We love the StarWars EU this much *outstretched arms nailed to Luu'uks X-Wing*

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > We love the StarWars EU this much *outstretched arms nailed to Luu'uks X-Wing*

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Moola: Aug 16, 2006

Groovelord Neato posted:

It's kinda funny reading the CD thread about the prequels because they just ignore how wrong the prequels are with "everyone's lying in the OT". And yeah it makes everything so lame since you seen it "before".

gently caress you for making me go into CD

That thread is loving terrible

# ? Dec 30, 2014 12:57

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# ? Jun 5, 2024 22:04

Hingehead: Nov 24, 2013

Action Shakespeare posted:

if ig-88 succeeded in taking over the death star, star wars would have become battlestar galactica

A large portion of the Death Star with IG-88 intact, jettisoned into a far off flung of the outer rim of the galaxy and into a black hole, ultimately traveling to an another galaxy of another time, the era of the battlestar galatica in the milky way galaxy. IG-88 and the death star became the cyclon, a precursor to the borgs in which they mastered time travel, going back into time , effectively changing the course of human history to the point where humanity have been led to the era of star trek instead of the battlestar galatic era as they mastered space travel and diplomacy instead of space battles.

# ? Dec 30, 2014 16:34

Fetus Tree: Feb 2, 2003; Can't post for 2 years!

Hingehead posted:

A large portion of the Death Star with IG-88 intact, jettisoned into a far off flung of the outer rim of the galaxy and into a black hole, ultimately traveling to an another galaxy of another time, the era of the battlestar galatica in the milky way galaxy. IG-88 and the death star became the cyclon, a precursor to the borgs in which they mastered time travel, going back into time , effectively changing the course of human history to the point where humanity have been led to the era of star trek instead of the battlestar galatic era as they mastered space travel and diplomacy instead of space battles.

thought this was a real thing until the BSG part

# ? Dec 30, 2014 16:54

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

Moola posted:

gently caress you for making me go into CD

That thread is loving terrible

It's really all SuperMechaGodzilla's fault.

# ? Dec 30, 2014 17:12

Moola: Aug 16, 2006

that is true of all of CD

# ? Dec 30, 2014 17:28

Groovelord Neato: Dec 6, 2014

zakharov posted:

It's really all SuperMechaGodzilla's fault.

Actually aint this time, most of the people defending the badness and inconsistencies of the prequels with "everyone lied in the OT" aren't he.

# ? Dec 30, 2014 17:32

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

His virus is spreading.

# ? Dec 30, 2014 17:36

Moola: Aug 16, 2006

IMO this movie that most people think is bad, is in fact, very good - a goon

# ? Dec 30, 2014 17:38

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007

Groovelord Neato posted:

Actually aint this time, most of the people defending the badness and inconsistencies of the prequels with "everyone lied in the OT" aren't he.

Why do you spend so much time in a thread you hate?

Puzzling.

# ? Dec 30, 2014 18:11

5er: Jun 1, 2000

Moola posted:

IMO this movie that most people think is bad, is in fact, very good - a goon

posts unrelated anime screencap - the next goon

This forum pretty much thrives on threads that take shits all over obviously popular opinions maintained by the insular, defensive community.

I can't tell if this thread is a 'to wit' to that statement, or something else entirely with how much serious posting there is going on about the dreadful black pit that was star wars eu. I still think the schadenfreude to reap from outraged nerds over Disney declaring it all non-canon is downright nutritious.

# ? Dec 30, 2014 18:18

Fetus Tree: Feb 2, 2003; Can't post for 2 years!

Lets not CD infect this thread imo we have a good thing going

# ? Dec 30, 2014 18:33

happyhippy: Feb 21, 2005; Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup; Pillbug

Groovelord Neato posted:

Everything about the prequels is bad. Everything.

Maul was the only good thing from the prequels, and of course George had to go gently caress him up.
Maul oozed being evil, and had two sabers, so you thought he was twice as bad with them.

He should have been the main nemesis of the 3 prequels.
He should have killed Qui Gon in the first and escaped.
Obi-wan then spends the second hunting for him, finding out more about the Clones at the same time, and is tempted by the dark side during it. Anakin saves him at the end but starts getting tempted himself.
Third film is just Anakin wanting to win the clone war all by himself and Obi not noticing poo poo until the betrayal. Then its a 45 min fight on lava and poo poo of just Obi just trying to escape.

gently caress sake George.

# ? Dec 30, 2014 18:36

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

happyhippy posted:

Maul was the only good thing from the prequels, and of course George had to go gently caress him up.
Maul oozed being evil, and had two sabers, so you thought he was twice as bad with them.

He should have been the main nemesis of the 3 prequels.
He should have killed Qui Gon in the first and escaped.
Obi-wan then spends the second hunting for him, finding out more about the Clones at the same time, and is tempted by the dark side during it. Anakin saves him at the end but starts getting tempted himself.
Third film is just Anakin wanting to win the clone war all by himself and Obi not noticing poo poo until the betrayal. Then its a 45 min fight on lava and poo poo of just Obi just trying to escape.

gently caress sake George.

You probably thought this up 2 minutes ago

Lucas had 20 loving years and did a worse job

# ? Dec 30, 2014 18:38

Groovelord Neato: Dec 6, 2014

happyhippy posted:

Maul was the only good thing from the prequels, and of course George had to go gently caress him up.
Maul oozed being evil, and had two sabers, so you thought he was twice as bad with them.

He should have been the main nemesis of the 3 prequels.
He should have killed Qui Gon in the first and escaped.
Obi-wan then spends the second hunting for him, finding out more about the Clones at the same time, and is tempted by the dark side during it. Anakin saves him at the end but starts getting tempted himself.
Third film is just Anakin wanting to win the clone war all by himself and Obi not noticing poo poo until the betrayal. Then its a 45 min fight on lava and poo poo of just Obi just trying to escape.

gently caress sake George.

On the other hand he looks like a devil and uses a stupid lightsaber.

# ? Dec 30, 2014 18:43

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

Groovelord Neato posted:

On the other hand he looks like a devil and uses a stupid lightsaber.

There's a literal man-dog teddy bear thing in the original series

We aren't looking for high art here, just some non-lovely entertainment

loving trade federations.... It's like a sci-fi fantasy series written by Alan Greenspan

# ? Dec 30, 2014 18:48

Improbable Lobster: Jan 6, 2012; "From each according to his ability" said Ares. It sounded like a quotation.; Buglord

happyhippy posted:

Maul was the only good thing from the prequels, and of course George had to go gently caress him up.
Maul oozed being evil, and had two sabers, so you thought he was twice as bad with them.

He should have been the main nemesis of the 3 prequels.
He should have killed Qui Gon in the first and escaped.
Obi-wan then spends the second hunting for him, finding out more about the Clones at the same time, and is tempted by the dark side during it. Anakin saves him at the end but starts getting tempted himself.
Third film is just Anakin wanting to win the clone war all by himself and Obi not noticing poo poo until the betrayal. Then its a 45 min fight on lava and poo poo of just Obi just trying to escape.

gently caress sake George.

What Star Wars threads really need is more fanfiction

# ? Dec 30, 2014 19:12

happyhippy: Feb 21, 2005; Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup; Pillbug

Improbable Lobster posted:

What Star Wars threads really need is more fanfiction

In Episode 7, I get to suck off Greebo while he is dying to Solo's blastershot.

# ? Dec 30, 2014 19:15

George H.W. Cunt: Oct 6, 2010

happyhippy posted:

Maul was the only good thing from the prequels, and of course George had to go gently caress him up.
Maul oozed being evil, and had two sabers, so you thought he was twice as bad with them.

He should have been the main nemesis of the 3 prequels.
He should have killed Qui Gon in the first and escaped.
Obi-wan then spends the second hunting for him, finding out more about the Clones at the same time, and is tempted by the dark side during it. Anakin saves him at the end but starts getting tempted himself.
Third film is just Anakin wanting to win the clone war all by himself and Obi not noticing poo poo until the betrayal. Then its a 45 min fight on lava and poo poo of just Obi just trying to escape.

gently caress sake George.

wheres the poetry and rhyming

# ? Dec 30, 2014 19:19

Vernii: Dec 7, 2006

happyhippy posted:

Maul was the only good thing from the prequels, and of course George had to go gently caress him up.
Maul oozed being evil, and had two sabers, so you thought he was twice as bad with them.

He should have been the main nemesis of the 3 prequels.
He should have killed Qui Gon in the first and escaped.
Obi-wan then spends the second hunting for him, finding out more about the Clones at the same time, and is tempted by the dark side during it. Anakin saves him at the end but starts getting tempted himself.
Third film is just Anakin wanting to win the clone war all by himself and Obi not noticing poo poo until the betrayal. Then its a 45 min fight on lava and poo poo of just Obi just trying to escape.

gently caress sake George.

Honestly if we're going with simple things that would have vastly improved the prequels:

Antagonist forces use clones instead of droids; Republic has to rely on conscription. Bam, right there you've added more depth to the war because its not just two armies of expendable fucks being tossed into a meatgrinder, it makes Palpatine and his conspirators even more evil, and it deepens the purge of the Jedi from "beep boop human-robots mindlessly following orders" to a more Revolutionary Russia style "We get to shoot our Generals? loving FINALLY."

# ? Dec 30, 2014 19:36

Aesop Poprock: Oct 21, 2008; Grimey Drawer

Moola posted:

gently caress you for making me go into CD

That thread is loving terrible

Are CD posters basically just that Armond White guy who loves and defends lovely action films but despises stuff like There Will Be Blood, and acts like it's because of important socio-political messages in those films that don't actually exist?

The ones who aren't just crazy man children implying molestation occured in A Goofy Movie i mean

# ? Dec 30, 2014 19:41

GET IN THE ROBOT: Nov 28, 2007; JUST GET IN THE FUCKING ROBOT SHINJI

Aesop Poprock posted:

Are CD posters basically just that Armond White guy who loves and defends lovely action films but despises stuff like There Will Be Blood, and acts like it's because of important socio-political messages in those films that don't actually exist?

The ones who aren't just crazy man children implying molestation occured in A Goofy Movie i mean

Basically yes, you just described 90% of the posters in CineD. The other 10% are people who realize how stupid the forum is but haven't been driven away yet

# ? Dec 30, 2014 20:05

Fetus Tree: Feb 2, 2003; Can't post for 2 years!

lol who got molested in the goof troop movie?

# ? Dec 30, 2014 21:18

happyhippy: Feb 21, 2005; Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup; Pillbug

Aesop Poprock posted:

Are CD posters basically just that Armond White guy who loves and defends lovely action films but despises stuff like There Will Be Blood, and acts like it's because of important socio-political messages in those films that don't actually exist?

The ones who aren't just crazy man children implying molestation occured in A Goofy Movie i mean

lol loving 5.

I first watched Edge of Tomorrow last night and went to CD to see what was discussed about it.
And they were talking about hidden capitalism poo poo between the army and aliens.
Like what. Its a lovely scifi hero movie given a 100 million dollar more budget than it should have had, nothing but.

And we were the ones who got molested in the Goof Troop Movies. All of us.

# ? Dec 30, 2014 21:23

Fetus Tree: Feb 2, 2003; Can't post for 2 years!

i saw the first one of those in the theater

# ? Dec 30, 2014 21:28

Aesop Poprock: Oct 21, 2008; Grimey Drawer

Fetus Tree posted:

lol who got molested in the goof troop movie?

it was that duncan post about koos and mechagodzilla

quote:

The sound of metal chains whipping against bare flesh hang heavy in the air, like a bird flying into a headwind. The room is damp and sparsely lit. SUPERMECHAGODZILLA�s scarred jowls are illuminated by a desk lamp laying sideways on the floor

SUPERMECHAGODZILA
Which reading is true? Which reading is true? WHICH READING IS TRUE!?

KOOS
[Spits mouthful of blood] The words are used specifically for their literal intention, the events are straightforward so as to be easily understood by an audience of children.

The beating begins again, with a furious vigour, until SUPERMECHAGODZILLA can barely stand. He rests one hand against a dirty wall, sweat marring his 1993 Nebraska Film Festival hypercolor t-shirt.

SUPERMECHAGODZILA
The opposite reading is true� The opposite reading is true. I�ve been to college.

KOOS straightens his posture, his pride and dignity unscathed by the days long assault of a fat, stupid man.

KOOS
Any perceived allusions to facism in A Goofy Movie are a wholesale invention of a misguided viewer.

SUPERMECHAGODZILLA adopts the look of a man who has been defeated. Wearily, he grabs a shotgun that had been resting in the corner, and cocks it loudly.

KOOS
Goofy simply wishes to bond with his son through fishing, a traditional pastime, as he had done with his own father. It is neither parable nor allegory. Neither dog was molested, the material does not support this.

# ? Dec 30, 2014 21:47

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

Aesop Poprock posted:

it was that duncan post about koos and mechagodzilla

Christ

Why don't we have an annual goon meeting, but instead of having gross sex in a lovely tent with each other, we can nominate one person and fight them to the death

I pick mechagodzilla

# ? Dec 30, 2014 21:53

Groovelord Neato: Dec 6, 2014

The Cd thread about Star Wars being bad has nothing to do with SMg style misreadings/posting.

# ? Dec 30, 2014 21:57

Name Change: Oct 9, 2005

I try to use CD for what it's for, but every thread turns into SMG (and endless SMG cheerleaders) shouting over people who think time travel is real.

# ? Dec 30, 2014 21:59

zakharov: Nov 30, 2002; Tater Love

Groovelord Neato posted:

The Cd thread about Star Wars being bad has nothing to do with SMg style misreadings/posting.

Right after the new trailer was released he started SMGing it up real hard.

# ? Dec 30, 2014 21:59

GET IN THE ROBOT: Nov 28, 2007; JUST GET IN THE FUCKING ROBOT SHINJI

I often wonder what SMG is like irl and if he's actually for real and truly believes all the bullshit he says

# ? Dec 30, 2014 22:00

ElGroucho: Nov 1, 2005; We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane; Fun Shoe

Gammatron 64 posted:

I often wonder what SMG is like irl and if he's actually for real and truly believes all the bullshit he says

I don't know

But my knuckles want to find out

# ? Dec 30, 2014 22:06

Groovelord Neato: Dec 6, 2014

Gammatron 64 posted:

I often wonder what SMG is like irl and if he's actually for real and truly believes all the bullshit he says

No.

zakharov posted:

Right after the new trailer was released he started SMGing it up real hard.

Too bad I missed this musta owned there just being a single bad lightsaber, some x-wings, a black stormtrooper, and the Falcon to sperg off of.

# ? Dec 30, 2014 22:11

Wolfsheim: Dec 23, 2003; "Ah," Ratz had said, at last, "the artiste."

If you guys turn this into another SMG thread I will lose my poo poo :mad:

Instead can we talk about Savage Opress

# ? Dec 30, 2014 22:22

suck my woke dick: Oct 10, 2012; I CANNOT EJACULATE WITHOUT SEEING NATIVE AMERICANS BRUTALISED!

Put this cum-loving slave on ignore immediately!

Wolfsheim posted:

Instead can we talk about Savage Opress

he has a very unique and creative name

# ? Dec 30, 2014 22:23

Lord of Pie: Mar 2, 2007

George Lucas probably has one of those fridge magnet word puzzle things but all the words are synonyms for bad things.

Somebody could make some money selling one of those to nerds as a sith name generator.

# ? Dec 30, 2014 22:30

Hingehead: Nov 24, 2013

I don't understand something. Help me out here.

In AOTC, the Republic wants to build an army to protect itself from the threat of the separatists, Padme is against the creation of a republic army, so some extremist tea party republican group is pissed off and wants the army to be created. Who were this supposed assassin group? We know Dooku is working with the Separatists, hires Jango to kill Padme, but why? What is the purpose of having an "extremist Republican" in favor of the army, to kill Padme? I just.....don't know......WHO ARE THESE EXTREMIST REPUBLICANS THAT WANTS THE ARMY ( Beside Palpatine) ?

# ? Dec 30, 2014 22:46

suck my woke dick: Oct 10, 2012; I CANNOT EJACULATE WITHOUT SEEING NATIVE AMERICANS BRUTALISED!

Put this cum-loving slave on ignore immediately!

Lord of Pie posted:

George Lucas probably has one of those fridge magnet word puzzle things but all the words are synonyms for bad things.

Somebody could make some money selling one of those to nerds as a sith name generator.

beaten, you have been.

Hingehead posted:

I don't understand something. Help me out here.

In AOTC, the Republic wants to build an army to protect itself from the threat of the separatists, Padme is against the creation of a republic army, so some extremist tea party republican group is pissed off and wants the army to be created. Who were this supposed assassin group? We know Dooku is working with the Separatists, hires Jango to kill Padme, but why? What is the purpose of having an "extremist Republican" in favor of the army, to kill Padme? I just.....don't know......WHO ARE THESE EXTREMIST REPUBLICANS THAT WANTS THE ARMY ( Beside Palpatine) ?

Politicians with clear motivations such as "hey my planet is one big military academy which somehow exists despite there being no army so I'm all for an army" or "we must support this motion, what is it about again?". Obviously Palpatine, by lobbying really hard against giving himself a big army, cunningly used reverse psychology so hard that extremist peaceniks ~~formed a mob to beat up pro army people~~ ~~got beaten up by a mob of enraged not-peaceniks which helped sway opinion or something~~ whatever the gently caress happened you can go read the wookiepedia doorstopper yourself, it's a multi-page text saying :shrug:

reasons

and i have no idea what is going on there since i can't be bothered to read the whole thing. Here you go.

suck my woke dick fucked around with this message at 23:00 on Dec 30, 2014

# ? Dec 30, 2014 22:56

Liquid Dinosaur: Dec 16, 2011; by Smythe

are breasts still canon or are they legends now.

# ? Dec 30, 2014 23:02

suck my woke dick: Oct 10, 2012; I CANNOT EJACULATE WITHOUT SEEING NATIVE AMERICANS BRUTALISED!

Put this cum-loving slave on ignore immediately!

Liquid Dinosaur posted:

are breasts still canon or are they legends now.

quote:

Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope _{(First appearance)}

# ? Dec 30, 2014 23:05

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# ? Jun 5, 2024 22:04

GET IN THE ROBOT: Nov 28, 2007; JUST GET IN THE FUCKING ROBOT SHINJI

All the reactions to the new star wars trailer are pretty drat funny. It's just a bunch of little clips of star wars things with no context. I saw it and was like "welp that sure looks like a star wars movie"

Some people started screaming in excitement which is loving weird because you know we've seen x-wings and the falcon and stormtroopers before, we pretty much know nothing about the new movie and the last 3 were poo poo so I dunno why you'd have very high expectations

Also funny was people trying to find something to complain about, like the lightsaber, the ball droid or a black stormtrooper

Uh... uh.... I gotta find a way to say the new star wars is totally gonna suck! Yeah, the lightsaber's dumb! Movie is gonna suck because the crossguard on the weightless laser sword that can cut through anything is totally impractical and dangerous :ironicat:

# ? Dec 30, 2014 23:06

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