google: dad I hate myself and this phone is garbage

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > google: dad I hate myself and this phone is garbage

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Tangra: May 1, 2008; Rrrreligion?

It's the catnip of the purrrrrrrrletariat

Mad about your ?

The Management posted:

It's like stymie thunderdome in here

# ? Feb 17, 2015 07:52

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 13, 2024 23:56

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

Nintendo Kid posted:

cremnob died with steve jobs, naught is left but an angry shade, confused into thinking it can bring down the company he sees as repsonsible

# ? Feb 17, 2015 08:45

Dodoman: Feb 26, 2009; A moment of laxity
A lifetime of regret; Lipstick Apathy

smythe's an ik now :allears:

# ? Feb 17, 2015 11:59

Forums Terrorist: Dec 8, 2011

yep, smythe is indeed an idiot ~~king~~!!!!

# ? Feb 17, 2015 12:01

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

it's probably a good thing that google moved glasses ove rto the nest people, they really know how to make a physical product

quote:

I went all out on our home and upgraded everything to the Nest line of products; 10 smoke detectors and 2 thermostats. I'm one of those early-adopter types striving to create a fully "connected home". The past year has been a massive disappointment; I had high hopes for these products but they are just too unreliable to install in your home. I am uninstalling every piece of Nest gear and sending back to the company.

Shortly after installing the Nest Protect units, we started getting "false positives". We started getting these about once every two weeks, driving my family absolutely up the walls. Time after time, the Protect system would wake up our family in the middle of the night, and we'd have to run around the house to find the right unit, climb up on a ladder and "hush" the system.

After 5-6 of these annoying events, we contacted the Nest company to complain. They have replaced about six of the units, some more than once. The false alarms continued. When a friend was watching the house, she couldn't get the alarm to stop, so she had to yank the units down and put them in the garage just to get some rest. More units were replaced, but it the false positives continued. Nest claims some units are overly sensitive, which leads to false positives. In our experience, over half the units we've had (from a variety of sources; Amazon, directly from Nest, and Home Depot) triggered a false positive.

The terminal event occurred last night. My wife and I were at a close friend's wedding, and our babysitter called to let us know the alarms were going off. This time, she couldn't get the unit to "hush". The alarms went off for over an hour late at night, and the babysitter had to take the kids out of the house and sit in her car for an hour just to get a break--- Nest literally ran my kids out of their own home. We apologized to the wedding party, jumped in the car, and sped home. Nest ruined a night we'll never get back; when an overpriced, defective technology has that kind of control over your life, something is wrong.

Nest products are unsafe due to the high number of false positives. We have had approximately 15 false positives in the last six months from almost every device in our home. I urge everyone to consider Protect as a "neat gadget", but please don't put your family's safety in their hands. Nest's marketing department wants you to believe the "old school" smoke detectors were unsafe because people took the batteries out. I find that comical, since my Nest Protects have spent a good portion of their life outside or in the garage in an attempt to silence the alarms and get some sleep.

On a related note, their thermostats are great, until they lock up randomly and turn your heat or A/C off. This happens from time to time--- perhaps once every six months. Not a big deal? It was 21 degrees outside last night and our main Nest unit "froze" about 10pm. Terribly unsafe. Nest claims this happens "during upgrades" that the push out on their own schedule. I guess their strategy is to hope that nobody relies on the thermostat to work consistently? What would have happened if I didn't notice the thermostat was off? Burst, frozen pipes, most likely.

The whole Nest concept is great; replace antiquated smoke detectors and thermostats with "smart" new technology. However, they failed to realize that a consumer's thermostat and smoke detectors MUST WORK RELIABLY, 100% of the time. Nest's products are 99% reliable, but that 1% failure rate is unacceptable for products that are relied upon to protect your home, family, and property. Buyer beware--- these products are not ready for prime time, and frankly put your family in more danger than traditional, "old fashioned" technology.

# ? Feb 17, 2015 20:22

Boxturret: Oct 3, 2013; Don't ask me about Sonic the Hedgehog diaper fetish

duTrieux. posted:

climb up on a ladder and "hush" the system.

wait i thought the whole point of it was that you didn't need to do this

what exactly does it do?

# ? Feb 17, 2015 20:26

Smythe: Oct 12, 2003

duTrieux. posted:

it's probably a good thing that google moved glasses ove rto the nest people, they really know how to make a physical product

lol

# ? Feb 17, 2015 20:28

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Boxturret posted:

wait i thought the whole point of it was that you didn't need to do this

what exactly does it do?

there was a way to hush the device by waving your arms raound but they removed that because it wasn't working right

turns out that people tend to wave their limbs arond when there's a fire or emergency

# ? Feb 17, 2015 20:29

MrMoo: Sep 14, 2000

quote:

we'd have to run around the house to find the right unit

Nest actually tells you which unit is on alarm, which is kind of the point.

# ? Feb 17, 2015 20:37

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

MrMoo posted:

Nest actually tells you which unit is on alarm, which is kind of the point.

Nest is supposed to tell you which unit is on alarm, which is kind of the point.

# ? Feb 17, 2015 20:40

PleasureKevin: Jan 2, 2011

it can connect to your phone and you're supposed to be able to turn it off through that too.

it's hosed up that "we'll help you manage all the false alarms this will generate" is really the selling feature and somehow they have hosed that up.

# ? Feb 17, 2015 20:48

Shifty Pony: Dec 28, 2004; Up ta somethin'

what actual problem do smart whatevers theoretically solve? the reasons I've heard seem too absurd even for a TV infomercial "there has to be a better way!" segment.

# ? Feb 17, 2015 20:50

Tangra: May 1, 2008; Rrrreligion?

It's the catnip of the purrrrrrrrletariat

Mad about your ?

Shifty Pony posted:

what actual problem do smart whatevers theoretically solve? the reasons I've heard seem too absurd even for a TV infomercial "there has to be a better way!" segment.

the problem of the marketing guy needing another pile of cocaine, and google waving their lil floppy dicks around going "wooooo innovation wooo"

# ? Feb 17, 2015 20:52

The Leck: Feb 27, 2001

duTrieux. posted:

The whole Nest concept is great; replace antiquated smoke detectors and thermostats with "smart" new technology.

so after all this, the guy is still completely bought in to the idea of nest. i just don't get it.

# ? Feb 17, 2015 20:54

PleasureKevin: Jan 2, 2011

MrMoo posted:

Nest actually tells you which unit is on alarm, which is kind of the point.

yeah i saw in the video the guy had a loving nest every 5 feet. like just put 1 in the hallway and when it goes off, go to your son's room and bam, there's the fire he started lighting his sisters barbie on fire or puffing reefer.

if i'm going to put a (pretty sweet looking) device in every room it better as hell also work as an intercom system, speaker system and alarm clock too. also baby monitor.

# ? Feb 17, 2015 21:00

Boxturret: Oct 3, 2013; Don't ask me about Sonic the Hedgehog diaper fetish

quote:

Thinks. Before it speaks.
Nest Protect knows when there�s a little smoke or a lot of smoke. It knows when there are rising levels of CO or emergency levels of CO.

As soon as Nest Protect senses there�s a problem, you�ll get a friendly Heads‑Up. If things get worse, Nest Protect will flash red, sound an alarm and tell you what you need to know � using words instead of beeps.

wow so polite

# ? Feb 17, 2015 21:00

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Tangra posted:

google waving their lil floppy dicks around going "wooooo innovation wooo"

lol

# ? Feb 17, 2015 21:01

Shifty Pony: Dec 28, 2004; Up ta somethin'

just a nice reminder that this excellent article exists.

quote:

The idea of progress�the notion that human history is the history of human betterment�dominated the world view of the West between the Enlightenment and the First World War. It had critics from the start, and, in the last century, even people who cherish the idea of progress, and point to improvements like the eradication of contagious diseases and the education of girls, have been hard-pressed to hold on to it while reckoning with two World Wars, the Holocaust and Hiroshima, genocide and global warming. Replacing �progress� with �innovation� skirts the question of whether a novelty is an improvement: the world may not be getting better and better but our devices are getting newer and newer.

The word �innovate��to make new�used to have chiefly negative connotations: it signified excessive novelty, without purpose or end. Edmund Burke called the French Revolution a �revolt of innovation�; Federalists declared themselves to be �enemies to innovation.� George Washington, on his deathbed, was said to have uttered these words: �Beware of innovation in politics.� Noah Webster warned in his dictionary, in 1828, �It is often dangerous to innovate on the customs of a nation.�

The redemption of innovation began in 1939, when the economist Joseph Schumpeter, in his landmark study of business cycles, used the word to mean bringing new products to market, a usage that spread slowly, and only in the specialized literatures of economics and business. (In 1942, Schumpeter theorized about �creative destruction�; Christensen, retrofitting, believes that Schumpeter was really describing disruptive innovation.) �Innovation� began to seep beyond specialized literatures in the nineteen-nineties, and gained ubiquity only after 9/11. One measure: between 2011 and 2014, Time, the Times Magazine, The New Yorker, Forbes, and even Better Homes and Gardens published special �innovation� issues�the modern equivalents of what, a century ago, were known as �sketches of men of progress.�

The idea of innovation is the idea of progress stripped of the aspirations of the Enlightenment, scrubbed clean of the horrors of the twentieth century, and relieved of its critics. Disruptive innovation goes further, holding out the hope of salvation against the very damnation it describes: disrupt, and you will be saved.

# ? Feb 17, 2015 21:12

PleasureKevin: Jan 2, 2011

google shut down another thing

http://www.macrumors.com/2015/02/17/google-pulls-sparrow/

please do the needful

http://didgoogleshutdown.com/submit

# ? Feb 17, 2015 21:42

vodkat: Jun 30, 2012; cannot legally be sold as vodka

I just had a 2 minute non-skipable youtube add arguing for the existence of god through an iPhone chatting lovely atheist logic with arabic subtitles, seriously wtf google

# ? Feb 17, 2015 22:14

vodkat: Jun 30, 2012; cannot legally be sold as vodka

found the fucker https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bd4-OSa9FH8

# ? Feb 17, 2015 22:15

crusader_complex: Jun 4, 2012

The Leck posted:

so after all this, the guy is still completely bought in to the idea of nest. i just don't get it.

it is wierd, the due dilligence of sparing no expense on your family's safety, while also not having heard at least somewhere that the product is a piece of poo poo.

gj marketing dept, i guess

# ? Feb 17, 2015 22:19

PleasureKevin: Jan 2, 2011

vodkat posted:

found the fucker https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bd4-OSa9FH8

this is some harun yahya poo poo

# ? Feb 17, 2015 22:45

PleasureKevin: Jan 2, 2011

also love that they credit the ideas guy at the end.

# ? Feb 17, 2015 23:05

Forums Terrorist: Dec 8, 2011

vodkat posted:

found the fucker https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bd4-OSa9FH8

it's right, the iphone 6's existence is proof there's no god

# ? Feb 17, 2015 23:32

Necc0: Jun 30, 2005; by exmarx; Broken Cake

i think they're saying god is dead

# ? Feb 17, 2015 23:44

Farmer Crack-Ass: Jan 2, 2001; this is me posting irl

duTrieux. posted:

it's probably a good thing that google moved glasses ove rto the nest people, they really know how to make a physical product

i'd be curious to talk to the guy in charge of programming the drat things. like, would he say something like "*sigh* yeah the hardware is dogshit but management wouldn't spring another $10/unit for better quality control and it's been a nightmare trying to code around dodgy electronics" or would he be all "idk what these fucks are saying, worksforme won'tfix!!"

# ? Feb 18, 2015 00:04

Just-In-Timeberlake: Aug 18, 2003

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

i'd be curious to talk to the guy in charge of programming the drat things. like, would he say something like "*sigh* yeah the hardware is dogshit but management wouldn't spring another $10/unit for better quality control and it's been a nightmare trying to code around dodgy electronics" or would he be all "idk what these fucks are saying, worksforme won'tfix!!"

what does your heart tell you?

# ? Feb 18, 2015 00:06

Farmer Crack-Ass: Jan 2, 2001; this is me posting irl

Just-In-Timeberlake posted:

what does your heart tell you?

"jesus christ, get off the couch, fatass!!"

# ? Feb 18, 2015 00:07

duTrieux.: Oct 9, 2003

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

i'd be curious to talk to the guy in charge of programming the drat things. like, would he say something like "*sigh* yeah the hardware is dogshit but management wouldn't spring another $10/unit for better quality control and it's been a nightmare trying to code around dodgy electronics" or would he be all "idk what these fucks are saying, worksforme won'tfix!!"

look, just install cyanolarm KamiKaze SE from a fan site and you're good to go!

# ? Feb 18, 2015 00:14

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

Shifty Pony posted:

what actual problem do smart whatevers theoretically solve? the reasons I've heard seem too absurd even for a TV infomercial "there has to be a better way!" segment.

here is a quote from a reliable source about why nest was founded (paraphrased):

Tony Fadell has a cabin in Tahoe. tony wanted the cabin to be warm when he drove up to it instead of having to turn on the heat and wait for it to warm up. tony founded a company that lets you control a thermostat with your phone.

basically rich people problems

# ? Feb 18, 2015 00:23

qirex: Feb 15, 2001

the nest is probably the best value proposition for a "connected home" setup, maybe followed by some of those smart locks and security systems, e.g. there's something you might want to know about while you're not at home

individual light bulbs and internet blinds though? your shirt look like a smart curtain

# ? Feb 18, 2015 00:27

qirex: Feb 15, 2001

I still think android fridges are the worst internt of things things to date

I wouldn't mind a washer/dryer that pinged me when it was done though

# ? Feb 18, 2015 00:28

Notorious b.s.d.: Jan 25, 2003; by Reene

the ole' thermocouple thermostat is about the only thing in my house that works reliably, and it is already plenty "smart:" when temperature is a few degrees below the set point, turn the heat on

there is no time of day or night that i think "gee wouldn't it be nice if my house was 55F and took an hour to get warmer"

# ? Feb 18, 2015 00:58

Wild EEPROM: Jul 29, 2011; oh, my, god. Becky, look at her bitrate.

No the dumbest is the IoT crockpot

# ? Feb 18, 2015 01:01

PleasureKevin: Jan 2, 2011

actually all those smart home things seem good to me.

even the thermostat, since my GF can just not stop loving with the thermostat. I'd just program it to undo whatever she does when she looks away.

but so far it seems like a lot of wasted potential if it's just " a INSERT-APPLIANCES-HERE with an iPhone app "

# ? Feb 18, 2015 01:07

Juul-Whip: Mar 10, 2008

I had been considering nest thermostats for a while because my apartment is very inefficient and leaks heat like crazy and if I forget to turn it off in the morning it wastes tons of energy. but hearing that they crash and freeze has put me off the idea

# ? Feb 18, 2015 01:10