look out here come my pics lol

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > YOSPOS > look out here come my pics lol

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echinopsis: Apr 13, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

anyway im gona buck the trend. no dadbod for this dad

# ? May 12, 2015 23:46

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# ? May 25, 2024 19:19

EMILY BLUNTS: Jan 1, 2005

akadajet posted:

lol a double post

fat people's posts need two table rows

# ? May 12, 2015 23:46

HAIL eSATA-n: Apr 7, 2007

my apologies, i meant to say that fat "people" are gross

please find it in your diseased fatty hearts to forgive me

# ? May 12, 2015 23:47

Valeyard: Mar 30, 2012; Grimey Drawer

that feel when no dank nugs

# ? May 12, 2015 23:48

PS. Love the cabin: Dec 30, 2011; Bee Lincoln

perhaps the truth... is in the middle?

# ? May 12, 2015 23:48

EMILY BLUNTS: Jan 1, 2005

PS. Love the cabin posted:

perhaps the truth... is in the middle?

the truth is red in the middle
if the truth is a big slab o dead cow

# ? May 12, 2015 23:49

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

echinopsis posted:

i'm the giant doubleburg

# ? May 12, 2015 23:49

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

DNova posted:

lol, that girl's entire body is made of chicken nugget matter and water

haha I didn't even consider that

loving her is like loving Ronald McDonald basically

# ? May 12, 2015 23:50

pram: Jun 10, 2001

H.P. Hovercraft posted:

i'm the giant doubleburg

actually i am

# ? May 12, 2015 23:50

spankmeister: Jun 15, 2008

like a whole person made up out of nuggets fuuuuck

# ? May 12, 2015 23:51

Moongrave: Jun 19, 2004; Finally Living Rent Free

hello, mcnugget here

# ? May 12, 2015 23:51

peepsalot: Apr 24, 2007; ��PEEP THIS...
��BITCH!

spankmeister posted:

haha I didn't even consider that

loving her is like loving Ronald McDonald basically

don't gently caress children

# ? May 12, 2015 23:51

H.P. Hovercraft: Jan 12, 2004; one thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse; Slippery Tilde

spankmeister posted:

haha I didn't even consider that

loving her is like loving Ronald McDonald basically

Yeah, man, I can definitely dig what you�re talking about. When I was in, I think it was second-year Primary Platform, I knew a chick just like her. Second-year Primary is where, like, the good poo poo starts happening, when you realize, like, this poo poo is real and you�re not gonna get cut in line and poo poo anymore, you�re not gonna have to wait in line anymore, you�re in the Ops. It�s scary but cool at the same time. They don�t really prep you for it, either, one day you�re doing loving, like, shape puzzles and whatnot, trying to figure out putting together these blocks in your head and poo poo, and then you take a smoke break and you come back in and they�re like, �OK here�s a hostage situation,� and you�re like, �Wait, where are my blocks�. But you can�t, y�know, bitch about it too much, it they�ll kick you out for it right there, man. I�ve seen it happen, they have a very low, like, tolerance for that poo poo. Graff almost got walked for that poo poo once, but he was like, �No way, don�t, I�m sorry, I�ll shut up,� and they were like, �OK�. But I wouldn�t want to test that poo poo, this is definitely a privilege, y�know?

So anyway, in 2nd year Primary Platform, they�ll send you out on little jobs and poo poo, pretty small-time stuff. In fact, I happen to think some of the poo poo they send you on isn�t real, y�know? It�s just training stuff, but you can tell because these guys that are supposed to be Armenian, like, guards, are all bored and talking about TV and stuff in English. I�m like, Come on man, y'know? But whatever. But this thing I was gonna get sent on was definitely real, it was in Peru and there were all these specific instructions and poo poo, it was definitely something real. I had to rig a bomb in this bunker thing that this guy made out of a big statue, he had this big base thing going and I had to blow it up. So I�m in briefing and Cully�s like, �You will accept the following Op co-trainee for this mission,� and this chick Gladys comes in, And she�s like, large, not just �wow you are fat� but more like, �holy poo poo, you�re loving huge!� I know that�s not a very good way to describe it, but hopefully you get some kind of idea that this girl was like, very large. Which makes sense because, y�know, not to be a dick, but "Gladys", fat name.

So I�m like, �hahaha Cully, I�m not taking Gladys along with me dude,� and he�s like �Yes, you are� and I�m like �hahaha you�re dreaming,� and I got a little rude and threw this ruler, and long story short, she ended up coming along. And she pretty much saved my rear end, man. Seriously. We were trying to open this door, and the dude who owned the big statue base must�ve been a rogue Mensa or something, he was basically hosed in the head, he was building these big bird robot things, it doesn�t matter.

Anyway, the power regulator doors had a loving puzzle lock on �em. One of those things where, you know the things where you see five different groups of shapes or something, and you have to determine what the sixth one would look like? Like, the pattern? Well, there were like five or six of those puzzles inscribed on the door, so like thirty shapes total, and not only did you have to do all five of them right, you had to do the five sets in the right order, or you have to start over, and the shapes, like, scramble up. It was like a pattern puzzle inside a pattern puzzle, which let me tell you right now, we don't cover that poo poo in training. They can't prepare you for everything, y'know? And which, by the way, is probably the stupidest way to do a door, like, ever. I mean, I could understand if it was like a vault or something, but this was an engineering room. There�s people in and out of there all the time. What if there was a fire or something? Not that there would be, but you know what I mean?

Anyway, I�m stressing this loving door, because I suck at those puzzles anyway, even when there�s just one of them, and FIVE of them, I�m like, �gently caress�. I�d more or less forgotten about Gladys. But she comes rolling up and just pancakes me out of the way. It was like, FFFOOOOOOMMM!! She�s like, �I�ll handle this,� and sure enough, beep boop bop, she�s done and we�re out of there drat fast. So we went from there and took care of business and blew that poo poo up and ended up on this autopilot jet thing and had some champagne and, well, y�know.

She kept saying she�d lose weight, but she never really did. She was pretty good, though, in the, y�know, sack. What�s weird though, is, let me tell you if you don't know from your own experience, you�re pretty much going to get weirded out any way you do it with a chick that fat, y�know? If you�re on top, you�ll be all into it and suddenly you�re like, �oh my god I�m flying� because you wave your arms and you can�t touch the ground at all. Which is fun, but it also weirds you out. And if she goes on top, you�re really taking your life into your own hands. Not to be a dick, it�s just the truth, man. She�d admit it too, if she was still around and you asked her. She was pretty cool about that poo poo. Fuckin' Gladys, man.

We kind of worked around it, because I built this wooden framework deal off the bedpost that kinda holds me up so I can just lean forward and be, y'know, bangin her, but not doing that flying poo poo. She died pretty soon after we started using that thing. Total shame about her, man. Tactical Research had just come out with this strength compound thing, this ointment that makes you super-strong. Which we were all pretty psyched about, obviously. Anyway she had this gum thing going on with her back gums, some kind of tooth-gum infection thing that she'd had since high school, and it was cool if she rubbed this antibiotic ointment on them. But I had this little, like, sampler tube of the strength compound that I left in the bathroom by mistake and apparently she fuckin� used the strength compound by mistake instead of her, like, gum compound, and well, not to get gory, but that poo poo is supposed to be dispensed in these little dropper things. And she was like rubbing it all over her gums, her teeth just busted right out of her skull, no lie. They came ripping out like stalactites, right through her cheeks, just �PLLLLLLLLLLL� and one went right through her brain, man. She probably didn�t feel a thing, because it was so sudden, just WHAM TOOTH DONE. I was doing these dishes, and I heard something in the living room, so I came out and I was like, �drat loving nutty teeth, man.� I wasn�t even like, �Are you okay, baby?� because I�m tellin you, one of her teeth went through the television, she was definitely, y�know, not okay.

I was pretty sad, because one, I thought Gladys was OK for a fat girl, and she did more or less save my life in Peru, and I also feel a little guilty, because I was the one who left the strength compound on the ledge by the toothbrushes, but also, those bottles were definitely different shapes, kinda, enough that an Op should notice that poo poo. If I could go back in time, I'd definitely be like, �You should read the label, Gladys,� If she could hear me right now, that�s probably what I�d say. But that�s all like, speculation now. I�m with Sandra who�s all into comic books and weighs like 110. She�s not as good at those pattern puzzles as Gladys, but you have to be ready to, like, make some tradeoffs when it comes to getting girls in the Ops. It�s definitely a give-and-take deal. At least, that�s the way I think about it, y'know?

# ? May 12, 2015 23:52