Scottish Fitbaw 2014/15 Edition: Now With Less Edinburgh!

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Bape Culture: Sep 13, 2006

Russ posted:

It's May 2008 on a Saturday at about 1:45pm. I am sitting in the Accies Vaults pub. Hamilton Accies play Clyde in the 2nd last game of the season knowing that a win will guarantee promotion to the top tier of Scottish football for the first time in my life. The stadium round the corner holds 5000 people, although has never really been more than half full. Radio Scotland is the background noise in the pub, with the TV showing Sky Sports News. My friend and I plan to have one more drink before going round the corner to pay at the gate. Richard Gordon on the radio is interviewing Hamilton club secretary Scott Struthers, who informs listeners that they expect a sell out and if the fans keep coming in at this rate, the ground will be full by 2pm. We leave most of our pints and run round the corner.

Upon entering the stadium, we find seats. My friend is at the end of a row in the main stand near the halfway line. I am in the next seat inwards to his right. I notice something about the person sitting next to me. It is not the usual old man smelling of beer and urine and fags and somehow more urine. It is a girl in her early twenties. She has long blonde hair and is physically attractive. She is on her own. This is not a usual sight at a Hamilton Accies match.

There's a lot of excitement in the stands. Promotion was unthinkable just 8 years ago when we found ourselves in the bottom tier of Scottish football and about to go out of business with no money, stadium or chairman. My friend smiles at me, nodding in the direction of the young lady to my right. I make face. It is a face that acknowledges I am seated next to a girl.

The match begins. The girl is enthusiastic. She shouts the players names and encourages Accies in the way that I would do so myself. She is around my age, physically attractive, knowledgeable about football and knowledgeable about my small obscure football team. I am pleased with how the situation is panning out, and begin to look forward to our first embrace when the goals flow. Maybe we exchange a smile when it's 1-0. A celebratory hug at full time. A quick drink after the game to celebrate. A passionate embrace outside Mecca Bingo near the train station. Numbers are exchanged. A relationship forms. Season tickets are bought together. A child called Jose Quitongo is born. A love lasts eternal.

Hamilton win 2-0 and are promoted. The girl is ecstatic, jumping for joy and joining in the celebrations with me, my friend and others around. The captain Alex Neil, one of my favourite players and one of the main reasons we are going up, jumps into the stands at full time. He runs up the stairs. He is pumping his fists in celebration. That's when I realise it. He's running towards me. I shout "ALEX!" and pump my fist in conjunction with his. Other fans try to grab him and hug him, but he pushes them off. He has a huge smile on his face and he's rushing towards me. He's now just a few feet away and I prepare to grab him in a manly show of affection. I don't think my life can get any better. My football team is promoted, I've met a great attractive girl and the club captain has singled me out of a crowd of 5000 people to come and celebrate with. I extend my arm out around his shoulder.

He pushes me off.

I am shoved out of the way for Alex Neil to get close to the girl beside me, his girlfriend at the time who is now his wife. They kiss next to me. Neil then leads her by the hand down the stairs onto the pitch where they celebrate together. She gets to hold the cup. The other players and their wives/partners are delighted to see her. I am left alone, and now the face is being made by my friend.

gently caress you Alex "Cockblock" Neil and your slutty teasing whore of a girlfriend/wife, I hate you so much and I am glad you have left my country and I hope that Norwich get relegated and Kyle Lafferty has sex with your missus and you get fired and live in poverty forever.

I am surprised you didn't stay in the pub, Russ.

# ? Jan 7, 2015 22:21

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# ? Jun 9, 2024 00:39

vyelkin: Jan 2, 2011

serious gaylord posted:

Goldmine

# ? Jan 7, 2015 22:22

serious gaylord: Sep 16, 2007; what.

Bape Culture posted:

I am surprised you didn't stay in the pub, Russ.

Goldmine

# ? Jan 7, 2015 23:05

Troy Queef: Jan 12, 2013

Russ posted:

It's May 2008 on a Saturday at about 1:45pm. I am sitting in the Accies Vaults pub. Hamilton Accies play Clyde in the 2nd last game of the season knowing that a win will guarantee promotion to the top tier of Scottish football for the first time in my life. The stadium round the corner holds 5000 people, although has never really been more than half full. Radio Scotland is the background noise in the pub, with the TV showing Sky Sports News. My friend and I plan to have one more drink before going round the corner to pay at the gate. Richard Gordon on the radio is interviewing Hamilton club secretary Scott Struthers, who informs listeners that they expect a sell out and if the fans keep coming in at this rate, the ground will be full by 2pm. We leave most of our pints and run round the corner.

Upon entering the stadium, we find seats. My friend is at the end of a row in the main stand near the halfway line. I am in the next seat inwards to his right. I notice something about the person sitting next to me. It is not the usual old man smelling of beer and urine and fags and somehow more urine. It is a girl in her early twenties. She has long blonde hair and is physically attractive. She is on her own. This is not a usual sight at a Hamilton Accies match.

There's a lot of excitement in the stands. Promotion was unthinkable just 8 years ago when we found ourselves in the bottom tier of Scottish football and about to go out of business with no money, stadium or chairman. My friend smiles at me, nodding in the direction of the young lady to my right. I make face. It is a face that acknowledges I am seated next to a girl.

The match begins. The girl is enthusiastic. She shouts the players names and encourages Accies in the way that I would do so myself. She is around my age, physically attractive, knowledgeable about football and knowledgeable about my small obscure football team. I am pleased with how the situation is panning out, and begin to look forward to our first embrace when the goals flow. Maybe we exchange a smile when it's 1-0. A celebratory hug at full time. A quick drink after the game to celebrate. A passionate embrace outside Mecca Bingo near the train station. Numbers are exchanged. A relationship forms. Season tickets are bought together. A child called Jose Quitongo is born. A love lasts eternal.

Hamilton win 2-0 and are promoted. The girl is ecstatic, jumping for joy and joining in the celebrations with me, my friend and others around. The captain Alex Neil, one of my favourite players and one of the main reasons we are going up, jumps into the stands at full time. He runs up the stairs. He is pumping his fists in celebration. That's when I realise it. He's running towards me. I shout "ALEX!" and pump my fist in conjunction with his. Other fans try to grab him and hug him, but he pushes them off. He has a huge smile on his face and he's rushing towards me. He's now just a few feet away and I prepare to grab him in a manly show of affection. I don't think my life can get any better. My football team is promoted, I've met a great attractive girl and the club captain has singled me out of a crowd of 5000 people to come and celebrate with. I extend my arm out around his shoulder.

He pushes me off.

I am shoved out of the way for Alex Neil to get close to the girl beside me, his girlfriend at the time who is now his wife. They kiss next to me. Neil then leads her by the hand down the stairs onto the pitch where they celebrate together. She gets to hold the cup. The other players and their wives/partners are delighted to see her. I am left alone, and now the face is being made by my friend.

gently caress you Alex "Cockblock" Neil and your slutty teasing whore of a girlfriend/wife, I hate you so much and I am glad you have left my country and I hope that Norwich get relegated and Kyle Lafferty has sex with your missus and you get fired and live in poverty forever.

beautiful imo

# ? Jan 7, 2015 23:31

Blue Star Error: Jun 11, 2001; For this recipie you will need:
Football match (Halftime of), Celebrity Owner (Motivational speaking of), Sherry (Bottle of)

I'm still none the wiser about if he's any good at managing tbh that post hasn't helped me at all

# ? Jan 7, 2015 23:39

jre: Sep 2, 2011; To the cloud ?

Blue Star Error posted:

I'm still none the wiser about if he's any good at managing tbh that post hasn't helped me at all

Hamilton were probably favourites for relegation at the beginning of the season but they were top of the league for much of the first half of the season and are currently 3rd , 4 points off the top. They are a tiny club with no resources. Make of that what you will

# ? Jan 8, 2015 00:14

Mr. Mambold: Feb 13, 2011; Aha. Nice post.

Bape Culture posted:

I am surprised you didn't stay in the pub, Russ.

Aha

# ? Jan 8, 2015 00:26

Bea Nanner: Oct 20, 2003; Je suis excité!

jre posted:

Ashley has just appointed a new finance director called Barry Leach. At least he has a sense of humour.

I'm glad The Barry Hunter is still in action.

# ? Jan 8, 2015 01:41

DrWrestling69: Feb 4, 2008; Tracyanne...

Russ posted:

It's May 2008 on a Saturday at about 1:45pm. I am sitting in the Accies Vaults pub. Hamilton Accies play Clyde in the 2nd last game of the season knowing that a win will guarantee promotion to the top tier of Scottish football for the first time in my life. The stadium round the corner holds 5000 people, although has never really been more than half full. Radio Scotland is the background noise in the pub, with the TV showing Sky Sports News. My friend and I plan to have one more drink before going round the corner to pay at the gate. Richard Gordon on the radio is interviewing Hamilton club secretary Scott Struthers, who informs listeners that they expect a sell out and if the fans keep coming in at this rate, the ground will be full by 2pm. We leave most of our pints and run round the corner.

Upon entering the stadium, we find seats. My friend is at the end of a row in the main stand near the halfway line. I am in the next seat inwards to his right. I notice something about the person sitting next to me. It is not the usual old man smelling of beer and urine and fags and somehow more urine. It is a girl in her early twenties. She has long blonde hair and is physically attractive. She is on her own. This is not a usual sight at a Hamilton Accies match.

There's a lot of excitement in the stands. Promotion was unthinkable just 8 years ago when we found ourselves in the bottom tier of Scottish football and about to go out of business with no money, stadium or chairman. My friend smiles at me, nodding in the direction of the young lady to my right. I make face. It is a face that acknowledges I am seated next to a girl.

The match begins. The girl is enthusiastic. She shouts the players names and encourages Accies in the way that I would do so myself. She is around my age, physically attractive, knowledgeable about football and knowledgeable about my small obscure football team. I am pleased with how the situation is panning out, and begin to look forward to our first embrace when the goals flow. Maybe we exchange a smile when it's 1-0. A celebratory hug at full time. A quick drink after the game to celebrate. A passionate embrace outside Mecca Bingo near the train station. Numbers are exchanged. A relationship forms. Season tickets are bought together. A child called Jose Quitongo is born. A love lasts eternal.

Hamilton win 2-0 and are promoted. The girl is ecstatic, jumping for joy and joining in the celebrations with me, my friend and others around. The captain Alex Neil, one of my favourite players and one of the main reasons we are going up, jumps into the stands at full time. He runs up the stairs. He is pumping his fists in celebration. That's when I realise it. He's running towards me. I shout "ALEX!" and pump my fist in conjunction with his. Other fans try to grab him and hug him, but he pushes them off. He has a huge smile on his face and he's rushing towards me. He's now just a few feet away and I prepare to grab him in a manly show of affection. I don't think my life can get any better. My football team is promoted, I've met a great attractive girl and the club captain has singled me out of a crowd of 5000 people to come and celebrate with. I extend my arm out around his shoulder.

He pushes me off.

I am shoved out of the way for Alex Neil to get close to the girl beside me, his girlfriend at the time who is now his wife. They kiss next to me. Neil then leads her by the hand down the stairs onto the pitch where they celebrate together. She gets to hold the cup. The other players and their wives/partners are delighted to see her. I am left alone, and now the face is being made by my friend.

gently caress you Alex "Cockblock" Neil and your slutty teasing whore of a girlfriend/wife, I hate you so much and I am glad you have left my country and I hope that Norwich get relegated and Kyle Lafferty has sex with your missus and you get fired and live in poverty forever.

Should have just went to the palace that night to celebrate.

# ? Jan 8, 2015 10:10

chuggo is BACK: Jul 1, 2008; "Chuggo"

PWM POTM December 2014

Russ posted:

It's May 2008 on a Saturday at about 1:45pm. I am sitting in the Accies Vaults pub. Hamilton Accies play Clyde in the 2nd last game of the season knowing that a win will guarantee promotion to the top tier of Scottish football for the first time in my life. The stadium round the corner holds 5000 people, although has never really been more than half full. Radio Scotland is the background noise in the pub, with the TV showing Sky Sports News. My friend and I plan to have one more drink before going round the corner to pay at the gate. Richard Gordon on the radio is interviewing Hamilton club secretary Scott Struthers, who informs listeners that they expect a sell out and if the fans keep coming in at this rate, the ground will be full by 2pm. We leave most of our pints and run round the corner.

Upon entering the stadium, we find seats. My friend is at the end of a row in the main stand near the halfway line. I am in the next seat inwards to his right. I notice something about the person sitting next to me. It is not the usual old man smelling of beer and urine and fags and somehow more urine. It is a girl in her early twenties. She has long blonde hair and is physically attractive. She is on her own. This is not a usual sight at a Hamilton Accies match.

There's a lot of excitement in the stands. Promotion was unthinkable just 8 years ago when we found ourselves in the bottom tier of Scottish football and about to go out of business with no money, stadium or chairman. My friend smiles at me, nodding in the direction of the young lady to my right. I make face. It is a face that acknowledges I am seated next to a girl.

The match begins. The girl is enthusiastic. She shouts the players names and encourages Accies in the way that I would do so myself. She is around my age, physically attractive, knowledgeable about football and knowledgeable about my small obscure football team. I am pleased with how the situation is panning out, and begin to look forward to our first embrace when the goals flow. Maybe we exchange a smile when it's 1-0. A celebratory hug at full time. A quick drink after the game to celebrate. A passionate embrace outside Mecca Bingo near the train station. Numbers are exchanged. A relationship forms. Season tickets are bought together. A child called Jose Quitongo is born. A love lasts eternal.

Hamilton win 2-0 and are promoted. The girl is ecstatic, jumping for joy and joining in the celebrations with me, my friend and others around. The captain Alex Neil, one of my favourite players and one of the main reasons we are going up, jumps into the stands at full time. He runs up the stairs. He is pumping his fists in celebration. That's when I realise it. He's running towards me. I shout "ALEX!" and pump my fist in conjunction with his. Other fans try to grab him and hug him, but he pushes them off. He has a huge smile on his face and he's rushing towards me. He's now just a few feet away and I prepare to grab him in a manly show of affection. I don't think my life can get any better. My football team is promoted, I've met a great attractive girl and the club captain has singled me out of a crowd of 5000 people to come and celebrate with. I extend my arm out around his shoulder.

He pushes me off.

I am shoved out of the way for Alex Neil to get close to the girl beside me, his girlfriend at the time who is now his wife. They kiss next to me. Neil then leads her by the hand down the stairs onto the pitch where they celebrate together. She gets to hold the cup. The other players and their wives/partners are delighted to see her. I am left alone, and now the face is being made by my friend.

gently caress you Alex "Cockblock" Neil and your slutty teasing whore of a girlfriend/wife, I hate you so much and I am glad you have left my country and I hope that Norwich get relegated and Kyle Lafferty has sex with your missus and you get fired and live in poverty forever.

Git tae gently caress

# ? Jan 8, 2015 14:40

Troy Queef: Jan 12, 2013

In non-Hamilton Accies news: Felix Magath has been revealed as owning 1% of Rangers.

Sales of medicine balls, curd cheese (it's good for healing muscle strains) and running shoes are expected to increase in Strathclyde as a result.

# ? Jan 9, 2015 11:31

Orchestrated Mess: Dec 12, 2009; Fuck art. Let's dance.

Christ I love Scottish football

Write a book, Russ

# ? Jan 9, 2015 13:05

euroboy: Mar 24, 2004

'mon the Hibs

# ? Jan 9, 2015 15:46

jre: Sep 2, 2011; To the cloud ?

Neil confirmed as Norwich boss

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/30744801

quote:

Championship side Norwich City have appointed Hamilton Academical player-manager Alex Neil as their new boss.
The 33-year-old Scot has signed a one-year rolling contract and replaces Neil Adams, who resigned on Monday.
Neil leaves Hamilton third in the Scottish Premiership, four points behind leaders Aberdeen, after leading them to promotion last season.
"I'm absolutely delighted to have the opportunity to cockblock Russ," said Neil.

# ? Jan 9, 2015 16:32

Total Meatlove: Jan 28, 2007; Rangers died, shoujo Hitler cried ;_;

The idea of Kris Boyd and Felix Magath existing at the same club has cheered me right up

# ? Jan 9, 2015 17:33

Blue Star Error: Jun 11, 2001; For this recipie you will need:
Football match (Halftime of), Celebrity Owner (Motivational speaking of), Sherry (Bottle of)

I think the local paper was using a photo of Russ' s post

# ? Jan 9, 2015 18:45

Earthy Ape Unit: Jun 17, 2014; by XyloJW

Blue Star Error posted:

I think the local paper was using a photo of Russ' s post

that whole image is so scottish jesus h christ

# ? Jan 9, 2015 18:50

Blue Star Error: Jun 11, 2001; For this recipie you will need:
Football match (Halftime of), Celebrity Owner (Motivational speaking of), Sherry (Bottle of)

For real though I've been reading about Neil and his Hamiltons and they seem like good lads who mean well in a league (and indeed country) full of bad lads who mean ill.

Hopefully having their manager pinched doesn't derail them too much, and also hopefully he headbutts Bassong and tells him to git tae gently caress.

# ? Jan 9, 2015 18:55

African AIDS cum: Feb 29, 2012; Welcome back, welcome back, welcome baaaack

Blue Star Error posted:

I think the local paper was using a photo of Russ' s post

Guesses on the age of the goblin in the lower left?

# ? Jan 9, 2015 19:00

Earthy Ape Unit: Jun 17, 2014; by XyloJW

African AIDS cum posted:

Guesses on the age of the goblin in the lower left?

looks 69 but probably 42.0

# ? Jan 9, 2015 19:05

The Hausu Usher: Feb 9, 2010; Screaming is the only useful thing that we can do.

jre posted:

Neil confirmed as Norwich boss

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/30744801

Just noticed yer edit. Ha!

I wonder if Neil will wear a Norwich strip under his trackies, just incase he's needed.

# ? Jan 9, 2015 19:15

Blue Star Error: Jun 11, 2001; For this recipie you will need:
Football match (Halftime of), Celebrity Owner (Motivational speaking of), Sherry (Bottle of)

BisonDollah posted:

Just noticed yer edit. Ha!

I wonder if Neil will wear a Norwich strip under his trackies, just incase he's needed.

I believe he was transferred as a player so it could happen

# ? Jan 9, 2015 19:18

trem_two: Oct 22, 2002; it is better if you keep saying I'm fat, as I will continue to score goals; Fun Shoe

Blue Star Error posted:

I believe he was transferred as a player so it could happen

He was registered as a player today, according to the Twitterers.

# ? Jan 9, 2015 22:12

jre: Sep 2, 2011; To the cloud ?

What the gently caress STV ?

# ? Jan 12, 2015 23:38

Total Meatlove: Jan 28, 2007; Rangers died, shoujo Hitler cried ;_;

Sarver has said in an interview with Sky that he offered �18m for the club on the condition that there was a transfer freeze, and then 24 hours later MacLeod was sold to Brentford for �750k.

The board aren't content with setting fire to the place, they're salting the ground afterwards.

# ? Jan 13, 2015 09:27

jre: Sep 2, 2011; To the cloud ?

Celtic are trying to sign Gary MacKay Steven

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/30799180

# ? Jan 13, 2015 18:51

Thrifting Day!: Nov 25, 2006

I get that his contract is up in 6 months, but the �80,000 offer from Sheff Utd was hilariously bad.

# ? Jan 14, 2015 11:55

jre: Sep 2, 2011; To the cloud ?

Haggis Heed posted:

I get that his contract is up in 6 months, but the �80,000 offer from Sheff Utd was hilariously bad.

I talking about this with a friend, and said we've no chance since Sheffield have offered �800,000, then he pointed out what they'd actually offered. I hope United's reply was a fax with "gently caress OFF" on it in 100pt type.

# ? Jan 14, 2015 15:02

Coohoolin: Aug 5, 2012; Oor Coohoolie.

There's been some rumours flying about that we're after him as well, but I doubt much will come of it. We're pretty well off as far as wingers go. Although there has been talk of spending a bit more now that our debt's cleared, but who knows what that will entail.

# ? Jan 14, 2015 18:27

jre: Sep 2, 2011; To the cloud ?

Coohoolin posted:

There's been some rumours flying about that we're after him as well, but I doubt much will come of it. We're pretty well off as far as wingers go. Although there has been talk of spending a bit more now that our debt's cleared, but who knows what that will entail.

A new toaster for the break room.

# ? Jan 14, 2015 20:34

jre: Sep 2, 2011; To the cloud ?

Mike Ashley has just taken out security on Ibrox and ~~Murray Park~~ Auchenhowie

quote:

Rangers Supporters ‏@rangersfctrust 11m11 minutes ago
The RST will examine legal options to block this with other shareholders. We will never let Ibrox be mortgaged off. No Surrender!

jre fucked around with this message at 12:52 on Jan 15, 2015

# ? Jan 15, 2015 12:42

Lionel Richie: Nov 14, 2004

jre posted:

I talking about this with a friend, and said we've no chance since Sheffield have offered �800,000, then he pointed out what they'd actually offered. I hope United's reply was a fax with "gently caress OFF" on it in 100pt type.

I don't think they were expecting much to come of it tbh, it was just on the off chance our Scottish legion could persuade him to come down. He doesn't fancy League 1 though apparently and is signing a pre contract with Celtic. Dunno what this is supposed to mean though lol https://twitter.com/bbcjimspence/status/555689240089350144

Lionel Richie fucked around with this message at 13:57 on Jan 15, 2015

# ? Jan 15, 2015 13:42

serious gaylord: Sep 16, 2007; what.

Russ....

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/30838261

# ? Jan 16, 2015 00:05

blue footed boobie: Sep 14, 2012; UEFA SUPREMACY

jre posted:

Mike Ashley has just taken out security on Ibrox and ~~Murray Park~~ Auchenhowie

It's about to fold.

# ? Jan 16, 2015 00:12

jre: Sep 2, 2011; To the cloud ?

serious gaylord posted:

Russ....

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/30838261

Also have you upset some gaming sperg again ?

edit:

Record back page

# ? Jan 16, 2015 00:38

serious gaylord: Sep 16, 2007; what.

jre posted:

Also have you upset some gaming sperg again ?

edit:

Record back page

Always.

Has he taken control of the ground then? I literally do not understand whats going on with Rangers.

# ? Jan 16, 2015 00:45

jre: Sep 2, 2011; To the cloud ?

serious gaylord posted:

Always.

Has he taken control of the ground then? I literally do not understand whats going on with Rangers.

Its all gone a bit mental today. He's not actually given them any money yet, he's just done a legal manoeuvre which prevents anyone else for taking out security on the Stadium and training complex for 35 days. This totally emasculates the "3 bears" and dave king because they would have to loan money to Rangers unsecured. So Ashley has blind sided them and is now the only game in town. If they want to survive past the end of the week they need to borrow the �10 million from Ashley which leaves him effectively owning all the assets that are worth anything , e.g. Merchandise, Stadium and training ground.

Don't gently caress with Mike!

# ? Jan 16, 2015 00:52

serious gaylord: Sep 16, 2007; what.

But hes still not allowed to own Rangers as the SFA won't let him because he owns Newcastle?

# ? Jan 16, 2015 00:54

jre: Sep 2, 2011; To the cloud ?

serious gaylord posted:

But hes still not allowed to own Rangers as the SFA won't let him because he owns Newcastle?

He's basically daring the SFA to do something about it. They served a notice of complaint on Rangers when he appointed Llambias because he's not supposed to be able to exert any control. He responded by appointing Leach as finance director.

# ? Jan 16, 2015 00:58

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# ? Jun 9, 2024 00:39

chuggo is BACK: Jul 1, 2008; "Chuggo"

PWM POTM December 2014

woah so Mike Ashley is actually good as hell and not a big idiot wtf

# ? Jan 16, 2015 01:01

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Scottish Fitbaw 2014/15 Edition: Now With Less Edinburgh!

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