Let's Read the Sword of Truth books! (Or not. Can we not?)

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Traditional Games > Let's Read the Sword of Truth books! (Or not. Can we not?)

«‹›173 »

Xir: Jul 31, 2007; I smell fan fiction...

Nipples? Really? There wasn't a different souvenir that he could take?

The problem with taking nipples is that it isn't ominous and threatening, it's just weird. So instead of being this imposing, frightful antagonist we instead get a power grasping weirdo with significant issues.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 14:37

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 10, 2024 05:54

Hyper Crab Tank: Feb 10, 2014; The 16-bit retro-future of crustacean-based transportation

Xir posted:

Nipples? Really? There wasn't a different souvenir that he could take?

The problem with taking nipples is that it isn't ominous and threatening, it's just weird. So instead of being this imposing, frightful antagonist we instead get a power grasping weirdo with significant issues.

Could've been worse, and Goodkind looks like the kind of guy who wants to keep topping himself with each new villain introduced. This is the kind of escalating weirdo arms-race that eventually ends you up with a guy who just has a jar of pickled anuses on a shelf somewhere he brings out whenever he has people over or something.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 15:00

Xir: Jul 31, 2007; I smell fan fiction...

Hyper Crab Tank posted:

Could've been worse, and Goodkind looks like the kind of guy who wants to keep topping himself with each new villain introduced. This is the kind of escalating weirdo arms-race that eventually ends you up with a guy who just has a jar of pickled anuses on a shelf somewhere he brings out whenever he has people over or something.

All we can hope is that Goodkind gets these urges out by writing, and doesn't have a weird BDSM dungeon with pickled body parts, wizard robes, and Agiel stand-ins prominently displayed. I mean, he can have the dungeon, I'd hope he's not dragging people down there though.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 15:24

kingcom: Jun 23, 2012

Xir posted:

All we can hope is that Goodkind gets these urges out by writing, and doesn't have a weird BDSM dungeon with pickled body parts, wizard robes, and Agiel stand-ins prominently displayed. I mean, he can have the dungeon, I'd hope he's not dragging people down there though.

Also just to remind everyone Richard is going around doing everything he does with an Agiel around his neck thats been up his butt.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 15:25

Victorkm: Nov 25, 2001

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H0leq_KlXMw

# ? Jan 15, 2015 15:48

Mors Rattus: Oct 25, 2007; FATAL & Friends
Walls of Text
#1 Builder
2014-2018

kingcom posted:

Also just to remind everyone Richard is going around doing everything he does with an Agiel around his neck thats been up his butt.

No, he finally took it off and gave it to his girlfriend as a present after their first sex.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 16:51

MisterShine: Feb 21, 2006

Why not the loving ear? The thing you could actually easily cut off an-

No, nope, gently caress it, Terry.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 17:37

President Ark: May 16, 2010

There's actually kind of a reason for this! It's one of those "magic lets you control people if you have a bit of them" things; his sister has a bunch of mind-controlled puppets who are all missing a nipple. Presumably it's the nipple because it's possible to conceal it's missing, whereas it's kind of hard to hide that you're missing an ear.

Given all the other weird poo poo in these books that doesn't really excuse it, though.

President Ark fucked around with this message at 17:42 on Jan 15, 2015

# ? Jan 15, 2015 17:39

PeterWeller: Apr 21, 2003; I told you that story so I could tell you this one.

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

WHYYYYYYYY can there not be a single villain in this series who isn't some sort of pervert on top of their everything else?

Had to rip off something from Dune I guess. :v:

# ? Jan 15, 2015 18:11

Paragon8: Feb 19, 2007

Not only does he collect nipples but he reached a point in nipple collecting where he decided to be choosy about it.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 18:44

Munkeymon: Aug 14, 2003; Motherfucker's got an
armor-piercing crowbar! Rigoddamndicu𝜆ous.

Plague of Hats posted:

That seems to completely undermine the original climax of the first book.

To be fair, so does much of the second book.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 21:36

Xir: Jul 31, 2007; I smell fan fiction...

Paragon8 posted:

Not only does he collect nipples but he reached a point in nipple collecting where he decided to be choosy about it.

Well yeah, of course. I mean if you're going to have a nipple collection you might as well be picky. Who wants any old nipple? If you're discriminating you could theoretically be a connoisseur, and not just a garden variety nutjob with a nipple fetish.

Just kill me now, please.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 21:44

TheSmilingJackal: Apr 30, 2007; Don't worry, it's a very heavy feather.

President Ark posted:

There's actually kind of a reason for this! It's one of those "magic lets you control people if you have a bit of them" things; his sister has a bunch of mind-controlled puppets who are all missing a nipple. Presumably it's the nipple because it's possible to conceal it's missing, whereas it's kind of hard to hide that you're missing an ear.

Given all the other weird poo poo in these books that doesn't really excuse it, though.

Sympathetic magic (which is what you're describing) would work just as easily with any part of a person's body, and in some fiction even works with highly sentimental items. If a bit of the person is needed hair, blood or even their little toe would have all worked and would have been just as easy to hide.

Terry picked nipples because Terry is a freak.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 21:56

Hyper Crab Tank: Feb 10, 2014; The 16-bit retro-future of crustacean-based transportation

I can just imagine that somewhere in that collection there's one nipple that has a ring attached to it that's a little special to him and I don't want to be imagining that any more.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 21:58

President Ark: May 16, 2010

TheSmilingJackal posted:

Sympathetic magic (which is what you're describing) would work just as easily with any part of a person's body, and in some fiction even works with highly sentimental items. If a bit of the person is needed hair, blood or even their little toe would have all worked and would have been just as easy to hide.

Terry picked nipples because Terry is a freak.

Yeah, hence the last sentence. :v:

# ? Jan 15, 2015 21:58

alarumklok: Jun 30, 2012

Hi my name is Tobias and I collect nipples. Would you like to see my collection? Buy my book.

I knew a kid in high school who was weird and creepy as poo poo, and wanted people to call him Tobias, which was not his name. I don't know if there's a description of Tobias but I'm ignoring it and just imagining him instead.

I'm honestly 100% okay with Tobias the nipple-collector.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 22:09

Shadin: Jun 28, 2009

TheSmilingJackal posted:

Sympathetic magic (which is what you're describing) would work just as easily with any part of a person's body, and in some fiction even works with highly sentimental items. If a bit of the person is needed hair, blood or even their little toe would have all worked and would have been just as easy to hide.

Terry picked nipples because Terry is a freak.

If you're going to create an army of soul-less devil worshippers via MAGIC by collecting parts, you obviously want to mark them all in the same identifiable scarring way instead of just using something like, I don't know, hair.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 22:12

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

Brogan's quest to kill Kahlan is delayed by the fact that "Lord Rahl" has sent out an invitation to every person of note in the city to join him for... it doesn't actually say. An audience, I guess.

quote:

Brogan looked up. �I don�t have time for pleasantries. We must be off after the Mother Confessor.�

Galtero drew a paper from his pocket and handed it over. �I returned just as a big group of D�Haran soldiers were about to enter our palace. I stopped them and asked what they wanted, and they gave me this.�

Brogan unfolded the paper, and read the hasty scrawl. Lord Rahl invites all dignitaries, diplomats, and officials of all lands to the Confessors� Palace, at once. He crumbled the paper in his fist. �I don�t take audiences, I give them. And, as I said, I don�t have time for pleasantries.�

Galtero lifted a thumb toward the street. �I reasoned as much, and told the soldiers who gave it to me that I would pass the invitation along, but that we be busy with other matters, and I didn�t know if anyone from the Nicobarese Palace would have time to attend. He said that Lord Rahl wanted everyone there, and we had better find the time.�

So they head over. Richard has definitely made his mark on the city:

quote:

Lunetta dropped her hands to her sides and stopped with a gasp. Tobias and Galtero looked up to see bodies impaled on poles to each side of the promenade ahead. As the three of them approached, he realized they weren�t men, but scaled creatures only the Keeper could have conceived. As they proceeded, a stink enveloped them, as thick as a bog mist, making them fear to draw a breath lest it blacken their lungs.

Some of the poles held only heads, some held whole bodies, and others parts of bodies. All appeared to have been killed in a brutal battle. Some of the beasts had been ripped open, and several were cleaved completely in two, their innards hanging frozen from what was left of them.

It was like stepping through a monument to evil, through the gates to the underworld.

What follows is a massive, Galtian speech to the assembled power players of the Midlands that gently caress you, the Midlands don't exist anymore, now it's Join D'Hara or Get hosed. This is the short version, at the end of a very long chapter.

quote:

�Silence!� It came almost instantly, and he went on. �I have invited you here to hear what I have to say. After you have decided to surrender to D�Hara, then I will be interested in what you have to say. Not before!

�The Imperial Order wishes to rule all of D�Hara and all of the Midlands. They have lost D�Hara; I rule D�Hara. They have lost Aydindril; D�Hara rules Aydindril.

�You had a chance at unity, and you squandered it. That chance has passed into history. You now have but two choices. Your first is to choose to side with the Imperial Order. They will rule with an iron fist. You will have no say, and no rights. All magic will be exterminated, except the magic with which they dominate you. If you live, your lives will be a dark struggle without the spark of hope for freedom. You will be their slaves.

�Your other choice is to surrender to D�Hara. You will follow the law of D�Hara. Once you are one with us, you will have a say in those laws. We have no desire to extinguish the diversity that is the Midlands. You will have the right to the fruits of your labor and the right to trade and flourish, as long as you work within the larger context of law and the rights of others. Magic will be protected, and your children will be born into a world of freedom, where anything is possible.

�And once the Imperial Order is exterminated, there will be peace. True peace.

�There will be a price: your sovereignty. While you will be allowed to maintain your own lands and cultures, you will not be allowed to have standing armies. The only men at arms will be those common to all, under the banner of D�Hara. This will not be a council of independent lands; your surrender is mandatory. Surrender is the price each land will pay for peace, and the proof of your commitment to it.

�Much as you all paid a tribute to Aydindril, no land, no people, will bear all the burden of freedom; all lands, all people, will pay a tax sufficient to see to the common defense, and no more. All will pay equally; none will be favored.�

Anyway, Brogan stays behind at the end and does a "cultural custom" of swapping his knife for a coin. It confirms Brogan's suspicions: Richard is flush with Prophet's Profits, tying him to EVIL... which he had never heard of before that morning. Eh. Also, nobody remembers Kahlan's name, making the fact that Richard says he's going to marry "the queen of Galea, Kahlan Amnell" raise no red flags. Death spell!

We're now over a quarter into this novel, and despite it being so tiny, he still can't do a goddamn thing before the midpoint at best.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 22:16

TheSmilingJackal: Apr 30, 2007; Don't worry, it's a very heavy feather.

President Ark posted:

Yeah, hence the last sentence.

Oh yeah, I wasn't trying to correct you, I was agreeing. Sorry, I realize I wasn't clear.

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

What follows is a massive, Galtian speech to the assembled power players of the Midlands that gently caress you, the Midlands don't exist anymore, now it's Join D'Hara or Get hosed. This is the short version, at the end of a very long chapter.

Part of me wants you to transcribe the speeches in full, because the only way truly understand how awful they are is to see them in their rambling length and batshittyness. Much like how the old readers keep telling the newcomers how things get worse, but they have a hard time grasping that, because how can things get worse? They must be shown, only then will they understand.

But another part of me doesn't want to read them again, so never mind.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 22:44

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

You know what? Since I can bum this speech out of the ebook raw, sure. I'll do that in a minute. It is seriously some John Galt poo poo.

SPEAKING OF THIS IS AMAZING AND RELEVANT: CLICK THIS LINK

# ? Jan 15, 2015 22:47

Sindai: Jan 24, 2007; i want to achieve immortality through not dying

Here we see the other reason the bad guys are always sadists and rapists: they have to be to make Richard look like the good guy when he's literally a ruthless tyrant.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 22:48

That Old Tree: Jun 24, 2012; nah

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

SPEAKING OF THIS IS AMAZING AND RELEVANT: CLICK THIS LINK

Finally, the Galts of my dreams.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 22:50

TheSmilingJackal: Apr 30, 2007; Don't worry, it's a very heavy feather.

Sindai posted:

Here we see the other reason the bad guys are always sadists and rapists: they have to be to make Richard look like the good guy when he's literally a ruthless tyrant.

Pretty sure Dick staked the heads of the counselors he murdered out on the walkway leading to the Palace and Brogan regarded this with approval.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 22:54

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

Here is the entirety of that speech, until he dismisses everyone. If I went into the Brogan on Rahl action it'd take even longer, and this makes the point PRETTY WELL. This isn't even the full chapter, the first chunk is Brogan sizing up everyone in and around the place, which is also a real Randian situation.

quote:

The blond-headed Mord-Sith near the center of the dais looked around the room with a penetrating blue-eyed gaze that commanded silence.

�People of the Midlands,� she said, lifting an introductory arm to the empty air above the desk, �I present Lord Rahl.�

A shadow formed in the air. A black cloak appeared suddenly, and as it was thrown wide, there, standing atop the dais, was a man.

Those near the front fell back in alarm. A scattering of people cried out in terror. Some called for the Creator�s protection, others beseeched the spirits to intercede on their behalf, and some fell to their knees. While many stood in mute shock, a few of the decorative swords were drawn for the first time in fear. When a D�Haran in the front of the echelon calmly warned in a low, icy voice to sheath the weapons, they were reluctantly returned to scabbards.

Lunetta was scratching frantically as she gazed up at the man, but Brogan didn�t stop her this time; even he could feel his skin crawling with the evil of magic.

The man atop the desk waited patiently for the crowd to become silent, and then spoke in a quiet voice.

�I am Richard Rahl, called by the D�Harans Lord Rahl. Other peoples have other titles by which I am known. Prophecies given in the dim past, before the Midlands was born, have placed appellation upon me.� He stepped down off the desk to stand between the Mord-Sith. �But it is the future I come before you to address.�

Though not as large as the two D�Harans standing at each end of the curved desk, he was a big man, tall and muscular, and surprisingly young. His clothes, black cloak and high boots, dark trousers, and plain shirt, were unassuming, more so for one called �Lord.� Though it was hard to miss the gleam of a silver-and-gold scabbard at his hip, he looked to be nothing so much as a simple woodsman. Tobias thought, too, that the man looked tired, as if he bore a mountain of responsibility on his shoulders.

Tobias was hardly a stranger to combat, and knew by the grace with which this young man carried himself, by the easy way the baldric lay across his shoulder and by the way the sword moved with him at his hip, that he was not a man to be taken lightly. The sword was not there for decoration; it was a weapon. He looked to be a man who had made a great many desperate decisions of late, and had lived through them all. For all his outward, humble appearance, he had an inexplicable air of authority about him, and a bearing that commanded attention.

Already, many of the women in the room had recovered their composure and were beginning to flash him private smiles as they batted their lashes, falling into their well-practiced habits of ingratiating themselves with those wielding power. Even if the man were not ruggedly handsome, they would have done the same, but perhaps with less sincerity. Lord Rahl either didn�t notice their warming demeanor, or chose not to.

But it was his eyes that interested Tobias Brogan; eyes were the mark of a man�s nature, and the one thing that rarely deceived him. When this man�s steely gaze settled on people, some stepped back without realizing it, some froze, and others fidgeted. When those eyes turned in his direction, and the gaze settled on him for the first time, Tobias took a measure of Lord Rahl�s heart and soul.

That brief look was all he needed: this was a very dangerous man.

Though he was young and ill at ease being the center of all eyes, this was a man who would fight with a vengeance. Tobias had seen eyes like this before. This was a man who would jump headlong over a cliff to come after you.

�I know him,� Galtero whispered.

�What? How?�

�Earlier today, when I was picking up witnesses, I came across this man. I was going to bring him to you for questioning, but those two big guards showed up and carried him off.�

�Unfortunate. It would have been ...�

The hush of the room caused Tobias to look up. Lord Rahl was staring at him. It was like looking into the penetrating, gray-eyed glare of a raptor.

Lord Rahl�s eyes shifted to Lunetta. She stood frozen in the light of his gaze. Surprisingly, a small smile came to his lips.

�Of all the women at the ball,� Lord Rahl said to her, �your dress is the prettiest.�

Lunetta beamed. Tobias almost laughed out loud; Lord Rahl had just delivered a cutting message to the others in the room: their social status counted for nothing with him. Tobias was suddenly beginning to enjoy himself. Perhaps the Order would not be so poorly served with a man like this among their leaders.

�The Imperial Order,� Lord Rahl began, �believes that the time has come for the world to be united under a common canon: theirs. They say that magic is responsible for all man�s failings, misfortunes, and troubles. They claim all evil to be the external influence of magic. They say the time has come for magic to pass from the world.�

Some in the room murmured their agreement, some grumbled their skepticism, but most stood mute.

Lord Rahl laid an arm across the top of the largest chair�the one in the center. �In order for their vision to be complete, and in light of their self-proclaimed divine cause, they will suffer the sovereignty of no land. They wish for all to be brought under their influence, and to go forward into the future as one people: subjects of the Imperial Order.�

He paused for a moment as he met the gaze of many in the crowd. �Magic is not a fount of evil. This is merely an excuse for their actions as they ascend to supremacy.�

Whispering swept back through the room, and low undertones of arguments boiled up. Duchess Lumholtz strode forward, commanding attention. She smiled at Lord Rahl before bowing her head.

�Lord Rahl, what you say is all very interesting, but the Blood of the Fold here�� She flicked her hand in the direction of Tobias and at the same time cast him an icy glare. ��say that all magic is spewed forth by the Keeper.�

Brogan neither said anything, nor moved. Lord Rahl didn�t look in his direction, but instead kept his gaze on the duchess.

�A child, come anew into the world, is magic. Would you call that evil?�

Lifting an imperious hand, she quieted the crowd at her back. �The Blood of the Fold preaches that magic is created by the Keeper himself, and thereby can only be evil incarnate.�

From various areas around the floor and up in the balcony, people shouted their agreement. This time it was Lord Rahl who lifted a hand, bringing them to silence.

�The Keeper is the destroyer, the bane of light and life, the breath of death. As I hear it told, it is the Creator, through his power and majesty, who brings all things to be.� Almost as one, the crowd shouted that it was true.

�In that case,� Lord Rahl said, �to believe that magic springs from the Keeper is blasphemy. Could the Keeper create a newborn child? To ascribe the power to create, which is the sole domain of the Creator, to the Keeper, is to grant to the Keeper that which is chaste, and only the Creator�s. The Keeper cannot create. To hold such a profane belief could only be heresy.�

Silence fell like a pall over the room. Lord Rahl cocked his head to the duchess, �Did you step forward, my lady, to confess to being a heretic? Or simply to accuse another of heresy for personal gain?�

With a face once again as red as her tight lips, she took several steps back to her husband�s side. The duke, his own face no longer calm, shook a finger at Lord Rahl.

�Tricks with words will not change the fact that the Imperial Order fights the Keeper�s evil, and has come to unite us against him. They wish only for all people to prosper together. Magic will deny that right to mankind. I am Keltish, and proud of it, but it is time to move beyond fragmented and frail lands standing alone. We have had extensive talks with the Order, and they have proven themselves a civilized and decent lot, interested in joining all lands in peace.�

�A noble ideal,� Lord Rahl answered in a quiet tone, �one you already had in the unity of the Midlands, yet you threw it away for avarice.�

�The Imperial Order is different. It offers true strength, and true, lasting peace.�

Lord Rahl fixed the duke with a glare. �Graveyards rarely breach a peace.� He turned his glare on the crowd. �Not long ago, an army of the Order swept through the heart of the Midlands, seeking to bring others into their fold. Many joined, and swelled their force. A D�Haran general named Riggs led them, along with officers of several lands, and was assisted by a wizard Slagle, of Keltish blood.

�Well over one hundred thousand strong, they bore down on Ebinissia, the Crown city of Galea. The Imperial Order bade the people of Ebinissia join them and become subjects of the Order. When called upon to oppose aggression against the Midlands, the people of Ebinissia bravely did so; they refused to abandon their commitment to unity and a common defense that was the Midlands.�

The duke opened his mouth to speak but, for the first time, Lord Rahl�s voice became menacing in tone and cut off his words.

�The Galean army defended the city to the last man. The wizard used his power to rent the city walls and the Imperial Order poured in. Once the greatly outnumbered Galean defenders had been eliminated, the Imperial Order did not occupy the city, but instead went through it like a pack of howling animals�raping, torturing, and butchering helpless people.�

Lord Rahl, his jaw clenched tight, leaned across the desk, and pointed a finger at Duke Lumholtz. �The Order slaughtered every living person in Ebinissia: the old, the young, the newborn. They impaled defenseless, pregnant women in order to kill both mother and unborn child.�

His face red with rage, he slammed his fist to the desk. Everyone jumped. �With that act, the Imperial Order put the lie to anything they say! They have lost the right to tell anyone anything about what is right, and what is wicked. They are without virtue. They come for one reason and one reason only: to vanquish and subjugate. They slaughtered the people of Ebinissia to show others what they had to offer anyone who fails to submit,

�They will not be halted by borders or by reason. Men with the blood of babes on their blades have no ethics. Don�t you dare stand there and try to tell me otherwise; the Imperial Order is beyond defense. They have shown the fangs behind their smile, and by the spirits they have lost the right to offer words and have them taken as truth!�

Taking a calming breath, Lord Rahl straightened. �Both those innocents at the points of blades and those at the hilts forfeited much that day. The ones at the points forfeited their lives. The ones at the hilt forfeited their humanity and their right to be heard, much less believed. They have cast themselves and any who join them as my enemy.�

�And who were these troops?� Someone else asked. �Many were D�Haran, by your own admission. You lead the D�Harans, by your own admission. When the boundary came down last spring, the D�Harans swept in and committed atrocities much the same as you recount. Though Aydindril was spared that cruelty, many other cities and towns suffered the same fate as Ebinissia, but at the hands of D�Hara. Now you ask us to believe you? You are no better.�

Lord Rahl nodded. �What you say about D�Hara is true. D�Hara was led by my father, Darken Rahl, who was a stranger to me. He did not raise me, or teach me his ways. What he wanted was much the same as the Imperial Order wants: to conquer all lands, and rule all people. Where the Order is a monolithic cause, his was a personal quest. Besides using brute force to obtain his ends, he also used magic, much the same as the Order.

�I stand against everything Darken Rahl stood for. He would stop at no evil act to have his way. He tortured and killed countless innocent people, and suppressed magic, so that it could not be used against him, the same as the Order would do.�

�Then you�re the same as he.�

Lord Rahl shook his head. �No, I am not. I do not lust to rule. I take up the sword only because I have the ability to help oppose oppression. I fought on the side of the Midlands against my father. In the end, I killed him for his crimes. When he used his vile magic to return from the underworld, I used magic to stop him and send his spirit back to the Keeper. I used magic again to close a doorway the Keeper was using to send his minions into this world.�

Brogan ground his teeth. He knew from experience that banelings often tried to hide their true nature by regaling you with stories of how valiantly they had fought the Keeper and his minions. He had heard enough of these spurious accounts to recognize them as diversions from the actual evil in the person�s heart. The Keeper�s followers were often too cowardly to show their true nature, and so hid behind such boasts and concocted tales.

In fact, he would have arrived in Aydindril sooner had he not come across so many pockets of perversion after he had left Nicobarese. Villages and towns, where everyone appeared to be living pious lives, turned out to be riddled with wickedness. When some of the more strident defenders of their virtue were put to a proper questioning they finally confessed their blasphemy. When put to a proper questioning, the names of streganicha and banelings who lived in the neighborhood, and had seduced them to evil with the use of magic, had rolled off their tongues.

The only solution had been purification. Whole villages and towns had needed to be put to the torch. Not even a signpost to the Keeper�s lairs remained. The Blood of the Fold had done the Creator�s work, but it had taken time and effort.

Seething, Brogan returned his attention to Lord Rahl�s words.

�I take up this challenge only because the sword has been thrust into my hand. I ask that you not judge me by who my father was, but by what I do. I do not slaughter innocent, defenseless people. The Imperial Order does. Until I violate the trust of honest people, I have the right to be granted honest judgment.

�I cannot stand by and watch evil men triumph; I will fight with everything I have, including magic. If you side with these murders, you will find no mercy under my sword.�

�All we want is peace,� someone shouted.

Lord Rahl nodded. �I, too, wish nothing more than that there were peace, and I could go home to my beloved woods and lead a simple life, but I can�t, any more than we can go back to the simple innocence of our childhood. Responsibility has been thrust upon me. Turning your back on innocents in need of help makes you the attacker�s accomplice. It is in the name of the innocent and defenseless that I take up the sword, and fight this battle.�

Lord Rahl returned his arm to the center chair. �This is the chair of the Mother Confessor. For thousands of years the Mother Confessors have ruled the Midlands with a benevolent hand, struggling to hold the lands together, to have all the people of the Midlands live as neighbors in peace, and to let them tend to their own affairs without fear of outside force.� He let his gaze roam the eyes watching him. �The council sought to break the unity and peace for which this room, this palace, and this city, stand, and of which you speak so longingly. They unanimously condemned her to death and had her executed.�

Lord Rahl slowly drew his sword and laid the weapon at the front edge of the desk, where all could see it. �I told you I am known by different titles. I am also known as the Seeker of Truth, named so by the First Wizard. I carry the Sword of Truth by right. Last night I executed the council for their treason.

�You are the representatives of the lands of the Midlands. The Mother Confessor offered you the chance to stand together, and you turned your backs on that offer, and on her.�

A man beyond Tobias�s view broke the icy silence. �Not all of us approved of the action the council took. Many of us wish the Midlands to stand. The Midlands will be joined yet again and made stronger for the struggle.�

Many in the crowd voiced their agreement, vowing to do their best to bring unity again. Others remained silent.

�It is too late for that. You have had your chance. The Mother Confessor suffered your bickering and intractability.� Lord Rahl slammed his sword back into its scabbard. �I will not.�

�What are you talking about?� Duke Lumholtz asked, irritation embrittling his tone. �You�re from D�Hara. You�ve no right to tell us how the Midlands will function. The Midlands is our affair.�

Lord Rahl stood statue still as he directed his soft, but commanding voice to the crowd. �There is no Midlands. I dissolve it, here and now. From now on, each land is on its own.�

�The Midlands is not your toy!�

�Nor is it Kelton�s,� Lord Rahl said. �It was the design of Kelton to rule the Midlands.�

�How dare you accuse us of ...�

Lord Rahl held up his hand, bidding silence. �You are no more rapacious than some of the others. Many of you were anxious to have the Mother Confessors and wizards out of your hair so you could carve up the spoils.�

Lunetta tugged on his arm. �True,� she whispered, Brogan silenced her with an icy look.

�The Midlands will not tolerate this interference in our business,� another voice called out.

�I am not here to discuss the governing of the Midlands. I have just told you, the Midlands is dissolved.� Lord Rahl regarded the crowd with a glare of such deadly commitment that Tobias had to remind himself to take another breath. �I am here to dictate the terms of your surrender.�

The crowd flinched as one. Angry shouts erupted and built until the room roared. Red-faced men swore oaths as they shook their fists.

Duke Lumholtz shouted everyone to silence and then turned back to the dais. �I don�t know what foolish ideas you�ve gotten into your head, young man, but the Imperial Order is in charge of this city. Many have come to reasonable agreements with them. The Midlands will be preserved, will stand united through the Order, and will never surrender to the likes of D�Hara!�

When the crowd surged toward Lord Rahl, red rods appeared in the Mord-Sith�s hands, the echelon of soldiers drew steel, pikes came down, and the gar�s wings snapped open. The beast snarled, its fangs dripping and its green eyes glowing. Lord Rahl stood like a granite wall. The crowd halted and then receded.

Lord Rahl�s whole body took on the same tight, dangerous demeanor as his glare. �You were offered a chance to preserve the Midlands, and you failed. D�Hara has been liberated from the fist of the Imperial Order and holds Aydindril.�

�You only think you hold Aydindril,� the Duke said. �We have troops here, as do a great many of the lands, and we�re not about to let the city fall.�

�A little late for that, too.� Lord Rahl held out a hand. �May I introduce General Reibisch, the commander of all D�Haran forces in this sector.�

The general, a muscular man with a rust-colored beard and combat scars, stepped up onto the dais, clapping a fist to his heart in salute to Lord Rahl before turning to the people. �My troops command, and surround, Aydindril. My men have been sitting on this city for months now. We are finally free of the grip of the Order, and are once again D�Harans, lead by Master Rahl.

�D�Haran troops don�t like sitting around. If any of you would like a fight, I, personally, would welcome it, though Lord Rahl has commanded that we not be the ones to start the killing, but if called to defend ourselves, the spirits know we will finish it. I�m bored nearly to death with the tedium of occupation, and I�d much rather have something more interesting to do, something I�m very good at.

�Each of your lands has detachments of troops stationed to guard your palaces. In my professional judgment, if all of you decided to contest the city with the troops you have at hand, and did it in an organized fashion, it would take a day, maybe two, for us to rout them. When it was done, we would have no more troubles. Once battle is at hand, D�Harans don�t take prisoners.�

The general stepped back with a bow to Lord Rahl.

Everyone started talking at once, some angrily shaking their fists and shouting to be heard. Lord Rahl thrust his hand into the air.

�Silence!� It came almost instantly, and he went on. �I have invited you here to hear what I have to say. After you have decided to surrender to D�Hara, then I will be interested in what you have to say. Not before!

�The Imperial Order wishes to rule all of D�Hara and all of the Midlands. They have lost D�Hara; I rule D�Hara. They have lost Aydindril; D�Hara rules Aydindril.

�You had a chance at unity, and you squandered it. That chance has passed into history. You now have but two choices. Your first is to choose to side with the Imperial Order. They will rule with an iron fist. You will have no say, and no rights. All magic will be exterminated, except the magic with which they dominate you. If you live, your lives will be a dark struggle without the spark of hope for freedom. You will be their slaves.

�Your other choice is to surrender to D�Hara. You will follow the law of D�Hara. Once you are one with us, you will have a say in those laws. We have no desire to extinguish the diversity that is the Midlands. You will have the right to the fruits of your labor and the right to trade and flourish, as long as you work within the larger context of law and the rights of others. Magic will be protected, and your children will be born into a world of freedom, where anything is possible.

�And once the Imperial Order is exterminated, there will be peace. True peace.

�There will be a price: your sovereignty. While you will be allowed to maintain your own lands and cultures, you will not be allowed to have standing armies. The only men at arms will be those common to all, under the banner of D�Hara. This will not be a council of independent lands; your surrender is mandatory. Surrender is the price each land will pay for peace, and the proof of your commitment to it.

�Much as you all paid a tribute to Aydindril, no land, no people, will bear all the burden of freedom; all lands, all people, will pay a tax sufficient to see to the common defense, and no more. All will pay equally; none will be favored.�

The room erupted with protests, with most claiming it would be robbery of what was theirs. Lord Rahl silenced them with nothing more than his glare.

�Nothing gained without cost is valued. I was reminded of that fact only today. She was the one we buried. Freedom has a cost, and all will bear it, so that all will value and preserve it.�

The people up in the balcony broke out in near riot, protesting that they were promised gold, that it was theirs, and that they could not afford to pay any tax. Chanting began, demanding the gold be turned over to them. Once more, Lord Rahl held up a hand, commanding silence.

�The man who promised you gold for nothing is dead. Dig him up and complain to him, if you wish. The men who will fight for your freedom will require provisions, and our troops will not steal them. Those of you who can provide food and services will be paid a fair price for your labor and goods. All will participate in attaining freedom and peace, if not with service under arms, then at minimum with a tax to support our troops.

�All, no matter their means, must have an investment in their freedom, and will pay their part. This principle is law, and inviolate.

�If you do not wish to comply, then leave Aydindril and go to the Imperial Order. You are free to demand gold of them, as it was they who made the promise; I will not keep it for them.

�You are free to choose: with us, or against us. If you are with us, then you will help us. Think carefully before you decide to leave, for if you leave, and decide later that you would rather not suffer the Order any longer, then you will pay double the tax for a period of ten years in order to earn your way back.�

The crowd in the balconies gasped. A woman on the floor, near the front, spoke up in a distraught voice.

�What if we choose neither? It is against our principles to fight. We want to be left alone to go about our lives. What if we choose not to fight, to simply go about our business?�

�Do you arrogantly believe that we want to fight because we would stop the slaughter, and you are somehow better because you wish not to? Or that we will carry the load by ourselves so that you, too, may enjoy the freedom to live by your principles?

�You can contribute in other ways without taking up a sword, but contribute you must. You can help tend the wounded, you can help the families of men gone to fight, you can help build and maintain roads to get supplies to them; there are any number of ways you can help, but you will help. You will pay the tax, the same as everyone else. There will be no bystanders.

�If you choose not to surrender, you will stand alone. The Order intends to conquer all people and lands. Because there is no other way to stop them, I can intend no less. Sooner or later, you will be ruled by one of us. Pray it is not the Order.

�Those lands that choose not to surrender to us will be placed under blockade and isolated until we have time to invade and conquer you, or the Order does. None of our people will be allowed to trade with you, under penalty of prosecution for treason, and you will not be allowed to transport trade or travel through our land.

�The opportunity of surrender I give now carries incentives: you will be able to join us without prejudice or sanctions. Once this peaceful offer to surrender has expired, and it becomes necessary to conquer you, you will be conquered, and you will surrender, but the terms will be harsh. Every one of your people will pay triple the tax for a period of thirty years. It wouldn�t be fair to punish future generations for the actions of this. Neighboring lands will prosper and grow, while you do not, burdened as you will be with higher costs to your surrender. Your land will eventually recover, but you will probably not live long enough to see it.

�Be warned: I intend to wipe the butchers called the Imperial Order from the face of the land. If you do more than try to stand aside, and are foolish enough to join with them, then you cast your fate with theirs; no mercy will be granted.�

�You can�t get away with this,� an anonymous voice in the crowd called out. �We�ll stop you.�

�The Midlands is fragmented, and cannot be made whole again, or I would instead join with you. What is past, is past, and cannot be returned.

�The spirit of the Midlands will live on with those of us who honor its purpose. The Mother Confessor committed the Midlands to war without mercy against the tyranny of the Imperial Order. Honor her command and the ideals of the Midlands in the only way that will succeed: surrender to D�Hara. If you join with the Imperial Order, then you stand against everything the Midlands represented.

�A force of Galean soldiers, led by the Queen of Galea herself, hunted down the butchers of Ebinissia, and killed them to a man. She has shown us all that the Imperial Order is vincible.

�I am engaged to wed the queen of Galea, Kahlan Amnell, and join her people to mine, and thereby show all that I will not stand for the crimes committed, even if they were committed by D�Haran troops. Galea and D�Hara will be the first to join in the new union, through Galea�s surrender to D�Hara. My marriage to her will show all that it will be a union made of mutual respect, demonstrating that it can be done without blood conquest or the lust for power, and instead for strength and a hope of a new and better life. She, no less than I, intends to annihilate the Imperial Order. She has proven her heart with cold steel.�

The crowd, both those on the main floor, and those in the balconies, started crying out questions and demands.

Lord Rahl shouted them down. �Enough!� The people grudgingly fell silent once more. �I have heard all I intend to hear. I have told you the way it will be. Do not mistakenly think I will tolerate the way you behaved as nations of the Midlands. I will not. Until you surrender, you are all potential enemies, and will be treated as such. Your troops will at once surrender their weapons, one way or another, and will not be allowed to leave the custody of the D�Haran troops now surrounding your palaces.

�Each of you will send a small delegation to your homeland to convey my message as I have told it to you today. Don�t think to try my patience; delay could cost you everything. And do not think to wile me out of special conditions�there will be none. Each land, whether large or small, will be treated the same, and must surrender. If you choose to surrender, we welcome you with open arms, and expect you to contribute to the whole.� He looked to the balconies. �You, too, have been charged with a responsibility: contribute to our survival, or leave the city.

�I am not pretending it will be easy; we stand against a foe without conscience. The creatures on the poles outside were sent against us. Consider their fate, while you think on my words.

�If you choose to join with the Imperial Order, then I pray the spirits will be kinder to you in the afterlife than I will be in this.

�You may go.�

If you actually read this far, I apologize. None of that was funny, or worthwhile. I just wanted to point out once and for all that whenever I say "Hey, I summarize for a reason, this poo poo isn't any fun", and some idiot goes "NAW MAN SHOW US THE WHOLE THING", that person is a loving idiot, and you need to realize why.

claw game handjob fucked around with this message at 00:16 on Jan 16, 2015

# ? Jan 15, 2015 23:01

Mors Rattus: Oct 25, 2007; FATAL & Friends
Walls of Text
#1 Builder
2014-2018

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

we stand against a foe without conscience

I skipped to the bottom of the speech and I'm glad I did because I'm pretty sure that Rand would go 'why do you claim to have a conscience, rear end in a top hat? Those are for SHEEPLE'

# ? Jan 15, 2015 23:03

Libertad!: Oct 30, 2013; You can have the last word, but I'll have the last laugh!

5,347 words, going by my Microsoft Word document via Copy-Paste.

# ? Jan 15, 2015 23:47

Eediot Jedi: Dec 25, 2007; This is where I begin to speculate what being a
man of my word costs me

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

You know what? Since I can bum this speech out of the ebook raw, sure. I'll do that in a minute. It is seriously some John Galt poo poo.

SPEAKING OF THIS IS AMAZING AND RELEVANT: CLICK THIS LINK

I thought this was satire at first and then broke down laughing for a good minute. Holy poo poo I'm still laughing whenever I think about it. <3

# ? Jan 15, 2015 23:57

alarumklok: Jun 30, 2012

"Hi I'm Louise! I'm looking for the perfect sociopath. I like long walks on the beach and four hour monologues."

# ? Jan 16, 2015 00:06

SatansOnion: Dec 12, 2011

Dick Rull posted:

Men with the blood of babes on their blades have no ethics

I suppose he'd know a thing or two about that :catstare:

(Or does it not count if the blood is primarily on your boot instead?)

# ? Jan 16, 2015 00:18

Stallion Cabana: Feb 14, 2012; 1; Get into Grad School

2; Become better at playing Tabletop, both as a player and as a GM/ST/W/E

~~3; Get rid of this goddamn avatar.~~

SatansOnion posted:

I suppose he'd know a thing or two about that

(Or does it not count if the blood is primarily on your boot instead?)

You bring up a good point.

Where the gently caress did that kid go.

# ? Jan 16, 2015 00:29

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

God damnit you had to invoke that. She's totally coming back, you know. She will be used in some of the worst plots of the series.

# ? Jan 16, 2015 00:33

Eediot Jedi: Dec 25, 2007; This is where I begin to speculate what being a
man of my word costs me

SatansOnion posted:

I suppose he'd know a thing or two about that

(Or does it not count if the blood is primarily on your boot instead?)

Dick posted:

"I do not slaughter innocent, defenseless people."

I'm going to have to read the thread again, I can't remember if he's killed the pacifists yet or not. That speech was so awkward and entirely devoid of charisma. Terry should read How to Win Friends and Influence People before his character gives speeches like that. It might help if he gave the Midlands an incentive to join beyond, "I'll loving wreak you mate unless you join me 'willingly'."

# ? Jan 16, 2015 00:35

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

Tommofork posted:

I'm going to have to read the thread again, I can't remember if he's killed the pacifists yet or not.

Not yet. I want to say that's in a book or two.

# ? Jan 16, 2015 00:35

Paragon8: Feb 19, 2007

Richard's actions would make a lot more sense if he started out as an 11 year old like Harry Potter. Makes all the creepy sex much creepier though.

# ? Jan 16, 2015 00:47

Bieeanshee: Aug 21, 2000; Not keen on keening.; Grimey Drawer

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

God damnit you had to invoke that. She's totally coming back, you know. She will be used in some of the worst plots of the series.

Oh, god drat it.

# ? Jan 16, 2015 00:56

TheSmilingJackal: Apr 30, 2007; Don't worry, it's a very heavy feather.

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

God damnit you had to invoke that. She's totally coming back, you know. She will be used in some of the worst plots of the series.

Holy poo poo, really? I thought she just got dropped like so many other loose ends. loving hell, that would have been better. Nothing good can come from her return.

# ? Jan 16, 2015 00:58

Eediot Jedi: Dec 25, 2007; This is where I begin to speculate what being a
man of my word costs me

SatansOnion posted:

I suppose he'd know a thing or two about that

(Or does it not count if the blood is primarily on your boot instead?)

Now that my memory has been jogged this is an absolute pro reference. :golfclap:

DARKSEID DICK PICS posted:

Not yet. I want to say that's in a book or two.

Thanks! I was afraid I'd missed it like Peasant John Galt, which was much smaller than I was expecting from how much it was talked up.

# ? Jan 16, 2015 01:01

claw game handjob: Mar 27, 2007; pinch pinch scrape pinch
ow ow fuck it's caught
i'm bleeding
JESUS TURN IT OFF
WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING

Let's take a breather right now and discuss where this book gets really, really blatant with its analogies, incidentally. I was asked a question:

quote:

"Silence! ... After you have decided to surrender to D�Hara, then I will be interested in what you have to say. Not before!
[...]
Your first is to choose to side with the Imperial Order. They will rule with an iron fist. You will have no say, and no rights."

Tell me, what exactly is the difference between the two sides again?

Glad you asked, unnamed individual! You see, Richard is literally creating the United States right now, by saying "Under me, you will have a central government which you pay taxes to, for our protection against the rest of the world, and the ability to continue to keep your own borders and be free people doing what you like with minimal interference." The Mud People are Puerto Rico, incidentally. That line about road construction? Spot-on.

Meanwhile, and this will become much, much more explicit in a few books' time, the Imperial Order is a massive USSR pastiche, based on every one of the propaganda pieces about them. You know, the Evil Empire, the forced communism keeping everyone held down in equality (while an upper class is "more equal" and there's a god-emperor), the people starving as they work themselves to death and the lazy all want a part of it... etc.

Keep that in mind as we read the rest of the series!

# ? Jan 16, 2015 01:15

Eediot Jedi: Dec 25, 2007; This is where I begin to speculate what being a
man of my word costs me

I'll kill you if you don't submit to me, so I can kill them, so they don't subjugate you. :patriot:

# ? Jan 16, 2015 01:39

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 10, 2024 05:54

Tezzor: Jul 29, 2013; Can't post for 3 years!

The big threat is that if they don't join now he's gonna tax the poo poo out of them after he conquers them. Onerous taxation is the scariest possible nonviolent threat imaginable.

# ? Jan 16, 2015 03:10

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Traditional Games > Let's Read the Sword of Truth books! (Or not. Can we not?)

«‹›173 »