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Haruharuharuko
Mar 24, 2008

Yeah I lied; so what is the truth?

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Say Nothing
Mar 5, 2013

by FactsAreUseless

SneezeOfTheDecade
Feb 6, 2011

gettin' covid all
over your posts
Futility Closet has a great collection of unfortunate headlines today:

quote:

TOWN OKS ANIMAL RULE (Asheville Citizen)
TRAVIS MAN DIES AFTER ALTERATION (Sacramento Bee)
INDIAN OCEAN TALKS (The Plain Dealer)
JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT (Deseret News)
TRAIN ROLLS 0 MILES WITH NO ONE ABOARD (New York Times)
LAWMEN FROM MEXICO BARBECUE GUESTS (San Benito [Texas] News)
FLIES TO RECEIVE NOBEL PRIZE (New York Times)
CARTER TICKS OFF BLACK HELP (San Francisco Examiner)
MAULING BY BEAR LEAVES WOMAN GRATEFUL FOR LIFE (Herald-Dispatch, Huntington, W.Va.)
SILENT TEAMSTER GETS CRUEL PUNISHMENT: LAWYER (The Home News, Brunswick, N.J.)
MANCHESTER MAN BURSTS, HALTS TRAFFIC (Hartford Times)
SKELETON TIED TO MISSING DIPLOMAT (Philadelphia Evening Bulletin)
POET DOESN’T WANT AUDIENCE OF ILLERATES (Raleigh Times)
GLASS EYE IS NO HELP IN IDENTIFYING CORPSE (Deseret News)
FORMER MAN DIES IN CALIFORNIA (Freemont County [Calif.] Chronicle News)
MATH IMPROVEMENT INDICATES LEARNING IS TIED TO TEACHING (New York Times)
PAIR CHARGED WITH BATTERY (Denver Post)
TUNA RECALLED AFTER DEATH (Chicago Daily News)
TWO CONVICTS EVADE NOOSE; JURY HUNG (Oakland Tribune)
JERK INJURES NECK, WINS AWARD (Buffalo News)
TEACHERS’ HEAD GOES OFF TO JAIL (Sarasota Herald-Tribune)
SIX SENTENCED TO LIFE IN CLARKSVILLE (Nashville Banner)
POPE LAUNCHES TALKS TO END LONG DIVISION (Pomono Progress Bulletin)
A GRATEFUL NATION BURIES SAM RAYBURN (New York Herald Tribune)
SHOUTING MATCH ENDS TEACHER’S HEARING (Newsday)
DOCTOR TESTIFIES IN HORSE SUIT (Waterbury Republican)

Some are inspired: When the New York Times reported that a mansion-hunting Aristotle Onassis had visited Buster Keaton’s former estate, it chose the headline ARISTOTLE CONTEMPLATING THE HOME OF BUSTER.

SneezeOfTheDecade has a new favorite as of 01:52 on Apr 8, 2015

nagel
Sep 19, 2005

We formed a wall once.
This comes from a Facebook group, but it was just too good to pass up
http://www.iflscience.com/physics/large-hardon-collider-why-spell-check-important

Only registered members can see post attachments!

walrusman
Aug 4, 2006

That thing was a ticking typo time bomb from the moment it was conceived.

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


Nevermind the science, this facility has paid off in unintional humor several times over

genetic_knockout
May 8, 2007

Who's a good boy
This thread is my fave right now, sometimes I literally cannot stop laughing.

One from today: Marilyn Manson punched in the face at a Denny's in Lethbridge

And one from a few days ago: Man dies after having sex with scarecrow wearing wig

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Enjoy every sandwich.

Smellrose

genetic_knockout posted:

One from today: Marilyn Manson punched in the face at a Denny's in Lethbridge

I didn't know Marilyn Manson still existed.

Butt Wizard
Nov 3, 2005

It was a pornography store. I was buying pornography.
E: This actually comes across as a little weird, nm

Butt Wizard has a new favorite as of 23:30 on Apr 8, 2015

dumb.
Apr 11, 2014

-=💀=-

Say Nothing
Mar 5, 2013

by FactsAreUseless

Celery Face
Feb 18, 2012

ALL-PRO SEXMAN posted:

I didn't know Marilyn Manson still existed.
Being in Lethbridge doesn't count.

Celery Face has a new favorite as of 02:22 on Apr 9, 2015

Karma Monkey
Sep 6, 2005

I MAKE BAD POSTING DECISIONS

If Lars and The Real Girl had been done by the Coen Brothers.

the future is WOW
Sep 9, 2005

I QUIT!

And here I thought there couldn't possibly be a more embarrassing way to die than auto erotic asphyxiation.

Regalingualius
Jan 7, 2012

We gazed into the eyes of madness... And all we found was horny.




The Mentalizer posted:

And here I thought there couldn't possibly be a more embarrassing way to die than auto erotic asphyxiation.

Dysentery?

Yermaw Zahoor
Feb 24, 2009

The Mentalizer posted:

And here I thought there couldn't possibly be a more embarrassing way to die than auto erotic asphyxiation.

Didn't some guy die when a massive rock fell on him, and when they moved the rock he had his trousers down and a chicken on his dick (cock-cock)
I remember it was a Darwin award, but no way am I googling any of those terms.

Scarecrow guy wins imo

Henchman of Santa
Aug 21, 2010

Six Feet Under really had to stretch for some of those opening scenes late in its run.

the future is WOW
Sep 9, 2005

I QUIT!

At least with Dysentery you could lie and say you were on an adventure in some exotic foreign land where you caught the bug that caused you to poo poo yourself to death. There really is no way spin things once they find your body with a rope around your neck and your cock in a death grip. Besides, at the very worst, being murdered by your own rear end is just plain funny (as opposed to horribly pathetic).

Although Yermaw might be right, chicken loving may well be worse than auto erotic asphyxiation.

E: But still not as bad as sexy scarecrow loving.

the future is WOW has a new favorite as of 20:48 on Apr 9, 2015

Say Nothing
Mar 5, 2013

by FactsAreUseless



















Cacafuego
Jul 22, 2007


The UK has Latisha's?

Ahh, there we go:



Also, the author is the voice of Dr. Robotnik in the Sonic cartoon. Coincidence?...

Lady Disdain
Jan 14, 2013


are you yet living?

Cacafuego posted:

The UK has Latisha's?

Ahh, there we go:



Also, the author is the voice of Dr. Robotnik in the Sonic cartoon. Coincidence?...

We had a Latisha (spelt Latecia, I think) at my school in Australia.

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



Laetitia was the roman goddess of gaiety :mmmhmm:

Florida Betty
Sep 24, 2004

It's a pretty common name in France. Usually spelled Laetitia or Laeticia.

Say Nothing
Mar 5, 2013

by FactsAreUseless





Contribution.

Away all Goats
Jul 5, 2005

Goose's rebellion

bobjr
Oct 16, 2012

Roose is loose.
🐓🐓🐓✊🪧

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8nqi-RrfX0

Say Nothing
Mar 5, 2013

by FactsAreUseless

Rude Dude With Tude
Apr 19, 2007

Your President approves this text.
The Express is a terrible rag but their subs did well yesterday https://www.express.co.uk/news/nature/568868/Prince-Charles-calls-on-Cyprus-government-to-ban-killing-songbirds-for-aphrodisiac

Henchman of Santa
Aug 21, 2010
That lede is amazing too.

Tardigrade
Jul 13, 2012

Half arthropod, half marshmallow, all cute.

bobjr
Oct 16, 2012

Roose is loose.
🐓🐓🐓✊🪧

Say Nothing
Mar 5, 2013

by FactsAreUseless


Mezzanine
Aug 23, 2009

Follow up from John Oliver:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b436uUuf_VI

Lady Disdain
Jan 14, 2013


are you yet living?

Several hours ? He was doing it for several hours before they asked him to leave ? What the actual gently caress ?

Tetracube
Feb 12, 2014

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Istari posted:

Several hours ? He was doing it for several hours before they asked him to leave ? What the actual gently caress ?

do you want to be the person to talk to the man rubbing cotton balls on himself?

Haruharuharuko
Mar 24, 2008

Yeah I lied; so what is the truth?

Istari posted:

Several hours ? He was doing it for several hours before they asked him to leave ? What the actual gently caress ?

Having worked at McDonald the only time we ever intervened with anything was when a crackhead came in and started eating the Styrofoam salad containers and when we found a body in the dumpster.

blunt for century
Jul 4, 2008

I've got a bone to pick.


That's just part of the game, yo

Mezzanine
Aug 23, 2009
No, the armadillo armor bends around the blades, not the bullets.

Mezzanine has a new favorite as of 08:02 on Apr 17, 2015

mmj
Dec 22, 2006

I've always been a bit confrontational

The victim is still being sought for questioning

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Say Nothing
Mar 5, 2013

by FactsAreUseless

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