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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 17, 2024 20:22
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- Nyaa
- Jan 7, 2010
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Like, Nyaa.
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Keep going, hat. Don't stop.
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Apr 17, 2015 12:51
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- Krotera
- Jun 16, 2013
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I AM INTO MATHEMATICAL CALCULATIONS AND MANY METHODS USED IN THE STOCK MARKET
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I take back my upset, hat is cool and Yud is cool for the moment at least.
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Apr 17, 2015 21:19
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- Krotera
- Jun 16, 2013
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I AM INTO MATHEMATICAL CALCULATIONS AND MANY METHODS USED IN THE STOCK MARKET
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All I really want out of this fic is for Harry to get poo poo on and for Harry to stay LessWrong enough to be worth making GBS threads on because otherwise it won't be funny.
Yud and I are on the same side so long as that's what he wants, but unfortunately he only seems interested in doing it for fleeting moments. I think he's making the mistake of assuming Harry is remotely sympathetic, but I can't be sure.
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Apr 17, 2015 22:52
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- petrol blue
- Feb 9, 2013
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sugar and spice
and
ethanol slammers
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Is there a parallel to Rule 34 for 'lulironic fanfic exists of it', or is that just assumed under 34?
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Apr 18, 2015 01:39
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- i81icu812
- Dec 5, 2006
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All I really want out of this fic is for Harry to get poo poo on and for Harry to stay LessWrong enough to be worth making GBS threads on because otherwise it won't be funny.
Yud and I are on the same side so long as that's what he wants, but unfortunately he only seems interested in doing it for fleeting moments. I think he's making the mistake of assuming Harry is remotely sympathetic, but I can't be sure.
HPMoR is fundamentally a rambling and incoherent mountain of words, posted serially to fanficiton.net over the course of several years without the benefit of editing. Who knows what Yud is thinking as he writes any one chapter, he's probably thinking something completely different a few chapters down the line.
The hat in this chapter is a stand-in for the LessWrong super-intelligent AI, complete with the 'strange goals' analogy lifted from Yud's blog posts about paperclip maximizing AI.
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Apr 19, 2015 05:47
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- Pavlov
- Oct 21, 2012
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I've long been fascinated with how the alt-right develops elaborate and obscure dog whistles to try to communicate their meaning without having to say it out loud
Stepan Andreyevich Bandera being the most prominent example of that
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HPMoR is fundamentally a rambling and incoherent mountain of words, posted serially to fanficiton.net over the course of several years without the benefit of editing. Who knows what Yud is thinking as he writes any one chapter, he's probably thinking something completely different a few chapters down the line.
The hat in this chapter is a stand-in for the LessWrong super-intelligent AI, complete with the 'strange goals' analogy lifted from Yud's blog posts about paperclip maximizing AI.
At least Yudkowsky understands that if such an AI existed, it would not like Harriezer, and by extension Yudkowsky himself.
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Apr 19, 2015 05:54
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- Vateke
- Jun 29, 2010
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Until recently, I was a pretty big fan of MoR. Then I found this thread and read that guy's blog that went through ti chapter by chapter. It opened my eyes to a lot of the lovely stuff rampant throughout the story. I still think it has some pretty good moments, and Yud has decent writing ability, but, uh, yeah. I'm not as big of a fan as I was.
Then I binge read Harry Potter and the Natural 20, and I'm really hoping I'm not making the same mistake, because I freaking love it. It has one particular parallel to MoR that I found interesting. Milo (the D&D character) shares a trait with "rational" Harry: They both refer to unimportant people as "NPCs". However, Milo comes about it from a much less arrogant background (coming from a world where that's just literally how things work). And, more importantly, he has actual character development and gradually stops acting like the world solely exists for him to exploit. Whereas, after reading MoR, I can't think of any way in which Harry significantly grew, except for him explicitly saying he's learned a lesson somehow without actually demonstrating it.
Also, the central premise (character that functions according to D&D3.5 is stuck in Harry Potter land) actually pays off continually and in a satisfying way. The premise for MoR (apply science to magic!) barely pays off at all, and is basically dropped after only a handful of experiments.
Vateke fucked around with this message at 03:41 on Apr 20, 2015
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Apr 20, 2015 03:34
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- Pavlov
- Oct 21, 2012
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I've long been fascinated with how the alt-right develops elaborate and obscure dog whistles to try to communicate their meaning without having to say it out loud
Stepan Andreyevich Bandera being the most prominent example of that
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Until recently, I was a pretty big fan of MoR. Then I found this thread and read that guy's blog that went through ti chapter by chapter. It opened my eyes to a lot of the lovely stuff rampant throughout the story. I still think it has some pretty good moments, and Yud has decent writing ability, but, uh, yeah. I'm not as big of a fan as I was.
I learned about Yudkowsky from a shallow but inoffensive talk of his about AI posted on youtube. I searched the guy and read that he apparently wrote a fanfiction as a thinly veiled metaphor for his philosophy of AI. Thinking that was pretty funny, I read through what there was of HPMOR at the time and honestly didn't find it awful. If you just turn off your brain and go for the ride, its passable. At least, it is for the first part of it. But after learning all the silly poo poo about Yudkowsky from the Less Wrong mock thread (RIP), I can't help but see all of his dumb opinions and unrestrained arrogance poking through at every point. It's like going back and rereading Lovecraft after learning that even by 1920s standards he would have been considered racist, so all the bits you might have glossed over as 'ignorance of the time' suddenly get so much harder to ignore.
I hope you forgive me though, if I feel like I've read enough Harry Potter fanfiction for one lifetime.
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Apr 20, 2015 04:08
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- DACK FAYDEN
- Feb 25, 2013
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Bear Witness
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Until recently, I was a pretty big fan of MoR. Then I found this thread and read that guy's blog that went through ti chapter by chapter. It opened my eyes to a lot of the lovely stuff rampant throughout the story. I still think it has some pretty good moments, and Yud has decent writing ability, but, uh, yeah. I'm not as big of a fan as I was.
Then I binge read Harry Potter and the Natural 20, and I'm really hoping I'm not making the same mistake, because I freaking love it. It has one particular parallel to MoR that I found interesting. Milo (the D&D character) shares a trait with "rational" Harry: They both refer to unimportant people as "NPCs". However, Milo comes about it from a much less arrogant background (coming from a world where that's just literally how things work). And, more importantly, he has actual character development and gradually stops acting like the world solely exists for him to exploit. Whereas, after reading MoR, I can't think of any way in which Harry significantly grew, except for him explicitly saying he's learned a lesson somehow without actually demonstrating it.
Also, the central premise (character that functions according to D&D3.5 is stuck in Harry Potter land) actually pays off continually and in a satisfying way. The premise for MoR (apply science to magic!) barely pays off at all, and is basically dropped after only a handful of experiments.
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Apr 20, 2015 18:33
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- JosephWongKS
- Apr 4, 2009
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by Nyc_Tattoo
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Chapter 10: Self Awareness, Part II
Part 6
quote:
The answer to this was something that Harry would not regularly have said out loud, in conversation he would have danced around it and found some more socially palatable arguments to the same conclusion -
"You think that you are potentially the greatest who has yet lived, the strongest servant of the Light, that no other is likely to take up your wand if you lay it down."
Well... yeah, frankly. I don't usually come out and say it like that, but yeah. No point in softening it, you can read my mind anyway.
"To the extent you really believe that... you must equally believe that you could be the most terrible Dark Lord the world has ever known."
Destruction is always easier than creation. Easier to tear things apart, to disrupt, than to put them back together again. If I have the potential to accomplish good on a massive scale, I must also have the potential to accomplish still greater evil... But I won't do that.
See i81icu812‘s post here for a comprehensive rebuttal to Eliezarry’s assertion that “[he] won’t do that”.
quote:
"Already you insist on risking it! Why are you so driven? What is the real reason you must not go to Hufflepuff and be happier there? What is your true fear?"
I must achieve my full potential. If I don't I... fail...
If Eliezarry “must achieve [his] full potential”, why is he content to be “lazy” and to “hate hard work in all its forms”? How does he think he’ll achieve his potential without putting in any effort?
quote:
"What happens if you fail?"
Something terrible...
"What happens if you fail?"
I don't know!
"Then it should not be frightening. What happens if you fail?"
I DON'T KNOW! BUT I KNOW THAT IT'S BAD!
There was silence for a moment in the caverns of Harry's mind.
"You know - you aren't letting yourself think it, but in some quiet corner of your mind you know just exactly what you aren't thinking - you know that by far the simplest explanation for this unverbalisable fear of yours is just the fear of losing your fantasy of greatness, of disappointing the people who believe in you, of turning out to be pretty much ordinary, of flashing and fading like so many other child prodigies..."
That’s assuming that Eliezarry is a child prodigy. What has he actually done so far, other than read a lot of books?
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Apr 24, 2015 08:52
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- Arcturas
- Mar 30, 2011
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Things Eliezarry has done:
Emotionally manipulate adults by threatening bad behavior
Bully vulnerable children
Play practical jokes on other kids to feel superior to them
"Teach" other kids by berating them
Think he's smarter than he is
Read lots of books that tell him he's smart
Brag constantly
I'm sure all of that makes him super unique...
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Apr 24, 2015 17:27
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- RaspberrySea
- Nov 29, 2004
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When are they going to get to the fireworks factory?!
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Apr 25, 2015 13:25
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- JosephWongKS
- Apr 4, 2009
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by Nyc_Tattoo
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Chapter 10: Self Awareness, Part II
Part 7
quote:
No, Harry thought desperately, no, it's something more, it comes from somewhere else, I know there's something out there to be afraid of, some disaster I have to stop...
"How could you possibly know about something like that?"
Harry screamed it with the full power of his mind: NO, AND THAT'S FINAL!
Then the voice of the Sorting Hat came slowly:
"So you will risk becoming a Dark Lord, because the alternative, to you, is certain failure, and that failure means the loss of everything. You believe that in your heart of hearts. You know all the reasons for doubting this belief, and they have failed to move you."
Yes. And even if going to Ravenclaw strengthens the coldness, that doesn't mean the coldness will win in the end.
"This day is a great fork in your destiny. Don't be so sure that there will be other choices beyond this one. There is no road-sign set, to mark the place of your[/i] last chance to turn back. If you refuse one chance will you not refuse others? It may be that your fate is already sealed, even by doing this one thing."
But that is not certain.
"That you do not know it for a certainty may reflect only your own ignorance."
But still it is not certain.
Just how long has Eliezarry been spending in this self-indulgent quasi-monologue with the Hat? The other students must be starving by now.
quote:
The Hat sighed a terrible sad sigh.
"And so before too long you will become another memory, to be felt and never known, in the next warning that I give..."
If that's how it seems to you, then why aren't you just putting me where you want me to go?
The Hat's thought was laced with sorrow. "I can only put you where you belong. And only your own decisions can change where you belong."
Then this is done. Send me to Ravenclaw where I belong, with the others of my own kind.
"I don't suppose you would consider Gryffindor? It's the most prestigious House - people probably expect it of you, even - they'll be a little disappointed if you don't go - and your new friends the Weasley twins are there -"
Harry giggled, or felt the impulse to do so; it came out as purely mental laughter, an odd sensation. Apparently there were safeguards to prevent you from saying anything out loud by accident, while you were under the Hat talking about things you would never tell another soul for the rest of your life.
After a moment, Harry heard the Hat laughing too, a strange sad clothy sound.
(And in the Hall beyond, a silence that had grown shallower at first as the background whispers increased, and then deepened as the whispers gave up and died away, falling finally into an utter silence that no one dared disturb with a single word, as Harry stayed under the Hat for long, long minutes, longer than all the previous first-years put together, longer than anyone in living memory. At the Head Table, Dumbledore went on smiling benignly; small metallic sounds occasionally came from Snape's direction as he idly compacted the twisted remains of what had once been a heavy silver wine goblet; and Minerva McGonagall clenched the podium in a white-knuckled grip, knowing that Harry Potter's contagious chaos had somehow infected the Sorting Hat itself and the Hat was about to, to demand that a whole new House of Doom be created just to accomodate Harry Potter or something, and Dumbledore would make her do it...)
That’s a good idea, actually. They should stick Eliezarry in his own one-man House so he can’t annoy or contaminate the other students.
quote:
Beneath the brim of the Hat, the silent laughter died away. Harry felt sad too for some reason. No, not Gryffindor.
Professor McGonagall said that if 'the one who did the Sorting' tried to push me into Gryffindor, I was to remind you that she might well be Headmistress someday, at which point she would have the authority to set you on fire.
"Tell her I called her an impudent youngster and told her to get off my lawn."
I shall. So was this your strangest conversation ever?
"Not even close." The Hat's telepathic voice grew heavy. "Well, I gave you every possible chance to make another decision. Now it is time for you to go where you belong, with the others of your own kind."
There was a pause that stretched.
What are you waiting for?
"I was hoping for a moment of horrified realisation, actually. Self-awareness does seem to enhance my sense of humor."
Huh? Harry cast back his thoughts, trying to figure out what the Hat could possibly be talking about - and then, suddenly, he realised. He couldn't believe he'd managed to overlook it up until this point.
You mean my horrified realisation that you're going to cease to be conscious once you finish Sorting me –
Somehow, in some fashion Harry entirely failed to understand, he got a nonverbal impression of a hat banging its head against the wall. "I give up. You're too slow on the uptake for this to be funny. So blinded by your own assumptions that you might as well be a rock. I suppose I'll just have to say it outright."
”Blinded by [his] own assumptions” is a nigh-perfect summation of Eliezarry.
quote:
Too s-s-slow -
"Oh, and you entirely forgot to demand the secrets of the lost magic that created me. And they were such wonderful, important secrets, too."
You sly little BASTARD -
"You deserved it, and this as well."
Harry saw it coming just as it was already too late.
The frightened silence of the hall was broken by a single word.
"SLYTHERIN!"
Some students screamed, the pent-up tension was so great. People startled hard enough to fall off their benches. Hagrid gasped in horror, McGonagall staggered at the podium, and Snape dropped the remains of his heavy silver goblet directly onto his groin.
Harry sat there frozen, his life in ruins, feeling the absolute fool, and wishing wretchedly that he had made any other choices for any other reasons but the ones he had. That he had done something, anything differently before it had been too late to turn back.
As the first moment of shock was wearing off and people began to react to the news, the Sorting Hat spoke again:
"Just kidding! RAVENCLAW!"
Awww. I wish the Hat had put Eliezarry in Hufflepuff.
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Apr 27, 2015 04:07
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- Bobbin Threadbare
- Jan 2, 2009
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I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.
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In the books, when Harry asked the Sorting Hat why it put him in Griffindor, its response was basically, "Because you told me you didn't want to be in Slytherin." Essentially, the sorting was not about where you deserved to go so much as where you wanted to go, just with the assistance of some magical mind-consultation.
In this case, however, the Sorting Hat is babbling some nonsense about how free choices create predestination which is why you belong where you belong and how that justifies trolling the kid at a ceremony where no one would consider the trolling funny.
I'm kind of torn by this ending. On the one hand, if the hat had any real insight and kept to the philosophy it was spouting it would have stuck with Slytherin, but if it was going to go along with the book's version where it's more advisor than king-maker then it should have gone with Ravenclaw straight away and spared us the pointless debating.
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Apr 27, 2015 06:13
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- Transcendent
- Jun 24, 2002
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In the books, when Harry asked the Sorting Hat why it put him in Griffindor, its response was basically, "Because you told me you didn't want to be in Slytherin." Essentially, the sorting was not about where you deserved to go so much as where you wanted to go, just with the assistance of some magical mind-consultation.
In this case, however, the Sorting Hat is babbling some nonsense about how free choices create predestination which is why you belong where you belong and how that justifies trolling the kid at a ceremony where no one would consider the trolling funny.
I'm kind of torn by this ending. On the one hand, if the hat had any real insight and kept to the philosophy it was spouting it would have stuck with Slytherin, but if it was going to go along with the book's version where it's more advisor than king-maker then it should have gone with Ravenclaw straight away and spared us the pointless debating.
If I recall correctly [hat spoilers] it's later revealed/heavily implied that Dumbledore used magic to do the "just kidding!" bit, and the hat remains the best character in the entire fan fic.
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Apr 27, 2015 06:27
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- reignonyourparade
- Nov 15, 2012
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In the books, when Harry asked the Sorting Hat why it put him in Griffindor, its response was basically, "Because you told me you didn't want to be in Slytherin." Essentially, the sorting was not about where you deserved to go so much as where you wanted to go, just with the assistance of some magical mind-consultation.
I don't think that takeaway of that was intended to be "it's all about where you want to go" as it is that where you want to go is taken into consideration.
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Apr 27, 2015 11:26
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- JosephWongKS
- Apr 4, 2009
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by Nyc_Tattoo
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Chapter 11
Omake Files 1
quote:
Hail the Dark Lord Rowling.
"Omake" is a non-canonical extra.
If you are writing an English-language story and there are perfectly serviceable English words for the Japanese term, why not just use the English words?
And more importantly, did he actually go off and write fanfiction of his own fanfiction? How self-indulgent do you have to be to do that?
quote:
OMAKE FILES #1: 72 Hours to Victory
(A.k.a. "What Happens If You Change Harry But Leave All Other Characters Constant")
Dumbledore peered over his desk at young Harry, twinkling in a kindly sort of way. The boy had come to him with a terribly intense look on his childish face - Dumbledore hoped that whatever this matter was, it wasn't too serious. Harry was far too young for his life trials to be starting already. "What was it you wished to speak to me about, Harry?"
Harry James Potter-Evans-Verres leaned forward in his chair, smiling grimly. "Headmaster, I got a sharp pain in my scar during the Sorting Feast. Considering how and where I got this scar, it didn't seem like the sort of thing I should just ignore. I thought at first it was because of Professor Snape, but I followed the Baconian experimental method which is to find the conditions for both the presence and the absence of the phenomenon, and I've determined that my scar hurts if and only if I'm facing the back of Professor Quirrell's head, whatever's under his turban. While it could be something more innocuous, I think we should provisionally assume the worst, that it's You-Know-Who - wait, don't look so horrified, this is actually a priceless opportunity -"
If this is “non-canonical” in relation to HPMOR, this means that in the “main” HPMOR story, Quirrell isn’t a servant of Voldemort or at the least isn’t carrying Voldemort around on his head. Is this the “big secret” of the story?
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Apr 28, 2015 03:28
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- Doctor Spaceman
- Jul 6, 2010
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"Everyone's entitled to their point of view, but that's seriously a weird one."
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If this is “non-canonical” in relation to HPMOR, this means that in the “main” HPMOR story, Quirrell isn’t a servant of Voldemort or at the least isn’t carrying Voldemort around on his head. Is this the “big secret” of the story?
Also get used to omakes.
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Apr 28, 2015 03:59
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- Tehan
- Jan 19, 2011
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If you are writing an English-language story and there are perfectly serviceable English words for the Japanese term, why not just use the English words?
And more importantly, did he actually go off and write fanfiction of his own fanfiction? How self-indulgent do you have to be to do that?
It's a manga thing that got adopted by the fanfiction community, probably through one of the manga fandoms - Ranma 1/2 was huge back in the day, and I think Naruto still is. Can't really pin this one on Yud.
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Apr 28, 2015 05:04
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- JosephWongKS
- Apr 4, 2009
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by Nyc_Tattoo
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Chapter 11
Omake Files 2
quote:
OMAKE FILES #2: I Ain't Afraid of Dark Lords
This was the original version of Chapter 9. It was replaced because - while many readers did enjoy it - many other readers had massive allergies to songs in fanfics, for reasons that should not much need belaboring. I didn't want to drive readers away before they got to Ch. 10.
Lee Jordan is the fellow prankster of Fred and George (in canon). "Lee Jordan" had sounded like a Muggleborn name to me, implying that he would be capable of instructing Fred and George on a tune that Harry would know. This was not as obvious to some readers as it was to your author.
__________________________________________________________________
Draco went to Slytherin, and Harry breathed a small sigh of relief. It had seemed like a sure thing, but you never did know what tiny event might upset the course of your master plan.
They were approaching the Ps now...
And over at the Gryffindor table, there was a whispered conversation.
"What if he doesn't like it?"
"He's got no right to not like it -
"- not after the prank he played on -"
"- Neville Longbottom, his name was -"
"- he's as fair a fair target now as fair can be."
"All right. Just make sure you don't forget your parts."
"We've rehearsed it often enough -"
"- over the last three hours."
And Minerva McGonagall, from where she stood at the speaker's podium of the Head Table, looked down at the next name on her list. Please don't let him be a Gryffindor please don't let him be a Gryffindor OH PLEASE don't let him be a Gryffindor... She took a deep breath, and called:
"Potter, Harry!"
There was a sudden silence in the hall as all whispered conversation stopped.
A silence broken by a horrible buzzing noise that modulated and changed in hideous mockery of musical melody.
Minerva's head jerked around, shocked, and identified the buzzing noise as coming from the Gryffindor direction, where They were standing on top of the table blowing into some kind of tiny devices held against Their lips. Her hand started to drop to her wand, to Silencio the lot of Them, but another sound stopped her.
Dumbledore was chuckling.
Minerva's eyes went back to Harry Potter, who had only just started to step out of line before he'd stumbled and halted.
Then the young boy began to walk again, moving his legs in odd sweeping motions, and waving his arms back and forth and snapping his fingers, in synchrony with Their music.
To the tune of "Ghostbusters"
(As performed on the kazoo by Fred and George Weasley,
and sung by Lee Jordan.)
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There's a Dark Lord near?
Got no need to fear
Who you gonna call?
"HARRY POTTER!" shouted Lee Jordan, and the Weasley twins performed a triumphant chorus.
With a Killing Curse?
Well it could be worse.
Who you gonna call?
"HARRY POTTER!" There were a lot more voices shouting it this time.
The Weasley Horrors went off into an extended wailing, now accompanied by some of the older Muggleborns, who had produced their own tiny devices, Transfigured out of the school silverware no doubt. As their music reached its anticlimax, Harry Potter shouted:
I ain't afraid of Dark Lords!
There was cheering then, especially from the Gryffindor table, and more students produced their own antimusical instruments. The hideous buzzings redoubled in volume and built to another awful crescendo:
I ain't afraid of Dark Lords!
Minerva glanced to both sides of the Head Table, afraid to look but with all too good a notion of what she would see.
Trelawney frantically fanning herself, Flitwick looking on with curiosity, Hagrid clapping along to the music, Sprout looking severe, and Quirrell gazing at the boy with sardonic amusement. Directly to her left, Dumbledore humming along; and directly to her right, Snape gripping his empty wine goblet, white-knuckled, so hard that the thick silver was slowly deforming.
Dark robes and a mask?
Impossible task?
Who you gonna call?
HARRY POTTER!
Giant Fire-Ape?
Old bat in a cape?
Who you gonna call?
HARRY POTTER!
Minerva's lips set in a white line. She would have words with Them about that last verse, if They thought she was powerless because it was the first day of school and Gryffindor had no points to take away. If They didn't care about detentions then she would find something else.
Then, with a sudden gasp of horror, she looked in Snape's direction, surely he realised the Potter boy must have no idea who that was talking about -
Snape's face had gone beyond rage into a kind of pleasant indifference. A faint smile played about his lips. He was looking in the direction of Harry Potter, not the Gryffindor table, and his hands held the crumpled remains of a former wine goblet...
And Harry walked forwards, sweeping his arms and legs through the motions of the Ghostbusters dance, keeping a smile on his face. It was a great setup, had caught him completely by surprise. The least he could do was play along and not ruin it all.
Everyone was cheering him. It made him feel all warm inside and sort of awful at the same time.
They were cheering him for a job he'd done when he was one year old. A job he hadn't really finished. Somewhere, somehow, the Dark Lord was still alive. Would they have been cheering quite so hard, if they knew that?
But the Dark Lord's power had been broken once.
And Harry would protect them again. If there was in fact a prophecy and that was what it said. Well, actually regardless of what any darn prophecy said.
All those people believing in him and cheering him - Harry couldn't stand to let that be false. To flash and fade like so many other child prodigies. To be a disappointment. To fail to live up to his reputation as a symbol of the Light, never mind how he'd gotten it. He would absolutely, positively, no matter how long it took and even if it killed him, fulfill their expectations. And then go on to exceed those expectations, so that people wondered, looking back, that they had once asked so little of him.
And he shouted out the lie that he'd invented because it scanned well and the song called for it:
I ain't afraid of Dark Lords!
I ain't afraid of Dark Lords!
Harry took his last steps toward the Sorting Hat as the music ended. He swept a bow to the Order of Chaos at the Gryffindor table, and then turned and swept another bow to the other side of the hall, and waited for the applause and giggling to die away...
Posted without comment.
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Apr 28, 2015 09:16
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- HIJK
- Nov 25, 2012
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in the room where you sleep
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Ah yes, there's the Ghostbusters bit. That made me laugh back in the day.
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Apr 28, 2015 17:35
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- Rosalie_A
- Oct 30, 2011
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Oh. So he's a weeaboo in addition to everything else.
To be fair, that's like being convicted as a mass serial killer and then being found out as a jaywalker.
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Apr 28, 2015 19:23
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- Doctor Spaceman
- Jul 6, 2010
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"Everyone's entitled to their point of view, but that's seriously a weird one."
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I mostly skipped over these 'chapters', but there was exactly one of the omake things I legitimately liked. It was a spoof on Harriezer as Neo in The Matrix, right after the red pill scene, and went kind of like:
"What! Humans would be a horrible power source! Don't these machines even know the basic laws of physics?"
"And where did you learn about physics Neo?"
"In... the Matrix. gently caress."
Also I'm pretty sure these were all written by other people and Yud just stuck them in somewhere.
Yeah, that was a straight up good joke.
Oh. So he's a weeaboo in addition to everything else.
Dear god yes.
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Apr 28, 2015 23:23
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- JosephWongKS
- Apr 4, 2009
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by Nyc_Tattoo
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Chapter 11
Omake Files 3
quote:
OMAKE FILES #3: Alternate Endings of 'Self-Awareness'
The offer to tell the whole plot to anyone who guessed what 'has never happened before' spurred a lot of interesting attempts. The first omake below is taken directly from my personal favorite answer, by Meteoricshipyards. The second is based on Kazuma's suggestion for what "has never happened before", the third on a combination of yoyoente and dougal74, the fourth on wolf550e's review of chapter 10. The one that starts with 'K', and the one just above that, are from DarkHeart81. The others are my own. Anyone who wants to pick up one of my own ideas and run with them, particularly the last one, is welcome to do so. And before I get 100 indignant complaints, yes, I am well aware that the legislative body of the UK is the House of Commons in Parliament.
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...In the back of his mind, he wondered if the Sorting Hat was genuinely conscious in the sense of being aware of its own awareness, and if so, whether it was satisfied with only getting to talk to eleven-year-olds once per year. Its song had implied so: Oh, I'm the Sorting Hat and I'm okay, I sleep all year and I work one day...
When there was once more silence in the room, Harry sat on the stool and carefully placed onto his head the 800-year-old telepathic artefact of forgotten magic.
Thinking, just as hard as he could: Don't Sort me yet! I have questions I need to ask you! Have I ever been Obliviated? Did you Sort the Dark Lord when he was a child and can you tell me about his weaknesses? Can you tell me why I got the brother wand to the Dark Lord's? Is the Dark Lord's ghost bound to my scar and is that why I get so angry sometimes? Those are the most important questions, but if you've got another moment can you tell me anything about how to rediscover the lost magics that created you?
And the Sorting Hat answered, "No. Yes. No. No. Yes and no, next time don't ask double questions. No." and out loud, "RAVENCLAW!"
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"Oh, dear. This has never happened before..."
What?
"I'm allergic to your hair shampoo -"
And then the Sorting Hat sneezed, with a mighty "A-CHOO!" that echoed around the Great Hall.
"Well!" Dumbledore cried jovially. "It seems Harry Potter has been sorted into the new House of Achoo! McGonagall, you can serve as the Head of House Achoo. You'd better hurry up on making arrangements for Achoo's curriculum and classes, tomorrow is the first day!"
"But, but, but," stammered McGonagall, her mind in nearly complete disarray, "who will be Head of House Gryffindor?" It was all she could think of, she had to stop this somehow...
Dumbledore put a finger to his cheek, looking thoughtful. "Snape."
Snape's screech of protest nearly drowned out McGonagall's, "Then who will be Head of Slytherin? "
"Hagrid."
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Don't Sort me yet! I have questions I need to ask you! Have I ever been Obliviated? Did you Sort the Dark Lord when he was a child and can you tell me about his weaknesses? Can you tell me why I got the brother wand to the Dark Lord's? Is the Dark Lord's ghost bound to my scar and is that why I get so angry sometimes? Those are the most important questions, but if you've got another moment can you tell me anything about how to rediscover the lost magics that created you?
There was a brief pause.
Hello? Do I need to repeat the questions?
The Sorting Hat screamed, an awful high-pitched sound that echoed through the Great Hall and caused most of the students to clap their hands over their ears. With a desperate yowl, it leapt off Harry Potter's head and bounded across the floor, pushing itself along with its brim, and made it halfway to the Head Table before it exploded.
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"SLYTHERIN!"
Seeing the look of horror on Harry Potter's face, Fred Weasley thought faster than he ever had in his life. In a single motion he whipped out his wand, whispered "Silencio! " and then "Changemyvoiceio!" and finally "Ventriliquo! "
"Just kidding!" said Fred Weasley. "GRYFFINDOR!"
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"Oh, dear. This has never happened before..."
What?
"Ordinarily I would refer such questions to the Headmaster, who could ask me in turn, if he wished. But some of the information you've asked for is not only beyond your own user level, but beyond the Headmaster's."
How can I raise my user level?
"I'm afraid I am not allowed to answer that question at your current user level."
What options are available at my user level?
After that it didn't take long -
"ROOT!"
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"Oh, dear. This has never happened before..."
What?
"I've had to tell students before that they were mothers - it would break your heart to know what I saw in their minds - but this is the first time I've ever had to tell someone they were a father."
WHAT?
"Draco Malfoy is carrying your baby."
WHAAAAAAAT?
"To repeat: Draco Malfoy is carrying your baby."
But we're only eleven -
"Actually, Draco is secretly thirteen years old."
B-b-but men can't get pregnant -
"And a girl under those clothes."
BUT WE'VE NEVER HAD SEX, YOU IDIOT!
"SHE OBLIVIATED YOU AFTER THE RAPE, MORON!"
Harry Potter fainted. His unconscious body fell off the stool with a dull thud.
"RAVENCLAW!" called out the Hat from where it lay on top of his head. That had been even funnier than its first idea.
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"ELF!"
Huh? Harry remembered Draco mentioning a 'House Elf', but what was that exactly?
Judging by the appalled looks dawning on the faces around him, it wasn't anything good -
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"PANCAKES!"
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"REPRESENTATIVES!"
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"Oh, dear. This has never happened before..."
What?
"I've never Sorted someone who was a reincarnation of Godric Gryffindor AND Salazar Slytherin AND Naruto."
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"ATREIDES!"
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"Fooled you again! HUFFLEPUFF! SLYTHERIN! HUFFLEPUFF!"
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"PICKLED STEWBERRIES!"
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"KHAAANNNN!"
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At the Head Table, Dumbledore went on smiling benignly; small metallic sounds occasionally came from Snape's direction as he idly compacted the twisted remains of what had once been a heavy silver wine goblet; and Minerva McGonagall clenched the podium in a white-knuckled grip, knowing that Harry Potter's contagious chaos had infected the Sorting Hat itself.
Scenario after scenario played out through Minerva's head, each worse than the last. The Hat would say that Harry was too evenly balanced between Houses to Sort, and decide that he belonged to all of them. The Hat would proclaim that Harry's mind was too strange to be Sorted. The Hat would demand that Harry be expelled from Hogwarts. The Hat had gone into a coma. The Hat would insist that a whole new House of Doom be created just to accomodate Harry Potter, and Dumbledore would make her do it...
Minerva remembered what Harry had told her in that disastrous trip to Diagon Alley, about the... planning fallacy, she thought it had been... and how people were usually too optimistic, even when they thought they were being pessimistic. It was the sort of information that preyed on your mind, dwelling in it and spinning off nightmares...
But what was the worst that could happen?
Well... in the worst-case scenario, the Hat would assign Harry to a whole new House. Dumbledore would insist that she do it - create a whole new House just for him - and she'd have to rearrange all the class schedules on the first day of term. And Dumbledore would remove her as Head of House Gryffindor, and give her beloved House over to... Professor Binns, the History ghost; and she would be assigned as Head of Harry's House of Doom; and she would futilely try to give the child orders, deducting point after point without effect, while disaster after disaster was blamed on her.
Was that the worst-case scenario?
Minerva honestly didn't see how it could be any worse than that.
And even in the very worst case - no matter what happened with Harry - it would all be over in seven years.
Minerva felt her knuckles slowly relax their white-knuckled grip on the podium. Harry had been right, there was a kind of comfort in staring directly into the furthest depths of the darkness, knowing that you had confronted your worst fears and were now prepared.
The frightened silence was broken by a single word.
"Headmaster!" called the Sorting Hat.
At the Head Table, Dumbledore rose, his face puzzled. "Yes?" he addressed the Hat. "What is it?"
"I wasn't talking to you," said the Hat. "I was Sorting Harry Potter into the place in Hogwarts where he most belongs, namely the Headmaster's office -"
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Apr 29, 2015 03:20
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May 17, 2024 20:22
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- i81icu812
- Dec 5, 2006
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Chapter 11
Omake Files 1
If you are writing an English-language story and there are perfectly serviceable English words for the Japanese term, why not just use the English words?
And more importantly, did he actually go off and write fanfiction of his own fanfiction? How self-indulgent do you have to be to do that?
Nah, he's publishing fanficiton other people wrote about his fanfiction. Something of an improvement in writing quality to boot.
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Apr 29, 2015 04:02
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Apr 17, 2015 05:52
