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the next person to post in this thread automatically accepts the duty to post a play-by-play account of this match while entirely sober (straight edge !)) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxW3Fqd0ahw
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Dec 25, 2014 01:06
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i dont watch wrestling (or fights rofl...) gonna have to be someone else. merry chrismas
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Dec 25, 2014 01:45
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Ok I'm claiming immunity from that challenge because I will be watching Gracie vs. Sakuraba this Friday night and giving my drunken impressions on what I'm sure is a classic of martial prowess and non-stop action. Then I will be watching Maynard vs. Guida as it was the second most nominated fight. Again, I assume it is the pinnacle of pure athletic competition and a truly epic contest. Merry Christmas goons, my present to you will be posted in this thread shortly after I've finished watching the fights as I'm sure I'll have such high opinions of all the competitors involved and want to share them with the crowd.
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Dec 25, 2014 01:48
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your dead bitch
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Dec 25, 2014 01:48
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acai moonsault posted:the next person to post in this thread automatically accepts the duty to post a play-by-play account of this match while entirely sober (straight edge !))
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Dec 25, 2014 02:30
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bout five minutes in the match starts bell rings, some circling, punk offers hero a handshake, he accepts, they get to it quick bit of wrassling, ends with punk in the corner, they seperate another round, they lock up, punk seems to be going for an ankle early, wants to get chris hero off his feet eventually punk seems to have a single leg but hero is dropping elbows on him. punk gets him on his back, but hero pushes him off and they're back to zero they lock up again, punk gets to hero's back but he's able to scramble and get punk below him. a really slow paced situation leads to gently caress i am really awful with wrestling moves the crowd is patient, knowing that this is going to go long more grappling, punk working on a submission on the left arm then moving to the left leg. chris hero starts kicking punk in the head trying to get him off but punk is just taking it. takes a few tries for chris to nail him in the chin hard enough to get punk off. hero chases him down to try and take advantage of the situation but punk gets to the ropes and the referee separates them they tie up again, punk manages to get underhooks and uses that to roll hero up in a schoolboy, one and a half count, hero is up. tie up again, hero manages to get punk in a mild bearhug to try and force punk down, but punk manages to get hero's left knee down and put his weight on it to keep him off balance. punk loses his balance and hero is powering him down to his back, gets his shoulders down for a quick one count, punk is up. again more struggling, shoulders down, almost a two count. in the scramble of getting up, hero manages to take punk's back. pretty clearly calling a spot here. hero hooks punk's left arm behind his back. punk gives up his legs and goes to the ground, wrapping around hero's ankle, forcing hero to follow him down. hero still has the arm hooked. punk powering his way up, hero maintains the tucked arm, punk rolls forward forcing hero to go with him. hero still has the arm. chris hero holding it on for a while, 10 minutes have elapsed in the fight. punk seems to really be having problems with this one.hero keeps the arms hooked, got his leg over punk's hip keeping him grounded. eventually they get back to standing, hero still got the arm hooked. punk runs for the turnbuckle and runs up them flipping back, hero able to just follow him and take the arm behind the back again. hero proving that he has the upper body strength hero just "bit" punk lol headbutts punk squirms up to his knees and is able to take his arm away, running under hero's leg. punk goes outside the ropes to recover for a second, selling the arm that's been worked for minutes now tie up at the shoulders, punk managing to wrench hero's left arm this time. twists it quick, busts it over his shoulder, forcing hero to the ground. they roll for a bit, hero kipping up, reversing the hold, then a bit of quick chain wrestling ending with hero in a headlock they get to their feet with the headlock, hero gives punk a few shots to the body, sends punk to the ropes. shoulderblock but neither man budge. staredown, punk goes back to the ropes, slides through the ropes, armdrag to hero, punk got hero on the ground by the arm. his knee on hero's face applying some pain. punk moves the arm to the mat and starts dropping knees on it, hero pulls his hips up and starts to throw kicks at punk's head. hero clearly in pain here, doesn't want punk working that arm. hero can't get out of it. punk forces them to standing, still holding the arm. immediately as the dude announces that 15 minutes have elapsed, punk manages to lift chris hero's entire body by his arm, chris screaming in reaction.
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Dec 25, 2014 02:57
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I can't tell the difference between a synopsis of an actual wrestling match and fanfiction.
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Dec 25, 2014 03:00
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origami posted:I can't tell the difference between a synopsis of an actual wrestling match and fanfiction.
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Dec 25, 2014 03:04
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i wonder if any dudes took their ladies to this without telling them the main event was most likely going to go 90 minutes lol look at that crowd who cares punk takes it back to the mat, works the arm some more, stomping chris in the head on the way up. punk clearly won that one, hero had nothing for punk's attack there. back on their feet, they tie up again. punk forcing hero down now, makes you wonder if this early in he's gassed. he's a big guy, should have the power advantage over punk. oh, but then hero manages to pull punk back and monkey flip him back, hero ending up in punk's guard. hero gets a two count on punk by forcing his shoulders to the mat by the hands. punk postures up on hero, grabbing him around the waste. hero manages to slam punk back down to the mat. he starts pushing his knees down, doing some damage to punk. punk responds by slapping hero in the face in frustration, hero giving him one right back. punk postures up again, this time chris hero drops some elbows on his back. pushes punk back to the ground, punk tries to keep his shoulders up but relents for a moment, giving hero a quick two count. some more slapfighting here followed by headbutts to the gut of hero by punk. a lot more in this position with hero on his knees and punk posturing up against his midsection. going a bit long, some strikes, nothing too big. hero pushes punk back down the the mat again, this time rolling onto his stomach forcing punk to go with him, ending in both guys in a bridge tied at the waist. keep it up for a few seconds before punk gives out first, toppling to the mat. crowd enjoys it, silly chain wrestling is fun. they're up, tie up at the shoulders again. punk leans on hero forcing him into the corner, ref starts counting, calls punk off. punk starts to slowly separate lowering the waste, eventually trying to pull out hero's leg at the last second. punk fails, taking some big elbows to the back, goes outside the ring, and takes a breather for a bit. i'm bored
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Dec 25, 2014 03:18
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coconono posted:The fight that makes grown men cry The one positive from that fight is that Hendo can knock someone's tooth out while airborne.
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Dec 25, 2014 03:19
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Memento posted:Ok I'm claiming immunity from that challenge because I will be watching Gracie vs. Sakuraba this Friday night and giving my drunken impressions on what I'm sure is a classic of martial prowess and non-stop action. Royce/Saku 1 of course.enjoy
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Dec 25, 2014 04:12
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Mr. Nice! posted:The one positive from that fight is that Hendo can knock someone's tooth out while airborne. Cormier hitting that ankle pick made one of my friends sob in frustration, it was glorious.
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Dec 25, 2014 04:14
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TBH I'd rather live in this world where noted cool guy Daniel Cormier made Dan Henderson look like a helpless child than the alternate world where noted piece of poo poo Jon Jones made Dan Henderson look like a helpless child.
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Dec 25, 2014 04:29
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Cormiers gnp looked a bit poo poo
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Dec 25, 2014 04:36
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that was actually the first of those 3 matches posted yesterday i watched. cormier seemed to basically maul him. i also noticed cormier was undefeated, what's his deal? he seems pretty cool too
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Dec 25, 2014 05:55
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He's a fat guy whos good at wrestling but was too devoted to being fat to fight at a real weight class. Today he has become extremely powerful, defeating both the elderly and blockbuster employees.
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Dec 25, 2014 06:01
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Cormier missed getting the big Dunkin Donuts dollars
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Dec 25, 2014 06:02
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Big Coffin Hunter posted:that was actually the first of those 3 matches posted yesterday i watched. cormier seemed to basically maul him. i also noticed cormier was undefeated, what's his deal? he seems pretty cool too His deal is that he's really good at fighting. He is cool. In a few weeks he will be fighting Jon Jones, who is also really good at fighting but is not cool at all.
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Dec 25, 2014 06:18
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He expended too much energy and got tired
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Keven. Just. Keven posted:He's a fat guy whos good at wrestling but was too devoted to being fat to fight at a real weight class. Today he has become extremely powerful, defeating both the elderly and blockbuster employees. i like this guy's style
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Dec 25, 2014 08:14
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He lost the first 40 seconds of a minute long fight against a barista
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Dec 25, 2014 10:21
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did he win the last 20?
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Dec 25, 2014 10:26
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Big Coffin Hunter posted:did he win the last 20? yes. he's very good.
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Dec 25, 2014 12:57
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I always thought Cormier went a little easy on Hendo on the ground--he talked a lot before the fight about how much respect he had for Hendo and probably was happy to settle for wrestling the poo poo out of him. If Cormier can get Jones on the ground it probably won't look anything like that fight. Also to the dude thinking about trip reporting Gracie/Saku please for the love of God choose any of them besides Royce 1 (or Royce 2 for that matter since the bad guy wins). Plenty of them are long and bad without crossing over into "aggressively horrible". I recommend the Royler fight cause its shorter and Royler seems worse than Royce.
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Dec 25, 2014 19:56
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Foul Fowl posted:yes. he's very good. sold
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Dec 25, 2014 20:23
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eshock posted:I always thought Cormier went a little easy on Hendo on the ground--he talked a lot before the fight about how much respect he had for Hendo and probably was happy to settle for wrestling the poo poo out of him. If Cormier can get Jones on the ground it probably won't look anything like that fight. nahh gimpsuitjones posted:Royce/Saku 1 of course.enjoy yeah
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Dec 25, 2014 22:10
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bonus round report royce/shamrock 2
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Dec 25, 2014 22:22
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Eat This Glob posted:Good for mama Pettis, but this was in the other headlines (warning: FRB cited as the source): CM Punk to train at Roufusport. What, me worry about CTE? Cross post from UFC monthly thread for the wrasslin' folks. Issue 1 for folks who don't follow mma reguarly: Front Row Brian is a terrible source. Issue 2: Roufusport is in the news lately for having a guy die in the ring. A few of his fighters have been talking poo poo about Duke for running brutal and dangerous practices. A great place for a guy like CM Punk who said he had 15 concussions or whatever. First person accounts from that gym here. I have no idea if that rumor is true that he's going to Milwaukee (it's FRB, so probably not) but for the wrestler guy's sake with a history of brain trauma, I seriously loving hope not.
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Dec 26, 2014 04:11
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Eat This Glob posted:Cross post from UFC monthly thread for the wrasslin' folks. Issue 1 for folks who don't follow mma reguarly: Front Row Brian is a terrible source. Issue 2: Roufusport is in the news lately for having a guy die in the ring. A few of his fighters have been talking poo poo about Duke for running brutal and dangerous practices. A great place for a guy like CM Punk who said he had 15 concussions or whatever. First person accounts from that gym here. I have no idea if that rumor is true that he's going to Milwaukee (it's FRB, so probably not) but for the wrestler guy's sake with a history of brain trauma, I seriously loving hope not. Punk has already hinted it is his most likely destination so reporting he's going there is a safe bet from anyone who wants to break news.
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Dec 26, 2014 04:16
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MassRafTer posted:Punk has already hinted it is his most likely destination so reporting he's going there is a safe bet from anyone who wants to break news. That really sucks for Punk. At least the AKA guys are killing each other because they're idiot maniacs instead of at the behest of an rear end in a top hat. I really hope he stays healthy. Not because I want to see him fight, but it's dumb for a guy to run away from a megalomaniac causing brain damage to camp up with another in a field he has no professional experience in. Regardless, I hope he stays healthy and is happy in he second career.
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Dec 26, 2014 04:21
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ah, that sounds bad. hope this ends up working for him if that's the case though thanks to everyone answering my poo poo and giving me those matches to watch. between everything here and watching the cormier/jones hype video on youtube i'm tempted to order the ppv next week if i'm not going out to a show that night or anything. ufc saturday and watching wk9 on the new japan network on sunday sounds pretty cool
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Dec 26, 2014 05:01
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Welp, there goes CM Punk's brain cells. I sure hope that's not true.
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Dec 26, 2014 05:03
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Hahahaha CM Punk isn't even going to have the opportunity to die in the octogon
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Dec 26, 2014 05:21
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well it was either get concussed at roufusport or tear every ligament everywhere at AKA
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Dec 26, 2014 05:34
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DoombatINC posted:Hahahaha CM Punk isn't even going to have the opportunity to die in the octogon Not true, many MMA gyms have training cages that he can die in.
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Dec 26, 2014 13:04
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gimpsuitjones posted:Royce/Saku 1 of course.enjoy Right. It's 10:48pm on Friday the 26th December. I was at the in-laws place this evening for the traditional Boxing Day bbq and piss-up. I'm 8 beers and one very pleasant glass of French champagne deep. I have a large glass of single malt and a large glass of water next to me. The baby and the wife are both in bed. It's time to watch some loving MMA. Here we have Royce Gracie vs. Kazushi Sakuraba from May the 1st 2000 from the Tokyo Dome. I've tried to read as little about this as possible and go into it completely blind. Video of the match I watched can be found here. Bullet points will be used with impressions going through no filter. Jesus gently caress this video is an hour fifty long. Is the fight that long? poo poo takedown already, Royce wants the guard, Kaz stands straight back up and into the clunch. The gi looks retarded here, way outof place They're just huggin. Weak rear end knees. Ref shakes the ropes. C'mon dudes do something. Royce goes for a takedown and falls on his arse. Goes for leglock Kaz easily spins out of. Kaz goes for Kimura. He's got like, nothing of it. He does have his head out of the ring. Royce kneeing him in the arse. Lots of arse action so far. loving hell ref rope break or what? What are even the rules of this? Oh wait commentators said none. Nice. Kaz seems to have a nice figure four on but is bending rocye's arm in exactly the way it's designed to bend. Royce with the head punches. They're not super effective though, Kaz ignorign the gently caress out of them. Helio sighting, nice. Royce completely without expression. Kaz still bending that arm the way it's meant to bend. Five minutes passed. Oh hey is that Bas Rutten on comments? Sweet. More head punches. More rope hiding. Royce seems to be hitting Kaz a whole bunch and achieving nothing at all. Oh wait ref break. Oh wait just putting the head over the ropes. Oh Royce down, aaaaand nothing. Royce throws a high kick that looks like nothing. Throws some low kicks that probably sting. Shoots for something? Feels like Royce really needs to get Kaz to the ground. Lots of kicks to the feet and knees to the thigh. Royce wants to hook that leg around. Holy poo poo a scramble, something happened! Kaz tries for a hip toss and nearly gets it, but we're back to royce at his back again, trying for something he has no leverage for. We're on the ground! And Kaz has no problem standing up. Kaz sticks his head through the ropes, again. Ten minutes in. Commentator sasy there's a lot of strategy involved, and I might have to take his word for it. Royce gently caressing Kaz' back. Looks like he's making himself heavy though, putting weight on Kaz' back. Kaz resting himself and expending zero energy with head on turnbuckle. Royce with pissy little backhand slaps to Kaz' face. Those are doing nooooothing. Close up on Kaz' face, he has no expression at all. Kaz controlling the gi sleeve, that seems like it's smart. Rocye goes for the falldown and keep the opponent locked in. Kaz going for a kneebar, could be some trouble. Royce has his ankle locked in to his knee, seems like Kaz won't get anything. Royce's leg game seems pretty tight. S poo poo is that the kneebar? no Royce has his own foot. Should be fine. gently caress no it's in, that's a fuckign kneebvar Kaz has this SAVED BY THE BELL what teh gently caress how is Royce walking right now? That knee was definitely bent past straight. Hey is that the guy from the Choke documentary? Nobuhiko Takada? Note to self look it up later. Kaz' trainer I guess. gently caress on replay that leg was loving compromised. Jesus dude tap, gently caress. I guess in 2000 people still had something to prove. Round 2. SOme things happened, not disappointed. Royce teases a kick. Lots of standing and stepping. Royce throws some punched, clinch again. Wtf the Gracie corner guys moved? I guess they're taking advantage of the no rules thing. Oh no the commentator said that's not legit. gently caress it Gracies get what they want I guess. Royce with the male pattern baldness. Eric Clapton is here? Guess he's a few years since losing his son out a window, needs something to pass the time. Royce is a seventh degree black belt, according to the commentators. Talking about black belts. Talking about rules. Ref trying to get the fighters to do a thing. Any thing. ref is discussing finer points of the rules with the corner. Royce stomping on Kaz' feet, that's a bit rough. Lol, Bas reminiscing about a fight he watched where the dude was dropping elbows on his opponent's brainstem. Good times.  ROYCE HAS BROKEN A SWEAT Helio sighting again. He seems a bit nonplussed. Five minutes passed in second round. Clinch has been going on for ever. Kaz started to undress Royce. Da gently caress? Ice hockey-itsu? Kaz seems to be trash talking, or possibly whispering sweet nothings in Royce's ear. gently caress me, the winner takes on Igor Vovchanchyn? He's a loving bear. I wanna watch that fight. Royce trying to pull standing guard! A thing is happening! Oh no wait he didn’t get the legs around, had to stand up again to no fall flat on his arse. Clinch and knees again. Kaz undressing R again. Lol Why the gently caress is R wearing the gi? He’s about to get it wrapped around his head. Seems counterproductive. Commentator talking about how this sport is now about complete fighting as opposed to the barbaric days of yore. Comparison to boxing where apparently dudes die all the time. Get VKM on the phone and tell him that MMA is civilized. Royce throwing fists, sick of getting stripped by Kaz. A bit of a flurry into the head and body of Kaz then the clinch again. Five minutes left. Kaz trying to push the gi below the shoulders. Helio laughing. He seems like a cool old dude. (x) minutes left, didn’t understand the announcement. Commentators are still trying to talk up this fight. Glad I’m drunk, because this wouldn’t be entertaining otherwise. Kaz wore a diaper to a photo shoot? Someone link that and I’ll be grateful. Royce trying for a guillotine but he’s not got much of it. Lol Kaz is pulling Royce’s pants down. The crowd appreciates it. Helio seems a little put off. One minute left. Royce gets him down into half guard. One commentator says Kaz can hold his breath, but Bas says that it’s a blood choke, don’t be a noob. Hardto get by with no blood in brain. Third round. Commentator “expects hijinks” rfom the fighters. I think they may disappoint. Royce throwing punches. Has Kaz thrown a single strike so far? Don’t think so. Lol the commentators talking about how PRIDE has a website. Novel! More clinching. Royce throwing more little punches. Kaz ignoring the gently caress out of them. Playing footsies. Oh gently caress Royce copped one in the nuts. That’s unfortunate. Commentators talking about how you can’t penalize someone with no scoring system Tha gently caress the ref just showed a yellow card. gently caress me the replay was just played that was a straight up loving knee in the baby maker. Royce not being on the ground in his own personal world of pain is a miracle. Both fighters get a break, shake hands then recommence. Royce with the low kick, falls on his arse. And again. Wiffs a high kick. Kaz throws a huge right hand, first time all fight it seems he’s thrown some poo poo. Royce on his back trying to get Kaz to join him on the ground. Kaz not taking the bait. Let’s take an aside to talk about how retarded a fight like this in a traditional boxing/wrestling ring is. You could fall out of the motherfucker. How is that safe? My state has banned fighting in a cage, because of some bullshit about promoting violence and anti-social behavior because we’re run by a bunch of Mary loving Poppins’. Regardless of that, having corners means you can corner a dude. Which slows down the action. Which this match demonstrates neatly. Clinching in the corner. Again. More ticky-tacky knees, Kaz throws a something that goes well wide of Royce’s head. More clinch. More knees. More clinch. Oh poo poo Kaz throws some loving rights and Royce is down! Royce on ground Kaz standing kicks exchanged. More kicks. This seems pointless. Royce up. Standing and stepping. Kaz throws a huuuuuuuge right that misses everything. Low kick that lands a little. Crowd likes it. Royce pushing forward. Something? Nothing. gently caress, any modern MMA player would ruin the poo poo out of either of these guys. Royce down again. Nothing. Royce throwing more fists but obviously tired. Hope round ends soon, need more booze. That was like a quadruple scotch and it’s gone. Royce going jab-lowkick-shoot in-nothing. Royce throws a sweep kick, misses, lands on his arse. Three minutes left in this round. Gettin thirsty. Royce keeps pushing to the corner and then doing nothing. Kaz taunting Royce. Royce seems a little winded. Rocye on his arse again. Gets up. Rocye moves into the corner again. Almost gets in a position for hip toss. Doesn’t. Clinch again. One minute left. Clinch, clinch, clinch, bell. Commentators still talking up both of these dudes. Tokyo Dome doesn’t look right without the commentators telling the Young Bucks to Please Go Home. Replay of the takedown. Lol Royce didn’t get taken down he just fell over to try and get Kaz to go with him. He really wants this to go to the ground. Round four. Kaz puts up a fist for the respect bump, Royce throws fists, presses into the corner again, clinch. More clinch. Antonio Inoki sightingLol the commentators are talking up how Inoki is a pro-wrestler and can “real fight” as well. That’s actually bullshit, right? More clinch. Royce with more tiny punches. Bas giving their striking skills a whole bunch of poo poo. Royce falls on his arse again, deliberately. Kaz too smart to follow. Royce up. Standing and stepping. Takada not the Japanese bloke I was thinking of. Yes, I have time to look dudes up on Wikipedia while this fight is going. Royce tucking his jacket in. Kaz not capitalizing. Dude do a thing, you're opponent is fixing his clothes. Kaz throws a high kick, fails to connect. Some striking back and forth. Take down from caught kick, scramble, Kaz tries a kneebar, almost a thing, nothing. Holy poo poo only five minutes into this round. This whole video is just this fight, isn’t it?  Royce opened up a little, under the left eye. Nothing major. That sweeping low kick is kind of a piece of poo poo and Royce should stop doing it. Commentators talking bullshit about Dim Mach and pressure points and knockout techniques. Some fists flying. Careful gents, a boxing match might break out. Commentators talking about video game health bars. Who is the commentator Mo? There’s Mo, Bas Rutten and some dude who doesn’t seem like a fighter. More ineffective fists in the corner. Bas “El Guapo” Rutten. It means “The Handsome” apparently. Interesting epithet for a dude whose nose is on an angle perpendicular to everything. Royce eats a left hook and falls on his arse. Deliberately again! Stay on your feet dude. Not sure Kaz has had his guard up properly all fight. Bas telling them to do a kickbox on each other. Do something. Ten minutes into the fourth. Royce falls on his arse again, apropos of nothing at all. We’re back to buttfuck position. Commentator team talking about the rules. I feel that if the commentators have enough time to talk about the minutiae of the rules during the fight, there’s not a lot going on. There’s probably a whole bunch of technique and strategy I’m missing here because I’m a noob, but it sure seems like there’s not a ton going on. Commentary talking about websites like they’re a foreign country. Mo Smith and Stephen Quadros are our other commentators. Bas says “back to the fight” because he knows they’re just talking bullshit at this point. Quadros says “You can go get a sandwich in this fight and miss nothing”. Bas says “no, they might explode at any second”. Somehow I don’t believe Bas even though he’s awesome. Royce goes for german suplex takedown, Kaz going for a knee, looks like he’s on top in reverse cow Tonight’s consultation from Dr. Whisky calls for several hundred CCs of Edradour 12-year-old. Fifth round. Quadros calling the last four rounds “lackluster”. Being generous. More standing and stepping. Royce pushes towards the corner. Clinch. Déjà vu all over again. Royce goes down, looks for guard. Here’s a thing! Royce has guard, first time all fight. Work it. He’s letting Kaz posture up. Kaz has the ankle, but he doesn’t want to pass it seems. He keeps letting Royce get the guard back. Kaz postures up and throws punches, to zero response from Royce. Guard again, lsot it, got it back. Kaz properly striking now, really leaning into them. Actual action. Royce has his wrists now, getting smart. Being punched in the head does suck, I guess. Kaz goes for kneeride doesn’t quite get it. Some double karate chop action from Kaz, seems like it misses everything though, kind of ineffectual. Looks good. HA HA HA gently caress Kaz picks up Royce by the belt and starts raining down punches on his prone opponent. Golden. Most entertaining thing all fight. Crowd loves it. They’re starting to lose steam though. Crowd and competitors. Royce trying to work for a triangle. Kaz seems to be good enough to deflect it easily. More guard to posture to guard. Both fighters visibly tired. Kaz still throwing poo poo but not very effectively. Apparently Royce “can do the splits both ways”. I, um, sure. More gripfighting. Rocye trying his damnedest for a triangle, to the expense of anything else. Ten minutes into the fifth. This poo poo has to be over soon. I dunno, maybe I’m seeing poo poo but it seems that Royce has had a million opportunities to sweep. Kaz picks him up by the belt again, awesome. Tries to step over for, I dunno, something. Nope. Oh well, seemed like something. Close guard again. Aww poo poo Kaz’ fingers are out of his glove. There’s a thing. It definitely happened. Commentary talking about fights coming up. New fighters. Anything but the fight at hand. Some chopping axe kicks from Royce, a little bit of scramble from Kaz, not too much from either. Clearly these two dudes are tired. Kaz with a loving sweet curb stomp just on the bell. gently caress me I hope this video doesn’t link a part 2 at the end of it. Camera on two dudes in the crowd that look photogenic as gently caress. Actors I think. Better looking than me at any rate. Sixth round. Straight into a takedown. Royce has the guard. Looks like he’s trying to work a gi choke. That’d be nice. Back into hugging. Kaz trying to escape out between the knees, Royce seems like he was trying to get a triangle but very desultory. Fatigue has well set in at this point. Oof, some chopping kicks to the back of the head. That cannot have been pleasant for Kaz. Royce closes up the guard and hugs in the head. Smart jiu jitsu there. Kaz pulls out, Royce stands up, throwing limbs again. Ouch that low kick by Kaz looked like it had some steam behind it. Holes in Royce’s stand up game really being exposed here. Back to the half guard. Kaz trying to bull past it. gently caress me Kaz nearly takes Royce’s head off while he;s on the ground. Royce gets up, smart. Royce pushing front kicks, seems effective. Kaz don’t want that. gently caress, clinch again? C’mon. If I wanted to see dudes hugging gently I could go down to St Kilda. Click here to see a Brazilian dude comforting his Japanese friend about the death of their pet hamster. poo poo, more hugging. Commentary talking about what Helio is thinking. Helio seems inscrutable. Clinch breaks up. Standing. Stepping. Standing and stepping. More strikes exchanged. It seems like every time Royce loses balance even a little, he falls on his arse to try and goad his opponent into following. It hasn’t worked for the last hour and a half, what the gently caress makes him think it’s going to work now. gently caress this fight. I hope something happens soon. It’s half past midnight right now. Royce knocked down in the corner. “It’s going to be hard for him to stand up!” Stands up. Five minutes into round six. Kaz throwing punches, getting some contact, not following up at all. Royce goes down to his arse, Kaz doesn’t follow. Story of this fight. Good flurry from Kaz, some low kicks. Royce’s left leg is very weak at this point. Helio looking concerned. Three minutes left in the sixth. Crowd is roaring a lot harder than I would have though a bunch of dudes who have been watching the same fight for nearly an hour and a half could. Movement in the Gracie corner. Towel in hand?!?!? gently caress Royce getting curbstomped right now. Kaz throwing mad left hands. Gracie in the corner yelling something. Royce on the ground, contusions all over his face. One minute left in the sixth. Holy poo poo Kaz does a thing. Jumps over Royce’s legs, tries to land a knee on him? Dunno what his endgame was there but Royce rolls out of the way. Kicks from Kaz, he’s well in control right now. Bell rings, sixth is over. That round was kind of interesting. Royce looking battered. Kaz looking tired but not beaten up. 90 minutes gone. Replay shows that Kaz was actually trying a flying punch with that move. Nearly landed it, would have hurt like gently caress if he did. Closeup on Royce’s face, looking rough as gently caress. Towel is in! Towel has been thrown in. Kaz is the winner. loving hell. That was a long-rear end match. Hugging in the ring. Good sportsmanship there. Helio looking grim. Royce limping hard now that the fight’s over. loving hell that was a slog. I assume this was one of the worst MMA fights that people could possibly suggest with the criteria I gave. From this fight I can safely say that the move away from “no rules” to actually having proper structure to a fight was only a good, good thing. 90% of the time nothing was happening. 90% of the time something was happening, they didn’t follow up at all. The commentators must have had a massive sign in the front of the booth saying “DON’T poo poo ON THE FIGHT” because there were a lot of times they stopped themselves just as they were working up to a good “gently caress this is poo poo loving do something” I remember from many years ago I watched a match where Bas Rutten was doing Scarface impressions in the middle of the match as opposed to calling the action. I can’t imagine whatever match that was was any worse than this. There was legitimately about two minutes of action in the entire 90 minutes of the match. I give this match 0.2/5 stars. It gets a vague few points for the fact that punches were landed and then it gets some deducted for the fact that Kazushi Sakuraba doesn’t know which way elbows bend, and that in order to submit someone, you need to bend them the other way. Royce’s finest point was ignoring the fact that his knee was bending the wrong way for about fifteen seconds at the end of the first. And there is nearly 3400 words on a fight from 14 1/2 years ago, and 90-odd minutes of my life I’ll never get back. I need another drink. edit: I couldn't find a video of the Maynard/Guida fight legitimately. Sorry. It looked like Maynard made Guida his bitch though. Taunting etc. Sorry Fatherdog, ban me if I haven't fulfilled my toxx, but I feel like I may have done enough. Memento fucked around with this message at 14:00 on Dec 26, 2014 |
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Dec 26, 2014 13:41
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That was everything I hoped it would be.
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Dec 26, 2014 15:28
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Memento posted:Holy poo poo only five minutes into this round. This whole video is just this fight, isn’t it? Watching the slow realization of what was happening was the best part of this post. Well done, Memento. May god have mercy on your soul and liver.
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Dec 26, 2014 17:27
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You beautiful, insane bastard
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Dec 26, 2014 19:09
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Memento posted:edit: I couldn't find a video of the Maynard/Guida fight legitimately. Sorry. It looked like Maynard made Guida his bitch though. Taunting etc. Sorry Fatherdog, ban me if I haven't fulfilled my toxx, but I feel like I may have done enough. Guida works really hard to not fight the whole fight. Towards the end Maynard is hitting himself in the face yelling "fight me bitch" or "hit me" or something like that. It was weird as hell when it happened as Guida had never fought like that before, and also hilarious.
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Dec 26, 2014 19:28
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People are actually gonna read that?
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Dec 26, 2014 20:08
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