|
Crow Jane posted:My boss's five year old daughter is obsessed with presidents, for some reason. 
|
#
?
Jun 12, 2015 16:34
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 17, 2024 16:51 |
|
|
I work in the produce section at a grocery store, and a little girl was looking at peaches when her mom came over and asked if there were any that were soft. "There are a few, but a lot of these could kill someone."  She was totally right though, a lot of them were hard as rocks.
|
|
#
?
Jun 13, 2015 00:41
|
|
|
My mom and younger sister are watching 3 kids during the week this summer, a boy and two girls. Last week, they were all playing tag, and the boy and one of the girls ran into each other, and somehow, in the process, the boy managed to bite the girl he ran into. She then ran to go tell my mom. : HE BIT ME! : You don't know me. You don't know my life.
|
|
#
?
Jun 13, 2015 05:03
|
|
|
Crow Jane posted:My boss's five year old daughter is obsessed with presidents, for some reason. Makes him read her encyclopedia entries about them in lieu of bedtime stories, has a poster of all of them on her wall, etc. Last Christmas, he told her they were going to watch the Garfield special, one of his childhood favorites, and she got really excited. After a few minutes, she got really pouty and told him to turn it off. When he asked why, she replied, very accusingly: Sounds like the sweet girl who was on Ellen a little while ago https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFismjYRcRM Seems like these two would be the best of friends 
|
|
#
?
Jun 15, 2015 11:28
|
|
"
|
Aristophanes posted:Sounds like the sweet girl who was on Ellen a little while ago Oh my gosh! She's adorable. Re: videogame chat - when my niece was about three she crept into my room when I was playing World of Warcraft and watched wide-eyed as I killed a bandit or something, then dissolved into giggles for about half a minute, then got incredibly serious and said, "Is he really killed?" These days she plays Minecraft and is an indiscriminate slaughterer of villagers.
|
|
#
?
Jun 15, 2015 12:17
|
|
|
My little dude is turning two in July. He was lying on the changing table getting all set up for his nap and had been picking his nose a little bit. My wife hadn't been paying attention to what he had been doing. He gave my wife what he had found in there and when she asked what it was he responded with. "It's part of my nose."
|
|
#
?
Jun 15, 2015 17:28
|
|
|
There was a little kid at the train station the other day who was absolutely insistent that 'babies are louder than trains.' 'Well,' her mum says, 'some of them are very noisy.' 'BABIES ARE LOUDER THAN TRAINS.'
|
|
#
?
Jun 15, 2015 20:15
|
|
|
I'm not sure this counts, but this kid has an awesome reaction to something.
|
|
#
?
Jun 21, 2015 06:00
|
|
|
Saw this on buzzfeed but I thought it was loving great. When my daughter was 6-years-old I was pregnant with my second child. We explained to her that my egg and her daddy's sperm made her, and my egg and her step dad's sperm made the baby. My daughter's response? "That's really nice that you gave them each a turn."
|
|
#
?
Jun 21, 2015 20:56
|
|
|
I was skyping with my son, talking about 5 year old stuff and my 3 year old starting throwing a poo poo fit screaming how she "had to talk to daddy" and she had "to tell daddy something" so her uncle put the camera on her and she brushed her hair out of her face and said "um daddy? Youre handsome!" and then ran away to go play
|
|
#
?
Jun 21, 2015 21:19
|
|
|
omnibobb posted:I was skyping with my son, talking about 5 year old stuff and my 3 year old starting throwing a poo poo fit screaming how she "had to talk to daddy" and she had "to tell daddy something" so her uncle put the camera on her and she brushed her hair out of her face and said "um daddy? Youre handsome!" and then ran away to go play I love this.
|
|
#
?
Jun 22, 2015 01:58
|
|
|
My coworkers kid thought the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park were real, and then wondered how they had a camera to record them after being told dinosaurs died out millions of years ago. After finally being convinced Jurassic Park wasn't real, he said he knew for a fact that Walking Dead was the real deal. In his mind Georgia is overrun by zombies.
|
|
#
?
Jun 22, 2015 07:08
|
|
|
Die Laughing posted:My coworkers kid thought the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park were real, and then wondered how they had a camera to record them after being told dinosaurs died out millions of years ago. After finally being convinced Jurassic Park wasn't real, he said he knew for a fact that Walking Dead was the real deal. In his mind Georgia is overrun by zombies. He's not wrong.
|
|
#
?
Jun 22, 2015 07:12
|
|
|
omnibobb posted:I was skyping with my son, talking about 5 year old stuff and my 3 year old starting throwing a poo poo fit screaming how she "had to talk to daddy" and she had "to tell daddy something" so her uncle put the camera on her and she brushed her hair out of her face and said "um daddy? Youre handsome!" and then ran away to go play Well to be fair, it was pretty important. 
|
|
#
?
Jun 22, 2015 12:11
|
|
|
Tonight being Friday, I'm letting the 10-year-old stay up as late as he wants, on the condition that he put himself to bed, and if he's grumpy in the morning we'll rethink this plan. Kid, at 10:30, plopping on the couch: "Now, if only I had a bag of potato chips, and I liked soda ... I could be a real kid."
|
|
#
?
Jun 27, 2015 04:44
|
|
|
That's adorable. I find kids' definitions of states of being interesting - my daughter apparently feels that one of the conditions of "being a grownup" is wearing glasses, and will occasionally tell us that she wants to have clear glasses (as opposed to sunglasses) so that she can be a grownup. Logical enough, considering that all the adults regularly in her life wear glasses at least some of the time. I remember thinking, in the same vein, that I needed to learn to drink coffee to be a grownup, so I started asking for morning coffee around 12 or 13,.
|
|
#
?
Jun 27, 2015 13:43
|
|
|
My parents tried to discourage that by saying I could only drink coffee black. So I convinced myself to drink black coffee at age 13. I also have had a stomach ulcer.
|
|
#
?
Jun 27, 2015 14:45
|
|
|
Not gonna lie, I'm impressed.
|
|
#
?
Jun 27, 2015 14:52
|
|
|
Took my daughter (7) to the amusement park this week. She chose the first ride and began crying and being scared almost immediately after it began, but when it was over calmed down and chose a second which takes you upside down and same thing, as soon as it went inverted she started crying and saying she wanted it to end. Again she calms down and picks a third which brings you up 200 feet, holds you there, then lets you free fall. As soon as we get to the top she looks out over the park and sighs, "This is the worst day of my life."
|
|
#
?
Jun 27, 2015 15:51
|
|
|
Mulloy posted:Took my daughter (7) to the amusement park this week. She chose the first ride and began crying and being scared almost immediately after it began, but when it was over calmed down and chose a second which takes you upside down and same thing, as soon as it went inverted she started crying and saying she wanted it to end. Again she calms down and picks a third which brings you up 200 feet, holds you there, then lets you free fall. As soon as we get to the top she looks out over the park and sighs, "This is the worst day of my life." I'm sorry but I'm in tears of laughter trying to imagine this.
|
|
#
?
Jun 27, 2015 17:26
|
|
|
Mulloy posted:Took my daughter (7) to the amusement park this week. She chose the first ride and began crying and being scared almost immediately after it began, but when it was over calmed down and chose a second which takes you upside down and same thing, as soon as it went inverted she started crying and saying she wanted it to end. Again she calms down and picks a third which brings you up 200 feet, holds you there, then lets you free fall. As soon as we get to the top she looks out over the park and sighs, "This is the worst day of my life." She's just making sure she has the best story of how brave she is to tell her friends later!
|
|
#
?
Jun 27, 2015 18:01
|
|
|
AfroSquirrel posted:She's just making sure she has the best story of how brave she is to tell her friends later! Oh she's going to be the queen of the family when she gets to talk to her cousins and associates later this week.
|
|
#
?
Jun 27, 2015 18:52
|
|
|
Eponine posted:My parents tried to discourage that by saying I could only drink coffee black. So I convinced myself to drink black coffee at age 13. I don't mean to be pedantic, but coffee does not cause ulcers! 
|
|
#
?
Jun 28, 2015 03:03
|
|
|
Werner-Boogle posted:I don't mean to be pedantic, but coffee does not cause ulcers!
|
|
#
?
Jun 28, 2015 03:23
|
|
|
Prior to the local amusement park we went to Disneyland and she got one of those minnie mouse hats with the bridal veil/train on it. I randomly picked it up and put it on and said "Look! I'm a Disney Princess!" and immediately she responded with "No Dad, you're a Disney Queen." Throughout her life we've spoken to her with normal English, so she's never had the "baby" accent or what have you, but it pains me when I have to correct her. So far my desire to have her speak clearly has caused me to put an end to "Murdercycle" for motorcycle and "cantaloupe" for Antelope. (She was very excited to have found cantaloupe tracks.)
|
|
#
?
Jun 28, 2015 07:17
|
|
|
Mulloy posted:Prior to the local amusement park we went to Disneyland and she got one of those minnie mouse hats with the bridal veil/train on it. I randomly picked it up and put it on and said "Look! I'm a Disney Princess!" and immediately she responded with "No Dad, you're a Disney Queen." My niece called tomatoes "nay-nos" for way too long because we refused to stop encouraging it. Now her emoji game is top notch when she texts me on her grandma's phone (if you ignore the constant use of the smiling poop). The best one from her recent vacation was "I am kicking back and relaxing!!! [flying money flying money flying money]"
|
|
#
?
Jun 28, 2015 07:29
|
|
|
Werner-Boogle posted:I don't mean to be pedantic, but coffee does not cause ulcers! Ha! I knew it! Everytime I have some kind of physical ailment my boss says it's because of coffee. Turns out it doesn't cause migraines, either.
|
|
#
?
Jun 28, 2015 16:04
|
|
|
Caffeine withdrawal sure as hell can though. In Kids Say the Darndest things: When student teaching in an earth science classroom we were talking about natural resources and scarcity. We brought up artificial scarcity and diamonds and the actual teacher brought up an article that she had read about how people were having their cremains turned into diamonds. Which lead to one kid saying "So wait, you're saying that when I propose, instead of using my grandmother's ring, I can propose *WITH* my grandmother!?"
|
|
#
?
Jun 28, 2015 17:33
|
|
|
To be fair I immediately thought the same type of thing.
|
|
#
?
Jun 29, 2015 07:13
|
|
|
Mulloy posted:Prior to the local amusement park we went to Disneyland and she got one of those minnie mouse hats with the bridal veil/train on it. I randomly picked it up and put it on and said "Look! I'm a Disney Princess!" and immediately she responded with "No Dad, you're a Disney Queen." You're making the world a less fun place.
|
|
#
?
Jun 29, 2015 22:59
|
|
|
Or eldest, who is 3, has only recently really understood what dreams are. This just happened as my wife was putting the kids to bed: Zach: Mummy, I had another dream. Wife: Oh yes darling? What was it about? Zach: Dinosaurs, and it was scary. I loved it.
|
|
#
?
Jun 30, 2015 12:42
|
|
|
From my friend's Facebook. She has an adorable, precocious nearly-3-year-old daughter. Kid: "I need you to open my fire truck." Mom: "Does it open?" Kid: "Yes, it opens very well." Mom: "How do I open it?" Kid: "You need to get a hammer."
|
|
#
?
Jul 2, 2015 18:53
|
|
|
Borrowed my 4 year old niece's iPad for a moment and Siri said "Hello, Hairy Buttface"
|
|
#
?
Jul 5, 2015 03:28
|
|
|
Friday night was town fireworks. Beforehand while waiting the crowd spied some chinese lanterns floating off. The toddler in the group waved at them and happily said "bye! See you later!"
|
|
#
?
Jul 5, 2015 18:59
|
|
|
My 7-year-old just came in to tell me, "My brain is hurting because I watched a video about the ways you die in a black hole and they're messing with the rules of the universe."
|
|
#
?
Jul 12, 2015 17:58
|
|
|
My 6 year old boy was beside me watching some youtube video about making tires or something and I heard him mumble to himself "Hmmmm I hope I remember this when i'm an adult"
|
|
#
?
Jul 12, 2015 18:18
|
|
|
I bought my 2 1/2 year old a plush cheeseburger for $5. He's been carrying it around all day saying "I love you, Cheeseburger" I crack up every time.
|
|
#
?
Jul 14, 2015 03:14
|
|
|
pookel posted:My 7-year-old just came in to tell me, "My brain is hurting because I watched a video about the ways you die in a black hole and they're messing with the rules of the universe." Every time you tell stories about your kid, I imagine he's a really short adult you live with, because that's how he seems tbh
|
|
#
?
Jul 14, 2015 04:11
|
|
|
My son isn't quite two so he doesn't string words together nearly as often as he says them individually, but when he does it's virtually guaranteed he'll be saying "hot baby."
|
|
#
?
Jul 14, 2015 15:46
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 17, 2024 16:51 |
|
|
cash crab posted:Every time you tell stories about your kid, I imagine he's a really short adult you live with, because that's how he seems tbh So basically he's a very short goon, yeah.
|
|
#
?
Jul 14, 2015 15:58
|
|