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Woolie Wool posted:According to the wiki Luke Skywalker is still doing adventure stuff at age 64. He should be full-time in a zimmer frame by now. I know a 74 year old who still fishes commercially, hunts and I'm not sure if he bow hunting any more, but still he's a pretty drat spry old man. It's an exception but there are some pretty active geriatrics out there.
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Dec 4, 2014 16:15
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Blistex posted:Did the emperor give her a Sith yeast infection? It was a Vong yeast infection. Somehow a genetically engineered bio-weapon virus makes her mope about her uterus instead of hemorrhaging her entire blood volume through every orifice and dying horrifically, and then causing the same to happen to everyone she had met in the past six months.
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Dec 4, 2014 16:28
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Mr.Pibbleton posted:I know a 74 year old who still fishes commercially, hunts and I'm not sure if he bow hunting any more, but still he's a pretty drat spry old man. It's an exception but there are some pretty active geriatrics out there. My dad is 69 and just biked 100 kms a few weekends before. It was -2 C out and he was on a mountain bike. He still keeps me at a good pace when we bike together even though I'm more then half his age. He's retired and just walks the dog, bikes, and eats healthy. Probably break a hip one day though, just how I hope luke goes out. big dig fucked around with this message at 17:30 on Dec 4, 2014 |
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Dec 4, 2014 16:41
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Aesop Poprock posted:Haha wtf Oh yeah, that's real. It's in the last Legacy of the Force book, Invincible. After turning into Darth stupidname, Jacen Solo convinces Tahiri Veila to join him by giving her Force Fantasy sex with Anakin Solo just before he died. She captures Ben Skywalker and his friend Lon Shevu, and proceeds to strip him to his underwear, wear a leather dominatrix outfit, and start jerking the 14 year old off. And then torturing his Lon in front of him after sexual assault fails to convince Ben to turn evil. This is also the same book where the Alliance decided to let Admiral Crazypants Daala run the whole galaxy. And Jacen dies after getting gutted with a space machete, dumped into a bin full of used syringes, and falls into a Star Destroyer's incinerator.
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Dec 5, 2014 00:52
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Woolie Wool posted:Mara Jade literally spends most of her time in Vector Prime moping about her infected uterus. a hallmark of a strong female character Arcsquad12 posted:Oh yeah, that's real. It's in the last Legacy of the Force book, Invincible. After turning into Darth stupidname, Jacen Solo convinces Tahiri Veila to join him by giving her Force Fantasy sex with Anakin Solo just before he died. She captures Ben Skywalker and his friend Lon Shevu, and proceeds to strip him to his underwear, wear a leather dominatrix outfit, and start jerking the 14 year old off. And then torturing his Lon in front of him after sexual assault fails to convince Ben to turn evil. ok is that book so bad it's a hilarious slow-mo car crash or is it just bad
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Dec 5, 2014 00:55
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I CANNOT EJACULATE WITHOUT SEEING NATIVE AMERICANS BRUTALISED!
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Woolie Wool posted:E: the galaxy is Somalia and the New Republic is the Transitional Federal Government. Actually, the Jedi-led New Republic would be more like the Islamic Courts Union and the Empire is the Transitional Federal Government.
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Dec 5, 2014 01:36
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Also Mara Jade was infected by an alien bioweapon uterus disease and is somehow later able to carry a child to term.  Young Freud posted:Actually, the Jedi-led New Republic would be more like the Islamic Courts Union and the Empire is the Transitional Federal Government. The Yuuzhan Vong are the United Nations.
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Dec 5, 2014 01:37
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I know this is the expanded universe thread, but is it ok to post alternative expanded universe stuff?
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Dec 5, 2014 03:44
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Mr.Pibbleton posted:I know this is the expanded universe thread, but is it ok to post alternative expanded universe stuff? Yes you can go post it to any fan fiction site
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Dec 5, 2014 04:04
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blowfish posted:a hallmark of a strong female character Depends on how much enjoyment you can glean from two authors having an edit war appear as printed novels. Troy Denning and Karen Traviss hate each other, and spent half the time in their novels trying to contradict and kill off each others characters. Denning decided to curtail Traviss's Mandalorian storyline by shooting a Boba Fett and Clone killing nanovirus at Mandalore, essentially killing off all her characters from the Republic Commando series. Traviss did a one eighty and wrote "nuh-uh! No nanovirus could ever be that specific!" in her very next book. Denning also treats the Mandalorians like goons who get outshot by loving Stormtroopers, and he has inexperienced maniac Jedi teenagers force push their hands through Mandalorian chests like they're loving Terminators. Denning loves to write Jedi as unkillable demigods who can literally pull force powers out of their rear end, like Luke projecting a hologram of himself over Jaina, tracking people across the galaxy using bloodstains, and using the force to blow apart pressure points on solid objects (in essence, taking the concept of Shatterpoint literally, instead of the more esoteric idea presented in the Mace Windu Novel) The fact that any of this actually made it into the books just shows you how bad the editing and content control at LFL was. Who in their right mind would allow forum flame wars to be published? Arc Hammer fucked around with this message at 06:48 on Dec 5, 2014 |
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Dec 5, 2014 06:46
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Woolie Wool posted:It was in the Silmarillion, I no longer have the book (ruined when the roof of my garage leaked) but since it's about the Númenoreans bragging about their abilities at the height of their power it's likely in the Akalabeth chapter or slightly before, near the end of the book. good grfief it is posts like this that make me wish i was IK again
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Dec 5, 2014 06:50
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TOILETLORD posted:wait i'm just checking everyone knows i made that poo poo up about vader right? The EU is so dumb that poo poo sounded plausible. Oh okay, I did not know you were making it up. It's not like it would be the first time Lucas had retroactively ruined something cool from the original trilogy.
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Dec 5, 2014 07:10
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Woolie Wool posted:They even gave his half-assed sub-Star-Trek-grade alien makeup a backstory too. In typical unimaginative EU fashion, since the one from the movies is a drug dealer, they're an entire species of drug dealers: There are like two degrees of separation, tops, from anybody historically significant in the entire galaxy. Everybody is friends of a friend of Luke Skywalker. And what a strange, costly bit of waffling with that antennae. quote:Elan Sel'sabagno was portrayed by Matt Doran. Although Sel'sabagno has ears in production photos, ILM ultimately removed them and replaced them with antennapalps for the film because they considered it redundant for a character to have both antennae and ears. However, these ears were retconned back into canon in Star Wars: Attack of the Clones: The Visual Dictionary. Also those slythmongers are terrible marketers; "Death Sticks" don't sound very appealing. That's like calling crystal meth "tooth rotters" or heroin "AIDS juice".
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Dec 5, 2014 07:29
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Arcsquad12 posted:and using the force to blow apart pressure points on solid objects (in essence, taking the concept of Shatterpoint literally, instead of the more esoteric idea presented in the Mace Windu Novel) 
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Dec 5, 2014 07:39
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Moridin920 posted:
Too be fair, they did do that, just not often and never when they needed to.
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Dec 5, 2014 07:41
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a starwar betamax posted:good grfief it is posts like this that make me wish i was IK again well we can still give him a swirlie. if youre deown with that
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Dec 5, 2014 07:42
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Wait, after the sale to Disney, have they literally stopped writing the former "EU" book series? Cause if so then the entire Star Wars EU canon ends with a book by Troy Denning, and I can't think of anything more apt then that.
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Dec 5, 2014 08:46
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pentyne posted:Wait, after the sale to Disney, have they literally stopped writing the former "EU" book series? All EU from before the purchase is gone and will no longer be considered during future writing, which is good and smart. They will still be producing EU content but there will likely be very little of it besides that Rebels show until the new film is out.
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Dec 5, 2014 08:54
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dog buttz posted:Too be fair, they did do that, just not often and never when they needed to. yeah now that you mention that I do remember them doing poo poo like that occasionally which arguably makes it worse! "hey Jedi Dickhead over there figured out how to hurt these fucks with the Force just hyperaccelerate rocks into their eyes." "nah gently caress that bro fight them with the lightsaber and get killed like the others" meanwhile in some other book an emperor clone casts force storm and annihilates an entire Republic/Rebel fleet or some poo poo
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Dec 5, 2014 08:56
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Improbable Lobster posted:All EU from before the purchase is gone and will no longer be considered during future writing, which is good and smart. Yeah, no I meant the book series that keep moving the timeline forward. Think the last one ended 44 ABY. It looks like the next book series in line to be written was summarily cancelled by the LucasArts sale. Disney must know they can make easy money by just letting the writers work in a fictional non-canon SW universe. Just look at how much money the hundreds of non-canon Star Trek novels make.
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Dec 5, 2014 09:14
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Moridin920 posted:yeah now that you mention that I do remember them doing poo poo like that occasionally And then there's the Crystal Star where they go the complete opposite path where Luke is suddenly powerless and a total pussy and sucks more than he even did when he first showed up in ANH
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Dec 5, 2014 09:14
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Moridin920 posted:yeah now that you mention that I do remember them doing poo poo like that occasionally doesnt luke skywalker learn to manipulate black holes or somesuch stupid poo poo
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Dec 5, 2014 09:20
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Arcsquad12 posted:Depends on how much enjoyment you can glean from two authors having an edit war appear as printed novels. Troy Denning and Karen Traviss hate each other, and spent half the time in their novels trying to contradict and kill off each others characters. Denning decided to curtail Traviss's Mandalorian storyline by shooting a Boba Fett and Clone killing nanovirus at Mandalore, essentially killing off all her characters from the Republic Commando series. Traviss did a one eighty and wrote "nuh-uh! No nanovirus could ever be that specific!" in her very next book.  good griefthe star wars eu: literally worse than fanfiction dot net
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Dec 5, 2014 09:21
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pentyne posted:Yeah, no I meant the book series that keep moving the timeline forward. Think the last one ended 44 ABY. It looks like the next book series in line to be written was summarily cancelled by the LucasArts sale. Disney must know they can make easy money by just letting the writers work in a fictional non-canon SW universe. Just look at how much money the hundreds of non-canon Star Trek novels make. I'm pretty sure that all the EU stuff from now on will be fully canon.
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Dec 5, 2014 09:21
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The Monkey Man posted:I'm pretty sure that all the EU stuff from now on will be fully canon. Giving what Denning inflicted on the franchise in the last big series and his final book, it can only get better.
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Dec 5, 2014 09:29
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Star Trek novels are entertaining pulp reads at worse. Star Wars is serious business with novel ways to rape, torture or otherwise mind gently caress people in every gratuitous ways.
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Dec 5, 2014 09:30
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oohhboy posted:Star Trek novels are entertaining pulp reads at worse. Star Wars is serious business with novel ways to rape, torture or otherwise mind gently caress people in every gratuitous ways. I actually had a moment of sadness when I realized that a book series I read for close to a decade following the adventures of my favorite characters had ended. Then I looked up reviews of fate of the jedi and Crucible and realized that I had stopped reading right at the point where the entire EU became the worst. I stopped reading during the bug sex orgy books back in 2004/5, and one day I'll probably just get the e-books and skim through the entire EU series up to the "end" for the hell of it.
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Dec 5, 2014 09:36
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the death sticks sleazebaggo thing reminds me that the absolute worst thing in all of star wars was the loving 50's diner
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Dec 5, 2014 10:00
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Howard Beale posted:the death sticks sleazebaggo thing reminds me that the absolute worst thing in all of star wars was the loving 50's diner
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Dec 5, 2014 10:27
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i'll never figure out in my lifetime why george lucas felt this was essential to return of the jedi jedi is already suffering from a lot of dumb stuff and this was the scene he needed to add, it boggles my mind
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Dec 5, 2014 14:28
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blowfish posted:
Keep in mind that both authors on their own are poo poo-dispensing Sampos (Sampoes?) Karen might have gotten some points in grasping that fans were tired of the EU jerking off the Jedi at every turn, but she loses them by jerking off the Mandolorians (I'm sorry, MANDOS) just as vigorously. Plus she takes professed glee in completely misinterpreting major characters. That might be okay if it's for a one-off book, but not in a serial with a professed continuity. And she handles professional criticism in the same manner as a meatball football fan being told in mid August that their team might not be good. As for Troy Denning, he's the author that came up with "Bug Orgies". The less said about that, the better.
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Dec 5, 2014 15:18
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My favorite EU fan divide is people who think iron knights are awesome/retarded. I'm going with retarded.
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Dec 5, 2014 15:25
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a starwar betamax posted:good grfief it is posts like this that make me wish i was IK again You suck at being a FYAD poster, try harder in FYAD. SirPhoebos posted:"Bug Orgies". You don't mean that literally, do you? So the Star Wars EU has pedophilia and bestiality now?
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Dec 5, 2014 15:47
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Arcsquad12 posted:Depends on how much enjoyment you can glean from two authors having an edit war appear as printed novels. Troy Denning and Karen Traviss hate each other, and spent half the time in their novels trying to contradict and kill off each others characters. Denning decided to curtail Traviss's Mandalorian storyline by shooting a Boba Fett and Clone killing nanovirus at Mandalore, essentially killing off all her characters from the Republic Commando series. Traviss did a one eighty and wrote "nuh-uh! No nanovirus could ever be that specific!" in her very next book. I rolled my eyes IRL when Anakin Solo oozed Force energy when he died fighting the Vong.
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Dec 5, 2014 16:08
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Woolie Wool posted:
Now? 
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Dec 5, 2014 16:11
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Woolie Wool posted:You don't mean that literally, do you? So the Star Wars EU has pedophilia and bestiality now?  Han Solo hosed one of those things.
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Dec 5, 2014 16:16
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Sammus posted:
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Dec 5, 2014 16:17
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Dec 5, 2014 16:24
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looks like anakin got some plastic surgery to fix his face for his imaginary waifu.
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Dec 5, 2014 16:25
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I still wish it had of been James Earl Jones in the suit for the last scene.
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Dec 5, 2014 16:30
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