Volume posted:

Volume posted:

Alani Santos, 11, croons into a microphone at her father’s church in a small city outside of Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. She’s healing a boy about her age with cancer and heart problems, singing prayers until he says he feels his illnesses have left him. Alani, who began healing at age 3, is one of an estimated thousand or more child preachers in Brazil.

Brazil, Alani’s father explains, has a weak healthcare system. Preachers and religious healers offer a way for the sick and suffering to take their health into their own hands. Some say that the child preachers are false prophets, exploited by the adults who publicize them, while others say they’re messengers of God, performing real, concrete miracles. Which is it? Watch the video above to decide for yourself, and find more on child preachers in The New York Times.

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Ocean Book posted:

why does every sentence in the bible have its own number to cite it by? to make it easy to reference things out of context?

Beef Turret posted:

quote:

Then there came a decree from Ft. Rome, from the great Octavian who had power over the whole world, an order from Caesar to his wide realm sent to every king enthroned in his homeland and to all Caesar’s army commanders governing the people of any territory.… It stated that all warrior heroes were to return to their assembly place, each one was to go back to the clan of which he was a family member by birth in a hill-fort….The good Joseph went also with his household, just as God, ruling mightily, willed it. He made his way to his shining home, the hill-fort at Bethlehem. This was the assembly place for both of them, for Joseph the hero and for Mary the good, the holy girl. This was the place where in olden days the throne of the great and noble good King David stood for as long as he reigned, enthroned on high, an earl of the Hebrews.

I have heard it told that the shining workings of fate and the power of God told Mary that on this journey a son would be granted her, born in Bethlehem, the strongest child, the most powerful of all kings, the Great One come powerfully to the light of mankind—just as foretold by many visions and signs. . . And it came to pass just as wise men had said long ago: that the Protector of People would come in a humble way, by his own power to visit this kingdom of earth. His mother, that most beautiful woman, took Him, wrapped Him in clothes and precious jewels, and then with her two hands laid Him gently, the little man, that child, in a fodder-crib, even though He had the power of God, and was the Chieftain of mankind. There the mother sat in front of him and remained awake, watching over the holy Child and holding it.

What happened became known to the horse-servants. They were outside; they were men on sentry duty, watching over the horses, the beasts of the field: they saw the darkness split in two in the sky, and the light of God came shining through the clouds and surrounded the guards in the fields. Those men began to feel fear in their hearts. They saw the mighty angel of God coming toward them. He spoke to the guards face to face and told them not to fear any harm from the light. “I am going to tell you,” he said, “something very wonderful, something very deeply desired. I want to let you know something very powerful: Christ is now born, on this very night, God’s holy child, the good Chieftain, at David’s hill-fort. What happiness for the human race, a boon for all men! You can find Him, the most powerful child, at Fort Bethlehem. He is there, wrapped up, lying in a fodder crib—even though he is king over all the earth and the Ruler of the world.” Just as he said that word, an enormous number of the holy army, the shining people of God, came down to the one angel from the meadows of heaven, saying many words of praise for the Lord of Peoples. They then began to sing a holy song as they wended their way through the clouds toward the meadows of heaven.

They soon found him, the Chieftain of Clans. They praised God the Ruler with their words. The lady, the holy girl, his mother, kept in her mind and in her heart whatever she heard the men saying.

Many heroes, the earls, very intelligent men, spoke on the eighth day with God’s girl, saying that the Child should have the name “healer” just as the angel of God, Gabriel, said in truthful words when he, as God’s messenger, gave this command to the woman. The mother, the loveliest of ladies, then fittingly brought up the Chieftain of many men, the holy heavenly Child, on love.

Pththya-lyi posted:

That's why the Heliand is all "Jesus is Jarl over the whole world and the Apostles were his totally badass warriors. You can be a badass too if you learn to chant the Godspell and are loyal to Jesus! "

EDIT: Check out the Heliand's version of the Nativity, it's great just like the rest of the book

Top City Homo posted:

and this is why we never wanted the Torah to be translated.

Heliand posted:

Father of us all, the sons of men
You are in the high heavenly kingdom
Blessed be Your name in every word
May Your mighty kingdom come
May Your will be done over all this world—
just the same on earth as it is up there
in the high heavenly kingdom.
Give us support, each day, good Chieftain,
Your holy help, and pardon, Protector of Heaven,
our many crimes, just as we do to other human beings
Do not let loathsome wights lead us off
to do their will, as we deserve,
but help us against all evil deeds.

quakster posted:

i really like that scripture is "just" fanfics of vague secondhand recollections of poo poo that probably went down, maybe. dumb poo poo like groverhaus and lost fingat would make for great religion. "lest man be slain by his own dwelling"

Pththya-lyi posted:

furries and bronies are clearly demonically-possessed

quakster posted:

i really like that scripture is "just" fanfics of vague secondhand recollections of poo poo that probably went down, maybe. dumb poo poo like groverhaus and lost fingat would make for great religion. "lest man be slain by his own dwelling"

Top City Homo posted:

German Warlord Jezus

Volume posted:

Skeptics often claim, “The Bible is not a science textbook.” This, of course, is true—because science textbooks change every year, whereas the Bible is the unchanging Word of God — the God who cannot lie. Nevertheless, the Bible can be relied upon when it touches on every scientific issue, including ecology. It is the Bible that gives us the big picture. Within this big picture, we can build scientific models that help us explain how past events may have come about. Such models should be held to lightly, but the Scripture to which they refer is inerrant. That is to say future research may cast doubt on an actual model, without casting doubt on Scripture.

With this in mind, the question needs to be asked, “Is there a Bible-based model that we can use to help explain how animals might have migrated from where the Ark landed to where they live today?” The answer is yes.

genesplicer posted:

I have asked my Fundamentalist relatives about the need for redemption by Jesus.

genesplicer posted:

I have asked my Fundamentalist relatives about the need for redemption by Jesus. Their standard answer boils down to "God is perfect, and can't allow imperfect things like sinful humans near him. That is why we need the transforming power of jesus." When I ask where they get this, it comes from some obscure bible verses or other.

My response is this: If god can't allow imperfection near him, that tells us one of two things.
A. God is being arbitrary and capricious and does not deserve our worship, because he's being a dick about joining the club.
B. Some power beyond god is imposing this requirement, and we should be worshiping that, instead.

The bible is not perfect, and there is no way to prove it is. As far as what it says about scientific subjects, it always seems to go through 3 distinct stages.

1. That's not what the bible says! Die, heretic!!!!!
2. The bible doesn't really say anything on that subject.
3. That's what the bible says, too! See, it proves the bible is perfect, because it predicted this, long before science discovered it.

I'd be impressed if the bible did something that was obviously scientific, like predict the existence of neutrons or viruses or even Antarctica. But it doesn't.

Pththya-lyi posted:

I feel like a lot more people would go to church these days if they could learn about the Chieftain of Chieftains and His magical Godspell

The trick would be separating the Neo-Nazis from the nice chill people

Top City Homo posted:

this man believes that God, an omnipotent being who deemed necessary to communicate with the ants of humanity, related concepts like general relativity and simplified it to terms we could understand

13 billion years is actually 6 days from the beginning of the universe

http://geraldschroeder.com/wordpress/?page_id=53


in any case, the point of the bible has always been to impart a moral lesson, not a scientific one. People who waste their time trying to square a hole have autism of some sort.

Kanthulhu posted:

The very important moral lesson that you should not shave your beard.

Blue Train posted:

jesus christ died for your sins - most badass

Volume posted:

Volume posted:

Blue Train posted:

jesus christ died for your sins - most badass

genesplicer posted:

Again, why did god have to do this? If he is all-powerful, he could have made any rule, or no rule. "If you want to go to heaven, you must place your left pinkie into your right nostril while standing on one foot. If you are incapable this, you can either imagine you are doing it, or someone may do it in your place."'

The whole Jesus thing is arbitrary as hell.