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Things pissing me off: VP IT was persuaded by the new audit compliance director (who he totally doesn't hit on constantly) to increase our password complexity requirements. He's also adamant about not sending a notification email to the userbase informing them of what the new policy would be (despite my objections), just so he doesn't have to deal with managerial bitching about the policy ahead of time. I'm just reeeeeeaally glad I'm not on the helpdesk.
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Jun 10, 2015 23:04
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ASAs. Just in general. Of course the reason why I hate them is probably also part of the reason why I have a job.
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Jun 11, 2015 02:29
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Who in the gently caress gives "Domain Users" db_owner rights in SQL???
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Jun 11, 2015 03:34
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Some people just want to watch the world burn.
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Jun 11, 2015 03:36
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Harry Lime posted:Who in the gently caress gives "Domain Users" db_owner rights in SQL??? People don't think. In my last job one of my clients had set a computer accounts primary group from "Domain computer" to "domain user" so they could make the computer account the DB owner... Took too long for me to figure out why it kept losing its domain trust...
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Jun 11, 2015 04:22
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MC Fruit Stripe posted:"this is affecting production" "I'll gladly lend an ear to your complaints, but the longer we're on the phone together the longer it'll take before I can get working on fixing it." theperminator posted:People don't think.  I didn't know that was even possible.
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Jun 11, 2015 07:32
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Crowley posted:"I'll gladly lend an ear to your complaints, but the longer we're on the phone together the longer it'll take before I can get working on fixing it." I've learned to say "can't" because the truth, "won't", is off-putting.
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Jun 11, 2015 07:35
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Harry Lime posted:Who in the gently caress gives "Domain Users" db_owner rights in SQL???  poo poo pissing me off: Planning work at a remote datacenter with a tech in the UK. I stress in several emails and conversations that there's no cell coverage at the datacenter, so we'll communicate via email. I arrive at datacenter, do the planned work and send an email asking the tech to verify connectivity. An hour and a few more email proddings later I still have no reply so I say gently caress it and head home. I've got connectivity so if there's an issue I can fix it remotely. Next day I have three emails from the guy, sent half an hour after I left, complaining that I wasn't reachable on the phone. 
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Jun 11, 2015 08:25
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Collateral Damage posted:I'll one up you on that. I found out the other week that the service account our SQL Server instance runs under is a domain admin. And xp_cmdshell wasn't disabled. It's probably been like this for at least 6 years. "Well, we kept seeing these SPN errors, so we ran this script we found on expertSexchange and then they went away!  "
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Jun 11, 2015 08:40
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Collateral Damage posted:poo poo pissing me off: Planning work at a remote datacenter with a tech in the UK. I stress in several emails and conversations that there's no cell coverage at the datacenter, so we'll communicate via email. I arrive at datacenter, do the planned work and send an email asking the tech to verify connectivity. They call them mobiles
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Jun 11, 2015 09:37
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NZAmoeba posted:They call them mobiles Once I went in to rack a server and do some basic patching. We didn't have the right screws, long story short after hours of being there our phones were on 2% battery and eventually died, we managed to get everything up and running successfully and returned to the office heroes. Worst part was sending pictures of the rack via email and having countless "sending failed" errors. There were also two engineers working on the UPS units, then they took their lunch break and just left their tools and blowtorches there, it was uh...unsettling. You can probably tell I haven't spent much time in anything more than a cupboard-sized DC. Mammalian fucked around with this message at 14:58 on Jun 12, 2015 |
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Jun 11, 2015 09:48
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Mammalian posted:Didn't he just say that there's no cell coverage at the DC?
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Jun 11, 2015 10:17
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People who don't email back are cocksuckers. A week or two ago we hired a new branch manager for an office on the other side of the state  Hey Bob, I need another computer and phone for a desk we're putting in the northwest corner of the office Sure thing. I'll order the compute and phone, Bill will come out and set it up So when do you think it will be done by? Well I need you to put me in touch with the landlord at that office. I'm going to need him to do the wiring like he did for the other offices when we moved in Okay Bob!2 days later I ordered that PC and phone, did you get a hold of the landlord yet?2 more days later Hello previous manager of this location, can you give me the number of the landlord of the other store? We need to do some more wiring Sure thing. Hey new guy, it's in a blue notebook on that desk on the second page...2 more days later I'm going to sarcastically call the new fucker and ask him if he needs a tutorial on Outlook since I haven't gotten any emails back from him yet.
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Jun 11, 2015 14:15
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Alright, this is getting ridiculous. I've completed multiple projects to create tools that were supposed to be used by everyone to make tasks that we do regularly more simple. Now that they're out of development, I'm the only one that uses them. I threw together a "services" managment UI that keeps track of scripts, whether or not they're running, gives you buttons that let you stop/restart them, etc. "Hey Mogomra, can you stop XYZ? Thanks." "Hey Mogomra, this script I wrote is a piece of poo poo and crashes all the time, but it's running under you management thing, so it's your problem." They also had me make a simple email tool to send drip sales campaigns to potential clients. Again, it's super simple, the sales guys spelled out exactly how they wanted it to work so that they could use it. "Hey Mogomra, can you add this list of 500 subscribers?" "Hey Mogomra, can you set up this campaign for me?" Why the gently caress did I go through the trouble of creating these things for you people if you're just going to tell me to do everything for you anyway!? It's not even them talking to me directly, I'm given these tasks by my PM. To do the work that I supposedly made easier for the other people working here. I could have skipped all of that poo poo. I can just do all that work manually. What the gently caress. To make things even crazier, that's like the SOP here. I work on a team with two other developers, and we are all "In charge" of doing that kind of work for whatever poo poo we had the misfortune of creating the tools for. It's like 100% of our time is wasted because we're creating tools that are only used by ourselves to do other non-development work. 
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Jun 11, 2015 15:05
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Accidentally ran a recursive delete against my home directory. Didn't CTRL+C out until I thought "Huh this is taking a while to remove that...". Meanwhile, the ONE PS script I was working on and hadn't checked into TFS? Unrecoverable. It's me. I'm the stupid poo poo. 
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Jun 11, 2015 15:23
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Best Friends Forever picture update:
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Jun 11, 2015 15:41
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Bob Morales posted:People who don't email back are cocksuckers. Is this better or worse than people who do email back, but only check their email once a day, so a three line conversation takes an entire week?
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Jun 11, 2015 15:50
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Bob Morales posted:People who don't email back are cocksuckers. To be fair, I've been handling an escalation for the past 2 months where we've told the guy at least 10 times "this is not our issue, the issue is with the vendor end, contact them", and they STILL insist that it's a problem on our end. I've stopped responding to those e-mail because gently caress you if you don't listen to me the first goddamn time.
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Jun 11, 2015 17:09
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Sweevo posted:Is this better or worse than people who do email back, but only check their email once a day, so a three line conversation takes an entire week? Yeah but that is a relatively typical way to do things, most assuredly
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Jun 11, 2015 18:25
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Bob Morales posted:People who don't email back are cocksuckers. People who call you two minutes after sending E-mail are really annoying. If I wanted to chat on the phone I would've called you in the first place, instead we get to play telephone tennis and everyone gets to bounce messages around. I send E-mail because I'm generally in the middle of something and don't expect an immediate response, or I'm going to leave my desk to do something else/go take a poo poo.
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Jun 11, 2015 20:59
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Super Slash posted:People who call you two minutes after sending E-mail are really annoying. If I wanted to chat on the phone I would've called you in the first place, instead we get to play telephone tennis and everyone gets to bounce messages around. Email's when you want a paper trail, phone calls when you don't.
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Jun 11, 2015 21:03
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I post the following link in IRC every year or so, but this time, gently caress it, i'll paste it here. Process Documentation as Theater: http://monkeybagel.com/poo poo.html OVERVIEW The Systems Hardware Integration Task document is intended to provide a complete transactional workflow model of the processes by which Monkeybagel.com and its designated agents will perform duties pertaining directly to the deployment of system services to its internal customers. PROCESS SPECIFICATION [CUSTOMER defines REQUIREMENTS based on BUSINESS NEEDS and delivers them to a PROJECT MANAGER.] FINANCE: It takes us too long to process tax forms. It should only take an hour so we can make it home in time for Wheel of Fortune. PROJECT MANAGER: Okay. [PM communicates REQUIREMENTS to ENGINEER for HARDWARE SELECTION.] PM: They need their taxes done in an hour. ENGINEER: They should buy a Silicon Graphics O2 Workstation. It looks like a gumdrop! [PROJECT MANAGER brings REQUIREMENTS and HARDWARE SELECTION to FINANCE.] PM: The Finance Department needs this to do their taxes. As you can see, it looks like a gumdrop. FINANCE: I hate gumdrops. PM: Oh. FINANCE: We acquired a circus and a deli last week. You can use anything you find in their inventory. Those Finance guys need to curb their spending. PM: But they didn't have any computers! And YOU'RE the Finance guys! FINANCE: Go away, Mr. Gumdrop. We gotta go watch Wheel. [PM returns to ENGINEER with APPROVED HARDWARE.] PM: It's... well, it's a monkey. Pretty big one, though! And a bagel. Well, most of a bagel. Bad monkey! MONKEY: Eep! ENGINEER: Yay! BAGEL: Oy. [ENGINEER designs SYSTEM ARCHITECTURE.] ENGINEER: Monkey on top of bagel. No. Monkey beside bagel. Nah. Bagel on top of... wait! I've got it! [ENGINEER delivers HARDWARE and ARCHITECTURE to SYSADMIN for BUILD.] ENGINEER: Look, I got us a monkey! Let's stick him in this bagel and then he'll do our taxes! SYSADMIN: A monkey will not fit in a bagel. [demonstrates] MONKEY: Nice. Real nice. Does your mother know what you do for a living? SYSADMIN: [whispers] Yes. She tells the neighbors I died in 1997. MONKEY: I don't blame her. ENGINEER: You're right, it won't fit. We need to fold the monkey. SYSADMIN: Could you explain about the taxes bit? ENGINEER: Taxes! Monkeybagels do taxes in an hour! Tax-doing monkeybagels! SYSADMIN: [nodding slowly] Ah. I see. Monkeys and bagels. Taxes. Right. ENGINEER: Now get to it! We only have three days! [SYSADMIN initiates BUILD PROCEDURE by engaging HARDWARE SUPPORT.] SUPPORT: Do you have any experience in accountancy? MONKEY: Eep! SUPPORT: Yes or no? MONKEY: Eep! SUPPORT: I have here a straight razor and a quart of gin. I stop cutting when the gin's all gone. MONKEY: I used to cook the books for a defense contractor in Iowa. SYSADMIN: You? But you're a monkey! MONKEY: And you died in '97. You think you're the only one with a past? SYSADMIN: Point taken. SUPPORT: What's your standard consulting rate? SYSADMIN: Oh, gosh, it's been so long since I freelanced, um, forty, no, FIFTY-- SUPPORT: I'm asking the monkey, dumbass. MONKEY: Two thousand a day plus expenses, travel and meals included. SYSADMIN: Two thousand a DAY? For a MONKEY? MONKEY: Twenty-five hundred. You want me to go three? Keep it up. SUPPORT: Tell you what. I'll give you that bagel and I won't cut your thumbs off. MONKEY: That should do nicely. SUPPORT: Deal. [HARDWARE SUPPORT delivers HARDWARE for DEPLOYMENT. HARDWARE SUPPORT goes to find something cute and fuzzy to disfigure.] SYSADMIN: Phew! That was easier than I thought. MONKEY: I suffer from chronic attacks of severe diarrhea. Also, I got hooked on smack during my second tour of duty in 'Nam and need to shoot up three times a day or I go into convulsions. Plus I'm vegan, but I require fresh beef daily to comply with the tenets of my religion. And could you do something about the lighting in here? Maybe some full-spectrum lamps? Otherwise I'll get suicidally depressed. And I need lots of pickles, because when I'm doing taxes I need to have my feet rubbed with pickles or I start transposing nines and twos at random. The pickles are key. SYSADMIN: No problem. MONKEY: Er, what? SYSADMIN: I said I'll handle it. Anything else? MONKEY: You know, I kinda expected more of a fight. SYSADMIN: Let me check my understanding of the situation. Here we are, in the final phase of a futile and worthless project, and you just blurted out a barrage of last-minute demands based on ridiculous and contradictory premises and implied that if I failed to meet these conditions then your own ability to work would be impaired in such a way as to impede or halt the work of anyone nearby, and it would look to everyone as though it were completely my fault. MONKEY: Right. So what's your point? SYSADMIN: I used to provide system support for a team of database administrators. One time, out of the blue, for no apparent reason, they called up a senior vice-president and told him that they needed root access to all of our servers so they could run the 'ls' command and if they didn't get that permission then nobody in the company would get paid that month. In the end I had to tell them that if they ever had the need, they could call me at any time, day or night, and I would at that time tell them the root password. They agreed and were happy. They called the first night and used the password to set up a porn site on our firewall. I shut the site down and notified our security guys. I got fired when our security guys found out I'd given out the password over the phone and reasoned that the database people wouldn't have been that obvious so it must have been a Russian hacker. So let us now return to the matter at hand, about which I have only one question: What kind of pickles? MONKEY: You know, I'm basically fine with just the bagel. Forget I asked. SYSADMIN: Thanks. MONKEY: You ever consider another career? SYSADMIN: Never! I love the people I work with too much. MONKEY: You're insane. Completely out of your loving mind. You know that, right? SYSADMIN: Of course. It wouldn't be as tragic if I weren't so painfully aware. MONKEY: Right. I'll get going on the taxes. Go take a Xanax or something, you look fried. [SYSADMIN completes HARDWARE DEPLOYMENT and notifies ENGINEER.] SYSADMIN: Here's the drat monkey. He likes pumpernickel. I'm going to go get a mocha. ENGINEER: We did it! Monkeybagels for everyone! [ENGINEER notifies PM, then creates a Monkeybagel Hardware Standard and recommends that all new systems be engineered to the same specifications.] PM: Your system's been deployed. Please let us know if we can be of further service. FINANCE: We need somebody to fix the diving board on the corporate swimming pool. PM: We have a corporate swimming pool? FINANCE: No, WE have one. And the diving board's broken. Get somebody to weld it. PM: Do we employ any scuba divers with welding experience? FINANCE: No. But we just bought a pet shop and there's some really cute puppies in there. See what that engineer of yours can do with them -- he's really something! (This document highlights dozens of obvious opportunities for process improvement. For example, it would be trivial for a quality engineer to profile the sysadmin's role as demeaning, redundant, and of little value; he would then recommend to management that the job be eliminated and the associated headcount released.)
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Jun 11, 2015 21:34
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That hits pretty close to home. Unfortunately.
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Jun 11, 2015 23:29
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Just get that in the OP already.
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Jun 12, 2015 01:11
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Our "Give every schoolkid a computer/tablet" got the attention of the media, and now I'm sitting here reading the comments section on one of the national IT-News sites. Apparently we're doing everything wrong and..
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Jun 12, 2015 07:26
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Don't read internet comments sections.
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Jun 12, 2015 08:35
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Here's how you should have done your job.
Here is a serious answer which I truly believe. Never explain yourself. This goes for IT, work, life, everything. You can remember this simple phrase: Do Never Explain. The moment you explain yourself, you've given the other person all of the power. You now have to justify your decisions, and you're tacitly seeking their approval. e: Although to be clear, I mean when a person wants you to justify your actions. It's situational - the person may be trying to learn. I think we all know which is which. If I ask you why you chose iPads over Android tablets, you're probably going to pick up from context whether I think you need to justify your decision, or if I'm trying to learn from your experience. MC Fruit Stripe fucked around with this message at 08:57 on Jun 12, 2015 |
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Jun 12, 2015 08:42
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MC Fruit Stripe posted:Here's how you should have done your job. Android tablets? For school kids? I'm not that much of a flagellant! Windows tablets? We actually considered that long and hard (management through AD? Yes please!) but there's just no educational software in Danish for Windows tablets. MS even begged us to wait six months because "some really good thing are coming out right now", so we waited, and nothing happened.
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Jun 12, 2015 09:19
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Real actual poo poo that pisses me off - how can I get through to the operations, development, product, and sales teams that I have no idea at all how our product works? Every loving day with this poo poo. I build the infrastructure, what you do with it is your problem. I don't care what you're running, I just make sure the CPU's not pegged. But every day I'm asked to take a look at something which I have no idea about. I have absolutely zero product knowledge, none, at all. But constantly it's questions like "why can't the customer do this thing they were doing yesterday?" - I don't know, how would I know that?
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Jun 12, 2015 10:10
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MC Fruit Stripe posted:Real actual poo poo that pisses me off - how can I get through to the operations, development, product, and sales teams that I have no idea at all how our product works? Every loving day with this poo poo. I build the infrastructure, what you do with it is your problem. I don't care what you're running, I just make sure the CPU's not pegged. But every day I'm asked to take a look at something which I have no idea about. I have absolutely zero product knowledge, none, at all. But constantly it's questions like "why can't the customer do this thing they were doing yesterday?" - I don't know, how would I know that? Related: users that expect me to know the inner workings of some specific piece of software they use. We have more than 450 different IT solutions running here, lady. Don't expect me to know how they work beyond "it starts without errors".
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Jun 12, 2015 10:29
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I've been generally removed from network and systems repair, which is a long time coming and I love it. What I don't love is that, as I'm no longer running with that process, they dumped it all on my coworkers on top of the poo poo they normally do, and gave them guff for it not all being done they way it used to. 
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Jun 12, 2015 12:23
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This lady keeps referring to her laptop as a "lap top." Does the same thing for "desk tops." Once she even just called it a "lap." The subject of an email I've been responding to is "Lap top" and it's so hard for me to not correct it before I reply back. Normally stupid things like this don't bother me but holy poo poo this one is driving me up the wall for some reason.
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Jun 12, 2015 14:35
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The people who run the WiFi at Newark Airport expect me to pay to use it. In 2015 like there's not LTE coverage 
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Jun 12, 2015 14:49
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Japanese Dating Sim posted:This lady keeps referring to her laptop as a "lap top." Does the same thing for "desk tops." Once she even just called it a "lap." The subject of an email I've been responding to is "Lap top" and it's so hard for me to not correct it before I reply back. I think people that call them Lab Tops are worse
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Jun 12, 2015 14:51
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Japanese Dating Sim posted:This lady keeps referring to her laptop as a "lap top." Does the same thing for "desk tops." Once she even just called it a "lap." The subject of an email I've been responding to is "Lap top" and it's so hard for me to not correct it before I reply back. One day she'll see it written down as one word and realise her mistake. Or not
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Jun 12, 2015 14:51
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Large video conferences are pissing me off. How loving hard is it to mute yourself when you're not talking so that everyone doesn't need to hear echoes and feedback?
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Jun 12, 2015 15:11
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Ynglaur posted:Large video conferences are pissing me off. How loving hard is it to mute yourself when you're not talking so that everyone doesn't need to hear echoes and feedback? We do live streams and video conferences and actually strongly encourage our clients to train their talent in mic etiquette. TOO many times do people rub their clothing or hands over the mic, re-position it, vary their talking volume... and god help me when we have the traditional microphones you hold instead of the clip-on ones, people are either holding them a meter away or rubbing their lips across the mesh. Where we have big gigs with people brought in over Skype feeds it's even worse. They're told to use headphones and they have speakers on instead, the feedback is horrendous and all we can say back in the office is "welp, it's the client's problem"
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Jun 12, 2015 15:19
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Pissing me off: colleagues who still haven't learnt to put new accounts in the correct OU. I built a domain for a new client, and set pretty much everything to be controlled via group policy - profiles, drive mappings, printers, email signatures, the whole shebang. Engineer then spends several hours trying to configure this all by hand after he created the user account in the default Users folder, despite being reminded multiple times in the past to make sure then go in the correct department specific OU  Amusing me: Listening to the same colleague reading out a serial number to an Indian call centre, trying to remember his phonetic alphabet: "E for Elephant, B for Bravo, 5, K for.... Knee" 
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Jun 12, 2015 15:21
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Japanese Dating Sim posted:This lady keeps referring to her laptop as a "lap top." Does the same thing for "desk tops." Once she even just called it a "lap." The subject of an email I've been responding to is "Lap top" and it's so hard for me to not correct it before I reply back. Just remove the space in the subject of the email before you send the next one back. Though that might be a bit too subtle...
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Jun 12, 2015 15:37
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Bagpuss_UK posted:Pissing me off: colleagues who still haven't learnt to put new accounts in the correct OU. M as in Mancy.
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Jun 12, 2015 15:38
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