor it? I know a lot of the big chains are offering that now, if your kid doesn't like the medicine, they can flavor and see if they'll like it better?

greatn
Nov 15, 2006

by Lowtax
Oh, I'll have to ask about that next time. I haven't tasted the default but it smells good to me. He takes Tylenol no problem so if I can get Tylenol flavored amoxixillin or whatever its called that'd be great.

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

Do they still have the swallow reflect when you blow on their faces at that age? We use to have to restrain our kid and force it in and blow on his face to force him to swallow it. Thank god hes old enough for chewables now for otc stuff.

KiddieGrinder
Nov 15, 2005

HELP ME
My nephew is a teenager (is this thread ok for teens? :ohdear:) and has had issues with his parents and school for a while now.

It's specifically homework, or lack thereof, but some people might file it under discipline. Anyway, this has been going on for years, and has only either stayed the same or gotten worse. My nephew has been in a near constant state of 'grounded', since he never improves his grades.

This 'grounded' state has obviously not helped his problems, and I've also learned that as a final threat/coup de grace, my brother has threatened to take away his Xbox 360 and gaming PC if his grades do not improve.

He's also taken the dramatic step to go to some sort of pseudo-military school (both parents and my nephew welcomed this arrangement), but it seems not to have helped his actual grades. Discipline around the house, I don't know, but I sort of warned my brother and his wife that even if he learned discipline and respect at this school, it would most likely be respect for those specific authority figures, and wouldn't just magically copy over to them.

Personally, I know from experience that both threats and bribes do not work in trying to get someone to do what you want them to do, if they don't want to do it. I didn't do well in school, and my parents tried both techniques, and neither worked. I had to be homeschooled in the end, and that's the only reason my grades suddenly leapt from Fs to As.

So, is this constant grounding and threats actually productive parenting? Do threats actually work (in this case it seems no already, but they keep trying)? How could I bring this up without coming off as a nosey rear end in a top hat?

greatn
Nov 15, 2006

by Lowtax
Well what I just did that I honestly can't believe worked, I impaled grapes on the syringe, sprayed the medicine through the grape, which he then plucked off and ate with his teeth.

Slo-Tek
Jun 8, 2001

WINDOWS 98 BEAT HIS FRIEND WITH A SHOVEL

KiddieGrinder posted:

My nephew is a teenager (is this thread ok for teens? :ohdear:) and has had issues with his parents and school for a while now.

It's specifically homework, or lack thereof, but some people might file it under discipline. Anyway, this has been going on for years, and has only either stayed the same or gotten worse. My nephew has been in a near constant state of 'grounded', since he never improves his grades.

This 'grounded' state has obviously not helped his problems, and I've also learned that as a final threat/coup de grace, my brother has threatened to take away his Xbox 360 and gaming PC if his grades do not improve.

He's also taken the dramatic step to go to some sort of pseudo-military school (both parents and my nephew welcomed this arrangement), but it seems not to have helped his actual grades. Discipline around the house, I don't know, but I sort of warned my brother and his wife that even if he learned discipline and respect at this school, it would most likely be respect for those specific authority figures, and wouldn't just magically copy over to them.

Personally, I know from experience that both threats and bribes do not work in trying to get someone to do what you want them to do, if they don't want to do it. I didn't do well in school, and my parents tried both techniques, and neither worked. I had to be homeschooled in the end, and that's the only reason my grades suddenly leapt from Fs to As.

So, is this constant grounding and threats actually productive parenting? Do threats actually work (in this case it seems no already, but they keep trying)? How could I bring this up without coming off as a nosey rear end in a top hat?

No way you can bring this up without being a nosy rear end in a top hat.

In terms of what to do about it. Call every teacher and say "I need an e-mail of my child's homework assignments, cc'd to myself and my child every day" Costs the teacher an extra 20 seconds, and he or she probably already has a similar arrangement with other actually engaged and attentive parents. Then you say "the X-box doesn't get turned on until you've done your homework, and checked it by me" This costs the parent probably 15 minutes every day(which is the sticking point, I expect). But it is a lot more likely to have results than bouncing him around schools, or grounding him till he is 25.

It costs time and attention. And it is a pain in the rear end for the parent. I suppose you could volunteer to be nephew's study buddy, and plow Your 15 minutes a day into checking his homework against the list...that would be weird and intrusive, but probably better than telling somebody else they need to do that...because uncle kiddy-grinder says.

Military school was interesting for me as a teen, ended up meeting some way-richer, way more hosed up kids. Turns out that my academic/social/behavioral/drug problems weren't poo poo on the kinds of problems you can get with real money and and real problems and real inattentive folks. I found it instructive, but not the way it was pitched, I don't think.

sudont
May 10, 2011
this program is useful for when you don't want to do something.

Fun Shoe
Suggestions for teaching an almost 17 month old "Yes"? He is the happiest, most social, and off the charts verbal kid but he will NOT indicate affirmative at all, even when I know he wants something. I can tell he's hungry, and will say, "C, would you like a snack?" and he'll say "MOW!" (which is how he says no).

I've tried breaking it down into binary choices I know he likes, like "Would you like a banana for a snack? *MOW* How about cheese? *MOW*" But his default resposne to any question-sounding interaction is no. I worry that it's because I haven't created a yes-environment for him and he hears "no" too much, but I also think he's a willful little bugger and will say "mama, awwwww" and cover me with hugs and kisses but when I say "Do you love mama?" he will say "MOW!" so he understands he has some "control" over the situation.

When he makes whiney noises indicating he wants something I ask him to try to use words, because he knows so many words, or point to what he wants, and that sometimes helps, but I want him to learn to say "Yes" at some point! I understand what he's asking for because I'm with him 24/7 but I want him to be able to interact with and communicate with other adult humans!

greatn
Nov 15, 2006

by Lowtax
It's a shame, because he's basically right and a lot of homework is bullshit. At least if he's gifted enough, it's a waste of time for him where he doesn't learn anything. But he needs the skill of being able to do work he doesn't feel like he needs to do for life, because you can coast in high school but you can't coast in life.

IF he doesn't respect his teachers or parents, who does he respect? You? My neice was very much like this in high school, and I explained to her how I agree it seemed like bullshit but was actually important, and actually less effort and less stressful in the long run to do your homework than to skip it, and she listened.

Kalenn Istarion
Nov 2, 2012

Maybe Senpai will finally notice me now that I've dropped :fivebux: on this snazzy av

greatn posted:

Well what I just did that I honestly can't believe worked, I impaled grapes on the syringe, sprayed the medicine through the grape, which he then plucked off and ate with his teeth.

Funny, I actually thought of injecting it into an orange and then went nahhhhhh

Hdip
Aug 21, 2002

sudont posted:

Suggestions for teaching an almost 17 month old "Yes"? I can tell he's hungry, and will say, "C, would you like a snack?" and he'll say "MOW!" (which is how he says no).

I ask my just turned 2 year old. "Littledip would you like some grapes?" "No, grapes! ... Grapes please!" He just likes to say no first I guess.

Kitiara
Apr 21, 2009

sudont posted:

Suggestions for teaching an almost 17 month old "Yes"?

I think he'll learn it when he's ready. My daughter did this for the longest time too, and one day she just started "yeah"-ing everything. "Yeah, Milk", "Yeah apples", etc. There's just something about saying no that kids love. I'd suggest that instead of asking "Do you want apples?", you ask him "Would you like an apple or a banana?". Hopefully he'll pick one rather than just saying Mow.

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jassi007
Aug 9, 2006

mmmmm.. burger...

greatn posted:

It's a shame, because he's basically right and a lot of homework is bullshit. At least if he's gifted enough, it's a waste of time for him where he doesn't learn anything. But he needs the skill of being able to do work he doesn't feel like he needs to do for life, because you can coast in high school but you can't coast in life.

IF he doesn't respect his teachers or parents, who does he respect? You? My neice was very much like this in high school, and I explained to her how I agree it seemed like bullshit but was actually important, and actually less effort and less stressful in the long run to do your homework than to skip it, and she listened.

Most teens could probably benefit a lot from a trusted 30 something telling them it isn't about the classwork itself as much as it is with learning how the world is going to expect them to function. High school focuses to much on the content and not the general idea of you need to know how to be a grown up to some degree when you leave here. Kids ask all the time "when will I use this" and the answer should be, you may or may not, but learning to do quality work with the requirements given is in itself a useful thing in life. Whether or not you'll use this physics or trig or calc isn't the most important thing you'll get out of high school. Try as hard as you can to show him homework is just a way of training teenagers how to function in a job. Use your own job as an example if applicable. Maybe get a college professor to give a little "this is what things would be like in school" spiel.

I'm in my 30's and I think about how much my parents and the adults around me did not explain why it was valuable to "do well" or help me work deeper than "continue your education" I can't get that time back and I'd be in a better job I think and live an easier lifestyle if I had someone to explain that those things matter because X Y and Z.

I really hope as a dad I can get these concepts to my children in a way that is useful to them.

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