Intel&Sebastian posted:

Twitter trolling Hannity is a lot like being a Christian.

You send your messages to the man, you'll probably never get a real reply, but in your heart of hearts you know he is listening, caring, and moving in mysterious ways on his bowflex machine.

change my name posted:

For too long, you have been asking "who is tenementfunster.com?" Well, *breaks down weeping in the toothpaste isle*

Josef K. Sourdust posted:

Toothpaste Isle is one of the lesser known tax havens of the Dutch Antilles.
Explorer 1: "I say, don't these native chaps have the whitest teeth?"
Explorer 2: "That gives me an idea..."

PleasingFungus posted:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3506614&userid=122025

That DICK! posted:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3506614&userid=166169

my dad posted:

Someone from the forums tracked that goon's family down and told them that the person in question is secretly trans, with nasty consequences. The weird blanked posts were the result of damage control.

theflyingorc posted:

Did a mod help or did this person just go back and blank like a thousand posts?

haveblue posted:

If a mod did it it would say "somebody" edited the posts.

my dad posted:

Someone from the forums tracked that goon's family down and told them that the person in question is secretly trans, with nasty consequences. The weird blanked posts were the result of damage control.

Spanish Manlove posted:

To be fair, you nerds eat up his really tame posting and bend over backwards to react to it in the most retarded ways possible.

That DICK! posted:

Why does the guy who gets really mad moderating a forum for free constantly call people nerds

Khazar-khum posted:

Razakai posted:

thin privilege is riding animals without brutally murdering them with your enormous mass

Boxturret posted:

they should get the same lawyer for ulbritch, have him equate hiring multiple assassins to odysseus's blinding the cyclops or something

theflyingorc posted:

"Who has hacked you, Polyphemous?"

"Anonymous! Anonymous has hacked me!"

"If you don't know who hacked you, quiet down!"

That DICK! posted:

Why does the guy who gets really mad moderating a forum for free constantly call people nerds

Spanish Manlove posted:

Man it took you guys a while to realize this.

stringball posted:

Did a flea dip on a dog today at work



Why does this kid have a black eye?

Deteriorata posted:

Obviously, the dog is part boxer.

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Darth123123 posted:

Please share the comments

Fucknag posted:

lmao @ this guy who doesn't get the point of "Awful Quotes"

Sweet Tea posted:

it's christmas, let the man suck a horses dick in peace.

Baracula posted:

Do you call noncops civilians

Smiling Jack posted:

Ten minutes into the future...

An officer browsing the something awful forums reads Baracula's post on his smartphone. He suddenly steps from his RMP and rips his shield from his chest and strides off down the street, a heavy burden lifted. His partner does the same. A curious passerby picks up the discarded phone and reads the same message. "Wait!" he shouts to the crowd gathering around the abandonded police car. "Police officers are civilians also!" Murmurs, then shouts from the crowd as they realize the implication. More and more of them log into the forums- many of them registering for the first time- to read the post.

The forums quickly crash. It is too late. The post is repeated on Facebook, on Reddit, everywhere. Within seconds it goes viral, in minutes it is broadcast on every major news network in every major language. Frenzied volunteers parachute into remote regions of the earth to spread the idea that "cops are civilians also" to uncontacted tribes that don't even know what police are. Philosophers marvel at the brevity and clarity and earth shattering revelation of Baracula.

Baracula's identity is quickly discovered, and hordes descend upon his modest split level house in a drab suburban sprawl. Baracula's mom looks up from the stove where she is heating a fresh pack of hot pockets to see a crowd of silent millions waiting just beyond their property line. She opens the basement door and calls out "Billy? Are you watching anime again? You have visitors?"

"MOM I SAID CALL ME BARACULA."

"Well the hot pockets are ready dear... you should come upstairs."

The most famed and wise person of our age emerges from his basement and looks out the window. A mighty cheer rises from the crowd when he is spotted. Baracula steps outside. Grown men weep. People injure themselves in a frenzy to disrobe. Baracula is hoisted above the crowd as millions chant his True Name.

Meanwhile, former officers abandon their posts. Rifles and tanks are left to rot. A ticket book tumbles from the hand of a traffic agent as she truly feels the sun upon her face for the first time. Somewhere, a NYPD officer places a cover on his typewriter for the last time, then leaves the precinct. He doesn't bother to lock the door behind him. Outside, anarchy, true, glorious anarachy, voluntary order is unleashed upon the world. Wall street shuts down. Racism ends forverer. Fortune 500 CEOs dress in sack cloth and ashes.

An overcrowded inner-city classroom being taught by an underprepared non-union Teach For America graduate and using state of Texas approved science books cures cancer.

The staggering amount of positive energy causes Yggdrasil, long dormant under the earth to suddenly grow. The Bhudda, Thor and Mohammed descend from the branches. All of humanity becomes enlightened.

Baracula watches from his golden throne, built atop a staggering pile of abandonded police equipment.

There is no more need for prisons or courthouses, the structures themselves spontaneously crumble into dust.

The greatest scientists and engineers of our day work to broadcast the message to the universe. Suddenly, a breakthrough. Humanity has become so united that Gaia, the lifeplanet forms. Baracula begins to glow. Instantaneous transmission of information, faster than light, is now possible.

Suddenly, white girls on instagram find that they can even.

On Cyclon47, a two meter tall beetle looks up from a console and clicks mandibles together rhythmically. "SECURITY FORCES ARE WORKERS ALSO". The beetle, caught up in the unity of message, begins to glow as well.

The message spreads, from planet to planet. Entropy itself is reversed.

On earth, the glow is now blinding. Humans, pets, animials, even plants, begin to transform into pure energy.

transcendence

On earth, in Baracula's old home, a hot pocket slowly cools.

A ghostly hand reaches for it.

Victor Vermis posted:

Book your pilgrimage tickets now, millions will be flocking to the new Kabaa, reliquary of The Hotpocket Most Divine.

RonMexicosPitbull posted:

someone had an original question in the askcops thread

anthonypants posted:

You can click on someone else's profile, and change the URL from userid=numbers to username=Infinite Monkeys

Hargrimm posted:

Or just remove the whole userid parameter to get your own

radiums enemy posted:

Holy poo poo

VendaGoat posted:

Holy

Smiling Jack needs an award.

quote:

one night this chick and i went out on a great second date. nice meal, live music by the beach and all that other atmospheric poo poo. we head back to her place afterwards after drinking and watch a movie with some wine. so the movie is about this ungrateful kid who tosses aside all his worldly possessions and relationships to go travel around with hippies and live in the woods. not a date movie imo but she was glad i was paying attention to it i guess. anyway, things are progressing and she's going down on me towards the end of the film. i'm really tired and still drunk and then this kid eats like a poison berry or something. so right as he realizes he's going to die and starts crying i just blow my whole load right in her mouth while we are both watching. it was just awkward and i basically lost the mood and didn't reciprocate anything . sorry girl you were actually really nice

Mans posted:

Kavak posted:

Is he talking about Into the Wild?

RonMexicosPitbull posted:

someone had an original question in the askcops thread

Taste the Rainbugh posted:

Last night I filled a shopping cart up with awesome brand new toys and took them to the toys for tots box they have in the front of the store and just put them all in their.

So either Walmart just donated $300+ worth of toys or someone is going to have to empty the toys for tots box in front of customers and put them back on the shelf.

THE PENETRATOR posted:

yeah and hopefully the award is a bullet in the brain to put the dumb retard out of his misery if those are the types of posts he makes lmfao

VendaGoat posted:

Did a cop kill your sense of humor?

cock hero flux posted:

Maybe, it was pretty dark.

cock hero flux posted:

Maybe, it was pretty dark.

cock hero flux posted:

Maybe, it was pretty dark.

VendaGoat posted:

Did a cop kill your sense of humor?

Gorilla Salad posted:

Just in time for Christmas, Fail Army gives us: the Nutcracker.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnoDEK6FMiE

Centripetal Horse posted:

The Nutcracker. Sweet.

cock hero flux posted:

Maybe, it was pretty dark.

no they will not posted:

Sorry vendagoat, it's a badpost.

VendaGoat posted:

I will submit to rehabilitation then.

syscall girl posted:

Fox really gutted the budget of Idiocracy when they finally realized what it was about.

_{please don't tell me that's an actual still from the movie}