tech bubble: Make someone ugly cry. Adobe can help.

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > tech bubble: Make someone ugly cry. Adobe can help.

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GameCube: Nov 21, 2006

pittsburgh saw its highest level of tech investment ever this year. number one on the list is dynamics inc, with a $70 million investment from mastercard for... credit cards with buttons on them

What is ePlate?

Introducing the world's most technologically advanced credit card. The patented technology inside ePlate allows you to choose which rewards you want to earn with every swipe of the card. Just press one of the two buttons on the card and it actually lights up.

Step 1: Choose your rewards

Use our online Experience Manager to assign rewards to each of the two buttons on your ePlate. Choose from dozens of rewards and change them as often as you'd like on your computer, tablet or smart phone.
You can also choose which rewards to earn when using your ePlate for online purchases.

Step 2: Press a button

When you're ready to make a purchase, use the buttons on your card to choose which reward you want to earn. Press a button and light up that button's reward.

Step 3: Swipe and earn

Swipe your card and start earning amazing rewards instantly. Get notifications or digital content emailed to you within seconds.

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:11

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 19, 2024 16:10

hobbesmaster: Jan 28, 2008

sonatinas posted:

That looks really similar to the appliances I saw in Germany. If so they are actually pretty cool and for some reason they aren't available in the USA. I know chefs use them to make their bases and such.

The one I saw was the old model without all of this extra stuff.

hyper space conserving stuff doesn't sell in the US for obvious reasons

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:11

GameCube: Nov 21, 2006

though tbh when snapchat's holding out for a hundred billion dollars $70 million isn't even worth posting in this thread

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:12

triple sulk: Sep 17, 2014

As a Millennial I posted:

pittsburgh saw its highest level of tech investment ever this year. number one on the list is dynamics inc, with a $70 million investment from mastercard for... credit cards with buttons on them

What is ePlate?

Introducing the world's most technologically advanced credit card. The patented technology inside ePlate allows you to choose which rewards you want to earn with every swipe of the card. Just press one of the two buttons on the card and it actually lights up.

Step 1: Choose your rewards

Use our online Experience Manager to assign rewards to each of the two buttons on your ePlate. Choose from dozens of rewards and change them as often as you'd like on your computer, tablet or smart phone.
You can also choose which rewards to earn when using your ePlate for online purchases.

Step 2: Press a button

When you're ready to make a purchase, use the buttons on your card to choose which reward you want to earn. Press a button and light up that button's reward.

Step 3: Swipe and earn

Swipe your card and start earning amazing rewards instantly. Get notifications or digital content emailed to you within seconds.

I'm all the money they spent developing that card without remembering that it's going to need a chip within the next few months.

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:12

Space-Pope: Aug 13, 2003; by zen death robot

what happens when the battery in my credit card runs out

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:13

Workaday Wizard: Oct 23, 2009; by Pragmatica

Stubbs posted:

returning to food chat about trash applicances

turns out what was really missing from my crockpot was a blender and recipe amiibos

http://thermomix.vorwerk.com/home/

i too like E.S. Posthumus
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GusLypfx7OQ

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:13

triple sulk: Sep 17, 2014

Space-Pope posted:

what happens when the battery in my credit card runs out

You reach for your iPhone and use Pay, OP

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:14

GameCube: Nov 21, 2006

triple sulk posted:

I'm all the money they spent developing that card without remembering that it's going to need a chip within the next few months.

they've been working on it since 2007 lol

Dynamics has won a number of international awards since its formation in 2007.

FinovateEurope 2012: Best of Show
Consumer Electronics Show 2012: Innovations Showcase Award
CARTES & Identification 2011: Best Hardware
FinovateFall 2011: Best of Show
Pittsburgh Technology Council - Tech 50: Innovator of the Year 2011
ICMA 2011: Elan Awards Finalist
Consumer Electronics Show 2011: Best of Innovations
FinovateFall 2010: Best of Show
DEMOFall 2010: DEMOgod Award
DEMOFall 2010: $1 Million People's Choice Award
McGinnis Venture Competition 2009, Elevator Pitch First Prize
McGinnis Venture Competition 2009, First Prize Technology
Rice University Business Plan Competition 2009, Kenda Capital Grand Prize Award
Rice University Business Plan Competition 2009, Goose Society of Texas Grand Prize
Rice University Business Plan Competition 2009, Opportunity Houston Technology Award
USF International Business Plan Competition 2008, Grand Prize Winner
USF International Business Plan Competition 2008, Elevator Pitch Winner

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:16

in a well actually: Jan 26, 2011; dude, you gotta end it on the rhyme

As a Millennial I posted:

pittsburgh saw its highest level of tech investment ever this year. number one on the list is dynamics inc, with a $70 million investment from mastercard for... credit cards with buttons on them

What is ePlate?

Introducing the world's most technologically advanced credit card. The patented technology inside ePlate allows you to choose which rewards you want to earn with every swipe of the card. Just press one of the two buttons on the card and it actually lights up.

Step 1: Choose your rewards

Use our online Experience Manager to assign rewards to each of the two buttons on your ePlate. Choose from dozens of rewards and change them as often as you'd like on your computer, tablet or smart phone.
You can also choose which rewards to earn when using your ePlate for online purchases.

Step 2: Press a button

When you're ready to make a purchase, use the buttons on your card to choose which reward you want to earn. Press a button and light up that button's reward.

Step 3: Swipe and earn

Swipe your card and start earning amazing rewards instantly. Get notifications or digital content emailed to you within seconds.

still less dumb than clinkle

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:16

hobbesmaster: Jan 28, 2008

Space-Pope posted:

what happens when the battery in my credit card runs out

presumably it runs off the power provided by the tap to pay terminals or as part of a chip and pin setup.

quote:

Card 2.0� is a paper-thin, flexible computer platform in a payment card form factor. The device is designed to be as thin, flexible, and durable as a traditional payment card and last over three years on a single battery charge. The device includes a number of peripheral management circuits that are directed to power management, timing, and control. Accordingly, a number of peripherals may be added to the platform - such as buttons, to allow a user to enter information into the card, and displays, to allow users to receive information from the card.

oh. well. i guess $70mil isn't too much for visa/mastercard/etc. to throw at something that could potentially be useful and differentiate one card from another

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:16

GameCube: Nov 21, 2006

the battery lasts for 3 years supposedly

and they do have a chip solution i guess

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZkycnKCYns

but still lol that they finally got someone to sign on, the year that apple pay's released

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:17

Jonny 290: May 5, 2005; [ASK] me about OS/2 Warp

people will stop pressing the buttons because they dont want to constantly have to make evaluations and decisions all day and they wont have to pay out rewards but will say "bbbbbut we put the cards out!"

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:18

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud: Apr 7, 2003

Card 2.0�

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:18

GameCube: Nov 21, 2006

i just noticed that jersey jack pinball is one of the rewards, and i've decided that the Card 2.0 is good.

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:20

hobbesmaster: Jan 28, 2008

again presumably it saves your last choice and just does that again

real problem is show in the pictures of people using it, in handing it off the the cashier the cashier's finger is over the other button :laugh:

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:21

hobbesmaster: Jan 28, 2008

the same technology could be used for on card pins which would be kinda cool but everybody is going to forget to enter the pin before putting in the reader just making everything take longer

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:22

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud: Apr 7, 2003

hobbesmaster posted:

the same technology could be used for on card pins which would be kinda cool but everybody is going to forget to enter the pin before putting in the reader just making everything take longer

Card 2.0�

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:22

hobbesmaster: Jan 28, 2008

card 2.0 is pay, this is card 1.5 at best so yeah they're hosed

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:24

carry on then: Jul 10, 2010; by VideoGames
(and can't post for 10 years!)

Citizen Tayne posted:

Card 2.0�

Microsoft Card� 95 Plus!

# ? Jan 16, 2015 22:26

Assepoester: Jul 18, 2004; Can't post for 10 years!; Melman v2

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jul/22/the-tech-utopia-nobody-wants-why-the-world-nerds-are-creating-will-be-awful

# ? Jan 16, 2015 23:56

triple sulk: Sep 17, 2014

https://twitter.com/shanley/status/556230566052261888

lmao

# ? Jan 17, 2015 00:44

eschaton: Mar 7, 2007; Don't you just hate when you wind up in a store with people who are in a socioeconomic class that is pretty obviously about two levels lower than your own?

hobbesmaster posted:

hyper space conserving stuff doesn't sell in the US for obvious reasons

it smacks of communism, everybody should have a multi-acre ranch

# ? Jan 17, 2015 01:14

eschaton: Mar 7, 2007; Don't you just hate when you wind up in a store with people who are in a socioeconomic class that is pretty obviously about two levels lower than your own?

As a Millennial I posted:

they've been working on it since 2007 lol

since the iPhone was first announced?

and it's still not available?

# ? Jan 17, 2015 01:17

Main Paineframe: Oct 27, 2010

this article almost killed me

quote:

The Good News

Founders Have a Right to Rule

October 27th, 2014

Photo of Sheev Palpatine, founder of the Galactic Empire.

I firmly believe that founders have a right to rule. This is because founders are the sorts of people who do not take power; they do not usurp power; and they do not inherit power. Instead, founders create their power from thin air where there was previously none. Founders are simply awesome people who make things happen; and as a result, they experience this phenomenon where power just materialises around them from the �ther. It�s the truest and most noble form of power, and I feel it ought be embraced despotically.

By founders, I refer to the enterprising men and women who start corporations, start open source software projects, start social movements, etc. They are the people whose genius sparks in them a divine truth that no one else has seen, yet can be immediately admired and embraced by others, once they�ve had a chance to bask in its glory. But in addition to their divine genius, founders also possess the perseverence to bring these NP-complete truths to the world.

Open Source Authoritarianism

Much of my politics has been coloured by my participation in the open source community. In the open source world, we have people whom we refer to as �Benevolent Dictators For Life�. The most prolific of all the BDFLs would be Linus Torvalds, who founded the Linux Kernel project. Linux basically runs all of the world�s computing systems. Windows is nothing more than a shoddy terminal into a worldwide Linux mainframe. And all the decision-making authority for controlling what goes into that mainframe, rests in the hands of just one man: Linus Torvalds.

How did Mister Torvalds gain so much power? Did he murder the person who was previously in charge? Of course not. Was he a capitalist who ruthlessly extracted surplus value from an army of exploited workers? Not at all, considering his work belongs to the public without profit motive. So then he surely must have been a politician who got elected to his position of power by the people? Don�t be silly! Mister Torvalds was simply a highly responsible genius who solved a lot of difficult problems for a lot of different people, and an empire simply grew around him.

There�s no democracy in Linux. There�s no parliamentary system for deciding which features get merged into the kernel. There�s no political commissars who tell Mister Torvalds what he can and can�t do. He�s a literal dictator. You cannot add a feature to the Linux kernel without his approval. He is completely unregulated by the government and he does not answer to any corporate master. He also says and does whatever he feels like doing. The reason why he can get away with it, is because his power is unquestionably and irrevocably secure for life.

Yet for some reason, these simple facts just don�t click in people�s minds. No one ever thinks to demand a democratic overthrow of the Linux Kernel, because democracy is actually a strange and unnatural concept to humans. (It�s also because Marxist agitators don�t know how to code! hahahaha) The only reason we demand democracy from our government is because we�ve been brainwashed from birth to do so, by academics and the media. But that brainwashing doesn�t carry over to software empires apparently.

Now chances are that you, my dear reader, were conditioned from birth to believe that absolute power is basically evil incarnate. If you and I were having a conversation right now, you might even choose to spew that common liberal quip about how absolute power corrupts absolutely. But how can that be the case, considering how well the Linux Kernel works? How could Mister Torvalds be absolutely corrupt, if developers love him so dearly that they gleefully volunteer to work on his project for free? Linux is actually the largest collaborative project in human history. It just so happens to be run by an absolute dictator. That�s a fact, and the people just adore him. Hobbes would totally approve.

So unaccountable authority is actually a good thing for Mister Torvalds. But counter-intuitively, it�s an even better thing for the rest of us in the developer community. I must say that as a young geek, I was greatly inspired by Mister Torvalds because he�s the first powerful leader I ever admired who didn�t lie to me! This is because the immutability of his power grants him the freedom to speak openly and honestly in addition to being fully transparent.

The man has no need for secrecy, which is what lawyers would typically demand from someone with his level of authority. He also does not consult public relations firms before speaking. And he certainly does not pay obeisance to the media. This is because there�s absolutely nothing that any of these people can do to dethrone him. Therefore Mister Torvalds has nothing to fear, which is the very thing that permits him the luxury of doing the right thing. But in all fairness, this does also means that on occasion, you�ll see him unleash some furious anger on the LKML by tearing some poor unsuspecting newb to shreds for expressing an idiotic opinion.

There can be no doubt that the enlightened dictator model works. But that�s if and only if the dictator is actually enlightened. And the only time that�s consistently the case, is when it comes to founders. Founders rise and fall based on their merits, and the ones who survive their trials and tribulations are always fit to rule. Sure, founders can get a bit fussy sometimes as they�re ascending to power, once they realise how ignorant they are compared to their advisors. This was the case with Steve Jobs and Larry Page, who acted quite foolishly at the beginning of their reigns. But this is forgivable, since the learning curve is actually quite steep for those who suddenly find themselves in charge of empires! But given enough time, founders will always rise to the challenge, because founders have the right stuff.

Why do founders have the right stuff? Because society selects them for their brilliance. Compare that to politicians, who are selected for their charisma and utter normality; because let�s be honest here: democracy is nothing more than a popularity contest. Or you could compare founders to corporate executives, who are typically selected for their sociopathic cunningness. There�s also media men, who are selected for their ruthlessness in bullying others, in addition to their adeptness at stiring up hysteria. The fact of matter is that anyone who actively seeks power, will tend to have a whole lot less virtue than those who have it deservingly fall in their lap. So taking these things into consideration, it becomes clear that if any group is entitled to rule the world, it should be founders.
Traditional Monarchy

I think most people would agree with my assessment, regardless of their political views. But the main question I hear people ask in this particular debate, is what happens when a founder dies? In the ninth century, Charlemagne (founder of Christendom) provided us with a very simple solution called primogeniture. That basically meant power got handed down to the first born son. (In the dark ages, countries were actually divided equally amongst a sovereign�s children upon death!) This is because throughout the ages, humans have known that awesomeness is heritable. Thanks to DNA, you can be reasonably certain that if a founder is awesome, then their kids (if well nurtured) will probably be awesome too.

But hereditary privilege isn�t always awesome. As Plato taught us thousands of years ago in his discussion of the Five Regimes, monarchal dynasties have a tendency to decline with each passing generation. Thomas Aquinas also taught us that absolute monarchy is absolutely awesome when the monarch is awesome, but on the other hand it�s horribly tyrannical when the sovereign is a degenerate. Aquinas also studied democracy, which he concluded was never an awesome system, but in that same breath he argued that it could never be truly horrible�democracy is just sort of consistently crumby all the time.

I�m certain that our ancestors who started the French Revolution understood these things and ultimately came to the conclusion that a perpetually crumby government was preferable to the degenerate monarchy they had the time. And oh how they spilled a river of blood to get it.

Democracy was also readily accepted by the business elite who tend to thrive in a uniform predictable environment. Another reason why businessmen support democracy, is because they fear a competent sovereign who�unlike dysfunctional parliamentary bodies that can easily be gamed�actually has the power to hold them accountable for predatory practices.

This shift to democracy actually ended up causing a whole lot of problems in the 19th century with the oil, railroad, and steel tycoons. And we had to invent onerous bureaucratic regulatory systems as a result. All due to what Moldbug would describe as our �chronic kinglessness.� I would also go so far as to argue that global warming and the rampant destruction of our natural surroundings are also an unfortunate consequence of the fact that there�s no protector of this blighted realm.

But thankfully, the tech industry has a solution to these age old problems: make founders live forever. In 2013, Google funded the creation of a new startup called Calico which aims to create life extension technology. And I expect the impact this will have on politics will be quite entertaining to watch.

Conclusion

The decentralised despotism of founders is the modus operandi of the tech industry and open source community. This model is in stark contrast to the traditional methods of progressive liberalism, and it�s here to stay. As the power of the tech industry grows, this model will continue to flourish and expand to greater parts of society. As techies and as citizens, we ought to welcome this new mode of organising. Let�s embrace it without apologies.

Beware the shareholders who seek to make founders subservient to their greed, for their interests are not always what�s best for society. Beware the media, which is quick to demand democracy, for democratic societies are always ruled by the people who tell the people what to think. Beware the mob, for their wishes are not their own, as they are merely zombies summoned by the media to attack that which is strong.

� Justine Alexandra Roberts Tunney ❧ 2014

My views do not represent Google

# ? Jan 17, 2015 01:25

Space-Pope: Aug 13, 2003; by zen death robot

Main Paineframe posted:

this article almost killed me

"Give poor people @soylent so they can be healthy and productive. If you're on food stamps, maybe you're unhealthy and need to eat better."

# ? Jan 17, 2015 01:30

qirex: Feb 15, 2001

do not post justine tunney like ever

she's equally horrible if she really means it or is just trolling

# ? Jan 17, 2015 01:31

Stubbs: Oct 24, 2005

at this point she'd have to be dedicated to years of weev level trolling for that to be the case

and look how he turned out

# ? Jan 17, 2015 01:37

fits my needs: Jan 1, 2011; Grimey Drawer

justine tunney is the only lasting success of occupy wallstreet. makes you think.

# ? Jan 17, 2015 01:38

Notorious b.s.d.: Jan 25, 2003; by Reene

As a Millennial I posted:

pittsburgh saw its highest level of tech investment ever this year. number one on the list is dynamics inc, with a $70 million investment from mastercard for... credit cards with buttons on them

What is ePlate?

Introducing the world's most technologically advanced credit card. The patented technology inside ePlate allows you to choose which rewards you want to earn with every swipe of the card. Just press one of the two buttons on the card and it actually lights up.

Step 1: Choose your rewards

Use our online Experience Manager to assign rewards to each of the two buttons on your ePlate. Choose from dozens of rewards and change them as often as you'd like on your computer, tablet or smart phone.
You can also choose which rewards to earn when using your ePlate for online purchases.

Step 2: Press a button

When you're ready to make a purchase, use the buttons on your card to choose which reward you want to earn. Press a button and light up that button's reward.

Step 3: Swipe and earn

Swipe your card and start earning amazing rewards instantly. Get notifications or digital content emailed to you within seconds.

teeny problem: who on earth wants any reward other than cash back?

# ? Jan 17, 2015 02:00

Nintendo Kid: Aug 4, 2011; by Smythe

As a Millennial I posted:

my crockpot might be the only electric thing i've purchased in the past decade that doesn't have an LED on it

mine has an red led for a power light

# ? Jan 17, 2015 03:33

graph: Nov 22, 2006; aaag peanuts

quote:

But thankfully, the tech industry has a solution to these age old problems: make founders live forever. In 2013, Google funded the creation of a new startup called Calico which aims to create life extension technology. And I expect the impact this will have on politics will be quite entertaining to watch.

what the gently caress does this even mean
what is the point shes trying to get across

other than 'heh, check out this thing that doesnt exist :smug:

. should be entertaining :smug:

# ? Jan 17, 2015 04:50

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud: Apr 7, 2003

Death actually owns and is good and without death, humankind would be horribly static and lovely.

# ? Jan 17, 2015 04:51

Pittsburgh Fentanyl Cloud: Apr 7, 2003

"oh thank god, Cornelius Vanderbilt is going to live forever, this is going to be great" - a railroad worker slowly being crushed to death by an unmaintained rail car

# ? Jan 17, 2015 04:52

theadder: Dec 30, 2011

graph posted:

what the gently caress does this even mean
what is the point shes trying to get across

other than 'heh, check out this thing that doesnt exist . should be entertaining '

lol

# ? Jan 17, 2015 04:55

jetz0r: May 10, 2003; Tomorrow, our nation will sit on the throne of the world. This is not a figment of the imagination, but a fact. Tomorrow we will lead the world, Allah willing.

graph posted:

what the gently caress does this even mean
what is the point shes trying to get across

other than 'heh, check out this thing that doesnt exist . should be entertaining '

Justine Tunney

# ? Jan 17, 2015 04:59

Elder Postsman: Aug 30, 2000; i used hot bot to search for "teens"

Citizen Tayne posted:

Death actually owns and is good and without death, humankind would be horribly static and lovely.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Jtpf8N5IDE

# ? Jan 17, 2015 05:00

theflyingexecutive: Apr 22, 2007

ugh justine tunney is the worrrrrst, quoting loving moldbug? poo poo

# ? Jan 17, 2015 05:12

Nintendo Kid: Aug 4, 2011; by Smythe

theflyingexecutive posted:

ugh justine tunney is the worrrrrst, quoting loving moldbug? poo poo

i will forever love that a man who wanted to be taken seriously took a name that applies to like:
a) an evil incompetent wizard who gets owned by a child in a harry potter book
b) an incompetent henchman in an action movie
c) a lovely video game miniboss

# ? Jan 17, 2015 05:26

Notorious b.s.d.: Jan 25, 2003; by Reene

mencius moldbug sounds like a dickens character

probably not a very nice one

# ? Jan 17, 2015 06:50

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 19, 2024 16:10

theflyingexecutive: Apr 22, 2007

"In short, Moldbug reads like an overconfident autodidact�s imitation of a Lewis Lapham essay�if Lewis Lapham were a fascist teenage Dungeon Master."

# ? Jan 17, 2015 07:27

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > tech bubble: Make someone ugly cry. Adobe can help.

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