Crusader Kings II: I desperately want to be cucked by Satan

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Crusader Kings II: I desperately want to be cucked by Satan

Cast_No_Shadow: Jun 8, 2010; The Republic of Luna Equestria is a huge, socially progressive nation, notable for its punitive income tax rates. Its compassionate, cynical population of 714m are ruled with an iron fist by the dictatorship government, which ensures that no-one outside the party gets too rich.

Strudel Man posted:

And of course, for the ones you do give out, you get the -30 'wrong government type' penalty. Just feels, ugh. Dumb. Giving away land you've conquered to your sons should not be this big of a headache.

Should probably follow something closer to the first generation of rulers get poo poo out of the developed cities and towns, they either plunder it for gold, take a bunch of people and force them to do X or completely mismanage everything but they love you for it.

A generation or two later you basically get the European version of Chinese Mongols, you take over settled land, you rule it and in a few generations you're basically indistinguishable from the locals. It takes huge effort not to be. so then you can hate you stupid barbaric uncle who lives in a tent and smells like poo poo.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 09:00

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# ? Jun 5, 2024 11:56

Strudel Man: May 19, 2003; ROME DID NOT HAVE ROBOTS, FUCKWIT

Cast_No_Shadow posted:

A generation or two later you basically get the European version of Chinese Mongols, you take over settled land, you rule it and in a few generations you're basically indistinguishable from the locals. It takes huge effort not to be. so then you can hate you stupid barbaric uncle who lives in a tent and smells like poo poo.

That would make sense, except it cannot apply to the top ruler. So you can set up vassals who become effete and civilized by living in their castles (even if they're still unreformed pagans), but the crown you wear physically prevents you from setting foot inside a castle yourself (even if you're not an unreformed pagan). And anyone who inherits the crown will be similarly afflicted, though I imagine a vassal brother who was given a castle would be able to press their claim and maintain civilization.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 09:21

Alectai: Dec 31, 2008; It doesn't matter how long I live, I will never have a hat as dashing as this.

I feel your pain, I've got a merchant republic up in that area and I keep oblitering their raiders, but they just keep coming. They're not even making a lot of money off of it! They just send their soldiers off to die, and then they spawn another 2K troops within three, four months and try again

# ? Feb 2, 2015 09:53

Elias_Maluco: Aug 23, 2007; I need to sleep

Volkerball posted:

Does anyone know any good guides for playing as a vassal? I didn't realize how much EVERYONE plays as an Emperor or something until I started trying to find out how to play as a vassal. I started as the Sunni Nahua duke of Mosul at the CM start, and I need to rip the Abassid blob apart from the inside so I can use that sweet invasion CB to clean up the mess. I got my hands on some sweet holdings, but crown law went to medium really quick, so I can't press claims against other vassals, and I have no idea what to do aside from waiting.

I usually like to start has a vassal duke and work my way up.

Always look for opportunities to expand, inside and outside. If you cant declare war inside, declare outside. Get stronger and then start/join a faction for lower crown authority.

Look for infidels and independent dukes and counts. Its actually easier to expand when you can invade then but hey wont attack you back, because they would have to attack your liege instead (specially if you are a vassal of something big)

Be sure you are the strongest vassal always and that you have at least 50% of your liege strength and he wont mess with you and mostly you will be able to cut his crap whenever he tries to raise crown authority.

Also, it is good to help your liege in defensive wars against powerful neighbours, whenever is necessary (the AI is dumb). You dont want the bizantines stealing land from the arabian empire and getting too strong, you will have to deal with that later.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 11:56

HaitianDivorce: Jul 29, 2012

Volkerball posted:

Does anyone know any good guides for playing as a vassal? I didn't realize how much EVERYONE plays as an Emperor or something until I started trying to find out how to play as a vassal. I started as the Sunni Nahua duke of Mosul at the CM start, and I need to rip the Abassid blob apart from the inside so I can use that sweet invasion CB to clean up the mess. I got my hands on some sweet holdings, but crown law went to medium really quick, so I can't press claims against other vassals, and I have no idea what to do aside from waiting.

wassup literally-a-cancer-on-the-Abassids buddy

# ? Feb 2, 2015 12:19

Knuc U Kinte: Aug 17, 2004

If your liege is actually increasing crown authority then you as a vassal are doing something very wrong. Your job is to increase power relative to your liege which is best done by undermining the poo poo out of him at every turn rather than prioritising your own power base.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 12:24

Volkerball: Oct 15, 2009; by FactsAreUseless

Elias_Maluco posted:

I usually like to start has a vassal duke and work my way up.

Always look for opportunities to expand, inside and outside. If you cant declare war inside, declare outside. Get stronger and then start/join a faction for lower crown authority.

Look for infidels and independent dukes and counts. Its actually easier to expand when you can invade then but hey wont attack you back, because they would have to attack your liege instead (specially if you are a vassal of something big)

Be sure you are the strongest vassal always and that you have at least 50% of your liege strength and he wont mess with you and mostly you will be able to cut his crap whenever he tries to raise crown authority.

Also, it is good to help your liege in defensive wars against powerful neighbours, whenever is necessary (the AI is dumb). You dont want the bizantines stealing land from the arabian empire and getting too strong, you will have to deal with that later.

Things actually ended up working pretty well for me. The empire took some heavy losses in India, so I pushed my factions claim to lower crown authority, and they came at my army of 9k men with about 6k. I wiped them and won the war, which let me press my claim on the duchy of Baghdad. While I was doing that, since I had wiped the Abassid's army, a bunch of revolts popped up, and it gave me a window to push an independence faction with 500%+ the Caliph's strength. Since I was liberated, I was free to use my tribal invasion CB to sweep up everyone who revolted with me. Hope you enjoyed your independence! :v:

Here's the situation now.

Don't know how the hell the Zunists pulled that off, but I hope they stick around. Currently occupied by the Caliph and a Buddhist uprising.

After starting off as the duke of Mosul, with the counties of Samarra and Mosul to my name, here's where I sit.

I managed to scoop up two more 7 holding counties in Rayy and Esfahan for my personal holdings while I was independent, adding them to my capital, Baghdad (which the Caliph gave to a vassal for some dumb as gently caress reason a few decades ago), which I believe means I personally control every 7 holding county in the Arabian empire minus Tigris and Cairo if I remember right. And Tigris is next on the docket. I've never upgraded above medium centralization, but I might just do it this game because holy poo poo is this region of Arabia overpowered. I have 9 holdings currently, and every one of them is a 6 holding county or above. While I was independent, I formed the titular kingdom of Mosul. I then swore fealty to the Abassid Caliph because there's much more room for expansion within the empire than outside it. He has a +71 opinion of me. :v:

Now I'm going to take Tigris and rinse and repeat my independence faction and scoop up my fellow revolters plan, which should be much easier now that I'm sitting at 12k max levy to the Abassid's 20, and I'm still waiting on "recently conquered" penalties to go away. My income is ridiculous, and I'm pouring it into upgrading my holdings, and with the rulership focus, I've bought 2 baronies so far for 300 ducats. I'm expanding so much faster than the Caliph. He's completely hosed and it's awesome.

HaitianDivorce posted:

wassup literally-a-cancer-on-the-Abassids buddy

Owns.

Knuc U Kinte posted:

If your liege is actually increasing crown authority then you as a vassal are doing something very wrong. Your job is to increase power relative to your liege which is best done by undermining the poo poo out of him at every turn rather than prioritising your own power base.

I honestly forgot all about it. I was at war to claim Gilan, looking to press my claim on the duchy of Baghdad next, and when I went to the second war, send was grayed out. :negative:

But we're back to autonomous vassals, and without my votes, that won't be changing soon.

I'm legit scared of what I can do with the tribal invasion CB once I take control of the Arabian Empire. I can take the entirety of the Byzantine empire in a decade or so for a whopping cost of 500 prestige. :stare:

# ? Feb 2, 2015 12:52

Volkerball: Oct 15, 2009; by FactsAreUseless

on second thought...

# ? Feb 2, 2015 13:19

DrSunshine: Mar 23, 2009; Did I just say that out loud~~?!!!

I have to make this mod now...

# ? Feb 2, 2015 17:05

QuoProQuid: Jan 12, 2012; Tr*ckin' and F*ckin' all the way to tha
T O P

DrSunshine posted:

I have to make this mod now...

Crusader Kings 2: Redwall?

# ? Feb 2, 2015 17:10

Baalfrog: Nov 14, 2012; Thats pretty neat.

Midnight Voyager posted:

Dog cures depression. And some focuses do allow you a chance at gaining/losing certain traits via random event. I'd have to see the event text to see if it was actually due to the focus or what. I believe the text is different?

Hunting focus can also randomly give Strong trait, which is another boost to Health stat, so you live longer. Seems to me that hunting is the best pick... Also the white stag still eludes me, has anyone actually caught that drat thing? All I've done on my hunting trips across multiple generations is buying suspicious potions from suspicious old women living in the woods.

QuoProQuid posted:

Crusader Kings 2: Redwall?

I would so play it!

# ? Feb 2, 2015 19:01

MLKQUOTEMACHINE: Oct 22, 2012; Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice-skate uphill

QuoProQuid posted:

Crusader Kings 2: Redwall?

I didn't know that I needed this so badly.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 19:12

SelenicMartian: Sep 14, 2013; Sometimes it's not the bomb that's retarded.

DrSunshine posted:

Also needed: King in the Willows, Stewardship Down, and Plague Dukes.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 19:17

Bold Robot: Jan 6, 2009; Be brave.

What are the possible outcomes of buying the potion from the crone in the Hunting focus? I've only ever gotten negative modifiers, are there good ones?

# ? Feb 2, 2015 19:49

Strudel Man: May 19, 2003; ROME DID NOT HAVE ROBOTS, FUCKWIT

Baalfrog posted:

Hunting focus can also randomly give Strong trait, which is another boost to Health stat, so you live longer.

Emphasis on 'can.' Each hunt has an 11% chance of giving you the appropriate event, which itself has a 20% chance of giving you strong, so you're looking at a 2% chance per hunt. It's not exactly something to rely on.

Also, I didn't realize before, but there's actually special events added in the Old Gods that, if you're part of the mongol power structure, tell you about the sacking of important cities from the Mongols' point of view. The only trouble is, for some reason, they're all set as hide_from = yes, so you can't actually see them. :confused:

Bold Robot posted:

What are the possible outcomes of buying the potion from the crone in the Hunting focus? I've only ever gotten negative modifiers, are there good ones?

20% chance each of ill, stressed, lustful, brave, diligent.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 19:54

Baalfrog: Nov 14, 2012; Thats pretty neat.

Strudel Man posted:

Emphasis on 'can.' Each hunt has an 11% chance of giving you the appropriate event, which itself has a 20% chance of giving you strong, so you're looking at a 2% chance per hunt. It's not exactly something to rely on.

Well, it is not something to rely on, but considering that hunting focus is extremely cool, this just adds more value to it. And because the hunts take place quite often, the chance is relatively good if you stick to the hunting focus for say, 20 or 30 years.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 20:06

Guildencrantz: May 1, 2012; IM ONE OF THE GOOD ONES

How do you guys deal with vassal management in huge fuckoff empires? I haven't really played a massive realm since the vassal limit was introduced and it's giving me trouble (in a good way, I like the mechanic as it's challenging). As the Fylkirate, I've reversed the tide of Christendom and I'm basically steamrolling Northern Europe, but now that I own all of Scandinavia and Britain, I'm up against the limit, and that's with four vassal kings and a couple of megadukes that I still need to take apart.

So far things are pretty stable, but if too many of those empowered dudes get it in their heads to remove me from power I could be hosed. I could reduce centralization, but then owning multiple kingdoms means I also can't get rid of their capital counties to concentrate my demesne, and the larger the kingdom the more direct vassals I have to keep around. What's the generally accepted realm structure for concentrating power?

# ? Feb 2, 2015 20:41

FreudianSlippers: Apr 12, 2010; Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!

I think Aegon the Conqueror in the GoT mod might be slightly overpowered.

Shortly after this I took both Lys and Tyrosh. I also took Ibben for shits and giggles and for some reason I have a CB on loving Asshai by the shadow.

I think this might be a bug since there is an event when you start that says do you want to take over Westeros or try to reform Valyria in Essos.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 20:47

Strudel Man: May 19, 2003; ROME DID NOT HAVE ROBOTS, FUCKWIT

Baalfrog posted:

Well, it is not something to rely on, but considering that hunting focus is extremely cool, this just adds more value to it. And because the hunts take place quite often, the chance is relatively good if you stick to the hunting focus for say, 20 or 30 years.

It's actually kind of unclear to me how often hunts should take place. The trigger for the next hunt happens when the first one ends, with

code:

hidden_tooltip = { character_event = { id = WoL.5002 days = 365 random = 1000 } }

Which is an odd command, as it sets the next hunt to take place in 365 plus or minus 1000 days. Obviously, it can't trigger an event in the past, so this must be between 1(0?) and 1365 days. It's possible to imagine that all the negative results would turn into 1(0?), but if that were the case, you'd see a decent fraction of hunts begin immediately after the next one ends, which doesn't seem to happen, so I assume it really does use the 1-1365 range more or less as is.

I guess the real question is whether that probability is evenly distributed or not. Most things paradox does appear to use an even distribution, so it would be my default assumption. But if so, that would imply an average 683 days between hunts, almost two years, and this doesn't appear to be the case either - it seems like it happens faster than that. The wiki isn't much help, either.

Anyway, I'm not really that fond of the hunting focus. I seem to get "unsuccessful hunt, -20 prestige" or "encounter a hunter" 90% of the time.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 20:50

Eric the Mauve: May 8, 2012; Making you happy for a buck since 199X

Guildencrantz posted:

How do you guys deal with vassal management in huge fuckoff empires? I haven't really played a massive realm since the vassal limit was introduced and it's giving me trouble (in a good way, I like the mechanic as it's challenging). As the Fylkirate, I've reversed the tide of Christendom and I'm basically steamrolling Northern Europe, but now that I own all of Scandinavia and Britain, I'm up against the limit, and that's with four vassal kings and a couple of megadukes that I still need to take apart.

So far things are pretty stable, but if too many of those empowered dudes get it in their heads to remove me from power I could be hosed. I could reduce centralization, but then owning multiple kingdoms means I also can't get rid of their capital counties to concentrate my demesne, and the larger the kingdom the more direct vassals I have to keep around. What's the generally accepted realm structure for concentrating power?

I don't know about generally accepted, but for my own demesne I prefer:

1. A mega-county as my capital--preferably 6 holdings, preferably 4 of them should be baronies so the Marshal Training bonus can affect them all;
2. Two side-by-side duchies as my personal demesne;
3. I will personally hold all baronies in my capital, so I might need to give 1-3 of the least important counties in my duchies to a count vassal. I prefer this to anyone else owning anything in my capital county.

As for the vassals, it's pretty much just create and hand out kingdoms as needed. Vassal kings are troublemakers but it's a lot easier to deal with one troublesome vassal than eight, if you hold the kingdom yourself.

With a large empire, if you're ever lucky enough to get Depressed on an older ruler with a well-secured succession, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT. Just kick every single Ambitious rear end in a top hat duke or king to the curb, it doesn't matter if you rack up a -800 Tyranny penalty with everyone because the second you have everything redistributed to Content people you can off yourself.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 21:42

pwnyXpress: Mar 28, 2007

Relevant news to this thread's interest, probably:

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/feb/02/iceland-temple-norse-gods-1000-years

# ? Feb 2, 2015 21:50

AAAAA! Real Muenster: Jul 12, 2008; My QB is also named Bort

Eric the Mauve posted:

With a large empire, if you're ever lucky enough to get Depressed on an older ruler with a well-secured succession, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT. Just kick every single Ambitious rear end in a top hat duke or king to the curb, it doesn't matter if you rack up a -800 Tyranny penalty with everyone because the second you have everything redistributed to Content people you can off yourself.

Off yourself THEN redistribute everything (while paused), so your vassals like you even more because you granted them a title :eng101:

# ? Feb 2, 2015 21:53

Elias_Maluco: Aug 23, 2007; I need to sleep

Bort Bortles posted:

Off yourself THEN redistribute everything (while paused), so your vassals like you even more because you granted them a title

Pardon my ignorance, but how exactly you can off yourself when you have the depressed trait?

EDIT: vvvvv gently caress, how come I never noticed that

Elias_Maluco fucked around with this message at 22:18 on Feb 2, 2015

# ? Feb 2, 2015 21:56

GenderSelectScreen: Mar 7, 2010; I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME; College Slice

There's a decision to kill yourself in the Intrigue tab when you have the depressed trait.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 22:13

Eric the Mauve: May 8, 2012; Making you happy for a buck since 199X

I think WoL moved it to the diplomacy menu when you right-click on yourself, actually.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 22:21

Chickpea Roar: Jan 11, 2006; Merdre!

Eric the Mauve posted:

With a large empire, if you're ever lucky enough to get Depressed on an older ruler with a well-secured succession, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF IT. Just kick every single Ambitious rear end in a top hat duke or king to the curb, it doesn't matter if you rack up a -800 Tyranny penalty with everyone because the second you have everything redistributed to Content people you can off yourself.

That's what I did with my 40 year old strong martial educated ruler, but just as I tried to revoke the last county the hunting focus cured my depression :v:

I could probably have offed myself before clicking the event, but I didn't know about this:

Eric the Mauve posted:

I think WoL moved it to the diplomacy menu when you right-click on yourself, actually.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 22:26

Gort: Aug 18, 2003; Good day what ho cup of tea

I'm a two-county count who's won an independence war against my duke and the king is now my liege. I want to become the duke, and I've got a (weak) claim on his county. Why is the game telling me I don't have a valid cassus belli?

I also don't have any option to usurp the duchy despite owning two-thirds of it - my only option is to "claim" it, which the Pope won't do despite the other guy being the literal Voice of Satan.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 22:28

Eric the Mauve: May 8, 2012; Making you happy for a buck since 199X

Dumb questions I know, but: is the current duchy holder at war right now? Is the current holder of the county you have a claim on female, a child or in a regency? Are you absolutely sure the two counties you hold are two of the duchy's three *de jure* counties, which are often different from the current de facto counties?

# ? Feb 2, 2015 22:32

Gort: Aug 18, 2003; Good day what ho cup of tea

Eric the Mauve posted:

Dumb questions I know, but: is the current duchy holder at war right now?

No.

quote:

Is the current holder of the county you have a claim on female, a child or in a regency?

No.

quote:

Are you absolutely sure the two counties you hold are two of the duchy's three *de jure* counties, which are often different from the current de facto counties?

Yes.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 22:33

Eric the Mauve: May 8, 2012; Making you happy for a buck since 199X

Well, that answers your second question then, as a weak claim can only be pressed if the title holder is female, a child or in a regency.

The other ones, I have no idea. Are you using any mods? If you want to upload your save somewhere I'll take a look, as I have no idea why the Usurp button wouldn't appear if you genuinely hold 2/3 of the counties in a de jure duchy. I mean maybe you don't have enough money but even then it should still appear, it would just be grayed out, I think.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 22:36

Jump King: Aug 10, 2011

I always read about people assassinating everybody left and right but assassination seems pretty difficult unless it's a foreigner in your court. What am I not getting here?

# ? Feb 2, 2015 22:38

Gort: Aug 18, 2003; Good day what ho cup of tea

No, no mods. Unfortunately my current save is a little way on from this situation and an enormous revolt has started, but maybe you can make sense of it anyway. I'm the count of Ferrara and Bologna is the county I want.

http://www.mediafire.com/download/qfbhi5o0m477aqp/mp_Carinthia955_08_22.ck2

# ? Feb 2, 2015 22:41

TheMcD: May 4, 2013; Monaca / Subject N 2024
---------
Despair will never let you down.
Malice will never disappoint you.

Can you usurp stuff when you're not independent, particularly when you and your target have the same top-level liege? I had a similar thing going on in the HRE and assumed that was just the way things worked.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 22:42

Dallan Invictus: Oct 11, 2007; The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes, look for them behind words that have changed their meaning.

MildManeredManikin posted:

I always read about people assassinating everybody left and right but assassination seems pretty difficult unless it's a foreigner in your court. What am I not getting here?

The patch that removed assasination from the diplomacy menu and made it plot-only was fairly recent (and Crusader Kings II: The Only Way Is Stabbing had become a meme long before then.)

That same patch introduced a councillor mission to boost plot power if your target is in the relevant province, but the effect is a lot smaller than I think it needs to be.

TheMcD posted:

Can you usurp stuff when you're not independent, particularly when you and your target have the same top-level liege? I had a similar thing going on in the HRE and assumed that was just the way things worked.

Yes, as long as the title in question is a lower level than that of your liege.

Dallan Invictus fucked around with this message at 22:46 on Feb 2, 2015

# ? Feb 2, 2015 22:43

Strudel Man: May 19, 2003; ROME DID NOT HAVE ROBOTS, FUCKWIT

MildManeredManikin posted:

I always read about people assassinating everybody left and right but assassination seems pretty difficult unless it's a foreigner in your court. What am I not getting here?

People massively exaggerate the extent to which assassination is a realistic solution to problems in CK2.

# ? Feb 2, 2015 22:45

Eric the Mauve: May 8, 2012; Making you happy for a buck since 199X

MildManeredManikin posted:

I always read about people assassinating everybody left and right but assassination seems pretty difficult unless it's a foreigner in your court. What am I not getting here?

It used to be a lot easier before the Assassinate button was removed. Now you can only assassinate via plots and they're bullshit (don't even bother unless you're cool with the whole world knowing about it and you eating the Known Murderer opinion penalty, plus it'll probably take a couple years).

Gort posted:

No, no mods. Unfortunately my current save is a little way on from this situation and an enormous revolt has started, but maybe you can make sense of it anyway. I'm the count of Ferrara and Bologna is the county I want.

http://www.mediafire.com/download/qfbhi5o0m477aqp/mp_Carinthia955_08_22.ck2

Wait, does that 'mp' in the file name mean it's multiplayer?

# ? Feb 2, 2015 22:48