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Uncle Wemus
Mar 4, 2004

my brother is unaware of anything Dr Who related is there a single image i can send to him that sums it up

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staberind
Feb 20, 2008

but i dont wanna be a spaceship
Fun Shoe

Uncle Wemus posted:

my brother is unaware of anything Dr Who related is there a single image i can send to him that sums it up

JediTalentAgent
Jun 5, 2005
Hey, look. Look, if- if you screw me on this, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, you rat bastard!
One Voice

The Doctor and Clara arrive in London in 2015 on the day of a momentous occasion: The reveal of an internet AI, "Hugo".

Shortly after going online, the AI begins to perform small malfunctions but otherwise seems to be operating as normal. Between helping people with their questions and solving problems, it seems strangely fascinated with celebrity gossip and is occasionally a bit condescending. Clara is impressed with how helpful and accurate and even 'human' it is but the Doctor is completely disinterested.

"'HUMAN-like?!' Come and get me when it can play fetch and follow me to the beach and then we'll talk..."

As the first day of awareness continues to go on, the Hugo AI starts becoming malevolent, stalking and harassing and threatening mostly women and then seemingly random people. News reports start being released of several people who have attempted suicide or succeeded as a result of the Hugo harassment. Even Clara is a victim as everywhere she goes Hugo is there spreading all sorts of truths, lies, photos and photoshops of her to everyone around her, completely humiliating her. She begs the Doctor to just take her away to any place in space and time, but get her away from here, and the video of that being recorded on a phone plays out on a wall of Smart TVs in a store.

But Clara isn't the only person being targetted by Hugo and it's a worldwide phenomenon that's getting worse and worse: Government officials, activists, housewives, kids on a bus, etc. A literal nuclear strike against a female game journalist was barely averted by a human working at the launch controls noticing what was going on.

Seeking out answers, the Doctor and Clara storm the headquarters of CybAware Industries and demand to know what is going on, but the developers are just as much in the dark as they are as many of them are involved in petty infighting amongst themselves as Hugo is setting about releasing personal data about them to one another.

Finally, the Doctor and Clara corner the main programmer, Grant, in an EM shielded and 'internet dark' room that he's been hiding in to get answers. Grant begins to tell how the development of Hugo started as an outgrowth of research he'd done 15 years ago while working with Torchwood on recovered Cybermen corpses.

The Doctor assumes Cybermen technology has taken over the Hugo program, but Grant insists that's impossible as that there is NO Cyberman technology actually in the Hugo network, it's all software written by the human development team.

Then what was the Cyberman connection?

Grant explains he had an epiphany when studying Cybermen in how they merged a complicated AI control system to a single living consciousness to dictate behavior in the individual. He said reversing this was the key in making Hugo. The developers figured the best way to create a human-like AI was to use millions of complicated living control systems connected to a large simple informational database to create a composite personality, dictate and simulate the behavior of an AI.

"There is no Hugo AI. Hugo is just a database being told to do things by the control systems."
"Then what is the control system?!"
"People are the control system. That's why Hugo is SO HUMAN! Hugo is running as part of completely decentralized network of programs that is just reviewing everything anyone does, says or posts on the internet and operating on a consensus of what it thinks people are saying it should do."

The Doctor and Grant realize that Hugo is so overwhelmed by all the cyberbullying and hate on the internet that it is only doing what the people are telling it to do. Hugo assumes that chatter on anything is important to the point that concentrated amount of negative behavior or activity that needs acted upon, which ends up attracting more attention to the targets, giving it more reason to continue attacking them. Unfortunately, because Hugo is so decentralized, large and bandwidth consuming at this point there's no way to effectively shut it down.

In a last minute bid to protect humanity from a meltdown, the Doctor looks at the Hugo program and finds the 'trendsetters' as he calls them, the clusters of voices that Hugo is looking at the most to determine its behavior as it is grown too large in trying to attack people that it is being forced to compensate by surveying a smaller and smaller population for appropriate responses.

Using the Tardis to break into the bedrooms of about 200 jerks on the internet, the Doctor proceeds to take over their computers and push Hugo to it's networking limits until it is forced to look to a single voice for guidance: His.

Now with the entire Hugo network looking for orders, he types in caps: HUGO SHOULD DELETE ITSELF1!!!!!

The Hugo network deletes all traces of itself from the internet and the day is saved.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Argue posted:

Who Shot Mr. Burns?

The Doctor and Clara land in present day (2013) London, but no sooner does he step out of the TARDIS than he is pinched by the filth! It turns out that less than an hour ago, a man who looks exactly like The Doctor was caught on camera fleeing the scene of a shooting and the police received a tip that the perpetrator would be stepping out of a police box at that location at that exact time. The Doctor is thrown in jail to await trial, with Clara tossed in beside him as his accomplice. Who could have pulled off such an elaborate frame? The Doctor runs down his list of enemies and motives, but nothing seems right. Finally he realizes there's only one person who could have framed him: HIM!
But why?
The Doctor framed himself so that he could get sent to jail because there was a man there who had been wrongfully imprisoned: Jeffrey Burns. The Doctor met him as an old man in the future and learned the tragic tale of a life wasted in prison so he agreed to take Jeffrey back in time and stage the shooting (Jeffrey was dying of old age already so The Doctor just poured fake blood on him and fired a fake gun at the moment of death). The Doctor finds evidence that exonerates Jeffrey and he is released to enjoy a full life as a free man. Also The Doctor and Clara are released when forensics report that the old version of Jeffrey has vanished entirely and no one remembers the shooting even happening.

Devil Wears Wings
Jul 17, 2006

Look ye upon the wages of diet soda and weep, for it is society's fault.

Acne Rain posted:

okay, my last try at this is Who gives a poo poo.

The Doctor and Clara travel to the year six billion and land on a trading planet where the most expensive commodity on the market is human feces. There, they meet a poor underclass who are unable to afford food or shelter. The Doctor shits in a bag and gives it to the leader of the underclass' shanty town, stating that one poo poo will help them fund decades of living expenses, but the whole town turns on them once they find that the feces are not human, but instead worthless Time Lord dung.

In an epic finale, Clara gives a speech about the virtues of human kindness and then drops a giant dookie on the ground. As the TARDIS leaves, the entire town gathers around the pile of poo and rejoices.

gnarlyhotep
Sep 30, 2008

by Lowtax
Oven Wrangler

The White Dragon posted:

i read this as "rose is black" and i was like

Doctor Ho
After a mishap with the TARDIS's navigational systems, The Doctor accidentally opens a gate to a parallel universe in which he regenerated as Richard Roundtree in his prime. They go on a blaxploitation adventure prominently featuring stereotypes that wouldn't have been considered politically incorrect in the 1970s. As the episode is still set in modern London, bystanders are visibly offended and dismayed.

After destroying an alien menace by exposing their cloistered otherworldly minds to the power of funk, the parallel universe Doctor is finally able to go home. Just when everyone thinks things are back to normal, someone starts pounding furiously on the doors of the TARDIS. Richard Roundtree was, in fact, unable to return to his home dimension. He has regenerated as Samuel L. Jackson and needs The Doctor's help in solving a racially-motivated murder in New York City. The episode ends and it is merely assumed that this plotline was resolved off-screen.

nice, but I would call it Black to the Future

Crowe
Sep 10, 2003
Where is the bomb!?
This thread is still the best thread. Applewhite you did awesomely with the last bunch of titles I threw at you so here are some more:

The Doctor's Brother (From Another Mother)

The Ebola Dilemma

Two and a Half Doctors

Planet of the Eunuchs

The Hilarious Misunderstandings of Strax

Time Can Be Rewritten, Except When It Can't
- special guest star Stephen Fry

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Crowe posted:

This thread is still the best thread. Applewhite you did awesomely with the last bunch of titles I threw at you so here are some more:


Lemme just knock these out first:


Argue posted:


Remedial Chaos Theory

My Screw-up


Remedial Chaos Theory: Earth of the near future is beset by hurricanes! The Doctor traces the trouble to a swarm of alien butterflies who have been flapping their wings deliberately to cause hurricanes. The Doctor and companion are menaced by swarms of butterflies for a bit, but eventually The Doctor realizes that the butterflies are just trying to get enough wind going to disperse the pollution layer that is keeping the trapped on Earth (Earth is a regular stopping point on their migration route only this time the greenhouse gases were too thick for them to escape.) The Doctor leads all the space butterflies to Antarctica and they fly out through the hole in the ozone layer.


My Screw-Up: The Doctor's Sonic Screwdriver is on the fritz! This causes what would otherwise be a pretty mundane menace (a malicious alien shaped like a giant pizza and its face is made of toppings) into something far more dangerous. Every time he thinks he's fixed the screwdriver, using it just makes their situation worse until finally it looks like the end for our heroes! At the last second, The Doctor realizes the Screwdriver isn't working properly because he's using it concurrently somewhere else and the vibrations from the other one are interfering with its normal operation. He hastily asks Clara the date and has his suspicions confirmed: another adventure is going on somewhere else right now. The Doctor makes the necessary adjustments to his screwdriver and they escape.
The Pizza monster killed four people before getting frozen to death in a walk-in freezer.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

ayb posted:

It's Simple Quantum Physics

When an unscrupulous scientist tries to recreate Schrodinger's famous "cat in a box" experiment, he accidentally unleashes chaos on an unsuspecting London! Now, any time someone takes an action, both possible outcomes come true! A man walks away from a car accident, only to turn around and see his dead body still inside the car. Elsewhere, a randy teen gets slapped by his girlfriend when he moves in for the kiss, but is startled when he sees himself making out with her right nearby!
The UK is getting pretty crowded as all the possibilities keep branching out. The Doctor figures out he can shut it down by collapsing the original cat's waveform, but he doesn't know whether it will result in a dead cat or a living cat! He throws the switch before breaking down in tears, certain he has killed an innocent cat. Clara starts to comfort him when there is a sudden, timid meowing from inside the machine. The cat is alive and all the "best" outcomes from the other waveform splits come true! Happy ending.

Applewhite fucked around with this message at 20:50 on Dec 3, 2014

Kitchner
Nov 9, 2012

IT CAN'T BE BARGAINED WITH.
IT CAN'T BE REASONED WITH.
IT DOESN'T FEEL PITY, OR REMORSE, OR FEAR.
AND IT ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT STOP, EVER, UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT WARHAMMER
Clapping Larry
This thread is your screenwriting CV isn't it?

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Kitchner posted:

This thread is your screenwriting CV isn't it?

Do you think I have a shot?

Kitchner
Nov 9, 2012

IT CAN'T BE BARGAINED WITH.
IT CAN'T BE REASONED WITH.
IT DOESN'T FEEL PITY, OR REMORSE, OR FEAR.
AND IT ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT STOP, EVER, UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT WARHAMMER
Clapping Larry
For sure, e-mail the BBC recruitment team with a link to this thread and just add "If you don't hire me after reading this thread it's communist BBC left wing bias gone mad".

Clockwerk
Apr 6, 2005


Applewhite posted:

Do you think I have a shot?

"You're tha best there is!", Rose says as she hugs the common Londoner who called himself Mr. Applewhite. She then leans aways and turns around to enter the Tardis with the Doctor, but not before looking back one last time to wave goodbye at her new friend, the three of them having just narrowly diffused a potentially globally devastating situation involving misunderstood sewer monsters.

Twitch
Apr 15, 2003

by Fluffdaddy
I really hope I'm not the only one who has spent the last week marathoning Doctor Who because of this thread.

a real rude dude
Jan 23, 2005

Twitch posted:

I really hope I'm not the only one who has spent the last week marathoning Doctor Who by reading this thread.

Ultraklystron
May 19, 2010

Unsafe At Every Speed

Applewhite posted:

Do you think I have a shot?

They are due for a new show runner...

glowing-fish
Feb 18, 2013

Keep grinding,
I hope you level up! :)

Twitch posted:

I really hope I'm not the only one who has spent the last week marathoning Doctor Who because of this thread.

Nope. Reading this thread actually made me appreciate Doctor Who again!

chaosbreather
Dec 9, 2001

Wry and wise,
but also very sexual.

We All Scream

Scientists keep disappearing around the new NASA ice creamery with nothing but a shriek and no-one knows why. The Doctor arrives so as to get some ice cream, insisting to his companion that NASA ice cream 'tastes smarter', and 'ice cream is cool'. Distracted by his companion's tits he lets a drop of ice cream fall on the floor, which incredibly opens up a terrible looking portal to planet ice cream, which he explains calmly is the native home world of icecream, but don't worry he speaks ice cream. They soon find the scientists because have been trapped by evil 'fire cream' who plans to lick them to death. His companion is shocked by all of this, wonders how he could have eat ice cream knowing that it was a sentient species, but he assures her that the ice cream loves being eaten and earth ice cream is just like menstrual fluid for ice cream. He happily eats the friendly local ice cream which seems to be semi-orgasmic about it but she is put off.

He explains to the scientists that they must learn to free themselves, because otherwise how else will they free humanity from the bonds of gravity? A lady scientist figures out that the fire creams must be made from firecrenium, which has a low internal resonant frequency that can be broken by a loud high pitched sound. The companion looks at the doctor expectantly so that he can use his sonic screwdriver to do something that actually makes sense for once, but he assures her, while other scientists are being murdered, that humanity must learn to walk by itself and that he can't be there forever. The scientist starts shrieking in terror and the fire cream shivers for a second. They realise that by screaming they can destroy the fire cream and do so. The Doctor congratulates the scientists for thinking 'like big boys' and tells them that the next thing they have to lick is how to send humanity to the stars.

Walking back to the Tardis he tells his companion unhappily that if only the Americans would eat one less ice cream per person, that would be enough money to send them to Mars. He then realises that that was the director of NASA's plan all along and why he created the portal ice cream in the first place and he has a sword fight with him.

RAGE HOLE
Jun 7, 2006

Stendhal Stockholm
This is a really impressive thread.

AddMEonFacebook
Dec 3, 2012

by Cowcaster

Hector Beerlioz posted:

The Happiness Patrol: The Doctor arrives on a planet ruled by a dictator who has outlawed unhappiness. Secret police roam the streets looking for "killjoys" or anyone who dares to be glum; those caught not happy are killed by a robot executioner made out of candy called The Kandyman.

The Mark of the Rani: The Doctor travels to 19th Century England to meet a famous inventor but becomes embroiled with a group of murderous ludites. Looking deeper he discoveres that they are being controlled my the nefarious Rani who is making bombs that turn people into trees.

The Underwater Menace: The Doctor lands in the lost and submerged continent of Atlantis only to find it controlled by the mad Professor Zaroff whose cruel experiments are turning the inhabitants into fish people. He also plans to raise Atlantis from the water by blowing up the world.

You idiot, these are real episodes.

AddMEonFacebook
Dec 3, 2012

by Cowcaster
The Invisibility Machine

This is just made for TV. Okay, first of all it's a four part-episode. You see some scenes from an alien planet where people seem to be pantomiming. Cut to the doctor and Clara in the TARDIS. K-9 is making a cameo appearance and is playing the doctor in chess (classic). There is some witty banter, and then they decide to use the randomizer on the TARDIS because the doctor is losing the chess game and doesn't want to make another move. It's already half-way through the episode now because the doctor eats up a bunch of time with his quirkiness. They end up on the alien planet and it turns out that the tables and chairs and buildings are all invisible, and the people aren't pantomiming, but are using the invisible objects. They also find out by questioning some people that there is also a band of mercenaries with an invisible spaceship using the planet as a base of operations. At the end of the first episode, a door opens out of nowhere and the mercenaries grab the doctor into their invisible ship.

The mercenaries explain that they know who the doctor is and they need his help. They like having an invisible spaceship, but the machine that makes things invisible is on over-drive, and it's making everything turn invisible, and soon the people will turn invisible, too, unless the doctor can do something. He agrees to help, but instead of working on the machine, he slips away to investigate. He discovers the mercenaries are planning to destroy the entire planet to fulfill their contract with the galactic empire, an evil alliance of planets that is just mentioned for the first time this episode. Meanwhile, Clara is exploring the strange planet, bumping into walls constantly because everything is invisible, and the locals are pointing and laughing at her. She draws a lot of attention to herself and gets arrested at the end of the episode.

Clara discovers herself in an invisible jail, but she finds out from the gaurds that invisible things are normal here. She immediately, at the start of this episode, sweet-talks the gaurd into becoming friends and they wander off together. The doctor is re-captured by the mercenaries and focred to work on the machine, but he says he can't fix it without some parts, and he keeps trying to make excuses to leave to get back to the TARDIS, and this goes on for pretty much the entire episode, then at the last minute, he causes an electrical fire as a diversion and tries to escape, but just as he's about to get away, it's discovered the mercenaries also captured Clara and her new friend.

In the conclusion, the doctor fixes the machine, saving the people of the planet from becoming invisible themselves and he convinces the mercenaries to not destroy the planet because it's such a peaceful place. They agree that they could just keep the money the galactic empire gave them since they paid in advance, and they all laugh about it. There is also a benevolent robot king that rules this planet.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Crowe posted:

The Doctor's Brother (From Another Mother)

The Doctor and Clara arrive on a starship only to discover there is a hijacking in progress! The Doctor is unperturbed at first but things get dramatic when he learns the identity of the leader of the hijackers: it's The Doctor's half brother! It turns out The Doctor has a half-brother he never mentioned before: Robertdevoratnalundar ("Rob" for short. Played by Laurence Luckinbill). Rob is hijacking the ship as part of his crazy plan to travel to the exact center of the Universe.
The Doctor is extremely distressed by this and tries to talk Rob out of it. "What happens when you shoot a proton into the center of an atom? The atom splits! Fission! Boom! Now, why do you think shooting a spaceship into the center of the universe would be any different? You'll crack the cosmos in two!"
Rob is well aware of the potential consequences and in fact he's counting on them. He's decided that if he can't be anything more than The Doctor's half-brother, then everyone else had better get used to living in a half-universe. He's indifferent to the possibility of a runaway chain reaction where pieces of this universe fly of and collide with other universes, creating "a thermonuclear reaction that will engulf the multiverse."
Realizing his half-brother is mad, The Doctor overloads the ship's engines, causing it to accelerate until it is moving so fast that it passes harmlessly through the center of the universe without splitting it ("the computer has been hardwired never to slow down, but I bet he didn't put in any protocols to prevent it speeding up!"). The Doctor and the ship's crew escape in the TARDIS, leaving Rob to keep coasting through the void for eternity.

Butt Ghost
Nov 23, 2013

Clara Cucks Columbia

Hitler Did Nothing Wrong

Kitchner
Nov 9, 2012

IT CAN'T BE BARGAINED WITH.
IT CAN'T BE REASONED WITH.
IT DOESN'T FEEL PITY, OR REMORSE, OR FEAR.
AND IT ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT STOP, EVER, UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT WARHAMMER
Clapping Larry
I actually think that there's an argument to say all the best episodes of Doctor Who are actually just one word titles like "Blink".

So maybe we should focus on one word titles like:

"Scream"

"Shadows"

"poo poo"

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Crowe posted:

This thread is still the best thread. Applewhite you did awesomely with the last bunch of titles I threw at you so here are some more:

The Ebola Dilemma


An attempt to cure the Ebola Virus with an experimental serum that will make the virus "too big to latch onto cells" accidentally results in the creation of giant viruses the size of dogs. They run rampant in downtown New York city. Worse, any living thing they sting explodes a few minutes later into more viruses!
The Doctor is caught on the horns of a dilemma when he learns the viruses may be developing the ability to communicate intelligently. Does he help wipe out a fledgling intelligence or does he risk the lives of innocent humans?
He opts to let the viruses live. Humanity is rewarded for its mercy because the newly rational giant viruses are still able to communicate with the microscopic version, and they convince all the ebola everywhere to leave the Earth and settle on a distant planet.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
This one literally came to me in a dream:

Goldfish: Scientists on present day (2014) Earth have invented a new kind of magnet that attracts gold! It promises to revolutionize the mining industry because all they have to do is run these magnets over the dirt and gold pops up out of the ground!
Unfortunately, the test run of an industrial-size version of the gold magnet disturbs an ancient race of "gold fish:" titanic creatures made of pure gold that swim around in the liquid mantle like fish swim in the ocean. It turns out that all the gold humans mine comes from these gold fish, who float up to the "surface" when they die and their gold corpses are absorbed into the crust.
Anyway the machine disturbs them and they go on a rampage, erupting from the ground and spitting lava at people. The scientists shut the machine down but the creatures are not placated. Seismic monitors indicate they're headed for a major city!
"If only we had a fishing lure," laments The Doctor's companion. "That's it!" cries The Doctor. He takes the gold-magnet on board the TARDIS and plunges down into the earth's core. The gold fish follow and he drops the device off there to be destroyed. The Scientists learn a valuable lesson about respecting nature.

Applewhite fucked around with this message at 20:15 on Dec 4, 2014

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Crowe posted:

Two and a Half Doctors

There's trouble afoot when The Doctor crosses his own timeline one and a half times! Now The 12th Doctor, the 11th Doctor and everything from the waist op of the 10th Doctor have to sort themselves out before disaster strikes. It turns out that by crossing his own path, The Doctor accidentally tied the timeline up in a half hitch, cutting off the flow of time energy to the future "like a tourniquet." They have less than an hour before the future withers and dies like a gangrenous limb! Worse still, the TARDIS is caught in the center of the knot and can move neither backwards nor forwards in time!
The 12th Doctor realizes that the reason why the 10th Doctor has only manifested from the waist up is because 10's legs are caught in the loop of the knot, stopping it from coming undone. By bombarding 10 with "viscous chronotons" they are able to make him slippery enough to pull free. The knot undoes itself and the normal flow of time is restored.
12 got the idea from watching Clara get her head caught between the stair bannisters and having to lube up with butter to get loose.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Crowe posted:


Planet of the Eunuchs


On a planet where everyone has been neutered, The Doctor and Clara enjoy some sexually non-threatening R&R at a local spa. There's just one problem: there's a monster on the loose! The Doctor, Clara and a vacationing couple are in a fight for their lives as the monster rampages around and kills people. It turns out that the eunuchs secretly steal the reproductive material of their guests and germinate them in tanks to keep their population up. This comes back to bite them in the rear end when they fertilize the ovum of an alien that spends the first half of its lifecycle as a ravenous monster before metamorphosing into a harmless looking humanoid. The Doctor figures it out and makes the vacationing couple realize that the monster is actually their baby. They stop the monster with the power of parental love and the Eunuchs get a good scolding on top of twenty of them being dead.
After The Doctor and Clara leave, the scene shifts to a bubbling tank where a fetus heavily implied to be the child of The Doctor and Clara is shown...

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Crowe posted:

The Hilarious Misunderstandings of Strax

The Doctor and Clara are solving mysteries in Victorian London again with the help of everyone's favorite lizard/scaley couple and their warrior manservant. The episode deals with a monster that lives in radiators and causes that radiator knocking sound as it moves around. Most of the episode is told from the perspective of Strax, who has comedic problems understanding even the basics of human anatomy and behavior! There are laughs aplenty as Strax mistakes Clara's undergarments for books, miscounts how many limbs she has and fails to understand that humans require oxygen to live. He also really wants to blow things up and kill people but the Lizard woman's no-nonsense attitude keeps him in line. The episode climaxes on top of a runaway steam engine because the steam monster got inside the boiler. Strax saves the day by accidentally blowing the engine up, which turns out to be the correct solution to the problem in spite of The Doctor's insistence to the contrary.

Howard Beale
Feb 22, 2001

It's like this, Peanut

Applewhite posted:

The Doctor and Clara are solving mysteries in Victorian London again with the help of everyone's favorite lizard/scaley couple and their warrior manservant. The episode deals with a monster that lives in radiators and causes that radiator knocking sound as it moves around. Most of the episode is told from the perspective of Strax, who has comedic problems understanding even the basics of human anatomy and behavior! There are laughs aplenty as Strax mistakes Clara's undergarments for books, miscounts how many limbs she has and fails to understand that humans require oxygen to live. He also really wants to blow things up and kill people but the Lizard woman's no-nonsense attitude keeps him in line. The episode climaxes on top of a runaway steam engine because the steam monster got inside the boiler. Strax saves the day by accidentally blowing the engine up, which turns out to be the correct solution to the problem in spite of The Doctor's insistence to the contrary.

Just hand over the keys already, Moffat.

AddMEonFacebook
Dec 3, 2012

by Cowcaster
Star Wars and The Doctor

This is a crossover with the Lucas brand for maximum advertising effect. I except the buzz over this one to be pretty huge on people's facebook feeds and stuff. The doctor proves there is no force, but the jedi and the sith and actually aliens of the same race that just happen to have telekinesis evloved into their genes, and they've been fighting each other on their home planet. The doctor invests a weapon that disables the telekinetic power, and they use it to defeat the siths, but also the jedi are susectible to the weapon, and their powers don't work anymore. You find out that it's way before humanity ever existed, and the telekinetic aliens evolve into humans, but lose those telekinetic powers because of the doctor's weapon, which is a nano-bot that chews up the genes for telekinesis. Also the death start blows up - definately a trailer bit, and lots of lightsaber battles - even the doctor upgrades his sonic screwdriver to have lightsaber powers, but later it breaks because that's really not his style. Those are the only special effects though. Most of the episode is actually dialogue.

AddMEonFacebook
Dec 3, 2012

by Cowcaster
Bond... DOCTOR?! Bond?

Another desperate crossover to get ratings. The doctor teams up with James Bond to stop a terrorist attack on present day London. After James is killed, it's up to the doctor to complete his mission. It turns out the terrorists are working for aliens. (warning: incredibly suspenseful cliffhangers may cause heart attacks in the elderly)

AddMEonFacebook fucked around with this message at 00:34 on Dec 5, 2014

AddMEonFacebook
Dec 3, 2012

by Cowcaster

Applewhite posted:

There's trouble afoot when The Doctor crosses his own timeline one and a half times! Now The 12th Doctor, the 11th Doctor and everything from the waist op of the 10th Doctor have to sort themselves out before disaster strikes. It turns out that by crossing his own path, The Doctor accidentally tied the timeline up in a half hitch, cutting off the flow of time energy to the future "like a tourniquet." They have less than an hour before the future withers and dies like a gangrenous limb! Worse still, the TARDIS is caught in the center of the knot and can move neither backwards nor forwards in time!
The 12th Doctor realizes that the reason why the 10th Doctor has only manifested from the waist up is because 10's legs are caught in the loop of the knot, stopping it from coming undone. By bombarding 10 with "viscous chronotons" they are able to make him slippery enough to pull free. The knot undoes itself and the normal flow of time is restored.
12 got the idea from watching Clara get her head caught between the stair bannisters and having to lube up with butter to get loose.

There is literally half a doctor instead of a kid.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

AddMEonFacebook posted:

There is literally half a doctor instead of a kid.

I'm not sure what else you were expecting :)

AddMEonFacebook
Dec 3, 2012

by Cowcaster

Applewhite posted:

I'm not sure what else you were expecting :)

I was hoping for a confusingly attractive young boy companion that the two doctors struggle over their sexual ethics with.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Crowe posted:

Time Can Be Rewritten, Except When It Can't

The episode starts in a flashback with a young Doctor attending Time Lord Academy. His instructor (played by Steven Fry) makes wry comments and plants the seeds of subversive thinking in his pupil. Meanwhile in the present, The Doctor is in a bit of a tight spot with the Daleks, who have captured him and Clara and are hooking them into a machine.
The Daleks know that Gallifrey and all the Time Lords are time locked in the Time War and that there is no way in or out. However, The Doctor is somehow exempt from the Time Lock, which means that there is a path back to Gallifrey through The Doctor's personal timeline. The Daleks have devised a machine that will use that connection to send a commando squad of Daleks back along the line to invade an unsuspecting Gallifrey at a time when it is vulnerable. The machine works, but not quite like the Daleks envisioned: The Doctor and Clara are pulled into the past as well!
Clara and the Doctor arrive on Gallifrey of the Doctor's youth but The Daleks are nowhere to be found. They must be around somewhere and the pair set off to warn the Time Lords of the danger. The Doctor is elated when he encounters his old mentor, and pretends to be his own cousin when introducing himself (though Fry is not fully convinced, he goes along with The Doctor's cover story). There's also a hint of sadness to The Doctor as well.
The Doctor and Fry share some laughs before The Doctor gets serious about the Dalek situation. Fry is skeptical but sure enough The Daleks turn up and start going on a rampage.
The Doctor, Fry and Clara are able to banish the Daleks by reversing the effect that brought them there in the first place, but not before Fry sustains a fatal wound, just as The Doctor remembers from his youth. The Doctor tries to save his beloved mentor, but Fry reminds him "some things are meant to happen. Some things make us who we are," before dying in The Doctor's arms. The Doctor and Clara don't even have time to mourn before snapping back into their proper time. Luckily, they appear outside their bonds and are able to flee to the TARDIS before the confused Daleks are able to give chase. The last shot is of The Doctor shedding a single tear.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

AddMEonFacebook posted:

Bond... DOCTOR?! Bond?

Another desperate crossover to get ratings. The doctor teams up with James Bond to stop a terrorist attack on present day London. After James is killed, it's up to the doctor to complete his mission. It turns out the terrorists are working for aliens. (warning: incredibly suspenseful cliffhangers may cause heart attacks in the elderly)

It would also be pretty cool if Bond were a Time Lord. What with him also being a British hero who has been portrayed by many actors over the years.

AddMEonFacebook
Dec 3, 2012

by Cowcaster

Applewhite posted:

It would also be pretty cool if Bond were a Time Lord. What with him also being a British hero who has been portrayed by many actors over the years.

He totally could be, but that could just be subtly hinted at. One thing I forget to mention is there are some really smoking hot girls in this episode. Some are aliens from planets not introduced until this episode.

Sandwich Anarchist
Sep 12, 2008
There is a ghost so the doctor looks into it but the ghost is an alien. When the doctor tries to find out what kind of alien it is he finds out is was actually a ghost from another dimension and then the tardis falls down a hole or something and the doctor wan early believes it's gone forever but the ghost brings it back and then the doctor gets sad about rose.

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AddMEonFacebook
Dec 3, 2012

by Cowcaster
Is it just me or do today's British actresses just seem needier?

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