david... posted:

The story doesn't even work within its own context, her made up FBI man says she couldn't call the number even if she knew it, implying it was a closed system...

Some pedo with a weird fetish on Reddit posted:

A friend of mine and her daughter have been crashing at my house while she finds a house in town. Her daughter, like most tiny humans, is full of energy... all the time. Anyway so my friend, who we'll call S, was entertaining her daughter (lower-case s) with a tickle fight. I walked by and she said something about tickling me. I declined because tickles fill me with rage, but she started tickling me anyway because I guess only bitches back down from a tickle fight.

She kept tickling me, so of course my thoughts turned to vengeance. I began tickling back because nobody owns me dammit. Anyway she started laughing and fell over while I tickled her on the ground. She was laughing, her daughter was laughing, and I would too if I were less stoic. So she's laughing and saying "stop" and then suddenly her tone and the way she is holding herself changes. She says stop again, but this time it was more like "STOHAHAUGHAP!" And she started contorting.

I kept tickling because at this point it it was more about making a statement. It was also making her daughter laugh and I find the laughter of children at someone else's misery to be the sweetest thing ever. Suddenly she starts blurting out stuff in her laughter. Something like: "HA HA HA HA OH WAIT OH MY GOD OH HA HA HA FUUUUCK HA HA OOOOHHHH gently caress YEAH" suddenly I realized that S's laughter was now interspersed with the howls of orgasm.

I retracted quickly and S immediately sat up white as a sheet. I kind of mumbled something like "Oh... so you... tickling... oh." And then she realized that her daughter was staring at her quietly wondering what was going on.

S was quiet for a while, then said "Um, honey, I just laughed really hard and it made kind of faint."

"Is that why you peed yourself?" Asked S's daughter.

S looked down, only now realizing that her vagina had been laughing along with her in its own special, sputtering, way.

"YES! Yes, wait, yes that is pee, yes I peed myself. That's pee. I laughed too hard." Her face was now as red as a beet that had just had an embarrassing orgasm.

So S left to go change her clothes and lie on the guest bed for an hour in the fetal position. I asked her if she was okay and she stared at me with fiery eyes of death. We haven't discussed the matter or made consistent eye contact for a couple of days now.

TL;DR: Ticklegasmed a woman in front of her daughter.

EDIT: I'm a guy for those asking.

Drunk Tomato posted:

I had to scroll down depressingly long before I found someone challenging this story.

Fathis Munk posted:

"Ticklegasmed" shows how clever of a person he is. What a writer

sweeperbravo posted:

I'm so sick of clumsy, forced portmanteaus in general. P.s. your gray kitty is so appropriate for this thread

Drunk Tomato posted:

I had to scroll down depressingly long before I found someone challenging this story.

Fathis Munk posted:

Turns out this av is appropriate with a lot of threads on the forum It might get replaced soonish but I very much love it.



Dude is swimming in compliments and upvotes and whatever

EmmyOk posted:

Pretending to be unsure if you did the right thing in your BS story is a crafty way of getting that sweet e-cred. They're still monumentally pathetic but they have a low cunning most other noble internet heroes don't

kinmik posted:

Fathis Munk posted:

Turns out this av is appropriate with a lot of threads on the forum It might get replaced soonish but I very much love it.



Dude is swimming in compliments and upvotes and whatever

quote:

HIGH SCHOOL | CA, USA | RUDE & RISQUE, STUDENTS, TEACHERS
(I’m a substitute teacher. Though fairly large, I am adept at silent movement and often walk around the classroom to ensure students are on task. This day, I found myself pausing as two female students are talking.)

Student #1: “… and last night I had a dream about Mr. [Teacher].”

Student #2: “What happened?”

Student #1: “It was a sexy dream. I have Mr. [Teacher]‘s class today. Life is so unfair.”

Me: “So… who’s Mr. [Teacher]?”

(Both students go rigid and then slowly turn around.)

Student #2: “How long have you been there?”

Me: “Long enough to remind you both that you are in public, so you might want to watch what you say out loud.”

(They quietly worked the rest of the period.)

Khazar-khum posted:

This isn't creepy at all. Nope. No sirree.

Fathis Munk posted:

quote:

My all-time favorite bizarre guest conversation also comes from my time at Innoventions. I was working the door when a heavy thunderstorm blew in out of nowhere. As it was a big, dry location with plenty of things to do, Innoventions was always a favorite with guests trying to wait out the rain, and that day was no exception. A line of guests was streaming in when a woman wearing a poncho stalked up to me.

Her (in an angry voice): Tell them to turn off the rain!

Me (confused): I’m sorry, what?

She was five foot nothing, but managed to fill the room with her voice. People began to stare as she got progressively louder and more upset.

Her: You heard me. I paid thousands of dollars for this vacation, and I don’t appreciate you people deciding to turn on the rain! Tell them to turn it off now!

Me: I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t control the weather. It’s just a Florida thunderstorm, and it should blow over soon. I’m very sorry for the inconvenience.

Her (now shrieking at top volume): Don’t give me that! Get hold of someone in charge! I want the rain turned off right now!

I had a radio, so an idea popped into my head. We were able to tune into Disney’s weather station, which was shockingly accurate in its forecasts.

Me: Yes, ma’am. Let me call someone right now who might be able to help

I made a big show of flipping the channel on my radio.

Me (into radio): God? This is Innoventions Greeter. I have a nice lady in front of me who would like you to turn off the rain, please.

In my earpiece, the automated voice at the weather station told me the storm would pass in 12 minutes.

Me (into radio): Thank you, sir.

Me (to her): Ma’am, He says He will turn off the rain in 12 minutes.

Her (now smiling broadly): 12 minutes? That’s perfect! Thank you so much for your help. Have a good day now!

She trotted off to one of the Innoventions exhibits just as happy as she could be. After she left, several guests in the area came up to congratulate me on my quick thinking and turning the situation around.

quote:

When working the queue at Kilimanjaro Safaris, one of my favorite conversation starters was to ask guests if they were all packed for their “two week safari that’s so exciting, it feels like 20 minutes.” I usually got one of two responses. Either the guest would chuckle and move on or he would play along, coming up with a few items that would be important to pack for two weeks.

One time, however, I accidentally freaked out a businessman. The line had been stopped for a couple of minutes, so I decided to strike up a conversation with the person nearest me.

Me: Sir, your bag looks rather small. Are you sure you have everything you need for a two-week safari?

Him: Two weeks? What do you mean two weeks?

Me: Oh yes, sir. This is a two-week safari. But don’t worry. It only feels like 20 minutes.

Him (turning white and starting to shake): I can’t be gone for two weeks! I’m crucial to my company! I have to go back to work! Why didn’t somebody tell me this thing lasts two weeks!

Me: Sir, I’m sorry. It was just a joke. It’s a 20 minute ride that simulates a safari in Africa.

Him (paying no attention to me): I’m going to get fired. I’m so going to get fired. Why did I come on this stupid vacation? A weekend away. The wife promised just a weekend away. Why did I listen to her? Two weeks!

The line started moving then, and the guest was lost in the crowd. I hope he felt better when he got off the ride and realized it was still the same day.

Fathis Munk posted:

quote:

After she left, several guests in the area came up to congratulate me on my quick thinking and turning the situation around.

kinmik posted:

I can believe a guest was caught off guard by the initial question and freaked out for five seconds, but to start turning white, shaking, and disregarding anything the park employee says is just a little stdh.

Kurtofan posted:

Interesting variant of the "and everybody got up and clapped".

corn in the bible posted:

they get fired if they hug people

Fathis Munk posted:

not... not even gay people coming out ?

Dahlia posted:

I saw this today and immediately thought of this thread. It even has the classic "and then everyone stood up and clapped" bit. For those who don't know, "Lolita" is a frilly street fashion that does indeed come across looking like Alice or Little Bow Peep.





They really showed that drunk guy. Bet he's super respectful and cultured now.

ilysespieces posted:

And Mickey most likely nodded because the teeny little Hispanic woman inside the Mouse costume heard a question and nods at every question.

Drunk Tomato posted:

I believe that the people clapped, if only because they were making fun of the dumbass little bo peep

EmmyOk posted:

At least he wasn't so spastic as to use the confession bear

Biplane posted:

When I worked at EPCOT, on our first orientation day (what Disney calls "Traditions") the example we were given was, even if a guest falls into the lake you are not allowed to touch them to try to help them, call emergency services and hope for the best. The fear of lawsuits is that strong.

My Lovely Horse posted:

Do they say anything about addressing guests' self-harm scars without prompt?