Aagar posted:That and we need a new thread to focus energy on - Dog is fine, KG is buckling down so there's not much to do until he can throw up some encouraging numbers, and SloMo is just trolling at this point. We argued not because of money, but because every little things I did, was wrong to him and he'd threw a hissy fit because of it. Stupid things like throwing a tantrum because on the early morning that we had to hurry to leave to take a coach bus I wrote a thank you letter to another friend of mine's mom when we slept over, even though we went over the letter the night before since we split the money on flowers and card. Or it he threw a hissy fit because I asked nicely to see the campus map of Standard University, he yelled at me that I would mess up the paper as he messed it up himself to show that what I would do, then I pointed out his hypocrisy and to his dismay he calls me a child, among many things. Or locking me out in 120 degree sunny day in the middle of the desert in Arizona because I rocked the car too much as we waited for a tour guide to start. Among countless bullshit antics I had to put up with him, I had enough of him and our toxic friendship and left him. I didnt want to ask him for money anymore, I hated being "owned" by someone to have them abuse me and I can't say anything for fear of retaliations. When we first planned the trip out, we trusted each others, agreed on many things. The Plan was to enjoy the trip and I'd pay him back afterward, he did not have a problem with that.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 03:12
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 13, 2024 23:06 |
|
|
Hingehead posted:We argued not because of money, but because every little things I did, was wrong to him and he'd threw a hissy fit because of it. Stupid things like throwing a tantrum because on the early morning that we had to hurry to leave to take a coach bus I wrote a thank you letter to another friend of mine's mom when we slept over, even though we went over the letter the night before since we split the money on flowers and card. Or it he threw a hissy fit because I asked nicely to see the campus map of Standard University, he yelled at me that I would mess up the paper as he messed it up himself to show that what I would do, then I pointed out his hypocrisy and to his dismay he calls me a child, among many things. Or locking me out in 120 degree sunny day in the middle of the desert in Arizona because I rocked the car too much as we waited for a tour guide to start. Among countless bullshit antics I had to put up with him, I had enough of him and our toxic friendship and left him. I didnt want to ask him for money anymore, I hated being "owned" by someone to have them abuse me and I can't say anything for fear of retaliations. When we first planned the trip out, we trusted each others, agreed on many things. The Plan was to enjoy the trip and I'd pay him back afterward, he did not have a problem with that. Gotya. Sorry for the assumption, but given the set of circumstances it seemed like a reasonable conclusion. In any event, it sounds like you're well rid of him.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 03:17
|
|
Aagar posted:Gotya. Sorry for the assumption, but given the set of circumstances it seemed like a reasonable conclusion. He even tried to force the debt onto my bank's checking account when we argued about me willing to start paying him the reasonable amounts that I wanted to pay him a month later and on-ward. He did not accept that deal, I threaten to take him to court and then he forced the debt on my bank, except he failed because there was little money in my checking account, causing it to go into the negative. Basically nothing happened. I sorted everything out with the bank and changed my account numbers. Apparently what he attempted to do was illegal, but because he never got the money, it was not a criminal act. I even went to the police and they couldn't do anything about it. I don't blame you for making that assumption. I would've thought the same thing too. Edit : I'll take up the suggestion to tell my story in the BFC section. I've been poor long enough, now I want out. I can't live like this anymore. I've already begun to learn from my mistakes, now I want to fix it. Hingehead fucked around with this message at 04:29 on Jan 15, 2015 |
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 04:23
|
|
|
Hingehead posted:Edit : I'll take up the suggestion to tell my story in the BFC section. I've been poor long enough, now I want out. I can't live like this anymore. I've already begun to learn from my mistakes, now I want to fix it. Or E/N
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 05:13
|
|
|
NON-DERAIL CONTENT POST! Sit down friends, as I tickle your BFC schadenfreude with the legend of Kurt. This is a guy who does not have a government travel credit card (GTC) because he doesn't think he needs to pay his bills. A few months ago he purchased a $20 roll of chew on his GTC, and never paid it off. Kurt would show up to drill and senior leadership would grill him about his late GTC payment. With a straight face (holding a can of monster in one hand, and a big mac in the other), he would reply that he didn't have the $20 to pay it off. There is no interest on the GTC, but if you fail to pay after a set amount of time they will assrape you with fees. His $20 turned into $200 (after fees), and eventually they garnished his paycheck and closed the account. We just got back from a long TDY with Kurt. Since he had no GTC finance advanced his per diem for the entire trip so he could pay for hotels in cash. He was doing ok until our airplane broke and we had to spend a few extra nights on the road. Having already drank his per diem away Kurt was unable to come up with the $300 required for the extra three nights and our commander had to loan him money out of pocket. One night we all went out drinking, taking turns buying rounds for the table. Kurt never failed to deliver on his turn. We stayed out at that bar till 8AM, and Kurt must have bought eight or so rounds. I knew he had financial issues, but my drunken self never questioned where he was getting his money. At about 6AM Kurt leaned in and asked to borrow $20 for this round since he was out of cash. I was inebriated (and didn't know the extent of his financial ineptitude) so I "loaned" him the money. He went to the bar and made a big scene about how "THIS ROUNDS ON ME BOYS!". The next morning we pieced together that Kurt has not bought a single round out of his own pocket. He had asked every one of of us for $20 for a round. In an effort to look like a baller he had swindled $200+ out of the group. Those of us in the military can blame Kurt, and those like him, for why we have to deal with financial policies that treat us like children.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 08:47
|
|
|
Crap, he's the reason we had that CSA card for a while in place of the GTC.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 14:20
|
|
|
I just hired a guy who was homeless for two years. He's done a pretty good job getting himself cleaned up and turned around. The guy has an amazing work ethic, but it's like he never really figured out how money works. If he has money in his pocket he has to immediately spend it on whatever will make feel good. Booze, cigarettes, random crap from bed bath and beyond, you name it. He has no bank account so he puts all of his money in his girlfriends account. This is because it helps him not immediately spend it. It would be all well and good but his gf blows it on thousands of dollars in vet bills for their menagerie of decrepit animals.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 14:54
|
|
|
Leroy Diplowski posted:I just hired a guy who was homeless for two years. He's done a pretty good job getting himself cleaned up and turned around. The guy has an amazing work ethic, but it's like he never really figured out how money works. He's figured out how money works if you're poor: you need to spend it before the bill collectors can find out that you have it and then take it.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 15:08
|
|
|
Volmarias posted:He's figured out how money works if you're poor: you need to spend it before the bill collectors can find out that you have it and then take it. Is it incorrect to say that growing up poor becomes a mental illness of its own? The mindsets, the fears, all negatively affect people for the rest of their lives...even if they escape poverty as adults. The really frightening thing is that it is perpetuated from generation to generation, unless you're willing to pay thousands of dollars for a therapist and cognitive behavioral therapy. Source: grew up poor, now in therapy
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 15:38
|
|
|
fruition posted:Is it incorrect to say that growing up poor becomes a mental illness of its own? The mindsets, the fears, all negatively affect people for the rest of their lives...even if they escape poverty as adults. The really frightening thing is that it is perpetuated from generation to generation, unless you're willing to pay thousands of dollars for a therapist and cognitive behavioral therapy. In a way, yes. A landmark study was published in Science a couple of years ago: http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2013/11/your-brain-on-poverty-why-poor-people-seem-to-make-bad-decisions/281780/
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 15:46
|
|
|
fruition posted:Is it incorrect to say that growing up poor becomes a mental illness of its own? The mindsets, the fears, all negatively affect people for the rest of their lives...even if they escape poverty as adults. The really frightening thing is that it is perpetuated from generation to generation, unless you're willing to pay thousands of dollars for a therapist and cognitive behavioral therapy. I grew up pretty poor with parents who were terrible at managing their money. I didn't really break the cycle until last year (at the age of 29). I have a pretty well paying job but just never put money away or anything, just spent it as it came in and always considered saving something to do when I got older. The worst habit I picked up from it was being "frugal" with poo poo that made very little difference and then blowing huge amounts of money on what amounted to toys. The old adage penny wise pound foolish applies.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 16:03
|
|
|
I think some of this is part of my problem. I started off growing up with immigrant parents who came to this country with 900$ to our family name. They did quite well over the years, and have made a real life for themselves. However, despite being very Americanized, I didn't get any of the American experience. A good example of this is the 25cent "bubbles" that have those little tchotchkies in them that they sell at stores and such. I didn't ever once get a quarter to buy one. I remember relatively few decent birthdays. I was denied quite a bit. And yea this sounds a lot like an E/N post,, but whatever. Some if it has probably lead to my spending problems today, though if you look at my thread, it doesn't look it since most of my debt is for "things" which are "needs"(like appliances, furniture, school loans, etc), but a lot of debt racked up over the many years before (which at one point had 16k in credit cards which were all paid off) was impulse buys where I said "I need this, I buy it". It's still to this day one of the reasons my wife and others find it hard to buy me gifts. If I want it, I still try to find a way to buy it.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 16:15
|
|
|
It works the other way too. Although it makes for bad stories so I guess you hear it less but I also grow up poor and as such hate spending money. Its bad with money in its own way (well bad with life) but still Id rather hate spending than not be able to stop. The cure incidentally was to get a partner with about equal income who has no qualms about spending and struggles to save much. Not so bad it destroys the finances but then I can squirrel away all the pennies for a rainy day (early retirement) and still have fun things. Im 60% sure this will backfire horribly one day.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 16:53
|
|
|
"I can't help you. I don't have any money until Friday." - Woman talking on cell phone in an elevator with unlit cigarette in her mouth.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 17:10
|
|
|
DogsCantBudget posted:I think some of this is part of my problem. I started off growing up with immigrant parents who came to this country with 900$ to our family name. They did quite well over the years, and have made a real life for themselves. However, despite being very Americanized, I didn't get any of the American experience. A good example of this is the 25cent "bubbles" that have those little tchotchkies in them that they sell at stores and such. I didn't ever once get a quarter to buy one. I remember relatively few decent birthdays. I was denied quite a bit. And yea this sounds a lot like an E/N post,, but whatever. The Millionaire Next Door book talks about this a little bit. A lot of immigrants come to America and do fairly well, because they don't spend much and the cultural expectation they grew up with supports it. But their kids or grandkids are Americanized and broke. The immigrant parents never had to be taught those spending habits because the entire culture around them supported it and they picked 'em up naturally. So they didn't think they had to teach their kids. But their kids have a competing influence they didn't experience.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 17:20
|
|
|
It really depends on the individual -- for whatever reason, people react in opposite ways to the same situation. I grew up without a whole lot, not like poverty-poverty but money was always tight, my parents were/are always paycheck-to-paycheck, and I hated it so much I would do anything to avoid that. I was unhealthily frugal for awhile, but I feel like I'm chilling out into a good place now. I see people in my office -- NYC professionals -- who are like "Oh no, let's not go out until Thursday, that's payday" and it blows my loving mind.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 17:46
|
|
i like nice words
|
Rick Rickshaw posted:"I can't help you. I don't have any money until Friday." - Woman talking on cell phone in an elevator with unlit cigarette in her mouth. It's probably not the case here, but I basically fake these interactions with my coworkers. Where I work now I'm on the younger side and the average pay is worse, but in my old business unit it was almost entirely 25-35 year old men with no children, and at this point I'm pretty sure nobody there full time is making under 60k. Even at the time I wasn't doing the "right" moves with money, but I still had like 5k in my checking account at all times as a slush/emergency/cushion/savings all in one. Everyone talks about being broke all the time, nobody wants to hear how smart you're being with your money. So I've just learned to go along with the "it's payday/i'm broke" party line even though I really don't know when payday is since I don't live on my current checks & most of it is auto-moved/invested/debited anyway.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 18:34
|
|
|
xie posted:Everyone talks about being broke all the time, nobody wants to hear how smart you're being with your money. So I've just learned to go along with the "it's payday/i'm broke" party line even though I really don't know when payday is since I don't live on my current checks & most of it is auto-moved/invested/debited anyway. Also the "I can't help you" sounds like it was someone asking to borrow money maybe. Totally reasonable to say you don't have any in that case.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 18:36
|
|
|
Paiz posted:The worst habit I picked up from it was being "frugal" with poo poo that made very little difference and then blowing huge amounts of money on what amounted to toys. The old adage penny wise pound foolish applies. My wife grew up in poverty and does the same thing, it drives me nuts. She'll spend $250 out clothes shopping without a hint of guilt, but then she'll get all worked up about spending $10 on something we need and decide to buy the $5 cheap knockoff even though she won't ever use because it's poo poo. She's gotten a lot better about things over the years but it still amazes me how poorly directed her frugality is.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 19:37
|
|
|
I see the same thing with my parents. We had to have a big sit-down discussion about me letting two bananas go bad when they have 1000sqft of house and a car they don't use but still pay for.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 20:15
|
|
|
I hate the societal pressure to go along with the "I'm broke" party line for poo poo like this. For some reason, it's perfectly okay to let people know you have no money for even a $10 lunch, but it's super bad form to tell people you have $3000 or whatever in an emergency fund. It's like people think you're being high and mighty or that you think you're better than they are because you practice fiscal responsibility :/
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 20:29
|
|
|
Everyone pats someone on the back for buying a new 30k car but god forbid you mention maxing out your IRA 
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 20:34
|
|
|
I'm doing everything wrong here and I still get along with my coworkers. "I don't feel like eating out," "buying a house is not my idea of fun," and "I hit the max on my 401k" aren't fighting words at a workplace with reasonable people.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 20:39
|
|
|
HonorableTB posted:I hate the societal pressure to go along with the "I'm broke" party line for poo poo like this. For some reason, it's perfectly okay to let people know you have no money for even a $10 lunch, but it's super bad form to tell people you have $3000 or whatever in an emergency fund. It's like people think you're being high and mighty or that you think you're better than they are because you practice fiscal responsibility :/ You can't imagine how awkward it gets whenever I buy another rental property. I always get asked how. Coworkers only know because I generally take a day or two off for it. I just shrug and mumble about always packing my lunch. Dudes I work with have monthly 1-2k bar tabs. That poo poo adds up pretty quick when you also buy lunch everyday at $15 per.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 20:46
|
|
|
Bloody Queef posted:Dudes I work with have monthly 1-2k bar tabs.  I get a minor pang of guilt if I spend more than $150ish at the bar in a month. But only minor since it's far from breaking the budget. My girlfriend and I spend maybe $100/mo on good beer for our fridge at home, probably less. If I were going to spend 1-2k/mo on booze, it would be at the liquor store buying the finest top shelf whiskeys, scotches, and craft beers they have in stock. And even then I'm not sure I could actually drink 2k worth without killing myself. Guinness fucked around with this message at 21:03 on Jan 15, 2015 |
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 20:59
|
|
|
They're out-ballering Slomo! This cannot be allowed to stand.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 21:01
|
|
|
HonorableTB posted:I hate the societal pressure to go along with the "I'm broke" party line for poo poo like this. For some reason, it's perfectly okay to let people know you have no money for even a $10 lunch, but it's super bad form to tell people you have $3000 or whatever in an emergency fund. It's like people think you're being high and mighty or that you think you're better than they are because you practice fiscal responsibility :/ I can't imagine the size of your emergency fund coming up in casual conversation unless it's something you're explicitly asked by someone you're familiar with. Talking yourself up money-wise is considered offensive to some, basically a few notches below blurting out your dick size. You don't have to pretend you don't have money saved up, just don't go bragging about it in front of other people, it's in bad taste. e: re: alcohol chat, I've consistently spent around $100/mo on alcohol over the past year and feel guilty as hell about it, how does one spend a grand in a month on booze?
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 21:04
|
|
|
HonorableTB posted:I hate the societal pressure to go along with the "I'm broke" party line for poo poo like this. For some reason, it's perfectly okay to let people know you have no money for even a $10 lunch, but it's super bad form to tell people you have $3000 or whatever in an emergency fund. It's like people think you're being high and mighty or that you think you're better than they are because you practice fiscal responsibility :/ I love on TV shows about doctors/lawyers/wall street type people where they have to act like it's impossible for the character to come up with relatively modest sums of money.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 21:07
|
|
|
Not a Children posted:I can't imagine the size of your emergency fund coming up in casual conversation unless it's something you're explicitly asked by someone you're familiar with. Talking yourself up money-wise is considered offensive to some, basically a few notches below blurting out your dick size. You don't have to pretend you don't have money saved up, just don't go bragging about it in front of other people, it's in bad taste. on alcohol over the past year and feel guilty as hell about it, how does one spend a grand in a month on booze? Check his post history and see how many times he volunteered information about his new job. He's totally blurting out his financial dick size at work. HonorableTB please make a thread.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 21:14
|
|
|
MrKatharsis posted:I'm doing everything wrong here and I still get along with my coworkers. "I don't feel like eating out," "buying a house is not my idea of fun," and "I hit the max on my 401k" aren't fighting words at a workplace with reasonable people.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 21:17
|
|
|
Paiz posted:The worst habit I picked up from it was being "frugal" with poo poo that made very little difference and then blowing huge amounts of money on what amounted to toys. The old adage penny wise pound foolish applies. This is me, I won't buy myself new socks to replace the ones with holes in them but I'll go on a $10k honeymoon, or take a couple grand to a casino and write it off in my mind like it was "inevitable" or "I have to live my life a little bit". Luckily I save 20% of my gross and so does my wife, but I feel like I could retire in a couple years if I really buckled down. Trying to get better and not feel so guilty. We finally made a budget and consolidated some accounts, so that'll help immensely.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 21:38
|
|
|
Droo posted:I love on TV shows about doctors/lawyers/wall street type people where they have to act like it's impossible for the character to come up with relatively modest sums of money. I need to watch Michael Clayton again.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 21:52
|
|
|
So on r/personalfinance an 18 year old posted a thread to humble-brag about saving $3k by working overtime (70+hr/wk) at McDonalds. That's not necessarily bad with money (though you could argue it's bad with life) but then someone in the comments posts this:quote:[–]ismellurpoo 1 point 2 hours ago He has a family, with kids, and virtually no emergency fund. When asked why he isn't doing anything to improve the situation:quote:[–]ismellurpoo 1 point 2 hours ago
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 22:10
|
|
|
Well when he says all the money goes into 401ks, maybe him and his wife are both maxing their 401ks for a cool 36k a year plus match?  Probably not though.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 22:38
|
|
|
Cicero posted:They're out-ballering Slomo! This cannot be allowed to stand. We're the only people on the planet almost as boring as actuaries. Public accountants.
|
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 22:41
|
|
|
Not a Children posted:I can't imagine the size of your emergency fund coming up in casual conversation unless it's something you're explicitly asked by someone you're familiar with. Talking yourself up money-wise is considered offensive to some, basically a few notches below blurting out your dick size. You don't have to pretend you don't have money saved up, just don't go bragging about it in front of other people, it's in bad taste. It's really, really easy in expensive cities and if you have an active social circle. I mean poo poo here's a Chicago example: Tu/F/Sa : 2 drinks tuesday, 3 fri, 4 saturday. Beers are 8 bucks each on average. 72 bucks a week for just beers. Now think if you get a cocktail or two, or drink heavily or more frequently - I've had years where I went out 5 nights a week (but carried a flask, the BFC approved choice). So let's say heavy drinker, 4 nights a week (so 4,4,6,10 drinks for 24 a week), and 10 bucks on average including tip. 240 bucks a week. Just under 1k a month. If you get cocktails and go to the prime happening places, or live in NYC/SF it'd easily be double that. vvvv I'm just explaining how it's very easy to do when one's social life revolves around going out and having drinks v0v mastershakeman fucked around with this message at 02:04 on Jan 16, 2015 |
|
#
?
Jan 15, 2015 23:26
|
|
|
mastershakeman posted:It's really, really easy in expensive cities and if you have an active social circle. I mean poo poo here's a Chicago example: This sounds both bad with money and bad with liver.
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2015 01:54
|
|
|
Rick Rickshaw posted:"I can't help you. I don't have any money until Friday." - Woman talking on cell phone in an elevator with unlit cigarette in her mouth. Oh, hey, a person in my elevator asked me, verbatim, "Can I have five dollars? I had it in my pocket and lost it" This is in a pricy high rise (one of my two bad with money things). If you can't afford to lose $5, not having the $5 is the least of your problems... And why would you ask strangers for it?
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2015 04:57
|
|
|
ohgodwhat posted:Oh, hey, a person in my elevator asked me, verbatim, "Can I have five dollars? I had it in my pocket and lost it" This might be logical if the person in question were under the age of eight.
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2015 04:58
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 13, 2024 23:06 |
|
|
If it's young "hot shot" dudes, remember they are likely buying drinks for girls too.
|
|
#
?
Jan 16, 2015 05:03
|
|
