just got a job as a retard masturbator

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revdrkevind: Dec 15, 2013; ASK ME ABOUT MY TINY DICK

also my opinion on

Pastor Perineum posted:

You'll wear gloves and apply lubricant to the penis if the man is circumcised

It's interesting to see how common this misconception still is.

Fun fact: Although sometimes the procedure leaves the foreskin so tights that lubrication is advisable, for many/most people there's enough foreskin left that jerking off works like normal.

The More You Jerk Off Dudes...

# ? Apr 14, 2015 19:20

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 14, 2024 03:57

Scrotum Modem: Sep 12, 2014

revdrkevind posted:

It's interesting to see how common this misconception still is.

Fun fact: Although sometimes the procedure leaves the foreskin so tights that lubrication is advisable, for many/most people there's enough foreskin left that jerking off works like normal.

The More You Jerk Off Dudes...

hey, if you prefer a dry hand job from someone, more power to ya.

as a circumcised man, I don't use lube either when I get myself off but if someone offered me a hj with or without lube, I would go with lube in a heartbeat. uncut dongs are naturally lubed underneath the foreskin which is why it would be an unneeded option for them.

plus you gotta remember - you're providing a quality retard jerk off service here. don't half rear end it now!

# ? Apr 14, 2015 19:57

The Protagonist: Jun 29, 2009; The average is 5.5? I thought it was 4. This is very unsettling.

Pastor Perineum posted:

plus you gotta remember - you're providing a quality retard jerk off service here. don't half rear end it now!

pfft if it sprays it pays, what are they gonna know the difference?

# ? Apr 14, 2015 20:06

StashAugustine: Mar 24, 2013; Do not trust in hope- it will betray you! Only faith and hatred sustain.

Pastor Perineum posted:

if you HAD to choose between these two jobs, which would you choose?

1) being a nurse that assists quadriplegics in taking a poo poo every other day. You have to put gloves on, lubricate your fingers, and finger the disabled man's rectum for a while until it loosens up, then dig your fingers up there and try to stimulate a bowel movement. Some poop might not want to come out so you'll just try to work it out with your hands until most of the poo poo is out of the rectum. As stated, you will be peering and prodding into this unfortunate man's anus every other day as long as you keep this job.

2) jack off a retarded man once a week. You'll wear gloves and apply lubricant to the penis if the man is circumcised. Let's just assume the retarded man doesn't go nuts (lol pun) and try to hurt you or or something. Job takes less than five minutes.

________________________/

# ? Apr 14, 2015 20:07

Rambling Robot: Sep 13, 2011; Duggar Fan Club Superstar #1 LOL

Sir John Feelgood posted:

.

I think you should put it on your CV.

It shows you're good at hand-on approach.

# ? Apr 14, 2015 20:09

GODS NOT REAL: Sep 25, 2012; YOU STUPID BUNNIES

Pastor Perineum posted:

1) being a nurse that assists quadriplegics in taking a poo poo every other day. You have to put gloves on, lubricate your fingers, and finger the disabled man's rectum for a while until it loosens up, then dig your fingers up there and try to stimulate a bowel movement. Some poop might not want to come out so you'll just try to work it out with your hands until most of the poo poo is out of the rectum. As stated, you will be peering and prodding into this unfortunate man's anus every other day as long as you keep this job.

I'm a CNA and my job is pretty much this but enemas eliminate the need for butthole fingering so

# ? Apr 14, 2015 20:13

I. M. Gei: Jun 26, 2005; CHIEFS

BITCH

powerofrecall posted:

so you work from home op?

This is a real good post.

# ? Apr 14, 2015 20:33

I. M. Gei: Jun 26, 2005; CHIEFS

BITCH

I mean I've heard of turkey masturbators but drat.

# ? Apr 14, 2015 20:37

Pinche Rudo: Feb 8, 2005

If you look up love in the dictionary its a picture of a guy furiously jacking his disabled kid off

# ? Apr 14, 2015 20:41

Rambling Robot: Sep 13, 2011; Duggar Fan Club Superstar #1 LOL

Frog Act posted:

http://i.imgur.com/CvzCTV1.gifv

# ? Apr 14, 2015 20:55

Cool Dad: Jun 15, 2007; It is always Friday night, motherfuckers

StashAugustine posted:

________________________/

Is this what a vagina looks like

# ? Apr 14, 2015 21:03

white mans burping: Feb 24, 2015

Rambling Robot posted:

# ? Apr 15, 2015 09:53

Diesel Fucker: Aug 14, 2003; I spent my rent money on tentacle porn.

Frog Act posted:

http://i.imgur.com/CvzCTV1.gifv

This aint THE THING: A xxx parody.

# ? Apr 15, 2015 10:11

concerned mom: Apr 22, 2003; by Lowtax; Grimey Drawer

powerofrecall posted:

so you work from home op?

# ? Apr 15, 2015 10:36

ScRoTo TuRbOtUrD: Jan 21, 2007

powerofrecall posted:

so you work from home op?

# ? Apr 15, 2015 15:00

Philthy: Jan 28, 2003; Pillbug

powerofrecall posted:

so you work from home op?

# ? Apr 16, 2015 06:21

KaiserSchnitzel: Feb 23, 2003; Hey baby I think we Havel lot in common

This thread completely changed my opinion on whether I would ever like to go to Australia to have sex with hot women. Unless it's Crazy Claire from Lost.

# ? Apr 16, 2015 07:10

Sophy Wackles: Dec 17, 2000; > access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.

powerofrecall posted:

so you work from home op?

# ? Apr 16, 2015 07:19

Sas: Oct 29, 2014

HOLY poo poo I JUST THOUGHT OF A GREAT IDEA can we do the women instead???

Otherwise it's sexist isn't it?? God i hope that's an option

# ? Apr 16, 2015 10:22

Spiderjelly: Aug 22, 2006; Sign of evil.

powerofrecall posted:

so you work from home op?

Haha goddammit I can't take it

# ? Apr 16, 2015 10:42

Slugnoid: Jun 23, 2006; Nap Ghost

# ? Apr 16, 2015 15:12

memy: Oct 15, 2011; by exmarx

I wish I could get paid to do what I do in my spare time

# ? Apr 16, 2015 15:49

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

Slugnoid posted:

Welp won't see that everyday that's for sure :unsmith:

So what's the job interview for these people, do they have to do a casting couch test run?

# ? Apr 16, 2015 15:59

Oxygen Deficiency: May 19, 2008

powerofrecall posted:

so you work from home op?

# ? Apr 16, 2015 16:00

lollontee: Nov 4, 2014; Can't post for 10 years!

Frog Act posted:

http://i.imgur.com/CvzCTV1.gifv

i'm the oxygen tank

# ? Apr 16, 2015 17:38

Inexplicable Humblebrag: Sep 20, 2003

has anyone quoted the good reply on page 1 yet

# ? Apr 16, 2015 18:17

Spiderjelly: Aug 22, 2006; Sign of evil.

DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

has anyone quoted the good reply on page 1 yet

days later and I'm still lollin

# ? Apr 18, 2015 03:51

Stoic Commie: Aug 29, 2005; by XyloJW

i bet his taxes were challenging

# ? Apr 18, 2015 03:54

Code Jockey: Jan 24, 2006; 69420 basic bytes free

Spiderjelly posted:

days later and I'm still lollin

# ? Apr 18, 2015 10:11

lollontee: Nov 4, 2014; Can't post for 10 years!

greetings from goldmine

# ? Apr 18, 2015 13:12

Zaradis: Nov 6, 2014

powerofrecall posted:

so you work from home op?

# ? Apr 23, 2015 06:09

Code Jockey: Jan 24, 2006; 69420 basic bytes free

Code Jockey posted:

# ? Apr 23, 2015 21:11

Fojar38: Sep 2, 2011; Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia

also here's a stupid take
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