okcupid.txt

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > okcupid.txt

toggle: Nov 7, 2005

opus111 posted:

I'm sure that plenty of people simply enjoy watching it and aren't in fact the goon brony boogyman youve constructed in your head.

hehe ok

# ? Mar 9, 2015 04:51

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 14, 2024 21:15

Decrepus: May 21, 2008; In the end, his dominion did not touch a single poster.

I watch for the plot and I watch for the clop [spoiler]this is masturbating to the show[spiler].

# ? Mar 9, 2015 05:05

Medicinal Penguin: May 19, 2006

opus111 posted:

I'm sure that plenty of people simply enjoy watching it and aren't in fact the goon brony boogyman youve constructed in your head.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA, no

# ? Mar 9, 2015 05:50

Male Tiers: Dec 27, 2012; Why don't you just lay down your weapons now?

opus111 posted:

I'm sure that plenty of people simply enjoy watching it and aren't in fact the goon brony boogyman youve constructed in your head.

~~Brony~~ Horsefucker spotted.

# ? Mar 9, 2015 05:54

opus111: Jul 6, 2014

Soz brah I've never even seen an episode.

# ? Mar 9, 2015 06:56

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

opus111 posted:

Soz brah I've never even seen an episode.

Then shut up you ignorant slut

# ? Mar 9, 2015 08:35

Fidel Cuckstro: Jul 2, 2007

cool normal dudes who read okcupid.txt

# ? Mar 9, 2015 08:45

Fleta Mcgurn: Oct 5, 2003; Porpoise noise continues.

neonbregna posted:

She misspelled "irrelevant".

# ? Mar 9, 2015 11:42

Kimmalah: Nov 14, 2005; Basically just a baby in a trenchcoat.

bringmyfishback posted:

She misspelled "irrelevant".

"Succinctness is a virtue"

*posts a zillion words to describe herself*

# ? Mar 9, 2015 11:45

Dreqqus: Feb 21, 2013; BAMF!

Hellequin posted:

Too many god-damned words, each more insufferable than the last.

loving Christ, I think I understand trigger warnings now.

# ? Mar 9, 2015 14:09

captainOrbital: Jan 23, 2003; Can't post for 4 hours!

Dreqqus posted:

loving Christ, I think I understand trigger warnings now.

If I had a "trigger" it would be the word "genderqueer;" every time it pops up I've already forgotten what the hell it means, and sometimes I even look it up.

# ? Mar 9, 2015 21:52

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Gonna meet up with this girl at her work in like 2 hours. Hopefully she takes the bait when I hit her with "Let's go get high and stargaze tonight after you're off"

# ? Mar 9, 2015 22:34

George H.W. Cunt: Oct 6, 2010

Meteor showers are one of the best date ideas for easy wetting it up

# ? Mar 9, 2015 22:38

Infidel Castro: Jun 8, 2010; Again and again
Your face reminds me of a bleak future
Despite the absence of hope
I give you this sacrifice

captainOrbital posted:

If I had a "trigger" it would be the word "genderqueer;" every time it pops up I've already forgotten what the hell it means, and sometimes I even look it up.

I just assume it means either "ugly butch girl" or "ladyboy."

# ? Mar 10, 2015 01:55

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Is this a loving recurring theme on OKCupid

Also met the girl I've been talking to for a bit. She's awesome.

# ? Mar 10, 2015 02:46

Sorryformybadjokes: Apr 21, 2004; I identify as a simian who pronounces the 'silent' letters in words.; Fallen Rib

someone hook those two cripples up then they can use their roboto arms to stimulate each others remaining functioning nerves

# ? Mar 10, 2015 02:49

WAR CRIME GIGOLO: Oct 3, 2012; The Hague
tryna get me
for these glutes

Jeff Sichoe posted:

someone hook those two cripples up then they can use their roboto arms to stimulate each others remaining functioning nerves

# ? Mar 10, 2015 03:00

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

froward posted:

I have no children besides ~~my cats~~ furbabies.

# ? Mar 10, 2015 03:03

Whatev: Jan 19, 2007; unfading

LeoMarr posted:

Is this a loving recurring theme on OKCupid

Also met the girl I've been talking to for a bit. She's awesome.

Your fascination with the disabled is creepy, trash man. Not even making dark jokes or anything, just straight up "ahahahaha look a cripple!"

# ? Mar 10, 2015 03:13

toggle: Nov 7, 2005

LeoMarr posted:

Is this a loving recurring theme on OKCupid

Also met the girl I've been talking to for a bit. She's awesome.

lol nice find lmao nice

# ? Mar 10, 2015 03:39

whatis: Jun 6, 2012

do cripples deserve love? a lonely goon weighs in

# ? Mar 10, 2015 03:52

George H.W. Cunt: Oct 6, 2010

stephen hawking somehow found love before he became a disgusting, yet cool sounding, cripple

# ? Mar 10, 2015 03:53

coolskull: Nov 11, 2007

grow some better legs, oval office.

# ? Mar 10, 2015 04:21

Whatev: Jan 19, 2007; unfading

I'll gently caress you so hard your wheelchair will need a wheelchair

# ? Mar 10, 2015 04:23

toggle: Nov 7, 2005

lmao

# ? Mar 10, 2015 04:25

staberind: Feb 20, 2008; but i dont wanna be a spaceship; Fun Shoe

Gosh!

# ? Mar 10, 2015 05:37

damn horror queefs: Oct 14, 2005; say hello
say hello to the man in the elevator

quote:

My self-summary

I'm open to hot make-outs and more with people that have a consent-focused, mutual-pleasure driven approach to sexuality. I feel sexual chemistry most easily with people who have some experience with kink, but are still into trying new things and aren't too settled into s/m roles or gender roles.
I am dedicated to fat-positivity, anti-racist feminisms, and reproductive justice.
If you like kissing, curves, and coffee, then message me up!

What I'm about :
Likes: train and bus rides, letters, strip clubs.
Loves: Florida , my friends, making-out.
Dislikes: gross-out humour, course pre-reqs, rock music.
Hates: police, white-supremacy, stairs.
Worst: straight dudes who message me dumb poo poo without reading my profile and call me "lady".

And also: non-monogamy is my way of life. Don't message me if you are looking to cheat, but if you understand how to respect multiple partners and conduct yourself with honesty, sounds great! I'm also very open to meeting couples. I've had some beautiful experiences with people that were already in love when I met them, and I greatly enjoy that dynamic. I think it can be so wonderful to be invited into that existing intimacy.
Wait, does that make me a unicorn????

What I�m doing with my life
Playing with my small dog.
Talking to people about labia majora all day & night for $.
Crafting a rap album.
Decorating my house with old postcards.
Spray-painting old furniture in my driveway.

The first things people usually notice about me
I look like Hello Kitty in a snowsuit.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
***Movies:
Annie Hall & Manhattan & Vicky Cristina Barcelona etc.
Me And You And Everyone We Know
Where The Wild Things Are
Moonrise Kingdom

I am generally tired of seeing movies about boys, and if you have any favourite movies written and directed by a woman you win big points. (If you don't, I suggest Nicole Holofcener's stuff as a place to start.)
<ed: sensing a bit of dissonance between this and her "favorite" movies >

***Music:
Ani DiFranco. (nostalgia?)
Rap & hip-hop. (let's discuss)
Elvis Costello.

A note on your musical tastes:
I do not respond to people's profiles that say things such as, "I like all kinds of music... pretty much everything but country and rap!".
I find that phrase all too common and weird and boring and usually a little classist or racist. If you have that in your profile, I suggest you examine your reasons why, and that you learn to love rap!

***TV Shows:
I just watched season 1 of Adventure Time and adored it, even though I think I don't like animation.

The six things I could never do without
1. a smooth pen for writing and a notebook.
2. coffee
3. a vibrator
4. watching beautiful people make-out and gently caress (porn or otherwise)
5. fresh ground pepper
6. kanye west

Six things I don't want at all that a lot of people on here list as things they could never do without.
1. A cell phone (I hate them)
2. A cat (I am very, very allergic)
3. An iPod
4. A car
5. Husband or Wife (Marriage is a bad idea, but love is good)
6. Beer (Though I am not straight-edge and will drink other drinks)

I spend a lot of time thinking about
-sexual fantasies with three or more people involved
-how to try to organize my bedroom
-New Orleans
-sex work
-political revolution
-Idle No More
-the medicalization of birth & midwifery
-genderqueer identity as a political choice
-suicide as a feminist act of resistance
-the medicalization of deviance and regulation of subversion
-if I could handle law school, or whether I should get a Master's in law
-what I would write my thesis on if I did a PhD in Critical Disability Studies
-if I would be willing to live in Toronto for a year, to get an MA from York
-what food to cook this week
-what songs i want to record for my upcoming mixtape
-rap lyrics for my debut album
-trips I could take to the States (Boston! New York City! Austin! California!)
-how weird and depressing it is that otherwise radical and cool people get married and see no political issue with it
-edge play
-how i would live if i wasn't in debt

On a typical Friday night I am
if I'm alone: making paper crafts/doing collage while watching TV shows about wedding dresses for background noise, eating brie and pesto, throwing toys for my dog.

with a special friend or two: getting the sheets wet.

The most private thing I�m willing to admit

If you are younger than I am, I am likely not interested in dating you, but that doesn't mean we can't be friends.
For sexual/dating situations I always prefer people older than I am. (or very near my age)

I like smart chats, but if you have "sapiosexual" in your profile, I'm embarrassed for you.

You should message me if
Requirements:
-You have something more to say to me than "hey"
-You have written more than a few words in *your* profile
-You are a feminist/anti-misogynist
-You are fat positive
-You are ok with non-monogamy
-You are trans/queer or at least trans & queer friendly
-You don't own a cell phone, or at least you don't text while hanging out with dates or friends.

**Thoughtful messages much appreciated!
I get a lot of bullshit messages on this site lately.
Not interested in hearing from straight dudes who send one random line, thanks.

Note: No Shopify bros please.

note: cut out a bunch b/c long and boring af

pictures:

for someone who is a "fat activist" or w/e the gently caress all her pictures are carefully angled to minimize/hide her weight lol

# ? Mar 10, 2015 07:06

staberind: Feb 20, 2008; but i dont wanna be a spaceship; Fun Shoe

drat horror queefs posted:

note: cut out a bunch b/c long and boring af

pictures:

for someone who is a "fat activist" or w/e the gently caress all her pictures are carefully angled to minimize/hide her weight lol

Her gaping maw goes not flatter her, Perhaps we need a lardassholocaust, just so fat acceptance weirdo'smake some kind of sense.

# ? Mar 10, 2015 07:28

opus111: Jul 6, 2014

drat horror queefs posted:

note: cut out a bunch b/c long and boring af

pictures:

for someone who is a "fat activist" or w/e the gently caress all her pictures are carefully angled to minimize/hide her weight lol

lmao the BBO (bearded beta orbiter) just released how hosed up his life is lmao

# ? Mar 10, 2015 08:00

Jerry Steinfeld: Dec 25, 2012

if u like adventure time and you're older than 16 youre a failure

# ? Mar 10, 2015 08:01

RPATDO_LAMD: Mar 22, 2013; 🐘🪠🍆

Jerry Steinfeld posted:

if u like adventure time and you're older than 16 youre a failure

this but for all cartoons and animes

# ? Mar 10, 2015 08:34

Pice of Shit: Jun 11, 2003; I got mail....yay.

Forreal though... the bitties in pic #2 look good.

# ? Mar 10, 2015 08:46

toggle: Nov 7, 2005

opus111 posted:

lmao the BBO (bearded beta orbiter) just released how hosed up his life is lmao

i bet you he watches her and her special friends get the sheets wet lmao

# ? Mar 10, 2015 09:54

opus111: Jul 6, 2014

he massages her stinky gross feet while she goes on about suicide being a radical feminist statmeent

# ? Mar 10, 2015 09:57

Papercut: Aug 24, 2005

RPATDO_LAMD posted:

this but for all cartoons and animes

But most of all for comic books

# ? Mar 10, 2015 16:07

WIFEY WATCHDOG: Jun 25, 2012; Yeah, well I don't trust this guy. I think he regifted, he degifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp.