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That is a wacky situation you got into HTB. "but it would most likely be within the next two or three years assuming we are still together at that point." So you effectively paid for your roommate to move cross country and you don't even foresee staying together based on the words you use... Man... That's funky. You should go open an EN thread. And get a marriage counselor NOW.
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Dec 3, 2014 20:29
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Complaining about a $4700 interest-free loan when you're about to get a >$12000 check is pretty uncomfortable to me.Blackjack2000 posted:$35k is barely half the median income in the Puget Sound area. https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=median+income+in+the+puget+sound+area&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8 quote:I do agree that he should shoulder more of the load for a little while because of the move, but I think if she ends up making a tiny salary and he has to pay 3/4 of the bills, he's going to start to resent it. quote:We've talked about marriage, and it is definitely in the cards at some point. I don't know when we're getting married, but it would most likely be within the next two or three years assuming we are still together at that point.
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Dec 3, 2014 20:35
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i like nice words
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Nail Rat posted:You're being a doormat and you really don't make enough money to take on all these expenses which benefit your girlfriend and her family as well. I'm guessing if you marry her she and her parents will insist on a big wedding and insist you pay for it(on credit, naturally, because you're making less than 100k and Amazon won't give you big raises for awhile after giving a hefty signing bonus). Seconded. Your decisions were not made in a vacuum, and neither were hers. Besides that, your expenses are not so monumentally high that someone who pulls in the mid-30ks couldn't reasonably be expected to contribute their half. $700 a month is a little steep on her end, but not undoable if you cover, say, the grocery bill. She's your girlfriend, not a matron, and frankly it would be more appropriately liberal-minded of her family to expect to contribute a proportional amount since it seems within their means to do so. Anne Whateley posted:Complaining about a $4700 interest-free loan when you're about to get a >$12000 check is pretty uncomfortable to me. Also this
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Dec 3, 2014 20:40
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Anne Whateley posted:Complaining about a $4700 interest-free loan when you're about to get a >$12000 check is pretty uncomfortable to me. I didn't quite understand that part. Did the $12k go to moving expenses along with the $4,700? So it cost $16,700 to move? That seems like an awful lot of money, even to break a lease and get setup in a new place.
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Dec 3, 2014 20:43
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Blackjack2000 posted:I didn't quite understand that part. Did the $12k go to moving expenses along with the $4,700? So it cost $16,700 to move? That seems like an awful lot of money, even to break a lease and get setup in a new place. The $12k went to: -Budgeting everyday expenses - $1000 buffer - $1097 to get out of old apartment - $1497 for new apartment - 1st month's rent, pet deposit, pet rent, parking fee, etc - $1600 to her parents - $1077 for credit card 1 repayment - $250 for credit card 2 repayment (both paid off in full) I have about $2400 left out of that $12,000. I have it all logged on my YNAB but I'm at work so I'm eyeballing the numbers here.
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Dec 3, 2014 20:47
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To be fair, I imagine the $12,000 amount is pre-tax.
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Dec 3, 2014 20:47
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Rick Rickshaw posted:To be fair, I imagine the $12,000 amount is pre-tax. Exactly. I actually received about $9600 net from both my salary and my bonus.
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Dec 3, 2014 20:50
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Not a Children posted:She's your girlfriend, not a matron, and frankly it would be more appropriately liberal-minded of her family to expect to contribute a proportional amount since it seems within their means to do so. i don't know if you're being facetious or deliberately dense, but quote:especially since by loaning us/me the money, they put themselves behind on their own goals for remodeling a house and some other things they had been trying to do. You expect them to further delay remodeling one of their houses so they can help their daughter not be a complete leech on her boyfriend while she has no job and lives in a high COL area? Are you Karl Marx, Jesus, and Ghandi all rolled into one or something?
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Dec 3, 2014 20:52
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Blackjack2000 posted:i don't know if you're being facetious or deliberately dense, but Okay, to be fair here, they only have one house, and her mother has a part time job making around $15,000. Her father is the main breadwinner and brings in just over $100,000 annually.
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Dec 3, 2014 20:54
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I mean, it was the most financially sound choice to use that money for credit cards and safety nets, but I would have paid back the girlfriend's parents first if it is going to reduce tension. Also, I live with a significant other and while our income disparity isn't as great, we split rent based on our income, so I pay $550 and he pays $650. We then split daily expenses 50/50ish. Your resentment toward your gf makes me think maybe you should consider getting your own place for a while before moving in with your lady. You should really be talking openly and working together as a team when it comes to finances. If it's you vs her, it's never going to work.
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Dec 3, 2014 20:56
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HonorableTB posted:The $12k went to: Uhh, so outside of the listed apartment expenses (~$2500) it was $4,700 to move two people + pets + stuff across the country? Do you own like 4 pianos or sent it all via air freight? That doesn't sound like a very BFC move to me.
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Dec 3, 2014 20:58
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HonorableTB posted:Okay, to be fair here, they only have one house, and her mother has a part time job making around $15,000. Her father is the main breadwinner and brings in just over $100,000 annually. Has she had a real job before? I ask because you mentioned she's gotten her Masters, but you didn't say whether she worked in her chosen field before moving out West. Maybe she's thinking her life should look a lot like her mom's. Not saying that's a bad thing, but it might be nice to know what you're getting into. Because it sounds like her parents think the way they do things should be the way you do things.
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Dec 3, 2014 21:02
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canyoneer posted:Uhh, so outside of the listed apartment expenses (~$2500) it was $4,700 to move two people + pets + stuff across the country? Do you own like 4 pianos or sent it all via air freight? That doesn't sound like a very BFC move to me. Yeah, I pretty much can't figure any of this out. Like, "$1,000 buffer" is not an expense. I looked up Uhaul rates and it looks like a 17' truck (which they claim should be enough for a 2 bedroom house) is $1,468 from Atlanta to Seattle. I know it would suck to drive the 39 hours, but for $3,000 savings, I'd probably tough it out. e: Fuel would be another $750. Still. Blackjack2000 fucked around with this message at 21:10 on Dec 3, 2014 |
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Dec 3, 2014 21:06
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Krispy Kareem posted:Has she had a real job before? I ask because you mentioned she's gotten her Masters, but you didn't say whether she worked in her chosen field before moving out West. She has had a job - she worked at Ernst & Young in Atlanta before we moved. She didn't have time to find a job since me taking Amazon's offer was dependent on me giving an answer very quickly, within two weeks of receiving the offer letter. We had just enough time to give two weeks notice to our respective jobs before moving. I'm not resentful towards her, not in the slightest. She HAS had a job, and she HAS paid her share of things in the past year that we've been living together. She has not once failed to pay for her share of the groceries or the rent or anything in the past. The only reason she hasn't been helping out with this is that she literally doesn't have a job right now. She's always been very good about paying for her part and before, I made $45,000 and she made $33,000, and despite the income disparity she still paid 50% of all shared expenses at a higher cost to her. This is why we've decided to split it more proportionally. canyoneer posted:Uhh, so outside of the listed apartment expenses (~$2500) it was $4,700 to move two people + pets + stuff across the country? Do you own like 4 pianos or sent it all via air freight? That doesn't sound like a very BFC move to me. Yes, it cost about that much. We had a pod that we filled to the brim, we hired movers to load it and to take furniture outside that we weren't bringing, there were plane tickets for her, pet fees for the airlines, car maintenance for me, gas and hotels for the four day drive across the country, food costs, and other assorted things. We only took my car, we sold hers and she has been living off of that cash since. No matter how BFC you want to be, moving across the country on short notice is not a cheap thing in the slightest, and we took the economical approach and decided it would be cheaper to scrounge furniture off of Craigslist when we moved rather than bringing anything. The only thing in that pod that isn't boxes of clothes and such is my bed, and I insisted on bringing that because I just got it a year ago and I really like it. Edit: A big part of the debt owed to her parents is that they paid for the immediate lease breaking fee (1 month's rent) at the old apartment, at $1407. I covered the rest of it, and that's a big chunk of what we owe to them. The second biggest expense is the pod. HonorableTB fucked around with this message at 21:12 on Dec 3, 2014 |
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Dec 3, 2014 21:10
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Rurutia posted:I'd argue that there's a lot of value to being able to listen to music or watch videos while in public so when the creepy dude keeps trying to talk to you, you can pretend your earphones are too loud. Duckman2008 posted:This debate will go round and round for forever. Some people can get by without it. ... 1GB data plan is usually only $5-10 more monthly, and a cheap, good android phone is $179. It's not a debate. Someone was asking specifically how to lower his own phone bill. Sure, some people need it, but as with the biking discussion, I think a lot more people could probably get by just fine without. Maybe that's the case for the person who specifically asked how to lower his phone bill? I use prepaid minutes and hardly ever make calls. When I bought $100 in minutes I got a $70 dumb phone for $20. Texts are pricey, but even if I send a lot of them, it's still cheaper than a smartphone voice plan. I use my old iPhone 3G on public or work wifi, and iMessage works just great for chatting with my wife. Somebody was asking how to lower a phone bill. This is how I do it. I have most benefits of the smartphone with none of the costs. Nobody needs to stream video on a bus. Really now. (Besides, more and more buses are starting to install wifi anyway. The "need" for data plan is diminishing in big cities.) If you want to keep your phone, whatever. If you offer to me reasons why you need it, I can offer you alternatives. When someone specifically asks how to lower, I'm going to offer my experience, which I have not once regretted.
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Dec 3, 2014 21:10
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Blackjack2000 posted:Yeah, I pretty much can't figure any of this out. Like, "$1,000 buffer" is not an expense.
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Dec 3, 2014 21:12
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Blackjack2000 posted:i don't know if you're being facetious or deliberately dense, but HonorableTB posted:Okay, to be fair here, they only have one house, and her mother has a part time job making around $15,000. Her father is the main breadwinner and brings in just over $100,000 annually.
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Dec 3, 2014 21:14
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HonorableTB posted:Okay, to be fair here, they only have one house, and her mother has a part time job making around $15,000. Her father is the main breadwinner and brings in just over $100,000 annually. $115k a year, old enough to have adult children, liquid assets small enough that they are unable to float a $5k loan without interrupting other projects. Trying to hoist more than equitable amounts of household expenses on you. This could be completely BFC reasonably, or these people have might some potential in this thread. Maybe there should be a goon lendingclub group for this kind of stuff, though. Goon vs Parents money problems is practically a motif of these forums.
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Dec 3, 2014 21:15
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I'm glad you like not having internet access, but most people aren't (shouldn't be) comfortable with posting on SA over office wifi or logging into anything on a public bus's wifi. Good luck.
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Dec 3, 2014 21:15
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HonorableTB posted:She has had a job - she worked at Ernst & Young in Atlanta before we moved. She didn't have time to find a job since me taking Amazon's offer was dependent on me giving an answer very quickly, within two weeks of receiving the offer letter. We had just enough time to give two weeks notice to our respective jobs before moving. Then honestly I'd just keep doing what you're doing. At the very least it makes a good impression on the future maybe potential inlaws. Still sounds odd, but there'll be a time when you look back and wish the worst thing your partner did was rope you into a 4k interest free loan.
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Dec 3, 2014 21:18
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THB - What's her degree in? Working at E&Y makes me think actg, and with a MA she should earn as much as you after a few years...
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Dec 3, 2014 21:25
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SiGmA_X posted:THB - What's her degree in? Working at E&Y makes me think actg, and with a MA she should earn as much as you after a few years... She was a developer in their Business Process Management division, so she did software development in an incredibly niche field. It's one of those niches where either you're going to be a millionaire at 30 or you're going to be starving in a box, sobbing to sleep every night. It all depends on how lucky you get, because the software she developed for costs a company $30,000,000 for a license so only the super big Fortune 500 companies can afford it.
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Dec 3, 2014 21:28
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A software developer in Seattle can't make more than $35k? I feel like we're just getting trolled at this point.
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Dec 3, 2014 21:34
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Based on her salary I thought you were going to say HR / office manager for Ernst & Young. What the heck! I do Business Process Management stuff (workflows, form development) and I make double her, in Atlantic Canada. I'm overpaid though, and work for the government. Rick Rickshaw fucked around with this message at 21:38 on Dec 3, 2014 |
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Dec 3, 2014 21:34
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HonorableTB posted:She was a developer in their Business Process Management division, so she did software development in an incredibly niche field. It's one of those niches where either you're going to be a millionaire at 30 or you're going to be starving in a box, sobbing to sleep every night. It all depends on how lucky you get, because the software she developed for costs a company $30,000,000 for a license so only the super big Fortune 500 companies can afford it. Speaking as someone who is stupidly overpaid as a sysadmin for stupidly expensive Fortune 500 only software, the developers of that software make a fair bit more than I do. Has she tried contracting agencies? They usually have nationwide hiring, especially if she's willing to travel for a few years until she gets all of her certs. Which software, if you don't mind saying?
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Dec 3, 2014 21:36
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HonorableTB posted:She was a developer in their Business Process Management division, so she did software development in an incredibly niche field. It's one of those niches where either you're going to be a millionaire at 30 or you're going to be starving in a box, sobbing to sleep every night. It all depends on how lucky you get, because the software she developed for costs a company $30,000,000 for a license so only the super big Fortune 500 companies can afford it. Get a counselor, sir. You guys need one. I see a lot of resentment coming through your posts, and it isn't healthy to live with that. Been there, done that. My gf and I have made great progress since sitting down with someone to help us through some things. (Now if only I could brainwash her (and hence us) to stay in the PNW long term vs move to San Diego...)
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Dec 3, 2014 21:38
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Crazy Mike posted:My wife and I are in the process of getting someone else to carry my child for a few thousand. If that doesn't work we are looking at IVF. Apparently it could cost us up to 25k to maybe have a child while all the poors we know are having multiple kids like magic. The wife and I found out early on that we're both carriers for a pretty terrible disease, and any kid we conceived naturally would have a 25% chance of getting it. Flip two coins, if they both come up tails, uh oh. We could do IVF and have them "screen" her eggs and select ones without the genes for the disease, but long story short it's like $14k per try, and rather than roll the dice on a $14k bet we decided to pay a little extra up front and adopt. I've never really cared about my genetics or lineage, so it wasn't a huge gut-punch or anything when we decided to adopt. [/derail] Inverse Icarus fucked around with this message at 21:44 on Dec 3, 2014 |
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Dec 3, 2014 21:40
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She was a developer, yes, but she doesn't want to do that anymore. She wants to get into humanitarian/social services work because she wants her job to actually help people instead of helping a corporation make profits. I don't necessarily agree with that, but then again I'm only in a job for the money and I don't really care what I do as long as I get a good paycheck at the end of it. If what she does makes her happy, more power to her, and it's great that that is her motivation. But it won't pay worth a drat.
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Dec 3, 2014 21:45
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Inverse Icarus posted:The wife and I found out early on that we're both carriers for a pretty terrible disease, and any kid we conceived naturally would have a 25% chance of getting it. Flip two coins, if they both come up tails, uh oh. We could do IVF and have them "screen" her eggs and select ones without the genes for the disease, but long story short it's like $14k per try, and rather than roll the dice on a $14k bet we decided to pay a little extra up front and adopt. You could always just do a cell-free DNA check to see if the fetus has that DNA. Pretty cheaply done nowadays I think. They just use the pregnant wife's DNA to check and see if the fetus has a specific sequence in its DNA and if it does that means there's a 25% (50%?) chance the fetus will have it. This next part is said pretty casually, and I understand it isnt: If the fetus has that DNA sequence, abort and try again. The fetus having that DNA sequence doesn't guarantee that it will have the disease, but there's a percent chance and that's usually enough. It's how one of my friends conceived when they had a pretty nasty disease in the bloodline too.
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Dec 3, 2014 22:01
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HonorableTB posted:She was a developer, yes, but she doesn't want to do that anymore. She wants to get into humanitarian/social services work because she wants her job to actually help people instead of helping a corporation make profits. I don't necessarily agree with that, but then again I'm only in a job for the money and I don't really care what I do as long as I get a good paycheck at the end of it. If what she does makes her happy, more power to her, and it's great that that is her motivation. But it won't pay worth a drat. Wow, that's awfully nice of you to cover her expenses so she can follow her dreams while you're stuck working for the money. The more I hear about this, the less I think she's treating you like a partner instead of a resource to be consumed. Throw my voice in with the "couples counselling" crowd. Which, for point of reference, I don't think I've ever recommended before on these forums.
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Dec 3, 2014 22:02
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Folly posted:Wow, that's awfully nice of you to cover her expenses so she can follow her dreams while you're stuck working for the money. The more I hear about this, the less I think she's treating you like a partner instead of a resource to be consumed. Throw my voice in with the "couples counselling" crowd. Which, for point of reference, I don't think I've ever recommended before on these forums. The response I got when I questioned the wisdom of that is "So I'm just supposed to be stuck hating my job every day just so I can make enough money? Why can't I make enough money and also love my job like you do?" and then she got very angry at the injustice of it all. I told her that life isn't fair and to deal with the reality. And to be fair, I do love my job, it just happens that it comes with a decent living attached to it. Not everyone can be fortunate enough to have a life interest in something that is also lucrative. My first choice was going to be in teaching history, and I 180'd on that when I realized that there was no chance in hell of me ever getting out of poverty by teaching, so I turned to another lifelong interest of mine, and it happened to be in technology.
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Dec 3, 2014 22:09
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It's almost as if there are nonprofit or governmental organizations that might be able to to utilize a developer's skills. Before jumping ship from a potentially well-compensated field, she should maybe look into working for organizations that she approves of rather than switching over entirely, especially if she is willing to be paid less than a 'typical' developer salary. As a married person currently switching career paths, I recommend you get couple's counseling too.
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Dec 3, 2014 22:11
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HonorableTB posted:She was a developer, yes, but she doesn't want to do that anymore. She wants to get into humanitarian/social services work because she wants her job to actually help people instead of helping a corporation make profits. I don't necessarily agree with that, but then again I'm only in a job for the money and I don't really care what I do as long as I get a good paycheck at the end of it. If what she does makes her happy, more power to her, and it's great that that is her motivation. But it won't pay worth a drat. I'd recommend that she does some sort of job shadow in the industry before deciding that this is what she wants to do. Maybe she'll love the work, maybe she won't. I find that people have huge misconceptions about what's involved when working in Social Services. It's also one of the first government departments to get cut whenever the public sector budget gets slashed. And if she does decide to work in Social Services, you better get used to being the breadwinner for as long as you're together because that's how it's going to go.
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Dec 3, 2014 22:18
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I really wish this thread would get back to people we can all agree are bad with money. This is boring and petty, let's talk about this guy who hasn't paid his car payment since September, or was it August? Or his insurance, or his phone. http://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/2o4v5u/about_to_lose_my_car_due_to_bad_luck_and_poor/
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Dec 3, 2014 22:21
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melon cat posted:Just a small aside about working in the social service- Social Workers (assuming that's what she wants to do, and it sounds like she does) never make a decent amount of money. They do the work because of their clients. Now, with that said- Social Work is incredibly stressful and emotionally-exhausting. One day, you're dealing with abused children. The next day, the mentally ill. The next day, mentally-ill abused children. It's very rewarding work, but it sure as heck isn't easy. Being the breadwinner doesn't bother me. I would just like for her to be contributing something, and she has been very good about that in the past. Being the primary income earner doesn't bother me as long as she is also bringing in a little bit - the only thing I have a problem with is having to 100% support someone else that isn't a child. I don't foresee having to 100% support her because she's always had a job as long as I've known her. Edit: Let's wear the Magic Underwear and get back to talking about dumb people from Reddit
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Dec 3, 2014 22:22
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HonorableTB posted:The response I got when I questioned the wisdom of that is "So I'm just supposed to be stuck hating my job every day just so I can make enough money? Why can't I make enough money and also love my job like you do?" and then she got very angry at the injustice of it all. It sounds like you think she should compromise her mental/emotional health in favour of her financial health. Whereas many people (I don't know where your gf falls here) think that trading material wealth for a more emotionally satisfying life is the way to go. You are lucky that you say you don't have to compromise either, but it that you're not willing to make any sacrifices to help her be happy. If you have kids and she stays at home, would she still have to work to pay her half while you pad your personal retirement fund? Like, I don't know you and your gf may want to live the high life on your dime while volunteering at the local equine trauma treatment center, but right now you sound a lot more like roommates than partners.
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Dec 3, 2014 22:29
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Folly posted:$115k a year, old enough to have adult children, liquid assets small enough that they are unable to float a $5k loan without interrupting other projects. Trying to hoist more than equitable amounts of household expenses on you. This could be completely BFC reasonably, or these people have might some potential in this thread. If they can't float a small loan without bitching about it they shouldn't be lending the money in the first place. The parents are showing signs of bad with money though. Clear the debt with them but you need to talk to your gf about financial planning. The majority of couples I know believe in pulling their weight financially rather than taking off on a dream (which is just unemployment at this point). I have a lot of friends who are working on their dreams and have a good 10 years of making hardly any money. However they're all broke and most have debts. Potential long term financial issues put considerable strain on relationships.
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Dec 3, 2014 22:37
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Leave your job to do what you really love, teaching history.
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Dec 3, 2014 22:45
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HonorableTB posted:The response I got when I questioned the wisdom of that is "So I'm just supposed to be stuck hating my job every day just so I can make enough money? Why can't I make enough money and also love my job like you do?" and then she got very angry at the injustice of it all. Seems like the ideal solution would be for her to get a software dev gig for a couple years until she burns out. The higher earning potential could very well add up to a couple hundred grand extra in savings over a few years, which would make it a hell of a lot easier to follow her dreams.
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Dec 3, 2014 23:03
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Geez could HonorableMold and his detractors please
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Dec 3, 2014 23:31
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