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Miss, I'm going to insult your entire existence but that's not reason to ignore honorifics.
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Jul 19, 2015 04:37
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ToxicSlurpee posted:Planet Fitness's business model apparently relies on marketing most heavily to people that will sign up for a full year on January 2nd, go once, and fail at their resolutions. I'm guessing that kind. This is every gym's business model.
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Jul 19, 2015 04:39
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Planet Fitness is pretty much your average no-classes budget gym for people too cheap to pay for frills and runners who need a treadmill in the winter because they're giant babies about cold weather (I am both). At the one by me, the pizza is way off to the side by the front desk, not by any actual machines, but that's probably the least stupid thing about this story. But that's okay because whoever wrote it was clearly doing a parody. If it was posted in a blog that takes submissions, though, apparently at least one person believed it.
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Jul 19, 2015 05:49
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I find it funnier that the thin dude assumingly works there yet little miss perfect didn't already know he was ripped?
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Jul 19, 2015 08:00
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"Your little porno noises are greatly distracting to us all." Who the gently caress talks like this? Who even thinks people talk like this? I've said it before, these things read like they were written by an alien who has only ever heard secondhand descriptions of human interaction and never actually witnessed any.
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Jul 19, 2015 10:44
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Spalec posted:I thought the most unbelievable part of that story was that a gym would be giving out pizza while people work out but apparently that's completely true https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_vqFq7J9vs
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Jul 19, 2015 14:14
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Bertrand Hustle posted:"Your little porno noises are greatly distracting to us all." I've said it before, it really sounds like the way I would write a "bimbo villain" (or someone addressing said bimbo vilain) when I was like 12 years old/at the height of my middle school bitterness. But either way I'm 99.5% sure this one was a parody so the unnatural dialogue isn't as stupid as if the person was actually trying to convince us.
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Jul 19, 2015 16:04
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Good setup. He can reward each rep with pizza.
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Jul 19, 2015 16:31
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Dienes posted:Good setup. He can reward each rep with a pizza. ftfy
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Jul 19, 2015 16:41
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That has to be a joke
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Jul 19, 2015 16:43
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I dunno about all this, whenever I'm working out I don't really have an appetite. Like half and hour after I finish I will get hungry, but while I'm doing it I don't get hungry. Did I mention I work out?
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Jul 19, 2015 16:54
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Wait you guys have free pizza at your gyms over there? No wonder you have such an obesity crisis. Also "let me make it up to you by letting you smash me in the nearest public toilet" EmmyOk posted:Anyone who didn't initially pronounce as chah meeleon as a child is a liar or spaceman. I'm almost thinking about setting myself the challenge next time I'm really drunk of approaching a girl with that perfect combo (" nice tits,'perfect blowjob height' and you look like you 'have the tightest pussy short of a 12 year old.") and seeing how well it goes, odds on I either get the poo poo kicked out of me or get banned from every bar in the towncentre. Krypt-OOO-Nite!! has a new favorite as of 18:23 on Jul 19, 2015 |
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Jul 19, 2015 18:15
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Krypt-OOO-Nite!! posted:Also "let me make it up to you by letting you smash me in the nearest public toilet" At least go with a line like "let's go make that shower... co-ed", but even something as lame as that is probably reserved for the suave protagonist
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Jul 19, 2015 18:42
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Krypt-OOO-Nite!! posted:
You only hit on girls 2 1/2 ft tall?
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Jul 19, 2015 19:47
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hyperhazard posted:You only hit on girls 2 1/2 ft tall? Don't forget that most of the people who would say such a thing have their social interaction limited to tv and imagination, so, yeah, ponies or midna are probably just about that height
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Jul 19, 2015 20:00
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 Of all the things that didn't happen, this happened the least.
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Jul 20, 2015 00:34
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Non Serviam posted:
And then the wheelchair man stood and clapped.
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Jul 20, 2015 00:46
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The thing that I hate the most about these is that there is always some completely absurd time frame thing in every story. Like, at some point in every one of these stories the world comes to screeching halt so the writer can sit down and have a 15 minute conversation with someone so they can get enraged.Mr E posted:And then the wheelchair man stood and clapped. 
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Jul 20, 2015 00:48
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Non Serviam posted:
Shouldn't that be the most?
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Jul 20, 2015 00:50
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I've always been curious how dumb people develop grammatically wrong but internally consistent writing styles (like this guy's use........of ellipses) but not enough to ever actually look into the matter.
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Jul 20, 2015 00:52
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Depressio111117 posted:I've always been curious how dumb people develop grammatically wrong but internally consistent writing styles (like this guy's use........of ellipses) but not enough to ever actually look into the matter. "Horny as gently caress for my Dick!" I love his randomly capitalized words too
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Jul 20, 2015 01:19
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It's like he really, really misunderstood Breaking the Waves.
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Jul 20, 2015 01:24
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Non Serviam posted:"Horny as gently caress for my Dick!" It's like it's his friend Dick and he's really proud of him for getting laid 
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Jul 20, 2015 03:02
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So in the story the dude was cool with his wife having flings with random dudes but she was still married to him and presumably took care of him. Like where's the problem with the situation?
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Jul 20, 2015 03:39
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"with a very embracing hug"
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Jul 20, 2015 04:27
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There's a such thing as cuckolds you weirdo...maybe you Should learn that not everyone's the same......so Stupid
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Jul 20, 2015 05:27
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Postal Parcel posted:There's a such thing as cuckolds you weirdo...maybe you Should learn that not everyone's the same......so Stupid Not enough Errant capitalizations. 2/10.
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Jul 20, 2015 05:42
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Mr E posted:And then the wheelchair man stood and clapped. But did they get married?
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Jul 20, 2015 07:48
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Khazar-khum posted:But did they get married? Yes to Albert Einstein. Both of them.
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Jul 20, 2015 08:38
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Non Serviam posted:
Lol that dude has never been on a date. The wheelchair is a metaphor for his crippling fear of women. Bobby Digital has a new favorite as of 09:15 on Jul 20, 2015 |
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Jul 20, 2015 09:12
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I've read the original "and that student's name? Albert Einstein" stdh but is there a patient zero for the "and we got married" trope?
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Jul 20, 2015 09:30
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Moon Slayer posted:I've read the original "and that student's name? Albert Einstein" stdh but is there a patient zero for the "and we got married" trope? Almost all of them.
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Jul 20, 2015 09:35
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Moon Slayer posted:I've read the original "and that student's name? Albert Einstein" stdh but is there a patient zero for the "and we got married" trope? It really seems to be almost universal in cases where the story's protagonist defends a lowly customer service employee and/or a precious, precious gay.
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Jul 20, 2015 10:10
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Bobby Digital posted:The wheelchair is a metaphor for his crippling fear of women. Truly, a literary masterpiece for the modern age. You gotta read between the lines man. Also between the numerous ellipsis and exclamation marks. (when will people get exclamation marks just make them look like morons when used at that level?) I also love how at first her want of sex is portrayed as good and attractive and then bam she's a SLUT oval office TEMPTRESS (like all women except his mom).
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Jul 20, 2015 10:10
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Moon Slayer posted:I've read the original "and that student's name? Albert Einstein" stdh but is there a patient zero for the "and we got married" trope? I think that was something the Not Always Right constellation of websites liked to jam into many of the longer stories. But that just might be the first time I noticed since it seemed to come up so often.
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Jul 20, 2015 10:22
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ibntumart posted:I think that was something the Not Always Right constellation of websites liked to jam into many of the longer stories.
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Jul 20, 2015 11:01
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Non Serviam posted:
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Jul 20, 2015 11:07
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Dude meets girl, they are totally into each other, they go back to her's where dude meets her husband who's paralysed after a car crash and who seems to be OK with girl banging other dudes since he can't. Protagonist proceeds to flip out and hurl abuse at the girl and shares a manly moment of bro hugs and respect with hubby.
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Jul 20, 2015 11:13
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Wheelchair dude was probably in to it, this dumb bastard screwed up a good night even in his imagination
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Jul 20, 2015 11:52
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| # ? May 27, 2024 10:31 |
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 Hear me out. I was a good guy, trying to make a difference in schools. I had decided I wanted to be a teacher, and spent a year, almost two, teaching at-risk teens. It was a natural extension of my social work, and it felt good to provide a background. Last week of my third semester, one of my kids became obsessive with one of my aides. These people are learning the ropes, and trying to make themselves into great teachers. The Aide was very pretty, sweet girl with a kid and husband, and decided to let the kid down easy by taking him to a 'quiet room' (essentially a room for kids to calm down in) and explain that she was in her 20s, he was 15, and it wouldn't work. Kid didn't take no for an answer. He decided to lay hands, ripping her clothes, beating on her. I heard the scuffle and crashed my classroom (calling for additional aides and going to isolate the issue). He was about to begin his work with a chair. Kid had a violent record, and honestly it was a drop in situational awareness. The kid swung the chair to hit me, I dropped him with two punches to the face. It was rash, I busted the kid's nose and his eye socket. He admitted to wanting to sexually assault the teacher, and had done a real number on her. Dozens of stitches, all of her front teeth gone, broken cheek bone. After the hearing I plead down on the issue to lose my license, and started a new life. My job lets me get my teaching buzz out, but when it comes to a nearly full grown male deciding to rape my colleague? I don't feel sorry for the damage.Vote it down, vote it up, side to side. Don't care, just figured I'd tell the tale after so many years. Thanks for the listen. Looked at his previous imgur submissions and found this  
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Jul 20, 2015 12:17
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