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keyvin posted:I've always been in a relationship, but I've always been more into porn and my own fantasies. When I had sex, it was to please my partner. How pleasing could it possibly be to know that your partner is kind of soft during sex with you though. During sex I have had to focus on fantasies and strain to cum. I decided I wanted to fix it. I came clean to my partner, I apologized, and I told her the depth of my kink. It wasn't a complete surprise because I told her I had it early on in our relationship. She didn't ask any questions about it so I thought she just didn't want to know. So if you always had sex for someone else's pleasure, that's it right there, you aren't comfortable having sex for your pleasure. Getting rid of porn, at least temporarily, is a good first step, but realize for years you've never treated sex as something to do for your own satisfaction; even now, you're talking about sex in terms of what she likes. What do you like, what kinks do you want to explore, what positions do you like best? You're approaching this from a very behavior-oriented place, where you're looking to change what you do in order to change how you feel, and that's helpful don't get me wrong, but you should also be doing some introspection to find out how sex can change to meet your needs and what place you want it to have in your life. It would also probably help to ask why you feel the need to climax every time during sex. You don't have to, and you can just wake her up, have sex for however long is comfortable, and call it there. It will still be fun for both of you, and you can either finish yourself off, or have sex again later. There's no requirement that sex has to end with orgasm, and taking that pressure off yourself will probably ironically help you get into the moment and cum more quickly. Second question, that's pretty normal. Few relationships have two people who are equally in charge making an equal number of decisions. In broad strokes, most have one partner that is more comfortable making the everyday decisions, and the other who finds it more comfortable to not have to worry about them. I don't really have any book recommendation or revelation as to why you feel this way, I just want to point out it's a normal way to feel.
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Dec 22, 2014 22:32
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Yeah, the Mona 2 is probably the best workhorse insertable vibe on the market, and it works just fine externally too. You're in good hands with the others on the emotional stuff so I'll just say that yeah, that is a toy that will treat you right. Do get familiar with it both on yourself and with your husband; it's ergonomic enough that I don't see why you couldn't use it during sex for clitoral stimulation, too. Learn your way around it and it should do you well.
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Dec 22, 2014 22:55
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Captain Log posted:Sure, a little freaky porn star sex is fun every now and then but I don't really get what makes it so desirable. I've always thought a partner's pleasure is a lot more of a turn on than anything else but gently caress, what do I know. So uh, like most other forms of video media, it's about creating a fantasy, potentially escapism. The people I know that really don't care for porn (nothing politically correlated I can tell) just can't get into the escapism and in my experience tend to dislike / not give a gently caress about video games or other escapist forms of entertainment and recreation. anaaki posted:I was also diagnosed with ADHD-I last year so I am working on maintaining focus during sex and not "hmmm... I need to get those cobwebs off the ceiling. I really need a new light fixture." 
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Dec 22, 2014 23:33
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hoobajoo posted:So if you always had sex for someone else's pleasure, that's it right there, you aren't comfortable having sex for your pleasure. Getting rid of porn, at least temporarily, is a good first step, but realize for years you've never treated sex as something to do for your own satisfaction; even now, you're talking about sex in terms of what she likes. What do you like, what kinks do you want to explore, what positions do you like best? You're approaching this from a very behavior-oriented place, where you're looking to change what you do in order to change how you feel, and that's helpful don't get me wrong, but you should also be doing some introspection to find out how sex can change to meet your needs and what place you want it to have in your life. It would also probably help to ask why you feel the need to climax every time during sex. You don't have to, and you can just wake her up, have sex for however long is comfortable, and call it there. It will still be fun for both of you, and you can either finish yourself off, or have sex again later. There's no requirement that sex has to end with orgasm, and taking that pressure off yourself will probably ironically help you get into the moment and cum more quickly. Before I even read this, I had talked with my fiance about this. If I didn't cum when having see with my ex wife, she thought it was her. I wanted her to feel good, so I felt like I had to. I also learned a valuable lesson. If both of your ears are scarlet, it is a bad time to go for a walk. The magic won't be there when you get back.
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Dec 23, 2014 05:14
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I'm really glad I started hanging around this thread. My one really long, committed relationship was towards the end of college and my early 20's. Without sounding sexist or anything, my ex was really God damned hot in every sense of the word. She had a super high, kinky sex drive and I didn't. My budding alcoholism and depression/anxiety issues were only just beginning. I'd watched porn since a very young age but the only stuff that ever did anything for me was really POV/amateur/realistic types of stuff. None of my friends, especially at the time, could understand why I could have this incredible, sexy, attractive girlfriend sometimes beg me to let her give me oral sex and I literally couldn't bring myself to get into it. Other times, I was like any young guy and could perform to everyones satisfaction. But other times, I could have sex for hours and while I really enjoyed it, never came. She thought it meant I thought there was something wrong with her, tears ensued, yadda yadda yadda. Years passed, more sexual encounters came and went, and I got to the point where I never climaxed. My interest in porn is almost non existent and I tend to only enjoy stuff really focused on fun, mutual pleasure or hand jobs. (what can I say, I like a good hand job.) It's a pain too because I started to feel so broken I even pursued some sexual experiences for cash solely to try and find out what the gently caress was wrong. Not proud of it and it didn't get me any answers. After hearing about some similar hang ups in this thread and coming to realize in the past year of my life where I got completely sober and started aggressively pursuing some treatment for my diagnosed mental problems (severe depression, agoraphobia, anxiety issues, some OCD unwanted thought type poo poo) that I really just need to find the right partner. But being thirty and trying to find this partner isn't really as easy as I hoped. My tendency towards my significant others of, "I just want to see you turn red, scream, and come as hard as you can" has done me favors in the past. So I just hope I can find someone who understands where I'm at of feeling God damned broken. I have days where I feel like getting off, even use toys, and get no where. It sucks. Moral of the story, don't get brought up in a severely Christian fundy conservative household on one side of your divorced at five family. It FUCKS your brain up and makes you feel like your mother and extended family ruined your sexuality and a large part of what is supposed to be enjoyable. Well, here's to the future. Onwards and upwards. If I can conquer alcoholism (for the time at least) and get over my mental hang ups without medication so far, I'm sure I can get there. Thanks for listening to my little e/n breakdown. I just wish I came here earlier.
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Dec 23, 2014 08:10
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Captain Log posted:I just wish I came Sorry. Harder to pass up than a blow job.
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Dec 23, 2014 09:25
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Captain Log posted:Without sounding sexist or anything, my ex was really God damned hot in every sense of the word. You are forgiven for finding your girlfriend attractive.
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Dec 23, 2014 13:58
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Captain Log posted:Moral of the story, don't get brought up in a severely Christian fundy conservative household on one side of your divorced at five family. It FUCKS your brain up Can other goons share their experiences with this sort of thing? I was raised by Good People™ and have fairly healthy attitudes towards sex, but I've had, I guess you could say, awkwardness, with people who, because of their upbringing, had vastly differing senses of sex and sexuality. I'm curious to hear how others deal/have dealt with that clash of worlds.
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Dec 23, 2014 14:07
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keyvin posted:I came clean to my partner, I apologized, and I told her the depth of my kink. It wasn't a complete surprise because I told her I had it early on in our relationship. She didn't ask any questions about it so I thought she just didn't want to know. You might try investing in a cock ring, should help with fuller/longer lasting erections. Something adjustable (via a toggle) and made of surgical tubing would be a good start and can be bought pretty cheaply. Certainly don't start out with anything rigid. With regard to your second question, it sounds like you're a lifestyle (i.e. outside of the bedroom) submissive, which can be an emotional and/or sexual thing. Nothing weird about that. If I'm going to be an armchair psychologist, possibly it has something to do with your having sex only for your partner's enjoyment.
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Dec 23, 2014 15:53
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WreckSov posted:Can other goons share their experiences with this sort of thing? I was raised by Good People™ and have fairly healthy attitudes towards sex, but I've had, I guess you could say, awkwardness, with people who, because of their upbringing, had vastly differing senses of sex and sexuality. I'm curious to hear how others deal/have dealt with that clash of worlds. In my experience as someone in experiences with individuals who have strong religious ideas about sex passed on to them and some association with it and shame (helloooooooooo Catholicism), I think that person's first few sexual encounters and partners can have an enormous impact. If the first experiences are exploitative, tawdry or unpleasant a sort of unpleasant confirmation bias can be triggered and is hard to overcome. It's important for it not to be made into something that you have to feel guilty about.
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Dec 23, 2014 16:01
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I think I have had hypogonadism for a very, very long time. I matured on the outside a little late, apart from my shoulders. Body hair, etc. Even with my kinks I just never had the level of arousal my friends described. I've been on replacement now for a year. Its gotten a lot better. I will try the cock ring. Interestingly, after talking to my fiance about this she said she was so interested in me long term because I was so emotionally femenine. As far as damaging attitudes, I was raised catholic. Sex was for procreation only. I didn't even realize my girlfriend wanted me to touch her sexually until she asked why I hadn't. Probably one of the reasons I'm old and never learned how to enjoy sex myself.
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Dec 23, 2014 21:25
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I was raised in a non-religious family, but disability and depression hosed me up. My parents are nice people, but my mother did not like talking about sex. (Yet, my parents watch Game of Thrones, so I guess sex is okay if it's on television?) Because of that, I grew up thinking that even masturbation was dirty and wrong. I still don't like doing it, because I feel gross and wrong. Part of it's disability, part of it stems from my mother's attitude towards sex.
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Dec 23, 2014 22:35
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I was raised to regard sex as something married people do and there was no need for me to know anything further about it, I wasn't allowed to wear pants or shortish skirts or anything that showed off my figure and when I started going with my first (and so far only) boyfriend I was subject to terrible interrogations and harassment over being out late and what I was doing. I have awesome enjoyable sex with my boyfriend and am able to get off in a variety of ways. 
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Dec 24, 2014 12:19
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Looking for some vibrator suggestions for my GF. We bought this one: http://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/vibrators/rabbit-vibrators/sp-wild-g-spot-vibrator-11417.aspx but it mostly just makes her mad because it is almost but not quite enough (she is an extremely tough customer when it comes to coming). Primary complaint is that she likes the penetrative part but the clitoral part is not positioned correctly and is too weak and "buzzy". Also it's quite noisy which she doesn't like. What's something that has more of a low frequency oomph? More of a powerful rumble than a buzz. She masturbates most effectively by kinda moving her finger from side to side over the clitoral hood, so we're looking for the closest mechanical analogue to this... Not very specific, I know, but there's just so much out there I'd appreciate any suggestions.
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Dec 26, 2014 04:42
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It's really hard to recommend rabbits because they're extremely anatomy dependent and they're often made of materials that are pourous at best and jelly at worst. Either way for a rumbly vibe you want something with an internal rechargeable battery. If she's dead-set on a rabbit I'd suggest a Lelo Ina 2, but I would personally recommend a combo of the Lelo Mona 2 (insertable) and a We-Vibe Tango (bullet). If you had to go with just one-- and I masturbate in a similar way to her-- I'd go with the Tango. It's gonna be spendy; a good rumbly motor is not, I am afraid, cheap. neongrey fucked around with this message at 05:55 on Dec 26, 2014 |
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Dec 26, 2014 05:53
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If you are helping her while she does this, why not a separate vaginal and clitoral vibrator. A waterproof dildo vibe with a magic wand has been a killer combo for my partners. Much easier on your wrist than using your fingers. A dimmer on the magic wand helps to find just the right oomph if it is too strong.
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Dec 26, 2014 06:18
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Honestly, no one should get hung up on the use of a toy by their partner, some women get off penetrative, some clitoral. If you can make your penis vibrate, hats off to you, but I certainly haven't figured out how. A lot of men like their balls touched, but I could never in a million years get off that way.
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Dec 26, 2014 14:19
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Has anyone had sex with young dogs in the house? Me and my partner have basically shut down worrying about waking up the puppy.
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Dec 26, 2014 15:29
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keyvin posted:If you are helping her while she does this, why not a separate vaginal and clitoral vibrator. A waterproof dildo vibe with a magic wand has been a killer combo for my partners. Much easier on your wrist than using your fingers. If she needs rumbly the magic wand isn't going to give that to her. Whatever its virtues, it's an incredibly buzzy vibration.
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Dec 26, 2014 15:45
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Old Man Pants posted:Honestly, no one should get hung up on the use of a toy by their partner, some women get off penetrative, some clitoral. If you can make your penis vibrate, hats off to you, but I certainly haven't figured out how. A lot of men like their balls touched, but I could never in a million years get off that way. http://www.amazon.com/Vibrating-Replaceable-Battery-Assorted-Colors/dp/B001FVJXNS  At this thread's recommendation, I just picked up the mona 2 for my lady. She is excited to use it and I'm excited to use it on her, hopefully it will be worth the price tag
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Dec 26, 2014 15:47
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I doubt you'll be disappointed, it's a fantastic vibe.
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Dec 26, 2014 16:25
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ZenVulgarity posted:Has anyone had sex with young dogs in the house? Me and my partner have basically shut down worrying about waking up the puppy. I'm very sorry but I read that first sentence in a way it wasn't meant to be read about three times over and was pretty puzzled.
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Dec 26, 2014 18:01
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Captain Log posted:I'm very sorry but I read that first sentence in a way it wasn't meant to be read about three times over and was pretty puzzled.  Noooooooo no dog sex. He's just sleeping in the crate next to us and we're worried if it might effect him in some way (he also wakes up from rustling around the house with people walking around too loudly).
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Dec 26, 2014 18:16
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ZenVulgarity posted:
It won't warp his dog psychology if that's what you're worried about. I always put my dogs out of the room as pups when I had sex, and now they learned to leave the room by themselves.
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Dec 26, 2014 19:38
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A bad piece of advice is to film it with the puppy in the room and send it into indifferent cats in amateur porn for a laugh. 
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Dec 26, 2014 20:52
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hoobajoo posted:It won't warp his dog psychology if that's what you're worried about. Yeah, dogs eat each others poo poo, OP. He won't be scarred for life. Is he a cute doggie? I want to pet him in a platonic way.
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Dec 26, 2014 22:54
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Violet_Sky posted:Yeah, dogs eat each others poo poo, OP. He won't be scarred for life. Is he a cute doggie? I want to pet him in a platonic way.  
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Dec 27, 2014 01:26
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While not harmful to wake up the dog, a puppy in its cage crying like crazy is incredibly unsexy. Where's the crate at? If it's in another room, treat it like a roommate and put on a movie or some music so the sex noise isn't the loudest thing in the house
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Dec 27, 2014 02:35
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On the other hand, it would be pretty loving hilarious if he started howling along with one of you.
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Dec 27, 2014 06:47
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Yes, it's like a lava lamp.
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Old Man Pants posted:A lot of men like their balls touched, but I could never in a million years get off that way. I think the thing is that it's just an interesting feeling near the sexy parts that you don't feel very often, not that it brings you to orgasm in itself. Although, reading that, I almost laughed aloud at the thought. "Whoooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaa you're grabbing my balls so GOOD"   
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Dec 27, 2014 20:17
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My girlfriend wants to try anal when she comes to visit in a couple days, but wants to start with toys first before moving on to my dong. Neither of us has been into the butt forest before and I have no idea what toys would feel best for her. Any suggestions?
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Dec 28, 2014 02:18
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beefart posted:My girlfriend wants to try anal when she comes to visit in a couple days, but wants to start with toys first before moving on to my dong. Neither of us has been into the butt forest before and I have no idea what toys would feel best for her. Any suggestions? Transformers are always a good go to. I'd avoid turtles or power rangers though. If she's a more traditional lady you can't go wrong with a toy train. Seriously though? Get something medium and meant for the rear end. Small is more "slip a finger in" territory and a bit of a waste of time and money. Go slow, use plenty of lube and communicate.
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Dec 28, 2014 02:34
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beefart posted:My girlfriend wants to try anal when she comes to visit in a couple days, but wants to start with toys first before moving on to my dong. Neither of us has been into the butt forest before and I have no idea what toys would feel best for her. Any suggestions? The above is good advice but make sure whatever it is is something you can boil. So, no jelly, no TPE, no TPR. You probably want pure silicone.
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Dec 28, 2014 03:36
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Masonity posted:use plenty of lube and communicate. New thread title please.
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Dec 28, 2014 06:14
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Violet_Sky posted:I was raised in a non-religious family, but disability and depression hosed me up. My parents are nice people, but my mother did not like talking about sex. (Yet, my parents watch Game of Thrones, so I guess sex is okay if it's on television?) Because of that, I grew up thinking that even masturbation was dirty and wrong. I still don't like doing it, because I feel gross and wrong. Part of it's disability, part of it stems from my mother's attitude towards sex. The solution is to film yourself having sex and watch it with your parents.
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Dec 28, 2014 11:37
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...you guys don't already do that?
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Dec 29, 2014 08:16
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beefart posted:My girlfriend wants to try anal when she comes to visit in a couple days, but wants to start with toys first before moving on to my dong. Neither of us has been into the butt forest before and I have no idea what toys would feel best for her. Any suggestions? Get her to start with her fingers by herself to get started, to get a feel for things. For toys, get something specifically designed for anal. IE something with a flared base or a "hilt" or similar. Do not get a regular dildo, or improvise with anything else, or it will eventually get lost up there and you'll have to go to the hospital to get it out (the literally happens all the time).
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Jan 5, 2015 21:53
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Does anyone have experience, good or bad, with the we-vibe 4? I am thinking of getting this for me and the wife. It looks like a great idea, the amazon reviews trash it but there's only like 2. Wife needs clitoral stimulation and the hands free + penetration seems like a great solution, but its a bit pricey and I was hoping for some positive feedback before I purchased.
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Jan 5, 2015 22:37
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emocrat posted:Does anyone have experience, good or bad, with the we-vibe 4? I am thinking of getting this for me and the wife. It looks like a great idea, the amazon reviews trash it but there's only like 2. Wife needs clitoral stimulation and the hands free + penetration seems like a great solution, but its a bit pricey and I was hoping for some positive feedback before I purchased. We don't have a 4, but we bought a we-vibe thrill on a super cheap groupon deal just before Christmas and my wife finds it pretty drat awesome. We're seriously considering trying to get a proper, couples we-vibe rather than a solo toy like the thrill. The charger magnet thing is annoying and hard to position to keep plugged in though, especially if you want it "hidden" while still charging. CAn't just drape a tshirt over it or whatever.
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Jan 5, 2015 23:23
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The 4 is about the best you're going to get from toys of that type. Do not get the Lelo version of similar design to the we-vibe or we-vibe's Thrill, it is bad. The We-Vibe design's been pretty refined by now so they've got most of the bugs out. They've also recently redone the chargers so I think the 4 should stick better. The Tango and Touch are, for my money, superior toys by the same manufacturer but they won't be able to fill the niche the way the We-Vibe proper does. neongrey fucked around with this message at 23:58 on Jan 5, 2015 |
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Jan 5, 2015 23:55
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