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Bertrand Hustle posted:Better luck next time, slughead! I tried searching for cum but couldn't find it. Oh well.
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Feb 16, 2015 22:19
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canyoneer posted:Maybe he had to write a GUI before he hacked the planet
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Feb 16, 2015 22:22
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quote:(6:47pm) 1/16/2015: She's home, It really sucks speaking to her normally, but I'm dealing with it. No sex. Also, I've found 3 excellent divorce lawyers for myself. Luckily I make much more than her so I can afford an excellent lawyer while she can only afford a mediocre one at best.  quote:Hired a divorce lawyer (pricey) but he's known to do excellent work.  That's not how parenthesis work.quote:(12:02pm) 1/17/2015: The PI will be sending me live updates and I can view one of his cameras on my computer, sort of like a live stream My state-of-the-art PI is tailing this girl from hundreds of yards away and live streaming it to me.  Definitely STDH. quote:(2:12pm) 1/17/2015: Holy sh*t these U-turns. It's like they're trying to shake someone off their tail. They're on their way back to the hotel it seems. There is no way in hell they know about the PI, he's extremely far away. This isn't like the movies where the PI is a few cars down, the PI is at least a hundred feet away. Puzzling. Okay this isn't just STDH this is straight up somebody's wordpress fiction. How did anybody on reddit ever fall for this poo poo? Zaphod42 has a new favorite as of 23:03 on Feb 16, 2015 |
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Feb 16, 2015 22:47
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I seem to remember a paragraph somewhere in that heap of STDH where he out of nowhere writes that he's set all the alarms, has a go bag ready, and has his pistol at hand. There's nothing to set that up other than his wife called and he was worried she might come home early.
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Feb 16, 2015 23:23
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Yeah, its ridiculous. He even outs himself as STDH:quote:(2:27pm) 1/17/2015: I'm really sorry for the abrupt update above. She dropped Carly off at the hotel, rushed back to the residential area and entered the house she showed Carly and kissed Zack. She didn't try to cover her tracks, no zig zags, nothing. I expected a build up of some sorts, not a quick confirmation like this . . . Its half made up STDH internet-story bullshit, and half insane  jealous husband overreacts.
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Feb 16, 2015 23:47
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A bunch of friends and I were carpooling back from a road trip on the long vacation weekend. We had stopped for snacks and I was needing some potassium because I was getting cramps in the car, so I bought a bunch of bananas. We were all texting back and forth between the cars and joking around, and I started throwing the banana peels out of the sunroof as a Mariokart joke. The guy in the rear car was 'swerving' to avoid them and pantomiming being all pissed off about it. We all were all laughing and getting a kick out of it. For the last escalation of the joke, I threw two peels at once and he must have swerved a little too hard, because he went off the road and onto the soft shoulder and wiped his car out. Thankfully nobody was hurt but the alignment on his car is off now and everybody was pretty shook up. TIFU!
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Feb 17, 2015 01:21
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STH: one time I put a banana peel on the floor and pretended to "slip" on it because I thought for sure there's no way they could be as slippery as they looked in the Bugs Bunny cartoons. Turns out those fuckers are even slipperier than they look. Ouch.
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Feb 17, 2015 05:28
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Not from any specific story. but it pisses me off the way that all the protagonists in STDH are "calm, polite, rational" etc. I know it is done to make the antagonists seem like screaming irrational maniacs, but to me, (along with the horrible stilted dialogue), make them seem like emotionless robots. "Beep boop, you are in the wrong and I am doing everything right and properly" "RARGH GRABLEFGH!!" "Boop beep, I remain cold and emotionless and try to appeal to your intellect."
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Feb 17, 2015 05:40
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BrigadierSensible posted:Not from any specific story. but it pisses me off the way that all the protagonists in STDH are "calm, polite, rational" etc. I think Shmorky summarized this sort of thing best: 
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Feb 17, 2015 08:52
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Baba Yaga Fanboy posted:I think Shmorky summarized this sort of thing best: Are shmorkys comics all this cool or are the rest suoer annoying? Because every goon I know personally hates them for some reason. E: schmo Rays, what the hell even Yolo Swaggins Esq has a new favorite as of 10:43 on Feb 17, 2015 |
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Feb 17, 2015 09:50
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Decrepus posted:I tried searching for cum but couldn't find it. Oh well. The dumb sex stuff is in the first big part that's a screenshot of the post, so you can't search it unfortunately.
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Feb 17, 2015 09:58
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Yolo Swaggins Esq posted:Are shmorkys comics all this cool or are the rest suoer annoying? Because every goon I know personally hates them for some reason. Form your own opinion!
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Feb 17, 2015 10:55
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Musical STDH.quote:CONCERT HALL | RI, USA | BAD BEHAVIOR, CRAZY REQUESTS, FAMILY & KIDS
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Feb 17, 2015 11:12
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Remove the long speech and applause, tone down bitchiness, and you've got a story that happened. Woman: 'Hey, kids, I think you've taken our seats.' Noble hero: 'No, we didn't.' Woman: 'Okay, let's call the usher' Usher: *to woman* 'Sorry, ma'am, we accidentally directed you to a wrong sector. Please, follow me to your proper seats.' Woman: 'Thank you. Sorry, kids.' Noble hero: *mumbles* 'We're not kids, I'm a loving student.'
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Feb 17, 2015 11:31
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I don't know what the gently caress is going on in most of those strips but somehow I feel angry and stupider. Much, much stupider. I will never doubt a goon again.
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Feb 17, 2015 11:48
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Yolo Swaggins Esq posted:I don't know what the gently caress is going on in most of those strips but somehow I feel angry and stupider. Much, much stupider. I will never doubt a goon again. Sorry you're too grimdark for some silly cuteness.
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Feb 17, 2015 12:19
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How does anyone believe people actually say poo poo like "ma'am, I am a student at a local college"? It reads like the author's only knowledge of human interaction comes from an alien who heard about it from someone who read a book on the subject.
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Feb 17, 2015 12:34
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Khazar-khum posted:Musical STDH. Beep boop I will cooperate. Re: slippery banana peels https://www.sciencenews.org/blog/scicurious/banana-peel-slipperiness-wins-ignobel-prize-physics 
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Feb 17, 2015 13:31
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Khazar-khum posted:Musical STDH. Son of a bitch it's like the perfect formula of STDH. Super boring, "excuse me ma'am", calm and collected, and best of all applause. I'm starting to not believe how bad these stories are at not being believable. It's not funny or interesting, really no redeeming qualities. I was thinking if I were in that situation I'd say something like, "but ma'am, I can't give you these seats, for I am you and you've run into you. Ho fetch me a canned soda or I'll put you in the worst headlock of your life. Oh btw I'm a boy and I'm your son and enjoy the show!!!!"
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Feb 17, 2015 14:25
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Let's get back to everyone's fav topic : fat people. https://danceswithfat.wordpress.com/2009/03/05/a-tale-of-two-cholesterol-tests/ quote:Dances With Fat
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Feb 17, 2015 18:34
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"I love this place, they tell me exactly what I want to hear!" Anyway, I also doubt those results but I'm sure the part where they were a huge rear end in a top hat to their doctor about it probably did happen.
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Feb 17, 2015 18:53
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Lblitzer posted:"but ma'am, I can't give you these seats, for I am you and you've run into you. Ho fetch me a canned soda or I'll put you in the worst headlock of your life because I have trained in tae kwon do for 20 years under Bruce Lee's ghost. Oh btw I'm a boy and I'm your son and enjoy the show!!!!" Fathis Munk posted:I’m a morbidly obese (DEATH FAT!!!!) very fit professional athlete with a blood panel that is Exceptional! I'd like to quote that "fat but physically fit loaded question" meme over and over to this person's facebook for the rest of time. KiddieGrinder has a new favorite as of 19:03 on Feb 17, 2015 |
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Feb 17, 2015 18:57
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Doesn't it take a couple of days to get back results from a complete cholesterol test? Or do the "morbidly obese very fit" get special priority at the lab?
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Feb 17, 2015 18:57
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Yolo Swaggins Esq posted:I don't know what the gently caress is going on in most of those strips but somehow I feel angry and stupider. Much, much stupider. I will never doubt a goon again. Oh hey, it wraps around to being thread-appropriate quote:(warning: this is serious poo poo) Months back my fiance was pulled over for speeding. This would not have been so bad if the officers weren’t so dead set on harassing her. I was in the car with her, witnessing the whole thing. They treated her with hostility and tried their hardest to find drugs on her. They said she had “dilated eyes.” She demanded they test her for drugs and they didn’t even bother (because that would have proved them wrong I guess.) I was getting scared because I had little reason to trust these small town cops. These people probably never see any action… they’re just bored and hoping to bust someone, anyone. She did have some prescription drugs for anxiety, which was clearly written right on the label… so what they did next was purely out of malice. Tunicate has a new favorite as of 19:16 on Feb 17, 2015 |
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Feb 17, 2015 18:58
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Literally shaking! Don't you have to specifically tell police that you want to press charges for assault? Because I've seen people tell cops they don't want to press charges, and the police let them go. Also I don't think police can arbitrarily set bail limits themselves for the lulz of it, there's either a set designated amount for each crime, or a judge sets it personally. I don't think they can say "well smart rear end jew bitch, your bail is gonna be set at twenty MILLION dollars, HAHAHA!"   I can believe cops harassing people though, unfortunately. 
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Feb 17, 2015 19:08
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Everyone in that story sounds totally insane. Her hair was falling out? Was she also growing horns and a third eye between her shoulderblades? What the hell.
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Feb 17, 2015 19:10
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KiddieGrinder posted:Literally shaking! No. The police can decide they don't want to bother arresting someone if the victim doesn't want charges to be brought, but that is completely up to the officer. And neither the officer nor victim get to decide on filing charges anyway: that's the DA's job.
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Feb 17, 2015 19:14
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KiddieGrinder posted:Literally shaking! This is why cop cams are such a good idea. Sometimes the cops really do harass people, which is hosed up. Cams keep them honest. On the other hand though, SO SO SO many people I've heard complain about how the cops "harassed them" were just ignoring what the cops said. People are lazy, ignorant, and arrogant. Cop tells them to do something, they start arguing. Don't even bother! The cop isn't the judge, the cop isn't the DA and the cop isn't your lawyer. You do whatever the cop says and then you loving go home. Sit down, shut up. Yeah you didn't have a gun or a knife on you but the cop didn't know that yet, you can't just go around acting however you loving want. Kids these days 
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Feb 17, 2015 19:27
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Feb 17, 2015 19:32
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I have a very real fear that I'll end up giving somebody the finger on the road and then it'll end up being a coworker. 
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Feb 17, 2015 19:35
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I'm quite sure this DH, but it's stuff like this that makes me just seep politeness whenever I'm driving around my workplace. ibntumart posted:Doesn't it take a couple of days to get back results from a complete cholesterol test? Or do the "morbidly obese very fit" get special priority at the lab? Every time I get my cholesterol measured, yeah, it takes a few days. Never mind that no doctor is going to waste his/her time doing grunt work like taking stats and writing them down, that's what the RN or NP does. Most places, you get attention from a nurse, and if you're lucky you might get five minutes with the doctor. ibntumart posted:No. The police can decide they don't want to bother arresting someone if the victim doesn't want charges to be brought, but that is completely up to the officer. And neither the officer nor victim get to decide on filing charges anyway: that's the DA's job. Pretty much this. When you hear someone say "I am/am not pressing charges," what they mean (without realizing it) is "I will/will not cooperate with the investigation." If a cop sees a crime in progress, s/he can request the DA to bring charges based on his/her own witness account even if the victim refuses to cooperate. It's just that victim assistance is usually the most helpful evidence for a DA that the cooperation or lack thereof usually influences the DA to bring or drop charges. If the crime is serious enough or falls under a certain category, some DAs will bring charges regardless of victim cooperation.
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Feb 17, 2015 20:42
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nm, the thread has moved on
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Feb 17, 2015 20:58
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Feb 17, 2015 21:01
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In response to the victim having to press charges I'm not a lawyer but I'm sure it's false. When I was in the army a guy in my squad got the police called for hitting his wife in a parking lot outside of a bar and they arrested him. When she went and wanted to get him out she said she wasn't going to press charges they told her that it didn't matter because the charges for the assault will actually come from the city. Not sure exactly how it all works or under what circumstances but that's just what I saw.
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Feb 17, 2015 21:16
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RenegadeStyle1 posted:In response to the victim having to press charges I'm not a lawyer but I'm sure it's false. When I was in the army a guy in my squad got arrested for hitting his wife in a parking lot outside of a bar and they arrested him. When she went and wanted to get him out she said she wasn't going to press charges they told her that it didn't matter because the charges for the assault will actually come from the city. Not sure exactly how it all works or under what circumstances but that's just what I saw. P sure it's the same where I live for what it's worth. The victim suing is not always necessary since often the state itself does the suing.
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Feb 17, 2015 21:18
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This took me far too long to even begin to understand. God drat what a stupid story.
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Feb 17, 2015 21:22
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The STDH is the cops identifying shrmorky in a silly yarn wig as a "her"
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Feb 17, 2015 21:33
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Fathis Munk posted:P sure it's the same where I live for what it's worth. The victim suing is not always necessary since often the state itself does the suing. Assuming this is the US or another country under common law, then you're mixing up criminal and civil cases. A private citizen cannot press charges: only the state (usually in the form of a district attorney or US attorney) can do that. But anyone can sue anyone else. They might get their case thrown out right away, but they can still file a lawsuit as they like.
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Feb 17, 2015 21:44
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ibntumart posted:Doesn't it take a couple of days to get back results from a complete cholesterol test? Or do the "morbidly obese very fit" get special priority at the lab? We use a system called Cholestech at work for health screenings and get the results back in five minutes. It only does very specific things (total, HDL, LDL, triglycerides, blood glucose and total cholesterol/HDL ratio), but it's quick and accurate. If it's a woman, her blood work isn't exceptional. Her HDLs should be above 50, not 40. 40 is for men. Triglycerides of 119 are kind of meh - decent but not enormously fantastic. If she's at 170 total, then her LDLs (which she didn't list) are going to be slightly above 100, which is borderline high. Diet and exercise would help the numbers improve!
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Feb 17, 2015 21:56
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Bonster posted:If it's a woman, her blood work isn't exceptional. Her HDLs should be above 50, not 40. 40 is for men. Triglycerides of 119 are kind of meh - decent but not enormously fantastic. If she's at 170 total, then her LDLs (which she didn't list) are going to be slightly above 100, which is borderline high. Diet and exercise would help the numbers improve! YOU CAN'T TELL THAT BY LOOKING OR BEING A DOCTOR AND EXAMINING YOU CAN'T EVER TELL THAT AT ALL, IT'S NEVER TRUE
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Feb 17, 2015 21:59
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