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H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

Citizen Tayne posted:

it owns that donald trump has been a massive failure his entire life but is still rich

there's this moment in born rich where ivana trump relates a vignette about how during one of the times he was bankrupt, her dad pointed a homeless man out to her as they were leaving the tower named after him and remarked how that man was richer than he was

then the cameras followed her around her old room in said tower that had apparently never been touched since she moved out as a teen

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H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde
here it is if you haven't seen it yet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unZmiEsgzno


his followup is called the one percent and is basically the same thing but with better interviews

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmlX3fLQrEc

vapid cutlery
Apr 17, 2007

php:
<?
"it's george costanza" ?>

duTrieux. posted:

isn't that a book

you don't watch books

what is wrong with you

they made a lovely CGI movie to go with it since the people they're trying to convince to act against their own self-interest probably won't read

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

fart simpson posted:

good idea im too autistic to have considered using human interaction to solve this problem

hello new linkedin profile quote

vapid cutlery
Apr 17, 2007

php:
<?
"it's george costanza" ?>
LinkedIndia

duTrieux.
Oct 9, 2003

oh god linkedin trigger warning please

duTrieux.
Oct 9, 2003

i've unsubscribed from their mailing lists no less than 5 times but there's always a new one that comes in, it's hosed up

vapid cutlery
Apr 17, 2007

php:
<?
"it's george costanza" ?>
people offer me so many drat job interviews

FrozenVent
May 1, 2009

The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

vapid cutlery posted:

people offer me so many drat job interviews

I get people wanting to help me with my résumé and recruiter trying to break in my industry

like no I will not obtain that certification if I get offered that job because I'm not going back to school for four years for a job that pays half of what I'd make if I was still doing field work

also who move my cheese has nothing on that fish guys in Seatle video gently caress that BS

Optimus_Rhyme
Apr 15, 2007

are you that mainframe hacker guy?

I have :rolleyes: Big 4 :rolleyes: experience so I get recruiters hitting me up all the time from the other Big 4 / Smaller firms

I usually reply with a template email that goes:

StupidEmail posted:

Hey! Thanks for the interest in my resume and my skills background. I looked at the profile* and it looks like I'd be a perfect match. Before we go too far I'd like to let you know that I have some expectations with this role being offered:

1) $200,000 a year salary + bonus. This would be the base salary. I'd be willing to negotiate 5% of this number.
2) 4+ weeks vacations time, not including sick time
3) Over time for hours worked outside of 40-45 hours a week

These expectation are commensurate with my current role should I seek upward advancement**.

I look forward to hearing from you!

So far only one has bitten but then they just ignored what I asked for and made a seriously low-ball offer that I turned down out of principle.

* I haven't even looked at that stupid link you sent me.
** Not even close but you ask for a lot and see what you can get

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

Optimus_Rhyme posted:

are commensurate with my current role should I seek upward advancement**.

I look forward to hearing from you!

if you don't wanna sound like you're from nonameria then don't say commensurate - "in line" is better, and nix "upward" here

and don't use exclamation points in business correspondence ever

end with something like "thank you for your consideration i may be contacted at" blah blah blah instead of "i hope that you grant me, a foreigner, a minute of your valuable valuable time"

eschaton
Mar 7, 2007

Don't you just hate when you wind up in a store with people who are in a socioeconomic class that is pretty obviously about two levels lower than your own?

Optimus_Rhyme posted:

so I get recruiters hitting me up all the time

I've been telling VC-affiliated recruiters that I haven't read their pitch and I'm only even remotely interested in talking about C-level positions

after a couple "hey, you already emailed me, remember I said C-level only?" I've started getting "hey, we have some portfolio companies who could use a CxO" emails

none of my profiles at linkedin or wherever have details about what I've actually worked on the past several years

eschaton
Mar 7, 2007

Don't you just hate when you wind up in a store with people who are in a socioeconomic class that is pretty obviously about two levels lower than your own?

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

if you don't wanna sound like you're from nonameria then don't say commensurate - "in line" is better, and nix "upward" here

and don't use exclamation points in business correspondence ever

end with something like "thank you for your consideration i may be contacted at" blah blah blah instead of "i hope that you grant me, a foreigner, a minute of your valuable valuable time"

actually, when dealing with recruiters, write your business correspondence like your yosposting and make sure your condescension is commensuratein line with that

"did you not read the part where I said 200k minimum? I think it's 350 now. still want to talk? have your director send me their number and maybe we will."

make them present you their belly

H.P. Hovercraft
Jan 12, 2004

one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse
Slippery Tilde

eschaton posted:

make them present you their belly

i keep saiyan that urinating a lil on the conference room table is an excellent sign of dominance acceptance

Illusive Fuck Man
Jul 5, 2004
RIP John McCain feel better xoxo 💋 ðŸ™Â
Taco Defender

Jonny 290 posted:

its just beer and wine. everybody has 1-2 a day. tbqh its a very drinky place but ive not seen anything get out of hand ever

i know someone in the handy customer service office. they have free beer/cider/liquor at all times and it does get out of hand. the story is someone got hammered and hosed their boss on the office couch.

yes, this is a professional working environment and totally not a frat house run by idiot business majors

Illusive Fuck Man
Jul 5, 2004
RIP John McCain feel better xoxo 💋 ðŸ™Â
Taco Defender
also, the way they pay their NOT-EMPLOYEES or 'professionals' sounds so fuckin illegal. if a professional doesn't show up to a job, handy charges them $35. sorry, they "withhold" $35 from the professional's pay unless the professional shows them a doctors note.

starting pay for a contractor is 17/hr BUT YOU CAN SET YOUR OWN HOURS!! ONE CONTRACTOR MADE 80,000 LAST YEAR (minus all that self-employment tax, travel costs, etc)

Shifty Pony
Dec 28, 2004

Up ta somethin'


Illusive gently caress Man posted:

also, the way they pay their NOT-EMPLOYEES or 'professionals' sounds so fuckin illegal. if a professional doesn't show up to a job, handy charges them $35. sorry, they "withhold" $35 from the professional's pay unless the professional shows them a doctors note.

starting pay for a contractor is 17/hr BUT YOU CAN SET YOUR OWN HOURS!! ONE CONTRACTOR MADE 80,000 LAST YEAR (minus all that self-employment tax, travel costs, etc)

of course it is. and it isn't anything new but is normally such small time offenses that attorney generals don't bother with it unless the place that is forcing staff to pay breakages or shortages in the drawers happens to be competing with a major campaign donor's chain. also most places are loving stupid enough to make it written policy.

it will take an ag that is willing to call bullshit on the word smithing and isn't afraid of the sv companies calling them mean names

help us New York, you're our only hope.

Progressive JPEG
Feb 19, 2003

Optimus_Rhyme posted:

I have :rolleyes: Big 4 :rolleyes: experience so I get recruiters hitting me up all the time from the other Big 4 / Smaller firms

I usually reply with a template email that goes:

I've been getting around 2-3 direct emails a week from people who either say they found the email on github or on LinkedIn. I think they've gotten a bit worse in December, maybe a lot of people start looking then idk

They usually sound like they're on-staff at the place they're hiring, and lately they've often sent 1-2 followup emails afterwards sounding a lil desperate. I've just been ignoring them entirely so far but maybe a template "thanks maybe later I'll contact u" response is in order because it's mega flattering at least and it feels like having the contacts could be useful at some point

Bloody
Mar 3, 2013

Shifty Pony posted:

of course it is. and it isn't anything new but is normally such small time offenses that attorney generals don't bother with it unless the place that is forcing staff to pay breakages or shortages in the drawers happens to be competing with a major campaign donor's chain. also most places are loving stupid enough to make it written policy.

it will take an ag that is willing to call bullshit on the word smithing and isn't afraid of the sv companies calling them mean names

help us New York, you're our only hope.

Attorneys general

poty
Jun 21, 2008

虹はどこで終わるのですか? あなたの魂の中で、または地平線で?

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

his followup is called the one percent and is basically the same thing but with better interviews

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmlX3fLQrEc

i watched this and it was ok

Pinterest Mom
Jun 9, 2009

Bloody posted:

Attorneys general

Thank you.

Qtotonibudinibudet
Nov 7, 2011



Omich poluyobok, skazhi ty narkoman? ya prosto tozhe gde to tam zhivu, mogli by vmeste uyobyvat' narkotiki

Progressive JPEG posted:

I've been getting around 2-3 direct emails a week from people who either say they found the email on github or on LinkedIn. I think they've gotten a bit worse in December, maybe a lot of people start looking then idk

I got some from github where someone was impressed with my work (even though they didn't really understand what it was) and my involvement with the open source community

my github is a bunch of college projects that havent been touched since and ive never committed to a repo other than my own.

recruiters amirite

prefect
Sep 11, 2001

No one, Woodhouse.
No one.




Dead Man’s Band

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

and don't use exclamation points in business correspondence ever

hobbesmaster
Jan 28, 2008

to be fair, writing something that compiles puts you ahead of a lot of candidates

carry on then
Jul 10, 2010

by VideoGames

(and can't post for 10 years!)

hobbesmaster posted:

to be fair, writing something that compiles puts you ahead of a lot of candidates

yeah but being a sexhaver puts you ahead of all candidates so

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud
Apr 7, 2003



always use exclamation points in all correspondence, so they know you're serious and enthusiastic.

Syncopated
Oct 21, 2010

Citizen Tayne posted:

always use exclamation points in all correspondence, so they know you're serious and enthusiastic.

this!!

a cyberpunk goose
May 21, 2007

carry on then posted:

yeah but being a sexhaver puts you ahead of all candidates so

perhaps you should check out my sex-that-did-happen.md on my portfolio repo :smuggo:

ultramiraculous
Nov 12, 2003

"No..."
Grimey Drawer

IPvSH6T posted:

I got some from github where someone was impressed with my work (even though they didn't really understand what it was) and my involvement with the open source community

my github is a bunch of college projects that havent been touched since and ive never committed to a repo other than my own.

recruiters amirite

i mean a query for "publicly committed code in <client's language>" is probably a way more useful signal than whatever linkedin will poo poo out

ultramiraculous
Nov 12, 2003

"No..."
Grimey Drawer
mostly because this:

hobbesmaster posted:

to be fair, writing something that compiles puts you ahead of a lot of candidates

vapid cutlery
Apr 17, 2007

php:
<?
"it's george costanza" ?>
mke your linkedin photo Goku

Wild EEPROM
Jul 29, 2011


oh, my, god. Becky, look at her bitrate.
make sure you make a super gimmicky resume, it will ensure you are hired 100%

<html>
<name>Wild EEPROM</head>
<title>java rockstar black belt 3rd dan</title>
<li>
<*>(420)219-6969
<*>wildeeprom@gmail.com
</li>
<body>
<p>hello sir or madman i am looking for job in funy computer beep boop

</body>
</html>

ConanTheLibrarian
Aug 13, 2004


dis buch is late
Fallen Rib

Wild EEPROM posted:

make sure you make a super gimmicky resume, it will ensure you are hired 100%

<html>
<name>Wild EEPROM</head>
<title>java rockstar black belt 3rd dan</title>
<li>
<*>(420)219-6969
<*>wildeeprom@gmail.com
</li>
<body>
<p>hello sir or madman i am looking for job in funy computer beep boop

</body>
</html>

this, only refer to yourself as a pony

brap
Aug 23, 2004

Grimey Drawer
im the </p>

Mr. Apollo
Nov 8, 2000

VLADIMIR GLUTEN posted:

lol ive never heard of this 'school' in my life and id bet its a thinktank
what school, Ivey? they've been around forever be they like to present themselves as "the" Canadian business school. lots of alumni like to think of it as the Canadian Wharton or Harvard business school.

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud
Apr 7, 2003


Mr. Apollo posted:

what school, Ivey? they've been around forever be they like to present themselves as "the" Canadian business school. lots of alumni like to think of it as the Canadian Wharton or Harvard business school.

ahahaha the canadian inferiority complex is amazing

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

we vibin'
we slidin'
we breathin'
we dyin'

fleshweasel posted:

im the </piss>

Notorious b.s.d.
Jan 25, 2003

by Reene

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

there's this moment in born rich where ivana trump relates a vignette about how during one of the times he was bankrupt, her dad pointed a homeless man out to her as they were leaving the tower named after him and remarked how that man was richer than he was

then the cameras followed her around her old room in said tower that had apparently never been touched since she moved out as a teen

the difference between a bankrupt trump and a homeless man is liquidity

having $0 in total assets doesn't matter much if you have $20 million in liquid cash

Moist von Lipwig
Oct 28, 2006

by FactsAreUseless
Tortured By Flan

Citizen Tayne posted:

ahahaha the pittsburgh inferiority complex is amazing

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FamDav
Mar 29, 2008

god bless the steelers for being just an amazing team over the years, but my favorite historical fact is that the only reason they dont suck is because they took 3 million from the league to cross over into the AFC. before that they had (and still have problem) the record for worst season ever.

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