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CrotchDropJeans posted:- One morning I strolled into the kitchen to make a nice breakfast for my grandparents and I discovered that the counters, floors, sink faucet, and several plates on the counter were coated in what I can only describe as a substance resembling a mixture of mud and cheese. Apparently Jordan had been feasting on what he called a "gravy quesadilla" in the wee hours of the night. I could see this "working" if it was like a steak quesadilla with gravy and cheese, but I'm assuming it was just gravy, cheese, and a tortilla and that seems like the right level of insanity for what has been described thus far. No idea how it could've gotten everywhere like that unless it exploded.
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Apr 14, 2015 15:49
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Serrath posted:I took a different interpretation of the ending; I saw the narrator shooting himself as a final repudiation of Taylor's plan. Taylor's plan ultimately didn't work because he wanted, all along, for the narrator to hit bottom and become the same as him and the narrator rejected that violently. Absolutely, I agree with you. It's definitely not an endorsement of Durden, nor the anti-capitalist "bringing down the system from within" that he represents. They'd all die within weeks without access to the cheap food and clean water that that system brings them, for example. They can't even make their precious soap without Marla's mother sending them fat. At no point do any of them consider farming or producing anything for themselves. I'm more trying to explain where the appeal comes from. I think the Labyrinth comparison is really apt: there's this cool magic house where you hide out and live with your cool friend and do kung fu and play pranks on the bullies who hate you and fight against the evils of the world, only this time it's really grown up and everyone swears and you're also the secret king of the world. And that bit's not really repudiated in the film; it'd be like if Jennifer Connelly asserted herself firmly, but then stayed behind with David Bowie and ruled over the kingdom. I mean, I was obsessed with Fight Club back in my high school days. It spoke to my rage against the systems I was not in control of, to the anger I had towards the people I felt were controlling me, and played well into the fantasies I had about being powerful and escaping. I totally get where people are coming from with it, and why it spoke to them. It really is a seminal book and film in a lot of folk's lives, and it was in mine. But I also grew up and moved past it, or rather, looked at it a bit more critically and examined what it was actually saying about anger and society and where this sort of behavior leads.
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Apr 14, 2015 16:07
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CrotchDropJeans posted:What Came Out of the Closet and Other Tales of Filth What the poo poo, what the poo poo, what the poo poo Out of all the crazy I've always heard talked about, either here or on other sites, the one thing that always gets me is the whole pissbottle thing, and now you're telling me he wipes his rear end and leaves the TP around?! Shouldn't this sort of thing be punishable by law? Couldn't you call the cops or something?
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Apr 14, 2015 16:14
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Might be wanktissues. Never thought I'd say this, but please let it be wanktissues...
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Apr 14, 2015 16:17
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Holy poo poo crotchdropjeans, you are brave for cleaning without gloves. I wouldn't touch a thing in my hoarding grandparents house without plastic gloves on. Thanks for the amazing stories man. Here's hoping there's no fecal lasagne in the future.
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Apr 14, 2015 16:19
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Ichabod Sexbeast posted:Might be wanktissues. It was next to the computer, of course it was wanktissues.
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Apr 14, 2015 17:10
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Oh man, new weirdness. Thank you thread.Ichabod Sexbeast posted:Might be wanktissues. The wankiest.
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Apr 14, 2015 17:13
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 This thread just makes me glad that the height of craziness in my family is dad turning racist overnight and voting for the British Nationalists overnight. Oh, and wanting to disband the BBC because they believe in global warming.Dick Burglar posted:Briefly returning to people-don't-understand-movies-chat: White supremacists loving love American History X. Rosseau was right. Reminds me of the bit in Jarhead where the marines are about to deploy to the Gulf, so they watch Apocalypse Now and Full Metal Jacket and go absolutely mental about how cool war is.
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Apr 14, 2015 17:21
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He wasn't like poop-socking at his computer and balling it up in toilet paper or something right?? People like this are mentally ill and need treatment 
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Apr 14, 2015 17:22
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I am pretty sure they were wanktissues, as if that's any consolation. But by the time I remembered the Chichen Itza-like structure he had created out of them, it had already been cleared away. Though I have no doubt that he's hard at work (heh) constructing a new pile as we speak. I'm not a particularly squeamish person, but I seriously wanted to barf when I put two and two together. Poopsocking didn't even enter my mind, thank God. Gravy quesadilla was almost certainly just canned gravy and Velveeta, as my grandparents are not exactly foodies and Jordan does not do any grocery shopping on his own. I'm guessing it got everywhere because he spilled it on his hands and then systematically touched everything in the kitchen. And for the poster who asked about cars, no, Jordan has never so much as expressed interest in driving. Or in riding a bike, for that matter, even though he lives in a beautiful little beach town that my inland-living rear end would kill to ride around in. Actually one of my cousins told me that he repeatedly offered to teach Jordan how to drive but was soundly rebuffed. He depends on my grandfather to run his errands for him and drive him on his rare outings beyond the Room Circuit. Which reminds me of a short story I can post before getting to one of the bigger ones later today! My aunt told me that last month, Jordan emailed her for the first time every, to ask her to "tell" my grandfather to do some grocery shopping, as Jordan was "starving." First of all, my grandparents are former Polish refugees who are obsessed with having food on hand. I have never, ever, in my entire life, been to their house where there wasn't at least two months' food on hand. He just didn't want to eat what they had. Second of all, the reason why my grandfather had skipped his weekly grocery trip was because my grandmother was hospitalized following a fall and he was spending every possible minute with her. Naturally my aunt told him to go gently caress himself, and he sent her this rambling diatribe about how he had the right not to starve and she was infringing on his rights by not helping him. I never saw it myself but my aunt is pretty no-nonsense and not the type to exaggerate so I believe it. I'll discuss Jordan's mental problems and how he got to be this way in a later installment. I do feel sorry for him on some level, and I care about his welfare because he is my cousin. He definitely has some serious issues, but that doesn't excuse a lot of his behavior, especially towards my grandparents.
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Apr 14, 2015 18:12
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CrotchDropJeans posted:And for the poster who asked about cars, no, Jordan has never so much as expressed interest in driving. Or in riding a bike, for that matter, even though he lives in a beautiful little beach town that my inland-living rear end would kill to ride around in. Actually one of my cousins told me that he repeatedly offered to teach Jordan how to drive but was soundly rebuffed. He depends on my grandfather to run his errands for him and drive him on his rare outings beyond the Room Circuit. Which reminds me of a short story I can post before getting to one of the bigger ones later today! This part's actually making me kinda sad. I had some rough teenage years too, but even I wanted to drive a car.
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Apr 14, 2015 19:27
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Time spent driving is time not spent
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Apr 14, 2015 21:00
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How Jordan Get Money? How is Income Formed? Jordan has Beliefs about Things, literal things in this case. He doesn't believe in cell phones, laptops, tablets, or any other personal electronic device. He does believe in using the aging desktop that used to be my grandfather's before he bought himself a laptop so he could surf the internet downstairs while watching Murder, She Wrote, but that's besides the point. He also doesn't believe in fancy clothes. Like Karl Lagerfeld, he selected a uniform for himself many years ago and has never deviated from it since. Unlike Karl Lagerfeld, Jordan's uniform consists of black basketball shorts, an oversized tee shirt, and white socks. Yes, even in winter (and it snows where he lives). No, I have never heard of him actually playing basketball. So really, Jordan is a simple person whose expenses are pretty small. No phone bill, no gadgets, I don't even think he plays video games. He downloads a lot of movies, but that doesn't cost money. As long as he has his wardrobe of basketball shorts, his notebooks that Kyle lives in, his screenplay book, and his gravy quesadillas, he's fine. A man of simple tastes. But, alas, sometimes he does need money, and sometimes, shockingly, my grandparents will not give it to him. They often do, but if they deem the expense "retarded poo poo" (as my grandma so eloquently put it), the wallet is closed, and no amount of tears or sulking can open it again. This is probably how the furniture got overturned in the Room Circuit, but the house is huge and my grandparents either can't hear it happening or don't give a poo poo. So our hero is forced to make his own money for his various expenses. Now, he has never had a job of any kind, at all, ever, in his entire life. He says that this is because there are no good jobs nearby and he won't work a "lovely" retail/food service job. Keep in mind that this is a resort town and he's a high school dropout who's been "working" on a combined GED/AA for the past four years. Pickings are slim for the discerning shut-in with no education or experience. He does periodically send out applications, but they rarely go anywhere. However, when I was there he somehow managed to land an actual interview with the Parks Service. Okay, dude hates going outside and talking to people, but whatever, we've all had jobs that were a lovely fit. Also, Parks Service must be loving desperate. He did not get the job, because he not only wore his basketball shorts outfit to the interview, he listed Kyle as a reference. I know this because when he got home and I was like "wtf why did you wear your basketball shorts?!" this prompted a discussion on general interview etiquette that led to me viewing his resume. His references were Kyle and my grandparents. Also he told me that he doesn't believe that interviewers should judge candidates on petty things like presentability, demeanor, and prior experience. With traditional employment closed off, this leaves Jordan to fend for himself using his entrepreneurial skills, which frankly suck. Last year one of my cousins went through a divorce and stayed with my grandparents for a few weeks while he found a new place to live, and he said he caught Jordan cold-calling every single one of his classmates asking if they wanted to buy his childhood video games/toys. He says Jordan was offering a caseless Super Mario Bros 3 for SNES for a cool $50. In the meantime, Jordan will totally skim a five out of your wallet if you leave it out and he thinks you won't notice. He never did it to me, because I don't carry cash, but everyone else warned me of it. Related: I asked him what his future plans were while I was there and this is the vision of the future he laid out for me: - Continue to live at home, letting grandparents take care of everything, without providing care for them. He estimates that he'll still have them around for another 20-25 years. While his faith in his grandparents' longevity is touching and I wish wish all my heart it was likely, my grandmother has loving Alzheimer's and my grandfather is in pretty bad shape in his own right. - After my grandparents pass, he expects to inherit the house and all its contents, at which point it will become his screenwriting studio and no one else will be allowed inside. A conversation about the money required to maintain such a large dwelling, even one that is already paid off, revealed that Jordan did not even suspect the existence of property taxes. However, it doesn't matter, because that screenplay is going to sell for MEGABUX and then Kyle will come chill out with him and the house will also become a center for his revolutionary philosophy that will change the world. No word on what this philosophy consists of. Also, yes, the same house that is the screenwriting studio that no one is allowed in. - loving awkward: I helped my grandparents file their wills and get their finances in order. The house is not going to Jordan. I said nothing.
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Apr 14, 2015 21:58
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CrotchDropJeans posted:The house is not going to Jordan. Kinda goes without saying
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Apr 14, 2015 22:20
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CrotchDropJeans posted:- loving awkward: I helped my grandparents file their wills and get their finances in order. The house is not going to Jordan. I said nothing. This almost redeems the shittiness of the situation, but people like that never hit rock bottom, they just keep falling and falling...
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Apr 14, 2015 22:26
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I'm guessing your grandparents don't like Jordan much, huh?  Is there any way you can get him counselling or something?EDIT: Seriously, listing 'Kyle' as a reference isn't autism or mental disability, it's just plain crazy. CommissarMega fucked around with this message at 03:14 on Apr 15, 2015 |
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Apr 15, 2015 03:08
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On the one hand, telling him might be a wakeup call. On the other hand, what might he do to your grandparents if he found out? And what kind of shitstorm of is there going to be when whoever inherits the house tries to evict him? What rights would he have?
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Apr 15, 2015 03:11
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CommissarMega posted:I'm guessing your grandparents don't like Jordan much, huh? Haha, I'll go into their relationship w Jordan later, but I think at this point they're sick of his poo poo but feel obligated to support him. As for counseling, I'd love to see him get some help and become a functional member of society, but as long as he refuses to change and as long as my grandparents continue to enable him, I have absolutely no influence or power over his situation. Like I said before, two weeks ago was the first time I'd directly communicated with him in nearly a decade. We aren't even Facebook friends. quote:On the one hand, telling him might be a wakeup call. On the other hand, what might he do to your grandparents if he found out? I don't think he'd "do" anything in terms of actually hurting them or something, but he'd probably whine and bitch enough for the situation at home to become even more stressful for them, and they don't need that. Not to mention that my grandparents have the right to leave whatever they want to whomever they want without people bitching at them about it. For the record, Jordan, like all the grandchildren, is going to receive something, just not the entire loving family house. I don't know what's going to happen if/when he finds out he's not getting the house. It's entirely possible that it'll be a moot point and that there will never be a "Jordan as the executor of the will I hereby inform you..." moment, because right now we don't know what's going to happen re: my grandmother's long term care. If my grandparents move out of the house they may just sell it. I don't think that Jordan is well-versed enough in tenant law to actually force any kind of legal battle, but I have no idea what his state's laws are in regards to new owner's ability to evict tenants.
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Apr 15, 2015 03:22
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CommissarMega posted:
The weird thing is that he actually has real IRL friends he could list, as well as contacts from school, although I'm pretty sure he doesn't go anymore. I was there for a week and a half and never saw him going to class or doing homework. Might have been Spring Break but my visit overlapped two workweeks so that's unlikely.
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Apr 15, 2015 03:23
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CrotchDropJeans posted:Haha, I'll go into their relationship w Jordan later, but I think at this point they're sick of his poo poo but feel obligated to support him. As for counseling, I'd love to see him get some help and become a functional member of society, but as long as he refuses to change and as long as my grandparents continue to enable him, I have absolutely no influence or power over his situation. Maybe talk to your grandparents, then? I dunno, maybe I'm a soft touch, but one thing I see in common with most of the weirdos in this thread is that they all have very active imaginations (to say the least) and high ambitions. yeah, that may be Dunning-Kruger in effect, but look at Mrs. Sai Baba and her overseas charity work. She may still be a little egotistic and kooky, but at least she's making a difference. I'd like to see an animated series by a more grounded Denise, or a saner Jordan's work on the big screen, and it's a shame that so much potential is being wasted away in a deluge of crazy. CrotchDropJeans posted:The weird thing is that he actually has real IRL friends he could list, as well as contacts from school, although I'm pretty sure he doesn't go anymore. I was there for a week and a half and never saw him going to class or doing homework. Might have been Spring Break but my visit overlapped two workweeks so that's unlikely. Maybe he's dropped out? Also, this might be completely off-the-mark, but have you read Shutting Out The Sun? It's about a Japanese social phenomenon called hikikomori, but I can definitely see some elements of it and its causes (especially with regards to feeling outside regular social circles) in the people posted about here- maybe all Jordan needs is some time out of the house with people, or in a different environment. Or maybe I'm just an armchair psychologist who's having a slow day at work, I dunno. CommissarMega fucked around with this message at 03:36 on Apr 15, 2015 |
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Apr 15, 2015 03:33
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quote:Maybe talk to your grandparents, then? I dunno, maybe I'm a soft touch, but one thing I see in common with most of the weirdos in this thread is that they all have very active imaginations (to say the least) and high ambitions. yeah, that may be Dunning-Kruger in effect, but look at Mrs. Sai Baba and her overseas charity work. She may still be a little egotistic and kooky, but at least she's making a difference. I'd like to see an animated series by a more grounded Denise, or a saner Jordan's work on the big screen, and it's a shame that so much potential is being wasted away in a deluge of crazy. I feel the same way, I'd love to see Jordan put his imagination to good use and I'd love to see him get help for his issues. But considering that my grandparents are dealing with my grandmother's Alzheimer's, that she already has other severe health issues and so does my grandfather, and that they are currently trying to untangle their finances and work out long-term care, now is not really the time to be all "Hey Jordan needs a thing!" That said, other family members have spoken to them about Jordan's issues repeatedly over the years and if my grandparents refuse to change the situation and Jordan refuses to change the situation and nobody is being neglected or injured or held against their will, there is nothing I or anyone else can realistically do about the situation. Jordan knows that he can call me if he wants advice or guidance on anything, but I am a grown adult living in another state and frankly when I visit my priorities have to be my grandparents, especially my grandmother, and not Jordan. It sounds harsh, but I can't force anyone to do anything and I have realistic limitations on my time and abilities. I'm pretty sure he dropped out, but again, can't do much about that. I have heard of hikikkomori! Actually it's the first thing I thought of when I heard about how Jordan is living. I'll have to read that book. Edit: Your comment about Jordan needing some time out of the house with other people rang a bell. I was out of the country at the time, but maybe 4-5 years ago my grandparents visited my parents with Jordan for Hanukkah. My mother keeps an immaculate house and expects others to do the same, and she expects full social participation from all family members. She also has a huge-rear end pool, so maybe that was a motivating factor, but the day before they all left Jordan sat my parents down and begged them to let him live with them for a bit. My parents felt terrible, but unfortunately they had to say no as my brother was still in high school at the time, plus my sister and brother in law had just moved in with their baby and they were already overwhelmed. My mom felt so awful about that, I remember her calling me in France and telling me that her heart just about broke for him. I wish it had come at a better time. CrotchDropJeans fucked around with this message at 03:52 on Apr 15, 2015 |
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Apr 15, 2015 03:46
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I met someone in one possible end state of a situation like this once. She was in her mid-50s, I'd guess, and had lived with her father all her life. He took care of everything: house, bills, commuting, cooking, shopping, etc. to the point where she was functionally helpless at even the most basic tasks. It wasn't through any sort of malice or creepiness or anything, just an old fashioned Southern dad taking care of his daughter "until she got married", that I guess happened to go on for about 30 years too long. But then the father died (he was in his 80s, I think), and all of a sudden, she was forced to deal with everything. Medical bills had wiped out almost everything he'd had in savings, forced him to sell all the property he owned, etc., so she was down to just a small bit that got her into government housing. It's next to impossible for a woman her age to find work with no job experience, no desire to learn anything, and a constant monologue about how badly the world had treated her and how angry she was at her father for not having taken better care of her by leaving her an inheritance or finding her a husband to take care of her. She ate out for every meal every day, because she didn't know how to cook and would not learn, and took a taxi everywhere, because the people on the bus were rude and lower class and also the bus drivers were mean. She ended up running through a long list of family and friends and acquaintances and finally people they'd lived next door to 20 years ago trying to get folks to send her money to live on or take her in. There was some awareness that her lifestyle wasn't sustainable, that the money was running out, but no practical movement towards actually fixing it, nothing that would involve concessions on her part. It would have been one thing if all this poo poo had happened, she was now trying to make it on her own, but just didn't have the skills yet and was trying to learn. But the constant, repetitive, unceasing complaining, the constant interruptions every few seconds when someone was explaining even the simplest tasks, and the sheer belligerence at being expected to do anything whatsoever when someone could be doing it for her instead...  I haven't seen her in about 3 years. I have no idea what happened or where she ended up. Toph Bei Fong fucked around with this message at 05:50 on Apr 15, 2015 |
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Apr 15, 2015 05:46
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Toph Bei Fong posted:I met someone in one possible end state of a situation like this once. She was in her mid-50s, I'd guess, and had lived with her father all her life. He took care of everything: house, bills, commuting, cooking, shopping, etc. to the point where she was functionally helpless at even the most basic tasks. It wasn't through any sort of malice or creepiness or anything, just an old fashioned Southern dad taking care of his daughter "until she got married", that I guess happened to go on for about 30 years too long. In a Tennessee Williams play?
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Apr 15, 2015 20:45
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Stultus Maximus posted:In a Tennessee Williams play? Maybe she could write a novel that glorifies her worldview. Call it Epimetheus Planned or somesuch.
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Apr 19, 2015 02:43
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Hello Sailor posted:Maybe she could write a novel that glorifies her worldview. Call it Epimetheus Planned or somesuch.
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Apr 19, 2015 08:24
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That reminds me, I asked Jordan who he would want to direct his screenplay and he said that he would refuse any contract that didn't allow him to direct and produce it. More stories later this week when work stops being so loving stupid!
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Apr 20, 2015 04:09
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CrotchDropJeans posted:That reminds me, I asked Jordan who he would want to direct his screenplay and he said that he would refuse any contract that didn't allow him to direct and produce it. Well, I think the good news here is that he will not be in any risk of having to turn down any offers because he finds the terms unsatisfactory.
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Apr 20, 2015 05:11
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I LIED it's earlier than I thought it was so I can get in a story before going to bed. My Little Jordan: Friendship is Magic This is less of a story and more of an expression of astonishment, but Jordan, shockingly, has IRL friends. According to his sister Lauren, who I really need to stay in touch with more, he never had any until the past year and a half or so, which dovetails pretty well with my earlier memories of him. I'd always assumed he had friends because I assume that all people have friends, but in retrospect I have no memory of him interacting with a peer in person or on the phone at any point until I stopped visiting my family when he was maybe 14-15 or so. I guess I thought that he wasn't social at family events because there was no one else within 5 years of his age--when you're a kid or a teenager, that's a big gap. Anyways, Lauren told me he met some people at a creative writing workshop at the community college. From what she says, it sounds like one of those "everything you write is valid and good because it's personal expression" things and not a legitimate vehicle for artistic critique. Duh. So he meets this group of guys, and they have regular hangouts where they literally just talk about their imaginary friends. Yes, they all believe that their characters are real or will be real. No, I don't know if Jordan got the idea from them or vice-versa. They usually meet at Jordan's house because none of them have moved out and Jordan has the entire Room Circuit and my grandparents don't give a gently caress unless they get loud, but since they pretty much just furtively whisper about their imaginary friends it doesn't really come up. They had one gathering while I was there, and I was treated to a miniature rogue's gallery of the gooniest of goons, with one shining exception. The cast of characters (names changed of course): Andrew: A little bit of backstory on this visit first. I mentioned earlier that Jordan never went downstairs except in the dead of night, with the exception of my first night there. He did not come downstairs to greet his friends when they arrived--apparently his MO is to have my grandfather get up, answer the door, and yell to Jordan that his friends are here. At which point Jordan yells at them to come up and the Krazy Klatch commences behind closed doors, lasting anywhere from one to six hours. Anyways, when the doorbell rang, of course I answered it instead of making my grandfather do it because I'm not an rear end in a top hat. I opened the door and saw Andrew, and I literally thought it was Chris Griffin come to life. Huge, wall-like, blond, pink, and horrendously awkward. When he saw me, his eyes bugged out and he literally made a "duhhhhhhhh" sound of confusion. I asked if he was here to see Jordan and he blurted out "YESIAMJORDANSFRIENDANDREWIMGOINGUPSTAIRSNOW" all in one extremely loud word. He bolted past me like I was going to attack him and waddled up the stairs as fast as he could. Wormtail: I have no idea what this guy's name was because he maintained steady eye contact with the floor and just ran behind Andrew. He looked like he'd stolen the clothes of a much larger man from a clothesline before they were finished drying. He smelled like dogs. Derek: Fedora-wearer and neckbeard-haver extraordinaire. Blamed the situation in Syria on Zionists within 45 seconds of meeting me, even though he knew perfectly well that my family is Jewish and he was visiting during goddamn Passover (yes, I know, not all Jews are Zionists, I'm not myself, but it's still really rude, especially if you don't know the person. And my grandparents who were in the next room are Zionists). Michael: Michael, you are too beautiful and good for this tale! Michael is a fit, nice-looking, well-groomed, confident young man with impeccable manners. He politely introduced himself, apologized discreetly for the others, asked me if I was enjoying my visit, and then went into the next room and greeted my grandparents and asked how they'd been and if there was anything he could get them from the kitchen while he was up before going up to Jordan's Room Circuit. Before he left he made sure he said goodbye to all three of us and again asked my grandparents if they needed anything and if he could pick up anything for them before the next time he came by. He works for his aunt's dry cleaning business and hopes to complete a certificate in dental hygiene. He likes to write short stories in his spare time but he doesn't get to write as often as he'd like because he helps his sister take care of her twin toddlers. I honestly have no idea what kind of common ground he could possibly have with these people that he couldn't get from a saner group. I am not really sure what the Krazy Klatch does in the Room Circuit--I haven't been in a situation that was more explicitly NO GIRLS ALLOWED since I was like ten. The best description I could get was that they talk about their characters. I imagine it's not unlike the conversations Uglynoodles and Denise had back in the day. I would love to be a fly on the wall during one of those conversations. We Don't Eat Food From Republican Hands: A Bonus Tale Starring My Grandma As you all know, Grandma has Alzheimer's. It's not at the point where she thinks it's 1955 and I'm her dead sister or something, but she gets agitated very easily, her short-term memory is shot, and she is becoming increasingly reluctant to speak English, even though she's spoken fluently for decades and barely has an accent. We are trying our best to encourage her to speak as much English as possible, because the longer she holds on to English the better her opportunities for quality care are going to be. Finding Polish-speaking caregivers in a small town is a tall order. Anyways, word of her diagnosis has spread, and an old family friend who is very prominent in local right-wing politics sent over a beautiful fruit basket. Now, my family has voted the straight Democratic ticket since we emigrated here, but that's never stood in the way of this friendship. He's a nice person and is of the saner, older breed of Republican. So I bring the fruit basket to show to her. Me: Grandma, look, Bill Smith sent over this lovely fruit basket! Do you want any fruit right now? Grandma, in Polish: No, I won't eat his food, I wouldn't vote for him, I won't eat after him. Me: Grandma, can you say that in English? I can't understand you very well in Polish. Grandma, still in Polish: No! He's a Republican! Me: Come on, can we try it just once in English please? Look, there's Barlett pears, do you want to split one with me? Grandma, in English, bitch-slapping the pear out of my hand: gently caress YOUR REPUBLICAN PEARS! Later on she ate a bunch of grapes out of it and asked me to please write him a thank you note, so I guess it's cool now.
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Apr 20, 2015 05:48
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I lost it at "gently caress YOUR REPUBLICAN PEARS" What the hell, old lady?
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Apr 20, 2015 07:19
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DicktheCat posted:I lost it at "gently caress YOUR REPUBLICAN PEARS" I think I'm in love with grandma.
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Apr 20, 2015 08:09
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That's a lot like my grandmother, deep in the throes of dementia. Fortunately, I'm burned into her memory at the age she first started declining, so I'm perpetually ~21 to her, which is way better than being perceived as a child or even a teen. She keeps asking when I'm going to graduate but now I can keep honestly answering, just increasing the degree level every few years. She's always so impressed and proud. 
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Apr 20, 2015 10:15
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Mine had the nice line to my uncle; "you remind me of my son, only you're a lot nicer".
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Apr 20, 2015 13:46
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CrotchDropJeans, your cousin's hopes for Kyle sound like someone whose read American Gods while very drunk. Maybe Michael's like the Ghost of Christmas Get a Life, or something.
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Apr 20, 2015 13:46
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CrotchDropJeans posted:Grandma, in English, bitch-slapping the pear out of my hand: gently caress YOUR REPUBLICAN PEARS! This is great even though the reason it happened isn't. WebDog posted:Mine had the nice line to my uncle; "you remind me of my son, only you're a lot nicer". My grandfather either thought I was my father or I was like a service man or something, granted I was doing a lot of chores and making deliveries for him so I can see that. His brother often refers to me by my dad's name but usually corrects himself. He seems otherwise quite with it, was able to teach him how youtube works with surprising success. Wrote me a letter (I forgot to go over email) about how he showed cat videos to his neighbor on the ipad her grandchildren got her
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Apr 20, 2015 15:20
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WebDog posted:Mine had the nice line to my uncle; "you remind me of my son, only you're a lot nicer". This is beautiful. My grandma still recognizes people in the current timeline pretty universally right now, but dementia can cause existing personality characteristics to become exaggerated and she was always kind of irritable and melodramatic. The last day before I left, she complained to me that her friend's children are all successful, well-off, educated adults but her children are all losers. This is extremely true in the case of my aunt and uncle, so I just kind of mildly said "aw come on my mom's not a loser" and changed the subject. quote:CrotchDropJeans, your cousin's hopes for Kyle sound like someone whose read American Gods while very drunk. Maybe Michael's like the Ghost of Christmas Get a Life, or something. Seriously. Michael, what are you doing with these people if you aren't some kind of supernatural being sent to teach them a cosmic lesson?! I know it's massively unfair to make sweeping value judgments on people you met once for a couple minutes, but Michael was so head and shoulders above everyone else that I genuinely thought that he must be some kind of older brother or handler for one of the others. Also, your drunk comment reminds me of something! Ever since I can remember, there has been a fairly large wine collection at my grandparents' that no one ever drank from. When I arrived and scouted the house, I noticed it had been considerably depleted, which is pretty normal for a ten-year gap. I asked my grandfather later if he'd lost interest in wine, and my grandfather started laughing his rear end off and telling me that about four or five years ago Jordan had started sneaking bottles of the wine and drinking them alone in his room. Grandpa didn't notice because he actually had lost interest in wine and was really just keeping it on hand out of laziness. Since Jordan's a shut-in, no one noticed that he was drinking a bottle of wine every night, until he happened upon a bottle of mezcal. Alas, all those months of furtive wine drinking had taught Jordan nothing, and he drank over half the bottle in one sitting under the impression that it was just some kind of nasty-tasting wine. Apparently he realized something was wrong, stumbled out of whatever room he was in, opened the hall window, and vomited down the entire side of the house. The next morning, my grandfather locked him outside with the pressure washer until it was cleaned to his satisfaction. He cried for an hour begging to be let in before actually cleaning it.
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Apr 20, 2015 15:37
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CrotchDropJeans posted:The next morning, my grandfather locked him outside with the pressure washer until it was cleaned to his satisfaction. He cried for an hour begging to be let in before actually cleaning it. This is my favorite story series this thread has had in a while.
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Apr 20, 2015 16:42
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CrotchDropJeans posted:I would love to be a fly on the wall during one of those conversations. Buy Michael an account and send him this thread. Rexides fucked around with this message at 19:21 on Apr 20, 2015 |
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Apr 20, 2015 18:57
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Calling it now: Michael is the one feeding them all the crazy ideas. Being relatively attractive and comparatively successful, he can be king of the goons and rule them with an iron fist. You should try to hook up with Michael, that will help affirm his cult-leader position and give us a wonderful window into your brother's crazy world. Plus, it will get you laid and give you a fun fling to pass the time until his craziness surfaces. Everybody wins.
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Apr 20, 2015 22:17
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Shbobdb posted:Calling it now: Michael is the one feeding them all the crazy ideas. Being relatively attractive and comparatively successful, he can be king of the goons and rule them with an iron fist. Calling it now: Shbobdb is Michael.
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Apr 20, 2015 23:49
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I bet Michael is either a high-school friend who just can't let go because he doesn't want to hurt someone, or he's there for the material. Because if you're a writer, these people probably have a million stories. And then you find out the stories he writes are all about him brutally killing these people, a la Throw Momma From a Train.
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Apr 21, 2015 00:03
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