|
My daughter slept in bed with us for eight months. It wasn't a habit, it was just the only way anybody was getting any sleep. Nobody's threatened to file for divorce yet. You've got to do what works for your kid. If your newborn enjoys sleeping in a room by themselves from birth good for you. Mine definitely did not at that age. Somehow we managed to not break her and now she sleeps all night in her own bed now.
|
#
?
May 29, 2015 01:40
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 4, 2024 01:38 |
|
|
dv8 posted:I'm genuinely sorry if I rubbed anyone the wrong way. Please don't take it personally. I didn't find anything that you said offensive or insulting, but I tend to be very open minded and not jump the gun and assume the worst. You could have phrased it better, but their responses could have been less rude. New Weave Wendy posted:My daughter slept in bed with us for eight months. It wasn't a habit, it was just the only way anybody was getting any sleep. Nobody's threatened to file for divorce yet. You've got to do what works for your kid. If your newborn enjoys sleeping in a room by themselves from birth good for you. Mine definitely did not at that age. Somehow we managed to not break her and now she sleeps all night in her own bed now. My youngest was the exact same for about 10 months. I would never judge anyone for it, because you have to do what works for you and your child. That can not be stressed enough. I was certain bad sleep was better than no sleep, but it was not until she was finally sleeping out of our bed that I realised how miserable I had been. I still think can't cope with my child crying endlessly, so they tend to sleep in our bed every now and then. I do wish I had believed the people that told me that toughing it up for a week or so is totally worth it in the end. Oodles posted:Tell her dinosaurs poop in the potty. Ask her if she want to be like a dinosaur? This is brilliant. I will have to try it. I think she has seen enough Dinosaur movies and Dinosaur Train episodes to call my bluff, but by God I will try it!
|
|
#
?
May 29, 2015 09:40
|
|
|
jassi007 posted:I just want to know at what age will they be willing to try things, eat without fighting things that aren't gross. I think it's less a specific age things magically turn around, and more that it just goes in phases. My kid is just shy of 2 years old, and she has periods where she'll try everything and eat half of it, and periods where she'll eat a very limited number of foods, and periods that are somewhere inbetween, and from talking with parents of older kids, I'm not expecting her to start eating everything all the time untill she's legally an adult. The only thing we try to do about food, is to not make it about power at all. There are very few things a toddler can control, and whether she eats is one of them, so it's natural that food is the centre of a lot of power struggles, so we deliberately avoid playing in to that at all costs. For example, we offer lots of different foods (whatever we're eating), praise her if she tries them, and if she refuses, we just say "ok", and make a show of mum and dad eating the yummy food. Sometimes she'll get curious and tries it, sometimes she couldn't care less, and I have no idea how or if we'll continue this strategy when she's older, but for now it seems to work pretty well for us - at least the dinner table is a pretty peaceful place 
|
|
#
?
May 29, 2015 10:35
|
|
|
My son is the same ages as your children, sheri and Sockmuppet, and it seems less like a phase and more like my kid is a Breathatarian in training.  I try not to stress as he's gaining/growing but I have no idea how. I do my best to not make it a struggle, I don't think he's being willful/manipulative particularly because I don't wheedle and beg and try to trick him into eating, I think he's like me and just not food motivated/very low appetite. He would eat cheese, peanut butter (just the PB, eaten off whatever it's on), yogurt, milk, blueberries, and popsicles exclusively if I let him, and the only way I can get any veggies into him is that applesauce that has vegetables mixed in. I used to do smoothies with a veg, frozen strawberries, some vanilla yogurt and a touch of soy milk but he'd beg for them and not want to eat anything else. I have no idea how he poops so regularly with all that dairy. (I'm lactose intolerant so milk causes the opposite issue for me, but he's fine with it.)He's got no dietary/digestive issues, I offer him vegetables done different ways like cooked carrots/raw carrots and so on in case it's texture not taste, but it's useless. I've tried dips, finger foods, "junk" food like chicken nuggets, hot dogs, fries, nope! At dinner, if he won't eat any of what we're eating, I'll give him some peanut butter crackers, or one of those kid Ensure-type shakes but I try not to do that often because then he's learning "if I don't eat mom will give me what I want!" Man I never thought I'd long for the breastfeeding days, but it was SO MUCH EASIER.
|
|
#
?
May 29, 2015 14:05
|
|
|
We're pretty lucky. With 2 year old Arthur we just put whatever it is we're having in front of him. Sometimes he'll eat a lot sometimes not much at all, but he is a healthy weight. We don't bother making him anything special or different then what we're having, because apparently he eats fantastic at school, so if he ignores his dinner we don't particularly care.
|
|
#
?
May 29, 2015 14:15
|
|
|
Kitiara posted:Please don't take it personally. I didn't find anything that you said offensive or insulting, but I tend to be very open minded and not jump the gun and assume the worst. You could have phrased it better, but their responses could have been less rude. Oh no, I don't think I took it personally per se; you see (unfortunately for me) it's not the first time I've come across as an (unintentional) dick with the way I phrase things. The bad part about it is is that I only realize that I have offended someone (usually sensitive individuals) after I press send and it's brought to my attention. I wish being more tactful and having a better filter came naturally, but it's just a part of my character and I can't be bothered working on it so genuine apologies come when I feel they should.
|
|
#
?
May 29, 2015 14:37
|
|
|
greatn posted:We're pretty lucky. With 2 year old Arthur we just put whatever it is we're having in front of him. Sometimes he'll eat a lot sometimes not much at all, but he is a healthy weight. We don't bother making him anything special or different then what we're having, because apparently he eats fantastic at school, so if he ignores his dinner we don't particularly care. Same here. He eats full, balanced, great amounts at school for breakfast/lunch/snack so yeah if dinner doesn't go well oh well. For example, my husband made the best, most delicious meal last night. My kid only ate some carrots and one bite of a nectarine. Toddlers man
|
|
#
?
May 29, 2015 14:46
|
|
|
If mine would eat at least one good meal or snack I'd be less uptight about it. Or if there was a tiny bit of balance. I'm pretty sure* when he goes for his 2 year checkup in a few weeks the doctor is going to tell me he has scurvy and call DHS on me. *Not really.
|
|
#
?
May 29, 2015 14:52
|
|
|
greatn posted:apparently he eats fantastic at school Haha, mine is like this as well - she's itty-bitty for her age (I met an 8 month old baby boy yesterday who weighs as much as her!), and the staff at her kindergarten was all "We don't get it, she eats more than all the other 2 year olds, but she's the smallest!" But apparently she just likes to pack in all her calories between 9 and 15, because at home she mostly eats like a baby bird, with occasional days where she'll suddenly eat like a weeks worth of food in a day. I've stopped worrying about it, except for supper, because if she doesn't eat a good supper, she sleeps like crap. Also I think she's a snob, because she'll turn up her nose at fishsticks, cheese and anything resembling nuggets, but she loves confit de canard, foie gras and wild trout.
|
|
#
?
May 29, 2015 15:21
|
|
|
Oh and he likes to dip his corn in honey mustard, paint the bottom of his foot, and say "Oh no! Dere's Honey mustard on my foot!"
|
|
#
?
May 29, 2015 15:43
|
|
|
dv8 posted:Oh no, I don't think I took it personally per se; you see (unfortunately for me) it's not the first time I've come across as an (unintentional) dick with the way I phrase things. The bad part about it is is that I only realize that I have offended someone (usually sensitive individuals) after I press send and it's brought to my attention. I wish being more tactful and having a better filter came naturally, but it's just a part of my character and I can't be bothered working on it so genuine apologies come when I feel they should. You seem best suited to some kind of small island perhaps.
|
|
#
?
May 30, 2015 01:35
|
|
|
Filboid Studge posted:You seem best suited to some kind of small island perhaps. As long as it's not pussified.
|
|
#
?
May 30, 2015 05:41
|
|
|
I guess we're lucky with our kids, they need to eat to catch up being born so early, and they like to eat. Daycare people are always telling me they eat so well, two servings almost every time. And they don't seem to be very picky, they even liked blue cheese that I gave them when I actually was just messing with them, but they liked it? I hope this doesn't spill over into them turning into fatties later.
|
|
#
?
May 30, 2015 06:45
|
|
|
His Divine Shadow posted:I guess we're lucky with our kids, they need to eat to catch up being born so early, and they like to eat. Daycare people are always telling me they eat so well, two servings almost every time. And they don't seem to be very picky, they even liked blue cheese that I gave them when I actually was just messing with them, but they liked it? I hope this doesn't spill over into them turning into fatties later. My (2yr old) kid loooooves borsin cheese. He will eat the entire package in one sitting if we let him.
|
|
#
?
May 30, 2015 11:23
|
|
|
We were at my mom's house the other day having breakfast, and Anna was tearing into the smoked herring.  This is the kid that won't eat macaroni. As for sleeping, she's 50/50 between her own bed and our bed. I know we should have battled to make her sleep in her own bed all night, but almost two years of crappy sleeping makes you choose the path of least resistance. This is the way everyone gets most sleep, actually.
|
|
#
?
May 30, 2015 15:31
|
|
|
Jasper LOVES eating sardines on crackers, but not vegetables.
|
|
#
?
May 30, 2015 15:56
|
|
|
dv8 posted:As long as it's not pussified. You seem like a delightful and well-rounded person
|
|
#
?
May 30, 2015 15:56
|
|
|
Call something cheese and my 1 1/2 year old will eat it. He loves cheese. He pretty much refuses to eat unless we give him baby silverware though now, even if he doesn't use it very well or at all he has to have his little spoon and fork.
|
|
#
?
May 30, 2015 17:28
|
|
|
When my oldest was 2, he loved smoked salmon. Also raw tuna. Called it all "fish ham". (He's 7 now, and still loves any raw/cured fish. Requested sushi for his birthday dinner.  ) I think the take home message for small children is not to pigeon hole them and think that they won't like something because it isn't conventional small child food, or tastes strong, or what-have-you. Offer them anything, everything, all the time. Repeatedly. (Remember, it takes something like 14 times trying something before they really develop a consistent opinion about it.) And do your very best not to pass your own food preferences on to them--like, offer them foods you don't like, and don't over-react around foods you dislike. (We have a rule that you can always pick something out/off, and set it aside, but the presence of a thing you don't like doesn't ruin your plate.) For instance, I dislike peanut butter. That's a big jar of yuck; a PB&J is a literal starvation food choice for me. But I started offering peanut butter toast when my kids were about 1. My oldest never took to it, and now will tell you he doesn't like peanut butter. But my youngest looooves it. Just eats it out of the jar (his personal jar) with a spoon. (This is the same child that dips apple slices in BBQ sauce; I think his taste buds are broken.) Just offer as much variety as you can get your hands on, as often as you can, and as the years pass, their true likes and dislikes will become clear.
|
|
#
?
May 30, 2015 20:44
|
|
|
Oh no, I didn't react negatively to her eating the herring, and I try to never show my negative preferences towards certain foods. I was just wtf-ing in my head while smiling and thumbs-upping.  Still, it's so frustrating trying to come up with family-friendly dinners that everyone likes and are somewhat healthy, just to have her refuse something that was her favorite last week. I'm mostly trying to let it go now, instead looking at the overall food intake through the day/week, and not worry so much if all she wants for dinner one day is potato wedges.
|
|
#
?
May 31, 2015 00:38
|
|
|
AlistairCookie posted:But my youngest looooves it. Just eats it out of the jar (his personal jar) with a spoon. (This is the same child that dips apple slices in BBQ sauce; I think his taste buds are broken.) I have to ration my son with peanut butter. He'll happily eat like a quarter of a big jar of it in one go if he's hungry and gets his hands on it. Luckily peanut butter is pretty good for you (right?) so it's not as bad as if he was chowing down on candy or something.
|
|
#
?
May 31, 2015 11:44
|
|
|
Here's a a tip, never believe your two and a half year old when you say "sit here for 2 seconds" and he nods and says "ok". Reason being, after coming out of the swimming I put him in the big family changing room. Turned round and removed our bags out the locker. Turned back and the door was locked. Behind it all you could hear was a giggling little boy. I pleaded with him to open it for a few minutes before a staff member used a fancy tool to turn the lock. When I walked in he was running around in the nude, still giggling his head of at the hilarity of locking dad out.
|
|
#
?
May 31, 2015 11:52
|
|
|
sudont posted:My son is the same ages as your children, sheri and Sockmuppet, and it seems less like a phase and more like my kid is a Breathatarian in training. What about making zucchini pasta? Aka take a spiralizer and boil zucchini basically to be green (yay!) pasta? I know a few families I'm friends with that I have suggested this to and it was a way to at least get them zucchini and open them up to some more veggies again. Pretty much tastes the same. Alternatively, rainbow colored veggies? Purple carrots, purple asparagus? No guarantee any of this will work, but just some ideas.
|
|
#
?
May 31, 2015 12:48
|
|
|
I like the smoothie idea, gonna try that. I'd be happy if my kid are PB, yogurt, and blueberries. At least they are healthy foods and you're getting some protein in there! French fries and pizza have like zero health benefits I keep telling myself it's a phase. I offer her everything I eat, and I eat a very varied menu. Kids be kids amirite. We have her 30 month dr appt this week so if she's got scurvy or something I guess I'll find out. (j/k obvi I'm not a bad mum)
|
|
#
?
May 31, 2015 14:42
|
|
|
The wee man is going through a phase where he eats meals back to front. For example, today at lunch he had a chocolate biscuit, a yoghurt and then a jam sandwich. This is progress because for the last few months it's pretty much been a "I'm not eating anything at all, unless it is full of fat, sugar and bad for me"
|
|
#
?
May 31, 2015 15:59
|
|
|
Amber Peat: Body confirmed as missing 13-year-old girl This story is in the headlines in the UK, this sort of thing scares this poo poo out of me. My two are 2.5 and 7Mo. How do you even avoid this, arguments are standard with any teenager.
|
|
#
?
Jun 3, 2015 20:35
|
|
|
There's been a lot in the news here over the past year about a 13 year old boy who killed himself because of bullying. It's so incredibly scary. I don't know what else you can do other than telling them and showing them that they can always talk to you about anything, get them help if you think they need it. But I remember my teenage years, every ache and pain and setback felt like the world was ending and my life was over. Unfortunately I don't think anyone has come up with a way of convincing teenagers that in a couple of years, life will be completely different.
|
|
#
?
Jun 3, 2015 21:03
|
|
|
I work at a crematorium, and I see young suicides all the time. It's horrible. I don't know that there is anything specific that we can do. Everyone is different and will react differently to our parenting style. However, it has really made me prioritize self-esteem. I really want my children to be confident and happy with themselves. I also really want to encourage communication and if they need to be homeschooled, and we can afford it, then so be it. I had a great experience with High School, but I've heard nightmare stories.
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2015 00:30
|
|
|
Sockmuppet posted:Unfortunately I don't think anyone has come up with a way of convincing teenagers that in a couple of years, life will be completely different. Somehow, someway, I knew that once I escaped my home and was on my own in college I would be ok. It's what got me through some really tough times, and also contributed to some really stupid decisions I made based on "no regrets!!!" I wish there was some way I could convey that epiphany to all the struggling teenagers I meet. It sucks right now, no one gets it right now, but it will get better. And if it doesn't, you will have the freedom to fix it.
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2015 01:16
|
|
|
There was a child suicide here a few months back and the news show had on an expert in the field. She stressed how important it is to regularly check in with your kids and not to assume that just because they say they are good that they are. She said to ask direct questions like how are things with your teachers? Do you like them? Are they fair? How are things with your friends? Are you having any problems? etc. Especially with younger kids, unless you directly ask, they often won't volunteer that they are experiencing problems. If you are having trouble, or you aren't sure how to talk to your kids to get them to open up I highly suggest reading a copy of the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663889 It's standard reading in the child development field, written for parents, and highly effective for all around parenting. There is also a teen edition which is basically the same thing but geared towards parents of teens vs. younger and school-age children http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/00...WKVB323W4K5AN3Y All we can do is to do our best to make sure that our children know they are loved, they are valued, that no problem is insurmountable, and that we are there for them and anything that troubles them. It's a scary thing to think that even that may never be enough. Sadly, a nightmare I've seen too much of. Just hug your kiddos and love them.
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2015 01:25
|
|
|
Haven't had a chance to read most of the pages in this thread yet, but is anyone here a parent with a disability? Specifically a wheelchair user? My future wife uses a wheelchair and I would love to talk to someone about how to wheel the baby around, pick them up and useful aids and tips. The resources out there are very poor and I just spent a long time in Powell's without finding a single book on parenting with a disability.
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2015 02:27
|
|
|
Sockmuppet posted:Unfortunately I don't think anyone has come up with a way of convincing teenagers that in a couple of years, life will be completely different. The best way I can think of is to let them have adult friends. When I was growing up, I very nearly committed suicide (as in, attempted half-heartedly) because of the usual reasons: I didn't feel like someone like me could ever be loved, I didn't think that any adults were like me. I occasionally got glimpses from online conversations with other adults, but it was nothing like having an actual person would have been. It would have been so much better if I had known an adult who was like me and past college that I could look up to and talk to about stuff, but also maybe go to and say "I feel this way, and I think you can understand me in a way my parents/peers can't". When I and my wife were first married, we volunteered at our church's youth group, and I think we made an impact in this way. There was one kid in there who reminded me very much of me at his age, and there was one point where I took him aside and was like "Hey, I want you to know that you and I are a lot alike, and because of that, I can guess you're going through a lot of poo poo at school or will be soon. I just want you to know that I understand, I was there, and it really does get better, and if you need anyone to talk to, I'm here". He never took me up on that, but after that chat, he seemed to get a little better. And there have been other kids in there that I don't know, just having some adult around who's interested in the things they are...at least, I hope it helped. In that vein, I've done some thinking about what I would do if one of our kids came out to me and my wife as gay/transgendered/polyamorous/etc. My wife and I are pretty close to the ideal portrait of heteronormativity, so it would be different. I know my first step is to love them and tell them I love them for who they are. But I'm accumulating a list in the back of my mind of adult friends of mine who are more aware of those issues; and if one of my kids came out, I would be like "Okay, cool. Here's this adult, so-and-so, who totally gets it in a way I can't, and I trust that they can help you and maybe be an adult role model for you, because they had to go through poo poo to get there". It's tough, though, and I know what I tried to do to myself, and want very much to avoid that with my kids. Or any kids, for that matter. And while I don't have data to back it up, I really do feel that if more teenagers—especially those more at risk of suicide—had adult friends that weren't parents or teachers, it really would help. (Of course, on the other hand, you then have the abuse potential, and...ughhh...gently caress humanity.)
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2015 03:02
|
|
|
Sockmuppet posted:There's been a lot in the news here over the past year about a 13 year old boy who killed himself because of bullying. I'm more scared of things like these, especially since my boys aren't entirely within the norms (the thumb thing) so I am always afraid that they'll get bullied as they get older for being slightly different even if it's just a digit less they got. So far they've done great though from what I can tell and nobody picks on them or excludes them, but they're still so young, I wonder how it'll become whent hey're older. I am so very, very glad they're twins for this reason, it'd be much worse to be alone and different. Society has gotten better since I was a kid with regards to stopping bullying I think, kids on the whole seem more accepting of differences nowadays. Though there are always exceptions which makes you think we're still in the stone age.
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2015 06:27
|
|
|
Axiem posted:I didn't think that any adults were like me. I think this is one of the greatest benefits of the openness provided by the Internet and media in general (depending on what country you're in, obviously). Before, if you were a LGTB kid growng up in the bad kind of small town, you could literally have no idea that there were people like you out there living happy lives, you'd just hear condemnation and think that "well, that's it, I'm broken for life". Even though shows like RuPauls Drag Race seem silly on the surface, I think they're doing such an important job of showing kids that even if you're stuck in a lovely place right now, if you just stick it out untill high school is over, you can live your life just the way you want it. And you can find message boards catering to just about any interest you care to put into a search engine, so you'll always find someone you can relate to. But, of course, the internet makes it so that the bullies can follow you home after school and be anonymous.
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2015 06:45
|
|
|
Sockmuppet posted:But, of course, the internet makes it so that the bullies can follow you home after school and be anonymous. This. The internet didn't exist when I was young, and social media didn't exist until I was well into adulthood (  ), so it a whole new world of parenting from which I have zero personal experience from which to draw. At least it used to be that the bullying couldn't really follow you home, but now, your online life is seen as being as (if not more) important than your actual life--or I guess, that there's no distinction. And that's a problem, since the internet has no boundaries. Those stories, like the above mentioned girl [and others], about kids committing suicide because of bullying *really* break my heart, and live like monsters in my anxiety closet. It's different than reading about child abuse, because then you can think "If only CPS could have intervened in time" or "At least now that CPS has intervened, things can begin to get better for that child" or similar things along those lines (not that child abuse stories are anything less than horrific, mind you.) Reading about teens who were mercilessly and relentlessly bullied by other teens (who are also just kids; idiot kids) seems like such a more complex issue to address--as a parent, as a society, as a human (I know this is an issue that has no borders.) I was bullied for a while as a kid, and I don't really have any more insight than anyone else. (My parents eventually figured it out, and sort of pressured it out of me which girls were giving me trouble, and went to the school. They left me alone after that, and they weren't ever in my class again, but I had no friends in my class the rest of the school year. Because of snitching. It was 3rd grade.) I am already afraid Tim is following down Mom and Dad's intellectual-introvert, few friends, sort of picked on, route through childhood, and neither one of us have a stomach for it--but simultaneously we try not to project it either. At every teacher conference, it's been sort of "Yeah, yeah, but how is he socially?" on our part. I can help him with his reading. I can make him practice his penmanship. I can teach him math. But I can't make friends for him. I can't make sure he has someone to play with on the playground. I can't make sure he gets picked for kickball, or gym games. He has to navigate that himself; and it's crushing as his mom. Dad and I literally did a high five once enough "yes" RSVP's came in from his class for his birthday party that I was sure we were over the social disappointment hump. (Invited the whole class; 9/20 came. I figured he wasn't actually friends with *everyone*, but was figuring on about half.) His Divine Shadow posted:I'm more scared of things like these, especially since my boys aren't entirely within the norms (the thumb thing) so I am always afraid that they'll get bullied as they get older for being slightly different even if it's just a digit less they got. I don't have experience beyond ages 4 and 7, but I can say that Liam (4) had a girl in his class all school year with only an index finger on each hand (and she gets along really well with her one finger!) and Liam literally didn't notice until the Valentine's party. August through February, didn't even notice. Then, he just actually *saw* it at the party, and it was, "Mommy!! Cate only gots one finger! Why is that?" (Because sometimes people are born a bit differently, and that's how she was born. Friends come in all sorts of ways; maybe she can do some cool things you can't, with her special finger. She is an extra good pointer-outer!) Tim had a girl with Downs in his class last year, and after a couple of innocent questions (Why does Lydia still wear a Pull-up, why does Lydia not always do Writing Time/Reading Time/etc) was *very* accepting of her--even during behavioral outbursts. Her nurse-aid also gave a simple talk to the class about her trache and issues as well. I gave the same sort of simple explanations, (born a bit different, needs some extra help and patience, etc...) and as they get older, I can always go into more detail if needed. They have a cousin who is special needs, but I think they still perceive her as a being a "toddler", so they don't notice, or at least haven't questioned it. (She's 5, but really small for her age. They still call her Baby [Name] Eating issues, FTT, hypotonia, non verbal, etc...Del(1p) Syndrome.)
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2015 20:29
|
|
|
Yeah, young kids are pretty cool about these sort of things. I worry about when they are older, though. Ahen conformity becomes the highest virtue.
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2015 21:07
|
|
|
sullat posted:Yeah, young kids are pretty cool about these sort of things. I worry about when they are older, though. Ahen conformity becomes the highest virtue. I think this is pretty much the truth here. I'm the parent of a 1st (almost 2nd) grader with special needs (developmental disability - Williams Syndrome) and the feeling I get from the WS support groups for parents and caregivers is that antibullying practices are really helping at the elementary school level, and to some degree the high school level...maybe not across the board in high school, but it seems somewhat better. Middle school though, that's still seemingly a wasteland. My kid is treated like a sort of...well liked younger brother by the kids in his class. I wouldn't say they treat him as an equal, I wouldn't even say they treat him as an actual friend (he wasn't invited to a single birthday party this year, and last year only 2 and I can't tell you how glad I am he's got a July birthday so we'll never have to deal with explaining to him why no one from his class wants to come to his party). But they treat him nicely, they baby him, they help keep him on task or remind him not to wander away when they're at recess or walking to the cafeteria. He's definitely not accepted as a true equal, but there's a sort of benevolence usually reserved for pets and babies. And it's sort of a common theme among the parents I see on the support groups in elementary school - our kids are treated well by their classmates, but it's still heartbreaking because it's quite obvious that our kids don't actually have FRIENDS. They treat him nicely when he's there, they don't even notice when he's not. The high school parents report a sort of split between social isolation (not a lot of bullying, just ignoring or isolation) and popularity along the lines of class pet. The middle school parents though? Good god, I don't even want to contemplate how bad middle school is going to be. Fionnoula fucked around with this message at 00:28 on Jun 5, 2015 |
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2015 21:43
|
|
|
Fionnoula posted:(he wasn't invited to a single birthday party this year, and last year only 2 and I can't tell you how glad I am he's got a July birthday so we'll never have to deal with explaining to him why no one from his class wants to come to his party). FWIW, were it my kid being invited to the "different" kid's party, they would absolutely go.  I think that's where some extra-aware-adult parenting should come in... (Also, if there's something you think we should be telling our kids that we're missing when addressing developmentally different peers, by all means, please share.)
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2015 22:11
|
|
|
Bullying is a scary concept for me, especially these coming years. My son is coming up on the sixth grade, but will likely be held back in the fifth grade. One way or another middle school is fast approaching. He's just...not on the same level as neurotypical kids his age, and I know that can be a bully magnet all on its own, along with some of the behavior issues his autism brings. Hell, it's already happened with some kids standing at the end of our yard mocking him and calling him a retard when he waved at them from the front door. And another time with essentially the same behavior, which hurt even more because it was teenager who was a friend of the family. A teenager bullying a kid who was at the time six years old. I was there for the first one, and other family members were there for the other, but we can't always be. And I don't really know if he even has the words to tell me what's going on, if something does happen. And I'm in the same boat on the birthday thing. He has a July birthday as well, so I am thankful I don't have to deal with sending invites to his class, because he has no friends at school. I can invite friends of ours and their kids, who treat him no differently from anyone else.
|
|
#
?
Jun 4, 2015 23:19
|
|
|
|
| # ? Jun 4, 2024 01:38 |
|
|
Fionnoula posted:I think this is pretty much the truth here. I'm the parent of a 1st (almost 2nd) grader with special needs (developmental disability - Williams Syndrome) and the feeling I get from the WS support groups for parents and caregivers is that antibullying practices are really helping at the elementary school level, and to some degree the high school level...maybe not across the board in high school, but it seems somewhat better. Middle school though, that's still seemingly a wasteland. As a high school teacher (well I'm not from the US so we don't have that "high / middle school" thing so kids from 12 to 16) I'd say try not to worry too much. There's a bunch of kids with disabilities at my school and they are treated pretty much exactly like your son is right now. I don't know how "regional" things like that can be but around here, while kids can be assholes, most of the time they understand how being a dick to someone with a disability is not ok (at least in his face, talking when the kid isn't there is going to happen unfortunately, but that's still much better than being mean to the kid directly). And if a kid says something, the teachers will usually have a much stronger reaction when the victim has a disability VS a normal bullied kid. Of course there might be more that happens outside of teacher ear range, but it really doesn't seem like it. Other kids tend to defend those with disabilities. If you're the school reject though, good luck no one is going to take your side. Hope you can deal with it. The "not seen as equal" part must be hard for the parents and the kid though, but I don't think there's a way around it unfortunately. That whole bullying conversation is pretty scary indeed. I'm so happy Facebook and such were not a thing when I was a kid, it must be horrible being a teen in a social media age. The internet is probably what saved me in high school since I met people I liked through forums and such. The internet was just a nice place to be where no one I knew in real life was and it really felt like a "blank slate" kind of thing. Nowadays it must be very different. My son isn't born yet so I'm not worrying about bullying for the moment, but I'm sure I'll be scared when he gets old enough to go to school. KingColliwog fucked around with this message at 02:47 on Jun 5, 2015 |
|
#
?
Jun 5, 2015 02:36
|
|
