Bertrand Hustle posted:

A teacher verbally chastised and humiliated my sister to the point of tears in the first grade and never faced any consequences. Then again, that was almost 20 years ago (holy poo poo).

SybilVimes posted:

Yeah, I had two teachers humiliate me in ways that would have been the end of their careers if they did it today (one would likely have faced jail time today too)

Noyemi K posted:

I had two teachers spitroast me and then marry me just a few months ago. They were both albert einstein. Everyone stood and clapped.

Noyemi K posted:

I had two teachers spitroast me and then marry me just a few months ago. They were both albert einstein. Everyone stood and clapped.

Fathis Munk posted:

Uh. As a non native speaker, can you use "to spit roast someone" in a non sexual way too? Because that seriously impacts the meaning of that post. I guess it also means to humiliate someone?

Leon Einstein posted:

Yeah, that post was serious.

Bertrand Hustle posted:

A teacher verbally chastised and humiliated my sister to the point of tears in the first grade and never faced any consequences. Then again, that was almost 20 years ago (holy poo poo).

Fathis Munk posted:

Uh. As a non native speaker, can you use "to spit roast someone" in a non sexual way too? Because that seriously impacts the meaning of that post. I guess it also means to humiliate someone?

Non Serviam posted:

Wtf happened?

quote:

Look here, old man, when I told you I AM Justice-I meant it. It took me about 1 month to study the history of the world and to learn the history and inner workings of American jurisprudence, literally. I was born to do this here. Don't you know that your FBI and CIA have been trying to recruit me since grade school? Lol. But they're unscrupulous losers like you, so it won't be happening.

A Fancy 400 lbs posted:

This court filing is real, but the content is the greatest STDH ever: http://www.scribd.com/doc/262792039/gently caress-This-Court

A Fancy 400 lbs posted:

This court filing is real, but the content is the greatest STDH ever: http://www.scribd.com/doc/262792039/gently caress-This-Court

a lunatic posted:

F*ck you, old man. You're a joke. Your court's a joke. You take it up the a*s; and you suck nuts. Lol.

Solomonic posted:

It's as if Curtis got slapped by another white teacher

razorrozar posted:

Does anyone have a link to that thread?

Minarchist posted:

Curtis has a million dollar face! Give me 250 thousand dollars in damages

walrusman posted:

Choice quotes or a summary for those of us without archives?

edit: I should just buy archives so I can read that thread about the crazy Asian gang drug cage whore prodigy etc.

loving kitchenette posted:

My mom and my stepdad were having dinner at a popular chain restaurant that rhymes with “Crapplebees.” (Editor’s Note: Oh for gently caress’s sake) My mom (who had the flu) had just been released from the hospital and was not exactly feeling or looking her best. She was starving, and this restaurant was close by. A young waiter seats them at a booth and takes their drink orders. My mom heads to the restroom to wash her hands.

Now, my stepdad is 50, but looks like he’s 30. My mom is also 50 and normally looks 30, but like I said, she just got out of the freaking hospital. The young waiter brings the drinks to the table (keep in mind, my mom is still in the restroom). The waiter says to my stepdad, “Oh, I saw that you’re having dinner with your mom. That’s great!”

My stepdad glares at him and says, “That’s my wife, not my mom. And she just got out of the hospital.”

The waiter laughs and says, “Oh, man! I totally thought she was your mom, since, you know, she looks so much older than you.” At this point my stepdad facepalms and tells him to please leave the table. My mom returns as my stepdad is encouraging the waiter to leave, and she asks what’s going on.

The waiter tells her, “I thought you were his mom! I mean, your dude looks super young. And let’s face it, women just don’t age as well as men, am I right, bro?” He looks at my stepdad and winks. My stepdad looks as if he’s going to punch the poor kid in the face. The waiter then goes on a long rant about how older women just wear their years harder than men, and that’s just a fact of life. My folks interrupt him mid-diatribe and ask to see a manager.

When the manager arrived, she was absolutely mortified. She comped their drinks and assured them the waiter would be “educated in appropriate small talk” with customers in the future.

quote:

Music With A Beautiful Ending
MUSIC STORE | NM, USA | CRIMINAL/ILLEGAL, LIARS & SCAMMERS, MUSICAL MAYHEM
(I’m a teenage girl and interning at the local music store my dad works at. As he is also a musician, he has many instruments (guitars, basses, drums, etc.) that he will occasionally leave in his car overnight. The night before this happens a guitar was stolen from his car. My dad describes it, and tells me to be on the lookout for it. As luck would have it, the thief brings it in to try to sell.)

Thief: “I was wondering how much I could get for this guitar.”

(I recognize the guitar.)

Me: “Of course. Let me just look it up.”

Thief: “Just hurry up. I’m really busy.”

Me: “I’m having some trouble finding it. Let me just grab my dad. He knows more about this stuff.”

(After I explain everything to him, my dad leads me back to the register.)

Dad: “Sorry about that, sir. What did you want to do with this guitar?”

Thief: “I wanted to know how much I could get for it.”

Dad: *pretending to look something up* “Funny thing, that guitar is coming up as stolen.”

Thief: *goes white* “That’s insane, my best friend gave this to me last night!”

Dad: “Well, he can’t be a very good friend if you’re already trying to sell it.”

Thief: “You’re crazy, man. I just want to sell this guitar.”

Dad: “[My Name], go in the back and call the cops, would you?”

(Before I could do anything the thief abandoned everything and ran out the door. My dad’s coworker called the cops, and they picked up the thief a few blocks away. The best part was that my dad got his fairly expensive guitar back!)

bringmyfishback posted:

dijon du jour posted:

"shit_that_didnt_happen.txt: Editor's Note: Oh for gently caress's sake"

quote:

I worked at a pizza place chain in high school known for its cheapness (hint: pizza, pizza) (Editor’s Note: Why do you guys keep doing this?).

quote:

I usually have the worst service at the big chain restaurants like Bison Feral Appendages, Pepper Pods, Italian Flatbread Shanty, and of cours[sic] the Blue Crustacean, though nothing beats that last story from Cow Milk Monarchess.

This is totally how weed works, right? posted:

Sitting at the bus stop, knowing that I just missed the only bus to service this area, I remembered I had a joint in my ciggie box. Thinking that the bus would take another half hour at least, I lit up. By the time the bus arrived (20 mins.), I was already light headed and tingly all over. So I got on, walked to the back of the bus and sat in the middle seat of the last row. There was no one else in the bus except for an old couple sitting 4-5 rows from the back, and an 8/10 qtpie sitting on the second last row (in front of me, to my left).

A couple of minutes in I noticed the qtpie's phone screen was unlocked and I could clearly see her wallpaper, a girl in a bikini in a very sexy pose. I assumed that the person in the photo was her, and that led to a 5 second fantasy of this qtpie naked. What cut this fantasy short was when the qtpie turned her head abruptly and locked her phone, seeming angry/annoyed.

Now the paranoia kicked in and I automatically assumed she was annoyed or creeped out by me, and for some God forsaken reason, I came to the conclusion that she could read minds and was creeped out by my brief fantasy of banging her on a beach under a coconut tree. Then I remembered some posts along the lines of "When I'm out in public I sometimes think 'I know you're listening' to freak out the mind readers.'" I was high, so it seemed plausible. What have I got to lose, I thought to myself, followed by me 'thinking' things like "I know you can hear me, I know you're creeped out by me, but you're cute and I won't lie about wanting to bang you.".

I use 'thinking' because with my earplugs in, Daft Punk blasting through, and the marijuana tingliness, I had somehow whispered it very loudly, adding to the creepiness of the whole thing. Loud enough for everyone on the bus to hear. The old lady turned around and shouted at me, calling me a horrible pervert and the qtpie got up and moved to the front of the bus.

I think I'm walking to class from now on.

Minarchist posted:

https://encyclopediadramatica.se/index.php?title=Curtis_Got_Slapped_By_A_White_Teacher!

Here's the ED article on it, covers all the bases and has the scanned pages of the letter.

quote:

California girl abruptly dumps boyfriend, then begs him back after he wins $362,259 from online game

A lovesick California man dumped by his girlfriend of four years, was browsing the web when he came across an offer he could not refuse. Bingo Hall, a brand new online casino, was offering new players $25 free (with no credit card or deposit required) for a chance to win a progressive jackpot of over half a million dollars ($500,000.00)

Carl Matthews, 26, from California had just lost his job, and had incurred over $9,300 of credit card bills he could not afford to pay back. Just when he thought his situation could not get any worse, his beloved girlfriend, Amy Parkinson, decided to call it quits.

Amy admits, "I was just over his lack of motivation. Carl was the sweetest guy, but was in a never-ending hole. My girlfriends would continuously tell me that I needed someone with drive, who could look after me financially and I just never saw Carl being that person."

Little did Amy know, Carls life was about to dramatically change. Those $25 free dollars that initially aroused his interest ended up multiplying for him over 10,000 times. After spinning for 14 minutes, Carl won a progressive Jackpot on the Bingo Hall game "The Posh Life". Soon, he received a massive sum of $362,259.00 in his bank account.

"I was at an absolute loss of words. I could not believe I had just won all of this money, all from one lucky spin. My life was in the slums and this was just what I needed to get me back on track. God is clearly on my side. I am beyond excited to restart my life with this new found wealth" Matthews reported when describing his reaction to this massive win.

The story was soon after picked up by local newspaper, The West California. Amy, who receives this paper daily immediately saw her ex-boyfriend on the cover. Her feelings towards Carl quickly changed. "She started calling, texting, emailing, saying she wanted to give it another go. Saying she wanted to make it work. That she loved me, she missed me, she couldn't imagine life without me," Carl reported.

Carl currently remains single. Amy remains persistent in giving their relationship another go.

Khazar-khum posted:

Musicman.

SybilVimes posted:

Something eerily similar to this happened at (one of) my local guitar shop when I was at college in the 80s, so I can believe it *could* happen (in the case of the place I'm thinking about, it was all documented by the local paper, from the mid-night break-in to the idiots trying to sell the guitars back to the shop, and the police being called to arrest them).

Criminals are generally pretty dumb.

Drunk Tomato posted:

Also any musician who leaves instruments in his car overnight is a huge idiot and deserves to have everything stolen from him, and his house burned down, and his dog shot

walrusman posted:

Choice quotes or a summary for those of us without archives?

edit: I should just buy archives so I can read that thread about the crazy Asian gang drug cage whore prodigy etc.

Zaphod42 posted:

That page lead me to what is clearly an ad disguised as a news story, and its some serious STDH

(Note: Clickbait ad for gambling website disguised as news story)

http://www.efoxnews.net/bh/1/index....=EDIT&id=191098


Gold diggers amirite fellas?

Sentient Data posted:

When I opened the thread and saw it consisted of images of a document I was going to just past OP's images here, but then I saw it was more than 40 pages. Here's one at least

Khazar-khum posted:

But did Curtis Bowen ever get $250,000 in silver and free WalMart?

Fathis Munk posted:

Of course, he then grew up to become Obama and marry Einstein (Michelle is just their cover, duh).

Khazar-khum posted:

But did Curtis Bowen ever get $250,000 in silver and free WalMart?

eyeroll.jpg posted:

Everyone saying I should pay them more .... I have gotten into very lengthy conversations with them many times. They get $1200 a month in assistance as well as access to many community outreach programs. I have even helped one of them try to get a job as a dish washer at a restaurant but he didn't last. One of my co worker's girlfriend who went to a beauty academy offered to give them a hair cut, shave and a shower if they have any job interviews ... not only that but they do it because they appreciate that we are one of the few businesses that treats them like human beings ... The dollar is for a cup of coffee. Get off your high horses.