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With WPD don't they give you the option to pre-print an address on your RSVP envelopes? I'm pretty sure the average person's IQ drops by a significant percentage once they have an RSVP in their hands. They probably threw away the outer envelope long before they got around to filling out the RSVP card, too.
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Jun 26, 2015 23:20
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:With WPD don't they give you the option to pre-print an address on your RSVP envelopes? There might have been honestly, but I must have missed it. Also we were trying to avoid anything that might have been an up-charge as we had just dropped 6 Gs to move into a new apartment around that time. We should be fine to pay off everything for our wedding unless everyone we invited decides to come, but seriously don't quit your job and move halfway across the country three months before you get married! And yeah, per my mom at least one person threw the envelope with our return address on it in the trash before even looking at the RSVP card, but fortunately we put a link to our wedding website on the invite itself. As soon as she told me people were calling her asking where to send stuff I went and added a section at the top of our site saying "RSVPs go to this address! E-mail me if you can't figure something out!" Just as long as my poor mother doesn't have everyone calling her asking where to send RSVPs. Though on the other hand a quarter of the guest list is her friends so she can deal with them. Also, welcome to the thread (more) gay goons 
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Jun 27, 2015 04:16
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We had a problem where people thought that the Yes and No portion of the RSVP was for whether they had a dietary restriction or not, so we got back like, 10 that we initially thought were "No's" until one came from someone we knew was coming. Hunting those people down wasn't a whole lot of fun while we were planning everything else.
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Jun 27, 2015 12:38
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I'm starting to freak out because we have our invites and everything ready to go except that we bought a custom wax seal stamper to close the envelope that hasn't arrived yet. We already sent out a Save the Date so everyone knows when it is already, but if I have set that I need responses by August 5th, is a month long enough for people to get invites and respond?
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Jun 27, 2015 18:17
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Wow... So after much back and forth about the wedding date, ranging from sometime in April or June or possibly September of next year, we finally found a date that worked for both our ceremony and reception venues while not being interfered with by the crazy busy festival schedule in Memphis. We signed our contract yesterday and joyously sent a text to the family group chat. Everyone was happy and excited...except my mom, who's response was "Way to pick a date that I can't go. Day after tax day." She's an admin at a trust company and said no one is allowed vacation time until after that day. First, she never said a word about it, even when we were discussing dates throughout April. Second, it's ten months away, plenty of time to work something out with her boss to get someone else to cover or allow her to work remotely (which she's done in the past). Third, tax day is a Friday, the wedding is Saturday...even if they refuse her vacation request, I can fly her in that evening and she can still be there. She is throwing a massive hissy-fit about how I am being unaccomodating and should have picked a different date. Now she won't speak to me. It's going to be a fun year...
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Jun 27, 2015 19:09
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Tell her you aren't dealing with children until after the wedding.
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Jun 27, 2015 20:09
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KasioDiscoRock posted:I'm starting to freak out because we have our invites and everything ready to go except that we bought a custom wax seal stamper to close the envelope that hasn't arrived yet. We already sent out a Save the Date so everyone knows when it is already, but if I have set that I need responses by August 5th, is a month long enough for people to get invites and respond? Our deadline is 8/1, we sent out invites on 6/9 and have gotten 22 out of 85 back. Be sure to put postage stamps on your RSVP envelopes, we didn't  Do you have a website setup for RSVPs? You might be making phone calls. bathhouse fucked around with this message at 00:19 on Jun 30, 2015 |
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Jun 30, 2015 00:16
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bathhouse posted:Our deadline is 8/1, we sent out invites on 6/9 and have gotten 22 out of 85 back. Be sure to put postage stamps on your RSVP envelopes, we didn't We do have a website set up for it, and also helps that more than half of the guest list are people we see at least every few weeks. The wedding itself isn't until a month after the day I'm asking people to respond by, simply because it's the same date our block booking for the hotel expires and it seemed easier than having 2 different dates for people to remember, so I'll have lots of time to track people down who hadn't answered yet. I'm feeling a lot better after reading multiple websites suggesting invites be sent 6-8 weeks in advance, and I'm still within that window of time.
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Jun 30, 2015 03:11
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Your vendors don't require a solid locked down guest list a month out? Both my venue and caterer had a month out as their hard deadline for head counts. We got a bit of a grace period since a month out for us was Christmas, but all our contracts said they needed a hard number at least 30 days out. If you're just starting to chase people down at the 30 days mark that's cutting it close. We had our deadline 5 days before we needed numbers so we had time to
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Jun 30, 2015 17:51
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Help a lady out who doesn't know poo poo about weddings... For me the thought of having a bridal shower is terrifying. I'm just not the kind of person who wants to be "showered" with attention like that. Also, we aren't having a registry and it feels awkward to me to have a bridal shower when a registry isn't involved. I understand it's also a time for the families to celebrate the bride and such but I see both sides of the family pretty often and having a shower just feels silly. Now, on top of feeling this way, my soon to be mother in law told me she's planning to host a SECOND separate bridal shower of her own. I told her I wasn't sure how I felt about that since I already feel a bit uncomfortable with the idea of one! Also, I felt offended since she doesn't even know what my mom's planning for a bridal shower yet and it feels a little rude for her to just come to me and say she's planning a separate shower where our families will be separated. I don't know about this stuff, is this normal? I was already freaking about about ONE shower, but TWO? Man, if I can get out of having a bridal shower all together I'd be so happy.
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Jun 30, 2015 20:41
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Aquatic Giraffe posted:Your vendors don't require a solid locked down guest list a month out? Both my venue and caterer had a month out as their hard deadline for head counts. Ours is 15 days before. Which still leaves me with 2 weeks to track down people who haven't answered by our deadline, and finish a seating plan (everyone has choice of meal so the venue needs to know exactly who's sitting where).
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Jun 30, 2015 21:57
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Apple Jax posted:Help a lady out who doesn't know poo poo about weddings... For me the thought of having a bridal shower is terrifying. I'm just not the kind of person who wants to be "showered" with attention like that. Also, we aren't having a registry and it feels awkward to me to have a bridal shower when a registry isn't involved. I understand it's also a time for the families to celebrate the bride and such but I see both sides of the family pretty often and having a shower just feels silly. The whole "second shower" thing is offensive. Don't feel bad that you feel that way, because it is rude to hold a second shower like that. My fiancé wasn't a fan of a shower either, and my aunt told her if she didn't want one they'd just take a few people out for brunch and buy her something nice. It took a little time, but now she is excited to have the shower. I think it was just the stress of thinking it was another thing to plan and prepare for. I am thinking you may feel a bit better about it as the day approaches. Just relax and have a mimosa (?), beer, or glass of wine and hang out with friends and family. As far as that second shower goes...I'd be inclined to tell your future in law that you just don't have time for ANOTHER, unnecessary bridal shower. You eventually have to tell people 'no' when it comes to the wedding...I learned that early.
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Jul 1, 2015 14:26
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I think a second shower could be acceptable with a good reason. My sister ended up having two showers because her husband's family lives way, waaay up there in the UP and no one would have been able to make the five hour car trip.
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Jul 1, 2015 14:43
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OssiansFolly posted:The whole "second shower" thing is offensive. Don't feel bad that you feel that way, because it is rude to hold a second shower like that. Robo Boogie Bot posted:I think a second shower could be acceptable with a good reason. My sister ended up having two showers because her husband's family lives way, waaay up there in the UP and no one would have been able to make the five hour car trip.
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Jul 1, 2015 15:27
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Apple Jax posted:Help a lady out who doesn't know poo poo about weddings... For me the thought of having a bridal shower is terrifying. I'm just not the kind of person who wants to be "showered" with attention like that. Also, we aren't having a registry and it feels awkward to me to have a bridal shower when a registry isn't involved. I understand it's also a time for the families to celebrate the bride and such but I see both sides of the family pretty often and having a shower just feels silly. What about just an engagement party instead? That involves both of the people getting married, and honestly serves the same overall purpose. That way you can split the attention between you and your SO.
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Jul 1, 2015 19:23
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Cavatica posted:What about just an engagement party instead? That involves both of the people getting married, and honestly serves the same overall purpose. That way you can split the attention between you and your SO.
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Jul 1, 2015 20:21
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Apple Jax posted:I get this, but both of our families live about an hour's drive from each other. But I don't—For me to get to future mother in-law's house, it takes over 3 hours door to door and involves taking 2 subways, a train and then a car. I kinda feel like it's unfair to have me shlep all this way for a 2nd shower. We're already having the reception for the wedding near her house so I've already compromised here! Anyway, I'm just ranting at this point. Thanks for letting me vent. Uh, if they want you to come they should provide transportation for you. Making you schlep all the way there using public transportation is rude. I told my family/in-laws that I'd attend a bridal shower if all I had to do was show up and someone else did all the work. No one threw me one 
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Jul 1, 2015 20:29
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Yeah my fiancé and I are doing a couples shower because my fiancé's family lives overseas and if it were a bridal shower she would be sitting around with my mom, a bunch of my mom's friends (that she's never met and will never see again), and maybe my sister. Honestly we don't care if we do a shower or not but my mom's friend who lives next door really wants to put one on for us, and it's also going to be our last chance to do on-site wedding planning before the big day so we're planning to do some of that as well. And if they want to shower us with gifts and free food then I say loving go for it, ladies. So yeah, see if your fiancé will go with you. Don't fly it solo if you're uncomfortable with that.
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Jul 1, 2015 20:36
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Word of caution: My fiancee and I felt a little "meh" on the idea of a shower, but if we had not gone through with it, a large portion of her family would have been pretty pissed about it. Everyone's situation is different, but we didn't feel the need to blow up that relationship because of it. My father-in-law had a little lunch get together for the dudes, since it ended up being a fairly traditional affair. Insisting on a second one is pretty insane though, especially if you have to travel far for it. Is there anyway you could insist it at least happen near you? For those types of things, I sort of put the onus on the person to make it as convenient for me as possible whenever that popped up. One person at my wedding wanted a photo of every single person on my dad's side in one giant group during the reception, and implied that I should be the one to set it up. I said I'd be happy to pose if they can get everyone together for it, but I had a lot of other things to do and couldn't be bothered to round everyone up.
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Jul 1, 2015 20:58
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Max posted:Insisting on a second one is pretty insane though, especially if you have to travel far for it. Is there anyway you could insist it at least happen near you? We'll see what the moms say about the engagement party idea...thanks again dear goons and the best of luck to you and your sanities as well.
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Jul 1, 2015 21:49
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Is it typical for the person throwing the engagement party to also be the maid of honor? One of my friends has jumped into planning and hosting an engagement party for me and my husbando-to-be but I had someone else in mind. I know everyone will say "pick who you really want," but I feel like my friend is really angling herself for this role? I guess the cop-out route is to declare my sister my maid of honor but I'm not actually very close to her. Doesn't a maid of honor have certain responsibilities or something related to hair or makeup? If not I should make my brother who I actually am close to my dude of honor.
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Jul 1, 2015 21:54
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Xibanya posted:Is it typical for the person throwing the engagement party to also be the maid of honor? One of my friends has jumped into planning and hosting an engagement party for me and my husbando-to-be but I had someone else in mind. I know everyone will say "pick who you really want," but I feel like my friend is really angling herself for this role? I guess the cop-out route is to declare my sister my maid of honor but I'm not actually very close to her. Doesn't a maid of honor have certain responsibilities or something related to hair or makeup? If not I should make my brother who I actually am close to my dude of honor. My FMIL and FSIL hosted our engagement party, from everything I've read family hosts those kinds of parties and the MOH (along with the other bridesmaids/men) host/plan the Bachelorette party. But no, the MOH doesn't really have any other responsibilities, none of the wedding party has any responsibilities besides show up smiling and sober wearing what you've agreed that they will wear, everything else is extra and if they volunteer to help/host things, you can accept. Name who you want as MOH, don't get bullied into making a choice you wouldn't make otherwise.
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Jul 2, 2015 12:45
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ilysespieces posted:My FMIL and FSIL hosted our engagement party, from everything I've read family hosts those kinds of parties and the MOH (along with the other bridesmaids/men) host/plan the Bachelorette party. But no, the MOH doesn't really have any other responsibilities, none of the wedding party has any responsibilities besides show up smiling and sober wearing what you've agreed that they will wear, everything else is extra and if they volunteer to help/host things, you can accept. Depends who you talk to...in the "olden days" that wasn't the case. Back in the day the Best Man was responsible for purchasing the wedding cake and being the signatures (along with Maid of Honor) as witnesses to the marriage. Things have REALLY changed lately and it is less about the tradition, but the responsibilities beyond the bachelor party used to exist. Xibanya posted:Is it typical for the person throwing the engagement party to also be the maid of honor? One of my friends has jumped into planning and hosting an engagement party for me and my husbando-to-be but I had someone else in mind. I know everyone will say "pick who you really want," but I feel like my friend is really angling herself for this role? I guess the cop-out route is to declare my sister my maid of honor but I'm not actually very close to her. Doesn't a maid of honor have certain responsibilities or something related to hair or makeup? If not I should make my brother who I actually am close to my dude of honor. Honestly, I don't think there is anything that dictates this. Why not just get the two people that want to do it together and spread the love out. I am sure they will be happier with the extra set of hands, and it is always nice when someone helps balance the cost of hosting a party.
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Jul 2, 2015 14:52
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Wedding videographers: waste of money? Or terrible waste of money? I've already spent $3k on photographers, but looks like that's not enough, we need video evidence.
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Jul 7, 2015 00:00
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bathhouse posted:Wedding videographers: waste of money? Or terrible waste of money? Not a terrible waste of money IMO. Not everyone wants a videographer and that's fine, but not recording your ceremony/other moments could lead to regret down the road, whereas skimping on other items like booze and invitations usually doesn't matter in the end. Photography was more important to us than videography, but videography was a priority too.
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Jul 7, 2015 00:56
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It really comes down to asking yourselves if you're really, actually, truly going to sit down and watch your wedding video ever. Are you willing to spend several thousands of dollars to watch your video once because you paid for it so might as well watch it? Or are you the types who'll bust it out every anniversary? We knew we weren't ever going to do that so we didn't get video. We haven't even thought about getting an album of pictures either. We have digital copies of our photos and loaded digital picture frames for the grandparents and printed out and framed some of our favorites and that's about it. If you think you're going to regret not doing it and it won't destroy your budget go for it, but I honestly don't know anyone who's watched their video more than once for any reasons other than the fact they spent thousands of dollars on it and felt obligated to.
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Jul 7, 2015 01:38
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I feel like I am much pickier with video quality than other aspects of the wedding. So I'm not sure we can afford a videographer that meets my standard. So, I bowed out of the selection process. Up to the fiancée.
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Jul 7, 2015 01:40
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bathhouse posted:Wedding videographers: waste of money? Or terrible waste of money? I think it definitely depends on you guys and what you are like/enjoy. The fiance and I are not video people - we don't video each other or our families, we don't have or watch childhood videos, we aren't taking vines or whatever every 5 minutes, so videoing the wedding didn't really enter our mind and it would be a waste for us. If you do take and/or watch home videos fairly often and feel you would enjoy watching them more than say, once, then it probably isn't a terrible waste of money.
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Jul 7, 2015 07:55
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Robot Mil posted:I think it definitely depends on you guys and what you are like/enjoy. The fiance and I are not video people - we don't video each other or our families, we don't have or watch childhood videos, we aren't taking vines or whatever every 5 minutes, so videoing the wedding didn't really enter our mind and it would be a waste for us. If you do take and/or watch home videos fairly often and feel you would enjoy watching them more than say, once, then it probably isn't a terrible waste of money. I had 1 couple that never picked up their pictures because their video was soooo good, and another couple that hated the video but loved the touched up pictures. It really could go both ways. I refused to pay for a videographer, but luckily my fiancé's dad is a video and audio editor for a studio so has all the supplies. He has a buddy that will do everything for us as long as we feed him and let him drink for free. Seems like a good deal to me.
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Jul 7, 2015 14:43
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Well...I got my new Social Security card in the mail today, and they misspelled my middle name. It is supposed to be Elizabeth, and they spelled it on the card Elizebeth. Jesus. Going to the SS office was a huge pain in the rear end in the first place and I am not eager to repeat the experience, so should I just accept that as my new middle name? As long as what I get on my new driver's license matches, it shouldn't create any problems in the future, right?
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Jul 7, 2015 20:36
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Just go back and have them fix it, even if it takes hours and is really annoying it seems kind of important to have your name spelled the way you want it.
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Jul 7, 2015 20:39
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I'm getting married in Michigan in about six weeks so it's time to make sure we have all of our ducks in a row for our marriage license (which is valid for 33 days after being processed). There's one problem though, in that we live in PA and the marriage license office for the county where we live is only open Monday through Friday. PA to MI is not exactly a day trip, we're going back in a couple weeks for a wedding shower but that's a weekend ordeal, and after that I won't be back until a few days before the wedding. Any advice for doing a marriage license from out of state? It says there's a three day waiting period between applying and getting the license but that this period can be waived for "good and sufficient cause shown", I guess I could call to see if they're willing to waive that waiting period and then apply a day or two before the ceremony? I'd feel like an idiot if it fell through.
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Jul 8, 2015 14:57
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C-Euro posted:I'm getting married in Michigan in about six weeks so it's time to make sure we have all of our ducks in a row for our marriage license (which is valid for 33 days after being processed). There's one problem though, in that we live in PA and the marriage license office for the county where we live is only open Monday through Friday. PA to MI is not exactly a day trip, we're going back in a couple weeks for a wedding shower but that's a weekend ordeal, and after that I won't be back until a few days before the wedding. Any advice for doing a marriage license from out of state? It says there's a three day waiting period between applying and getting the license but that this period can be waived for "good and sufficient cause shown", I guess I could call to see if they're willing to waive that waiting period and then apply a day or two before the ceremony? I'd feel like an idiot if it fell through. I had to do this, from PA to NY no less. A license from one state cannot be used in another state. What we settled on was just doing a very, very private ceremony in PA, told no one about it, and were legally married a few days before the actual wedding. It actually helped, as it was one less thing to deal with on the day of, and was a nice secret for the two of us to keep. So either you can get your license in PA (which is valid for 60 days) and get it signed there before or after the wedding, when you come back, or you can go to Michigan early and get the license so that it will be valid on the day of. Keep in mind, PA has quaker laws for marriage, so if you really don't want to bother with finding someone to sign the marriage certificate, you can just also apply for a quaker marriage license when you go to the office (I think it's an extra 10 bucks or something) and you can just sign it with your partner yourself, along with two witnesses. Actually, C-Euro, we live in the same city since I've seen you post in the regional thread, so all of this will be fairly relevant to your situation (probably.) If your work schedule is an issue, know that city hall keeps the marriage license bureau open late on Wednesdays specifically to accommodate work schedules. Max fucked around with this message at 15:56 on Jul 8, 2015 |
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Jul 8, 2015 15:49
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Max posted:Keep in mind, PA has quaker laws for marriage, so if you really don't want to bother with finding someone to sign the marriage certificate, you can just also apply for a quaker marriage license when you go to the office (I think it's an extra 10 bucks or something) and you can just sign it with your partner yourself, along with two witnesses. I did this and it was super convenient. Since they didn't need to be certified, I had a family friend officiate instead of paying some stranger $300 and we made out just fine. Technically it's a "self-marriage", not a "quaker marriage", but anyone can apply for it.
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Jul 8, 2015 16:50
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We did an out of state wedding too, TX-VA. Virginia has an online marriage license application we filled out and submitted in advance and all we had to do was show up at the courthouse to sign and pick it up in person. The courthouse closed due to a blizzard the week of our wedding and we got the license the Thursday before the wedding. It was a little stressful. If MI has an online application (they should) do that and just swing by the courthouse when you get in town to get it.
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Jul 8, 2015 18:24
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Thanks y'all, I ended up just calling the license office and they said you can just walk in and ask to have it expedited same-day. They charge a bunch for that but it will end up costing the same as doing it at our own pace in PA, go figure. Switching gears from "responsible" to "jerk", is there a diplomatic way to send an invite to someone you weren't going to invite in the first place? I have a friend who I haven't spoken to in a few years until recently but who knows I'm getting married (I think I might have even given him the impression that I was going to invite him), we were trying to keep our wedding small so I originally wasn't going to invite him, but I've had a few friends decline on us so now there's some extra space. I was thinking about sending him an invite but I'm not sure how to do it, do I take the "oh hey did you get my invite yet? No? That drat USPS, let me send you another one!" angle or go "Hey some space opened up on our guest list, do you want to come?" Also of the ten people I invited to my bachelor party (not counting my Best Man), I'm currently 1/5 on acceptances with the one being my brother (and at least one more probable "No"). Why don't I have any friends 
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Jul 9, 2015 00:26
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C-Euro posted:Thanks y'all, I ended up just calling the license office and they said you can just walk in and ask to have it expedited same-day. They charge a bunch for that but it will end up costing the same as doing it at our own pace in PA, go figure. I'd just go with the "lost in the mail" excuse and give him an invite. I had a similar problem with my bachelor party. I wanted to go to Canada for the weekend and get drunk and see boobies, but 75% of my friends have DUI/OVI. Well Canada sees these as no no violations and can deny people entry based on that. With that and the fact my friends are cheap asses and wouldn't buy a passport I had to settle for drinking locally and camping. Now after changing everything over half of them said they can't make it due to "money issues".
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Jul 9, 2015 14:15
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C-Euro posted:. I was thinking about sending him an invite but I'm not sure how to do it, do I take the "oh hey did you get my invite yet? No? That drat USPS, let me send you another one!" angle or go "Hey some space opened up on our guest list, do you want to come?" Given the choice between lying or pointing out they are a second chance invite, I think you are better off saying nothing.
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Jul 9, 2015 14:24
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C-Euro posted:Switching gears from "responsible" to "jerk", is there a diplomatic way to send an invite to someone you weren't going to invite in the first place? I have a friend who I haven't spoken to in a few years until recently but who knows I'm getting married (I think I might have even given him the impression that I was going to invite him), we were trying to keep our wedding small so I originally wasn't going to invite him, but I've had a few friends decline on us so now there's some extra space. I was thinking about sending him an invite but I'm not sure how to do it, do I take the "oh hey did you get my invite yet? No? That drat USPS, let me send you another one!" angle or go "Hey some space opened up on our guest list, do you want to come?" How much time has passed since you sent the first wave of invites? Would they know your other guests have already received them? How close is the wedding? Would it be possibly too short notice for them to come anyways? I'm leaning with Smackfu on this one. Just send out the invite silently and don't make a fuss of it. I doubt they'll snatch up the phone and say "Why did this come so late?! Were you not going to invite me?!" If it does get brought up at some point you'll have to decide for yourself what answer you'll give. You could possibly say you were behind in finalizing your guest list, which isn't exactly a lie. "Oh what a procrastinator I am! So many things needing my attention!  "
Buggiezor fucked around with this message at 19:35 on Jul 9, 2015 |
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Jul 9, 2015 19:33
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Yeah I'm just going to drop him one tomorrow, for whatever reason my fiancee is really pushing me to invite him because we had lunch once or twice together like five years ago (the last time I saw him). Also because I got three RSVPs back from friends today and they all declined, if I don't do something my mom & dad will have more of their friends show up to my wedding than I will 
C-Euro fucked around with this message at 23:36 on Jul 9, 2015 |
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Jul 9, 2015 23:27
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