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Errant Gin Monks
Oct 2, 2009

"Yeah..."
- Marshawn Lynch
:hawksin:
Beaten by the beer can. It doesn't actually do anything, in fact because the thermal mass of the liquid takes longer to heat up it actually retards cooking the interior of the bird. Your better off buying one of the those 5 dollar bird stands.

Vertically cooking a bird is loving bad rear end though. It helps a lot

Get this thingy

http://www.amazon.com/Bayou-Classic-0880-PDQ-Stainless-Steel-ChickCAN/dp/B0009JXYR8

Or use an empty beer can.

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neogeo0823
Jul 4, 2007

NO THAT'S NOT ME!!

Eh, personally, I've never had a problem getting perfectly cooked chicken using the traditional half-full can. The inner-most meat always turns out beautifully moist and perfectly done. In fact, I'd guess that the thermal mass of the beer helps to stop the interior of the chicken from cooking too quickly, which helps to prevent it from drying out, should you leave it on for too long.

Fo3
Feb 14, 2004

RAAAAARGH!!!! GIFT CARDS ARE FUCKING RETARDED!!!!

(I need a hug)
The interior isn't going to dry out. The exterior will before the interior is cooked though. Not that the beer can causes that, just that it's useless to do anything.
Beer can chicken is not a very good idea.

Being this is the poor thread, split up the carcass and roast the wings and drumsticks separate to the rest of the bird. You get that "roast" flavour for a treat, but with a quick cook time.
Use the thighs for a curry or stew. Use the breasts for a stir-fry, risotto, pasta dish or with steamed veg and sauce or with a salad.
E: When I buy a whole chickens I always break it down like that. Sometimes though I get lucky and my local shop sells 2kg bags frozen chicken pieces for $4 to save me even butchering a whole chook myself and that's insanely cheap.

Fo3 fucked around with this message at 16:30 on Jun 27, 2015

Unzip and Attack
Mar 3, 2008

USPOL May
My wife tends to buy more broccoli and carrots than we use, so if they are on the verge of going bad without being eaten, I dice 2-3 large carrots, several heads of broccoli, then put it in a bowl and add a small shot of peanut or sesame oil, a tsp of low sodium soy sauce, a tbsp of sriracha, and a small handful of peanuts. It's got a great flavor and texture combo and hits that salty snack itch. Super cheap and as a meal it would go great over rice.

bowmore
Oct 6, 2008



Lipstick Apathy
You can also chop them up and freeze them before they go bad too

Fo3
Feb 14, 2004

RAAAAARGH!!!! GIFT CARDS ARE FUCKING RETARDED!!!!

(I need a hug)

Unzip and Attack posted:

My wife tends to buy more broccoli and carrots than we use, so if they are on the verge of going bad without being eaten, I dice 2-3 large carrots, several heads of broccoli, then put it in a bowl and add a small shot of peanut or sesame oil, a tsp of low sodium soy sauce, a tbsp of sriracha, and a small handful of peanuts. It's got a great flavor and texture combo and hits that salty snack itch. Super cheap and as a meal it would go great over rice.

Similar here, though it's often scallions, celery, cabbage, bell peppers/capsicums, as well carrots and broccoli.
Chuck in some stock, ginger and lao gan ma paste (recommend getting some of that rather than using sriracha), and it makes a good meal with noodles or rice.

Pron on VHS
Nov 14, 2005

Blood Clots
Sweat Dries
Bones Heal
Suck it Up and Keep Wrestling
Is it easier or tastier to roast a whole chicken in an oven, or a slow cooker?

SymmetryrtemmyS
Jul 13, 2013

I got super tired of seeing your avatar throwing those fuckin' glasses around in the astrology thread so I fixed it to a .jpg

Pron on VHS posted:

Is it easier or tastier to roast a whole chicken in an oven, or a slow cooker?

You can't roast in a slow cooker. You will end up with a braise, which is a wholly different texture. For my money, oven.

Robo Boogie Bot
Sep 4, 2011

SymmetryrtemmyS posted:

You can't roast in a slow cooker. You will end up with a braise, which is a wholly different texture. For my money, oven.

And not a good braise either, it will be a whole chicken with floppy, wet skin.

SymmetryrtemmyS
Jul 13, 2013

I got super tired of seeing your avatar throwing those fuckin' glasses around in the astrology thread so I fixed it to a .jpg

Robo Boogie Bot posted:

And not a good braise either, it will be a whole chicken with floppy, wet skin.

It could more accurately be termed a lazy simmersteam.

Pron on VHS
Nov 14, 2005

Blood Clots
Sweat Dries
Bones Heal
Suck it Up and Keep Wrestling
I know this sounds stupid but I am planning on peeling the skin off anyways for health purposes and just eat the meat underneath, so I am okay with non-crispy skin. I'd prefer slow cooking to oven roasting because it lets this be a weekday thing.

I was going to follow this pretty simple recipe for slow cooking a whole chicken: http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/2011/02/25/recipe-the-best-whole-chicken-in-a-crock-pot/

SymmetryrtemmyS
Jul 13, 2013

I got super tired of seeing your avatar throwing those fuckin' glasses around in the astrology thread so I fixed it to a .jpg

Pron on VHS posted:

I know this sounds stupid but I am planning on peeling the skin off anyways for health purposes and just eat the meat underneath, so I am okay with non-crispy skin. I'd prefer slow cooking to oven roasting because it lets this be a weekday thing.

I was going to follow this pretty simple recipe for slow cooking a whole chicken: http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/2011/02/25/recipe-the-best-whole-chicken-in-a-crock-pot/

The meat will be kind of mushy compared to a roasted chicken, but have at.

Another real good chicken thing is Jamie Oliver's milk chicken. Sounds weird and gross, but you will not believe the incredible creamy warm flavor and silken texture. It's my favorite way to cook a whole chicken as a family meal.

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001

Passion’s Wrench

Pron on VHS posted:

I know this sounds stupid but I am planning on peeling the skin off anyways for health purposes and just eat the meat underneath, so I am okay with non-crispy skin. I'd prefer slow cooking to oven roasting because it lets this be a weekday thing.

I was going to follow this pretty simple recipe for slow cooking a whole chicken: http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/2011/02/25/recipe-the-best-whole-chicken-in-a-crock-pot/
Well if you are ditching the skin for health purposes, take the skin off before slow cooking, dry rub those spices right on the meat, and put the bird breast side down on the onions. If you leave the skin on plenty of fat will render away from the skin to everything else. Maybe even spatchcock it. Cook on low for 8 hours while at work. It's a simple thing.

CommonShore
Jun 6, 2014

A true renaissance man


I've never tried the beer can but it seems like it would risk just getting can paint all over my chicken. I don't want can paint on my chicken.

Birb Katter
Sep 18, 2010

BOATS STOPPED
CARBON TAX AXED
TURNBULL AS PM
LIBERALS WILL BE RE-ELECTED IN A LANDSLIDE

CommonShore posted:

I've never tried the beer can but it seems like it would risk just getting can paint all over my chicken. I don't want can paint on my chicken.

This chicken is brought to you by Tennents Extra Special.

neogeo0823
Jul 4, 2007

NO THAT'S NOT ME!!

CommonShore posted:

I've never tried the beer can but it seems like it would risk just getting can paint all over my chicken. I don't want can paint on my chicken.
The paint on the can doesn't go anywhere. From my experience, the only thing that happens is that the juices get all over the can, so you have to be a bit careful when pulling the can out of the bird's rear end, so the juices and beer don't get everywhere.

Also,

Fo3 posted:

The interior isn't going to dry out. The exterior will before the interior is cooked though. Not that the beer can causes that, just that it's useless to do anything.
Beer can chicken is not a very good idea.
I don't think you've ever actually made beer can chicken. If you have, and the outside of your chicken dried out before the inside was cooked, you did it on a barbeque that was far and away too hot, or directly on top of the coals. Or you and I have vastly different ideas of what constitutes "done" chicken, I dunno. I'm not going to pretend I'm some master of the dish, but I've made it enough to know that it's idiot-proof, cheap, easy, and results in a lot of tasty, juicy meat and well seasoned bones and skin for stock. You can argue the physics of using a can or whatever till the bird is done, but I have made this dish multiple times and every time it's come out amazingly well.

Tendales
Mar 9, 2012
Beer can chicken evangelism is the funniest drat thing.

For real, though, use anything to hold that chicken up. Just don't use, like, a single piece bundt pan that traps all the drippings against the bird and makes things soggy. If it lets air circulate, that's even better. You could probably rig something out of a paper towel holder, and it would work at least as well, probably better than, a beer can. Literally the only upside of using a beer can is availability.

SymmetryrtemmyS
Jul 13, 2013

I got super tired of seeing your avatar throwing those fuckin' glasses around in the astrology thread so I fixed it to a .jpg
You say you should use something stable and metallic with good air circulation that fits in the cavity and still leaves room for other stuff in there? well...

Birb Katter
Sep 18, 2010

BOATS STOPPED
CARBON TAX AXED
TURNBULL AS PM
LIBERALS WILL BE RE-ELECTED IN A LANDSLIDE

SymmetryrtemmyS posted:

You say you should use something stable and metallic with good air circulation that fits in the cavity and still leaves room for other stuff in there? well...



They're for bananas not chickens.

Suspect Bucket
Jan 15, 2012

SHRIMPDOR WAS A MAN
I mean, HE WAS A SHRIMP MAN
er, maybe also A DRAGON
or possibly
A MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM
BUT HE WAS STILL
SHRIMPDOR

Birb Katter posted:

They're for bananas not chickens.

For when you don't want anyone touching your banana without your express permission. Especially when it's attached to someone else.

Tendales
Mar 9, 2012
You'll probably want to wash those first. Otherwise, perfect.

SymmetryrtemmyS
Jul 13, 2013

I got super tired of seeing your avatar throwing those fuckin' glasses around in the astrology thread so I fixed it to a .jpg

Tendales posted:

You'll probably want to wash those first. Otherwise, perfect.

Of course. You should wash anything that touches poultry.

Or bananas.

Adult Sword Owner
Jun 19, 2011

u deserve diploma for sublime comedy expertise
Just butterfly your chicken

There's no reason not to at this point

burnsep
Jul 3, 2005
I just got a slow cooker out of curiosity and made an amazing pork loin, following [url]this http://allrecipes.com/recipe/amazing-pork-tenderloin-in-the-slow-cooker/[/url] recipe (Note- add some sugar or honey to cut the wine if possible). I now want to integrate this amazing thing into more of my regular cooking- is there a good page with recipes that a sloooow person can follow?

One thing- my slow cooker is actually a rice cooker and only slow cooks on "high". Is this normal?

The Lord Bude
May 23, 2007

ASK ME ABOUT MY SHITTY, BOUGIE INTERIOR DECORATING ADVICE

burnsep posted:

One thing- my slow cooker is actually a rice cooker and only slow cooks on "high". Is this normal?

I suspect the only thing you're missing out on by not having a low setting is food poisoning.

Nicol Bolas
Feb 13, 2009

burnsep posted:

I just got a slow cooker out of curiosity and made an amazing pork loin, following [url]this http://allrecipes.com/recipe/amazing-pork-tenderloin-in-the-slow-cooker/[/url] recipe (Note- add some sugar or honey to cut the wine if possible). I now want to integrate this amazing thing into more of my regular cooking- is there a good page with recipes that a sloooow person can follow?

One thing- my slow cooker is actually a rice cooker and only slow cooks on "high". Is this normal?

I'm sorry, but this is not a good recipe. Pork tenderloin is a lean (and prime) cut, like chicken breast, and slow-cooking it is a waste or meat that is already tender. Roast a pork tenderloin. Slow cook pork butt, shoulder, beef shank, chicken legs, etc--fatty, cheap cuts with lots of connective tissue that benefit from being broken down over a long cooking time.

I'm not trying to come to your house and stop you doing something you like, but I wouldn't recommend that in a thread focusing on cheap food (tenderloin is expensive) or good food (tenderloin turns to mush in a slow cooker; its not tender or juicy, its meat porridge).

neogeo0823
Jul 4, 2007

NO THAT'S NOT ME!!

Nicol Bolas posted:

I'm sorry, but this is not a good recipe. Pork tenderloin is a lean (and prime) cut, like chicken breast, and slow-cooking it is a waste or meat that is already tender. Roast a pork tenderloin. Slow cook pork butt, shoulder, beef shank, chicken legs, etc--fatty, cheap cuts with lots of connective tissue that benefit from being broken down over a long cooking time.

I'm not trying to come to your house and stop you doing something you like, but I wouldn't recommend that in a thread focusing on cheap food (tenderloin is expensive) or good food (tenderloin turns to mush in a slow cooker; its not tender or juicy, its meat porridge).

I'm not disagreeing with this, but you're completely forgetting how good slow cooker pulled pork or pulled chicken breast can be.

SymmetryrtemmyS
Jul 13, 2013

I got super tired of seeing your avatar throwing those fuckin' glasses around in the astrology thread so I fixed it to a .jpg

neogeo0823 posted:

I'm not disagreeing with this, but you're completely forgetting how good slow cooker pulled pork or pulled chicken breast can be.

If you start with pork shoulder instead of tenderloin, your food will be unimaginably more delicious.

Shoulder is also among the cheapest cuts of pork, apropos to this thread.

Daedalus Esquire
Mar 30, 2008

neogeo0823 posted:

...you're completely forgetting how good slow cooker pulled pork...

No, use butt or shoulder. My old room mate would always do tenderloin pulled pork because it's more expensive and thus a "better" cut. It was dry flavorless garbage. Using a butt of shoulder is way better because they actually have fat content which adds all that rich unctuous flavor and keeps the meat moist.

Nicol Bolas
Feb 13, 2009

Daedalus Esquire posted:

No, use butt or shoulder. My old room mate would always do tenderloin pulled pork because it's more expensive and thus a "better" cut. It was dry flavorless garbage. Using a butt of shoulder is way better because they actually have fat content which adds all that rich unctuous flavor and keeps the meat moist.

This, but also pork butt has connective tissue / collagen that would make it tough if cooked quickly. In a slow cooker, that same stuff that makes it too tough to eat when cooked quickly breaks down into delicious gelatin. Tenderloin has none of that. Tenderloin is tender when cooked quickly. All a slow cooker does is overcook a cut like that.

I completely agree that pulled pork is delicious, but if you're making it with tenderloin, you're not making pulled pork, you're making sad barbeque sauce flavor meat porridge. Ditto chicken breast. Use thigh.

Nicol Bolas fucked around with this message at 17:56 on Jul 19, 2015

CannonFodder
Jan 26, 2001

Passion’s Wrench
While on the subject of pork shoulder, here's a tip: Check the price of a whole shoulder/butt against pork country ribs. When I worked at Harris Teeter in the meat department, sometimes there would be a sale on country ribs, which is just shoulder cut with the bone saw into manageable pieces, and priced cheaply because that was the loss leader sale of the week. When it was on sale it was cheaper than the whole shoulder.

Sometimes the whole shoulder would go on sale, and I would buy 4 of them to make kielbasa. Good times.

10 Beers
May 21, 2005

Shit! I didn't bring a knife.

Kroger has pork shoulder on sale for $1.39 a pound, so my girlfriend and I bought an 8 pound package. We're gonna divide it into four separate sections and freeze it. We're thinking of what we can make with it, and I figured I'd come here and ask for ideas and recipes.

Butch Cassidy
Jul 28, 2010

Carnitas, plain old pulled pork, ground pork, sausage, cube some and mix with beef in a chili to lower the bill while still having a pot-o-meat.

E: Kale soup. Make some kale soup with red beans, cubed pork shoulder, some Portuguese sausage for flavor, kale, and potatoes.

EAT THE EGGS RICOLA
May 29, 2008

If you're going to freeze it, please don't throw it direct from frozen into the slow cooker, it won't heat up quickly enough to not enter the danger zone for too long.

THE MACHO MAN
Nov 15, 2007

...Carey...

draw me like one of your French Canadian girls
if it's bone in don't discard the bone. Those are wonderful in beans, stews, chilis, etc.tpork

Bob Morales
Aug 18, 2006


Just wear the fucking mask, Bob

I don't care how many people I probably infected with COVID-19 while refusing to wear a mask, my comfort is far more important than the health and safety of everyone around me!

Nicol Bolas posted:

I'm sorry, but this is not a good recipe. Pork tenderloin is a lean (and prime) cut, like chicken breast, and slow-cooking it is a waste or meat that is already tender. Roast a pork tenderloin.

I buy the ones at the store that are packaged like this:



(you can buy ones in different flavor marinades if you want to save a step)

Season it, throw it in a hot pan with some oil and sear it on both sides and then plop it in the oven for 20 minutes or so. You want it pink a little bit of course, white+juicy is fine if you're cooking it for your grandma who won't eat anything pink, but you don't want it gray.

Let it rest and then slice it up, make a sauce witch what's left in the pan, serve with mash and a veg...

The leftovers make absolutely loving insane sandwiches though. Hell, cook one up for that specific purpose. Mustard, pickles, swiss, makes for great wannabe cubans.

theres a will theres moe
Jan 10, 2007


Hair Elf

Bob Morales posted:

I buy the ones at the store that are packaged like this:



(you can buy ones in different flavor marinades if you want to save a step)

Season it, throw it in a hot pan with some oil and sear it on both sides and then plop it in the oven for 20 minutes or so. You want it pink a little bit of course, white+juicy is fine if you're cooking it for your grandma who won't eat anything pink, but you don't want it gray.

Let it rest and then slice it up, make a sauce witch what's left in the pan, serve with mash and a veg...

The leftovers make absolutely loving insane sandwiches though. Hell, cook one up for that specific purpose. Mustard, pickles, swiss, makes for great wannabe cubans.

I think the texture is a lot better when cooked past pink. Also I think it's pointless to try to sear the ones that are marinated in their packaging, especially if the sauce is sugary at all.

Pork tenderloin is good as gently caress and super easy to cook. Too bad it's sort of expensive.

theres a will theres moe
Jan 10, 2007


Hair Elf
You can also slice a tenderloin into thick medallions, wrap the medallions in bacon, skewer, and freeze them. If you cook for one, its great to buy and process your own meat into portions like this.

Thaw & throw on the grill or smoker for a much cheaper, tastier, and more forgiving-to-gently caress-up meal than its filet mignon cousin. Edit: I usually use a pair of tenderloins for this. Hence the skewers.

Also you can sort of cut into one lengthwise and 'un-roll' it. Slather it with ground up pistachios and basil and garlic or whatever you like, roll it back up, tie it, and throw in the oven or grill. Makes you look like you know how to cook.

The Midniter
Jul 9, 2001

Bob Morales posted:

I buy the ones at the store that are packaged like this:




PORK: BE INSPIRED


:what:

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Kafka Esq.
Jan 1, 2005

"If you ever even think about calling me anything but 'The Crab' I will go so fucking crab on your ass you won't even see what crab'd your crab" -The Crab(TM)
It's working, I've got half a tenderloin already just looking at that thing.

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