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MononcQc
May 29, 2007

I'm back to being a top-hitter :getin:

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Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

2022 All-Star Game Results




Scoring Summary
2nd Period
9:09 -- (West) P. Kane (T. Seguin, R. Nugent-Hopkins)

3rd Period
2:13 -- (East) K. Rychel (J. Tavares, E. Karlsson)
19:54 - (East) S. Stamkos (E. Karlsson, A. Athanatos)


Penalty Summary
2nd Period
4:13 -- (West) J. Schultz -- Hooking (Minor)
7:42 -- (East) A. Kopitar -- Slashing (Minor)

3rd Period
0:57 -- (East) P. O'Bourke -- Interference (Minor)
4:23 -- (West) Z. Werenski -- High Sticking (Minor)
8:03 -- (East) K. Rychel -- Holding (Minor)
15:13 -- (West) B. Gormley -- Fighting (Major)
15:13 -- (East) P. O'Bourke -- Fighting (Major)


3 Stars of the Game
1) (East) Felix Orphansbane (23 saves, 1.00 GAA, .958 SV%)
2) (West) Zip (39 saves, 2.00 GAA, .951 SV%)
3) (East) Kerby Rychel (1 goal, +2)



Athanatos
Jun 7, 2006

Est. 2000
Holy poo poo an ASG point!

CommaToes
Dec 15, 2006

Ecce Buffo
A 2-1 Allstar game.

Lower ratings than the 2015 one.

Pleads
Jun 9, 2005

pew pew pew


I feel as though Gallant is not reaching his true potential :(

Bregor
May 31, 2013

People are idiots, Leslie.
23 minutes a game, PPG is up, and Edmonton in first. Hail McPhallus :c00lbert:

Top Hats Monthly
Jun 22, 2011


People are people so why should it be, that you and I should get along so awfully blink blink recall STOP IT YOU POSH LITTLE SHIT
trade me RIGHT loving NOW!!!

I honestly think my guy is good enough for the ASG but getting choked away on the lovely Columbus team.

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

End of 2021-22 Regular Season Update


Notable Stats
Lemur finished 4th in Goals
Hilder finished 5th in +/-; Picklechips is 7th
Longrod finished 6th in Hits
O'Bourke lead the league in PIM; Windros Jr is 2nd; Picklechips is 3rd
Orphansbane finished 3rd in Wins; Pepperdick & Zip are 5th
Orphansbane finished 1st in GAA%; Pepperdick is 6th; Zip is 7th
Orphansbane finished 2nd in SV%; Pepperdick is 4th; Yokozuna is 5th
Strelkov lead in the AHL in Wins; Chavez finished 2nd
Strelkov finished 5th in GAA; Chavez finished 6th
Strelkov finished 4th in SV%; Chavez finished 8th


Transaction News
1/27/22 -- CBJ gets: 3 prospects
1/27/22 -- SJS gets: Jeremy Morin (85 OVR)

2/20/22 -- ARZ gets: Patrice Bergeron (86 OVR)
2/20/22 -- BOS gets: 2022 1st Round Pick, 1 prospect

3/3/22 -- NYI gets: Alex Chiasson, 2022 2nd Round Pick
3/3/22 -- PIT gets: Sami Vatanen (85 OVR)


Injury Report
EDM -- Yokozuna is injured and needs to be evaluated.
LAK -- S. McStabson is out with an MCL Sprain. Expected return is 5/10/22






Comments
Stamkos & Drouin finished with 129 & 128 pts
Goalies bad
Felix should get another Vezina
Athanatos should win another Norris

http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2015 for Complete Stats

MononcQc
May 29, 2007

Bitdiddle taking a nosedive. I think I peaked.

Kyrosiris
May 24, 2006

You try to be happy when everyone is summoning you everywhere to "be their friend".



Yikes. Who poisoned my water this year?

JawKnee
Mar 24, 2007





You'll take the ride to leave this town along that yellow line
:sigh: another 20+ goals season at 10 minutes a night for Wang

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

End of 2021-22 Season Update

Playoff Results
EDM def NSH in 6
LAK def ARZ in 6
VAN def DAL in 7
COL def WPG in 5

TBL def OTT in 7
FLA def TOR in 6
BUF def WSH in 4
PHI def NJD in 5

EDM def LAK in 6
COL def VAN in 6

TBL def FLA in 7
PHI def BUF in 7

EDM def COL in 7
PHI def TBL in 7

PHI def EDM in 7


NHL Awards
Stanley Cup Champions
Philadelphia Flyers

Presidents Trophy (Best Regular Season Record)
Tampa Bay Lightning

Clarence S. Campbell Bowl (Western Conference Champion)
Edmonton Oilers

Prince of Wales Trophy (Eastern Conference Champion)
Philadelphia Flyers

Art Ross Trophy (Most Points)
Steven Stamkos -- Tampa Bay Lightning

Hart Memorial Trophy (League MVP)
Steven Stamkos -- Tampa Bay Lightning

James Norris Memorial Trophy (Best Defenseman)
Victor Hedman -- Tampa Bay Lightning

Lady Byng Memorial Trophy (Best Sportsmanship & Gentlemanly Conduct)
Jonathan Drouin -- Tampa Bay Lightning

Calder Memorial Trophy (Rookie of the Year)
Stephen Winchester -- New York Rangers

Conn Smythe Trophy (Playoff MVP)
Anthony Stolarz -- Philadelphia Flyers

Vezina Trophy (Best Goaltender)
Felix Orphansbane -- Toronto Maple Leafs

William M. Jennings Trophy (Goalie(s) on team with fewest Goals Against)
Jeremy Helvig / Blade Mann-Dixon -- Florida Panthers

Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy (Perserverence, Sportsmanship & Dedication to hockey)
Matt Finn -- Toronto Maple Leafs

Frank J. Selke Trophy (Best Defensive Forward)
Jack Eichel -- New Jersey Devils

Ted Lindsay Award (League MVP as voted by NHLPA)
Steven Stamkos -- Tampa Bay Lightning

Maurice "Rocket" Richard Trophy (Most Goals)
Steven Stamkos -- Tampa Bay Lightning


AHL Playoffs Results
ADK def TOR in 4
OKC def LEM in 7
CHI def IOW in 7
UTI def GRR in 6

POR def SYR in 6
ALB def HER in 6
BIN def LVP in 7
WOR def PRO in 6

OKC def ADK in 7
CHI def UTI in 5

POR def WOR in 5
ALB def BIN in 7

OKC def CHI in 4
POR def ALB in 6

POR def OKC in 6

AHL Awards
Calder Cup (AHL's Stanley Cup)
Portland Pirates

Macgregor Kilpatrick Trophy (AHL's President's Trophy)
Portland Pirates

Richard F. Canning Trophy (Eastern Conference Champion)
Portland Pirates

Robert W. Clarke Trophy (Western Conference Champion)
Oklahoma City Barons

John B. Sollenberger Trophy (Most Regular Season Points)
Jeremy Oshie -- Iowa Wild

Les Cunningham Award (League MVP)
Jeremy Oshie -- Iowa Wild

Willie Marshall Award (Most Regular Season Goals)
Petr Hlavac -- Adirondack Flames

Dudley "Red" Garrett Memorial Award (Rookie of the Year)
Petr Hlavac -- Adirondack Flames

Eddie Shore Award (Best Defenseman)
Topi Aittokallio -- Lake Erie Monsters

Aldege "Baz" Bastien Memorial Award (Best Goaltender)
Igor Strelkov -- Adirondack Flames

Jack A. Butterfield Trophy (Playoff MVP)
Hugo Chavez -- Portland Pirates

Fred T. Hunt Memorial Award (Perserverence, Sportsmanship & Dedication to hockey)
Pavel Kozhanov -- Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins

Yanick Dupre Memorial Award (Community Involvement)
Tim Campbell -- Norfolk Admirals

Harry "Hap" Holmes Memorial Award (Goalie(s) on team with fewest Goals Against)
Igor Strelkov -- Adirondack Flames


Comments
ThinkTank wins the cup!
Felix is a Good Goalie
Chavez and Strelkov are AHL legends
Tampa Bay is basically the 1980s Oilers, without the Cups. I think they've won the President trophy for 5 straight years
Drouin and Stamkos are like Gretzky and Lemieux in this universe, except they are on the same team


http://tinyurl.com/NHL-Create-A-Goon-2015 for Complete Stats


Upcoming Free-Agents
CGY -- I. Strelkov (RFA)
CHI -- S. Samuelsson (RFA)
COL -- W. Van Steamsdyk (RFA)
CBJ -- R. Peters (RFA)
EDM -- E. Rutkowski (RFA)
NJD -- W. Clarkson (RFA)
OTT -- S. Satonaka (RFA)
OTT -- F. Stats (RFA)
TBL -- T. Delacour (RFA)
TOR -- E. Windros (RFA)
TOR -- A. Athanatos (RFA)
TOR -- F. Orphansbane (RFA)
VAN -- J. Helar (RFA)
WPG -- S. Saskatanov (RFA)

Fat Lowtax
Nov 9, 2008


"I'm willing to pay up to $1200 for a big anime titty"


Strelkov isn't stuck in the AHL, he's marinating.

ThinkTank
Oct 23, 2007

:toot:

Now start scoring again you dink

Pleads
Jun 9, 2005

pew pew pew


Goddamn, Winnipeg you perennial disappointments!

Athanatos
Jun 7, 2006

Est. 2000

Hockles posted:

James Norris Memorial Trophy (Best Defenseman)
Victor Hedman -- Tampa Bay Lightning

What is this happy horse poo poo.

I needed that Norris, it's my FA year.

CommaToes
Dec 15, 2006

Ecce Buffo
Felix is no 1

Kyrosiris
May 24, 2006

You try to be happy when everyone is summoning you everywhere to "be their friend".



Holy gently caress who poisoned me during the playoffs :cry:

Rutkowski
Apr 28, 2008

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS GUY?
Oh for gently caress's sake lose in game seven in the SCF? God drat it, get me out of this dump.

Anders
Nov 8, 2004

I'd rather score...

... but I'll grind it good for you
I cost NYR the Playoffs. :sigh:

checksin
Nov 23, 2006

I joined the new sensation, the #RXT REVOLUTION~!

:chillout:

he knows...
So close to Yokozuna gold :(

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

2022 Offseason News

Notable Retired Players
Dustin Brown
Ryan Suter
Ryan Kesler
Alexander Ovechkin
Corey Perry
Ryan Getzlaf
Alexander Steen
Thomas Vanek
Andrew Cogliano
Loui Eriksson
Brandon Dubinsky
Jack Johnson
Mason Raymond
Kris Versteeg
Andrej Sekera
Andrej Meszaros
Benoit Pouliot
Dave Bolland
Jiri Hudler
James Sheppard
Toby Enstrom
Brian Boyle
Darren Helm
Jeff Petry
Matt Read
Justin Braun
Mats Zuccarello
Leo Komarov
Brendan Smith
Alexei Emelin
Nick Holden
Jordie Benn
Henrik Lundqvist
Cam Ward
Ondrej Pavelec


Transaction News
CGY -- re-signed I. Strelkov to a $1mil/1yr contract
CHI -- re-signed S. Samuelsson to a $1mil/1yr contract
COL -- re-signed W. Van Steamsdyk to a $1.5mil/1yr contract
CBJ -- re-signed R. Peters to a $8.6mil/3yr contract
EDM -- re-signed E. Rutkowski to a $3.3mil/1yr contract
NJD -- re-signed W. Clarkson to a $2.8mil/2yr contract
OTT -- re-signed S. Satonaka to a $36.5mil/5yr contract
OTT -- re-signed F. Stats to a $2.7mil/1yr contract
TBL -- re-signed T. Delacour to a $1.8mil/1yr contract
TOR -- re-signed E. Windros to a $2.5mil/1yr contract
TOR -- re-signed A. Athanatos to a $16.3mil/3yr contract
TOR -- re-signed F. Orphansbane to a $26.6mil/3yr contract
VAN -- re-signed J. Helar to a $7.5mil/2yr contract
WPG -- re-signed S. Saskatanov to a $9.5mil/2yr contract

7/5/22 -- PIT gets: Andrew Kilza, 2023 2nd Round Pick, a prospect
7/5/22 -- SJS gets: Evgeni Malkin & Kris Letang

8/21/22 -- CGY gets: 2023 2nd Round Pick
8/21/22 -- OTT gets: Ivan Strelkov

9/1/22 -- BUF gets: Aaron Athanatos & William Nylander
9/1/22 -- TOR gets: Johan Larsson

DAL -- signed Tyler Myers (88 OVR) to a 3 year contract
EDM -- signed Riley Sheahan (83 OVR) to a 2 year contract
EDM -- signed Alex Dubeau (86 OVR) to a 3 year contract

7/27/22 -- NSH gets: Patric Hornqvist
7/27/22 -- PIT gets: 2023 2nd Round Pick & a prospect

8/6/22 -- EDM gets: Blake Wheeler
8/6/22 -- WPG gets: Alex Dubeau & 2023 2nd Round Pick


Top 10 Forward Salaries
  1. Jack Eichel -- $11.665mil
  2. Jonathan Droin -- $10.740mil
  3. Connor McDavid -- $10.625mil
  4. Ralph Waldo Picklechips -- $10.100mil
  5. Kerby Rychel -- $9.565mil
  6. John Tavares -- $9.510mil
  7. Fred Lemur -- $9.475mil
  8. Nathan MacKinnon -- $9.230mil
  9. Mika Zibanejad -- $9.185mil
  10. Tyler Seguin -- $9.080mil

Top 5 Defenseman Salaries
  1. Ryan McDonagh -- $11.030mil
  2. Victor Hedman -- $9.180mil
  3. Hockles -- $9.030mil
  4. Gustav Bouramman -- $8.790mil
  5. Potatoes O'Bourke -- $8.620mil

Top 5 Goalie Salaries
  1. Blade Mann-Dixon -- $9.410mil
  2. Bradley Van Schubert -- $9.215mil
  3. Trevor Martin -- $8.915mil
  4. Felix Orphansbane -- $8.865mil
  5. Jack Flinn -- $8.405mil

Huge Salaries in AHL
CHI -- Brent Seabrook (71 OVR) -- $5.2mil
STL -- Paul Stastny (78 OVR) -- $6.235mil
CBL -- Cody Porter (85 OVR) -- $3.685mil
NJD -- Cory Schneider (80 OVR) -- $4.935mil
WPG -- Alex Dubeau (86 OVR) -- $5.510mil


2022-23 Opening Night Info
ARZ -- F. Lemur -- Starting Center
ARZ -- H. Chavez -- Starting Goaltender in Portland (AHL)
BUF -- A. Athanatos -- 2nd D-Pairing
BUF -- Hockles -- Starting D-Pairing -- Alternate Captain
CGY -- T. Kingston Kid -- Starting Center
CHI -- S. Samuelsson -- 2nd Line Left Wing
CHI -- RC Cola -- Starting D-Pairing
COL -- W. Van Steamsdyk -- 3rd Line Right Wing
CBJ -- R. Peters -- 2nd Line Center
CBJ -- J. Longrod -- Starting D-Pairing -- Alternate Captain
EDM -- E. Rutkowski -- 3rd Line Right Wing
EDM -- R. McPhallus -- Starting D-Pairing
EDM -- Yokozuna -- Starting Goaltender
FLA -- P. Sanchez -- Starting Right Wing
LAK -- S. McStabson -- Starting Line Right Wing -- Alternate Captain
LAK -- B. Bitdiddle -- 2nd D-Pairing
MIN -- T. Crushinator -- Starting Right Wing -- Alternate Captain
MIN -- C. Buttworth -- Backup Goaltender
MTL -- C. Clemens -- 2nd Line Center
NSH -- L. Alger -- 2nd Line Left Wing
NSH -- Zip -- Starting Goaltender
NJD -- W. Clarkson -- 3rd Line Left Wing
NJD -- R. Picklechips -- Starting Right Wing -- Alternate Captain
NYR -- A. Robertson -- Starting Goaltender
OTT -- S. Satonaka -- Starting Left Wing
OTT -- F. Stats -- 3rd Line Right Wing
OTT -- I. Strelkov -- Backup Goaltender
PHI -- ThinkTank -- 2nd Line Left Wing
PIT -- A. Kilza -- Starting Goaltender
STL -- P. Wang -- 3rd Line Left Wing
TBL -- B. Banton -- 2nd Line Right Wing
TBL -- P. O'Bourke -- Starting D-Pairing
TBL -- T. Delacour -- Starting Goaltender
TOR -- E. Windros Jr -- 2nd Line Left Wing
TOR -- F. Orphansbane -- Starting Goaltender
VAN -- J. Helar -- Starting Left Wing
VAN -- M. O'Leary -- Starting D-Pairing -- Alternate Captain
WSH -- J. Hilder -- Starting Right Wing -- Alternate Captain
WSH -- S. Pepperdick -- Starting Goaltender
WPG -- S. Saskatanov -- Starting Right Wing
WPG -- L. Gallant -- 2nd D-Pairing


Line spreadsheet: http://bit.ly/1F3E8tc


Comments
SO MUCH IS HAPPENING
WPG traded for Alex Dubeau, after signing for starters money, and he's 3rd on the depth chart, and in the AHL

Kyrosiris
May 24, 2006

You try to be happy when everyone is summoning you everywhere to "be their friend".



Hockles posted:

2022 Offseason News

Notable Retired Players
Corey Perry
Ryan Getzlaf

God bless.

Also woo, starter job finally! :woop:

RC Cola
Aug 1, 2011

Dovie'andi se tovya sagain

Kyrosiris posted:

God bless.

Also woo, starter job finally! :woop:

Ditto. And Seabrook is in the ahl?

Kilza
Oct 4, 2013

Hockles posted:

2022 Offseason News
7/5/22 -- PIT gets: Andrew Kilza, 2023 2nd Round Pick, a prospect
7/5/22 -- SJS gets: Evgeni Malkin & Kris Letang

2022-23 Opening Night Info
PIT -- A. Kilza -- Starting Goaltender

:woop: :woop: :woop: :woop: :woop: FINALLY! Free at last! And a starter to boot! :woop: :woop: :woop: :woop: :woop:

Pleads
Jun 9, 2005

pew pew pew


gently caress you Josh Morrissey get the gently caress out the way, Gallant needs that start spot.

No wonder Winnipeg flames out in the post-season, buncha sucks up front.

Dubious
Mar 7, 2006

The Heroes the Vikings Deserve
Lipstick Apathy

Hockles posted:


MIN -- C. Buttworth -- Backup Goaltender


the dream is dead

Athanatos
Jun 7, 2006

Est. 2000
Oh holy poo poo. Lets do this Hockles.

Best D.

We need to get on a pair together.

JawKnee
Mar 24, 2007





You'll take the ride to leave this town along that yellow line
what the gently caress is going on with St. Louis' lines. How is Wang behind 83 OVR Oshie :mad:

at least they finally have a goalie with a fairly high OVR :getin:

Oglogoth
May 16, 2010

Daaaaarling~
When is Jersey going to see my true potential and give me that C? Or alternatively trade me to a team that can win a cup.

Stiev Awt
Mar 20, 2007


Andrew Kilza: worth Malkin and Letang :stare:

GET BETTER STRELKOV

e: holy poo poo first line winger

Stiev Awt fucked around with this message at 08:58 on Apr 20, 2015

THE MACHO MAN
Nov 15, 2007

...Carey...

draw me like one of your French Canadian girls
who the hell is Larsson that he's worth Athanatos and Nylander damnj

Bregor
May 31, 2013

People are idiots, Leslie.
Roddy was held to 6 points and a -15 in 26 playoff games as the Oilers lost the Stanley Cup Finals. :sigh:

So of course they promote him to top pairing next season. :woop:

E: Also,

Hockles posted:

2022 Offseason News

Notable Retired Players
Alexander Ovechkin

:smith:

Corsair Pool Boy
Dec 17, 2004
College Slice
Nooooooo, another year in Portland :(

.Spec
Oct 4, 2001

It's been cool that Chicago has been utterly awful the entire time since I've been up from the AHL. Then again I'm a 2nd line winger making $1million/year so I have to feel more upset with my agent.

a false
Mar 5, 2009

I DECIDE
WHO LIVES
AND WHO DIES
please put buju with drouin :(

Sharks Eat Bear
Dec 25, 2004

stupid galchenyuk needs to retire so clint clemens can set up patch on the 1L where he belonds :colbert:

Hockles
Dec 25, 2007

Resident of Camp Blood
Crystal Lake

Btw, I'm heading into two weeks of final projects and final exams for graduate school.

So, I'm going to hold off on updates until I'm done with those.

Just imagine your players are in perpetual dryland drills.

Slappy Pappy
Oct 15, 2003

Mighty, mighty eagle soaring free
Defender of our homes and liberty
Bravery, humility, and honesty...
Mighty, mighty eagle, rescue me!
Dinosaur Gum
Or imagine they play for the Los Angeles Kings.

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ThinkTank
Oct 23, 2007

Spamtron7000 posted:

Or imagine they play for the Los Angeles Kings.

A fate worse than death

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