Anti-Food Porn Thread: Seems Saggy Not Saggy A Bit Saggy Ball

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Ultimate Mango: Jan 18, 2005

I bet you could market pickle Popsicles to people who are pregnant and have a nice little business for it.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 07:54

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# ? May 23, 2024 12:14

ubergnu: Jun 7, 2002; Failed gothic

I was laughing at the horrible aspic dishes a few pages back, but then it occurred to me. I've been eating those things for my whole life. Behold Kalvsylta! Don't let the appearance trick you, it's actually quite good on hard bread.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 08:20

Wasabi the J: Jan 23, 2008; MOM WAS RIGHT

ubergnu posted:

I was laughing at the horrible aspic dishes a few pages back, but then it occurred to me. I've been eating those things for my whole life. Behold Kalvsylta! Don't let the appearance trick you, it's actually quite good on hard bread.

Just needs some color... Looks really bland like old oatmeal.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 08:25

bawk: Mar 31, 2013

Mexican Deathgasm posted:

Why

WHY

# ? Jul 24, 2015 08:29

Force de Fappe: Nov 7, 2008

Wasabi the J posted:

Just needs some color... Looks really bland like old oatmeal.

Some pickled beets and some quality mustard and it's all you need. It's just a high-quality brawn. Brawn rarely looks very appetizing if it's good stuff.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 08:33

Helios Grime: Jan 27, 2012; Where we are going we won't need shirts; Pillbug

Hirayuki posted:

Try eating curry out of a toilet bowl while sitting on a toilet bowl instead:

I'll be going to Japan in October, this is on the list of things I need to visit just for the weirdness alone.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 08:48

Moongrave: Jun 19, 2004; Finally Living Rent Free

# ? Jul 24, 2015 09:29

Fleta Mcgurn: Oct 5, 2003; Porpoise noise continues.

I want opinions on this:

kitchenette posted:

In college, I worked as a back waiter (a glorified busser) for a tiny, high-end restaurant that catered to the Kennedy Center theater crowd. When I say tiny, I mean 42 seats tiny. We didn�t take parties larger than five, and Friday and Saturday nights were always completely booked, usually weeks in advance.

While I learned many important things about the reality of the food services industry while working at this particular establishment, two things stand out in my memory.

(1) When you order the special (particularly on a Sunday), it�s usually the oldest thing they have in the refrigerator that they need to get rid of to make room for the next shipment on Monday. If that �fresh� fish you ordered tastes a little off, now you know why.

(2) People will rave about anything if you plate it nicely enough.

One Saturday afternoon as we were preparing for the dinner service, the head chef (who now works for a very nice restaurant in NYC) decided to add a beet salad to the evening�s menu. Lacking in beets (or the time to cook them), he sent me to the local Safeway a few blocks away with the instruction to buy a few cans of cheapest canned beets available. When I looked at him incredulously, he waived me off and said that no one would know the difference.

20 minutes later, I returned with several cans of Safeway-brand beets. The chef promptly popped them open, drained them and cut them up into lovely little chunks.

Dinner service began at 5pm with a beet and frisee salad with goat cheese as a first-course option. In no time, orders for this salad were pouring in and the kitchen was merrily plating them up, drizzling some of canned juice that they�d reduced to a syrup around the white salad plates for effect. I�m pretty sure this salad accounted for about half of all appetizer orders that night.

And everyone, without exception, LOVED it. I�m not sure I�ve ever gotten so many comments about the deliciousness of anything, and I�ve waited a lot of tables in my day. One woman, in full evening attire on her way to the opera, commented that she�d never tasted such delicious, perfectly cooked beets in her life. It was with great effort that I maintained a straight face as I told these customers that I would convey their compliments to the chef. To this day, I regret not sending a letter to Safeway.

My thoughts are as follows:

1. If it tastes good, who gives a poo poo? It's not like beets are some expensive and rare ingredient.
2. The reducing the beet juice from the can thing was pretty clever.
3. Again, who gives a poo poo?

# ? Jul 24, 2015 09:47

Honj Steak: May 31, 2013; Hi there.

It's no secret that food will always taste better if you're in the right mood for it.

quote:

One woman, in full evening attire on her way to the opera

This was probably more important for how she experienced the meal than the actual ingredients.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 10:11

Such Fun: May 6, 2013

bringmyfishback posted:

I want opinions on this:

My thoughts are as follows:

1. If it tastes good, who gives a poo poo? It's not like beets are some expensive and rare ingredient.
2. The reducing the beet juice from the can thing was pretty clever.
3. Again, who gives a poo poo?

My thoughts are as follows:

1. If it serves beet salad, it's very unlikely to be a high end restaurant.
2. If it has a special, it's certainly not a high end restaurant.

It's a bad restaurant with a bad cook and clueless patrons.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 10:31

Vindolanda: Feb 13, 2012; It's just like him too, y'know?

bringmyfishback posted:

I want opinions on this:

My thoughts are as follows:

1. If it tastes good, who gives a poo poo? It's not like beets are some expensive and rare ingredient.
2. The reducing the beet juice from the can thing was pretty clever.
3. Again, who gives a poo poo?

This is all a bit "The cook knows better than those silly toffs!", at least I think so. I mean, cheap canned beets are basically fine, especially in a salad with strongly flavoured leaves, and we all know that the point of a restaurant is to have as cheap a set of ingredients compared to the plated price as you can, but what kind of wildly popular, super high end place decides that night to have a new first course on the menu?

# ? Jul 24, 2015 10:48

RareAcumen: Dec 28, 2012

BARONS CYBER SKULL posted:

I didn't notice there was a burger there because the cheese made it look like there was mustard on the bread.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 10:49

Rigged Death Trap: Feb 13, 2012; BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Dickey Butts posted:

I'm sorry that Louisiana hot sauce exists. If you want salt vinegar and peppers in white people flavors, it's the superior choice. In all honesty though eat what you like, man. It's a big world, and some of us apparently want pickle Popsicles.

Do you wanna know a secret?
There's a hot sauce that goes amazing with shawermas, falafel, basically any Arabic wrap sandwiches.

It's Louisiana hot sauce. Cuts right through that fat from the meat and tahina.
preferably Crystal.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 12:05

Moongrave: Jun 19, 2004; Finally Living Rent Free

# ? Jul 24, 2015 12:09

axolotl farmer: May 17, 2007; Now I'm going to sing the Perry Mason theme

offical breakfast of the Luftwaffle

# ? Jul 24, 2015 12:30

Morten Harket: Apr 22, 2005; Saint Harket

I'm not able to post a pic but: https://www.bobspicklepops.com That poo poo is already for sale.
As a hater of pickles the idea is particularly nauseating.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 12:57

root beer: Nov 13, 2005

axolotl farmer posted:

offical breakfast of the Luftwaffle

Waffeln SS

# ? Jul 24, 2015 13:10

tribbledirigible: Jul 27, 2004; I finally beat the internet. The end boss was hard.

BARONS CYBER SKULL posted:

Beer with waffle, the final solution to the breakfast problem.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 13:52

Paladinus: Jan 11, 2014; heyHEYYYY!!!

BARONS CYBER SKULL posted:

Right. Now to put some pizza toppings on it and it's perfect.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 14:19

zedprime: Jun 9, 2007; yospos

death .cab for qt posted:

Why

WHY

Pickle brine was Gatorade before Gatorade was invented, so its really just a throwback gatoradecicle.

A pickle brinecicle is like a bullet point list of all the best things you could ask for after physical activity outside. Its frozen to help stabilize core temperature, and its water and electrolytes to replenish those lost by sweating. Don't think, eat the picklecicle for your HEALTH.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 14:45

Hirayuki: Mar 28, 2010

Helios Grime posted:

I'll be going to Japan in October, this is on the list of things I need to visit just for the weirdness alone.

Make sure you take a side trip to Taiwan or Hong Kong, then.

But definitely do have curry rice while you're in Japan; it's excrement.

Excellent. I mean excellent.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 15:05

Kakairo: Dec 5, 2005; In case of emergency, my ass can be used as a flotation device.

bringmyfishback posted:

I want opinions on this:

#1 is taken straight from one of Anthony Bourdain's books.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 15:32

Samizdata: May 14, 2007

Gridlocked posted:

You WANT to watch someone suck a pickle sickle?

No. I count that as food porn. This is anti-food porn.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 15:40

CzarChasm: Mar 14, 2009; I don't like it when you're watching me eat.

Pomp posted:

Recipe

That was actually my problem above the end product. That's not a recipe, that's barely a serving suggestion.

I have a great recipe for :siren:

Peanut Butter Surprise! :siren:

Open a jar of peanut butter and stick a spoon inside so you can get the peanut butter out of the jar.

Surprise, motherfucker

# ? Jul 24, 2015 16:54

Drythe: Aug 26, 2012

BARONS CYBER SKULL posted:

goddamn breakfast hitlers now

the world of food is just hitlers on plates

# ? Jul 24, 2015 16:55

Wasabi the J: Jan 23, 2008; MOM WAS RIGHT

Paladinus posted:

Right. Now to put some pizza toppings on it and it's perfect.

It already has butter on it??

Mexican Deathgasm posted:

Cash Crab has been susiciously absent...

# ? Jul 24, 2015 17:27

Bibliotechno Music: Dec 30, 2008

Drythe posted:

goddamn breakfast hitlers now

the world of food is just hitlers on plates

# ? Jul 24, 2015 17:40

RBA Starblade: Apr 28, 2008; Going Home.

Games Idiot Court Jester

Mexican Deathgasm posted:

No pickle pol pots

# ? Jul 24, 2015 17:51

GOTTA STAY FAI: Mar 24, 2005; ~no glitter in the gutter~
~no twilight galaxy~; College Slice

BARONS CYBER SKULL posted:

i am goering to goebbel this right up

# ? Jul 24, 2015 18:00

Tree Goat: May 24, 2009; argania spinosa

The hearty breakfast Yuengling

# ? Jul 24, 2015 18:17

Debunk This!: Apr 12, 2011

Mexican Deathgasm posted:

I looked up chef buffalo tom peabody and it led me to this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQXxqdTtLRI

excellent.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 18:22

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

Tree Goat posted:

The hearty breakfast Yuengling

Pennsylvania Deutsch

# ? Jul 24, 2015 18:24

Bibliotechno Music: Dec 30, 2008

Ubermenschylvania

# ? Jul 24, 2015 18:41

Tree Goat: May 24, 2009; argania spinosa

Oh also

Pochoclo posted:

Lol at your weakass babby pizzas.

This is what good pizza looks like: it looks like poo poo - a mess of cheese and other stuff, thick, but really loving tasty.

# ? Jul 24, 2015 19:19

SLOSifl: Aug 10, 2002

Hirayuki posted:

'Sup, fellow bizarre shoes-on-table family superstition haver

I don't know where it comes from, but I know it goes deep.

Try eating curry out of a toilet bowl while sitting on a toilet bowl instead:

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, goes in my mouth comes out of my butt

# ? Jul 24, 2015 20:57

cash crab: Apr 5, 2015; all the time i am eating from the trashcan. the name of this trashcan is ideology

GOTTA STAY FAI posted:

i am goering to goebbel this right up

this is the best one

# ? Jul 24, 2015 21:23

CzarChasm: Mar 14, 2009; I don't like it when you're watching me eat.

QuelleFuck posted:

OK, a mug, a plate and presumably the soldiers are salt and pepper shakers. What is the little helmet for?

# ? Jul 24, 2015 22:35

Wanamingo: Feb 22, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

CzarChasm posted:

That was actually my problem above the end product. That's not a recipe, that's barely a serving suggestion.

I have a great recipe for Peanut Butter Surprise!

Open a jar of peanut butter and stick a spoon inside so you can get the peanut butter out of the jar.

Surprise, motherfucker

Evolutionists HATE this one weird trick !!

# ? Jul 24, 2015 23:01

cowboythreespeech: Dec 28, 2008

BARONS CYBER SKULL posted:

I like ketchup. That is too much ketchup.

# ? Jul 25, 2015 02:19

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# ? May 23, 2024 12:14

cobalt impurity: Apr 23, 2010; I hope he didn't care about that pizza.

Is it too Hitlery to propose a general rule that if you need to build retaining walls for your sauces and condiments, you're using too much?

# ? Jul 25, 2015 02:22

The Something Awful Forums > Main > Post Your Favorite: Carefully Curated > Anti-Food Porn Thread: Seems Saggy Not Saggy A Bit Saggy Ball

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