Biplane posted:

When I worked at EPCOT, on our first orientation day (what Disney calls "Traditions") the example we were given was, even if a guest falls into the lake you are not allowed to touch them to try to help them, call emergency services and hope for the best. The fear of lawsuits is that strong.

Fathis Munk posted:

Gridlocked posted:

I dono about kids these days but when I was 12 I was still sniggering at the word penis let alone being able to identify my sexuality beyond "I held hands with [Name] and it was awesome. She came to by birthday party and gave me a card."

Hell kids were still singing "[Name] and [Other Name] sitting in a tree."

YeahTubaMike posted:

I believe this, the same way I believe a child when they say that Santa totally came to their house. In both cases, the storyteller believes what they're saying, but we all know it was just somebody loving with them.

Gridlocked posted:

Hell kids were still singing "[Name] and [Other Name] sitting in a tree."

WaltherFeng posted:

Yes, sir, everything went as planned. Yes, sir. Good bye,

Mr. President

quote:

Roommate works for gamestop, some kid thought he needed a case to trade in.

A Fancy 400 lbs posted:

Which Zappa, Dweezil or Moon Unit?

Zaphod42 posted:

Uh, Frank? Hello?

Zaphod42 posted:

I am totally using "The Blade of Zappa" in my next D&D campaign.

quote:

It’s Your (Red) Cross To Bear
Airport | Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography, Students

(I am Swiss and obviously have my passport in hand at airports. The Swiss passport is red with a white cross on it, like the flag. When queueing to enter the airplane a version of this conversation happens nearly every time:)

Stranger: “Oh, my god! You have a Red Cross passport! Are you from the Red Cross?!”

Me: “Haha, no, it’s a Swiss passport.”

(Since when is the Red Cross a country?)

quote:

This Is Not What A Feminist Looks Like
BOOKSTORE | DAYTON, OH, USA | BIZARRE, BOOKS & READING, LANGUAGE & WORDS, POLITICS
(A woman approaches me at the counter, looking over her shoulder as if she is looking out for someone.)

Me: “Can I… help you, ma’am?”

Woman: “Yes, um, I was wondering if you had any books about…” *drops her voice to an urgent whisper* “… the ‘F’ word.”

Me: “Well, um, we have the ‘Kama Sutra’ in our world cultures section and our romance novel and erotica are—”

Woman: “No, no! The other ‘F’-word.”

Me: *thoroughly confused* “I’m afraid I’m not following ,ma’am…”

Woman: “The ‘F’-word, you know!”

Me: “Really, ma’am, I don’t. Would you like to write it down for me to—”

Woman: “FOR CHRIST’S SAKE! FEMINISM! I’m looking for a book on feminism! Now the whole store knows my business! THANK YOU!”

(She proceeds to quickly flee the store, apologizing to other patrons as she leaves.)

Next Customer: “Is she going to be all right?”

Me: “I certainly hope so.”

Khazar-khum posted:

The f word.

oh gently caress you posted:

I used to work at an "Italian" restaurant which I won't name—rhymes with "Shmolive Garden"—and one day a woman sitting in my section flags me down. "I'm sorry to bother you, sir," she says, "But I am just not good with fancy I-talian words. This sounds good and I know it's what I want, but would you help teach me how to say it?"

I obliged and had her point to her item on the menu...

"Ah. Spaghetti and Meatballs. Don't worry, ma'am. Plenty of people have trouble with that one."

SHUT UP posted:

I'm the manager at Fancy Kitchen Store in Upscale Suburban Mall, Calif. We close at 9 and at 8:55 a woman comes storming in with a rectangular cake pan. She sets it down on the counter and I see brownies in the pan. A couple are missing though.

"I made these with YOUR brownie mix last night and they are TERRIBLE!" She slams down the package of Trader Joe's brownie mix in front of me. I do not work at Trader Joe's.

A slight smile comes over my face as I figure out how to play this. "OK, well, I'm so sorry to hear that, AND...I think Trader Joe's owes you an apology!"

"Huh?"

"You see, this is Trader Joe's mix and we're not Trader Joe's. Let me see what the deal is with these."

I took a bite and spit it out immediately. She, or someone, had used laundry detergent instead of sugar or flour in the mix. It was so gross. So much soap flavor!

She was so embarrassed that I got her to buy some stuff from me. Also, I made my other associate taste the brownies before I tossed them. "Hey Jen, do these taste odd to you??"

Jen still hates me for that.

My Lovely Horse posted:

I thought the whole point of baking mixes was that there are flour and sugar already in them.

IrvingWashington posted:

It would be a good trick to make someone eat laundry soap brownies, I guess. If it happened.

Paladinus posted:

This is fantastic. Someone should post this on reddit as STDH by the customer who pranked staff into eating detergent.

corn in the bible posted:

I'm pretty sure if you mixed laundry detergent with food then the food would be poisonous

quote:

I recently showed my 9th grade students Blade Runner.

After the movie I asked them "How many explosions did you count?"

They thought about it for a minute.

"Do gun shots count?"

"No."

"Er... none, I guess."

"That's right. Because the movie was too busy exploring plot and character and didn't have to rely on an explosion every 15 minutes to hide the fact that there was neither."

And that was my introduction to story in film.

flashy_mcflash posted:

I have one from an actual person I know, though I strongly suspect this is poo poo That Did Happen. To set the scene, he is - no lie - overseas teaching in Mongolia.

Kurtofan posted:

I put the tortoise back on its feet and everybody got up and clapped.

Kurtofan posted:

I put the tortoise back on its feet and everybody got up and clapped.

quote:

A new bouncer at my regular bar and I were chatting about this that and the other thing, and as we did, a fire truck rolled by, and I made a comment along the lines of "Man, firefighters are the real heroes. None of the authority, all the (or more) risk to life and limb, and you'll never hear about them "accidentally" killing someone for no real reason. Firefighters are basically the only public employees I can maintain any respect for."

Dude goes OFF on a tirade about the risks cops face, how every day they're out there risking their life and limb, and today might be they day they just don't come home at all, and by the way, at your job, whatever that is, how often do you face risk of instant death? He punctuates this by pulling out his badge.

I smile, and say "Well, as a motorsports photographer, I face the risk of instant gory death every single day that I'm at work on the track. I even have some fun, if blurry, photos of me narrowly avoiding death or maiming, if you'd like to see them. And by the by, your response to my sentiment only reinforces my opinions and lack of respect for police. Real heroes don't need headlines, real heroes don't piss and moan about how dangerous and hard their lives are, they just go out and get the job done. So enjoy your self persecution, and remember that anytime you feel bad, or disrespected, you can just go out and murder someone and have all your cop buddies cover for you, while you get 2 weeks paid vacation when you ought to be in prison. Oh, and nice county cop badge by the way. My friend, who is a city cop (whom I've also had this discussion with and who agrees with me on most points) would be ashamed to hear your rant, and would likely agree with me that your attitude really is one of the primary reasons behind that lack of respect."

tacodaemon posted:

For some reason I found myself reading a Fark thread about NY cops and their back-turning protests, and I found this gem:

Rudager posted:

If this really happened, I hope the guy got slapped in his smug face shortly afterwards.

tacodaemon posted:

Also someone else in the Fark thread called him out on the STDH and he posted more additional blathering than I feel like quoting.

Non Serviam posted:

In that post he repeatedly refers to his many photos showing his near death experiences. He describes those photos in detail.

... And then doesn't post the photos.

jodai posted:

If it really happened, he would have got shut down somewhere in his monologue, probably after the "reinforces my sentiments" because if he already thinks you're an rear end in a top hat, why not prove him right?

E: no wait maybe the point was that some cops are really good people because the cop let him talk all that poo poo and then just kinda nodded and moved away from him instead of (insert cool term for beating the guy up).