Huntersoninski posted:

Yeah the only time you want to touch a stranger's kid is if you're stopping them from wandering into traffic or something.

Huntersoninski posted:

Yeah the only time you want to touch a stranger's kid is if you're stopping them from wandering into traffic or something.

Non Serviam posted:

Guys, it didn't happen. It's just some idiotic dude who wanted to give himself some mad props on helping a child and being MKSTAKEN for a child molester. Stop reading the story like he wants to gently caress little boys.

Some random pedo posted:

Today at McDonalds a beautiful little girl I was admiring fell down scraping her knee, so I rushed in to make sure she didn't damage her hymen. Before I could pull off her little underoos the mother came rushing in screaming at me, what the gently caress??? It sure sucks being male!

sweeperbravo posted:

We know. We're pedantically listing all the reasons why it would be a stupid thing to lie about anyway. Why do we do this? Because This is PYF, and this is the stdh thread.

Also it was clearly a young girl in the story

Pidmon posted:

I didn't know that printer ink cost 100 dollars for a piece of paper, but according to Tumblr it does:

Stan Taylor posted:

Those "men are oppressed!" STDHs are the best. Wasn't there one about a guy putting hot sauce in his used condom before he threw it away? Classic.

Big Grunty Secret posted:

Yeah, never touch a stranger's kid.

Let the stranger's kid touch YOU

Zaphod42 posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6bcs8ln_9Q probably the best depiction of MRAs I've seen

"Men have had a very rough go of it for... just recently"

Stan Taylor posted:

Those "men are oppressed!" STDHs are the best. Wasn't there one about a guy putting hot sauce in his used condom before he threw it away? Classic.

quote:

My gf and I are both 21 and have been dating for 5 months. Early in the relationship she talked a lot about having children, and I said I was NOT comfortable with that under ANY circumstances. We are both in college and it would be a terrible idea for obvious reasons.

She said ok and started going on the pill, only I discovered she stopped taking it two months ago. I made sure to ALWAYS wear a condom, and to keep them away from places where she could tamper with them.

Cut to today. We had sex and I got up to go the bathroom and throw the condom out and then went back to bed. She got dressed and also went to the bathroom. I could see when she stepped out that she had something in her hand. I asked her what it was and she started yelling how she had the used condom and she was "finally going to get the baby I deserve" and then started running for door.

I freaked out and ran after her and caught her at the door. My mind was racing, and she was about to get out. I panicked and hit her in the stomach and then took the condom forcibly from her hands. I'm not proud of what I did, but I was FREAKED out in the moment and she was about to escape and I just did what I thought I needed to do.

She caught her breath and left and now she's been calling (I haven't answered) and texting me saying she's going to call the police and have me arrested unless I have sex with her without a condom.

Reddit, I'm REALLY scared right now. I can't be a father, I just can't. I also have no money for a lawyer if I get arrested. What am I going to do? Can anyone PLEASE give me advice? This is a throw away because she knows my other account and she's going totally psycho right now.

Edit : Thanks everyone for your advice. I would not talk to the police if I'm arrested. I'm afraid to talk to a public defender, especially if its a woman. Anyone have experience with this?

Also, I'm thinking of stringing my GF along so that she won't call the cops on me. I can't have a criminal record, it will destroy my future, but so will being a father. How can I take her back but avoid having unprotected sex?

Edit 2 Here are some of the texts:

1: I can't believe you hit me

2: We need to talk, right now

3: Pick up your phone

4: I'm going to call the police if you don't answer this phone

Voicemail transcript: [Yelling] You loving bastard, how dare you punch me for what I'm entitled to! Call me the minute you get this god drat message or I'll call the loving police and end your future. CALL MEEEE

5: You think you'll ever get a job when they know you're a woman beater? Call me [Note: She sent this one five times]

Voicemail: You're not man enough to answer your phone you loving rear end in a top hat? You either give me what I want or I'm calling the loving police.

6: My stomach has a bug [I think she meant to type big] bruise. I took a picture. The only way out of this is to talk with me.

Voicemail: You hit me, I can send you loving jail rear end in a top hat. The only way out of this is to cooperate with WHAT I WANT. NO CONDOM. CALL ME IF YOU WANT OUT OF THIS.

Stroop There It Is posted:

Everyone knows that a good gut-punching will convince a woman that you are the one to father her child.

hyperhazard posted:

Google led me to some beautiful MRA stories, including this:

hyperhazard posted:

Google led me to some beautiful MRA stories, including this:

quote:

I'm talking specifically about the ridiculous scenario I posted in mensrights last year, which you keep saying you haven't read.

It described a situation so implausible that only men who hate women would actually believe it.

I got MRAs to cheer me on for saying I punched a woman. Then other MRAs told me to LIE about it to the police.

You're missing the bigger picture. The mythical spermjacking, complete with a hormonal she devil RUNNING out of the apartment with a dripping condom, is not a real thing.
Nevertheless, MRAs seize on it as an excuse to justify hurting women. Deep down, they hate women and want to hurt them. They will rationalize any scenario which lets them hurt women.

When you can't distinguish between reality and fantasy, and when violence is perfectly justified in your fantasy, you will start to use violence in reality when it is not acceptable.

quote:

quote:

Why would they have a reason to doubt you?

Because it was April Fools Day. Because women don't actually talk like this: "You loving bastard, how dare you punch me for what I'm entitled to! Call me the minute you get this god drat message or I'll call the loving police and end your future. CALL MEEEE"

quote:

Also, what you posted wasn't a fantasy. Fantasy implies something that can never happen, as in physically impossible. What you posted was a hypothetical situation.

MRAs put hot sauce in used condoms because they think sperm jacking is an epidemic. They can't distinguish between reality and hate filled fantasy. When they cheer on punching a woman for sperm jacking, they're really just cheering on punching women.

quote:

We were talking about a fake post I made on mensrights about a girlfriend who took a used condom from the garbage and made a hormonal-charged run for the door.
He said it was burglary and that lethal force was justified to stop it.

quote:

That's because it's fake. Sperm jacking isn't a real thing.
Men on reddit have this fevered dream that their sperm is the most precious fluid on earth. If a greedy woman gets hands on just ONE drop, they have an automatic 18 year payout.
It's such an easy button to push when you want to troll reddit because the men here instinctively gravitate towards misogynistic narratives. OF COURSE they'll believe a woman will act like this.

ibntumart posted:

quote:

MRAs put hot sauce in used condoms because they think sperm jacking is an epidemic.

Das Boo posted:

Every time I read a bunch of MRA poo poo, I find myself hoping that there's a God and its a woman.

ThatPazuzu posted:

it's impossible to get a date if you're a man under 6'2".

Bertrand Hustle posted:

That's incredible. I'd like to see them try to explain Dennis Kucinich.

Stroop There It Is posted:

The sad thing is that even though their rabid hypocrisy has been pointed out to them, the MRAs are just going to double down on their positions and conclude that the SDTH poster is either a woman trying to discredit them because misandry or a man brainwashed by feminazis.

Leon Einstein posted:

The funniest part to me is how they assume spermjacking women would go after them instead of aiming a little higher. Yes, they want to be tied forever to the basement dwelling guy with no assets, a lovely income, and a repellant personality.

Leon Einstein posted:

The funniest part to me is how they assume spermjacking women would go after them instead of aiming a little higher. Yes, they want to be tied forever to the basement dwelling guy with no assets, a lovely income, and a repellant personality.

Zaphod42 posted:

God having a gender means there's more than one little-g gods and no big-G God, as well as reproduction of gods. Which would be pretty weird but I guess the Greeks loved that poo poo.
God singular having a gender makes no drat sense male or female.

Not that its really here nor there.

davidspackage posted:

The "hot sauce in condom" is funny to me because I can't imagine an MRA actually having sex. The sex depriving and woman hating seem irrevocably interlinked.

davidspackage posted:

The "hot sauce in condom" is funny to me because I can't imagine an MRA actually having sex.

WickedHate posted:

The men afraid of spermjacking are the same kinds of men who run out of elevators when a woman gets in, because they think they'll be accused of sexual assault if they're alone with a woman for any amount of time.

Zaphod42 posted:

God having a gender means there's more than one little-g gods and no big-G God, as well as reproduction of gods. Which would be pretty weird but I guess the Greeks loved that poo poo.

quote:

Bad news bears, guys.

A little background. As my throwaway name implies, I work as a police officer at a major university. Love my job, and started when I was going to this university as a student. I'm 22 and have just barely graduated, and am planning on going back for my masters.

One of the things I like most about this job is, unlike a lot of cop jobs, I get to really get to know the people I serve. And since I'm close to their age, I have made a lot of friends (and maybe a girlfriend or two).

Here's where our story begins. I was almost done my shift the other night when I saw a female I had kind of been dating sitting on the grass of the quad with her roommate. We'll call her Tiffany, and her roommate Lizzie. Tiffany and Lizzie are both hot, short, brunette's were both a little drunk and were hanging out.

I go talk to them to make sure everything is ok, and we all get to talking. They are both TWENTY, but I convince them that they should go home to their dorm so they don't get a ticket. It's my policy that if they aren't sick/a danger to themselves, I'll just let them go home. Especially when their home is right there.

I notice Tiffany writing something down.
They get up and Tiffany gives me a big hug, and slips a note into my pocket. I'm over my shift at this point, so I go back to the station and get dressed out of my uniform.
The note says "Big Bad Officer CampusKop, come party with me and my roommate! It'll be fun..."

Now I want to make something clear... It is against no policy or law that I hang out with these people (or hell, even sleep with them) and it's my friday so of course I decide to go.
I holster my backup, throw my badge in my pocket and head out into the night.

And this was the beginning of the end.
The actual night was fine. Secured my gun and badge, we drank, watched movies, played board games, etc. We then passed the gently caress out, with me sleeping in Tiffany's bed.
I woke up in the middle of the night to go piss. It's a dorm building, so there's a common bathroom. I come back to the room, crawl into bed, and start spooning Tiff. Tiffany is moving her hips into me, and then her head ducks under the covers and starts giving me the best blowjob I've ever had.

I'm starting to get nervous we might wake up Lizzie, so I look over to make sure she's still sleeping.

That's when I see her.
Tiffany.
In the bed across from me.

EYES WIDE OPEN STARING AT ME

My mind immediately starts reeling. In my drunken stupor I had gotten into the wrong bed. I open my mouth to start explaining but all I can muster is a breathy moan. Tiffany gets up and starts moving towards me with a fire in her eyes. I pull out of Lizzie's mouth and pull the covers off the bed. My hands were up and I was hoping Tiff wouldn't shoot me.

Well, Tiffany was into it. When she got to us, almost as if it was planned, she starts making out with Lizzie.

I won't go into details, but all I will say is... BEST. NIGHT. OF. MY. LIFE.
EVER.

But here's the FU. I could tell things were awkward in the morning, so I peaced out of there as quick as I could.

Leaving my gun and badge.

I've tried calling Tiff. I've tried knocking on their door. They won't talk to me.

I'm afraid the best night of my life is going to have truly disastrous consequences on my career. I don't know what I can do to get my gear back and I don't know what to do to track them down.

I'm freaking out and have to be at work in 6 hours.

TL:DR Got drunk and crept into wrong bed. Threesome resulted. Awkwardness ensues. I lose two things no cop is allowed to lose.

EDIT: I'm writing to make sure everyone understands I had been DATING Tiffany. And she's only two years younger than me.
And finally... the gun is LOCKED with a trigger lock and is secured in a locked lock box to which only I have the key.