Non Serviam posted:

^^ KEED.


Our of curiosity I checked this dude's posting history. HE IS SO COOL AND AMAZING:




He's also 38: http://www.reddit.com/r/everquest/comments/316x2i/tlp_instancing_real_talk/

He strangled a man to death when he was 8. That's so cool.

Non Serviam posted:

It didn't. There's about zero chance a prosecutor or the police would even suggest shooting a person who's committing a rape is an" execution".

Tunicate posted:

That would be 18.

Non Serviam posted:

Sorry, didn't type the 1. I do know math, I swear!

quote:

Enough To Make You Almost Pop Your Corn
Movie Theater | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work at a movie theater. We are offering a special promotional coupon where customers can buy a large popcorn and drink combo, and get a second large drink for free. I am approached by an elderly couple.)

Husband: *handing me a coupon for the promotional deal* “I want two!”

Me: “All right, sir. Just to double-check, did you mean you wanted two combos, or the single combo with two drinks?”

Husband: *scoffs* “Do I stutter, kid? We want two of these combos!”

Me: “…Okay. What would you like for your four drinks?”

Wife: “Four drinks?! We only want one, you idiot!”

Me: “I apologize; I thought you wanted two of the combos.”

Husband: “We do!”

Me: “Two combos would mean you’d end up with four drinks… Each combo comes with one large popcorn and two large drinks.”

Wife: “But we only want one!”

Me: “Okay.”

Husband: “Yeah… two combos!”

Me: “I’m really not understanding… How many combos do you want?”

Husband: “Two combos!”

Me: “So, what would you like for the four drinks that come with the two combos?”

Wife: “Where are you getting four drinks from?! Just the two combos! What are you, dense?!”

Husband: “Stop wasting my time, you stupid idiot!”

Wife: “We want one!”

Me: “…So, you just want the one combo with the two drinks?”

Husband: “TWO COMBOS!”

Wife: “With the one!”

Husband: “Exactly, two combos!”

Me: *by this point, I’m just assuming they mean they want one combo with two drinks* “Okay… what would you like to drink?”

Wife: “I want one Coke!”

Me: “And what else?”

(Neither one answer for almost a full 30 seconds.)

Me: “Sir, what other soda would you like?”

(Neither answers for another 10 seconds.)

Husband: *suddenly* “Why aren’t you getting our two combos?!”

Me: “Sir, I need to know what else you’d like to drink.”

Husband: “MY WIFE WANTS COKE!”

Me: “Okay.”

(I get a large popcorn and large coke and bring them to the couple.)

Husband: “Where’s our second soda combo?!”

Me: “Sir, you only told me one drink.”

Husband: “But we got two combos!”

Me: “SIR. I. Need. To. Know. What. You. Want. Before. I. Can. Get. It. For. You. You only told me one soda.”

Husband: “Two f****** combos!”

(This back and forth continues for another 30 seconds, before I just decide to get them another large Coke to get it over with.)

Me: “That will be $14.”

Husband: “Is this two combos?”

Me: *lying to get the transaction done* “…Sure.”

Husband: “Fine. Took you long enough. Now, where’s our free soda?”

Me: “It’s right here, sir. I just gave it to you.”

Husband: “Oh.”

Me: “So, that’ll be $14.”

Husband: “But this is supposed to be special coupon! Why does it cost so much?”

Me: “Our popcorn and soda combo is $14. We gave you the second soda for free, as per the coupon. Without the coupon, the order would’ve been $19.”

Husband: “…Well, that’s too much. This only should cost me a few dollars!”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you, sir. We need to have prices that high for the theater to make any money. We don’t get to keep much, if any, of ticket sales.”

Husband: *throws his credit card at me* “Fine!”

(I complete the transaction and they finally leave. Immediately after, a 20-something approaches me.)

New Customer: “…You know, I looked up how much it costs theaters to make popcorn. Popcorn should really only cost customers—”

Me: *interrupting* “Trust me… Today is NOT the day to complain to me about prices. Did you see that exchange that just happened with the couple who was just here?”

New Customer: “Yeah?”

Me: “That’s unfortunately not the first time something that prolonged and stupid that has happened to me today… not even the first time this hour. In fact, not even the first time in the past 10 minutes.”

New Customer: “…Oh.”

Me: “So if you’re only here to complain and not to buy something… please leave my line.”

(He left after seeing just how serious I was.)

Fathis Munk posted:

How did that super cool redditor choke a dude to death while said dude held a knife to his throat or did that criminal just accept his fate? "ah poo poo he's got his hands around my neck, better drop the knife and go with it"

ElGroucho posted:

Redditors are the worst, they'll up vote things to about 1000 before a single person says "This sounds like total complete bullshit"

Postal Parcel posted:

e: Apparently NAR has a comic?

Postal Parcel posted:

Postal Parcel posted:

Fathis Munk posted:

How did that super cool redditor choke a dude to death while said dude held a knife to his throat or did that criminal just accept his fate? "ah poo poo he's got his hands around my neck, better drop the knife and go with it"

Fathis Munk posted:

How did that super cool redditor choke a dude to death while said dude held a knife to his throat or did that criminal just accept his fate? "ah poo poo he's got his hands around my neck, better drop the knife and go with it"

Postal Parcel posted:

e: Apparently NAR has a comic?

Postal Parcel posted:

Me: “Our popcorn and soda combo is $14. We gave you the second soda for free, as per the coupon. Without the coupon, the order would’ve been $19.”

MonoAus posted:

2 Drinks and 1 box of popcorn = $19 ?

MonoAus posted:

2 Drinks and 1 box of popcorn = $19 ?

EZipperelli posted:

Very believable. Even factoring in the fact that one of the drinks is free, it's still plausible.

StealthArcher posted:

This is why winter movies are better. Heavy clothing and lots of hiding space.

Postal Parcel posted:

Is this 50ft Ant?

Postal Parcel posted:

Just take a big purse with you and put all your stuff in it

Khazar-khum posted:

If it were 50ft Ant, you'd hear all about his wife's giant boobs, plus details of his awesome collection of weaponry.

bringmyfishback posted:

They used to search our purses at the local movie theater. Inappropriate!

However, they never searched shopping bags. Way to go.

Drunk Tomato posted:

AskReddit thread: Redditors who have had to kill in self defense, Did you ever recover psychologically? What is it to live knowing you killed someone regardless you didn't want to do it?

Full of 100% real neckbeard baddasses who killed would-be thieves, attackers, and so on. Of course, hardly anyone feels any remorse (probably because its all bullshit)

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/39suml/seriousredditors_who_have_had_to_kill_in_self/

canyoneer posted:

I didn't end up suffering any legal consequences for it, as everyone else nearby hated him too and it was never really investigated. It worked out great for me. I ended up marrying my half-sister and becoming king of pride rock and the whole surrounding savanna.

canyoneer posted:

canyoneer posted:

I grew up in a really wealthy family. We lived in a small-ish rural community on the highest hill, and my dad was a fixture in local politics. I don't meant to boast, but things were really good and the whole family had a very comfortable life thanks to the wealth and influence of my father.
When I was young, my father unexpectedly died in a climbing accident. We were all devastated, and the empire that he had built fell apart rapidly. I ended up leaving home at a young age to go live with some friends of the family while mom tried to pick up all the pieces at home.

It was a really bad time for me, but I grew a lot personally when I went from a position of privilege to a humble upbringing with a couple of hippies. I'm so embarrassed now about how angsty and awful I probably was as a teenager to them, but they were so patient with me and remain mentors to me even today. I moved back home in my mid teens, now that I would be able to be more of a help than a burden to my mother.

Things were so bad. The property was in disarray, and unscrupulous scavengers swept in to fill the void left by my father's passing. I was surprised to see that my dad's brother was living there now. I adored that uncle when I was a kid, but learned over time that he was a manipulative, lazy mooch leeching off the family's wealth. He was still doing so, and was responsible for squandering almost all of it away.

I confronted him about it outside, and we ended up in a shouting match. He tried to justify his spending, and eventually even boasted that he was responsible for my dad's climbing accident. I lost my mind. I jumped on his back and started beating him down. I had never really been in a fight before, but I was stronger as a teen than my old, out-of-shape uncle. I shoved him, and he fell backwards off a ledge. He was dead when he hit the ground. The scariest part was that I didn't feel anything but satisfaction that I had killed him.

I didn't end up suffering any legal consequences for it, as everyone else nearby hated him too and it was never really investigated. It worked out great for me. I ended up marrying my half-sister and becoming king of pride rock and the whole surrounding savanna.

This Certainly Happened posted:

Prior to my visit, I went on line, made phone calls, got emissions tested, proof of insurance, obtained and filled out forms, so when I walked up to the next available rep and presented her with my plates, title, registration and paper work and said I wanted to get new plates and register my vehicle.

She started checking the different forms and then stopped and shook her head, looked up at me and said she needed talk to a supervisor. Standing there, watching her walk over to some older gentleman with coffee stained shirt and tie a from the 70’s, she shows him the forms and he is the phone and barely looks at them and waves her away. She walks back and says we can’t register your vehicle because its from a foreign country and there needs to be verification of my documents. I was surprised and a little angry so I said, in a slightly raised voice, No! New Mexico is not a foreign country, get your supervisor! She huffs and walks over to him and says “He’s being a problem” So he walks over and of course other agents stopped what they were doing and came over as well (in a sign of unity or back up?) Once again, in a more calmer voice, almost a growl, I repeated “New Mexico is not a foreign country”. The supervisor said if I continue to be unreasonable, they will summon the police and be escorted out.

By now others in the waiting area were watching this battle of common sense and bureaucracy and one of the citizens apparently ran out to his car and ran back in with his road atlas, opened to the two paged map of the whole country and pointed out New Mexico between Texas and Arizona. Sheepishly they began the process of going through the forms and giving me my new plates and registration. I gave them my check and said thank you and walked out. No one ever apologized or admitted being wrong.

Everblight posted:

quote:

A Tricky Discussion
Office | AB, Canada | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, New Hires

(A coworker and I do not get along at all. He has put me down at every opportunity. Even though we haven’t worked together in years, I hear through industry contacts that he still trashes me whenever he can. A new boss is hired for me, and I find that he and my old coworker were close colleagues. Eventually, I’m called into a ‘get to know the new boss’ meeting with my new boss, my boss’s boss, and his assistant. My new boss is doing his best to look very intimidating.)

New Boss: “So you’re [My Name], eh? I’m ready for your tricks. [Old Coworker] has told me all about you.”

Me: “Well, that’s unfortunate. For you see, there’s been some bad blood between me and [Old Coworker], and that’s no doubt tainted his perceptions of me. Perhaps if you elaborate on these ‘tricks’ he warned you of, I can better explain my side of the story.”

(My new boss sits stunned for a moment, not ready for this response. Struggling to respond, he points to his boss and blurts out…)

New Boss: “But he LOVES you.”

(My boss’s boss facepalmed.)

Tunicate posted:

boss boss boss

Tunicate posted:

boss boss boss