Let's Read the Sword of Truth books! (Or not. Can we not?)

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claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

The show is legitimately good. I was thinking of highlighting some of the differences after we got done with book one and had introduced 99% of the stuff it dealt with. But yeah, like you, until I began re-reading this, I swore that... uh... THAT SEGMENT was much earlier in the novel and just took forever. No. It only feels that way.

# ? Nov 22, 2014 07:14

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# ? Jun 10, 2024 04:11

Sindai: Jan 24, 2007; i want to achieve immortality through not dying

I know exactly what you're talking about and I too was surprised to see we're half through without getting to it yet. I guess it just looms large in memory because :stare:

# ? Nov 22, 2014 08:41

malkav11: Aug 7, 2009

Just a quick point of order: Richard is still a huge dick, but he doesn't send Kahlan off unarmed. Your quoted passage has him putting Kahlan's knife back in the sheath on her belt. Because, I mean, a knife will totally defend her from giant predators that eat humans.

# ? Nov 22, 2014 10:05

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

malkav11 posted:

Just a quick point of order: Richard is still a huge dick, but he doesn't send Kahlan off unarmed. Your quoted passage has him putting Kahlan's knife back in the sheath on her belt. Because, I mean, a knife will totally defend her from giant predators that eat humans.

I will be the first to admit I finished the first book/my quotes while slightly drunk, and the delay is cleaning up what I have written into something legible. My bad for mistaking that.

# ? Nov 23, 2014 04:29

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

So let's take a minute to examine Darken Rahl.

Sure, he's an incredible strawman of things the author hates, and he's cartoonishly evil, but he is, despite this, a solid villain. His father's plan of "take the world by force" screwed up, so what did he do? He began waging a propaganda war, where even if he doesn't win over everyone, he's at least kept people divided instead of allied against a single threat. Meanwhile, his quest to get the Boxes of Orden is actually going drat well. His only real mistake is kicking that into gear before getting all three, but look out! He's only barely kept from getting the last by Giller, and even then it is skin-of-the-teeth. Hell, look at how that goes: makes a play of alliance to that kingdom when he knows the Box is there, tell them he'll show up in a week, then just drop by the next day to gently caress up anyone plotting.

I mention this because immediately after they make up, Richard and Kahlan stumble upon the next phase of his PR campaign.

quote:

Even from a distance, Richard and Kahlan both knew that something was wrong. The mill was silent, the streets empty. The whole town should have been alive with activity. There should have been people at the shops, on the docks, at the mill, and in the streets, but there was no sign of beast or man. The town hunched in quiet, except for some tarps flapping in the wind, and a few squeaking and banging tin panels on the mill buildings.

When they got close enough, the wind brought something other than flapping tarps and banging tin; it brought the putrid smell of death. Richard checked that his sword was loose in its scabbard.

Bodies, puffy and swollen, nearly ready to burst, stretched buttons, and oozed fluid that attracted clouds of flies. The dead lay in comers and up against buildings, like autumn leaves blown into piles. Most had ghastly wounds; some were pierced through with broken lances. The silence seemed alive. Doors, smashed in and broken, hung at odd angles from a single hinge, or lay in the street with personal belongings and broken pieces of furniture. Windows in every building were shattered. Some of the buildings were nothing more than cold, charred piles of beams and rubble. Richard and Kahlan both held their cloaks across their noses and mouths, trying to shield themselves against the stench as their eyes were pulled to the dead.

"Rahl?" he asked her.

She studied different tumbled bodies from a distance. "No. This is not the way Rahl kills. This was a battle."

"Looks more like a slaughter to me."

She nodded her agreement. "Remember the dead among the Mud People? That is what it looks like when Rahl kills. It is always the same. This is different."

They walked along through the town, staying close to the buildings, away from the center of the street, occasionally having to step over the gore. Every shop was looted, and what wasn't carried off was destroyed. From one shop, a bolt of pale blue cloth, with evenly spaced dark stains, had unwound itself across the road, as if it had been thrown out because its owner had ruined it in death. Kahlan pulled his sleeve, and pointed. On the wall of a building was written a message� in blood. DEATH TO ALL WHO RESIST THE WESTLAND.

"What do you suppose that means?" she whispered, as if the dead might hear her.

He stared at the dripping words. "I can't even imagine." He started off again, turning back twice to frown at the words on the wall.

Divide. And. Conquer. Good poo poo.

This is a good villain. He is planning ahead and keeping people off-guard, but not straight up god-moding over everything. He can be thwarted (see: Giller), but there's contingencies all over the place (see: "Yeah, some loving rear end in a top hat took the manual to these, but he stole a bone too and I can track that.").

A few survivors are around, women and children save one young and one old man somehow overlooked. Needless to say, the "Westlanders" were brutal and of course there were rapes aplenty. I'm not quoting that bit. Richard gets sulky again and says "it wasn't us!" over and over to Kahlan. Seriously, it's almost all he says.

quote:

Richard shook his head in wonderment. "Then what?"

"Word spread; there was more work here than the town people could handle. Work for Father Rahl. More people came in to work the orders for lumber. While all this was going on, the missionaries told the people of the threat to them from Westland. The threat to Father Rahl from Westland."

"From Westland!" Richard was incredulous.

She nodded. "Then the People's Peace Army moved out, saying they were needed to fight the Westland forces, to protect the other towns that had sworn allegiance to D'Hara. The people begged for some to stay, for protection. In return for their loyalty and devotion, a small detachment was left behind."

Richard ushered her back onto the trail ahead of him as he gave one last puzzled glance over his shoulder. "So it wasn't Rahl's army that did this?"

The trail was wide enough, so she waited until he was next to her before she went on. "No. They said everything was fine for a while. Then, about a week ago, at sunrise, a military unit of the Westland army swept in, killing the D'Hara detachment to a man. After that, they went on a rampage, killing people indiscriminately, and sacking the town. As the Westland soldiers killed, they yelled that this was what happens to anyone following Rahl, to anyone who resists Westland. Before the sun set, they were gone."

Richard grabbed a fistful of shirt at her shoulder, jerking her to face him.

"That's not true! Westlanders wouldn't do this! It wasn't them! It couldn't be!"

She blinked at him. "Richard, I did not say it was true. I am merely telling you what I was told, what those people back there believe."

He released his grip of her shirt, his face having a second reason for its flush. He couldn't help himself from adding, "No Westland army did this." He started to turn back to the trail, but she took his arm, halting him.

[...]

"Westlanders did not do this!"

She studied his face. "I know. But who? Why?" Her expression cooled back to calm.

[...]

"A group of soldiers that big isn't going to be traveling by trail through a thick wood such as this, they'll stay to the roads, but I think it best if we start looking for wayward pines at night. No telling who could be watching."

She nodded her agreement. "Richard, many people of my homeland have joined with Rahl, and done unspeakable crimes. Does that make you think less of me?"

He frowned. "Of course not."

"And I would think no less of you were it Westland soldiers. It is no crime upon you, to have your countrymen do things you abhor. We are at war. We are trying to do as our ancestors have done in the past, Seekers and Confessors alike; dethrone a ruler. In this, there are only two we can count on. You and me." She studied him with an intense, timeless expression. He realized he was gripping the hilt of his sword tightly. "A time may come when it is only you. We all do as we must." It was not Kahlan who had spoken; it was the Mother Confessor.

"It was not Westlanders," he muttered under his breath, following behind her.

Somehow in the middle of this, they stumble onto Rachel. What follows is one of the most awkward loving scenes as they:
- try to break the loaf of bread she has the Box of Orden hidden in
- try to bring her along when they head to Tamarang (reminder: where Violet lives)
- literally threaten to skin Giller alive

quote:

Kahlan smiled. "We are going to Tamarang, to see the Queen." Rachel stopped chewing. She couldn't breathe. "We will take you with us. I'm sure the Queen will be able to find someone to take care of you, if I ask."

"Kahlan, are you sure about this?" Richard whispered. "What about the wizard?"

Kahlan nodded and spoke softly to him. "We will see to her before I skin Giller."

Rachel forced herself to swallow, so she could breathe. She knew it! She knew she shouldn't trust a woman with long hair. She almost cried; she was just starting to like Kahlan. Richard was so nice. Why would he be nice to Kahlan? Why would he even be with a woman mean enough to hurt Giller. It must be like when she was nice to Princess Violet, so she wouldn't get hurt. He must be afraid of getting hurt, too. She felt sorry for Richard. She wished he could run away from Kahlan like she was running away from Princess Violet. Maybe she should tell Richard about the box, and he could run away from Kahlan with her.

No. Giller said not to trust anyone. He might be too afraid of Kahlan, and tell her. She had to be brave for Giller. For all the other people. She had to get away.

I really enjoy these early Rachel segments, because while she's still a child, she's just clever enough that watching the world from her perspective, and seeing the conclusions she draws from it, is distinct from drat near anyone else in the novels. And sometimes it's hilarious.

quote:

Richard mussed her hair. "See you in the morning, little one."

And then he was gone, and she was alone with Kahlan. She squeezed her eyes shut tight. She had to be brave, she couldn't cry. But then she did.

Kahlan held her tight. Rachel shook. Fingers stroked her hair. Kahlan rocked her while Rachel eyed a dark gap in the boughs on the other side of the wayward pine. Kahlan's chest was making funny little movements, and Rachel realized with wonder that she was crying, too. Kahlan put her cheek against the top of her head.

She almost started to believe� but then she remembered what Princess Violet said sometimes, that it hurt more to punish than to be punished. Her eyes went wide at what Kahlan must be planning that would make her cry. Even Princess Violet never cried when she dealt out a punishment. Rachel cried harder, and shook.

[...]

Rachel could hear her putting on her cloak and going outside. She listened to which way Kahlan's feet went. After he put some more wood in the fire, Richard lay down, close. She could see the inside of the wayward pine brighten. She knew Richard was watching her; she could feel his eyes on her back. She wanted so much to tell him how mean Kahlan really was, and ask him to run away with her. He was such a nice man, and his hugs were the bestest things in the whole world. He reached over and pulled the blanket up around her tighter, tucking it under her chin. Tears ran down her cheeks.

She could hear him lie on his back and pull his blanket up. Rachel waited until she heard his even breathing and she knew he was asleep before she slipped out from under the blanket.

Amazingly, because she's so tiny and is careful to not get scratched by trees/burrs, she's almost impossible for Richard to track. So Rachel is off in the world alone again! Hope nothing terrible happens to her. Rather than leave you on that note, though, let's all laugh at this:

quote:

"Kahlan, it isn't your fault."

She nodded. "It was my hair. Didn't you see the fear in her eyes when she looked at my hair? I have seen that look a thousand times. Do you have any idea what it's like to frighten people, even children, all the time?" He didn't answer. "Richard? Cut my hair for me?"

"What?"

She turned to him, pleading in her eyes. "Cut it off for me?"

He watched the hurt in her eyes. "Why haven't you just cut it yourself?"

She turned away. "I cannot. The magic will not allow a Confessor to cut her own hair. If we try, it brings pain so great, it prevents us from doing so."

"How could that be?"

"Remember the pain you suffered, from the magic of the sword, when you killed a man the first time? It is the same pain. It will render a Confessor unconscious before the task can be accomplished. I tried only once. Every Confessor tries once. But only once. Our hair must be cut by another when it needs trimming. But none would dare to cut it all off." She turned to him once more. "Will you do it for me? Will you cut my hair?"

He looked away from her eyes, to the brightening slate blue sky, trying to understand what it was he was feeling, what it was she must be feeling. There was so much he didn't know about her, still. Her life, her world, was a mystery to him. There had been a time when he wanted to know it all. Now he knew he never could; the gulf between them was filled with magic. Magic, designed, it seemed, explicitly to keep them apart.

His gaze returned at last to her. "No."

Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen.

# ? Nov 23, 2014 04:31

Skrewtape: Sep 10, 2003; I like pie

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

The magic will not allow a Confessor to cut her own hair. If we try, it brings pain so great, it prevents us from doing so."

I would have loved to be in the room when they were designing this whole Confessor system.

"So if they have a male child, it might turn into a world-destroying evil. Anything we can do about that?"

"Nope, they're just going to have kill their own baby if that happens."

"Sounds good. Now, is there any way we could let them have sex with someone without confessing them?"

"Nope, they'll just have to destroy the ego of anyone they love."

"OK, that's fine. Now, what if they want to cut their own hair short?"

"We definitely have to figure out a way to prevent that. Let's cause them a lot of pain if they try."

"Sounds good to me."

# ? Nov 23, 2014 08:17

DAD LOST MY IPOD: Feb 3, 2012; Fats Dominar is on the case

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen.

What?

Why the gently caress not?

# ? Nov 23, 2014 08:17

That Old Tree: Jun 24, 2012; nah

Skrewtape posted:

I would have loved to be in the room when they were designing this whole Confessor system.

"So if they have a male child, it might turn into a world-destroying evil. Anything we can do about that?"

"Nope, they're just going to have kill their own baby if that happens."

"Sounds good. Now, is there any way we could let them have sex with someone without confessing them?"

"Nope, they'll just have to destroy the ego of anyone they love."

"OK, that's fine. Now, what if they want to cut their own hair short?"

"We definitely have to figure out a way to prevent that. Let's cause them a lot of pain if they try."

"Sounds good to me."

Yeah. The weird arbitrariness of this stuff is driven home by how a lot of magic isn't subject to such curses. It makes it seem less like arcane trade-offs to build wonders, and more like just wizards being assholes sometimes.

# ? Nov 23, 2014 08:21

Zereth: Jul 9, 2003

Is the hair-cutting thing intentional, or is it just a side effect nobody in the Wizard Cool Club felt like fixing?

# ? Nov 23, 2014 08:24

MonsieurChoc: Oct 12, 2013; Every species can smell its own extinction.

Wizards being assholes is a time honored tradition going back throughout history.

E: Maybe they meant to fix it in a later patch but then they ran out of money and were put on a different project before they could get around to it.

# ? Nov 23, 2014 08:25

Caros: May 14, 2008

MonsieurChoc posted:

Wizards being assholes is a time honored tradition going back throughout history.

E: Maybe they meant to fix it in a later patch but then they ran out of money and were put on a different project before they could get around to it.

I was going to make a programing analogy exactly like this. You can practically see the comments too.

Unintentional bug: confessor unable to cut own hair. Repeatable. Something to do with power conduits in hair? Eh, it's back burner anyways until we figure out the evil men bug.

# ? Nov 23, 2014 08:33

Elfface: Nov 14, 2010; Da-na-na-na-na-na-na
IRON JONAH

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

I really enjoy these early Rachel segments, because while she's still a child, she's just clever enough that watching the world from her perspective, and seeing the conclusions she draws from it, is distinct from drat near anyone else in the novels. And sometimes it's hilarious.

My god... it's almost as though people in possession of different information and upbringings can come to a conclusion other than A = A!

(I will say I reckon Rachel has come to the correct conclusion, i.e. 'These people are awful, I have to get the hell away from them' but Richard and Kahlahn assume Giller is a jerk, because Zedd said so.)

It's almost as though an underling has witnessed and been directly subjected to abuse by people in positions of power over them, and are reluctant to simply take others at their word when they say 'We won't do this stuff', especially when they talk about their other horrible plans in the same sentence.

Even in a book that tries to show us why objectivism is correct, it underlines it's inherent flaws.

# ? Nov 23, 2014 08:43

That Old Tree: Jun 24, 2012; nah

Zereth posted:

Is the hair-cutting thing intentional, or is it just a side effect nobody in the Wizard Cool Club felt like fixing?

I think it's left unaddressed, like so many other things. Sometimes magic is just awesome, and sometimes you have to eat dung to make it work. The fact that both kinds exist suggests that sometimes wizards just gently caress around.

# ? Nov 23, 2014 09:52

TheCenturion: May 3, 2013; HI I LIKE TO GIVE ADVICE ON RELATIONSHIPS

Plague of Hats posted:

I think her "cooldown" time is still given as, like, hours. Which I can believe Goodkind would think is not enough time for a really manly man to finish the job. Because the manliest thing one can do with sex is turn it into an overlong chore.

(EDIT: Here we go. A place for all your hilarious Sword of Truth needs!)

They're only supposed to hump mindslaves so they can compel them to execute male babies.

# ? Nov 23, 2014 13:08

TheCenturion: May 3, 2013; HI I LIKE TO GIVE ADVICE ON RELATIONSHIPS

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

Since from memory we will never see his half of the scene and just have it described by Rahl: know that Giller went out like a goddamn boss. He went all Goku and threw his lifeforce into a final deathblow of "Wizard's Life Fire". It's probably not ruining it to say it didn't work, but still, at least he went whole-assed into that attempt.

This part is baller. At this point, Giller is carrying on a dollepathic convo with Rachel while being actively tortured by Rahl. But he takes the time to comfort a little girl.

Then, as you say, he self destructs in an attempt to kill Rahl, but really just to cover her escape.

He's pretty much the only "traditional" hero in the whole story. But I still like to think he gave an awesome one liner and flipped Rahl off at the end. "Hey, Rahl. Time to blow this Popsicle stand."

# ? Nov 23, 2014 13:16

That Old Tree: Jun 24, 2012; nah

TheCenturion posted:

They're only supposed to hump mindslaves so they can compel them to execute male babies.

Sure, that's part of it. Still, the vast majority of thought the characters give it falters at the most easily solved part of the problem. Considering how magnetically attracted their genitals are, this hurdle should've been cleared long ago.

Edit: I mean, the primary reason they don't solve this very quickly, like most of their problems, is because the author doesn't want them to do it yet. The secondmost is because, as has been discussed, these idiots withhold vital information from each other constantly.

That Old Tree fucked around with this message at 13:32 on Nov 23, 2014

# ? Nov 23, 2014 13:28

potatocubed: Jul 26, 2012; *rathian noises*

TheCenturion posted:

He's pretty much the only "traditional" hero in the whole story. But I still like to think he gave an awesome one liner and flipped Rahl off at the end. "Hey, Rahl. Time to blow this Popsicle stand."

"I hear you're a vegan. Let me introduce you to the taste... of barbecue!" *fwoosh*

# ? Nov 23, 2014 13:35

Hodgepodge: Jan 29, 2006; Can't post for 200 days!

Goodkind is even pretty bad at objectivism. He constantly makes it clear that power used correctly is used for the sake of others. Ayn Rand wouldn't even give him the time of day until he removed that altruistic pap and made Darken Rahl the hero of the series.

He's more like a teenager who is pissed off at the hypocrisy of the establishment and blames THOSE SHEEPLE for the system they are stuck surviving in.

I know that's a pretty fine distinction, but it's important to note that Goodkind cannot even get the hamfisted psuedophilosophy he actually believes in right.

Rand would love the rape bits and would probably have Richard overcome the Confessor problem by having him rape Kahlan, who would then realize that Confessors just need to be taken by a Real Man, who only loves, respects, or admires his own reflected ubermenschood in others.

Hodgepodge fucked around with this message at 18:10 on Nov 23, 2014

# ? Nov 23, 2014 18:07

Yaldabaoth: Oct 9, 2012; by Azathoth

Hodgepodge posted:

Goodkind is even pretty bad at objectivism. He constantly makes it clear that power used correctly is used for the sake of others. Ayn Rand wouldn't even give him the time of day until he removed that altruistic pap and made Darken Rahl the hero of the series.

This is why Robert Howard's Conan is the "best" Randian fantasy series, it doesn't try to hide the fact that it's about a Randian ubermensch who only cares about his own survival and personal gain instead of trying to dress it up as a heroic conflict of "Good" vs "Evil"

# ? Nov 23, 2014 19:46

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

Hodgepodge posted:

Rand would love the rape bits and would probably have Richard overcome the Confessor problem by having him rape Kahlan, who would then realize that Confessors just need to be taken by a Real Man, who only loves, respects, or admires his own reflected ubermenschood in others.

hahahahaha

hahahahahahahaha

I AM SAVING THIS POST FOR LATER

# ? Nov 23, 2014 20:16

PeterWeller: Apr 21, 2003; I told you that story so I could tell you this one.

Yaldabaoth posted:

This is why Robert Howard's Conan is the "best" Randian fantasy series, it doesn't try to hide the fact that it's about a Randian ubermensch who only cares about his own survival and personal gain instead of trying to dress it up as a heroic conflict of "Good" vs "Evil"

Nah, you basically misunderstand both Conan and Objectivism. Personal gain is big G Good in Objectivism. That's the whole point of the pseudophilosophy--to morally justify greed. Conan, especially Howard's version is interested in much more than just survival and personal gain. He is a "noble savage" who sees through "civilized" man's hypocrisy. Conan in Rand's world would slaughter the residents of Galt's Gulch, take the machine, and then give it away because the only unlimited source of energy a real man needs is his own strong arms.

# ? Nov 23, 2014 20:32

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

Our heroes wander for a day or so and then this happens. Please note: this is just as completely out of nowhere in the text as this transcription, I just saved you ten pages of moping.

quote:

The moon was well up by the time Kahlan had a stew cooking on the fire, and by a bit of luck that surprised him, Richard had two rabbits in the snare before he expected to, and was able to add them to the pot.

"I think we have enough to feed Zedd," she said.

As if bidden by her words, the old man, white hair in disarray, strode into the circle of light, stopping on the other side of the fire, hands on his hips, his robes looking a little tattered.

"I'm starved!" he announced. "Let's eat."

Richard and Kahlan both blinked, wide-eyed, and came to their feet.

Richard, in what's an incredibly sane move, tests him to make sure he's actually Zedd (after two illusions and counting). His test is mildly weak given that it's "does he break spiderwebs", but it seems to work. If that wasn't proof that it was the real Zedd, though, there's the fact that he continues to own.

quote:

Richard walked him back to the fire, an arm around his shoulders. "Sorry about that, but I had to know for sure. I can't believe you're here! I'm so glad to see you! I'm so happy you're all right. We have so much to talk about."

"Yes, yes. Can we eat now?"

Kahlan came and gave him a hug, too. "We were so worried about you."

Zedd longingly eyed the cooking pot over her shoulder as he hugged her back. "Yes, yes. But this would all go better on a full stomach."

"But it isn't done yet," she smiled.

Zedd gave her a look of disappointment. "Not done? Are you sure? Perhaps we could check."

"Quite sure. We've only just started it."

"Not done," he said to himself, holding an elbow with one hand, rubbing his chin with the other. "Well, we'll just see about that. Stand back, the both of you."

The wizard pushed the sleeves of his robes up his arms while he eyed the fire as if it were a child who had misbehaved. His skinny arms stretched out, fingers extended. Blue light sizzled around his bony hands, seeming to gather momentum. With a hiss, it shot out in a jagged blue streak, striking the cooking pot, making it jump. The blue fire cradled the pot, twisting around it, caressing it, stroking it. The stew bubbled with blue light, churned and sloshed. The wizard pulled his hands back and the blue fire sizzled out.

Zedd smiled in satisfaction. "There, now it's done. Let's eat!"

Kahlan kneeled, tasting the stew with a wooden spoon. "He's right. It is done."

"Well, don't just stand there staring, my boy. Get some plates!"

Also the wizards all have a magic sky castle. Well. HAD.

quote:

"Where was it?" Kahlan asked. "What happened?"

"It was in my Keep. The Wizard's Keep. In Aydindril."

"You went to Aydindril?" Kahlan asked, her voice anxious. "How is Aydindril? Is it safe?"

Zedd averted his eyes. "Aydindril has fallen."

Kahlan's hand went to her mouth; tears filled her eyes. "No."

[...]

Richard thought he should cover his own shock by saying something. "What's this Wizard's Keep?"

"It's a refuge, a place where the wizards preserve important things of magic, such as the books of prophecies, and books of even more importance�books of magic and instruction, such as the Book of Counted Shadows. Some of the books are used to teach new wizards, some are used as reference, and some are used as weapons. Other items of magic are kept there also, such as the Sword of Truth, between Seekers. The Keep is sealed by magic; none can enter but a wizard. At least none but a wizard was supposed to be able to enter. But someone did. How they did without being killed is beyond me. It must have been Darken Rahl. He must have the book."

"Maybe it wasn't Darken Rahl," Richard managed, his back straight as a board.

Zedd's eyes narrowed. "If it wasn't Darken Rahl, then it was a thief. A very clever thief, but a thief nonetheless."

Richard swallowed back the dryness in his mouth.

So.

Let's get into something that's supposed to be massive and life-changing and really explains a lot about this world.

quote:

"It was Rahl's own men who did it, by his command."

"That does not make any sense," Kahlan said. "The town was loyal to D'Hara. There were forces of the People's Peace Army there, and they were killed to a man."

"That's the very reason he did it."

They both gave him puzzled looks. "That doesn't make any sense," Kahlan said.

"Wizard's First Rule."

Richard frowned. "What?"

"Wizard's First Rule: people are stupid." Richard and Kahlan frowned even more. "People are stupid; given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything. Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie because they want to believe it's true, or because they are afraid it might be true. People's heads are full of knowledge, facts, and beliefs, and most of it is false, yet they think it all true. People are stupid; they can only rarely tell the difference between a lie and the truth, and yet they are confident they can, and so are all the easier to fool.

"Because of the Wizard's First Rule, the old wizards created Confessors, and Seekers, as a means of helping find the truth, when the truth is important enough. Rahl knows the Wizard's Rules. He is using the first one. People need an enemy to feel a sense of purpose. It's easy to lead people when they have a sense of purpose. Sense of purpose is more important by far than the truth. In fact, truth has no bearing in this. Darken Rahl is providing them with an enemy, other than himself, a sense of purpose. People are stupid; they want to believe, so they do."

"But they were his own people," Kahlan protested. "He was killing his supporters."

"You will notice not all the people were killed; some were raped, tortured, but left alive to flee, to spread the news. You will also note how none of the soldiers were left alive to dispute the story. That it isn't the truth doesn't matter, and the ones hearing the story will believe it because it provides them with a sense of purpose, an enemy to rally against. The survivors will spread the word like a wildfire. Even though Rahl has destroyed a few towns that were loyal to him, and a few of his soldiers, he has gained many more towns to his side, a hundredfold over. Even more people will rally around him and support him because he has told them he wants to protect them from this enemy. Truth is hard to sell; it gives no sense of purpose. It is simply truth."

Richard sat back, a little stunned. "But it isn't true. How can Rahl get away with it? How could everyone believe it?"

Zedd gave him a stern look. "You knew better, you knew it wasn't Westlanders, yet even you doubted your knowledge. You were afraid it was true. Being afraid something is true is accepting the possibility. Accepting the possibility is the first step to believing. At least you are smart enough to question. Think of how easy it is to believe, for people who don't question, who don't even know how to question. For most people, it's not the truth that is important, it's the cause. Rahl is intelligent; he has given them a cause." His eyes glinted with purpose. "It is the Wizard's First Rule because it is the most important. Remember it."

[...]

"Wizard's First Rule." Richard felt a trickle of sweat run down his back. "I'll remember."

"And don't repeat it to anyone," the wizard admonished. "Wizard's Rules are for none but a wizard to know. The Wizard's Rules may seem cynical or trivial to you, but they are powerful weapons if you know how to use them, because they are true. Truth is power. I have told you two because I'm the head of the wizards, and I think it important for you to understand. You must know what Rahl is doing, since it is the three of us who must stop him."

The fact that "people are dumb" is a golden truth known only by wizards in this world really says it all, doesn't it? Also that "truth is power", because recall that a central tenet of objectivism is that "objectivism is truth, therefore those who reject it are weak or ignorant". So Truth Is Power = "objectivists are the strongest".

Fun fact: my copy of this book was not a first printing, but it was early enough that it refers to the upcoming "Wizard's Second Rule (coming soon)" inside. Some of you are already aware this is not what the second book became known as, but hey! At one point he was trying to make this entire series nothing but Lessons On How To Be A Wizard.

Let's see an example of "people are stupid/unquestioning" ten seconds later.

quote:

"But the ones who did the killing, they knew. It was murder. How could they do it?"

Zedd shrugged. "Sense of purpose. They did it for the cause."

"But that goes against nature. Murder goes against nature."

The wizard smiled. "Murder is the way of nature, of all living things."

Richard knew Zedd was sucking him in�it was his way to draw you in with an outrageous statement�but his blood was up and he couldn't help protesting. "Only some of nature. Like predators. And that's only to survive. Look about at these trees, they can't even think of murder."

"Murder is the way of all things, the way of nature," Zedd repeated. "Every living thing is a murderer."

Richard looked to Kahlan for support. "Don't look at me," she said. "I learned a long time ago not to debate with wizards."

So Kahlan, surrounded by wizards her entire life, has both a) never heard the Wizard's First Rule before, and b) just goes "FINE, gently caress IT" whenever they start talking.

I'm beginning to see how it is that nobody in this world figured out the myriad flaws in their existence before now.

# ? Nov 23, 2014 20:36

Elfface: Nov 14, 2010; Da-na-na-na-na-na-na
IRON JONAH

I couldn't help but feel at this point that Zedd was just making poo poo up as he went along.

"So, um... this is why these ancient wizards did these really messed up things. Can't trust people to think clearly. Too easily taken in by misinformation. Can't get the truth without making a few mindslaves, and a sword that turns you into an angry murderbeast, and a deformed murderbeast if you lose it."

# ? Nov 23, 2014 21:01

Kwyndig: Sep 23, 2006; Heeeeeey

The whole trees are murderers speech was the dumbest thing I had ever read until I got further into the book. What Goodkind and by extension Zedd don't seem to understand is that murder is an action with intent behind it. Trees can't have intent (outside of The Happening and other schlock films) so they can't murder. They can kill, but so can an avalanche or a forest fire or a supernova, but you never see the headline 'Rockslide Murders Twenty' unless they're talking about some guy named Rockslide.

# ? Nov 23, 2014 21:03

alarumklok: Jun 30, 2012

It wouldn't surprise me if intent was unfathomable to Goodkind. Murder is killing, tree kills, therefore tree murders. A=A, motherfucker - nature is murder I'm a wizard let's eat I'm hungry.

# ? Nov 23, 2014 21:13

malkav11: Aug 7, 2009

Note that Zedd is telling Richard things that only wizards are supposed to know. Oh, sure, he makes an excuse, but...that's not why.

# ? Nov 23, 2014 21:14

Nihilarian: Oct 2, 2013

malkav11 posted:

Note that Zedd is telling Richard things that only wizards are supposed to know. Oh, sure, he makes an excuse, but...that's not why.

he's also telling Kahlan, though.

# ? Nov 23, 2014 22:22

Libluini: May 18, 2012; I gravitated towards the Greens, eventually even joining the party itself.

The Linke is a party I grudgingly accept exists, but I've learned enough about DDR-history I can't bring myself to trust a party that was once the SED, a party leading the corrupt state apparatus ...; Grimey Drawer

Nihilarian posted:

he's also telling Kahlan, though.

She's a magical creature, like a dragon or a magical dog. She obviously doesn't count in Zedd's eyes.

# ? Nov 23, 2014 22:35

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

Thanks to Wizard Paranoia, Richard does the right thing. By accident.

quote:

Richard remembered Zedd telling him that he must have the courage to do what was necessary for their goal, and he must be prepared to kill any one of them if it came to that. Richard knew Zedd, and he knew that Zedd wasn't just making a point�he meant what he said. He knew that Zedd was capable of killing him, or, more important, Kahlan.

He took the tooth from his shirt, pulling the leather cord over his head. He held the triangular-shaped tooth in his hand, feeling the weight of it, looking at it in the moonlight, and thought about his father. The tooth was the only way for Richard to prove to Zedd that his father wasn't a thief, that he had taken the book to keep it from Darken Rahl. Richard wanted so badly to tell Zedd, to tell him that his father had been a hero, had given his life to stop Rahl and died a hero to protect them all. He wanted his father to be remembered for what he had done. He wanted to tell Zedd.

But he couldn't.

The wizard wanted the Book of Counted Shadows destroyed. Richard was the Book of Counted Shadows now. Shota had warned him that Zedd would use the wizard's fire against him, but that he had a chance to beat him. Perhaps this was the way. To destroy the book, Zedd would have to kill him. Richard didn't care about himself, he had nothing to live for; he no longer cared if he died.

But he did care if Kahlan died. If Zedd knew that Richard had the book inside him, he would make him tell what it said, and then he would know that to make sure the book was true, Rahl would have to use a Confessor. And there was only one Confessor left alive. Kahlan. If Zedd knew, he would kill her to prevent Rahl from getting the knowledge.

Richard couldn't allow the chance of Zedd knowing, of killing Kahlan.

He wrapped the cord around the piece of driftwood and jammed the tooth into a long crack, wedging it into the wood so it wouldn't come out. Richard wanted the tooth as far away from him as he could get it.

"Forgive me, Father," he whispered.

Hard as he could, he threw the wood with the tooth attached. He watched it arc through the air, and splash into the dark water with a distant sound. In the moonlight, he could see it bob to the surface. He stood with a lump in his throat as he watched it being carried downriver. Richard felt naked without the tooth.

When it was no longer in sight, he circled the camp, his mind in a daze. He felt empty. Richard sat on the rock outcropping where he had told them he would be, and watched their camp below.

I like how he assumes that if he knew the book was Richard now, he'd kill Kahlan, which is a much weaker solution than killing Richard.

Anyway, Zedd takes second watch, meaning the two briefly talk before Richard goes to bed. Richard is still a little pissed about the whole "hey, so, Samuel the Gollum, what the gently caress?!" thing.

quote:

"I don't want to go on. And what of Samuel? Is that what is to become of me?"

Zedd shook his head. "I'm sorry, Richard. I don't know. I gave you the sword against my own heart, because I had to, for everyone else. The magic of the Sword of Truth does that to a Seeker, in the end. The prophecies say that the one who truly masters the sword's magic, and in so doing makes the blade turn white, will be protected from that fate. But I don't know how it's to be done. I don't even know what it means. I didn't have the courage to tell you. I'm sorry. If you want, you may strike me dead for what I've done to you. Only, promise me first that you will go on and stop Darken Rahl."

Richard laughed bitterly through the tears. "Strike you dead. That's a joke. You're all I have, all I'm allowed to love. How could I kill that? It's myself I should kill."

"Don't say such a thing," Zedd whispered. "Richard, I know how you feel about the magic. I walked away from it too. Sometimes events happen that you have to deal with. You are all I have left. I went after the book because I didn't want you to be in danger. I would do anything to spare you hurt. But I cannot spare you this. We must stop Darken Rahl, not just for ourselves, but for all the others who have no chance."

Richard scrubbed his eyes. "I know. I won't quit until it's finished. I promise. Then maybe I can give up the sword, before it's too late for me."

"Go and get some sleep. Each day will get a little better for you. If it's any consolation, although I don't know why Seekers end up like Samuel, I truly don't believe it will happen to you. But if it does, it won't happen for some time, and therefore, that can only mean you have defeated Darken Rahl, and all the people of the lands will be safe. Know that if it happens I will always take care of you. If we can stop Rahl, maybe I can help you find the secret to turning the blade white."

hahahahahaha the best part is that if he were to kill Zedd, it would probably work the same way, too. You'll see what I mean later, first-timers.

The rest of the chapter is Kahlan and Zedd talking, and talking about prophecies and those being self-fulfilling... but a witch-woman's prophecies are always correct. Just. You know. Twisty and all. So blah blah the Wizard's Keep had a bunch of prophecies and Richard and Kahlan are in a few of them, because who the hell else would "the last Mother Confessor" and some Seeker be?

quote:

"Well, yes and no. That's not how it works. You seldom know for sure. But in this case, I do. It says things like, 'The last Mother Confessor' this, and 'The last Mother Confessor' that, but there can be no doubt who the last Mother Confessor is. It is you, Kahlan. There can also be no doubt who 'the Seeker who commands the wind against the heir to D'Hara' is. It is Richard. Heir to D'Hara is Rahl."

"Commands the wind! What does that mean?"

"I haven't the slightest idea."

I love Zedd.

Meanwhile, he explains some of why he picked Richard as a Seeker, and it's... I have to admit, this is mildly clever and one of those conversations only this character would have. In fact, I'm just going to say it: I think a huge part of why I like Zedd so much is that even though he's one of the driving characters of the series, he's always distinct in a way most of the other cast aren't.

quote:

Zedd gave a little laugh. "Have you ever been able to feel the target? Have you ever been able to ignore all the noise in your head and hear the silence, and know where the arrow is going to go?"

She nodded with her chin still resting on her fingers. "Only a couple of times. But I know what you're talking about."

"Well, Richard can feel the target like that almost at will. Sometimes I think he could even hit it if he closed his eyes. When I have asked him how he does it, he shrugs and can't explain. He simply says he can feel where the arrow is to go. He can do it all day long. But if I start telling him things, like how fast the wind is, how many feet away the target is, or that the bow was outside the night before and it was a humid night, affecting the draw, well, then he can't even hit the ground. The thinking interferes with the feeling.

"He does the same thing with people. He's relentless in the search for an answer. He has been heading for the box like an arrow. He has never been to the Midlands before, yet he found a way through the boundary, and has found the answers he needed to keep going, to seek out the target. That is the way of a true Seeker. The problem is, if I give him too much information, he starts doing what he thinks I want him to do, instead of what he feels. I have to point him in the right direction, toward the target, and then let him go. Let him find it himself."

It's a good point: Richard is going the direct route because he doesn't know poo poo-all about the Midlands, and neither Kahlan or Zedd are filling him in on things until AFTER he makes a decision (see: "What? Oh gently caress no we're not visiting Shota, that is THE WORST IDEA" "Shut up and guide me").

Anyway, uh. The initiation to being a wizard is not very high, which explains why a lot of apparent assholes were able to do it years ago:

quote:

Zedd straightened his back and put his fists on his hips. "Bags! Richard, do you have any idea what you have just done?"

"Magic," Richard smiled. "A trick, if done properly, is magic." He shrugged. "Or so I've been told."

Zedd nodded slowly. "Indeed." He pointed a thin finger skyward, the sparkle returning to his intense hazel eyes. "You have tricked a wizard with his own rule. Not one of my wizards was ever able to do that." He stepped closer, a grin spreading on his face. "Bags, Richard! You have it! You have the gift, my boy! You can be a wizard of the First Order, like me."

Richard frowned. "I don't want to be a wizard."

Zedd ignored his words. "You have passed the first test."

"You just said none of the other wizards was able to do it, so how could they be wizards if they couldn't pass the test?"

Zedd gave him a one-sided smile. "They were wizards of the Third Order. One, Giller, is of the Second Order. None were able to pass the tests to be a wizard of the First Order. They didn't have the gift. Only the calling."

Richard made a smirk. "It was just a trick. Don't make something out of it that it wasn't."

"A very special trick." Zedd's eyes narrowed again. "I'm impressed. I'm also very proud of you."

"And how many of these tests are there, if this is the first?"

Zedd shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe a few hundred or so. But you have the gift, Richard." A shadow of worry passed across his eyes, as if he hadn't expected it. "You must learn to control it, or�" His eyes lit up again. "I will teach you. You really could be a wizard of the First Order."

Richard realized he was starting to listen too closely, and shook his head to clear it. "I told you, I don't want to be a wizard." He added under his breath, "I don't want anything to do with magic ever again when this is over." He realized that Kahlan was staring at him. He looked from one wide-eyed face to another. "It was just a stupid little trick. Nothing more."

"Just a stupid little trick if done on someone else. No small trick, if done on a wizard."

Richard rolled his eyes. "The both of you are�"

Zedd leaned forward eagerly, cutting him off. "Can you command the wind?"

Richard leaned back a little. "Of course I can," he said, playing along. He held both hands up to the sky. "Come to me, brother wind! Gather about! Blow a gale for me!" He spread his arms dramatically.

Kahlan wrapped her cloak around herself expectantly. Zedd looked about. Nothing happened. The two of them seemed a little disappointed.

"What's the matter with the two of you?" Richard scowled. "Did you eat some bad berries?"

Zedd turned to her. "He must learn that later."

Also, let's get to a direct lie! And the question we've all been wondering.

quote:

Richard squirmed uncomfortably. "And just what kind of wizard are you anyway? You don't even have a beard."

Zedd came out of his own thoughts and frowned. "What?"

"A beard. Where's your beard? I've been wondering about it ever since I found out you were a wizard. Wizards are supposed to have beards, you know."

"Who told you this?"

"Well� I don't know. Everybody knows it. Wizards are supposed to have beards. It's common knowledge. I'm surprised you don't know it."

Zedd made a face as if he had just sucked on a lemon. "But I hate beards. They itch."

Richard shrugged. "Seems you don't know as much as you think you do about being a wizard, if you don't even know wizards are supposed to have beards."

Zedd folded his arms. "A beard is it?" He unfolded his arms, and began drawing his fingers and thumb down opposite sides of his chin. As he drew his fingers repeatedly, whiskers began appearing. The more he did this, the longer the whiskers grew. Richard watched, wide-eyed, until a snow white beard reached to the middle of Zedd's chest.

Zedd cocked his head and gave Richard an intent look. "Will this do, my boy?"

Richard realized his mouth was open. He made it shut, but could only nod.

Zedd scratched his chin and neck. "Good. Now give me your knife, so I can shave this thing off. It itches like ants."

"My knife? What do you need my knife for? Why don't you just make it disappear like you made it appear?"

Kahlan gave a little laugh, then made her face straight when he glanced at her.

"It doesn't work that way. Everyone knows it doesn't work that way," Zedd mocked. He turned to Kahlan. "Doesn't everyone know? You tell him."

"Magic can only do things that use what is there. It cannot undo things that have happened."

"I don't understand."

Zedd peered at him intently. "Your first lesson, should you ever decide to become a wizard. The three of us all have magic. It is all Additive Magic. Additive Magic uses what is there, and adds to it, or uses it somehow. The magic Kahlan has uses the spark of love in a person, no matter how small, and adds to it until it's changed into something else. The magic of the Sword of Truth uses your anger, and adds to it, takes power from it, until it becomes something else.

"I do the same thing. I can use whatever I need in nature to change things. I can change a bug to a flower, I can change a fear to a monster, I can make a broken bone knit, I can take heat from the air around us and add to it, multiply it, into wizard's fire. I can make my beard grow. But, I can't make it ungrow." A rock big as his fist started rising into the air. "I can lift something. I can change it." The rock crushed to dust.

"Then, you can do anything," Richard whispered.

"No. I can lift or crush or move the rock, but I can't make it vanish. Where would it go? That's called Subtractive Magic: the undoing of things. My magic, Kahlan's magic, the sword's magic, is from this world. All magic from this world is Additive Magic. Darken Rahl can do any of it I can." Zedd's expression turned dark. "Subtractive Magic is from the underworld. Darken Rahl knows how to use that too. I don't."

"Is it as powerful as Additive Magic?"

"Subtractive Magic is the counter to Additive. As night is to day. Yet it is all part of the same thing. The Magic of Orden is the magic of both. Additive and Subtractive. It can add to the world, and it can take the world to nothing. To open the boxes, you must be a master of both magics. People never worried about it ever happening, because no one was ever able to tap Subtractive Magic. But Darken Rahl commands it as easily as I command the Additive."

HUGE LIE. Or a retcon. I don't know which. But this is a rule that goes out the loving window within one book's time.

Also Zedd hosed Adie so hard her foot regrew.

No, really.

quote:

"A wife?"

"Sure. I think that's what you need. Maybe you should go back and take another look at Adie."

"Adie?"

"Yes, Adie," Richard scolded. "You remember Adie. The woman with one foot."

"Oh, I remember Adie quite well." He gave Richard his most innocent look. "But Adie has two good feet, not one."

Richard and Kahlan both came to their feet in a rush. "What?"

"Yes," Zedd smiled, turning away. "Seems it grew back." He bent, pulling an apple from Richard's pack. "Quite unexpectedly."

I'm not going to quote it, but this chapter ends with Rachel pissing herself at a gar attack. Man, I wish I didn't have to read that.

# ? Nov 24, 2014 10:16

Zereth: Jul 9, 2003

Why can't Zedd change his beard into one which is not connected to his body anymore? He can turn a loving bug into a flower, and he can turn a rock into dust.

But he can't magic his beard off his face! :pseudo:

# ? Nov 24, 2014 10:33

Bucnasti: Aug 14, 2012; I'll Fetch My Sarcasm Robes

Zereth posted:

Why can't Zedd change his beard into one which is not connected to his body anymore? He can turn a loving bug into a flower, and he can turn a rock into dust.

But he can't magic his beard off his face!

Or why did he need Richard's knife, couldn't he just magic the rock into an razor?

Or for that matter, couldn't he just magic his beard into knives and then just leave them laying around.

# ? Nov 24, 2014 10:38

AVeryLargeRadish: Aug 19, 2011; I LITERALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO NOT BE A WEIRD SEXUAL CREEP ABOUT PREPUBESCENT ANIME GIRLS, READ ALL ABOUT IT HERE!!!

Bucnasti posted:

Or for that matter, couldn't he just magic his beard into knives and then just leave them laying around.

Come on now, that would just be irresponsible!

# ? Nov 24, 2014 11:06

JackMann: Aug 11, 2010; Secure. Contain. Protect.; Fallen Rib

Shotguns, man. Shotguns everywhere.

# ? Nov 24, 2014 11:32

Zereth: Jul 9, 2003

I feel like this is going to be an appropriate response to nearly anything done by a wizard ever in this series.

# ? Nov 24, 2014 11:37

Perestroika: Apr 8, 2010

Alright, so am I getting this right? Darkface Rahl needs a confessor and that book (which is now Richard) to do his thing with the boxes. Richard realises that if he told Zedd and Zedd killed him, it would probably be best for all involved. Better still, Richard doesn't even care whether he lives or dies, and would seem to pretty much welcome death. He only doesn't tell Zedd because he worries that Zedd will then for whatever reason kill Kahlan instead.

�ou'd think that Richard could just handily solve everything by just killing himself. Or going into the woods to wrestle a gar or something. Especially since not too long ago he pretty much outright told Kahlan to do the same thing for the same reasons, because she had the audacity to be conflicted/depressed about her central role in the whole thing.

# ? Nov 24, 2014 11:41

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

Perestroika posted:

Alright, so am I getting this right? Darkface Rahl needs a confessor and that book (which is now Richard) to do his thing with the boxes. Richard realises that if he told Zedd and Zedd killed him, it would probably be best for all involved. Better still, Richard doesn't even care whether he lives or dies, and would seem to pretty much welcome death. He only doesn't tell Zedd because he worries that Zedd will then for whatever reason kill Kahlan instead.

�ou'd think that Richard could just handily solve everything by just killing himself. Or going into the woods to wrestle a gar or something. Especially since not too long ago he pretty much outright told Kahlan to do the same thing for the same reasons, because she had the audacity to be conflicted/depressed about her central role in the whole thing.

Yes. You have it 100% right. A Confessor is required to use the prophecies, but the book exists only in one man's head. Clearly, the easy solution is to exterminate all Confessors rather than END THE BOOK FOREVER. Richard's logic.

# ? Nov 24, 2014 11:47

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

The three of them plan to head into Tamarang using the cover of the Mother Confessor making a visit, with her "cloud reader" and the Seeker of Truth as envoys. They camp out for the night and then the beast that's been following them for ages comes in, before it gets clowned on by a wolf.

A talking wolf. I KNEW THAT WAS THIS SERIES.

quote:

Kahlan straightened herself and put her fists on her hips. "Brophy!" she called into the darkness. "Brophy! I know you're out there. Come here this instant!"

The wolf trotted into the torchlight with its head down and its tail between its legs. Its thick fur was a charcoal color from the tip of its nose to the tip of its tail. Fierce yellow eyes glowed from its dark head. The wolf dropped to its belly and crawled to Kahlan's feet. Once there, it rolled onto its back with paws in the air, and whined.

"Brophy!" she admonished. "Have you been following us?"

"Only to protect you, Mistress."

Richard's jaw dropped. He wondered how hard he had been hit on the head. "He can talk! I heard him! That wolf can talk!"

Zedd and Kahlan both looked up at his wide eyes. Zedd glanced at her. "I thought you said you told him."

Kahlan winced a little. "Well, I guess I didn't remember to tell him everything." She frowned at Zedd. "It's hard to remember everything he doesn't know. We have lived it our whole lives. You just forget he hasn't."

"Come on," Zedd grumbled. "Let's go back to the camp. All of us."

So yes. Talking animals. Apparently it's any animal, not just dogs, so I misremembered slightly, but eh. I WAS RIGHT.

quote:

"Do you wish to tell the story?"

The wolf sank back down. "No, Mistress."

"Brophy would have rather been touched by a Confessor's power than be thought a child killer. Not to mention what else was done to that little boy. He requested a Confessor. It's something done only rarely�most men choose the executioner� but it meant that much to him. I told you we have a wizard with us, when we take confessions. One reason is for protection, but there is another reason. In a case like this, where the person is unjustly accused, and found to be innocent, he is still left touched by our power, he cannot be returned to who he was. So, the wizard changes him to something else. The changing takes away some of the magic, of the Confessor, and gives him enough concern for himself to start over with a new life."

Richard was incredulous. "You were innocent? And yet you are to be left like this? For life?"

"Completely innocent," Brophy confirmed.

"Brophy." Kahlan spoke his name in a rising tone Richard was familiar with.

The wolf sank back down. "Of killing that boy." His cowering eyes looked up at Kahlan as she watched him. "That's all I meant. Innocent of killing that boy."

Richard frowned. "What does that mean?"

Kahlan looked over to him. "It means that when he gave his confession, he confessed to other things he was not accused of. You see, Brophy had been engaged in occupations of a dubious nature." She glanced down at the wolf. "At the gray edges of law."

"I was an honest businessman," the wolf protested.

Kahlan cast an eye toward Brophy while she spoke to Richard. "Brophy was a trader."

"My father was a trader," Richard said, his anger rising.

"I don't know what traders in Westland trade, but in the Midlands, some traders deal in things of magic."

Richard thought about the Book of Counted Shadows. "So what?"

Kahlan lifted an eyebrow to him. "Some of them happen to be alive at the time."

Brophy rose up on his front paws. "How am I to tell! You can't always tell. Sometimes, you think something is just an artifact, like a book, that a collector will pay handsomely for. Sometimes it's something more, a stone, a statue, or a staff, or perhaps a� Well, how am I to know if they are alive?"

That's kind of awesome, you have to admit. "Look, how the gently caress was I supposed to know that was a petrified person and not a magic statue?"

quote:

Kahlan gave the wolf a little smile. "Brophy had a reputation that, although not unearned, was larger than the truth." She looked up at Richard. "The business he was in was dangerous, and therefore very profitable. Brophy made enough money at it to support his 'hobby.' Almost no one knew about it until after I touched him, and he made his confession."

The wolf put his paws over his head. "Oh, Mistress, please! Must we?"

Richard frowned. "What was this 'hobby'?"

Kahlan's smile widened. "Brophy had a weakness. Children. As he traveled around in search of things to trade, he would stop at orphanages and see to it they had what they needed to take care of the children. All the gold he made ended up in different orphanages, so the children could be cared for, and not go hungry. He twisted the arms of the people running the orphanages, to swear them to secrecy. He didn't want anyone knowing. Of course, he didn't have to twist very hard."

Brophy's paws were still over his head, and his eyes squeezed tightly shut. "Mistress, please," he whined, "I have a reputation." He opened his eyes and rose up on his front paws. "And a well-earned one at that! I've broken my share of arms and noses! I've done some pretty despicable deeds!"

Kahlan lifted an eyebrow to him. "Yes, you have. Some were reason enough to get you thrown in prison for a time. But none were reason enough to chop off your head." She looked back up at Richard. "You see, since Brophy had been seen around orphanages, and because of his reputation, no one was too surprised when he was accused of the murder of a little boy."

"Demmin Nass," Brophy growled. "Accused by Demmin Nass." His lips curled back, showing his long teeth as he growled.

Reminder: Demmin Nass is Rahl's pedophile right hand, if you've forgotten. Spoilers: because this world is so lovely, Brophy will NOT kill Nass, and in fact, if I remember correctly, Nass actually kills him later. This might be cool by you, depending on how you feel about otherkin:

quote:

"I didn't want to take his confession." Kahlan picked up a stick and pushed at the dirt. "I knew he wouldn't have requested a Confessor unless he was innocent. I talked to the judge; he said that in view of the crime, he would not commute the sentence. It was death or a confession. Brophy insisted upon the confession." Richard could see the firelight reflecting in the wetness of her green eyes. "Afterward, I asked him to pick another creature he would choose to be, if he had a choice. He chose a wolf. Why a wolf, I don't know." She smiled a little. "I guess it fits his nature."

"Because wolves are honorable creatures." Richard smiled. "You haven't lived in the forest, you've lived among people. Wolves are very social creatures, have strong ties and relationships. They are fiercely protective of their young. The whole pack will fight to protect them. And all members of the pack care for the young."

"You understand," Brophy whispered, in awe.

"Really, Brophy?" she asked.

"Yes, Mistress. I have a good life, now." His tail swished back and forth. "I have a mate! She's a fine wolf. She smells divine, and her nips give me shivers, and she has the cutest little� well, never mind." He looked up at Kahlan. "She is the leader of our pack. With me at her side, of course. She is pleased with me. She says I'm the strongest wolf she has ever seen. We had a litter, this last spring. Six. They're fine pups, almost grown now. It's a fine life, hard, but fine. Thank you, Mistress, for releasing me."

Thanks, Terry. Therry.

The next day they march into Tamarang and it goes about as well as you'd expect. Everyone gets the gently caress out of the Mother Confessor's way and then Richard whips out his sword in an eight-year-old's face.

quote:

"My daughter, the Princess Violet. Violet, dear, this is the Mother Confessor."

Princess Violet scowled up at Kahlan. "Your hair is too long. Perhaps we should cut it for you."

Richard detected the slightest smile of satisfaction on the Queen's face. He decided it was time to elevate her level of worry.

The Sword of Truth came out, sending its distinctive ring around the huge room, the stone amplifying the sound. With the sword point an inch from Princess Violet's nose, he let the anger of it rage through him, to make his words more dramatic.

"Bow to the Mother Confessor," he hissed, "or die."

Zedd acted bored. Kahlan waited calmly. No one else had eyes as wide as the Princess as she stared at the sword point. She dropped to her knees and bowed her head. Standing back up, her eyes went to him, as if asking if the bow was all right.

"Be careful how you use that tongue," Richard sneered. "The next time I will separate it from you."

Blah blah Kahlan frees all the prisoners "in the name of truth" from the queen's dungeon, asks to see Giller. Zedd points out he died in the most spiteful way possible to give Rahl the finger, which is pretty metal.

quote:

The room was destroyed. Completely. The roof was gone, as if it had been blasted away, letting in the sunlight and sky. Only a few of the exposed beams remained. A rope hung from one of the beams.

Giller's naked body swung slightly as it hung, upside down, from the end of the rope, a meat hook driven through the bone of his ankle. Were it not for the open roof, the stench would have driven them from the room.

Zedd smiled in satisfaction. "This is more than simple wizard's fire. Giller gave his life energy to it. He gave his life into the fire. This was a Wizard's Life Fire."

"He died, making this wizard's fire?"

"Yes. And it tastes sweet. That means he gave his life to save another. If he had done it only for himself, for instance to spare himself the torture, it would taste bitter. Giller has done this for another."

Zedd went and stood in front of Giller's body, swishing the flies away, twisting his own head around, trying to turn it upside down for a look. With a finger, he pushed a knotted cord of gut out of the way, so he could see Giller's face. He straightened.

"He has left a message."

"A message?" Kahlan asked. "What message?"

"There is a smile on his face. A smile, frozen in death, meant to tell anyone who knows of such things that he did not give up what was wanted." Richard stepped closer as Zedd pointed to the opening cut across the abdomen. "See here, the way this cut goes? This is done by one who practices the magic called anthropomancy, the divining of answers by the inspection of living entrails. Darken Rahl makes his cut very similar to the way his father did."

Richard remembered his own father, and how Rahl had done this very thing to him.

"You are sure it was Darken Rahl?" Kahlan asked.

Zedd shrugged. "Who else? Darken Rahl is the only one who would have been unharmed by a Wizard's Life Fire. Besides, this cut is his signature. Look here. See the end of the opening? See the way it starts to turn?"

Kahlan turned her face away. "What of it?"

"That's the hook. At least it should be. It should turn back in a hooked cut. While incantations are spoken, the hook is cut, binding the questioned to the questioner. The hook forces them to give up the answer to the question asked. But see here? The hook is begun, but it is not finished." Zedd gave a sad grin. "That is when Giller gave his life to the fire. He waited until Rahl was almost done, then, at the last instant, denied him what he sought. Probably the name of who has the box. Without life in them, his entrails could tell Rahl nothing."

Tenderly, Zedd cupped a hand to the side of Giller's face. "You have done well, my student. Honor in the end."

Awwww. :3

Sadly, Giller's death means they are back at square one in terms of what the gently caress to do, and Richard is stumped. Thank god the answer literally rides up to them.

quote:

Richard touched the hilt of the sword for reassurance as he watched the four horses raising a cloud of dust that turned golden in the setting sun. Soon the sound of thundering hooves reached him. The lone rider bent over his mount, urging him on. Richard lifted the sword a little in its scabbard, checking that it was clear, then let it drop back. As the darkly clad rider approached, Richard realized he looked familiar.

"Chase!"

The boundary warden brought the horses to a skidding halt in front of them. He looked down as the dust drifted away. "You all look to be well."

"Chase, is it ever good to see you!" Richard grinned. "How did you find us?"

He looked insulted. "I'm a boundary warden." He thought that was explanation enough. "Find what you were after?"

"No," Richard admitted with a sigh. He saw little arms clutching at Chase's sides. A little face peeked around the black cloak. "Rachel? Is that you?"

Her face came farther out, a grin spreading on it. "Richard! I'm so happy to see you again. Isn't Chase wonderful? He fought a gar and saved me from being eaten."

Hey, remember when Zedd just walked up to them out of nowhere a few chapters back, and how that was never explained? Well, that happened again, and even more improbably.

Chase is adopting Rachel, if Chase trusts the crew, that's good enough for her, and so she pulls the box out. (This is a gross oversimplification, but basically a combo of Brophy, who she knew pre-wolf, the tale of Richard pulling a sword on Violet, and Chase going "Yeah, they cool" gets her to give up the box.) Even better! Michael Cypher has brought an army of a thousand men to hold the pass into the Midlands now that the boundary has fallen. They all go to take care of that and oops! Violet's court artist is a magic artist and cast a spell on Richard, because he couldn't on Zedd or Kahlan for ???. (They really don't explain why those two are immune, they just tell us so.)

In what is actually a really cool magic duel, James the magician tries to crush Richard in a second spell while Richard tries to alter the drawing to suddenly be missing one hand (ie, like James) and reverse it. This takes place in a dark cave where Richard is carefully drawing the Night Stone for seconds at a time to see vs. the risk of the shadow beings eating him alive. I will give it legit props.

But I'm not quoting it because this is long enough already, it's a long sequence, and it ends with something you need to see.

quote:

The artist's pleading eyes came up to him. "I... wasn't going to let it kill you� only trap you..."

"Who had you do this spell on me?"

James gave a wicked little smile. "The Mord-Sith," he whispered. "You are going to die..."

"What's a Mord-Sith?"

Oh yes.

Oh yes. For reference: we're nearly at page 700 of an ~800 page book, and this is what every loving person who reads this novel remembers the most clearly and tends to think was much longer than it was.

# ? Nov 24, 2014 11:48

neonchameleon: Nov 14, 2012

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

Oh yes. For reference: we're nearly at page 700 of an ~800 page book, and this is what every loving person who reads this novel remembers the most clearly and tends to think was much longer than it was.

This reminds me of my impressions when I actually read the thing myself. "That was pretty terrible. But there's a solid 200 page fantasy novel struggling to get out despite the author's best efforts." One centred round Zed, Giller, and Darken Rahl, with Richard being a minor sidekick and there to be the recipient of infodumps.

# ? Nov 24, 2014 12:07

AVeryLargeRadish: Aug 19, 2011; I LITERALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO NOT BE A WEIRD SEXUAL CREEP ABOUT PREPUBESCENT ANIME GIRLS, READ ALL ABOUT IT HERE!!!

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

The next day they march into Tamarang and it goes about as well as you'd expect. Everyone gets the gently caress out of the Mother Confessor's way and then Richard whips out his sword in an eight-year-old's face.

I love these little parts that make it clear that the villains and ~~villains~~heroes are just two sides of the same coin. As horrible as Violet is she's still a kid and just ugggghhhhh. :negative:

# ? Nov 24, 2014 12:11

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# ? Jun 10, 2024 04:11

Perestroika: Apr 8, 2010

AVeryLargeRadish posted:

I love these little parts that make it clear that the villains and ~~villains~~heroes are just two sides of the same coin. As horrible as Violet is she's still a kid and just ugggghhhhh.

That seems to feed back into the whole objectivist thing about people being either objectively good or evil. Oh, Violet's only a small child who was raised terribly and grew up in the most toxic environment possible? Doesn't matter, she's inherently and irredeemably evil, feel free to kick her in the head a bunch.

Also, "Mord-Sith"? How the hell is Goodkind coming up with these names?

# ? Nov 24, 2014 12:32

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Traditional Games > Let's Read the Sword of Truth books! (Or not. Can we not?)

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