|
Alan Smithee posted:was there ever an episode where everyone has to sing? cuz that sounds like something they'd do One of the audios was a musical, but the show itself hasn't done that.
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 11:10
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 9, 2024 16:33 |
|
|
IceAgeComing posted:nothing in this thread is anywhere near as ridiculous as Doctor Who and the Pirates, a Doctor Who pirate themed musical starring Colin Baker that someone thought would be a good idea to make and sell Doctor Who and the Pirates is actually really great, and only 1/4 is a musical, which is an effort made by the Doctor to lighten the mood of a really dark story so that some student doesn't kill herself. Most of the songs are pretty dire though, but I think that was on purpose??? It's way overlong though, like a lot of the audios.
|
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 11:46
|
|
|
And who can forget the Gunslingers? Which seriously had far less singing of that damned song than most people remember. It didn't even get annoying to the third episode anyways.
|
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 12:19
|
|
|
Oh OH, Another title for Applewhite: Law & Order : SVWho
|
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 14:42
|
|
|
southpaugh posted:Law & Order : SVWho In this crossover episode, the SVU crew are called in to investigate the case of a murdered cyclops. They believe the single eye to be some kind of deformity but when The Doctor shows up he reveals to them that the cyclops was an alien who had fled to earth because he was being abused by his gay partner. "He fled to Earth to escape domestic abuse. I could have warned him; your whole civilization is based around it." The two teams join forces to find out who murdered the cyclops and why. The SVU team is irritated by The Doctor's zany non-sequitur approach to crime solving, but eventually learn there's a method to his madness when it turns out the killer was not of this Earth! It was the work of an alien organ harvesting ring operating right out of the police station. The Doctor's job done, good, old-fashioned police work takes it from there and the killers are brought to justice.
|
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 15:47
|
|
|
Breetai posted:You got me there, buddy! Boy do I have blood on my anus. Doctor Who and Breetai's Bloody Anus
|
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 17:14
|
|
|
Dr. Elsewhere The episode is solely a shot of a snowglobe with a blue police box inside it and it is revealed that the audience was an autistic child the entire time
|
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 18:09
|
|
|
Doctor Woo
|
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 21:14
|
|
|
A Lake in the Desert The Doctor and some woman are in a desert. There's a bus with a robot in it. The robot is a ticket controller and a bit overzealous, even though the bus is out of order. He's also dangerous, so the Doctor and the woman run away. Then suddenly however, the woman gets glowy eyes like some cat people or something who live in the desert and it means she has to stay there now and it's very sad. Also there's a lake and some men with ugly monsterheads keep walking out and back into it again. I's vaguely menacing. To be continued...
|
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 23:06
|
|
|
Doctor Wu. The mysterious case of the twentythird Doctor that only runs for two episodes, wherein, everyone with a funny accent (all rada actors), are somehow controlled by the Autons, causing their speech to resemble the queens, fortunately, rescue appears in the shape of the cast of brookside, the autons are driven off by the bleakness and graphic description of cardboard from the point of view of a carrier pigeon, starring Tom "The best" Baker, inexplicably dressed as a shaolin monk. Produced by Lo-slung denim.
|
|
#
?
Nov 30, 2014 23:44
|
|
|
Who-Tang Clan Ain't Nuttin' Ta gently caress Wit The Doctor arrives in eighteenth century England. He meets a manic pixie girl who does not fit in with her times, She immediately falls in love with him, but it can never be (this is sad and is reinforced as such using music). It turns out the local aristocrats are actually vampires who are actually aliens and they are sucking the blood of the poor in vengeance for the cruelty they faced from peasants when they crash landed on earth centuries ago. The doctor thwarts their plan and rants at them for like half an hour about how great humans are but also how bad vengeance is and how they should all be moral like him. Then in vengeance he throws them into a mirror-hell dimension to teach them a lesson. GZA from Wu Tang Clan guest stars as a black man servant, and during a high-speed bout of wacky banter with the Doctor they accidentally invent rap music. A snob comes out and says "Why Sir Doctor you surely have formed something of a rapport with that blackomancer" and GZA says "Yeah, yeah, a rap, I'll remember this D." and runs away to become a famous bard.
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 00:18
|
|
|
FirstPersonShitter posted:"Why Sir Doctor you surely have formed something of a rapport with that blackomancer" lmao
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 00:31
|
|
|
Doctor Who gets a snarky roommate (played by Bud Cort) who keeps calling him "Dr. Who Gives A poo poo". The doctor falls into a deep depression, commits suicide, and is reborn as an animated animal man who wants to have sex with everybody. In part 2 he has sex with everybody. Call it... I don't know. Whatever.
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 01:21
|
|
|
The Smell Of Fear The TARDIS lands on Vigrus 5, where the local population are being picked off one by one by a monster, known as The Fear, that nobody can see. The Doctor waves his screwdriver about a bit and announces that the creature is a olfactological being from the Whiffee nebula, common throughout the universe. "Have you ever smelled a smell, and not known where it came from? Have you ever smelled flowers... but no flowers are around? Or have you ever smelled broken wind, in an empty lift? Sometimes... nobody dealt it." A chirpy local is turned into a permanent stink by the monster, so the Doctor runs about a bit, occasionally flaring his nostrils ominously, then he makes a force field out of his sonic screwdriver, traps the Fear and banishes it back to space. "No more hanging around like a bad smell!" or something. Then the Doctor turns to the camera and says "Kids, you should be really scared of any weird smell. It's a monster." Then, some scary music plays, and we see a one-minute smash-cut montage of ordinary people in their homes or in the street, obviously smelling something bad that they don't know where it came from. "BE SCARED OF BAD SMELLS," says the Doctor in voice-over. Roll credits.
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 01:40
|
|
|
Faux Mulder posted:The Smell Of Fear Classic Who right there.
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 02:19
|
|
|
Keymaster LAST TIME: All season in key situations the doctor's normally constant use of the sonic screwdriver to solve every problem has been flummoxed at key points because the locks were somehow made impervious, always accompanied by a card signed 'The Keymaster'. Who could this mysterious 'keymaster' be and why does hate the doctor so much, its like he's got a deep, old hatred for him, like he was his nemesis, and he has to be able to travel through time somehow otherwise how could he interfere with the Doctor? Finally, we will find out! ACT 1: The doctor receives a mysterious space telegram to come to a mysterious planet. He is immediately arrested by a coalition of all the species in the universe, even the Daleks, who have realised that in the screwdriver he commands an irresistible force, an ultimate power of dark and inexplicable utility and infinite energy density, capable of doing everything from altering spacetime to blowing up moons. So they have devised a defence against it and will now kill doctor who with his own screwdriver, which will destroy it because it has a soul now apparently and will kill itself from the grief. But it doesn't work because it has a soul and is friends with the doctor! Frustrated the enemy forces decide to throw him into a black hole instead. ACT 2: Just as we think our hero and his magic wand is done for, space 'unlocks', whatever that means, and the Master comes out! "I am not just the Master, my dear Doctor! I am also, THE KEY MASTER!" He displays an enormous hologram of his signature 'The Keymaster' and makes the 'Key' vanish and capitalises the M, allowing the Doctor to finally understand the complexity and depths of his ruse. "And that wasn't a black hole, it was a KEY HOLE! FOR MY PRISON!" He does the same holographic explanation for that one too incase it was too hard to follow. "Now my dear Doctor you will be locked in the same loathsome prison that I was locked in, with no sonic screwdriver, unable to see the sky or time travel or leave notes for anyone, for any purpose!" He locks him in and walks away laughing. ACT 3: The Doctor is trapped inside the prison with no sonic screwdriver, finally a situation he cannot magic his way out of, and it is looking like in the future he will have to rely on actually solving problems and thinking rather than just pointing at them until they are fixed. We see many clips of him solving every problem with his sonic screwdriver, to save the BBC money. But then he realises that he has a spare sonic screwdriver. But the alliance has somehow fixed the prison lock so it won't open for the sonic screwdriver either. But he realises, he doesn't need a sonic screwdriver to solve this. He needs a SUPERsonic screwdriver! He uses his sonic screwdriver to instantly make one, which looks exactly like a phillips head, which is great for the prop budget, throws his old sonic in the trash and leaves, solving six moral dilemmas on the way out because his new supersonic screwdriver has a morality setting.
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 02:45
|
|
|
mysterious frankie posted:Doctor Who gets a snarky roommate (played by Bud Cort) who keeps calling him "Dr. Who Gives A poo poo". The doctor falls into a deep depression, commits suicide, and is reborn as an animated animal man who wants to have sex with everybody. call it Senior Woodchuck
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 03:32
|
|
|
doctor wuh doctor can't figure out what's causing a mysterious problem in a quaint english town so he just goes around pointing his magic screwdriver at everything until the ghost goes away or whatever
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 04:46
|
|
|
Ghaz posted:doctor wuh doctor can't figure out what's causing a mysterious problem in a quaint english town so he just goes around pointing his magic screwdriver at everything until the ghost goes away or whatever The ghost was actually the town's negative emotions that had been caught in a psycho-emotional nexus.
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 04:56
|
|
|
Applewhite posted:The ghost was actually the town's negative emotions that had been caught in a psycho-emotional nexus. you are actually Dr Who aren't you
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 05:01
|
|
|
gnarlyhotep posted:you are actually Dr Who aren't you Haha! But seriously this thread is actually an alien mimic whose only weakness is gold. The gold bars are keeping it dormant but it needs to be goldmined if we're to have any hope of sealing it away permanently. If it escapes everyone on this forum is in terrible danger (they will become trapped in their avatars one by one. As in their avatar will be a looping gif of them banging on the glass and yelling for help.)
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 05:09
|
|
|
Arbeit Macht DIE! The Doctor and his companion wind up in WW2-era Germany for some reason, probably because the Doctor is really terrible at flying his TARDIS. They are taken for jews by some SS men who are currently raiding the ghetto where the TARDIS turned up. there is a dramatic chase sequence, and the Doctor uses the sonic screwdriver to make a crate of sauerkraut jars fall on the SS men. The Doctor quips "Haha, I love to get out and a-kraut!" and a nearby urchin points at the SS men and laughs, shouting "KRAUTS! KRAUTS!". The Doctor asks the boy his name, and it turns out that in the future he'll write the seminal dictionary for racist terms. The Doctor and his companion are taken in by a kindly jewish family who cover for them when the SS men come knocking, still covered in sauerkraut. The father of the family turns out to have once been a scientist who worked for the German government, but he was fired when Hitler came into power. His project was on some strange, alien technology that had been found out in a crater in the woods. To prove that the father is smart he identifies the Doctor as being an alien. There are hijinks, and the Doctor and his companion and the jewish dad break in to the nazi lab. Turns out the alien tech was a dalek! The Doctor tries to warn the scientists of the danger the dalek poses, but it turns out they already know! They love the Dalek! Its racist ideas created the Nazi Party! Luckily the Doctor knows that all Daleks are circumcised, and he tells the Nazis who then empty their guns into the 'astrojuden'. The real monster is racism. Unfortunately back at the jewish family's house, they've all been taken off to a concentration camp in the father's absence. The companion wails at the Doctor, saying 'we literally have a time machine lets go back and save them'. The Doctor says they can't because otherwise it wouldn't be sad enough. But then they do it anyway. They take the jewish family to the future, where unfortunately the father kills himself because he knows that by discovering the dalek he created the nazis and condemned millions of his countrymen to death. Then the rest of the family commit suicide too, because You Can't Change The Past, Except When You Can. It's very sad and the companion learns an important lesson: everything is sad and the Doctor is always right.
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 05:28
|
|
|
Dr. Who and the Insufferable Pedantry In this season's low-budget, companion-lite episode, a young boy mistakenly refers to the Doctor as "Dr. Who", prompting the Doctor to correct him through a ten-minute lecture. The entire rest of the episode is spent on the TARDIS set, clearing up misconceptions about obscure minutiae of the Doctor's past adventures. Skeletons of Abbey Road The Doctor travels to London, 1968 for no good reason other than to settle an argument with Clara by making her witness firsthand the tensions that led to the Beatles' eventual breakup. On the way, they stumble upon an evil plot by alien skeleton-like creatures called Bonerixes, who steal people's skins and wear them as disguises. Paul is revealed to have been dead and replaced by a Bonerix for some time now. In order to stop the aliens from stealing the skins of every Londoner, the Doctor appeals to the remaining three band members, whose music is the key to sending them back to their home planet. The title of every song on the White Album is shoehorned into the Doctor's dialogue, implying that this adventure inspired the Beatles to write every single one. Yoko Ono's character is treated with the utmost respect. The Invasion of Ayers Rock The Doctor and Clara land in Australia, where they fight Cybermen. The episode is a cookie-cutter Cyberman plot in every single respect, aside from the brief appearance of a cyber-kangaroo. The AV Club's reviewer gives this episode a B+. Planet of Wizards The Doctor and Clara travel to a planet populated by wizards. The Doctor is skeptical, and spends the episode insisting that there must be some scientific explanation to what he's seeing. However, wizards attempting to cast spells have recently started to spontaneously combust. The Doctor finds out that the manifestations of the wizards' magic powers were actually the work of a creature trapped in another dimension trying to communicate, and that spontaneous combustions are a sign of its increasing desperation. The Doctor builds a machine to communicate with the creature, but nothing he says seems to get through to it. The wizards, unwilling to lose their powers, attempt to dismantle the machine. Before they can manage to do so, Clara provides the missing piece of the puzzle: The laughter of a child, which she calls "a type of magic even the Doctor would admit the existence of". The Doctor, Clara and the child wave goodbye to the creature as it flies away into space, while the wizards remain pretty bummed about being unable to cast fireballs anymore. The 1001 Year Diary In the revived series' groundbreaking first seven-parter episode, the Doctor must tell an immensely powerful space djinn stories in order to lull it to sleep before it consumes a solar system. He does so by bringing it, and the viewers, up to speed on every single major plot point of the show's 51-year history. Doctors in Time To celebrate the tenth anniversary of the Doctor Who revival, the Doctor teams up with another Doctor... but probably not the one you expected. A time storm of unprecedented size, which the Doctor calls "a 6 on the Rassilon Scale", sends the TARDIS hurtling into an alternate dimension where he meets an alternate version of himself (Rowan Atkinson) who has settled down to live a peaceful life with his companion. Can the two Doctors put aside their differences to not only find the way back home, but also stop a deadly plot by a team-up of the newly-revived Master and the Daleks? In a stunning, epic finale, our Doctor's TARDIS is towed back to his home dimension by three other TARDISes manned by his most recent past incarnations appearing as cameos (Matt Smith, David Tennant, and a waxwork version of Christopher Eccleston). Fred is on fucked around with this message at 06:23 on Dec 1, 2014 |
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 06:20
|
|
|
Applewhite posted:The ghost was actually the town's negative emotions that had been caught in a psycho-emotional nexus. yeah exactly
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 06:50
|
|
|
The Doctor tries to go back in time to join The Beatles. However, he ends up overshooting by a few years, and instead joins them in their earlier incarnation as... ...the Quarrymen. 
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 06:54
|
|
|
Fred is on posted:Dr. Who and the Insufferable Pedantry This is the one that I want to see made the most. Fred is on posted:The Invasion of Ayers Rock Okay, this is the one I want to see made the most.
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 07:23
|
|
|
Jimbone Tallshanks posted:This is the one that I want to see made the most. they're all suspiciously amazing Applewhite is Dr Who, I am convinced of that
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 07:31
|
|
|
The Hundred Doctors For the show's 100th anniversary (and final year of the 23rd doctor), the Doctor and his young female companion are caught in a time storm and come face to face with 99 TARDISes. The pilots turn out to be all the possible 24th Doctors (and 99 copies of the companion, some of whom inexplicably have different personalities from each other), ranging from relatively unknown actors to lookalikes/soundalikes of classic Doctors such as Peter Capaldi (since we now know that he can regenerate into old faces). This event takes place over a whole season, and potential future Doctors are eliminated Survivor-style. The 24th Doctor is eventually picked out, and is yet again a caucasian male, although for a brief moment in episode 5 of the season we glimpse a female Doctor, who only shows up so that the Doctor has a chance to explain to his companion that it's entirely possible for him to regenerate into a female.
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 09:42
|
|
|
Fred is on posted:Planet of Wizards Great throwaway line to end it here.
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 09:44
|
|
|
The Doctor and Clara run off course and end up in a children's hospital, where they meet a sweet little girl who has just been diagnosed with diabetes. "You humans!" exclaims the Doctor indignantly, throwing a vial of insulin on the floor. "Your first response is always to medicate the problem away! Did you never consider a sugar monster might be using her as a conduit to communicate?!" The girl's parents admit they never considered the possibility. Meanwhile the girl slips into a diabetic coma and later dies. The Doctor does not apologize.
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 13:00
|
|
|
The Doctor eats some really bad Chinese food and spends the whole episode having wet shits. But(t) then he waves his magic screwmajig @ his own butt fixing his screamin' meanies because it turns out his rear end was haunted by the ghost of an alien or whatever. Who's on first?! Doctor Who decides to play a game of space-baseball. When a curious fan requests the positions of the team, hilarity ensues. Who Done it When visiting his companion's great uncle Nester, someone is murdered! The rest of the episode is spent having pedantic arguments about who could have done the killing. But before the killer is revealed, the Doctor travels back in time so that he doesn't have to go because seriously, that is some boring poo poo. Doctor who enters a Space-Hamburger eating contest. The whole episode consists of voice overs about what is going on and footage of people eating hamburgers. Dr. Who comes in 3rd. The Daleks invent some kind of device that makes them not look like lazy, cheap, unimposing losers.
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 13:07
|
|
|
Applewhite posted:Haha! But seriously this thread is actually an alien mimic whose only weakness is gold. The gold bars are keeping it dormant but it needs to be goldmined if we're to have any hope of sealing it away permanently. So Doctor, you're saying the US governments knew about this monster all along? All the government's do Clara, they've known for hundreds of years! Sorry Doctor but I can't believe that. Oh really? Why do you think governments used to sit and huge stockpiles of gold? Why do you think the US keeps the world's largest supply of gold in Fort Knox? Uhh I thought that was to do with the economy or something. Don't be daft Clara, gold has nothing to do with the economy, it's almost an entirely useless metal. Useless apart from two things: making the jewellery you seem to feel the need to adorn yourself in and killing alien mimics. So you mean...? That's right Clara, it's not there to be a currency, it's there to be weaponised. It later turns out the alien mimic was just trying to send a message so it could get home and the Americans were planning on following it back to their planet and wiping the entire spieces out so really humans were the bad guys.
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 13:10
|
|
|
If Only... The Tardis is sucked into an alternate universe where everyone on Earth has a gun. The Doctor and Clara must find out which of the five remaining humans is really an alien in disguise.
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 14:10
|
|
|
Applewhite posted:If it escapes everyone on this forum is in terrible danger (they will become trapped in their avatars one by one. As in their avatar will be a looping gif of them banging on the glass and yelling for help.) As far as afterlives go this is really not so bad.
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 14:21
|
|
|
FirstPersonShitter posted:'astrojuden'
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 14:38
|
|
|
Clayren posted:As far as afterlives go this is really not so bad. That's just while the mimic digests you. The gif gradually stiffens and turns into an anime avatar (anime is the mimic's waste product, every anime character you've ever seen is a human being who was eaten by the mimic.) Applewhite fucked around with this message at 20:57 on Dec 1, 2014 |
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 15:20
|
|
|
Check Your Privilege: All over Earth, people's privileges are being redistributed! A rich, white CEO is sent to prison for his crimes like a normal person, meanwhile a Black teen is given the benefit of the doubt when he accidentally leaves a store with unpaid merchandise. The Doctor and Clara trace these strange occurrences to a race of energy beings with the ability to manipulate reality. The Doctor is completely okay with their actions but points out that having the ability to manipulate reality could be considered the ultimate privilege and that if they were really serious about equality they would give it up. Otherwise they're really just hypocrites. The aliens mumble some halfhearted excuses before remembering they have to be somewhere else. The strange occurrences continue on Earth for another week or two but eventually taper off of their own accord to be replaced by a sudden, unnatural spike in worldwide anime levels. Wedding of the Daleks: Rusty the Dalek (Into the Dalek) is back. He's had some success setting up a fifth column of Dalek resistance inside the empire, but now he needs The Doctor's help for the ultimate anti-Dalek act: he wants to get married! He's fallen in love with one of his fellow fifth-columnists and now the two have fled the empire to elope. the Doctor, being the closest thing The Daleks have to a religious figure, is the only being in the universe that could sanctify their union. The bad Daleks show up and try to prevent the marriage by blowing up Rusty and his husband but, just as the wounded mutants are dying, The Doctor pronounces them married. Their tentacles touch for the first and last time and they shed tears from their gross eyeballs as they pass away together.
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 16:51
|
|
|
The Terror of 'Rippy' Ted Frays In what critics are calling the season's most chilling episode, the Doctor and his companion visit the MOST TERRIFYING HAUNTED HOUSE IN THE UNIVERSE for Halloween. Legend states that this place, in the year 2525, was once the home of a serial killer called Ted Frays, who ripped his victims to shreds before they died. Since his execution the house has become famous for the fact that it is so terrifyingly haunted that anyone who enters it on future halloween never returns. Naturally, the Doctor and his companion enter the house. Immediately the doors lock and bars slide across the windows. As they poke around the house they discover ancient bones of many species... ALL TORN APART! The climax of the episode is when the towering, undead figure of 'Rippy' Ted Frays awakes in the basement and chases the Doctor and his companion through the house. The next 30 minutes of the episode are spent with Ted saying "Please remain calm while your limbs are removed." in a calm, official voice over and over and over, intercut with shots of the Doctor and his companion's terrified faces. Ted continuously advances but never seems to reach them. Just when it seems like the Doctor is finally done for, he realises that there never was a serial killer named Ted Frays, and that this house was never a house, it was a medical facility for an ancient alien race who reproduced by tearing themselves to pieces once a year and each of those pieces growing into a new alien. He zaps Ted Frays with his sonic screwdriver and sparks shoot out, and the tattered clothing falls away from his lumbering form, revealing Ted to be nothing more than a malfunctioning nurse robot designed to help the alien birthing process. The Doctor then uses his sonic screwdriver to unlock the doors (it is not clear why he did not just do this to begin with) and they leave. The next scene reveals that they had Ted repaired, and now he is going to go and find the ancient race who his programming demands he help. The final scene of the episode is Ted blasting off in a spaceship, repeating over and over "Thank you the Doctor, thank you the Doctor" intercut with faces of the Doctor and his companion smiling and watching the spaceship leave.
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 17:15
|
|
|
When we all start seeing these episodes air and realize that Stephen Moffat is Applewhite we can at least all be smug enough to say "see I told you he ran out of ideas"
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 18:50
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 9, 2024 16:33 |
|
|
Climb Cold open: A dark house. It's 8pm. A mum tells her 8-year-old daughter to go to bed, but she's apprehensive about going up the stairs. Mum demands that she go, not watching. The girl slowly climbs the stairs, which creak and groan. Suddenly, one of the steps gives way and the girl is dragged into the gap between the stairs and disappears. Mum turns around too late. Theme tune. The Doctor turns up, with whoever. After a chat with the distraught mum, he points his sonic screwdriver at the stairs, which creak and groan again. Mum: "Oh, they've always been creaky." Doctor: "But if there's nobody on them... then why are they creaking?" Interchangeable companion: "Is it the sonic screwdriver?" Doctor: "But how could it be the sonic screwdriver... if it doesn't do wood?" Doctor paces about a bit. "We use the stairs every day. Rely on them for so much... why don't we ever listen to what they're saying?" Then, they all go into the cupboard under the stairs, close the door, and let the Doctor whisper at them for a bit. Speech ends with "We never really know... what's in the cupboard... under the stairs." Then they come outside again, the Doctor explains that a Four-Dimensional Crebulonian Footpath Beast has taken up residence in the steps, as they often do on planets with bipedal lifeforms. The beast lies in wait for lone steppers, then eats them. The creaking is its weird four-dimensional stomach rumbling. "That's why we should all be really scared of creaky steps," says the Doctor. "Creaky steps... might be a monster. If you're on a step, and it creaks, it should properly poo poo you up." The Doctor banishes the monster by exo-linking it to the TARDIS and trapping it in an Escher painting. "Sorry about your daughter, not much to be done what with her being in an eternal agony plane, which is where you go if the creaky step monster gets you. And like I said, they're everywhere, so listen out for any creaks and don't go up the stairs if you hear any, especially if you're a child and it's between 7 and 10pm, because that's when the... the fuckin' stair monster will get you and kill you." Ending shot: the Escher painting again, only the little girl is in it, looking terrified and just generally having a lovely time. Credits. NEXT WEEK: a monster that hides in routine vaccinations
|
|
#
?
Dec 1, 2014 19:19
|
|