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Zaphod42 posted:
But he wasn't even tipsy, guess it's cause he's Irish... 
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May 27, 2015 17:13
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yeah that one just makes me sad.
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May 27, 2015 17:18
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I love that one because it's so dumb "HE IS SUPER MANLY CAUSE HE CAN HOLD HIS BOOZE AND ALSO HE'S IRISH" More like "my dad is a walking cliché"
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May 27, 2015 17:29
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Yeah well I bet my dad could beat up his dad
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May 27, 2015 17:32
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EmmyOk posted:My dad is Ron Swanson Okay, so because of the formatting of these images, I had to read this a few times to understand that the man of these memes wasn't talking to his boyfriend, but his daughter's(?). This is why you need to be clear on who you're referencing.
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May 27, 2015 17:52
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Slime posted:4 hours of sleep a night at the max, and that's assuming he literally lives at work so he doesn't have to travel home for sleep. If we make the very generous assumption that it actually happened then they were probably poor because he was an incredibly lovely employee that always hosed up because he was always exhausted. Alternate idea, he worked normal hours and spent the rest of his time drinking and whoring and neglected his family to share cold tins of beans and wear bedsheets because he didn't give a gently caress. That's got to be it. How the gently caress could you justify working that much if you never get to see your kids and also apparently you're still poor as poo poo? Oh, because you're a huge liar and your kid is too dumb to figure it out.
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May 27, 2015 19:00
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Postal Parcel posted:Okay, so because of the formatting of these images, I had to read this a few times to understand that the man of these memes wasn't talking to his boyfriend, but his daughter's(?). This is why you need to be clear on who you're referencing. Can't it be both?
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May 27, 2015 20:02
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Drove around for three hours looking for a bike? Guess he didn't sleep for at least two days! edit: and of course the noodly internet geek's stereotype-based idea of manhood involves drinking whiskey. He's just like Ron Swanson! 
walrusman has a new favorite as of 20:58 on May 27, 2015 |
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May 27, 2015 20:54
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Whiskey is very manly though
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May 27, 2015 21:54
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jodai posted:That's got to be it. How the gently caress could you justify working that much if you never get to see your kids and also apparently you're still poor as poo poo? Oh, because you're a huge liar and your kid is too dumb to figure it out. or, yknow, it didn't happen
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May 27, 2015 22:10
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May 27, 2015 22:17
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Somebody's proud of their knowledge of LaTeX. Its like the opposite of  "Whenever I learn a new skill I write STDH in an elaborate fantasy where I get derided for my talent."
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May 27, 2015 22:27
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Some Zero posted:Man with crazy wife Honestly if I was on a date and that sort of thing happened, that would be a huge red flag and I don't think I would keep dating that guy. I wouldn't want to be murdered by some guy's crazy ex-wife, nor would I be impressed by the fact that he had been married to that person. People who are involved with such broken people have a high probability of having their fair share of issues. Good thing it never happened! Zaphod42 posted:Maybe 10 years ago. At this point I'm regularly stuck in an elevator with adults 50+ who just gawk at their phones the whole time. I'm staying with my parents while we redo the floors at my house and my dad keeps giving my husband and I poo poo for being on our devices when there's downtime. Meanwhile he's on his iPad all the time. Last night while the rest of us were eating dinner and talking to each other, he plugged his earphones into his iPad and watched a show at the dinner table. So I definitely believe that an adult would give a younger person poo poo for being on their phone even if they're a total hypocrite. But what really happened was that the teen rolled his/her eyes, continued texting, probably something like "lol some old man just gave me poo poo for txting," then went home and looked up something smart they might have been reading instead. Oh might as well include: 
Lowly has a new favorite as of 23:41 on May 27, 2015 |
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May 27, 2015 23:27
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I'm pretty sure I've seen variations of this before Ange got her hands on it. LYK IF U CRY EVRYTIM!
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May 28, 2015 08:08
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GENEROUS LUNCH GIRL | USA | CELEBRITY, LUNCH I'm a famous celebrity. I am also a furry in this story and have a black belt in karate. *PHONE RINGS* *PICKS UP PHONE* me: "Hello? This is [my name] speaking" person: "Hello [my name] this is [person's name] I work at [name]. Your child, [name] has been coming to our school without lunch! How dare you be such a negligent parent!" me: "Excuse me? I am a wonderful mother and always make sure my child, [name] goes to [school] with lunch." person: "what B*****, you f** ?" me: "Now if you'll excuse me I shall get to the bottom of this dilemma with by daughter, [name], post-haste!" *HANGS UP PHONE* me: "Daughter! Please come here at once!" daughter: "Yes mama?" me: "Why haven't you been eating your lunch at school?" daughter: "Katie's mom is in hospital and hasn't been able to make any meals for her last week, so I gave her a few of my lunches to her. that touched my heart" me: *fighting back tears* *visibly shaking* "Daughter! you truly are the best daughter a mother like me, your mother [my name], could ever hope to have" The person later called back and apologised to me and then sent me a voucher for 5% off school fees for the next year!
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May 28, 2015 08:58
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Oh gently caress off, my stepdad fell 20 metres down a ventilation shaft and was in intensive care for two months afterwards.
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May 28, 2015 09:15
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Testekill posted:Oh gently caress off, my stepdad fell 20 metres down a ventilation shaft and was in intensive care for two months afterwards. Most of these sound like stories an old drunk made up to their kids/grandkids and they just believed it and told their friends how cool their family was and how they are totally the most badass!
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May 28, 2015 09:37
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If I ever won the lottery, the number of people who would know why I'm able to be out more is 2. 5 if you count the animals.
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May 28, 2015 09:50
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Testekill posted:Oh gently caress off, my stepdad fell 20 metres down a ventilation shaft and was in intensive care for two months afterwards. Yeah I like how he made it 80 feet, like he could have gone with 10 or 15 feet to be in the realm of plausibility but nope its gotta be that he fell 6 to 8 stories (so I guess he was working on a cathedral ceiling)
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May 28, 2015 13:42
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Coleridge49 posted:I'm pretty sure I've seen variations of this before Ange got her hands on it. Angelina Jolie doesn't have an official Facebook I don't think, so it's not coming from her at least.
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May 28, 2015 14:14
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Khazar-khum posted:If I ever won the lottery, the number of people who would know why I'm able to be out more is 2. 5 if you count the animals.
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May 28, 2015 14:41
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My Lovely Horse posted:If one of them's a parrot, better keep it at 4. Tell the parrot someone else you hate won.
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May 28, 2015 14:45
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Coleridge49 posted:I'm pretty sure I've seen variations of this before Ange got her hands on it. The teacher asked why she didn't have lunches, so rather than talking to her about it I immediately hung the phone up. I guess maybe she was like "I'll call you back after I look into that" but it sounds so abrupt.
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May 28, 2015 15:59
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Coleridge49 posted:I'm pretty sure I've seen variations of this before Ange got her hands on it. Katie hasn't been eating anything other than a few school lunches for the last week. Also she exists as a feral child now because the world forgot she existed after her mother went to the hospital.
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May 28, 2015 16:13
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I don't think that person realizes how high 80 ft really is.
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May 28, 2015 16:22
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Oh man it just clicked with me that the daughter is giving her extra lunches to Katie, not Katie's mom. I was thinking how stupid it was to assume that someone in the hospital would want some schoolkid's peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
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May 28, 2015 16:25
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Trebek posted:I don't think that person realizes how high 80 ft really is. My thing is, how do you fall through a ceiling when you're painting it?
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May 28, 2015 16:36
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Marley Wants More posted:My thing is, how do you fall through a ceiling when you're painting it? Portals.
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May 28, 2015 16:44
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Marley Wants More posted:My thing is, how do you fall through a ceiling when you're painting it? Drink a few beers and ten shots of whiskey right before, I guess.
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May 28, 2015 17:10
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Also apparently the dad came home and told him exactly how much he had
EmmyOk has a new favorite as of 18:54 on May 28, 2015 |
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May 28, 2015 17:17
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EmmyOk posted:Also apparently the dad came home and told him exactly how much he had Oooh we had that one before but I loving love it. What an amazing reference, Youth Pastor (name withheld). Marley Wants More posted:My thing is, how do you fall through a ceiling when you're painting it? iirc when I read the accompanying text it sounded more like he was painting a roof or sth and fell through a masked hole.
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May 28, 2015 19:16
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Fathis Munk posted:iirc when I read the accompanying text it sounded more like he was painting a roof or sth and fell through a masked hole. Okay well now my thing is, who the gently caress paints a roof? Let's just say he was painting a room and wanted a smoke but it was a non-smoking building so he went outside to light up. Then his phone rang but he couldn't hear very well because of all the traffic, so he climbed up on the roof 80' up where he got distracted because it was his wife calling him nagging him about some useless bullshit, as usual, and he took a step backward without looking and fell through a hole in the roof which happened to be the atrium skylight which some idiot had put a tarp over so he fell straight through to the ground floor, but he got up, brushed himself off, and went right back to work because he's a total badass.
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May 28, 2015 19:48
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What building has an 80 ft ceiling anyway. Was he painting the Astrodome.
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May 28, 2015 19:58
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"FML posted:Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
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May 28, 2015 20:01
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fml: Today I found out my gf's dad is an incestuous voyeur
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May 28, 2015 20:35
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Aw man, I'd forgotten that site existed. The majority of the comments are arguing over whether or not women can get pregnant more than one day per month. 
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May 28, 2015 20:52
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Why did the construction worker have to be the girl's dad? Someone working on a roof is believable (or not) enough. Extra salacity?
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May 28, 2015 20:57
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Big Grunty Secret posted:Why did the construction worker have to be the girl's dad? Someone working on a roof is believable (or not) enough. Extra salacity? Because it wouldn't be FML without it. Like, would you really say "Oh Fuuuuuuuuuuck" if some random guy saw you having sex? (Okay, that example is really bad)
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May 28, 2015 21:05
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"Hmm, my daughter and her boyfriend are having sex. I better wait here and give him the thumbs up, to let him know I approve. Wonder how long it will take for him to notice me. Oh well, I'll just sit here watching my daughter get railed until he looks out the window."
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May 28, 2015 21:18
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hyperhazard posted:Aw man, I'd forgotten that site existed. The redpillers afraid of spermjacking don't even TRY to hide their agenda.
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May 28, 2015 21:24
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