NCAA Offseason N/V: Yet Another National Champion From The SEC

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NCAA Offseason N/V: Yet Another National Champion From The SEC

«‹›352 »

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

Raku posted:

The best alligator story: http://www.exploresouthernhistory.com/alligator2

hahahahaha

quote:

When Carmer first learned of Two-Toed Tom,
at some point during the 1920s, the beast
was described as a �red-eyed hell-demon� in
alligator form, about fourteen feet long and
greatly feared by the rural residents along the
Florida line near Florala. The reptile had
been well-known in the area for more than
twenty years and was accused of eating
cows and mules and even blamed for
assaulting several local women. According to
Carmer, the monster received its name from
the unusual footprints it left behind.
Supposedly he had lost all but two of the toes
on his left front foot to a steel trap. Two-Toed
Tom also had survived numerous shootings
and at least one dynamite attack, none of
which seemed to have bothered him.

The well-known dynamite attack was
launched after the alligator emerged from the
swamps near Florala and killed a mule on
the farm of a local resident named Pap
Haines. The farmer had been waging a
twenty year war with Two-Toed Tom and was
so irate over the loss of his mule that he
decided to go after the beast with as much
firepower as possible.

According to Carmer�s account, Haines and
his son packed fifteen syrup buckets with
sticks of dynamite, lit the fuses, and threw the
buckets into the pond where the alligator was
believed to be hiding. The explosions
shredded every living thing in the pond,
uprooted trees and sent geysers of water
high up into the air.

No sooner had they ended their attack,
however, than the men � now joined by eight
of their neighbors � suddenly heard a
monstrous splashing sound from another
nearby pond. The splashes were punctuated
by the sounds of screams. By the time all the
men could reach the scene, all they could
see were the red eyes of Two-Toed Tom
sinking into the pond. The half-eaten
remains of Haines� twelve year old
granddaughter were found on the shore.

A wave of sightings of a giant beast soon
spread through the Choctawhatchee River
and Holmes Creek swamps of Holmes,
Walton and Washington Counties, Florida.
Cattle and livestock disappeared from farms
and the countryside was generally terrorized
by this new threat that had crossed the line
from Alabama.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 17:00

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 25, 2024 08:14

The Big Jesus: Oct 29, 2007; #essereFerrari

Ehud posted:

hahahahaha

I want to believe

# ? Apr 9, 2015 17:06

vyst: Aug 25, 2009

Raku posted:

The best alligator story: http://www.exploresouthernhistory.com/alligator2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUUp49p44w0

No this is the best alligator story

# ? Apr 9, 2015 17:10

Scarf: Jun 24, 2005; On sight

Emron posted:

That number is way higher than I thought it would be, and now I'm sad.

I get to go to the spring game this weekend to help tide me over :dance:

Speaking of, students are picking the winner of the game via dropping votes by the mannequins at the library on campus.

Midriffs

# ? Apr 9, 2015 17:27

MourningView: Sep 2, 2006; Is this Heaven?

People in Florida are astoundingly dumb and deserve to be brutally murder and devoured by prehistoric reptiles.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 17:32

dirty shrimp money: Jan 8, 2001

Hey, football news. Houston and Rice have renewed the Bayou Bucket rivalry. The series restarts in 2017 at UH and 2018 at Rice, and should continue until those nerds at Rice finally drop football to begin the first NCAA League of Legends program.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 17:40

Saucer Crab: Apr 3, 2009

JesustheDarkLord posted:

pre:

20	West Virginia	719		Blue	Yellow

Please, WVU's colors are Gold and Blue, Blue and Yellow are Pitt's colors.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 17:56

C2C - 2.0: May 14, 2006; Dubs In The Key Of Life; Lipstick Apathy

MourningView posted:

People in Florida are astoundingly dumb and deserve to be brutally murder and devoured by prehistoric reptiles.

It's less the people and more the actual land. I lived there for 4 years and man that place is cursed or something. I have traveled all over the world & have never seen weirder, odder, more perplexing sights anywhere more than Florida. Nowhere.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 18:31

vyst: Aug 25, 2009

I've been here for 25 years now. That's a firm, but fair assessment.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 18:33

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

104 degrees with 97% humidity is enough to drive anyone mad.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 18:37

vyst: Aug 25, 2009

Ehud posted:

104 degrees with 97% humidity is enough to drive anyone mad.

Oh July - September how I loathe thee.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 18:38

DocPsychosis: Apr 5, 2008; Welcome to the anxiety closet.

Ehud posted:

104 degrees with 97% humidity is enough to drive anyone mad.

Oh come now, where in Florida does it get consistently above 100 degrees?

# ? Apr 9, 2015 18:50

JesustheDarkLord: May 22, 2006; #VolsDeep; Lipstick Apathy

Saucer Crab posted:

Please, WVU's colors are Gold and Blue, Blue and Yellow are Pitt's colors.

Not when I look at them

# ? Apr 9, 2015 18:54

JesustheDarkLord: May 22, 2006; #VolsDeep; Lipstick Apathy

DocPsychosis posted:

Oh come now, where in Florida does it get consistently above 100 degrees?

Key west

# ? Apr 9, 2015 18:57

Ehud: Sep 19, 2003; football.

DocPsychosis posted:

Oh come now, where in Florida does it get consistently above 100 degrees?

my pants

# ? Apr 9, 2015 19:14

Fluffdaddy: Jan 3, 2009

DocPsychosis posted:

Oh come now, where in Florida does it get consistently above 100 degrees?

The entire panhandle. Southeast Alabama/North Florida is the hottest swampiest poo poo from June til about October.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 20:15

Dattserberg: Dec 30, 2005; National champion, Heisman winner, King crab enthusiast

Fluffdaddy posted:

The entire panhandle. Southeast Alabama/North Florida is the hottest swampiest poo poo from June til about October.

Tallahassee in June-July is one of the most miserable places in the state. We get all of the heat/humidity with none of the cooling breeze.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 20:17

vyst: Aug 25, 2009

Fluffdaddy posted:

The entire panhandle. Southeast Alabama/North Florida is the hottest swampiest poo poo from June til about October.

We get it in the shaft part of Florida too. You aint special.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 20:21

Pakled: Aug 6, 2011; WE ARE SMART

On the other hand, when I lived in Florida for 2 years, I found the daily 30-minute thunderstorms during the summer to be pretty comforting.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 20:24

RumbleFish: Dec 20, 2007

Scarf posted:

I get to go to the spring game this weekend to help tide me over

Speaking of, students are picking the winner of the game via dropping votes by the mannequins at the library on campus.

Midriffs

I'm going to our spring game this weekend as well and I'm unreasonably excited about it! I haven't been since I graduated, and only went once when I was in school. This should be a more interesting and informative scrimmage than they've been in recent years, given our quarterback situation.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 20:26

Stunt Rock: Jul 28, 2002; DEATH WISH AT 120 DECIBELS

Fluffdaddy posted:

The entire panhandle. Southeast Alabama/North Florida is the hottest swampiest poo poo from June til about October.

Mississippi and New Orleans too.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 20:29

Deteriorata: Feb 6, 2005

Dattserberg posted:

Tallahassee in June-July is one of the most miserable places in the state. We get all of the heat/humidity with none of the cooling breeze.

Sounds like getting eaten by an alligator isn't such a bad alternative after all.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 20:31

Raku: Nov 7, 2012; Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Roll Tide

RumbleFish posted:

I'm going to our spring game this weekend as well and I'm unreasonably excited about it! I haven't been since I graduated, and only went once when I was in school. This should be a more interesting and informative scrimmage than they've been in recent years, given our quarterback situation.

Never trust spring game quarterback showings. If ours had been telling last year Cooper Bateman would have started and Blake Sims would have been the waterboy.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 20:36

RumbleFish: Dec 20, 2007

So Coastal Carolina has a teal field now.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 22:11

PostNouveau: Sep 3, 2011; VY till I die; Grimey Drawer

Ehud posted:

The mascot Albert was originally a live gator back in the 1950s.

But gators in Florida are under pretty strict protection now. I don't think they could keep one as a live mascot anymore, or maybe they just wouldn't want to.

Actual gators are pretty scary and they're everywhere in Florida. There was a story a while back about some stupid runner taking her shoes off and putting her feet in the water of a canal or lake. All they found were her shoes because a gator grabbed her and drug her into the water lol.

This is shameful, UF. Get yourself a real gator. What kind of self-respecting school doesn't have a live version of its mascot? TCU, I'm looking at you too.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 22:18

Fluffdaddy: Jan 3, 2009

A giant elephant would be awful and has been tried here before

# ? Apr 9, 2015 22:21

PostNouveau: Sep 3, 2011; VY till I die; Grimey Drawer

Fluffdaddy posted:

A giant elephant would be awful and has been tried here before

No, I think you'll find that it would actually own pretty hard. Bama should get an elephant.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 22:24

Pakled: Aug 6, 2011; WE ARE SMART

PostNouveau posted:

No, I think you'll find that it would actually own pretty hard. Bama should get an elephant.

If I remember correctly, they stopped having a live elephant mascot because the stadium noise was loud enough that it physically hurt the elephant.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 22:26

whos that broooown: Dec 10, 2009; 2024 Comeback Poster of the Year

RumbleFish posted:

So Coastal Carolina has a teal field now.

Looks like 80s astroturf to me.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 22:27

Emron: Aug 2, 2005

PostNouveau posted:

No, I think you'll find that it would actually own pretty hard. Bama should get an elephant.

It would be basically abusing the elephant, destroy the field, and probably lead to at least one person's gruesome death

# ? Apr 9, 2015 22:30

Look Sir Droids: Jan 27, 2015; The tracks go off in this direction.

Does Auburn still have a tiger?

# ? Apr 9, 2015 22:49

VDay: Jul 2, 2003; I'm Pacman Jones!

Emron posted:

It would be basically abusing the elephant, destroy the field, and probably lead to at least one person's gruesome death

Hmm you're right.

Better get two.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 22:50

KICK BAMA KICK: Mar 2, 2009

Look Sir Droids posted:

Does Auburn still have a tiger?

Nah, but like twice in the last couple of years they've had a tiger cub from Birmingham Zoo at a game and let it play on the field before the game and stuff. We haven't had a permanent one except for maybe a brief time in the '50s, I think. LSU's the one that keeps a live tiger.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 23:01

Emron: Aug 2, 2005

KICK BAMA KICK posted:

Nah, but like twice in the last couple of years they've had a tiger cub from Birmingham Zoo at a game and let it play on the field before the game and stuff. We haven't had a permanent one except for maybe a brief time in the '50s, I think. LSU's the one that keeps a live tiger.

My roommate used to think the sting that LSU's band always does had the words "miiiike the ti-GER" and I like to think he was right

# ? Apr 9, 2015 23:04

kayakyakr: Feb 16, 2004; Kayak is true

New cost of attendance figures are out:

http://chronicle.com/article/At-Least-15-Athletics-Programs/229229/

Texas Tech has the highest CoA in the Big XII. Tennessee has the highest overall, with Auburn not far behind. The top 10 has 4 SEC schools and 4 Big XII schools.

# ? Apr 9, 2015 23:53

Sash!: Mar 16, 2001

Our mascot is extinct, so problem solved?

# ? Apr 10, 2015 00:30

Crotch Bat: Dec 6, 2003; Much like with everything else in life, the Euros seem to have more sense on how to do things in a fun atmosphere without sucking the soul out of the event.

We turned our mascot into a delicious stadium treat that you must experience(seriously, the drumsticks are the size of your face and delicious).

# ? Apr 10, 2015 00:52

Pakled: Aug 6, 2011; WE ARE SMART

A live yellow jacket would be a lovely animal mascot. Good thing we have the car instead.

# ? Apr 10, 2015 02:08

KICK BAMA KICK: Mar 2, 2009

Braxton Miller's officially off the NCAA hook.

# ? Apr 10, 2015 02:24

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 25, 2024 08:14

Frinkahedron: Jul 26, 2006; Gobble Gobble

Crotch Bat posted:

We turned our mascot into a delicious stadium treat that you must experience(seriously, the drumsticks are the size of your face and delicious).

Also a fantastic hand warmer in the cold weather games.

# ? Apr 10, 2015 02:38

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NCAA Offseason N/V: Yet Another National Champion From The SEC

«‹›352 »