Butt Detective posted:

While you're at it, make sure all women's trousers get decent pockets too. I don't know why these people seem to think we don't need pockets.

Maggie Fletcher posted:

I'm pretty sure if I ran for president on the platform of standardizing women's sizes, wherein you'd always be the same size no matter what store you shopped at, I'd be voted in by a landslide, regardless of where I stand on other issues.

Butt Detective posted:

While you're at it, make sure all women's trousers get decent pockets too. I don't know why these people seem to think we don't need pockets.

quote:

Alright so Josh hates this story because he says he will be eternally disappointed in me because he thinks I should have killed the guy.

Alright so it was like a Tuesday night I was home with this guy Brad was high as balls in his room, Kyle was studying, Paul was out on a date and Eric and Josh were out running errands. Brad has his lights off because he’s got this moving LED night light thing and he’s laying on the floor just watching it shift around. Kyle has his shades drawn so you can’t tell his room has lights on, and I have my lights off because of reasons. So from outside, it looks like nobody’s home.

So this guy had come to a couple of our house parties. I found him once trying to get into Josh’s room but I like to try to see the best in people so I just kind of assumed he was lost and brushed it off. In retrospect, for his safety I probably should have started something about it because then he wouldn’t have tried breaking in, but whatever he made the decisions he dealt with the consequences.

The consequences here being an arrow in the rear end.

So anyways he thought there wasn’t anyone home so he figured that would be the perfect time to break in. So I’m in my room with this guy and I hear a window break down the hall, and basically immediately Kyle sends me a text saying he hears someone in the hall. I text him back asking him what he has, and he tells me he has a bat and a switchblade, which makes me disappointed in him for not having better weapons, and then question myself because I expect my roommates to be heavily armed.

So I go into my closet and I grab my quiver and my bow and I text him that I’ll meet him at his door.

So important information: I’m really good with a bow because I used to bow hunt constantly. Every year, I would go to Pennsylvania to visit my cousins, and every year while I was there, I would go out in the woods with my cousin and his neighbors and we would hunt. We would spend a week out in the woods, and everyone would hunt for their own food. I started going with them before they thought I was old enough to safely use a gun, so instead they always made me use a bow, and you get really good at bow hunting when missing means going hungry for the night.

The bow I owned then was a present from these guys, a custom made carbon fiber recurve with a steel core piece and a +gauge bowstring. The carbon fiber kept it light, which allowed for a small steel core to increase flex resistance. The +gauge string, which increased flex resistance even more, which meant that if I got to a full draw on my bow I was firing arrows at insane speeds.

So back to the apartment, I’m creeping down the hall and Kyle is waiting in the door of his room and he indicates that whoever is in our house is in the spare room where we keep our band poo poo. So we creep down the hall and I take a stance and I draw back fully and Kyle grabs the handle and throws the door open.

So I see this guy and I don’t recognize him so my brain’s like “yup, you should shoot him” so I stop my breathing to make sure I hit him and in that half second I realize two very important things.

I’m fully drawn back
I’m aimed at the back of his head
So if I let go I’m going to loving kill this guy and I’m pretty sure that it’s not worth it so I try to loosen my draw which is really loving hard and I’m bringing the bow down so I don’t kill him and I think I was trying to shoot him in the leg but here’s the thing: the combination of trying to loosen my draw, aiming somewhere else, and the realization that I was a twitch away from murdering a dude made me uncomfortable and when I’m uncomfortable I make weird noises.

So this guy is rummaging through a box of cables when he hears what sounds like someone making GBS threads themselves behind him, so he starts to turn. But him turning triggers me to release the arrow and I realize a tiny bit too late where I was pointing.

The next part literally felt like slow motion to me I watch the arrow launch off of my bow and I watch it sail gracefully through the air and I watch this guy blissfully unaware of what’s about to happen to him and I see just shock and surprise on his face as my arrow hits him directly in the center of the rear end.

So obviously there’s now screaming and bleeding and bad times and the guy I was with comes out of my room and he’s like “what’s going on” and I’m like “I just shot a dude in the rear end” and he’s like “hey you were going to shoot me in the rear end” and I’m like “no I literally shot a dude in the rear end call an ambulance” so he calls an ambulance and they show up and take him to the hospital and my arrow went through his anus and punctured his intestines and tore his scrotum open dude got hosed up. So for the rest of the year the other guys thought it was hilarious like I literally shot him in the butthole yeah they never let that one go.

I just realized I never got my arrow back.

Butt Detective posted:

As for content, here's a new story from the same person who gave us the nerf gun STDH:

quote:

my arrow went through his anus and punctured his intestines and tore his scrotum open dude got hosed up

Leon Einstein posted:

I always take pictures of my car as I walk towards it too.

Some Zero posted:

Some Zero posted:

CombatBonta-kun posted:

On a similar note, I remember a story an old coworker of mine told me that smelled like STDH.

As the story was told, he was driving through a flat, rural area with almost no traffic, so most people were doing about 65-90+ on a 55mph road. Apparently though, the "This Area is Patrolled by Aircraft" signs were legit because a few weeks later he received a ticket in the mail for doing 75mph. The ticket was large enough that he decided to fight it as he was never pulled over and thought he could prove it wasn't him.

The day he goes to court it looked like about 40 people had the same thought that he had since they were all there to challenge their tickets. Court begins and the judge decides to flip a coin to see if he will be going A through Z or Z through A. It lands on tails so he will being hearing people Z though A. My coworker is pissed since his last name started with C and he thought he would be out quickly, but now is afternoon is shot.

The first person steps up to plead their case. The judge doesn't care and they have to pay the whole fine. Next person up, same thing. About 5 people in, some guy is called up. He just smiles and asks if the ticketing officer is present. The judge says no. The guy's smile gets even bigger as he states that if the ticketing officer is not present, he cannot prove that the ticket was issued to the correct person and therefore, the ticket has to be dropped. The judge sighs and drops the ticket right there. Everyone in the courtroom that was waiting to challenge their ticket begin to talk amongst themselves. The next person is called up and asks the same question and their ticket is dropped, the next person does the same and so on and so on. Within 15 minutes, the remaining tickets are dropped. After everyone has left the courtroom, the who first guy who got his ticket dropped starts passing his business card to everyone that was still in the courthouse. Of course, he was a lawyer that specialized in driving related issues.

Now I can't say if this happened or not, but it just didn't pass the smell test (if it smells like poo poo, it is probably poo poo).

Butt Detective posted:

While you're at it, make sure all women's trousers get decent pockets too. I don't know why these people seem to think we don't need pockets.

Butt Detective posted:

"Real-life" Oliver Queen

Some Zero posted:

MizPiz posted:

Assuming it's real, the best case scenerio is she's a gold digger who's either desperate or has low standards (maybe both).

Butt Detective posted:

I have never owned a purse in my life and don't care if my hips look lumpy. I just want a place to keep my phone and keys and occasionally my 3DS when I'm out and about.

As for content, here's a new story from the same person who gave us the nerf gun STDH:


Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't something like that have ended up involving the police?

A Fancy 400 lbs posted:

To be fair, men's clothes are all measured in inches, but good luck finding two companies that actually measure an inch the same. I have like a 4 inch range I need to try on to find the right fit for jeans.

silencekit posted:

Is it just me or is that a weird way to hold a piece of paper?

EmmyOk posted:

I don't think it's that women's trouser have no pockets because they're for women. I wear skinny jeans and they have awful pockets because they're skinny jeans, sometimes I have to squeeze my phone out of them like toothpaste.

EmmyOk posted:

I don't think it's that women's trouser have no pockets because they're for women. I wear skinny jeans and they have awful pockets because they're skinny jeans, sometimes I have to squeeze my phone out of them like toothpaste.

sweeperbravo posted:

No trousers for women have proper pockets. It is by no means limited to anythign labeled "skinny" or "form-fitting." Apparently those adjectives are just assumed


edit: Because this is PYF, let me preface and ask please don't start posting amazon links to women's pants that happen to have pockets that are suitable for actual use. Everyone knows those do exist, but the pocketless thing's a well known phenomenon and we don't need to trot out the exceptions to the rule in some sort of contrarian need to find the one apple that is green instead of red

Pththya-lyi posted:

Don't aim for the leg dummy, there's a lot of important blood vessels in there! Actually the safest place to get shot is in the butt-cheek because there's nothing really important in there. Now you know what to say when a bad guy is threatening you with a gun and asking you "Where do you want it?" Why, that happened to me just last Tuesday!

E: of course I took him out with my Krav Maga skills; he never had a chance to shoot me. Everybody clapped and I married the arresting officer.

EmmyOk posted:

Eh don't be dumb if I can find one pair of trousers I'll disprove you entirely! Furthermore...

E: The designer who came up with fake pockets should be shot

silencekit posted:

Is it just me or is that a weird way to hold a piece of paper?

EmmyOk posted:

I wish dungarees looked cool, they were great for storage with the big front pocket when I was a kid. Granted I only kept worms and shiny bits of metal in there.